Jobless BF :[

[anirtak127]

@anirtak127,

1. I'm curious, why do some girls do what my ex did na, alam na niyang may pag aalinlangan na siya from the start and perhaps have thought that it might not work out but they still go for it? Kasi ang alam kong decent way ay, pagisipan ng mabuti during the courting stage at wag nang ituloy kapag hindi kayang tanggapin?

2. What do you mean sobrang seryoso? I don't get it, kapag hindi seryoso ang guy nagagalit ang girl, pag seryoso ang guy napepressure ang girl? What I only told her nung nagtapat ako sa kanya ay gusto ko kako ng long term relationship and i'll prove to her kako na seryoso ako despite the age gap. I hope rin kako that she's the one sana. Then after 2 to 3 weeks, nag open up siya sa akin na baka ayain ko daw siyang magpakasal once na maging kami (kasi binibiro daw siya lagi ng dad niya and some friends na baka ayain ko na siya agad) so I assured her na hindi naman ako ganon dahil gusto ko kako inurture yung relationship at patibayin muna at kapag hindi pa siya ready then I won't ever rush her into it. Sabi pa nga ni girl sa akin before that nakwento niya daw sa dad niya that I'm not going to rush her to get married at nagulat daw and said, "ano hindi ka papakasalan ni...?!" pero nag explain naman daw siya that I'm not going to rush her kasi yun yung concern niya. Napagusapan lang naman yung pag aabroad dahil nag brought up siya na may balak siyang mag abroad, so i told her walang problema yun dahil pwede naman ako kako sumunod sa kanya. I told her we can actually go and work there in the future since i finished my studies abroad and have also worked there before and I can go back anytime I want to. Napagusapan lang yan minsan but we don't talked about that kapag nagkikita kami. Madalas lang namin pagawayan ay kung umaatake yung "hesitations" niya at binabaliwala niya ako. Aside from that nagkakasundo kami despite the gap. So please elaborate about what you mean by sobrang seryoso because I think I might learn something from it.

Hi, romantico.

Wala akong masasagot sa first question mo kasi hindi naman ako ganun. Pag sa start pa lang iba na ang pakiramdam ko, hindi na ako nagbibigay ng chance. Unfair kasi sa guy na pinapaasa. Trying to put myself in your ex gf's shoes, naiisip ko lang, baka iniisip nya matututunan ka nyang mahalin over time, so she gave the relationship a chance. Yun nga lang wala siguro talaga. It happens din naman kasi. Be thankful na lang din na maaga to nangyari kesa naman sa heavily invested ka na emotionally sa kanya tapos saka sya makikipaghiwalay sayo.

Ang theory ko regarding sa pagiging seryoso, naisip ko lang baka kasi natakot din si girl when you laid your future plans before her. Sure sinabi mo sa kanya na di mo naman sya agad yayayain pero nandun pa din ang possibility na magbago ang isip mo at magyaya ka agad ng kasal. Hindi ko din alam. Before nung wala pa kaming 1 year ni bf, he would usually give hints about what our lives would be pag mag-asawa na kami, may sarili nang pamilya. Naisip ko, wow mukhang seryoso na sya sakin. In my case, hindi naman ako kinabahan or nabahala kasi ready na ako at nasa edad na ako. Kumbaga, naenjoy ko na yung single days ko. Baka naman madami pa gusto ma-experience si girl kaya ayaw nya muna mag-commit. Sa tingin ko, hindi pa ganun ka-seryoso si girl makipag relasyon kasi just like in any relationships, napaguusapan ang future pero sa case nya, parang hindi pa nya ineentertain yun kasi nag-worry sya na mag aayaya ka agad.

I agree with lisse, wag na tayo mag overanalyze. Wag ka na din magpaka-stress dyan. Tanggapin mo na lang ang naging desisyon nya. Mahirap naman na ipilit mo sa kanya ang sarili mo kasi unfair din sayo kung hindi ka naman din nya tatanggapin ng buong buo or may hesitations pa din. If you have plans of seeking work out of the country, do it. I think mas magiging maganda yun para sayo para makalimutan sya. Fresh start, ika nga. For sure naman may makikilala ka pa na mas deserving ng love and effort mo kesa kay girl. Life begins at 40 dba? You're almost there, so enjoy life na lang.

[romantico]

@nathanielle,

Thanks for you insight. I think you got me wrong. I'm never married or a philandering husband nor separated man in the hunt for younger woman because they are "yummy and fresh". I'm just as single as any guy her age or older. For the record, this is not about sex, fetish or what-not and will never be because, like I said, it's just my preference and if that preference will be a hindrance for me or will be a hit or miss for me to find a young partner then so be it. But, if I find someone attractive who is closer to my age then why not diba. Syempre in every opportunity, I'd still follow my preference.

