Author Topic: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?  (Read 8152 times)

glamorosa_09

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Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #20 on: February 27, 2015, 07:32:02 pm »
Ok, so they're not complaints per se, more like descriptions you posted on other threads.

So my point is, there is a communication that has been going on before she went mum. Hindi sya yung totally na walang pakelam. My question is what happened in between nung time na may communication kayo and biglang nawala? I assume it happened as a process not as an event na overnight.

Were you both able to manage that marital conflict between the two of you while it's hot? Kahit meet in the middle lang? Or ito na yung NR na sya agad while you were trying to respond sa concerns nya OR nag-improve ka na pero iniignore nya? [tanggalin muna natin yung in-laws sa picture, iba pa yan. Yung sa inyong dalawa na lang muna]

I'm not gonna judge her needs, kasi iba iba naman tayong mga tao, and each marriage is unique, as unique as the two individuals composing the marriage. Actually both of you have unmet needs sa marriage nyo.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2015, 07:54:41 pm by glamorosa_09 »

The Greatest Is LOVE

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Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #21 on: February 27, 2015, 08:19:39 pm »
So my point is, there is a communication that has been going on before she went mum. Hindi sya yung totally na walang pakelam. My question is what happened in between nung time na may communication kayo and biglang nawala? I assume it happened as a process not as an event na overnight.

wala. normal life lang kami. magkasama, magkakwentuhan. kulitan tawanan. hindi ko namamalayan, napupuno na pala sya ng sama ng loob. hindi ko napapansin. til lately nga na almost 2months na parang ang cold treatment nya. dun na nagsimula ang mga labas-labas nya with friends...

glamorosa_09

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Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #22 on: February 27, 2015, 08:56:23 pm »

^yes, which led me to another question:

Quote from: glamorosa_09
Were you both able to manage that marital conflict between the two of you while it's hot? Kahit meet in the middle lang? Or ito na yung NR na sya agad while you were trying to respond sa concerns nya OR nag-improve ka na pero iniignore nya? [tanggalin muna natin yung in-laws sa picture, iba pa yan. Yung sa inyong dalawa na lang muna]


This question is in line with our guess na napuno sya. Although, I don't quite follow the friendly-friendly kayo sa isa't isa, then may sama ng loob na pala. But if you have acknowledged and responded to her grievances, then the ball is on her side, dahil nakapagrespond ka na eh. But again, did you respond?

On another side, the cold treatment started almost 2 months ago and the going out with friends. Those are strange, new behaviors especially kung hindi naman sya ganun. I understand that you don't want to look in the direction of the possibility of 3rd party, masakit isipin yun eh. But only the future can tell.

Re: space

Of course, may time frame yang space na yan and you should talk it out after that. It is used para mag-isip, magreflect. Hindi magbuhay dalaga o binata. If indefinite yan, walang purpose, parang separation lang na iniba mo lang yung term.

The Greatest Is LOVE

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Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #23 on: February 27, 2015, 09:28:43 pm »
i never thought we have a conflict (again). all i know is we're okay.
we argue, yes, but i never thought, iniipon nya yun (ulit)...for me its just petty...

during our bf-gf years, on our 4th year, nagkahiwalay na kami.
siya naggave up. fed up issue..first fed up issue nya.
i am so much in pain at the time syempre.
her reason? wala raw ako pakialam sa nararamdaman nya.
i never care for her. i'm not the thoughtful guy...

3 months later, we texted, and nagkabalikan kami. yesss! hahah
so yun and we ended up marrying each other..
and now on our 10th year as couple, 3 years of marriage, another fed up issue...:(
« Last Edit: February 27, 2015, 09:31:23 pm by The Greatest Is LOVE »

