Frequent Visits and Over-staying Parents di type ni Hubby

[iflipcess]

ang swerte ko pala sa asawa ko  siya naman, gusto niya na sa amin titira nanay ko once mag-asawa na lahat mga kapatid ko hehe.

Sinabi ko na din sa mga kapatid ko na sa akin si nanay. Super close ang nanay at hubby ko. Kaya happy ako na wala akong problema sa mga ganyang issue, but if in case ganun ang maging reaction ng asawa ko, sasama loob ko, magulang ko yun eh, and I think, hindi ko din naman siya magugustuhan kung maselan siya sa ganung bagay since, I grew up in a family na super close talaga.

[lilstar]

Naku sis, mahirap talaga maipit sa Hubby and parents...

[chai_girl]

talk to your hubby about it... kasi baka nalulungkot rin parents mo sa province kaya lumuluwas sila sa manila... kawawa rin kasi mga parents mo... s

yes sis tama si sis. Ganyan din kami ng hubby ko, nagkaka misunderstanding kami pag andun parati mga parents ko sa apartment namin. kaso nung nawala si papa ko na guilty.

[justbeingme]

In my family we sometimes employ a "tulay" who are also relatives to air our grievances/concerns to a family member/s if we cannot do it on our own or if we have done so but to no avail.  They should be relatives whom the concerned parties trust and whom they will listen to and who are quite skilled in the art of mediating.  If your parents listen to your sister then why don't you ask her to intervene for you. Maybe you can ask your trusted aunts/uncles or even lolos/lolas to do it for you. Di naman kailangan brutal ang pagdeliver ng message as in huwag na kayo pumunta. Pwede naman something like napapadalas ata ang dalaw nyo sa mag-asawa sigurado ba kayo na ok lang yon sa kanila. or 1 week pala kayo nag-stay pag dumalaw kayo sa kanila ang tagal nun ah ok lang ba sa husband nya. or hindi kaya masyado naman matagal ang 1 week kapag dumalaw kayo sa mag-asawa di ba kayo nakakaabala na sa kanila. baka hindi lang sila makapagsalita pero hindi pala ok sa kanila. Something like that. Or you can tell the more understanding parent like if your mom is more understanding then probably you can tell her then pwede naman di sabihin sa dad if mas sensitive ang dad para your mom can help regulate the length and frequency of visits.

[Tigershark09]

if you are not comfortable talking to your dad about it, then talk to your mom na lang. tell it in a nice way. don't say na ayaw ng hubby mo sila doon palagi, rather you point out the reasons why ayaw ng hubby mo sila doon. like tell your mom na dad is being very meticulous, lahat ng kilos ng katulong pinakikiaalaaman, or sabihin na mo na medyo naaapektuhan ang mister mo kapag nakikita niya yung ganong kilos ng dad mo. siguro naman your mom will understand dahil pinagdaanan din niya yon. then your mom can talk to your dad.

[crsytal]

i feel for you too ruthie...
pero lets take your husband side muna.........we need to understand kasi why he is beahaving like that..........reading from your post mukhang hindi naman financial an issue....baka gusto nya ng privacy...ans syempre ma solo ka rin......kasi hindi naman natin makukuha sa husband natin na kaya nga nla tayo pinakasalan e because they want us to live with them.........and dyahe naman talaga if andun din ang parents natin.....

and yun nag dapat naman nating  e pa understand sa mga parents natin......
short visit e ok lg pero wag yung pirmi pirmi and matagal......

we have our own lives naman to live naman eh...and for sure they will understand naman pag na explain natin......yes magtatampo cla...normal lg yun...kasi ganyan tayong mga pilipino eh.....pero sooner or later...maaacept din nla na maiintindihan...........

kasi cla naman ang mas dapat na ma intindi beacause for sure napagdaanan na rin nla yun .......

i hope makatulong ang advis eko kahit konti

[miksha]

nalala ko when i was a kid issue ito sa bahay namin kapag summer.. paano kase pakiramdam nang mom ko ginagawang bahay bakasyunan nang relatives nang dad ko ang bahay namin sa maynila. ang dad ko kase is all out kapag nandyan sino man sa relatives niya, e syempre may budget silang minamaintain given na parehong mababa lang ang sahod nila.. in the case of my family.. it did not end well hehe... good luck sis