Also, if I wanted a younger woman just for sex and fetish or yung "ibabahay" lang then I wouldn't bother with someone who's educated and has a career and just find someone who's not which will be easier for me. Plus I woudln't be hurting like hell kapag sex lang and fetish ang paguusapan. So to answer your question, it doesn't matter kung ano maging itsura as time goes by. She could become fat and what-not or she could get sick and look awful but I'll still stand by her side no matter what. Her looks won't ever matter anymore basta wag lang siya magloloko or maging unfaithful. I always love deep kapag seryoso ako hence I really hate it when it don't work out kasi weakness ko ang love problem.

Plus, I never expected her to be 23. I thought she's already 25 or 26 (still young but maybe more matured) kasi she don't look young. Kaya nga mga friends ko nagulat sa mga sinasabi ni girl like "ano kaya iisipin ng waiter kapag nakita kami at napansin yung age gap" kasi, according to them, she doens't look young and I don't look old daw pero the gap is huge daw. Sa totoo lang, almost all people on her side and people on my side who saw us personally or in a picture always said magkamukha kami. But I guess not all kamukha end up together...masarap lang pakinggan.

By the way, what I meant in going abroad was for me to work at makapag ipon pa ng mas madali para kung umuwi ako at sakaling may magkagusto sa akin na younger woman na educated and may career ay age ko nalang poproblemahin niya kasi makikita niya na may stable job ako sa ibang bansa na mas malaki sahod compare to working here at kapag matured enough siya na tanggapin ako then pakasalan ko and petition her there. Same plan as well kapag bumalik si girl.

@lisse,

I understand about money matters already and acknowledges it. Kaya nga I'm looking for work right now at nakapag interview na. I'll give it a year kung ano mangyayari, pag wala pa rin then I'll go back na. Kaya ako napapa-over analyze ay dahil umaasa pa ako whether consciously or not. Pilit pa rin minsan alamin yung cause kasi baka pwede pang baguhin or magawan pa ng paraan. Like, who knows natakot lang siya kung bakit wala akong work pero kung nakita niyang meron na agad ako ngayon ay baka may magbago. kung wala then it must be the age gap nga or she thought my family has a big family business and if so, wala na akong magagawa. Madali lang kasi mag sabi ng age e, ng kala niya kaya sasabihin ng tao pero di pala pero I still feel something is amiss but I hope I'm wrong. Thanks.

@cecilydee,

I'll try pero mahirap e. Sabi nila it takes time daw pero we'll see. I know it would be much harder and longer pero di ko na sabihin why kasi hirap rin ako minsan to convey what's really on my mind. Thanks.

@anirtak127,

Ideally kasi kapag hindi kaya panindigan ay wag na dapat ituloy. Ang alam ko mas magaling ang girls sa ganon than guys kasi mas matured sila pero hindi ko alam bakit pa niya tinuloy. Actually, after our 5th date during courtship ay nagtapat na ako sa kanya and after that may post sa fb wall niya na may pinoproblema siya at pag aalinlangan about something and I believe about me yun and imbes na every week kaming lumalabas ay nagiging every other week na. So sana, she stopped it na nun. While I believe that every single person like to give something a "try" to see if it will work out pero there are things naman na pwede na natin malaman kung talagang kakayanin or makakasakit lang tayo ng tao. Thanks.

[cecilydee]

Romantico,

Ano ba ang meron siya at di mo siya maiwan iwan..ganon ba siya kaganda? Ano yung one thing na nattract sayo? I would like to know the reason why you are such in love with this girl to think na (sorry to say) napaka superficial ng relationship niyo..it revolved about your age, job..and i dont think she really opened herself to you based from what I have read.

[lovemeagain30]

yung case ni Mr. Romantico parang kayang sagutin ni Ramon Bautista..


Simple lang.

Ayaw na niya sayo.


Wag ka ng magpaka OA mag analyze ng iba pa. 

[romantico]

Romantico,

Ano ba ang meron siya at di mo siya maiwan iwan..ganon ba siya kaganda? Ano yung one thing na nattract sayo? I would like to know the reason why you are such in love with this girl to think na (sorry to say) napaka superficial ng relationship niyo..it revolved about your age, job..and i dont think she really opened herself to you based from what I have read.

