Please Advise - Husband Cheated,Should I Give Him Another Chance?

[chinkywinky]

My husband cheated on me, well indirectly and my only proof were his chat history with the girl. I told him before we got married, once he cheats on me it's game over. I was so timid then, I cried alone. I was meaning to get a separation but he begged and cried and swore to change for the better so I gave him another chance. Ngayon, bumait na sya (hopefully). He removed his fb account as well. Negligent asawa ko, kahit hindi ko mahuli sa akto, nahuhuli ko naman sa chat history and internet history. Medyo techie ako and I can find ways. I can see naman na he's doing his best to be a better husband so I think it's worth giving him that chance. He knows what would happen pag inulit pa nya. I am not dependent to him at all, he knows that. I have my own career, I receive a good paycheck, which is more than enough. Since we got married, hawak nya atm nya never ko kinuha kasi nga I have my own money to spend. At wala kaming anak kaya alam nyang mabilis ko syang mahihiwalayan, walang batang involved.

Yung pagiging independent ko in many ways help me a lot to become tough. Sometimes, us women should practice it. Threatened husband ko ngayon, I could feel na he wanted me to depend on him more  Siguro isip nya, ang abrupt ko mag decide kasi I could stand on my own.

[aquacharly]

^good positioning. 

IMO, the success factor of getting the life a woman wants is significantly increased if she is financially independent.  How can you design the life you want if you have no power, a little voice, or ignored on significant issues? 

[blushberry]

Lisse:  It's my first time to read your post, and I'm so glad, that as a woman, you were able to rise above all these, with dignity and self respect still in tact. 

This is one of my reasons for wanting to be financially independent.  Tama lahat ng posts here, when you are independent, your husband will respect you more, and would probably think twice or thrice, before cheating on you or even play mind games kasi he knows you can always just leave him    It's so hard to be a wife talaga, maraming temptations kasi some girls really have no self respect.  Our men are weak creatures too!

[lisse]

Hi sis @lisse, na touch ako sa bible verse. Thank you,. I need this. Godbless sis,

YW, sis, and God bless you too!

Omg same here. 4 years married only. I found out thru his phone. Im at a loss on what to do. We have a 1yr old son and a 3mos old baby that will be baptized next week. I am not ready yet to tip the balance til after the baptism. But after next week i cringe at what will happen when i confront him. I want to talk to his sister because she is level headed but im so afraid.

Sis, I am so sorry to hear this. I really know how you feel, although wala gaming anak, I am sure I have a good idea of your pain. Just be calm, and do not ever decide based on emotions. Take your time and assess everything, check the cards on your hand. And always pray. It helps a lot.

Lisse:  It's my first time to read your post, and I'm so glad, that as a woman, you were able to rise above all these, with dignity and self respect still in tact. 

This is one of my reasons for wanting to be financially independent.  Tama lahat ng posts here, when you are independent, your husband will respect you more, and would probably think twice or thrice, before cheating on you or even play mind games kasi he knows you can always just leave him    It's so hard to be a wife talaga, maraming temptations kasi some girls really have no self respect.  Our men are weak creatures too!

I so agree! Kung nagkataon talaga na I let him talk me into heeding his plans (staying home lang), eh di sa kangkungan siguro ako pinulot ngayon.

A little update: my decree was finalized last April. A couple of weeks after that, my ex asked to borrow $3,000 from me. Kapal huh! I told him I have no extra funds, ako na nga nagbayad ng lawyer namin pati court costs and filing fees eh. The lawyer refunded me the unused portion of his retainer pero I didn't tell him that. Bahala sya, lol!

[cecilydee]

Congrats sis! do you still need to file for annulment sa pinas para maging single ka sa nso? Or us citizen kana? Just a thought lang hehe..

[lisse]

^di pa ko US Citizen. If I stayed married to my petitioner (my ex), I can file na this September. But since I am no longer married to him, I need to wait for 2 more years (5th year of my being a PR). Ok lang, at least it will be on my own merits and not because of him. Also, hindi ko pa napaparecognize satin yung divorce namin. But since my USC ex is the one who filed (Plaintiff), and he is not under the Phils Law, they will recognize the divorce. Magpapa-regular muna ako sa new job ko kasi medyo tight ang budget ko ngayon. Build up ulit ng savings. alam mo naman every filing sa gov requires $$.

[aeri_lin88]

Hi Girls,

Here is my story. My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. We didn't date long, just a few months of dating, I got pregnant and since we are hopeful, we decided to get married. We are both fairly young, I am 27, he is 30. Stable job for the both of us, no money issue. He is a Taiwanese expat but most of the time he stays in PH and will go back to Taiwan every 2mos for a few days.
Our relationship is generally good, not overly romantic but stable.

After we had a baby, there are a lot of adjustments. We only have a live out helper and after work and weekends, we tend to our baby ourselves. Our couple time got less and less. Every time we go out, it is with a baby and our baby is really fuzzy. When we dine out, we have to take turns eating so that one will watch the kid, while the other eats. It is very tiring but it was generally ok, no major fights and I complain a lot. My husband on the other hand, never complains and always just say, "it will get easier soon."  I can say my husband is a wonderful father and a fairly good husband.

Recently, I lost my phone so my husband lent his old one. Of course he logged out everything. One day, I wasn't particularly snooping but I found out his FB account was still logged in. So I checked (Aug 10). I found this long chat messages from his ex-girlfriend (also Taiwanese). They started chatting July 11, last message was July 30, it was my husband who initiated it.  The flow of messages were innocent at first, talking about family life, work, babies. The chat continued for two weeks or so. The EXGF asked when my husband will go back to Taiwan and maybe they can have a meal, they exchanged numbers and my husband informed his return.

