Neri Naig Miranda is an actress, entrepreneur, and it seems she can be a relationship guru as well! Since sharing her thoughts on the "perfect revenge" for a cheating partner or husband, she has been getting more questions about love and marriage. And this time it's about how to trust again after a betrayal like cheating, and she has wise words to offer.
Neri admits it's never easy. "Madaling magsalita at magbigay ng payo pero napakahirap gawin lalo na kapag ikaw na mismo ang nasa sitwasyon," she writes on Instagram. "Niloko ka, nagsinungaling sa 'yo, nag-sorry, ok na ulit, naulit ang panloloko, nagsinungaling ulit, nag-sorry ulit, ok na kayo ulit. Paulit ulit na lang. Hindi ba nakakapagod? Tina-type ko pa nga lang ay nakakapagod na kapag ganyan lagi ang cycle."
In a new entry on her blog, Neri clarifies that her husband's cheating, which happened when they were not married yet, was "pagpapa-cute lang sa mga girls."
"Hindi naman umaabot sa punto na may mangyayare sa kanila nung mga kalandian niya," she continues. "Takot naman siyang magkaron ng sakit. At kung siguro kung ganun level ang kalandian niya, malamang matagal na kaming wala. Gayun pa man, kahit landian texts at calls lang, cheating pa rin 'yun."
But Neri says she did end up forgiving husband Chito Miranda of his "kalandian" repeatedly. The key is when you do decide to forgive, do it wholeheartedly.
So how did Neri managed to forgive and trust Chito enough to marry him?
Condemn the act, not the person.
One thing that helped Neri to forgive is realizing that just because Chito did a bad deed doesn't mean he's an evil person. "Nagagalit lang ako sa mga nagawa ni Chito sa akin pero hindi kay Chito as a person. Mabait kase si Chito pero siyempre may mga sablay din siya, ayun ang mga ikinasasama ng loob ko pero hindi kay Chito mismo," she explained.
Don't bring up past mistakes.
"Walang sumbatan!" is how Neri puts it. "Lagi ko kasing sinasabi sa sarili ko at kay Chito na kapag nagpatawad ka dapat buong buo. Katulad din niyan kapag humingi ka ng tawad, dapat sincere at di mo na dapat i-defend yung wrong actions mo."
Have faith.
Neri recalled that she gave Chito the freedom to do everything he wanted to back then. She didn't annoy him with text messages when he was out with his friends. She didn't entertain malicious thoughts, but she was also confident that she would know if there was something amiss.
"Sa pagbibigay ko ng freedom sa kanya, sinasabi niya lahat lahat sa akin, mas nakakapanatag sa part ko yun. I trust him, and I respect him. Kaya ganun din siya sa akin," she said.
Forgive yourself.
What would you forgive yourself for, you might ask? "Hindi ako perfect, malayong malayo. Alam ko ang mga kakayahan ko at mga kahinaan ko. Pero dapat hindi ko sinisisi ang sarili ko kapag may ginawang masama ang ibang tao sa akin," she wrote.
Love yourself.
"Kapag alam mo na ang self-worth mo at ipaglalaban mo ‘to. Susunod ang partner mo. Rerespetuhin ka pa niya lalo kase alam mo ang gusto mo," she assured.
Neri is a big believer in giving a relationship many chances to start anew. "Give him another chance. Second, third, fourth, fifth chance. Kung hanggang kailan mo pa kaya...Kung lokohin ka ulit at mag-decide ka na ayaw mo na, at least nag-try ka.
"Hindi ko na inisip kung masasaktan ba ako ulit, ang iniisip ko ng mga panahon na yun, mahal na mahal ko siya at naniniwala ako na mahal na mahal niya rin ako. Nagtiwala ako sa sarili ko at nagtiwala ako sa kanya," Neri said. "Mahabang proseso nga lang at hindi ganun kadali pero worth it. May Miggy na kami at masasabi ko na masaya kami sa buhay ngayon. Tahimik at kuntento."
This story originally appeared on Smartparenting.com.ph.
* Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors.
