STATUS: nag-aadjust

[kobrakid]

mga sissies, i need some decent advice i am quite young (24) and i know that most of here are full-pledged adults na haha XD kidding.. i hope di ako ma ignore dito because im really confused right now so here goes:

2 years na kami ng BF ko bago ko nalaman na he has a son through IVF (In vitro fertilisation). Of course it came as a shock to me kasi for 2 years wala akong alam. I wouldn't say na feeling ko na-betray ako but until now hindi ko pa rin ma sink-in yung fact.

Idagdag pa na hindi maganda ang first encounter namin ng son niya (15 yrs old), ang nangyari, ilag sa akin yung bata and aaminin ko, bumigat ang loob ko. I meant no harm when I "accidentally" talked sa bata pero ilag siya sa akin. And now the problem is, my BF is sometimes torn. Whenever magkasama kami ang sinasabi niya sakin wag daw muna kami mag lambingan and such ultimo holding hands and akbayan man lang kasi nandyan daw yung bata. Sakin naman, bilang GF nya and soon to be fiancee, i have my needs from him as well such as love and affection as well as physical affection. Pero panu mangyayari yun kung ayaw bumitaw sa kanya nung bata kasi hindi daw sanay na may ka-share na siya sa pagmamahal ng papa niya. IN short, wala kaming time to be together alone and nahihirapan na ako mga sissies, the more na nangyayari yon, the more na bumibigat loob ko sa bata at te moer na nakikita ko siya as hindrance pero i don't want that to happen, tanggapo ko siya pero hindi ko matanggap yung epekto sa amin..

what do you think, girls? am I being selfish for just wanting my right from my BF? mali ba na bumigat ang loob ko sa son niya?

[Girltalker2]

Hi sis, yes masasabi ko medyo selfish yung pag "demand" mo mag PDA kayo sa harap ng bata.  You have to be considerate sa nararamdaman ng bata.  Bata iyan, and I always believe, they should be the priority of any parent.  Kasi as a parent, it is your responsibility para hubugin ang future nya. Hindi mo gugustuhin na maging unstable ang emotions nya dahil sa personal relationships ng parent/s nya.

Being the GF of a single dad, somehow dapat malawak ang pag iisip mo na it takes time for a kid to adjust to such kind of situations. Kaya dapat slowly ang pag introduce ng significant other. Or dapat patient ka at slow ang pag introduce ng BF mo sa inyong dalawa.

Itong BF mo naman, bakit naman nya binigla ang bata?  I suppose kung 2 yrs na kayo and "serious", dapat siguro dati pa nya kinukwento sa bata nang ma-prepare na yung bata kung eventually magmeet kayo. Then after that, kung nameet mo nanga ang bata, kelangan muna kayo mag establish ng rapport, before you start to show the kid that you are all over his dad.

I also agree with your BF, hindi dapat pinapakita iyan sa bata especially kung start palang kayo.  In time, kung palagi kayo lumalabas, kung gumaan na ang loob ng bata, puede na siguro. Pero if not, you just have to wait until the child matures.  Si BF naman, puede na umpisahan makipagkwentuhan sa anak nya, how he is feeling, what he thinks about his dad's GF, etc etc. Just to know how he feels - importante kasi na hindi sya ma insecure.

Re IVF naman, na curious naman ako. Paano nangyari yun 15 years ago?  So I suppose your BF is much much older than you?

[lisse]

TS, you have to realize na if seryoso kayo ni BF mo about sa relationship niyo, eh soon to be step mom ka na din nung bata, and as one eh malaki responsibilities mo. It will no longer be you and him, it will be the kid, you and him. The kid is and will be priority, hindi na ikaw or your BF.

Also, matanong ko lang, what do you mean by "accidentally" nakausap mo ang bata?

[baliwsayo]

kung seryoso ka na gusto mo makasama  habambuhay yan bf mo eh i-psyche mo na sarili mo na magiging anak mo na din yan batang yan. Bat mo naman gusto mag-PDA sa harap ng bata? Parang di rin naman tama..

[juni]

You need to give the kid time to adjust.  True, he is 15 years old and hindi na baby, but he is still not an adult.  He's in this place between childhood and adulthood and he's going through the challenges of growing up, which can be hard and confusing as it is without the added difficulty ng situation niyo.

Mali din naman si BF mo, bakit niya kayo binigla pareho ng bata, he should've told the kid and you the truth earlier.  If dati pa lang e alam niyo na yung situation e both of you could've had more time to absorb the reality and figure out how to deal with it.  Your BF should man up and make more effort to resolve this.

I agree with the other sisses na you should hold off on the PDAs muna habang di pa nag-iimprove ang situation.  Kung PDA na kissing e awkward nga yun for the kid, I think no-no siya, pero kung simple stuff like holding your hand or opening doors for you, I think e kumbaga sa sine e GP naman ang rating nun and when things improve e pwede naman yun in front of the kid.

But ang question is, ano ba ang totoong reason kung bakit sinasabi ng BF mo na wag muna kayo mag-PDA in front of his son?  Dahil lang ba the boy feels awkward when he sees it, and hindi siya sanay na may kahati sa love ng dad niya?  Is it because walang balak yung bata na ishare ang dad niya with anyone else and feels resentment when he sees signs na his father loves someone else aside from him?  Do the PDAs in front of the boy make your BF uncomfortable kasi takot siya na it might change things, and gusto niya yung status quo na he has a GF and a son and he doesn't have to make difficult choices or adjustments or have difficult conversations?  Is he really doing this to give his son time to adjust and is he doing something para mag-improve yung situation, or is he just trying to delay doing anything?

[aquacharly]

You're not exactly young.  You're eligible to vote; you're 24 na nga.   What am I trying to say? You're a Big Girl na; put on your Big Girl panties. 

Que in vitro yan, a 1 night stand,  a protracted affair, a legit/bastard -- even an incestuous coupling --- there is that 15yo  your BF has to all intents & purposes acted as a responsible father to, all these years.  They are father & son, till death do them  part -- you just gotta suck it up.

What? Are you just being selfish? Yup, plus immature.  I'd say that to my face in the mirror if I were in your shoes.   Misplaced your Big Girl panties?
To love truly is to love not just his warts and all, but also the people he loves.
Who said loving was easy?  You love even when he is/acts unlovable; same with the people he loves.

Setting aside your trust issue (he did not reveal this 15yo till much later, you say) --  let's focus on your behavioral issue vis-vis the teen........yan tanong mo di ba .....
Pwes, ....

Act like the woman he sees you as -- one capable of making a life with an older, more experienced, established man. 
    (Hindi naman siguro yan as young as you, kasi may 15yo, kahit na ba in vitro.  Usually nga, pag in vitro eh -- after all effing attempts, medj matanda na.  But don't mind my imagination, what do I know anyway.).

IF  you are convinced this 1 is a keeper, that he will commit to you -- eh, a Big Girl  will get into this relationship with a "man already with an accessory" with depth/maturity, and style/poise.   
Don't be like a needy child, needing to be assured with PDAs.  Be confident that you are loved.   There are more significant indications of love.  (It is flirting that needs all these overt acts of affection/affectation.).

If you are convinced this love is worth your time, STEP UP to the challenge. 
Sure, you can handle that 15yo. -- research the ways, talk to teen experts.
Don't use your 24 years as a cop-out excuse.
If you can't handle a 15yo, what else can't you handle?  Kayang kaya mo yan! Just focus, be patient, open your loving heart.

Time to put on the Big Girl panties.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, as usual, I like the way you said things.

especially the phrase --- a "man already with an accessory".  hehe