Should husband tell his wife and children that he has a child from another woman

[anna]

Should the husband tell his wife and children (who are already working) that he has a child from another woman?

I would like to know the opinions of wives who were at the receiving end of this news.  How did it turn out?  Are you still together?  Is your relationship stronger now?  Or are you separated?

Anybody here whose father has a child outside of marriage?  How did you feel when you found out about the "anak-sa-labas?"  How is your relationship now with your dad? 

To all the wives and children, would you want to know this fact or not (with the risk that this knowledge might destroy your family)?

Additional question:  If you were the close friend of the husband who had an affair and the husband requested you not to tell his family about the affair (and the child) because it would destroy his family, what would you do?  Assume that you interact with the husband's family once in a blue moon.

[JAZZIE_G]

Anybody here whose father has a child outside of marriage?  How did you feel when you found out about the "anak-sa-labas?"  How is your relationship now with your dad?  


To answer your question, when i found out may anak sa labas dad ko di na ako nagulat. Confirmation from him lang naman gusto ko malaman and protection namin anak na tunay sa mga properties na naipunadar nila ng mommy ko. Baka humabol anak nya sa labas sabi ko. Selfish ba? Ng gigil ako sa na anakan nya pero dun sa anak nya sa labas di pa kami nag kikita di ko alam maging reaction ko. Same pa din relation namin ng dad ko, close pa din ako sa kanya kasi bunso ako kaya malambing ako sa kanila ng mommy ko.

[anna]

^How did you find out?  Meron nagsumbong sa inyo?  Did this cause conflict between your mom and your dad?

[bluish_mommy]

Anybody here whose father has a child outside of marriage?  How did you feel when you found out about the "anak-sa-labas?"  How is your relationship now with your dad? 

I was not surprised when my dad told us (with my brother) about it, knowing him, ma-chicks kasi sya eh. Anyway, dumating sa point na na-meet ko yung half-sibling ko, wala lang, walang lukso ng dugo, kaya di ako naniniwalang kapatid ko sya. walang bahid ng pagkahawig sa dad ko kasi eh.

To all the wives and children, would you want to know this fact or not (with the risk that this knowledge might destroy your family)?

if I were the wife, big YES, I would like to know, para sa protection ng mga anak ko, lahat ng beneficiary ng insurances ko aalisin ko asawa ko parang walang makuha sa mga pinaghirapan ko ang anak nya sa labas, eto na lang ganti ko sa pagtataksil nya sa akin.

It's better to know talaga, para alam mo ang mga da-moves mo lagi di ba.

[anna]

^Did you and your brother feel anger towards your dad in the beginning?  How is your relationship now with your dad?  How did your mom take it?  How old were you when you found out? 

[Bridgette*]

Definitely yes. That's why you are your husband's wife and vice versa. You are the better half of each other. You are each other's confidant. Not yet married here, but one of the few factors why my ex and I broke up was when he confessed that he has a child. When I knew it, we had been on the rocks. We managed to keep the relationship going and I thought we can work it out long term but unfortunately no, plus the several circumstances associated with I need not to mention. Siguro ngayong single pa kasi ako, my mindset was why would I settle for less with someone na may sabit right? I mean, yes if we love the person we can accept them for who they are including their past and all their flaws but I knew that I was just good at being in love but not good at love. But, if we were married and nun ko lang nalaman, then I've got no choice but acceptance right.

My mom and dad's relationship din is not healthy, just few months ago naging issue sa pamilya namin na may naging kalaguyo ang dad ko and allegedly nagka anak sila. I have loathed my father since forever and nung nalaman ko yun, I really didn't care. If that was true, di ko kikilalanin yung anak nya sa labas and gusto ko lumayas na sya sa bahay namin. I just dont care because I don't love him anymore but I know dapat akong magpatawad because he is my father after all pero yun na lang yun.

Though that isn't confirmed, we are all casual and civil sa bahay. Same with the relationship between my parents (both senior citizens) Kung kelan tumanda saka pa andami nilang teledrama 

[JAZZIE_G]

^How did you find out?  Meron nagsumbong sa inyo?  Did this cause conflict between your mom and your dad?

