pakikipagcompete sa family ng husband

[puzzicato]

it's hard when you have to compete w/ your husband's family.  super close ang family ng husband ko

[billy]

I felt bad when I read your post...but for me, for me lang naman ha, the issue may not be a) you and his family b) him and his family, but c) you and him. It is your relationship with him which may be your problem.

Kasi I believe it does not really matter if a husband is close to his family OR if a wife is close to her family. Iba ang relationship nila, iba ang relationship ninyong mag-asawa. Kahit ba gaano siya ka-close sa family niya (kasi ako, ganun ako sa siblings ko and I'd like to believe walang issue yun sa aming mag-asawa, or sa brother ko saka sa SIL ko), ideally dapat walang problema or walang effect yun sa relationship ninyo as a couple. Sana hindi naman yung tipong parang namimili siya lagi between you and them, tapos ikaw ang talo

[chicafabulosa]

My hubby's siblings are very close to each other too. But it doesn't bother me. May I ask lang, have you ever tried to talk to your husband about it? tell him how you feel. baka kasi naman nagoover react ka rin lang. common, why would you always want to feel bad about your husband's family. maybe mali na wala syang patience sayo but it doesn't mean you have to compete with his family. family pa rin sila ng husband mo kahit anong mangyari. instead of feeling bad about it, why not try na maging close mo sila. remember mas okay pag naging close mo sila. try harder to exert more effort on getting close with them. it may sound bad but I know it will work.

just stop feeling bad about yourself. if di mo talaga feel na mag antay, then wag ka na lang sumama. kesa naman sumama pa loob mo dahil nacocompare mo yung patience sayo ng husband mo and sa kanila. do your own thing, if that will make you feel better.

[nicegirl05]

^sis i feel sad for you.. ask ko lang magkakasama ba kayo sa house ng family ng husband mo?

[health.gal]

^^sis bakit hindi kayo humiwalay ng bahay sa kanila?

[chicafabulosa]

Are you living with them? If yes, I suggest you ask your husband to get your own place. kahit maliit kung may peace of mind ka, go. Sometimes in times like this, you need to be bitchy. Being bitchy doesn't mean you need to be harsh. All you need to do is show them that you will not tolerate any s*** from them. And you will not allow them to walk all over you.

I can see that YOU'RE WAY TOO NICE thus giving them more reason to treat you like that. If you show them that you don't want to be treated that way, then they will see that. Sometimes, you have to stand up and be firm. Do it with grace sis.

Super nice people are often nice being taken advantage. Of course they know that you will just keep quiet and take whatever they will do to you. But if you let them feel you won't let them treat you bad, they will respect you. Who cares if they will think umiiwas ka. Keeping your sanity is more important than receiving bad treatment from you. With what you have told me, they don't respect you at all. And when are you going to stop them? When it is too late? When you don't have even an inch of self esteem to let them know you don't deserve such treatment?

Do it now. If your hubby ask why you seems like avoiding them, tell him nicely how you feel towards their treatment sayo. If he reacts and kampi sa kanila, let him know your his wife. And if di nya kaya na kampihan ka and he still sees nothing is wrong sa ginagawa ng pamilya nya, sis sad to say ha but you have to re-consider your relationship with your husband. He should choose you and kahit mali ka dapat ikaw ang kakampihan nya. ikaw ang asawa nya, BETTER HALF.

[kaiz]

I feel for TS. Ganyan din kasi si hubby. Pag sa family niya ok lagi. Pag ako, laging tinatamad or busy.

[kvandenhaak]

Either they don't know exactly how you feel or they don't care. Whatever it is, you have to make it clear what they can and can't do. Tell them you want some privacy with your family. Kung magalit sila, that's their problem.

[chicafabulosa]

Puzzicato, yes the house will be given to him but until when can you tolerate their treatment to you. Oo umiyak sya but did he do something to correct his behavior. I mean if he really cares about you, he will do something to keep you feel prioritized. and sorry ha it may sound mean, kasi kahit di nya kaya na bumukod kayo, he will find a way to do it lalo na if it means saving your sanity and your marriage. his closeness to his family is getting into your family na. and its not right. there's nothing wrong being close with your family but he needs to understand, you're his better half and he needs to prioritize you and your family above everything else.

