I want you to know that I am a mix of everything: crazy, soft, wild, a dreamer, strong, vulnerable, ill-tempered, classy, patient, sweet, and deep. But at the end of the day, I’m just me–a girl you found on Tinder.
I’m pretty much well off in life, not too much but not too less. Normal as I can simply define.
Time came that I wanted to escape from everything that was taking a hold on me, so I looked for something new–because someone’s trapped inside of me, a girl longing for the extraordinary.
I have just gotten out from an almost a decade of a relationship, it was my first love. I mourned, but eventually saw the brighter side of it. I gained support from family and friends, but most of it all, I have gained my own self.
I went out to see the world I was hiding from because I was too scared to get hurt. I hid from all of the things that I know will just scar me in the long run, not really knowing that I needed to get injured so that I’ll come out stronger later on.
I went to parties, met up with long-time friends, went on a vacation alone, and had afternoon dates with myself. I even met new, crazy, and hilarious people, and got to know them better. Aside from that, I also decided to download the dating app, Tinder.
I swiped left and right and got matches now and then. Although real gems were harder to find, I pushed through with having fun online. My intention was just to have fun, but some of the conversations led to naughty talks that left me sick of the dating game.
They seemed friendly at first, but then they would ignore me after a few exchange of messages. All the guys who I thought would make me smile after a long while would just turn their backs at me without a word. I felt rejected.
Maybe I was expecting something more than just having fun. Maybe I missed the feeling of being wooed sincerely. Maybe I imagined someone that will actually sweep me off my feet (like the way I always wanted to when I was a kid). But seriously on Tinder? I knew it was way impossible.
But then I saw you, swiped right, and found out we were a match! I was glad to know we found each other in the sea of prospects. It even got better whenwe spent one Monday with each other.
I know for a fact that you’ll disappear soon, so I told myself, “Relax, don’t get too excited, okay? Just enjoy whatever this is. He’s just here for a short period. He’ll leave you anyway”.
I did try to stay calm about my feelings towards you. This may sound farfetched, but with all the night outs we’ve had, the dinner dates, the crazy things we did, and the serious talks we’ve had, I finally met a man I sincerely liked.
I know everything happened so fast, but I really like the persona you showed me. And I can honestly say, it’s tearing me apart to think about that one Tuesday in May I will never forget.
I did cry in front of you few times now—and I still bawl each time I think of you. I got too attached easily, and I know it’s my fault.
I’m sorry.
Now I am floating. How can I unlike someone like you?
Please don’t freak out with the things I’m about to say.
Now, Charles Leslie Stoker, I’m not asking you to promise me that we’ll continue talking, but from the bottom of my heart, I'm wishing that we can talk again.
I don’t want to keep my expectations up and be sad whenever I can’t catch you online or whenever I don’t get any message from you.
I don’t want you to leave me hints saying you’ll come back, but all I want now is for you to stay and never ever leave–but again, I don’t want to expect and get hurt if you won’t stay.
I just want you to remember a girl named Jacq. I want you to remember her differently from all the other girls you went out with here in the Philippines. I hope I made myself different from them because I don’t want to be remembered as just another girl you met on Tinder. I am Jacqueline.
*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors
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