No matter what other people say about intimacy between couples, I know it’s essential if you want to make things work, but what if your boyfriend suddenly lost that kind of “need”?

We’ve been together for almost two years now, and over the course of those two years, we’ve only "done it" a few times. Honestly, that was okay with me, since it isn’t really a priority for me; but lately, he would always say no. At first, it wasn’t a big deal - maybe he was just not in the mood, I thought, but I felt bad about it and the height of my insecurity was nearing its peak.


I talked to him and he opened up about a lot of things. First, that he wasn’t physically comfortable doing it due to his insecurities and second, it was just something he never thought would be important in a relationship.

I was dumbfounded, but moreover, I was hurt.

I felt that I was problem; that I was not attractive enough to spark his interest sexually. I told him I was okay, but deep inside, I was not.

There were a lot of sleepless nights; I couldn’t help but think of what was wrong with me—if I did anything wrong to push him away, or if he was simply turned off by something I did.

When I think about it, it seems like a petty reason to be upset because hey, we love each other and at the end of the day, that’s what matters right? I shouldn’t base my happiness on such things. But as a woman, I can’t help but feel like I’m not good enough and that’s why he doesn’t find me appealing.

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He noticed that I was a bit down after our conversation and he admitted that the problem wasn’t me, but him. It was him who was dealing with insecurities of his own, it was him who couldn’t get over the fear of being attached to someone in that sense.

I tried to understand. I tried very hard; but my flaws flooded my mind.

I heard everything he had to say but I was finding it hard to listen. My thoughts were wandering around, trying to look for answers... then, it hit me: I shouldn’t be making a fuss about this issue. What we need is to focus on making each other a better person and being the best partner we could be for each other. Yes, being intimate is important, but it’s not the key to a happy and healthy relationship. If we focus on making ourselves and our relationship better, we can conquer anything.

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*The name of the author has been changed due to the sensitive nature of the story. Minor edits have been made by the editors.


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