I simply love her. Hindi naman sa ganda. Actually, a female friend just told me my exes were way prettier than this girl and she even bluntly told me hindi naman kagandahan ito, even her BF shared the same sentiments. Pero since naattract ako sa kanya at love ko siya kaya for me maganda siya. Mahirap rin iexplain kung bakit because I think there simply isn't an answer to that. Ang hirap naman kasi sabihin na, love ko siya kasi gwapo o maganda, mayaman, sexy, magaling sa kama, and etc because those are qualities na bonus na lamang coz what if kung hindi na magaling sa kama, o mayaman or what not, e di hindi na natin mamahalin? So for me I simply love her. Bonus na yung masaya kami kapag magkasama kami at nagkakasundo despite sa age gap pero kapag di kami magkasama ay parang wala lang minsan.

Nanghihinayang ako kasi pwede sana maging ok e kung pinaglaban lang niya at tsaka siguro dahil umasa rin ako na siya na talaga. Even friends and family were hoping she's the one so what more on my part. Hindi ko rin fully maexplain kung bakit napapaasa pa rin ako kasi minsan I know it in my mind pero kapag itatype ko na dito ay it doesn't sound right or not exactly as it should.

I'm aware of every people's sentiment here which is to move on at ganyan rin sentiments ng mga tao sa side ko pero mahirap. Pwede ko naman sabihin, sige bukas mag move on ako kasi ginago lang ako pero at the end of the day maiisip at maiisip ko pa rin kasi minahal ko siya at mahal ko siya. Kaya siguro dito na papasok yung sinasabing it takes time and I hope in due time.

[sugardrop]

^
I don't think you want to move on. Because if you want to, you will find ways to do so. It's a choice you make and if you have the will to do so, you will make it happen. You're just so stuck on your what could've been a nice relationship when it's clearly so over and history.

Do yourself a favor - pick up the pieces of your life, put your sh*t together, and move forward with your life. Why can't you work on yourself to become a better man who is deserving of someone who will equally love you back in the future? GET. OVER. IT.

[kawen]

Sis, I dont think the nagging will help much that's not supporting hehe, that's just my opinion ha. And dont be scared that no guy will love you just because you have child na, that's not true. You're 28? that's not old

Good that you're giving him time to be better and get a job but dont wait for too long, you might regret it coz you really cant change a man. He is under the saya coz he has no work, wala cyang backbone and not in the position to be the dominant one. But if you really love each other, who am I to judge? good luck sis!

Hi sis... Grabeeee its been a year.. Last year ngka-work sya but he only lasted almost a month, ngka-2 jobs, July-Sept.. Then jobless entirely until now... Hay naku, why am I still holding on.. Nakakainis na, ayaw ko na... Iwan na yang jobless bf, ito pa nakakainis jobless na nga, ako na gumagastos ng lahat, tpos wala pang time sakin sa weekends... Napaka-unfair!

[simang]

^so sis, why are you still holding on?

[kawen]

<br hehe sis, parang napalunok ako sa tanong mo.. Oo nga noh.. bakit nga ba hindi ko siya maiwan?

Sis............

I feel secured with him.. his love and loyalty to me (I am his first and only gf, even if we broke up 8 years ago and got back recently).. Maalaga siya, maasikaso, pwde ng House Husband.. pero syempre gusto ko naman na he's more successful than me.. and may katulong ako sa gastos. Hindi sa mukhang pera, pero syempre importante 'yun. Hay naku, mas dominant ako sa kanya.. but I love that he's submissive aka Under d Saya..

I am a single mom, I am scared with a new love kase alam kong walang magseseryoso sa babaeng may anak na (sorry that's just what I think), swerte kung meron maybe I will take a chance, pero wala eh. Napamahal na rin anak ko sa kanya and they both get along well.

I am running out of time, 28 na kame.. so I nag him everyday and make him understand that. Well, on his psycho problem, parang na-handle niya naman he already seek help.. I hope he gets better.

I am giving him time.. he has a motivation to work naman pero nga kase he wants to really be ready since he is under medication, support ko muna siya and nag him hahaha...

Hay malaking katangahan.. Security sguro sa love.. Ewan ko ba ano gagawin.. Maybe hindi ko siya maiwan kase pag may nahanap siyang iba or may mahalin na iba baka e regret ko na I let him go.. Hay gulo... Kc wala pa siyang nging gf na iba eversince...

