“I don’t create drama. Drama happens to me,” is probably what your friend, who always seems to be in the middle of an emotional storm, tells you. You’ve already mentioned time and again that her continuous involvement in crazy situations can’t be good for her, and while you don’t admit it, it is also taking a toll on you, too.

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Well, now you can tell her that it may be a sign of something more serious when you once again meet up on Zoom for your weekly e-numan session: an expert on Psychology Today has noted that being a constant Drama Queen isn’t healthy at all, and your friend probably isn’t being dragged into these situations—she may be unconsciously jumping into or even creating them.

According to therapist and training provider Claire Jack, Ph.D., always finding oneself in emotionally-intense settings may be attributed to several things: misplaced excitement, the need for attention, behavior learned from a family that thrives in drama, self-destructive behaviors, and the want to control others.

While the first three are easier to understand, the last two seem to be more problematic: self-destructive behaviors root from past traumas, “for instance in the form of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse,” says Claire. “Recreating dramatic situations can be seen as a form of self-destructive behavior. It is impossible to feel happy and content whilst you are living within sequential dramas and continuing to engage in this type of behavior may stem from low self-esteem which is the result of past trauma.”

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Another is the want to manipulate and control others, and it is often seen as a form of passive-aggressiveness. “Instead of being open and honest with people you are involved with, you can draw them into a drama—perhaps by creating a reason to fight with them—in order to make them feel bad about themselves or guilty about the way they have acted towards you.”

The next time you speak with your Drama Queen friend, you may want to take a look at why she does what she does. She may actually need help, and maybe she just needs one person to support her through it. Therapy is a good way to processes issues, and it may actually pull her out of the all these negative incidents that, deep down, she doesn’t want to be in.

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