I have this situation, about my first love. We were exclusively dating for four years from high school to college. Our relationship lasted for almost three years until college graduation.

Unfortunately, we broke up in 2010 due to a third party on his side. I was hurt badly that I asked my parents to move somewhere far. I had two short relationships that lasted for six months in 2011 and 2012, but I still can’t move forward to another level with those relationships because all I think about is him. I even managed to send cupcakes on his birthday during those times. Nagkita rin kami once or twice until 2013 whenever I was in the Philippines.

All my prayers since we broke up were to be with him again–every day of my life I prayed to God na ibalik siya, but it didn’t happened until sinukuan ko yung dasal na yun. In April of 2013, I learned that he has a current girlfriend who was decent enough, and I felt during that time, that I should move on with my life.

So it happened, I lost communication with my first love, deleted him on Yahoo! Messenger, Facebook, and in every social media possible.


Our friends told me that live-in na nga daw kaya ako naman dahil masakit pa din sakin, I diverted my frustration and heartbreak sa work. I accomplished many things, I even built an empire to protect my heart from being hurt again. I went back to Manila in July 2014, and I was so sure of myself that time na wala na–wala na akong pakialam sa kanya, napatawad ko na at hindi na ako umaasa pang babalik siya.


That vacation went by smoothly, I never saw him that time though madami na akong naririnig sa mga friends namin about his situation pero dinededma ko lang.
Sabi ko sa sarili ko wala akong naririnig, wala akong pakialam.

When March 2015 came, I unexpectedly met him after two years because of our friends. We talked, said sorry for everything, kwinento niya yung situation niya with the live-in partner, and his intention na bumalik sa akin. Nasa kanya pa lahat ng singsing, kwintas, at yung scrapbook na ginawa ko nung first anniversary namin. He swears to God na pinagsisisihan niya yung ginawa niya.

I was so confused at that moment, I never saw this coming but everything fell into place. I felt excited for us and I lost my focus. My great wall was shaken. I felt selfish so during my entire vacation I was with him knowing na at the end of the day may uuwian siya. He even managed to sneak out at hindi siya nahahalata na nakikipagkita sakin. Nakapunta pa siya sa airport nung paalis na ako.

Bumaliktad na yung mundo, kabit ako ngayon, and I’m hurting someone else. Mapatawad sana ako nung girl someday.
We made plans already na susunod siya sa akin. Everyone we know is so supportive na magkabalikan kami. I don’t know if God is testing me or this if this is a second chance. Pero I'm having doubts kung tama ba to, kung magtitiwala na ba ako ulit, kung dapat ko bang pairalin nanaman 'tong puso na to.

And one more thing, I don’t know why he can’t break up with the live-in partner right now when he even swore na hindi na siya masaya. Now, I don’t know which way to go, kung ipagpapatuloy ko ba to or itigil ko na.

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What do you think FNites?

*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors.


As posted on GIRLTalk

PHOTO: StockSnap/Nathan Walker; GIFs: Giphy

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