[juana_antonia]

Mahirap kasi talaga kapag kasama ang in-laws sa house dahil whether you like it or not, makikisama ka.  I agree with chicafabulosa, it would be better kung hihiwalay kayo ng house.

[chicafabulosa]

@Juana_antonia, di ba sis kahit di nila afford ngayon mag rent kakayanin ng husband nya if it means saving his wife's sanity and giving their family peace of mind right? di kasi ako naniniwala na porke di kaya you have to stick with what's given to you. Sabi nga nila "IF GUSTO MARAMING PARAAN, PAG AYAW MARAMING DAHILAN".

[chicafabulosa]

Well there you go. That's the answer to your problem. Just allow them to treat you like that. See, we have been giving you advice and I think you are not ready to do any action about it as well. So useless lang na mag advice pa kame kung on your end eh you still can't do it and still scared to stand for your right. oo di nyo kaya now, pero kung gusto nyo kakayanin nyo right? kasi ako kahit di ko kaya nun bumukod, kinaya ko kahit hirap na hirap na ako. just to prove to them i am not scared to stand for my right and to show them I won't tolerate any s*** from them. and from then on I gained their respect. kasi sis kahit maghapon, magdamag kame mag advice sayo kung ikaw mismo nagra rationalize na you dont see yourself moving out anytime soon, then harsh to ha, I don't think you have the right to complain. Complain ka na lang if you have the courage to move out. Sorry it may sound harsh but its the truth

[chicafabulosa]

Puzzicato, kahit sino kaya umiyak JUST TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY. wag kang padala sa iyak, anong magagawa ng iyak nya? magbabago ba treatment ng pamilya nya sayo? hindi di ba. ang mali kasi sayo, you allow them to treat you like that. ang tao di maagrabyado kung di mo hahayaan sila maagrabyado ka. kung sasabihin nila asawa ka lang, aba kaya nga naging asawa kasi IKAW ANG HALF NG PAGKATAO NYA at hindi sila. minsan kasi ang tao kailangan ng isang masakit na action sa taong naagrabyado para matauhan.

Puzzicate share ko sayo ang isang ginawa ko sa asawa ko ha. Buntis ako ng 11 months nun, I have been tolerating his pambabae. pero nung 11 months na ako, i told myself, ayoko paglabas ng anak ko ganun pa rin ang makikita ng anak ko. na walang pahalaga ang ama nya sa akin. wala na akong work simula ng mabuntis ako. narendundant ako plus sobrang selan ng pregnancy ko, bed ridden ako kasi nagi spotting ako. total nakadepende ako sa kanya sa daily expenses ko. wala akong ipon from previous job kasi super engot pa ako nun na super charity case ako sa family ng kuya ko. then inaway ako ng buong pamilya ko, wala akong kasama sa bahay. alam mo ano ginawa ko, nag-impake ako nung 11 months ako. sobra na sabi ko sa sarili ko. kahit mahirap at wala ako matutuluyan, lumayas ako sa bahay. nakituloy ako sa mga kaibigan ko. then one time hinimatay ako, siguro dahil na rin sa sama ng loob ko. di alam ng maid ng kaibigan ko ang gagawin. tinawagan nya asawa ko. alam mo, dumating sya. umiyak sya at humingi ng tawad. sinabi ko, walang magagawa ang iyak nya kung di sya magbabago at iiwan ang pokpok na yun. at sabi ko di ko ipapakita anak ko sa kanya. ayun, iniwan nya si pokpok at sinundo ako. from then on, alam nya di ko itotolerate ang kalokohan nya. and now na di na ako buntis, alam nya kaya ko lalo lumaban sa kanya ng sabayan. one time nakita ko sya na nag message na naman yung isang pokpok, ayun tinutukan ko sya ng baril. at si girl, sinugod ko sa bar. di ako natatakot na ipaglaban right ko. si hubby now super bait at tino na. alam nya na di ako natatakot na ipaglaban ang right ko as his wife.

now di ko lang alam kung hanggang san ang kaya mo itolerate sa kanila. baka di mo alam, ultimo ikaw wala ka ng respeto sa sarili mo. wag mong hayaan na pati respeto at self esteem mo sirain nila. yun na lang ang pinanghahawakan mo, wag mo i allow na kunin pa nila yun.

bilib ako sayo supertears. tama ginawa mo. wag kang papayag na iiwanan ka dahil lang gusto magpadrive ng nanay nya kahit na ganyan na situation mo. eh bakit hindi nanay nya nag hire ng for rent na car na may driver, napakawalang puso naman nun. nakakainis.