[TinkerBelle_81]

haha i wouldn't like it too if my in laws are always at our house. i value my privacy

[rics]

In the Phils, and when we were growing up, a lot of our relatives (from both sides of the family) would stay in our house, year round yan. even until now, ganoon pa rin ang set up. nadagdagan na nga yan, kasi pati relatives ng sis in law ko pumupunta na rin. we call our house HOTEL or bahay bakasyunan.

with regards to the issue here, ako rin hindi comfortable with frequent visitors, whether it be my inlaws or my own parents. not that i dont love them or respect them, i just think of the hassle. kasi totoo naman yon na hindi mo sila pwede pabayaan while in your house, aasikasuhin mo pa rin sila, nakakapagod yan (you have to spend time with them, iisip ka ng ano pwede pakain, etc.). Pwede sila magbakasyon (my inlaws or my parents) for a month for as long as they do it only once a year. that way we can set aside time for them.

im also not comfortable when there are other people in the house, much more if its my inlaws. parang palagi may nakamasid, laging i had to watch my every move. so kahit makalat or magising ako ng tanghali, wala pupuna sa akin.

maybe the thread starters dad should have another thing na pwede pagka abalahan para hindi naman masyado ma-miss ang mga daughters.

[red_one]

same as sis rics, im not comfortable too.
like nung time na na kakalipat pa lang namin ni hubby sa new house namin, naku parang ang dami ko na agad na naririnig na plans from my father. na parang gusto nila mag-stay samin. eh my bago na family kaya papa ko. so isang pamilya sila titira samin. super kontra talaga ako. baket?....kasi ang reason ko and yung gusto ko talaga eversince, na once i got married eh titira kami sa sarili naming house, bubukod kami mag-asawa. ayoko titira ako sa in-laws ko or vice versa.  baket uli... first of course the privacy...second the budget, di po kami rich...third parang di na ako makakaranas ng katahimikan pag my iba pa tao sa bahay, maingay pa naman papa ko.
if visits na 1 day lang, like mag-lunch together lang sa bahay, it's ok with me. pero yung mag-stay ng matagal...mahirap yun.
so far ang setup namin ni hubby ngaun, eh kami talaga yung umuuwi ng laguna to visit them since pareho naman kami ni hubby lumaki in same province.

[rics]

eto mababaw lang naman that comes along with this scenario:

pag laging maraming bisita, parang laging ang gulo ng bahay. besides, ang dami din labahin after, kasi lahat na ginamit na beddings, you have to wash, you have to clean the room, you have to clean the bathrooms that they use also. buti sana if they help clean before they leave, eh most of the time hindi  naman.

but most importantly, you loose the privacy, kahit sabihin mo pa na very very close relatives or family ang nagbabakasyon sa inyo.

[Pink_Sugar]

with regards to the issue here, ako rin hindi comfortable with frequent visitors, whether it be my inlaws or my own parents. not that i dont love them or respect them, i just think of the hassle. kasi totoo naman yon na hindi mo sila pwede pabayaan while in your house, aasikasuhin mo pa rin sila, nakakapagod yan (you have to spend time with them, iisip ka ng ano pwede pakain, etc.). Pwede sila magbakasyon (my inlaws or my parents) for a month for as long as they do it only once a year. that way we can set aside time for them.

agree ako dito. hindi pa ako nag aasawa, pero 8 years na kami ni bf. pero ayaw ko na palaging may visitor kasi hassle pa sa pag aasikaso eh wala kaming maid. medyo kapa ko na din mga ugali ng relative ni bf kaya lalong mahirap kasi medyo ma-comment sila. 

[anjeli]

for me naman okay lang yung visits , pero yung halos tumira na sa house ,gugulo bahay medyo oc kasi ako 

[Priceless]

Hi sis,

Sounds to me either bored lang sila sa house nila or sa everyday routine nila, or gusto ng dad mo ilayo ang mom mo sa barkada nya.

What if bigyan mo sila ng pagkakaabalahan sa house, like a project? Or a pet? Ano kaya small business?

