sex talks to kids and malisya

[amethyst028]

ask ko lang as parents if you gave "sex talk and protection" to your kids. if so what age? and if not will you in the future or never? for me i'd rather go through it than makabuntis anak ko later on or magka sexual disease dahil hindi siya na educate ng tama. i hope and pray to God na hindi siya maging sexually active pero times are changing, who knows what teenage behavior will be like in 5 or 10yrs from now.

one more question is what age nagka malisya yung anak niyo. like feeling niyo nagkaka hots na for the opposite sex. more on boys siguro ito.

my son is turning 9 pa lang naman. napapa isip lang ako lately regarding this. may mga guys kasi ako nakausap before na 7yrs. old daw nag masturbate na sila and mga 9 or 10 nag watch na ng porn or looks at magazines. dala ng mga barkada. for now wala naman signs na may ganun anak ko.

can you share your experience in raising pre-teens lalo na boys. im a single mom and kame lang 2 ng anak ko sa house. i want to prepare myself for the changes in my son as he grows up kesa maging in denial that it is happening.

[momentum]

Eto rin isa sa kinakatakutan ko when my daughter becomes a teenager. She's turning 5yo palang naman but it won't hurt na "macondition" na ako to learn about this

[agape]

I would teach them first how to protect themselves from sexual abuse by sexual offenders.
Mahirap na kasi eh. They should know when something is wrongly done to them, how to avoid it from happening and that they should speak up if in case it does happen.

For guys siguro nga it starts around 7-10 years old, but it depends on who their friends are, and how exposed they are.

[BDJ]

Ito ang trauma ko sa tatay ko. Verbally harassed ako na yung jokes niya lahat may malisya and then he is fond of saying malicious words. Grabe 9 pa lang ako nun na nakaka stress yung adolescent period ko yung tipong my chest is starting to grow sobra yung panghaharass niya sa akin about boobs tapos pinahihiya niya ako with other people in which tuwang tuwa pa siya na I am being harassed. Sad part is hindi man lang ako pinagtatanggol ng mom ko. Kaya nga pati period ko hindi ko sinabi kasi everyone in the place is harassing me about pagdadalaga.

Tapos ito pa I am totally bothered with this granny in law na mahilig sa mga mahahalay na expression like kapag may nalaglag sasabihin "!Ay pu^^ mo nalaglag" Tapos magtatanong pa na bakit marami bang kaagaw ang "b" mo? yung bisaya term ng private part.  Very proud pa siya na bastos siya at gusto niya pagbigyan siya ng mga tao regarding run  Hindi ko na nga masikmura eh! Tapos siya itong begging with respect. Very ironic talaga.

It is confirmed now na I am carrying a baby girl, preggy ako na sa August na manganganak. I told my hubby na malaki ang worries ko with the environment that we have. Unang worry ko yung Lola ng hubby ko na mahilig sa mga bastos na terms and bastos na conversation. I told my hubby as well to be respectful to our daughter and I really want to value sense of decency. I am not expecting my daughter to be conservative pero makuha man lang niya yung sense of decency is malaking bagay na yun. Kaya nga I told my hubby as well that I am willing to enroll for self defense right after kong manganak kasi I really want to be ready. Takot lang si hubby na baka naman maging violent ako na drastic ang dating.

Yung pagbubuntis ko nga lang I am not comfortable with other people to discuss it in fact when my mom is pushing me to go with her sa ibang relatives I am insisting talaga na ayoko because I am not comfortable sa mga itatanong or conversation. Mapili talaga ako sa mga taong makakausap ko rito kasi yung iba nauuwi sa bastusan.

I told my hubby na pati breast feeding itatago ko pa as in gusto ko ng privacy dahil ayoko yung hinaharass ako rito. There are other relatives that I am not comfortable to talk about private things again nauuwi rin sa bastusan.

Again since I will be having a daughter which is maselang usapan ang mangyayari sa ganitong bagay lalo na sa pagdadalaga niya I am hoping that I am credible, sensible conversationalist, and explain very well at maging MARUNONG ako sa pagdiscuss ng sex talk and what can be the possible result. Just like agape I want to teach my daughter to protect herself. I would also pray to protect in all harms, I will tell my daughter to kapag nakatanggap siya ng sex jokes coming from a rude person lalo na classmate then report to the teacher tapos ako rin ang magbibigay ng action. I will tell my daughter na magsumbong sa akin kung sino man yung relatives na mambabastos sa kanya then hopefully I can make confrontation. Gulo kung gulo lalo na sa mga taong garapal at hindi makikinig.

