LDR dillema...

[Girltalker2]

^ Alam mo sis, pag nagrecall ako, parang last month lang nagalit ako for something. We were both travelling in 2 different countries.  Pero pag ni-r-recall ko ngayon bakit ako nainis, di ko na maalala.  Pero I make it a point to let him know, in a not so violent way (haha) -- easier for me I guess kasi hindi kami LDR. When we convened, I told him we just have to make that extra effort to always keep each other updated when we are away (say kung lalabas at walang wifi sa labas). 

Basta point is, tuwing may mangyayaring ganyan, huminahon ka muna. That is key.  Kung kelan hindi ka na galit na galit, tsaka kayo mag usap. Avoid messaging him muna din kung emotional ka pa.  Minsan food (pag gutom) or tulog (pag pagod) lang ang katapat. 

[kwang sun]

sabi nila kelangan ng space ang isang relasyon. do you still need this kung nasa LDR relationship? general question lang. guys/girls?

[The5thElement]

of course hindi na need ng space. dagat na ang pagitan nyo space pa? hehe.
kidding aside, i don't believe in cool off thing kasi if that's what you mean.
"space" meaning dapat hindi muna kayo naguusap, no communication at all.

pag nangyari yun, most likely, you'll entertain other guys naman.
and it'll end up you have a new relationship...so cool off = break up. finding new love..

space = cool off = break up. finding new love..

[duchessxspeaks]

of course hindi na need ng space. dagat na ang pagitan nyo space pa? hehe.
kidding aside, i don't believe in cool off thing kasi if that's what you mean.
"space" meaning dapat hindi muna kayo naguusap, no communication at all.

pag nangyari yun, most likely, you'll entertain other guys naman.
and it'll end up you have a new relationship...so cool off = break up. finding new love..

space = cool off = break up. finding new love..

Natawa naman ako sa "space" na yan!

SO asked for space and time to think. Pressures of the distance daw. LDR kami from the start. Everytime we see each other tapos he has to leave, it gets harder. I asked if ayaw na nya, he can't answer that question pa daw.

I was super confused at first, pero I hate it when things are on limbo, so I tell myself wala na talaga. Easier than wondering about what's going on in his head while we're on this break.

[The5thElement]

pag maglayo kayo, maaring isa snyo ay may minimeet na iba
aside from the fact na malabo ang labeling ng relationship nyo.
LDR = Labo Da Relationship...

Natawa naman ako sa "space" na yan!

SO asked for space and time to think. Pressures of the distance daw. LDR kami from the start. Everytime we see each other tapos he has to leave, it gets harder. I asked if ayaw na nya, he can't answer that question pa daw.

I was super confused at first, pero I hate it when things are on limbo, so I tell myself wala na talaga. Easier than wondering about what's going on in his head while we're on this break.

[duchessxspeaks]

^ haha! an ex from several years ago once gave me this gem - "pag hindi kayang patunayan, wag pag isipan"

I believe his reason for asking for time. I had a feeling na rin na he'd choke. Was kind of just hoping for the best. Still am. Just more reality now than just sunshine and rainbows and "don't give up on us, baby" 

[The5thElement]

"don't give up on us..." only applies to those struggling couples na magkalapit.
pag magkalayo, "gimme! gimme!" and "i'm yours..." na yan sa iba...hahahaha

^ haha! an ex from several years ago once gave me this gem - "pag hindi kayang patunayan, wag pag isipan"

I believe his reason for asking for time. I had a feeling na rin na he'd choke. Was kind of just hoping for the best. Still am. Just more reality now than just sunshine and rainbows and "don't give up on us, baby" 

[duchessxspeaks]

d naman cool off meaning ko ng space .. yung giving some time to mingle with friends and family instead of palaging nakadikit na lang sa monitor to skype with each other type of space kumbaga..

Oo naman. Same as any relationship. Hindi rin naman convenient kung laging naka dikit sa computer or sa phone.

I know someone, on lagi video nila when they're at home. They do their own thing pa din. Parang cctv lang

[The5thElement]

dahil magkalayo kayo hindi naman nya malalaman na nakipagparty or go out ka with friends a.
just do your own thing, magkalayo naman kayo e. hindi naman kailangan "nakacctv" ka sa kanya all the time...

d naman cool off meaning ko ng space .. yung giving some time to mingle with friends and family instead of palaging nakadikit na lang sa monitor to skype with each other type of space kumbaga..