Usap usapan tsismis sa community, sinabi ng Lola ko mismo sa Mommy ko and martir daw mommy ko sabi ng Lola ko. Pati mga tito ko sinasabi din sa amin. (kapatid ni dad) Si mommy puro salita lang naman pero di naman mahiwalayan dad ko. Reason nya because of me daw. Pino protektahan daw nya ako sa maging future ko kasi pag nag asawa ako malaki factor daw yun pag nag hiwalay sila may masasabi pamilya ng mapangasawa ko. Ako naman at mga kuya at ate ko sina sabi namin ok lang na hiwalayan nya si Daddy. Hangang sa mawala na si Mommy she passed away...away bati sila ng dad ko. Alam ko mahal nila isat isa, dad ko palagi sinasabi men in nature is polygamous. Kaya naging maingat ako sa pagpili ng guy, late bloomer na ako sa takot baka tulad dad ko mapangasawa ko. Mabait si Lord at nabigyan nya naman ako ng husband na maka tangal ng phobia ko about babaero.

[hisana]

As far as I know, wala naman anak sa labas ang dad ko,  but would just like to comment na parang ganyan din yung isa sa mga reasons na binigay ng mom ko kung bakit ayaw nya hiwalayan yung dad ko kahit puro away sila ever since I can remember. Sana mawala na yung stigma sa mga humihiwalay sa asawa. May serious reason naman usually yung ganun eh, so I find it sad to judge someone kung hindi naman nila alam ang totoong nangyayari. Ang hirap that one has to suffer day in and day out just to keep up appearances. They should realize na yung children nagsu-suffer din dahil sa unhealthy environment na ganyan.

[amethyst028]

@anna yung son ko may half brother. i found out about it coz the girl emailed me. break na kame ng ex ko that time for 2years na then we were talking again for our son but he didn't tell me na may gf siya and that he got her pregnant.

my son is older by 4-5years i think. wala na kame nung naka buntis siya so deadma lang.

my son never met his half brother but i told him about it. i also never talked to the girl din. wala din naman signs na they want to contact us. ako din wala din ako balak kausapin sila. normal life lang.

sa akin i keep things simple. i mind my own business. life is not like the telenovelas that is full of drama. i know the mother and the child is out there and they know we exist but that's all it is. i guess we don't need anything from each other kaya ganun. as for the dad of my son we are civil. i tried to accept na ganun na siya and i just let him be. so far no issues, no fights nothing. life is good for me and my son. happy as we can ever be.

[bluish_mommy]

^Did you and your brother feel anger towards your dad in the beginning?  How is your relationship now with your dad?  How did your mom take it?  How old were you when you found out?

My brother was  more upset than I was, kasi hindi naman ako masyadong na-surprise dahil may mga hints na rin naman ako. Actually, our dad confessed it to us after mailibing ang mother namin that day, he talked to us in 1 room while we were resting that night. I was 21 yrs old that time.  When I had a chance to talk to my brother, ikinuwento ko sa kanya yung mga hints na alam ko. All of us parted ways, bumalik sa Canada kapatid ko, dad ko naman was an OFW. and I was left alone, living my own life.

After few years, my brother and I are OK with it, wala naman kaming kontak dun sa half-sibling namin eh. Tsaka promise, wala talagang lukso ng dugo, hindi sa pag-a-ano, pero wala talaga eh, so duda ako kung kapatid ko nga yun talaga. Feeling ko, sinabi lang nung babae sa dad ko na sya ang nakabuntis sa kanya eh, ang dali lang naman sabihin nun di ba?

my brother and I are OK with our dad, we communicate via messenger, so updated na naman kami sa buhay buhay namin. all of these happened almost 20 years ago, kaya naka move on na naman din kami lahat.

[hisana]

^
Bakit naman dun pa talaga sinabi on the same day ng funeral ng mom nyo, syempre high pa ang emotions.

[bluish_mommy]

^I guess, it was his big chance to tell us both. Lumaki kami na halos wala sa tabi namin ang dad namin because he has been an OFW na wala namang naipon din, and this was 1 hint for me to think na may iba talaga sya, imposibleng kahit walang kahit ano na naipundar dahil wala naman kaming magarbong pagkakagastusan sa buhay. Hindi materialistic ang mother ko, kaya nagtataka ako bakit hindi umangat kahit papaano ang buhay namin that time. Although thankful kami na nakatapos kami ng kapatid ko sa pag-aaral, pero I wouldn't give all the credits to my dad, kasi there were times na nanggagaling pa sa ibang kapatid ng mother ko ang pang-tuition namin, (pero eto hindi alam ng dad ko), kaya talagang from  a very young age, kahit nung HS pa ako, may hint na ako talaga. and that time when he told us about it, it was "THE" confirmation na talaga.

very vivid pa sa memory ko ang lahat ng mga pangyayari that gave me hints about it.

