What would you do if your husband wants to have a child with another woman? In her story, GIRLTalker babykat shared how much her partner longed for a child, and how since she’s not capable of bearing one, her husband wanted to look for someone who could (read the whole story here). Here, we rounded up some of the best advice from our readers.
1. Ask for help.
"I do not agree. Seek some professional advice. I don't care if he's never strayed; this is unfair to you or any woman.
"If you stand by your vows as husband and wife, you will find a solution that's agreeable to both of you, not just to him, because you're too tied to your guilt of not having a baby. You did not wish to develop myoma, I certainly didn't mean to have it.
"The fact that he goes to clubs casually and thinks of conceiving with the type (think about the nature of her occupation,) is outmoded and repulsive. Having limited means is a lame excuse. Eventually, it will not be your baby, it will be theirs. Would you really want that? How is that fair to you?
"I may sound inconsiderate, but come on, stand your ground, my dear. [Just] because you can't bear children doesn't mean you're less of a partner in that so-called marriage you both promised to be in and work on."
2. Leave him for good.
"Your husband is a prick! If he is a sane and decent man, he won't even begin to think what he is suggesting now. You deserve someone who will treat you better. Ang pag-aasawa for better or for worse ibig sabihin everything na pagdaraanan niyo pagdaraanan niyo dapat together na magkatuwang. Darling, hindi ka na dapat humihingi ng advice ngayon. Kung ako sayo iwanan mo na yan. 'Te nag-init talaga ang ulo ko sa post mo.
"Una, hindi mo kasalanan na wala kang capacity na magkaanak. Reality yan, and if he will hold it against you, immaturity niya yan.
"Pangalawa, hindi lang terms niya ang dapat nating i-consider. Kahit na di mo sya mabigyan ng anak, hindi dahilan yun para mag-demand siya ng labag sa loob mo. Alalahanin mo, walang mag-ttake advantage sa atin kung di natin hahayaan.
"Pangatlo, yung parang sina-suggest niya na may sex involved, aba kung ako ang nakarinig niyan sa asawa ko diretso siya palabas ng bahay at buhay ko noon wala nang mahabang usapan.
"Pang-apat, ang mag-asawa wala dapat namamagitan kundi ang Diyos. Kapag pumasok yang babae sa buhay niyo what assurance do you have na hindi ikaw ang mawawala sa picture pagtagal? Tandaan mo, siya pa rin ang ina ng bata.
"Panglima, yung pagka-depress mo ikaw may kasalanan? Hindi mo kasalanan yun. Yung alam niya lang na ma-upset ka sa ganung arrangement hindi niya na i-suggest ang kalokohang yan.
"Ang mabuting asawa, kahit kelan yang mga kinwento mo, ni sumagi sa isip niya di magagawa yan. Parang awa mo na, i-save mo ang sarili mo at dignity mo at hiwalayan mo na yan. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!"
3. Stand your ground.
"My husband and I have been married for five years now. We’re not able to conceive since I have a problem with my ovaries. He asked me one time if it’s OK with me if he's going to have a baby with another woman. I told him, 'Did you marry me for a child or did you marry me because you loved me? Let’s change the situation, [If] it's the other way around, would you allow me to conceive another man's child?' He [couldn't] answer that. Your husband is trying to justify his selfish motives. Stand your ground. Not being able to conceive doesn't make you less of a woman or a wife."
4. Don’t give in.
"First of all, there are other means of having a baby that would truly come from the both of you (ever heard of surrogate mothers?) If you do love each other, the both of you will find other ways to have a child. But not his way of wanting to have one.
"Second, WTF? Is your husband just making excuses for him to be guilt- free? You not being able to conceive is his scapegoat for him to do such acts. He may be honest but he broke his vows.
"Third, him breaking his vows, you not wanting to give in (and you shouldn't) is enough of a reason for you to leave."
5. Pray about it.
"Storms come and shake the relationship. When you find yourself helpless and in darkness, only God can make things brighter. Pray for your husband, sabi mo nga parang hindi na siya papapigil. Pray for your own healing. You may be wounded, pero hindi mo yun kasalanan.
"Everything happens for reason. It may be painful; it may be unfair but if you offer everything to God, trust Him that He will take good care of everything. If things may happen not according to what you expect, just believe that God is in control. Pray for strength and wisdom for you and for your husband.
6. Always listen to your gut feeling.
"He's just using the situation you guys are in and blaming you for his own desires so you can let him do it because he knows you feel guilty for not conceiving. He's using not being able to conceive [as] an excuse to have sex with another woman. He's using it all against you to get what he wants.
"Don't be blinded by love and marriage, because clearly he doesn't know what both those two mean anymore. It's easy to say than to do, pero we all know and you know deep down this isn't right and you should seek marriage counseling or better leave him and fall in love with someone who will accept you for you, and will go through the trials and tribulations that this 'man' you call your 'husband' couldn't do.
"A woman's instinct is never wrong. A man should never make his wife feel as though she is less than enough."
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