I used to imagine our love story, that you'd be able to cross the boundaries of our friendship, that finally, after three years, you'd finally tell me that you didn't want to be just be my friend anymore, that it was time for us to go to the next level. Our best friends would be very happy for us. They would say, "Finally, you realized that you guys are meant to be."
Back then, I thought that it would be the start of our forever, but none of that happened. My feelings for you were not reciprocated. You didn't love me back.
The hell with the movies of Jolina and Marvin. "Oh, yes, kaibigan mo lang ako, kaibigan mo lang ako." In the movie, although Bujoy said her feelings first, they still ended up with each other. Just like in movie, I confessed my feelings for you first, but unlike in the movie, we didn't end up together. We didn't have our happy ending. We ended up not friends just like I wanted it to be.
I still remember that day. It seemed that I would burst if I didn't let you know how I felt, so I told you what I felt for you. You said you loved me just the same, BUT that you weren't ready to commit yet. Not yet ready. You said we'd talk again. But it didn't happen. You said you wanted us to remain friends. I disagreed. I didn’t want us to still be friends. I wanted us to have distance. Maybe in that way, I could easily forget you. You didn't like my idea. But I insisted. Actually I begged you to unfriend me.
I still remember the way we avoided each other in the office. I tried not to hang out with our friends when you were around just as you did. I still remember how many times I tried not to cry because our friendship was gone. And the only man that I love didn’t love me back. It was one hell of a year. Pretending to our friends that we were fine. Avoiding their questions. After a year, I finally made up my mind. I had to make a bold decision. I had to leave. It was not enough that I unfriend you, I needed not to see you, so I resigned.
Now, looking back, do I regret that I told you what I felt and lost a friend? The answer is definitely NO. I don’t regret anything. I stand by my decision that time, that it should be all or nothing. I had to know where I stood in your life. I don’t really regret that once upon a time, I let go of my pride and said what I really felt. I don’t regret that I unfriended you. I don't regret everything I said that night because all of it was true. I don’t regret turning down the possibility of romance with another guy because I saw a future in us, but all of it was just imagination on my part.
Now that you are married and have kids, I wish I could say that I’m happy for you. I don’t have any hard feelings. You said you were’t ready, I know you lied. You just didn't want to hurt me more by saying you weren't ready to love me back. I don’t want to wish to be your friend again. I don’t love you anymore. I’m not mad at you. Why would I? I have no reason.
Someday, we'll see each other again. When that time comes, I just want to hug you and say thank you because once in my life, I fought for my happiness.
P.S. Listening to Lifehouse made me remember you.
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*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors
SCREENCAP: My Best Friend's Wedding/Tristar Pictures (1997)