I have no daughter in law, yet -- matagal tagal pa. lolz So I asked my lola and mom and MIL who are all hanging around, waiting for our ga barangay extended families to all arrive for our 1030Mass and NY celebration later.
My lola says she always tried to have an open mind kahit ano ang self presentation ng DIL (que aggressive, que baduy, que lukaret, basta) She says she would ignore or not go into confrontation when times got tricky, coz nothing productive comes out of "closing doors". She says she tried not meddle in their decisions, coz she assumes only adults marry --- and adults must have maturity and will suffer the consequences of their wrong diskarte or garner the rewards thereof. But when asked for advice, she would give it... and take no offense if it is not followed.
She says she loves all her DILs, even if she does not like some of them. Bow.
As for my mom.. susko! (No, that darling lola is the mom of my dad, not my mom's)
The DILs -- she expects them all to follow her. Kasi she knows better, because she is the parent; and believes her education, experience and bank balances are superior. Susko. Kaya pala 2 marriages of my brothers ended disastrously, inspite of every comfort and the magnitude of funds she threw at those marriages.
(My sisters in law confide in me that our mom is .... a very demanding, very critical, very masungit...uhm, monster? Susko. I agree, agree, agree..... Actually, she is the reason my ex-SILs cite as the factor that broke their marriages)
What kind of MIL do I plan to be?
Like my lola, hands-off.
I will not force on them my views, my preferences, my funds (hehe, kaya ko! kaya ko! gastosin lahat! lol) , my expectations, my unfulfilled dreams, my Birkins, my friends, my vices.
I think the best guide to being a reasonable, puedeng mahalin MIL is to accept the DIL as one's own child, warts & joys & all.
My MIL & I get along fine, like pirates. We are both strong-willed. But she recognizes that I am consistent in advancing my family's best interests, que whatever. So, there... she values me as a total-performing partner to her beloved son. Bow.