[kwang sun]

but how often is enough na hindi masyado  magcommunicate para magkaroon ng time to miss each other?

[Yal]

This is a long post. Sorry, pero please read po.

Need advice because I feel disrespected.

Nakabased siya sa Canada, 3 months pa lang kami and last naming kita is 2002 pa, college classmate ko siya. Friend ko siya sa FB and nakakachat until nadevelop. Ang problem sa kanya is may pagkama-L siya, kaya gusto nya sex chat. So pag di ko pinagbibigyan, or inaasar ko, nagtatampo pero after one day, sinusuyo nya naman ako.

Pero ngayon, kapag di mo pinagbigyan, nababadtrip at natitiis akong hindi kausapin at ang end up, ako pa susuyo sa kanya. Yun ang lagi naming pinag-aawayan and to think alam naman nya na virgin pa ako and yet parang di nya maintindihan yun.

Hindi naman sa nagpapakipot ako or something, kung tutuusin pag-uwi nya this December, payag nga ako na may mangyari na samin, hindi pa niya mahintay yun. Sex chat is not my thing kasi and sabi ko hindi ko alam pano gawin yun, and sabi nya iba daw ang walang alam sa ayaw matuto.

Kapag may times na sinasakyan ko siya, bumabalik yung pagiging sweet nya, pero pag may times na tumatanggi ako, nababadtrip at hindi ako talaga kakausapin.

Eto yung last naming conversation:

HIM: Baby, ang tigas neto?

ME: Ang alin?

Tapos hindi siya nagreply. So hindi ako nakatiis, nagmessage ako ulit.

ME: Hay, baby, inaatake ka na naman ng toyo.

HIM: Ang lakas mong mang-asar eh.

ME: Ikaw nga nasasanay na ako dyan sa kamanyakan mo, tapos sa pang-aasar ko hindi ka masanay-sanay, unfair.

HIM: Hindi ako manyak, tuod ka lang.

ME: Hindi ka manyak? Weh? Talaga lang ah.

HIM: Ah ganun ba? Sorry ah, sige hanap ka na lang ng iba, marami pa naman dyan.

ME: Napakasensitive naman talaga. Sabi na eh, one-sided lang tong relasyon na to, pinapaniwala mo lang na mahal mo ko, anyway, sige hindi na kita iistorbohin.

HIM: Kapal talaga neto. One-sided kasi wala pang nangyayari. Pinaghihintay mo ko hanggang makauwi ako tapos sasabihin mo one-sided, mag-isip ka nga.


ME: Eh paano mas pinipili mo pang toyoin, paanong hindi ako mapapaisip noon.

HIM: At ikaw mas pinipili mo pang pahirapan ako. Kung hindi ka makatiis, madami pang iba dyan.

ME: okay.

Any thoughts? Sorry po sa haba ng post ko. Nawiwindang ako sa kanya eh. Up until now, hindi nya pa ako kinakausap and ayoko ng suyuin siya ng suyuin, nawiwili masyado eh.

Thank you sa pagtyatyagang basahin.

[kwang sun]

^ i just want to react to that post above.. sis sorry to tell u ha pero may needs amg guys  kahit na ldr. need nila sex so even if virgin ka pa pwede naman din kayo mag experiment. pero kung feeling mo inaabuso ka na tama na pero kung hindi naman ... do your part as a girlfriend or else maghahanap yan ng iba :/

[Pink_Sugar]

^manyak talaga yan, palitan mo na yan sis.

[chichuck]

HIM: At ikaw mas pinipili mo pang pahirapan ako. Kung hindi ka makatiis, madami pang iba dyan.

sis dapat para sa kanya yung sinabi nya na yan eh.. siya kasi yung hindi marunong magtiis

[simang]

Hi sis Yal! More than being manyak I think your boyfriend is very rude.