From the messages, they had a meal. The last message was July 30 and the girl said that she still misses my husband and sometimes she wished she didnt got married to someone else and have her own family. She also said that maybe it was her punishment for abandoning my husband when they were young. She said she hopes they can be friends again someday but for now she thinks it is better to say goodbye. My husband agreed and said it was better to cut contact and focus on their respective family.

I confronted my husband and asked him if he ever met the EXGF when he went to Taiwan. He said no. After showing the screencaps, he eventually said yes, they did. But it was an innocent meal and nothing more He said that he felt the girl was getting "clingy", he tried to distance himself. He said they didnt have sex. I was furious because he lied and hid things from me. I felt betrayed. He was apologetic, cried every time. My mind was confused so I decided to send the screencaps to the EXGF's husband.  The EXGF's Husband said, stay put until he get info from his wife. A few days of arguing with my husband and a lot of stress, I convinced myself, I am tired and I don't wan to be upset anymore just because of a meal. I decided I'll forgive my husband (Aug 22).

Aug 22 PM, the EXGF Husband messaged me and confirmed to me that according to his wife, she and my husband had sex the night they had the meal. I confronted my husband, his face was priceless. He said he didn't admit the whole truth coz of fear of losing us.  He added that the girl told him she has no place to go so being a good guy he let her in. Of course I dont believe this, the girl lives in Taipei and not homeless. She sure has place to go home. My husband is persistent he was just tempted, that he has no feelings for the EXGF anymore. He is very apologetic, cried like a baby.

I already have a lawyer for our annulment. I am furious and heartbroken but I know in myself, I still love my husband. I am very conflicted as I don't want my son to have a broken family but at the same time, I don't think I can forgive or forget what he did. I know that if it happened once, it can happen again. He will just get better at hiding things from me. Funny is that every time I feel my love for him, I also remember how he betrayed us.

Girls, what should I do? I considered so many things already: 1. getting even but I cannot do it  2. leaving temporarily with my kid  so I can heal and plan well 3. leave without my kid 4. annulment 5.let go and accept.

Badly need other people's perspective. Thanks!

[dismembered]

Girls, what should I do? I considered so many things already: 1. getting even but I cannot do it  2. leaving temporarily with my kid  so I can heal and plan well 3. leave without my kid 4. annulment 5.let go and accept.

I don't know what to say, but if I were in your position and my wife cheated on me, the first thing I would do is option number 2, which is to leave temporarily with my kid so I can heal and plan well. I think this should be the first thing you need to do. You have to let time tone down your feelings so that it won't cloud your judgment when you think about the things you are gonna do. He cheated, it happened, you're hurt and  the least you should not do is act according to your emotions. Let things calm down on your part, go to your parents, ask for advice etc. Pray a lot. Then talk to husband when you are ready and discuss your decisions. In the end, it is your life and your kid's. Whatever decision you made, it is you and your kid who will reap the cons and pros.

[fabnbeautiful]

hard answer, but cheating is like pag once na try na niya and nakalusot na siya... paulit ulit nalang.
cycle na siya forever and ever.
so best is decide for yourself, you like it ba or nakakapagod, then do your action.

[Shadow Angel]

^^sis dismembered pareho tayo kapag nagcheat sa akin hindi ko na kya patawarin. Para sa akin hindi lang un pagkakamali. May isip naman sila alam nil ang tama at mali. napag usapan na rin namin ni hubby ito na both sides kapag may 3rd party no chances na.

[AnaJeevan]

I believe that you can forgive him but you don't have to give him another chance.Chances are he will cheat you again. You deserve loyalty.

[Shadow Angel]

^tama kapag binigyan ng 2nd chances you giving him another chance to cheat you. And you admitted na nagkamali lang which is para sa akin cheating hindi un pagkakamali desisyon nila un na mgloko.

[chinkywinky]

you are brave, Lisse. I read your story throughout. You suffered long enough and you deserve all the blessings. Keep the faith burning

[bettebette]

For me sis, whether or not may work ka o wala, kung talagang womanizer ang hubby mo, ganun talaga sya. This is something you should learn to accept kung decided ka na maging kasama sya habang buhay.

For me sis, don't ask for a divorce just because of this. Maraming maraming marami pa kayong pagsasamahan, isang issue palang yan eh divorce na agad ang magiging solution nyo. Pano nalang kung mag away kayo sa mas malalaking issue. I'm aware na malaking issue ang cheating, pero may mas malaki pa dyan, believe me sis. Madali sanang hiwalayan yan kung BF mo palang sya, pero pag asawa mo na, dapat pinagiisipan muna lahat.

Now if you want to ask me kung anong magandang solution, I suggest you teach him a lesson. Sometimes, giving him a taste of his own medicine is advisable, not because you want to take revenge, pero kase ang lalake mahina yan minsan sa empathy, unlike us. If you want a detailed info, pls PM me. Ang haba kasi ng pwedeng isuggest.

[Shadow Angel]

^ para sa akin natural lang sa lalaki na magmamakaawa, iiyak etc. Mahal na mahal ka pero nagawa ka pa rin lokohin. Isa pa ginusto nya rin un may painom inom pa kahit alam nya babae kainuman nya. Kung talaga gusto nya umiwas sa tukso sa pag invite pa lang ng pag inom hindi na dapat sya pumayag. Kung ako mahirap ako magpatawad at magbigay ng chance sa taong cheater. 

[super bratinella]

sis mariah04 for me, you did the right thing. It's one mistake that he is so sorry about and the revenge that you can ever do to him is kill him with your kindness, give him no reason to cheat again and give him all the reason to be a changed man, after all you are his wife and need to accept and love him at his worst,

[Mr.Jazcy]

give him a chance but make a final warning... like next time he do it again, no more explaination, leave and forget each other.
Everyone deserves a second chance