Being ghosted on is probably one of the most painful experiences ever, especially if you and your partner have been together for quite some time. Not only would you feel rejected, but also disrespected—after all, ano ba naman ‘yong magsabi na tapos na, right?

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That’s exactly what actress Bea Alonzo said when she guested in Angel Locsin and Neil Arce’s YouTube channel. The couple gave Bea a list of tips on how to move on from being ghosted, to which Bea added her insights based on her own experiences. Here are five things we learned from her:

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Don’t post on social media para mapansin.

Bea isn’t against posting on social media, for as long as you’re doing it for yourself. “Kasi kapag iniisip mo pa rin siya, ibigsabihin hindi mo binibigyan ‘yong sarili mo ng room to move on. Nabubuhay ka pa rin para sa kanya.

Don’t blame yourself.

A hard lesson to learn, Bea admits that it took her a while before she realized that she wasn’t at fault, since it was so easy to zero-in on oneself when a relationship doesn’t work.

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Hindi ka kasi nabigyan ng pagkakataong marinig kung ano ‘yong naging mali mo, o kung ano ‘yong naging mali ng relasyon, kung bakit puwede nilang i-drop ng gan’on,” she shares. “Kasi the mere fact na dinrop ‘yong relasyon, parang ibigsabihin, hindi nagma-matter. So pakiramdam mo, hindi ka nag-matter. Wala ka naming kabatuhan, hindi mo siya puwedeng sisihin kasi wala ka nang sisisihin kung ‘di sarili mo na lang. Ikaw na lang ‘yong nasa relasyon e.”

She recommends spending time with family and friends you trust to help you heal. “Do not blame yourself, and also surround yourself with people who will empower you.”

Don’t text back—unless there’s a valid reason.

Halimbawa, ‘yong nawala na lang, tapos sigurado ka naman na hindi ka naman iniwan for another person… Siguro bigyan mo ng chance magpaliwanag—para sa ‘kin, ha—kasi paano kung talagang meron lang masamang nangyari sa kanya, o kaya meron siyang fini-figure out sa sarili niya na hindi pa niya ma-figure out. Kinailangan niya ‘yong space.

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Magkaiba kasi ‘yon e. Kapag may ibang involved, medyo huwag na lang. Huwag ka nang mag-text back!”

Keep busy.

Work has played a huge role in helping Bea moved on from her past relationship. “I feel like I’m able to divert my attention to work.” She shares that while going out of the country for “soul-searching” may initially be nice, coming back to your old routine may trigger unwanted thoughts and feelings. “’Pag balik mo, nand’on ka na sa normal mong pamumuhay… biglang may relapse.”

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Don’t wait for “closure.”

“I think closure is overrated,” she says. “But having the respect to talk to another person for a breakup, I think ‘yon ‘yong pinaka importante. Sabihin mo naman kung makikipag-break.

Love yourself.

In the end it’s all about relearning how to respect and be kind to yourself, as according to Bea, “Doon talaga siya nagsisimula.”

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Watch the full video below:

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