dealing with depression after break up

[hurtandbetrayed]

i have a live in partner we've been together for almost 5 years. on the 1st year of being together i found out that she actually has a girlfriend but i let him decide and he choose me (to suffer).On the 2nd year of being together he told me he left his phone at her sister's apartment and he dont have time to get it. i was kinda curious so as early as 5 am i wake up and sneak at the back of his car and find out he actually have his phone and when i open it i read too many text message from a new girl. i had a huge fight he ask for forgiveness i forgive him.
i know i also have my short coming, im a nagger and i sometimes hurt him.on the 4th year of being together one of his coworker happen to be my friends boyfriend and shes been telling me that my boyfriend has a new gf. i dont mind it since i can see his effort in making things work between us.  he goes home on time he dont go out.. all his time revolve between the 2 of us. but the i was able to get ahold with the girls FB account and one of my friend told me that its true his having an affair with another girl. i keep cool i didnt react when i knew it. i even accepted him and he promised me that im the only one he love. but then as months and day goes by i am being paranoid even the slightest word he says make me upset and irritated.
We decided to move to a new place. i really dont know if its because of pressure or what but everyday we always fight with each other.
i cant sleep and i even thought theres a ghost in my pad but it was not a ghost im suffering from a depression. i have hallucination and hear things and it wont let me sleep. all the symptoms in having a clinical depression is on me. just a couple of hours ago we had a huge fight he told me im fat im so upset and started shouting and hitting me i throw all his clothes and told him go back to that *censored*!its a really big fight that we end up hurting and ruining our stuff. i went to the bathroom get a knife and cut my pulse i lock myself. im so hurt but i cant let him go. they say let him go your young but i cant let him go i find it impossible to find someone else. i dont like talking to my friends they dont know whats happening to me. all they know is i have to be single so we can have fun. i just dont know what to do.. i need help..

[babyjapnurse01]

Sorry to hear about whats going on between you and your partner sis. I dont want you to feel worse but I have to be brutally honest with this one ha,

     Things are worse between you two and its all because you allowed things to be that way. Its nonsense to cry over spilled milk but I want you to realize na kung sa simula pa lang you called his attention na and you emphasized that you just gave him another chance to mend things with you, things wouldnt have gone that far siguro.

IMHO, normal lang na maparanoid ka about whats going on sa partner mo eh, he has this history of cheating eh, ang mali lang talaga na nakikita ko is you nurtured his behavior, yes magkasama kayo, he comes home on time and all that pero those things are not enough to make you feel okay eh, at the end of the day, the thought of him having another girl will leave you paranoid and restless, alam mo yan sis.

First thing you have to do now is seek professional help, may mga nagagawa ka na kasing naglalagay narin sa sarili mo sa alanganin eh.

Learn to love yourself more, and learn how to slowly leave your partner behind, hindi na kasi healthy yung nangyayari sa inyo. Take a break, ipahinga mo sarili mo and isip mo and try to think things over kung ganyan ba ang gusto mong makatuluyan mo.

[Churvakels]

I agree with sis babyjapnurse01, please don't hurt yourself. Alam ko kung gaano kasakit ang break up. Wag ka magagalit ha pero normal lang yang story mo. Maraming tao ang mas may malalang experience sayo, when I say malala ibig sabihin mas nakakaloka. Pero they choose to live and be happy.

Kaya ka siguro ganyan kasi hindi mo na kinakaya yung depression, sis mag promise ka na hindi ka bibigay. Pag dasal mo na kayanin yung pinag dadaanan mo. At the same time mag reflect ka din, minsan kaya masakit kasi hindi mo maintindihan. Pag na intindihan mo na, hindi ka na masasaktan. Kayanin mo ha. Andito lang kami sis **Hug**

[baliwsayo]

Grabe.. sis, kamusta ka na? I'm just wondering why you're allowing yourself to suffer like this? Kamukha ba ng boyfie mo si Brad Pitt?