How to deal with future In laws

[snowhite_12]

Hi I have a concern. I dont know if I'm in the right topic. But I need your advice. I'll be married 4th quarter this year. Nag start na kami preparation for the wedding and ipon  after sa kasal. But maliit pa ang naipon dahil marami problem financially. Unfortunately ang mga kapatid ng fiance ko kahit alam nila magpapakasal na kami.they keep on asking money from him. Walang masama tumulong sa kapatid dba. Ang concern ko lang walang trabaho and married na mga kapatid nya, healthy completo katawaan pero umaasa sila sa fiance ko. Ito naman fiance ko maawain kahit na hirap na din sa situation.Madami way para maka kita ng trabaho kaso dami reasons. In short Tamad. HIndi marunong dumiskarte sa buhay.Wala pa ako rights na mag salita dahil d pa kami kasal.Paano ninyo po dinedeal ang mga issues nato? 

[Girltalker2]

Sorry sis, but if financially ipit fianc? mo, mukhang Di pa sya ready magpakasal. Kasal palang iyan, ano na Kaya later if together na kayo.

Maganda siguro mag usap kayo. Sa totoo lang, if walang mga work kapatid nya, alangan naman magpakasal kayo ng bongga habang nagugutom pamilya nya?
Mahirap naman din sabihin sa kanya na huwag magbigay at sa wedding nyo lang pera nya. Dapat kusa nya gawin, assuming gusto nya ikasal nang according to your wishes.

Personally, sakin lang naman, I avoid guys like that, who tend to have extended families (other than parents or grandparents) na dependent sa kanila, lalo pa if they can?t afford. Sorry too late na siguro ngayon pero you really need to think this through. Kasi baka Pagkasal na kayo, baka ikaw magsupport sa inyong dalawa at ang income nya sa mga kapatid nya mapunta. Worse, baka umabot pa sa point na you have to give to his siblings din. Kasi how can you live comfortably and sleep soundly if you know someone close sayo eh nagugutom?

[kaythrielle]

Sis, may right ka na...ikakasal na nga kayo eh. You have to tell him na once kasal na kayo, priority na nya dapat ikaw at ang future nyo.

Hopefully you and your fiance are in the same page.
If not, sadly, you can?t really do anything about it. Kahit ?pilitin? or you nag him not to give to his siblings when they ask, kung gusto nya talaga magbigay at tumulong sa kanila, you won?t be able to force him not to do it. Dapat sya mismo sa sarili nya. Kaya hopefully the two of you are in the same page. If not, accept it na lang.

But as i said, you have the right. Kahit ngayon pa lang. Of course you have to plan for your future na, not just the wedding.

[amethyst028]

snowhite_12 naku sis we are on the same boat. Getting married this december.

Fiance ko ganyan din, yung ate niya laging kailangan ng pera. He also supports his mom financially at magbabakasyon pa for 1month sa U.S. at his expense. He has a kid and pati yung mom nun suportado niya.

How are you financially? Meaning aasa ka ba sa kanya once ikasal na kayo? Or mas malaki ang income niya so siya mostly ang bread winner sa household niyo if ever? Ok ba sayo na ganyan ang mapapangasawa mo? Kasi it will not stop kahit married na kayo. They will still ask for money dahil nasanay na sila. At yung fiance mo nasanay na rin magbigay at mahirap for him na tiisin mga kapatid niya.

Sa akin kasi i know the situation and i am aware that it will not change. He has a good job and i have a business. Our set up will be we manage our own money. We will have a joint account so dun kame kukuha ng mga pang araw araw but he will be the main provider in our household. Supporting role lang ako. May condo siya and may sarili akong house so hindi naman issue rin ang tirahan.

Since i chose him i accepted everything about him pati yung part na yun sa life niya. I know it is not the ideal set up but it is what it is. kung mahal natin yung partner natin dapat tanggap natin lahat. The good and the bad. We have to learn to work with what is given to us. It took me while din before ko ma accept. And for a lot of women hindi sa kanila ok ang ganyan. Sa akin din dati hindi ok yun. Pero for me kasi kung yung lang ang flaw niya so be it kaya ko naman mag provide for myself. And i know with him by my side i can do great things siya din ganun. We insipire each other to go further in life and to aim higher.

Pag may kailangan ako sa business he helps me pati mga experts sa company nila pinapadala niya sa akin. He helps me sa business ko even pag need ko ng investors he can get one. So hindi man niya ako mabibigyan ng money i have his full support. VP siya of a multinational company and a banker as well so sa financial aspects ng business alam niya ang ins and outs.

[cupcakejane]

This is serious, and should be discussed before tying the knot.  Maraming nag away due to finances.

[Shadow Angel]

Like girltalker iniwasan ko ganyan lalaki after my ex di ko tanggap ang sitwasyon na for life na or pang matagalan na magsupport ang partner ko. Sa umpisa ok lang pero pag tagal hindi maiiwasan maging cause ng away or kung hindi man tahimik ka mainis which is ayaw ko na may silent stress ako at wala na magawa dahil ganun na ang sitwasyon from the start.

[amethyst028]

i had a hard time accepting it at first nag cool off pa nga kame because of this. although i didn't tell him na eto yung reason. it's so hard for me kasi i never experienced this. my parents are self sufficien and my siblings are the same.

but during our time apart it hit me na kahit ganun yung stiuation niya madami siyang magandang qualities. and inspite of that hindi naman kame maghihirap or magugutom. a good man is hard to find, and love is not about what you can get out of him. it is loving him inspite and despite of.

my point is he can support his family as long as hindi niya papabayaan yung future family niyo. he can give kung may sobra pero kung mag su-suffer ang future family niyo that is not ok. so talking about finances before getting married is a must. this situation is not for everyone madaming nag hihiwalay dahil sa pera.