cecilydee

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Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #24 on: February 27, 2015, 10:58:20 pm »
Bro, my opinions are quite difficult to take but here you go - there are several red flags about yourself in your post above. All I can sense from you is that you never became a good provider for your family. You were supposed to be the man of the house, therefore you have to be the good provider and I think you became quite relaxed into your marriage that you forgot to become your wife's lover (thus she complains about you becoming not sweet anymore) what happened to you all these years? Why did you just do freelance when you know na hindi stable source of income yan to build a family? I think as a woman, I will feel for your wife as well. Hindi siya naka hanap ng rock sa yo kaya pati intimacy niyo affected. As painful as that sounds. If you really want to go back to your wife, I suggest you man up. Tell her you made a mistake for being so relaxed or lazy in your relationship and that you need her emotional support and will try to strive harder from now on. If you continue to solicit people here and ask for their help in exchange for something then you are not going to the right direction. Your sincerity is very questionable. I hear a lot of excuses from you kesyo you cannot ask your family's help etc. Bro, own up your problem and dont bring another person in your life by soliciting here. Go back to your wife, be sincere in asking for forgiveness. If you can spend time in GT, why dont you spend your time and energy rebuilding the trust of your wife first muna?

WorriedB2B

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #25 on: February 28, 2015, 02:36:47 am »
Hi! Reading your posts, baka you need to think more deeper about your situation. IMHO, mababa ang morale mo sa relationship niyo kaya na fed up ang wife mo. Pano ko nasabi? First, freelance ang work mo kaya hindi ka nakakapagshare ng expenses sa house niyo. Dito natatapakan ang pride mo, kaya pag niyayaya ka magsine ng asawa mo tumatanggi ka. Kaya pag family niya ang kaharap mo tahimik ka. Kaya pag nagaaway kayo, ayaw mo magpatalo. Sorry for the word bro, pero sign yan ng husband na natatapakan ang pride. You have to accept the fact na ikaw ang nagkamali kaya nagkaganyan ang misis mo. And kung willing ka ayusin yung relationship niyo, you two have to talk, or at least let her talk, and you just listen. You don't have to win the argument this time. Just listen to her, after that, tsaka ka mag apologize and accept your mistake.

Don't let her feel na magkalaban kayo. Make her feel na magkakampi kayo. You're team. Learn how to listen, and learn how to accept yourself wholly so other people includig your wife can accept you too. Find a permanent job kung yan ang problema mo.

That's just in my view. I can't say I'm right since hindi ko naman talaga alam ang lahat ng nangyayari sa inyong magasawa. Just basing this on your posts. Good luck! Sana maayos niyo yan, sayang eh. :)

glamorosa_09

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Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #26 on: February 28, 2015, 09:19:16 am »

I couldn't seem to get a direct answer from you. Is it, "yes, I already acknowledged her grievances and made amends, but despite it I'm still given a cold shoulder, " OR "no, I have not acknowledged it yet, let alone address it."

But since it happened twice na, and bumigay na nga sya, I assume na hindi na acknowledged or naaddress.

It seems like the hard efforts you put on -the ones you mentioned on other threads - are for winning her love again, but not to address the issues that were already there, that were already known to you. Para saan ba to win her back if the cycle continues? Para saan to talk and talk kung wala rin namang napupuntahan?

Marriage will always have a conflict, kailangan ng two-way communication. Sa kanya one-way lang nung una, nag-close na sya ngayon. Now you're winning her back, but not really to open the communication. Yun lang ang tingin ko ha.

Now pili ka ng isa na pinakaimportanteng issue sa kanya. Is this issue reasonable or unreasonable? Should she just accept you for what you are or should you make an adjustment? Dyan natin malalaman kung ano talaga ang stance mo about her issue. Your wife is the main cue kung ano talagang problema sa marriage nyo o sa iyo.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2015, 09:40:07 am by glamorosa_09 »

twenty5

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Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #27 on: February 28, 2015, 02:11:33 pm »
e di parang ikaw din ang nagsisinungaling sa parents nya kung ang sasabihin na dahilan e may commiment ka lang sai bang lugar!

THAT'S A BIG NO! NO! NO!

Nakikita ko na  na pinag tatakpan mo pa ang asawa mo na sa totoo naman kitang kita na... OO parang halos lahat kami sinasabe sayo na huwag na huwag kang aalis! Sa mga post mo, ikaw lang din ang gumagawa ng ikagagalit din ng parents nya. Kung iniisip mo ang parents nya, well... isipin mo din sarili mo!