[lovemeagain30]

^ I remember you Sis Kawen! we were exchanging posts before sa thread regarding 'if single mother can still find true love', I think it was years ago pa. mga 4years ago hehe.  I was one of the single parent then.

though you're not asking, i'm married now by the way. last year lang and buntis nako to my second.  it's been a journey. the man I was mentioning to you before in my post was the same man that I married.

I saw your post now,, hmmm, what can I say?? I don't remember if you ever mentioned him before to any of our previous posts sa thread na binaggit ko.

based sa mga description mo about him, he falls into one of the category of men that can't keep their job. for me lang ah, its an attitude problem. its almost close to category ng mga taong 'tamad' at 'walang pangarap'. sila yung mabilis mag give up kapag nahirapan na and doesn't have a goal or drive to continue. basta ba na feel na 'di na nila nafeel' ang work nila given that they are still on adjusting stage eh aayaw na! sometimes in a year nakaka dalawa at tatlo sila ng work. most of the employers, don't hire them or if they do, they are not being taken seriously because of their employment record.

by the way, they carry that same crappy attitude not just in finding in work but also on how they handles their life and relationships with other people.
 
why do you keep this kind of person in your life? you are a single mother I get it (like me before) but it doesn't mean that you have to settle with this kind of people who have crappy attitude. to be honest nung nagka anak ako before saka pako naging choosy sa lalake.  I did it for myself and also for my child. ayoko mag settle for someone just because I feel na 'pwede' na to. just because wala ng ibang magkakagusto sakin kasi nanay nako. if you think that way, you'll get people don't deserve in life. it's how you look at yourself is the same on how people will look at you. kung isa kang gamit na binebenta at feeling mo eh pang second hand kalang, ang bibili sayo eh kuripot at babaratin ka pa.

Build up your self esteem so you can find a good man and a good provider. Someone who can keep a job. Somebody who have the right attitude in life. When choosing, don't think about yourself lang (kasi mahal mo siya at under d saya mo siya), isipin mo din ang future niyo ng anak mo sakanya. kung walang future, give it up. it's not worthy it. under treatment pa kamo siya sa psycho problem niya?? urghh!   


 

[kawen]

^ Yeah sis I remember! Atlast we meet again.. congratulations sis for finding the one! Sooo happy for you.. I did mention him in the other thread I created about Single Moms.. Hay ewan ko ba, he is a good person, okay naman siya makisama sa tao.. baka hindi lang talaga sa kanya ang corporate world.. Ako naman lucky enough my life and career is okay.. malas lang siguro talaga ang love life.. you can't have it all.

Thank you sis.. alam ko naman e, hindi ko alam bakit 3 years nagho-hold-on pa din ako.. Ganyan na nga siya wala pang time for me.. Accept ko na nga na ganyan siya.

Thank you so much, I just needed to let it out.. okay naman ako, miserable lang pero wala na ako magagawa but to move on..

MY FB status, sorry for the OT-
''At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be...''

[lovemeagain30]

I like your FB posts. ganyan din ako nung lonely pa ang aking lovelife. 

Huwag kang matakot taasan standards mo now na single mother ka na. wag mo isipin hindi ka na bebenta pa sa market kumbaga. the more you set yourself higher than what you are now, makikita mo mag-iiba ang mga taong ma attract din sayo. same concept as losers attract losers din.
 
nung bf ko palang asawa ko, I remember a colleague who blantly told me in my face na "lam mo ang ADVANTAGE mo lang sa lahat ng niligawan niya dito sa opisina ay eh ikaw lang yung may anak!!". imbis na mainsulto ako, natawa pako sakanya ng malakas.  kasi nga kulang nalang sabihin niya sakin 'ang arte arte mo! ang dami mong demands!' LOL. kasi ayoko nag sasayang ng oras. if hindi mo kayang I-meet ang expectations ko sa relasyon natin,, habang may asim pako,, hanap ako ng iba. kapag ang ex bf ko ay nagpalibre sakin kahit minsan... babush na! aba kung simpleng MCDO humihirit ka sakin, pano naman ang anak ko makakahirit sayo?  

hope you find a good man sis. I hope you find it soon. 

[nixiquita]

MY FB status, sorry for the OT-
''At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be...''

im loving this so much

[lirpa]

Run for your life sis, ang tamad ng bf mo and ang arte sa trabaho. Kapag mag-asawa na kayo, mahihirapan ka kung ganyan pa rin sya. Ikaw ang magpapakain sa kanya. Harsh ako but I am speaking from experience. I saw the same red flags sa BF ko dati now my husband, 2 years na kaming kasal at palamunin ko pa rin sya pati pamilya nya. Hindi ko na kaya so humiwalay na ako.