I don't usually like posting about personal problems, but the situation I'm in right now is just so complicated that I need and would appreciate all the advice I can get. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven years now. We already had plans to get married.

However, everything changed when he went on vacation for three weeks. We're both based overseas, and this was the first time I allowed him to take a leave without me. Since we were getting married, I thought it would be OK to give him my trust fully, even if our history says otherwise.

Coming back from his vacation, when my dad and I went to pick him up (please note that we've been living in together with my parents for the past seven years) at the airport, his aura seemed different. I could sense there was something wrong. He wasn't excited at all to see us; it was really weird.

First night after the vacation, we made love pa, then in the next days, I saw someone calling him on Skype. When I grabbed his phone, nagalit ba naman sa akin, bakit daw ako nakikialam?

So, I immediately knew na he was hiding something or someone from me. I tried to be patient with him until I caught him Skyping with his ex-boyfriend (yes, boyfriend po).

For you to fully understand the story, I will trace back our roots. We were best friends before, actually trio kami, me, him and another best friend na lalaki din; I knew from before that he was gay and that he had a relationship with yun nga, his ex-boyfriend.

I was cool with it at first kasi nga friends lang kami, until one night, while we were sleeping together (ganun kami ka-close noon, walang malisya) he told me that he loved me and started to kiss me, so dun na nagising feelings ko for him until naging kami while sila pa din nung ex-boyfriend niya.

After 10 days of being together, I had to move abroad so I had to leave him, kahit na kami pa din. He told me na he ended na his relationship with his ex-boyfriend and kami na daw talaga officially. He told me na ayaw na daw niya ng ganung buhay at kailangan niya tulong ko. I agreed naman and inside I was happy because he really loved me.

Five months after, sumunod siya sa akin abroad, and my parents allowed us to live in together with them (super kakaiba ang set-up). Fast forward to date, almost seven years na kami magkasama and we were planning to get married, until that fateful day na nagkita sila sa Pilipinas ng ex-boyfriend niya at nanumbalik ang feelings.

He totally forgot about me. I never knew na babalik pa din pala siya sa pagkabakla niya. He told me that he needs space so he has to move out of our flat muna, and just be with his brother first, na nasa province part ng bansa na tinitirhan namin.

My parents, of course, felt bad about it dahil iniwan niya ako, when they were thinking na magpapakasal na sana kami. Ganun sila kasure sa relasyon namin and they treated him very well like their own son, though di nila alam na gay nga siya.

I agreed to give him space. However, just recently, nalaman ko sa common friend namin na, he actually asked for space dahil hati ang puso niya, dahil hindi niya alam kung si ex-boyfriend ba or ako ang pipiliin niya.

Imagine after all these years and our struggles together ganito na lang yun? Grabe. I even sent a message to his ex-boyfriend na sana hayaan na lang kami, actually the message was very kind. I didn’t say anything bad, I even apologized to him dahil alam ko na nasaktan ko siya dati pero wala eh deadma lang, walang konsensya.

Ngayon, naguusap pa din kami ng boyfriend ko, kami pa din naman complicated lang ang relasyon namin at wala akong ginawa kundi magdasal na kayanin namin ang pagsubok na ito.

Ang hirap ng laban na ito feeling ko napaka unfair. He told me na we should not talk about love muna kasi wala daw muna ang love life sa puso niya. We have plans to go to Japan next month, but he told me dadaan daw muna siya ng Pinas ng six days, bago kami mag Japan, I asked him for what, sabi lang niya may mission daw siya.

I kept thinking na ginagawa niya akong spare tire just in case di mag-work ang relasyon nila. Grabe talaga.

I am in pain all these days, dahil di lang ako nasaktan even our families, dagdag pa doon wala silang idea sa totoong dahilan ng space na ito. Pakiramdam ko, naglalakad ako ng bukas and puso ko, nagdudugo, nang walang kayang magsara o tumulong sa akin dahil siya lang ang makakapagsabi kung ano na ba talaga ang lagay namin. Lagi niyang sinasabi sa akin na prayers lang daw at leave everything to God.

I don't know and I can't imagine kung bakit o paano niya ako nilagay sa ganitong klaseng posisyon. I am just hoping for a miracle na again, ako pa rin ang piliin niya. He told me na dream niya na magka-family with me and he says na pag nangyari yun, wala na ang confusion niya. He wanted to get me pregnant.

I think naman na gusto niya talaga ng matinong buhay. He really wanted to marry me, kaso this happened. He said na if we get through this, he would rely on my help and understanding. He wants a clean life. Wala naman daw nangyari sa kanila ng ex-boyfriend niya nung nagkita sila.

I feel bad for him pero I feel worse for myself dahil hindi ko naman talaga deserve lahat ng ito.

What do you think guys? Do you think our love can overcome this mess? Napaka complicated ng lahat at hirap na hirap na ako. Lally na talaga ang peg.

As posted on GIRLTalk

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