Para sakin ha hindi tama kasi na mag sinungaling ka pa, sa nakikita ko ayaw mo harapin ang problema.. Takot ka harapin.. sabi mo you're trying to win her back? ANO EFFORT mo to win her back?

Parang wala naman... Hindi ikaw ang dapat mag adjust kung ang may problema ang wife mo, kasi feeling ko [textspeak!] may problema ka din kasi ayaw mo harapin. Face your fear! HINDI SOLUSYON ANG UALIS KA NG BAHAY NYO NA GANUN GANUn NA LANG AT PAGKATAPOS SASABIHIN MO KUNYARE MAY WORK COMMITMENT KA LANG SA IBANG LUGAR? O after nyanp ano mangyayare?

Isipin mo lahat yan... Hindi madali pero kelangan mo harapain.

The Greatest Is LOVE

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #28 on: February 28, 2015, 02:17:41 pm »
With regards sa freelance work ko, pag na bayaran naman na ko ng client, yun kinikita ko dun ay nilalagay namin sa bank na sya naghahandle. Lets say in 3months wala ko receivables, yun kinita ko naman prior ay higit pa sa 3months na wala ko income e. Anyway tingin ko hindi naman issue sa amin ang pera.

Ang big issue dito po mga sis, ayaw na talaga nya ko bigyan ng one last chance. Nagusap kami masinssinan kanina, hindi na raw, ayaw nya. :( end of our story now...

Need to leave the house as soon as possible. I dont have cash on hand para magrent pa now..kasi panggastos na nya sa lahat yun konting naipon namin. I wont get anything from it, kanya na yun! Benta raw namin yun bahay naman and we share half half sa pagbentahan. Sana mabenta agad.

With all the words she told me, hindi ko na kaya pang ipaglaban kami. Meron talaga panahon ng paglaban at panahon ng pasuko. Eto na pala ang pagsuko...akala ko maantig pa sya sa mga drama at iyak ko, wa epek pala.. Syempre those drama and iyak are sincere, wag nyo na i-question pa at pagdudaha. Akala yun mga gamit na nilagay ko sa bag ay magpapapigil sa kanya, hindi pa rin. Nagpapapigil ako pero waley na talaga. I guess she's preoared na with this, ako windang na windang pa rin. Nga-nga!

Til next time mga sis, next problem na maencounter ko along the way and happiness na rin ishare ko ulit here. Thank you very much for all your comments and suggestions. It helps me alot. Again, not her fault, its all mine...

The Greatest Is LOVE

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #29 on: February 28, 2015, 02:24:26 pm »
Again, this is not the right time para ,alaman ng mga parents namin ang sitwasyon namin now. We care for their health. Dont want them to suffer emotionally, lalo na sa part ko. Kasi i have 2 brothers na hiwalay din sa asawa na...

May tamang panahon po para nila malaman, hindi pagsisinungsling ang tawag dun...

The Greatest Is LOVE

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #30 on: February 28, 2015, 02:33:27 pm »
I couldn't seem to get a direct answer from you. Is it, "yes, I already acknowledged her grievances and made amends, but despite it I'm still given a cold shoulder, "

Humingi na ko ng tawad sa kanya, its my fault, ako may problema and if given one last chance, ill correct everything (again). Ill change, i dont promise, ill just do it. Pero waley na talga e...suko na sya. Kung yun dati daw halos ganun yun issue, hindi pa rin nabago sarili ko, panu pa now? No more last chance.

glamorosa_09

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #31 on: February 28, 2015, 03:47:24 pm »
Sayang naman... Posible nga na you have a pattern na it's hard for you to break which led to her emotional exhaustion. Pero pwede naman magpa-individual counseling ka muna, to address kung may personal issues ka. Nasabi mo rin kasi na dalawang kapatid mo hiwalay din. And then saka sundan ng marriage counseling.

Anyways, desididong-desidido na sya eh... final na for her... so pano ba yan... good luck na lang dude...

twenty5

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #32 on: February 28, 2015, 04:16:43 pm »
Okay sige...

