going out with someone "taken"

[illumina]

So here's the gist, I am dating a guy who is 2 years older than me. He has a live-in partner (i don't know for how long), she's 7 years older than him.  Their 10 year relationship was blessed with a 3 year old kid. Did I mention I have a boyfriend? yes, and we've been together for 5 years.

What started as some sort of "companionship" (this was the term he used when i asked him why he picks me up from work during weekdays) turned out to be so messy. 7 months ko na siyang kilala but we've been actively going out for 5 months. He often says he loves me and I somehow feel the sincerity of the words. He would tell me how much he wishes that he knew me first, and as much as I wanted to believe him, the situation and circumstances tell me otherwise.

Umuuwi lang siya dun sa gf nya ng weekends, and yes no brainer, he's with me during weekdays. I often get weekday offs kasi and we would go to a lot of beautiful places. I learned a lot of new things from him like manual driving. Our first date was at Sonya's in Tagaytay, then nag firing sa shooting range, fishing and diving sa open sea, go-karting, boxing, food trips and road trips hanggang naka-abot na kami ng Ilocos at kung saan pa. So these things make me look forward to what would happen next. It was nothing serious for me back then kasi mahal ko naman talaga yung boyfriend ko. I would even ask my friends to go with us kasi hindi pa nga ako comfortable sa company ni boylet. Nagkataon lang na his presence was very convenient for me, medyo malayo kasi bahay ko from work and he would take me to and from work. My colleagues would even joke about it - binabakuran daw ako.  Eventually, naiinis na ako kapag umuuwi siya sa gf niya, napansin ko namimiss ko na din siya when I am not with him. I HATE it.

We developed feelings over time. I am really happy with him. We laugh, eat and make love like there's no tomorrow. Pero ayaw ko maging homewrecker, kahit hindi sila kasal, parang ganun na din eh. He provides for the girl kasi wala naman trabaho yung babae, and of course, yung paternal responsibilities niya. It also kills me when I think about my boyfriend. I can see the pain I cause him. Ang sakit sakit makasakit.

Naisip ko lahat naman masaya sa umpisa, could this be it? God knows how many times I tried to run away from this relationship, but I keep ending up in his arms. I keep trying. I don't want to be the other woman. Inis na inis pa naman ako sa mga kabit kasi yung dad ko may mistress and then I am here in this situation. What a joke.

Please help me bros and sisses... I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so pathetic.

 

[babyjapnurse01]

Im just curious, you have a boyfriend, you take weekday offs to spend time with the other guy, tapos he picks you up sa bahay and hinahatid ka pauwi from work?

Nasaan sa eksena si boyfriend? Parang ang hirap na itago nung frequency ng aktibidades nyo ni guy2 sa boyfriend mo kung hindi naman kayo LDR ni BF? Or baka LDR kayo and di mo lang namention?

And do your officemates know na may boyfriend ka? Based on their reaction na binabakuran ka daw ni guy2, parang wala silang idea na may boyfriend ka talaga.

Pano mo rin siya tinatakasan? it seems like ilang beses ka na kamo nag-attempt, parang medyo contradicting kasi you said 7mos mo syang kilala and youve been actively going out for 5months na, so asan rin sa eksena yung pag-layo mo from him? E hatid sundo ka rin nga even yung mga araw na off ka from work siya din kasama mo.

Sorry sis ha, medyo madami kasing kontrang points, if you could clarify your story, that would be better.

[aquacharly]

Oh, you know what to do.  You have to make A Decision.  What is bogging you down now is -- you haven't mustered enough Will Power to choose/decide. 

You waffle between throwing all to the wind, and everybody  be d@mned.   
Or, will you listen to that niggling little voice you hear in your head at day's end?  Which, among other queries -- asks you if you will be content sharing this man with his past.  You sound like he is  not going to let go of his  weekend ties.

Sure it has been Lots Of Fun.  But you see, you gotta be smart enough to know  when it is  time to move away before you get caught in a no-fun Tug-of-Commitment.  According  to friends who went through such -- it  is like getting stuck in a sand trap  -- you wanna escape, but the more you struggle - the more you get sucked in. 

Only you know how  much of him you can live with & settle for.  IMO, sorry if it ain't so -- it is not that you can't stomach breaking up his family nor being a kabit --  but you may not be able to be happy sooner  than later if he continues to maintain 2 lives. 

Good luck with your decision-making.  And yes, I agree with you there -- being indecisive is pathetic.

[illumina]

Like a slap in the face, haha! just what I needed. :-) Thank you!

[felicityinlove]

I would bet na "it's complicated" ang FB status mo sis. You're playing with fire and alam mo na ang mangyayari, I suppose. Maybe, you are thrilled with the complexity of it all. And maybe, just maybe, you don't love your boyfriend enough for you to be atleast faithful to him.   

Kahit marami kang iba't-ibang advise n mababasa dito sa GT, ikaw at ikaw lang makakapag-decide kung anog gagawin mo sis. So goodluck sa yo. Take time to ponder and weigh the pros and cons.  May you arrive at a decision that you won't ever regret.

[appleberrycream]

At the end of the day, yung boylet mo uuwi pa rin sa original gf nya at sa anak nya, and pag nalaman ng bf mo yan malamang-lamang iwanan ka rin. Tama yung isang sis natin dito, lose-lose situation mangyayari sayo. Ikaw pa naman ang babae. Do not always follow your heart, mag-isip ka ng malalim kung ano bang dapat mong gawin.

[buchi]

I wish makapag isip ka ng tama.
Kawawa naman yung boyfriend mo plus [textspeak!] GF at anak ng other guy mo.
The thing is, you allowed yourself to be in such a relationship and alam mo na marami kang masasaktan.
Kung ikaw ang niloloko ng boyfriend mo... at gawin niya yang ginagawa mo sa kanya i am sure sobrang masasaktan ka rin. yun nalang isipin mo at umalis ka na sa ganyang sitwasyon.