[nicegirl05]

^^ go go sis, hanga ako sa courage mo. sana gumaling ka na rin..

[ishi_08]

mga sis, share ko lang ang burden ko, 8 months preggy na. ang pinag awayan namin sis, ay ang pagbili ng gamit ni baby. ok na ako id dec na ang crib at stroller, kasi dipa [textspeak!] nya magagamit. nagpapabili ako ng bathtub at higaan na may kulambo. He told me na puro daw ako pabili at gastos. Magtipid daw ako. Sa sobrang badtrip ko nasabi ko na, bakit yung nanay nya, isang sabi lang na ooperahan ang tyahin nya, gusto ba naman ibigay ang 50k. Naiinis kasi ako dahil alam nilang cs ako at malapit na akong manganak. tapos hihingi sila ng gaung pera. Ngayon na naman pati panggamot, to think na hindi lang sya ang pamangkin at kamag anak. samantalang sa anak nmin magtipid daw! its a big BS for me! 

[chicafabulosa]

mga sis, share ko lang ang burden ko, 8 months preggy na. ang pinag awayan namin sis, ay ang pagbili ng gamit ni baby. ok na ako id dec na ang crib at stroller, kasi dipa [textspeak!] nya magagamit. nagpapabili ako ng bathtub at higaan na may kulambo. He told me na puro daw ako pabili at gastos. Magtipid daw ako. Sa sobrang badtrip ko nasabi ko na, bakit yung nanay nya, isang sabi lang na ooperahan ang tyahin nya, gusto ba naman ibigay ang 50k. Naiinis kasi ako dahil alam nilang cs ako at malapit na akong manganak. tapos hihingi sila ng gaung pera. Ngayon na naman pati panggamot, to think na hindi lang sya ang pamangkin at kamag anak. samantalang sa anak nmin magtipid daw! its a big BS for me! 

Ay di naman pwede ang ganun? Paano na lang pag lumabas na ang baby nyo? Essential ang bathtub and kulambo? Ano gusto nya papakin yung anak nyo or mabagok dahil nadulas habang pinapaliguan mo? Grabe, you should tell him its essential sa anak nyo. Pero do it with grace sis. Never raise your voice, control your temper plus say it nicely pero firmly.

[jessygurl]

I feel for TS. Ganyan din kasi si hubby. Pag sa family niya ok lagi. Pag ako, laging tinatamad or busy.

  same here pero I took it positively. Instead na magdamot ako, lalo ko pa silang nilalapit sa isat isa..wala naman kasing masamang pinakita ang in-laws ko. Yes at times, nagseselos ako kasi at times, pinaparamdam nyang mas importante sila kesa sa akin. Pero I have learned to embrace the situation. Like nung mahospitalized ang sister-in-law ko, ako nagvolunteer na yung kuya nya magbantay sa kanya..alam ko din naman pakiramdam ng maospital na walang bantay considering na bedrest pa ang sister-in-law ko, sinasabihan ko syang umuwi sa province kahit sandali para makasama ang MIL ko when I had my company outing..Yung mga ganun..Instead na magmukmok ako sa selos, mas napapalapit sya sa family nya at pati na din ako..mas na-aappreciate nila ako at tinuturing na hindi na iba.kasi alam nila, hindi ako katulad ng ibang asawa ng OFW..(di ko naman nilalahat.)...ngayon very positive ako sa in-laws ko..FYI, I didnt do it para magpabango lang pero nag reach out lang din ako para hindi na din mahirapan ang hubby ko na manimbang...Pamilya na talaga treatment sa isat isa kaya masayang masaya na din ako.