Para at least pwede mong sabihin sa kanila na you need them to be in batangas more para matutukan ang project or business? Tipong sari sari store kaya, o computer shop?

[girl24]

i'm on the side of TS' husband... like him hindi rin ako nakakakilos ng gusto ko pag me "ibang tao" sa bahay kahit pa bahay namin yun. what i mean by "ibang tao" lang in the sense na hindi namin sila kasama sa bahay, but of course as my husband's parents i give due respect. iba lang talaga ang way of life nila sa bahay nila. nahihirapan ako kasi i can not openly tell them how we run the house, baka maoffend. so pakikibagayan ko na lang until the blessed time would come na aalis na sila...  tsaka usually naman pag ganon mas stressed husband ko kasi mas meticulous yun kesa sa akin, mas kita niya mga gulo at dumi kahit hindi ako magreklamo.

[rics]

^i could not imagine how miserable i would be if hubby and i sleep with mil not only on the same room, but on the same bed.

anobayan! mag asawa kayo, its is common courtesy to have your privacy.
if that happened to me, mas mabuti aalis na lang ako ng bahay, bec this is certainly a deal breaker for me.  forgive the word ha, pero nakakdiri eh.

[miksha]

^ sis lilstar if nasa abroad na lahat nang kapatid ni hubby maybe they can talk na pwede sila magshare share to buy their mom a studio or rent a studio. hindi naman kailangan na malaki since siya lang ang titira and it doesn't have to be far para kung gusto either one ang dumalaw andyan lang. Nanay naman nila lahat siya hindi ba. Respetuhin natin ang ating mga magulang and ILs pero sila din kailangan alam nila tayong respetuhin at ang kanilang boundaries

[eiler0l]

sis relate ako dito ayaw ng husband ko na may pupuntang "ibang tao" sa house (kapal e house ng parents ko ito) Then if ever darating parents ko (once every month, then they will stay overnight lang) from province halos libre na 1 week food namin. Pag dumadating parents ko he seldom talks kakainis, then alam mo na iritable sya.
Kakainis talaga palayasin ko na lang kaya sya sa bahay ko 

[cldy_1981]

My husband also hates having my parents drop by our house, which i totally understand. Minsan kasi yung mom and brother ko may tendency na maging sobrang comfortable. Eh husband is very particular about that and even before we got married he was very upfront abt it so i cant complain abt it. Actually ako din naman di sang-ayon sa ganong behavior, i grew up kasi na mashadong "close" ang mga pamilya ko both sa father & mother side. May advantages but inhated yung part na obligado ka to do stuff kasi kamaganak mo or kelangan mong pakisamahan kasi baka may masabi. Hate ko yun.

Minsan kasi yun yung medyo di maganda about filipino families, they feel too entitled parang porket kamaganak eh dapat unahin sila or what. Pero kasi ang di naiintindihan ng maraminis that pag nagasawa na, may boundaries na dapat. Clear yun, even sa bible ganon ang sinasabi (i forgot lang what verse) dinnaman sa
Kinaklimutan mo na yung family mo pero dapat ang priority na talaga is yung family na binuonor binubuo nyo ng spouse mo.

[mbeeyap]

i can understand where your husband is coming from kasi i grew up na hindi kami masyadong nag-eentertain nga mga bisita for longer than 24hrs kahit pa relatives. at kung sanay ka na you always have privacy in your home, then biglang may intruder (kahit sino), who would stay for more than a day, nakakapagod din kasi you would go out of your way to have the guest feel at home. i mean it's ok if seldom lang, but in that situation na every month for a week.. hindi ko kaya. ayoko talaga ng pakiramdam na hindi ka komportable sa sarili mong bahay.

if you have guests, you can't do the things you're used to do privately. kahit pa ba wala silang pakialam kung tumambling ka jan, pero syempre at the back of your mind, naiisip mo na hindi lang ikaw ang nasa bahay so medyo babantayan mo na kilos mo, tsaka lalo pa ILs yun.

imo, if you understand your husband, do some excuses to limit your parents' visits.

and

if you understand your parents, visit them in the province once in a while.