I also want to discuss to my daughter regarding the culture and what could be the possible effect psychologically and emotionally. Of course physically as well kung ano ang pwedeng maging effect kung paano rin mag-ingat. And of course the decision making. If she is decided to talk about this with other people then SHE MUST CHOOSE THE RIGHT AND RELIABLE PERSON. I will let her consult OB Gyne too if needed. Hindi ako papayag na basta basta kung sino ang makikipag usap sa kanya ng mga personal na bagay.

I have a 4 year old nephew in which nung 3 years old pa lang he has a concept of boobs tapos sinasabihan pa yung Nanay niya na I like your bra. May concept siya na kapag labas cleavage mo you are sexy.

The problem with other parents noon pa they are always in denial about this matter tapos hahaluan pa nila ng religious aspect ipaparamdam sayo na how immoral you are when you are talking about this sensitive thing. That is why no wonder until now it is debatable. Ang dami na ngang naliligaw ang landas because of this eh! Paano yung iba are not educated well.

[seven82]

i have a daughter din and isa ito sa mga concerns ko. as much as we want to protect and educate our child/children may situations where we have no control of. just like yesterday nasa mall kami papunta ng parking and nadaanan namin isang appliance center may 2 malaking tv na ang pinalalabas nung isa e music video with two girls kissing and touching each other tapos yung isa avatar. may ilang parents with kids na tumigil para manuod pero ano ba yung pinanunuod nila? i tried to rush my daughter para bumilis yung lakad namin hoping na hindi niya makita yung naghahalikan. my daughter is turning 6 and nasa stage siya where she wants to know everything. as in everything. very high ang curiosity niya and she asks talaga.

like dito sa store minsan may buyers kami na gay. i don't have anything against them but yun nga sometimes their behavior and language is not appropriate for kids. alam na ng daughter ko yung word na bakla. i asked her once kung ano yung meaning nun and she answered me "a boy who dresses and acts like a girl" sometimes yung mga pumupunta dito na gay may kasamang bf and naghaharutan pa sa harap ng tindahan and yung language nila e hindi pang kids. and may mga tao na akala nila cute sila like may nagtanong sa daughter ko before na supplier kung may boyfriend na daw ba siya at kung sino ang crush niya. narinig pa ng husband ko yun kaya ang init ng ulo niya sa taong un.

she loves watching Disney Princesses na din so nandoon na din yung mga true loves kiss, prince charming, getting married, first kiss and the likes. so need tlaga to supervise everything our kids watch.

and i agree. yun ang dapat nilang matutunan. how to protect themselves. as much as we want to protect and defend them hindi sa lahat ng oras e nandoon tayo sa tabi nila. like yung mga klaseng tao na nabanggit ng mga sis natin dito na mga walang pakialam. nagkalat sila.

[Irtwisted]

I have a son and reproductive health talks are often but I wait for teachable moments before I bring it up. For example, early on I teach my son about his body, its functions. Then eventually when he was around 3ish I told him about private parts and that nobody else can touch it besides him, so he has to know how to clean himself. Kasama na din dyan ang protection ng kid sa potential sexual harassment if you teach them na walang pwede mag touch sa private part at may karapatan silang sumigaw ng malakas pag if another person touches him in the privates.

About masturbation, kids like playing with their sex organs. I don't tel him it's wrong but instead tell him to do it in private in his room, not in full view of other people. I also tell my son not to be ashamed of his body and being intimate with someone, lalo na pag nakikita sya sa tv na nagki-kiss.

IMO, openness and honesty is still the best education for sex with kids. Be honest and don't scare them needlessly of sinning against god if you masturbate, or that sex is bad, etc.

[saberjade]

I'm not a parent, but I do have a younger brother. I remember when he was about 5 years old (I was 7), he discovered what an erection was. Parang na-excite siya na pinakita niya sa'kin na tumatayo yung "privates" niya. (Tinging naman ako!) Our mom was in the room with us, and he was shouting about it. Parang, "LOOK MOM! MY THING IS STANDING!" So, our mom had to tell us about a bit about private parts then. I got the sex talk in school during grade 6 when they separated boys from girls and talked about puberty.

As we grew up (he was our only brother), our parents taught us girls to be more conservative. So now that my brother is in his 20's, he also prefers conservative women. Sinasabihan nga ako kung masyadong short and shorts ko. Haha.

To raise your kids to be decent adults, you have to be a role model. As a mom, show your son how women are supposed to be treated. It would also be good if he has a male role model - uncle, lolo, etc.