[cecilydee]

Yung the way he talks to you, is really disrespectful. Hindi justifiable behaviour yan. Okay..lets look into his perspective: Yes, he has needs. But I doubt sa manyak nyang ugali e hindi siya nanonood ng porn? He probably has stash of pornography in his computer or cellphone. So, malalabas niya yan without having to make you do something you dont want. Ngayon kung ang dahilan niya is gusto niya ikaw ang pagnasaan niya rather than yung mga porn. First of all how can you be sure that after you make a show, eh hindi na siya babalik sa porn? Im stating another point of view lang. Another point is what if he is fooling around na in Canada. Well, based from what I know medyo mahirap makahanap ng panandaliang aliw sa Canada lol. Either mahal or di laganap etc..This guy is not worth your time. Baka naghahanap nalang yan ng iba kaya parati kang sinusuyo after niyang makipag away kasi wala na siyang choice sa Canada (sorry :/) wag ka mag give in agad sa kanya. He is using emotional blackmail on you for obvious selfish reasons. And take note wala kang toyo. Sadyang wholesome ka lang. Siya yang may toyo, turnilyo atbp.

[The5thElement]

tama! rude and disrespectful yan online BF mo.

Hi sis Yal! More than being manyak I think your boyfriend is very rude.

and another tama! iiwan ka nyan pag nakuha na gusto nyan syo...

^^^i would say he should be sensitive enough na wala ka pang alam dun. And hindi yung pipilitin ka sa bagay na hindi ka pa ready. Ok sige sa december ready ka na. Pero december na ba?

And hindi ka nya dapat pinipilit and magagalit sya dahil lang hindi mo sya mapag bigyan. And needs nya lang iniisip nya.

Manyak nga. He can tell u naman his needs pero dapat consider nya rin situation mo.

Baka iwan ka lang nyan pag nakuha na nya gusto nya.

[Yal]

Sobrang thank you po sa mga comments nyo, sobrang naliwanagan ako. Wala, t****'t bulag ako pag in love. Hinahayaan ko lang kasi siya na ganon gawin niya sa akin, kaya inabuso. Okay, na  din na hindi pa kami ganon katagal, mas madaling makamove on. Thank you, thank you po talaga. God bless us all.

[shyreen]

Same company kami ni bf magkaibang project. Pinadala ko dito sa US for 2 years at posible pa maextend hanggang 6 years. Sobrang lungkot ng LDR lalo pag sanay talaga kayo dati na lagi magkasama. Sinasabi ko sa kanya na sana dito nalang din siya maghanap ng work, o di kaya ivoice out nya sa project na interested siya maonshore para mabigyan siya ng opportunity para pareho na kami andito. Tingin ko gusto niya, kaya lang andun yung pride. Ayaw daw niya na pinangungunahan siya, siya nalang bahala magdecide. Dun ako naiinis sa kanya. Parang di niya ko sinasali sa decision, dito lang ako nagiintay kung ano maging pasya niya. Alam ko hindi madali, pero tinutulungan ko naman siya, naghahanap ako ng company, nagtatanong sa mga kakilala. Pero parang di siya interested. Dream ko sana na dito kami magstart para kung sakali mang gusto na namin magsettle down mas makpagipon kami. Ang kinasasama ng loob ko parang feeling ko wala syang plano para samin. Iniisip niya yung pride nya. 9 years na kami pero hindi pa sya nagopen kung ano future plan niya para samin. Ayoko naman mapressure siya pero nkakadisappoint lang naguguluhan ako kung may patutunguhan ba to.  Kaya tuwing nagmemessage siya na miss na niya ko, antagal pa nya ko ulit makikita, parang gusto ko sabihin, choice mo din yan e. May tourist visa din siya pero hindi naman interested kahit bisitahin man lang ako, nanghihinayang sa gastos, kahit pa sabihin ko sasagutin ko ang pamasahe. Hay mali ba ko na nageexpect ako ng ganito? Ang sa isip ko kasi, kung talagang miss na niya ko at gusto na niya ko makita, gagawa siya ng paraan.

[Girltalker2]

^ if I'm younger, I would advice you to talk it out and tell him what you think should happen.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I would usually advise a cool off period to make him think and realise what he wants. And also to make you not think of him. Isipin mo nalang what you're missing by hanging on to this relationship na walang kasiguraduhan.

It is your loss and his (perhaps) loss as well. Dami kaya mas guapo, mas responsible at mas may direction na guys dyan kesa sa nag aantay ka ng wala. So cool off and evaluate your next move. Sometimes mahirap especially nasanay ka na, but most of the time, these are the life changing decisions that lead you to a more successful and happier life on the future.