Ingat ka.. and make sure to update us.
Godbless.

princessrio

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #33 on: March 01, 2015, 07:12:46 pm »
sorry to hear that bro..  mukhang hindi space ang need ni misis. mukhang freedom na.

i hope this is just a bump in your road. let's hope and pray na one day, maayos nyo rin ang lahat. all the best and goodluck!

WorriedB2B

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #34 on: March 02, 2015, 12:32:59 am »
I'm sorry to hear that. Sayang. Sana one day, maayos niyo din yan.

imprincessfiona

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #35 on: March 02, 2015, 08:56:49 am »
^Bro sana someday maging ok kayo ulit. Love is lovelier the second time around, right? Pray hard bro and everything will be fine in God's own time.

The Greatest Is LOVE

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #36 on: March 03, 2015, 02:27:16 am »
Thanks mga sis. Kahit magkalayo kami, i will still try to reach out. pero syempre nakakamiss yun katabi ko sya kahit no sex kami before...of course i so much love her..maghihintay pa rin ako baka mamiss nya ko. Hahaha

Priceless

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #37 on: March 03, 2015, 09:27:53 am »
^I think your wife has just grown out of love. She just needed an excuse, some excuse, any excuse to let you go. And Yes, there are people like that na nag-iipon lang, maybe you'll call it ipon ng sama ng loob, but I think more appropriately, nag-ipon sya ng lakas ng loob to tell you the truth.

Tama si cecilydee, maybe before your marriage, she hoped that you were her knight in shining armor, her prince charming, sugar daddy, breadwinner, padre de pamilya, her rock, but maybe you have fallen short of her expectations. Don't think it's all about money - it's about security, it's about confidence, morale, and basically being proud of the man she married. Sabi nga ng parents ko, imagine yourself in the top of the corporate ladder (she knew I was very ambitious) at ang mapapangasawa mo ay isang tricycle driver, would you be proud na dalhin sya at ipakilala sa mga work colleagues at business associates mo? Tapos, this tricycle driver pa doesn't see what the problem is, doesn't have ambition, doesn't have the drive to improve himself... Wala, something will likely break talaga. [I'm not saying that there's something wrong with freelancing, but maybe your confidence and the way that you handle yourself with her and with the people that matter to her is affected by your income prospects without you even noticing it].

I think you should use this time now to reflect upon what you need to do to get out of the rut you are in. Wag ka na munang mag-isip about relationships or how you win her back - kasi she needs to see results before she even takes a second look at you dahil she's already made up her mind about you.


The Greatest Is LOVE

  • Guest
Re: I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?
« Reply #38 on: March 04, 2015, 12:42:37 am »
^I think your wife has just grown out of love. She just needed an excuse, some excuse, any excuse to let you go. And Yes, there are people like that na nag-iipon lang, maybe you'll call it ipon ng sama ng loob, but I think more appropriately, nag-ipon sya ng lakas ng loob to tell you the truth.

Tama si cecilydee, maybe before your marriage, she hoped that you were her knight in shining armor, her prince charming, sugar daddy, breadwinner, padre de pamilya, her rock, but maybe you have fallen short of her expectations. Don't think it's all about money - it's about security, it's about confidence, morale, and basically being proud of the man she married. Sabi nga ng parents ko, imagine yourself in the top of the corporate ladder (she knew I was very ambitious) at ang mapapangasawa mo ay isang tricycle driver, would you be proud na dalhin sya at ipakilala sa mga work colleagues at business associates mo? Tapos, this tricycle driver pa doesn't see what the problem is, doesn't have ambition, doesn't have the drive to improve himself... Wala, something will likely break talaga. [I'm not saying that there's something wrong with freelancing, but maybe your confidence and the way that you handle yourself with her and with the people that matter to her is affected by your income prospects without you even noticing it].

I think you should use this time now to reflect upon what you need to do to get out of the rut you are in. Wag ka na munang mag-isip about relationships or how you win her back - kasi she needs to see results before she even takes a second look at you dahil she's already made up her mind about you.

Tama po kayo. Salamat. Tama lahat ng mga posts dito. Need to build myself fire and foremost..:)

 

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