Remember: Kids learn more from what they see rather than what they are told. So kahit sabihan mo ng sabihan na bawal ang magiging bastos, kung ang role model niya ay bastos, susunod siya doon. But if his role model is a decent man, he will seek good company.

One thing na napansin ko: Huwag langing maki-uso. Even you, as a mom, show him na okay lang kung hindi laging gumaya sa uso. If he is confident enough to say no to superficial trends, he will be confident enough to avoid peer pressure.

Listen to his needs and feelings and never judge!!! That might cause him to rebel.

I hope this helps.

[BDJ]

^I agree dapat maging role model at yan kasi ang problema sa karamihan lalo na parents noon pa they don't even know how to handle and realize the problem came from them. Habang bastos sila they are expecting too much sa anak nila na magiging decent who value respect. Action speaks louder than words, yan ang nature eh! Or huwag gagawin sa iba kung ayaw gawin sayo.

Natural lang na mangarap ang lahat ng magulang na maging maayos at matino ang anak pero magiging problema ito kapag nabuhay sa bastusan na environment ang anak. Bibihira lang naman yung tao na hindi niya ma-aadapt yung masasamang impluwensiya sa paligid niya. Naniniwala talaga ako na teaching is not enough but the influence is more stronger.

Good thing just like me hindi ako nakikisunod sa uso in fact dahil nga verbally harassed ako ng father ko I don't even wear sexy clothes like yung makikitaan ka ng kahit kapiranggot na cleavage kasi nga feeling ko someone will embarrass me all the time. Yan na ang mentality ko. Ni dress nga ayokong magsuot eh!

[polar_bear]

I actually gave a sex education (i rather call it that way than sex talk) with my then 10 year old daughter.  She was now 12 years old.  At that time, they were discussing different body system in their science subject.  When they reached the reproductive system, I took the opportunity to discuss it with her.  It was like a teacher and a student setup.. para walang malisya.  But somehow, medyo awkward for me, maybe because her questions are so personal like.. "so pano binibigay ni daddy yung sperm nya syo?" and "so ginagawa nyo ni daddy yan".. the likes. 

Now that she is undergoing body changes, pasundot sundot yung pagbibigay ko ng education sa kanya..What to expect and what to do..  Then I told her how to protect her private parts in crowded place.. Stuff like that..

My problem today is yung FB.. coz she has an FB account, and nowadays, people are being insensitive on posting adult stuff in FB..di nila naiisip na marami na ring bata ang may FB account..  daming scandal.. worry ko is what if makita ng anak ko mga yun.. 

Aside from FB is mga music videos.. nagkalat din.. it is really hard to monitor.. that's why dapat constant ang pagreremind and pageeducate sa mga bata. 

[aquacharly]

Sex education is really required these days.   Sex is all over media. 

My kids are still very young, but well - kids are precocious and curious nowadays. So I answer their sex-related questions straight-to-the-point. 
We also have nude art in some private parts of the house. It's art, by major artists, that's that. So, in a way --  the kids aren't that fascinated or bug-eyed when they see say someone breast-feeding.   
They also see us in different stages of undress in our  dressing room/bathroom.  We don't make them feel seeing us that way is prohibited/malicious.  They should grow up comfortable with the different sexes.
But we do stress that private parts are private parts, and to not expect to see others' privates.

Like BDJ, my focus is  on making them aware  of sexual harassment. 
One thing:  I get them to be aware that even if it's a close relative, bad touching is bad touching.  (Studies after all have proven that it is the people that are trusted that commit most child molestation deeds.)

By 7 or 8,  there are questions about intercourse.  Explain it dispassionately --  facts are facts. 

When they are young, kids look at the parents as very credible know-it-alls.  Take advantage of that  to give them foundation knowledge about sex, family relations, human nature and the values you want to inculcate in them.  They are curious, like sponges and will imbibe what you say as gospel truth.  Take advantage of that.  Surely, a  parent will find ways to impart knowledge in a package digestible to the young kid.  Just be patient enough to explain and answer all the many questions. 

[Purple_Power]

Dumating na yung pinaka kinatatakutan ko now that I have a kid.  Sinabihan ba naman ng Papa ko yung baby ko, take note it is just a BABY na huwag kang MAKIPAGLANDIAN sa akin. I was shocked na pati baby ko hindi pa rin niya pinatawad sa mga kalaswaan na terms niya.  I told my mom about this and being alarmed even my hubby. Hindi ko siya kinausap kasi siya pa itong may ganang magalit kung saan hahantong ang usapan na ito. But again sobra akong naaalarma dahil sobrang stressful sa akin yung verbal ng Papa ko nung bata ako and now he is doing it to my kid.