i'm turning 37 and i have 3 children - my eldest son is turning 15 in the next two weeks, then my daughter, now 12 and my youngest son just turned 10 last feb. i can say that hubby and i are both contented with them na. we enjoy the fact na they're grown ups and we can go out na kami lang when we want to without guilt feeling na baka di okay ang kids. also, we can travel with the kids na hindi sobrang major production kasi nga grown up na sila.
few days ago i noticed na my period was delayed. i patiently waited but to no avail so i considered having tested... to my surprise (and disappointment

) i am pregnant daw!
mga sis i know i am being unfair but i want to cry sobra.. actually i already did.. when i told my sisters yesterday. hindi pa alam ni hubby or kahit na sino.. yung 2 ate ko pa lang.
i felt i'm too old to get pregnant again

ang dami ko'ng fears.. baka di ko na kaya yung pain.. baka di ko na alam mag alaga ng baby.. baka di ko na kaya i-support financially since nag aaral na yung 3 kids ko (2 in HS) and i am the only one working in the family

sobrang depressed ako mga sis! how i wish na mali ang lab result

i was about to surprise my hubby and kids this october with a HK trip.. i already paid the ticket (nag sale kasi recently ang Cebu Pac - i grabbed the opportunity). but with my condition now and the possiblity of sobrang madaming gastos in the near future.. sobra ako'ng nalulungkot! and also, if i am really pregnant, due na ako ng nov this year.. late october ang byahe dapat namin

i can't make it earlier naman kasi kailangan ko pa mag ipon.. also, excited din ako na my kids will get to see disneyland kahit HKG lang..how i love to bring my kids travelling to different places.. especially now kasi first time nila mag a-out of the country if ever.
i hate this feeling!!! i don't want to be unfair with the baby inside me but i can't help it. sometimes naiisip ko ang dami'ng activities na di na namin ulit pwede'ng gawin kasi may baby... ang daming gastos na dadating kasi may baby.. ang daming dapat i-consider kasi may baby.. kailangan ko na naman mag ipon ng nga bagong gamit ng baby...tapos never ending diapers and milk na naman...
God forgive me but there was an instance that i felt, sana mawala na lang ang baby inside me

parang gusto ko'ng awayin ang hubby ko for getting me into this situation

palibhasa hindi sya ang mahihirapan... but of course i can't blame him naman kasi i'm sure he didn't expected this to happen naman.. pero i 'm really upset with him

sorry mga sis.. i just really have to vent this out. i don't like to feel this way.. i want to be happy knowing that i have another blessing coming.. pero i don't know bakit ganito ang feeling ko