[anna]

^how old were you when your dad confessed?  is your step-sibling the same age as you?

[bluish_mommy]

^I was turning 21 that time. mas matanda sa amin ng kapatid ko ang half-silbing namin.

nung mawala ang mother ko, sa totoo lang nawala interest ko lalo sa kahit sino sa side ng father ko, mas close kasi kami ng kapatid ko sa side ng mother ko. as in wala akong pake-elam na ngayon sa kanila, bahala sila sa buhay nila. noon kasi pinu-punta-puntahan pa namin mga kapatid ng father ko eh, after ng confession ng dad ko, I felt na pati sila ka-conive ng dad ko all along, tapos dedma lang sila. hay!!

[Girltalker2]

I know of this case  kakaiba Yung story - 10yo boy learned na May kapatid sya sa labas. When his mom passed away, his dad brought him to live with him, Younger step brother and the ?kalaguyo? (mom ng half bro nya). He made life difficult for them kasi galit sya at May kabit dad nya.
Years passed, Tsaka nya nalaman na Mom pala nya yung kabit. It just so happened that nauna nabuntis Mom nya while kasal na dad nya without kids yet.

Sometimes dahil sinungaling na Kasi talaga yung cheater to begin with, they can twist the story making the kids think may kapatid sila sa labas Pero in reality, baka possible din na Yung mga anak na sinabihan ang anak sa labas.

Should the husband tell his wife and children (who are already working) that he has a child from another woman?

Bakit hindi?

Kahit nangyari pa yun before marriage, he owes his family the truth.

I would like to know the opinions of wives who were at the receiving end of this news.  How did it turn out?  Are you still together?  Is your relationship stronger now?  Or are you separated?

I must say I tried to make the marriage work. Pero not enough effort on his part. So for my sake and my kids, ako na umalis. And it?s the best decision I made. Talagang di kaya bilhin ng pera ang peace of mind and happiness. Mas tahimik at masaya kami without my ex.

Additional question:  If you were the close friend of the husband who had an affair and the husband requested you not to tell his family about the affair (and the child) because it would destroy his family, what would you do?  Assume that you interact with the husband's family once in a blue moon.

As the close friend, I will tell the Husband to be man enough to admit his mistakes and be honest to his family. Even if it means the destruction of his family. And if willing naman sya ituwid ang tama, then prove that to his family.
Tsaka I won?t associate myself na to him, bale maging ex-close friend nako. Ang Hirap kaya humarap sa original family if you know may kabit or anak sa labas na di alam ng original family. Walang Hya din kasi Yung Husband, if he is a real friend, he won?t subject his close friend in a very awkward position.

Siguro ngayong single pa kasi ako, my mindset was why would I settle for less with someone na may sabit right?

That?s good. But it doesn?t mean walang sabit before marriage eh Di magkakasabit during marriage. So choose wisely yes. But there are still some men na Puedeng May anak na before getting married, but honest and responsible enough to man up his past mistake.

But, if we were married and nun ko lang nalaman, then I've got no choice but acceptance right.

Depends, nalaman mo na May anak sya sa pagkabinata, nung kasal na kayo?
Or may naanakan sya while you?re married na?

Both instances are totally wrong and as women, I believe we always have choices. We don?t just accept crap from cheaters and liars. We need to respect ourselves for others to respect us. If tatanggap lang tayo ng ganyan situation, Sino nalang magtanggol satin, lalo pa sa mga anak natin?

Same with the relationship between my parents (both senior citizens) Kung kelan tumanda saka pa andami nilang teledrama 

Case ng friend ko, her parents are in their 70s na. She discovered only this year that her dad has a second family. and masaklap her dad has 3 kids with the second family, and the eldest is ka age lang ng eldest nya!! That means, his dad was in his 60s when the affair started. Her mom was mad, Everyday complaining daw. Pero since May edad na, di nya mahiwalayan - ito yung Di ko ma-gets. Worse, her dad is already retired but seems she needs to help her half siblings.... ?!?!!!

[anna]

... as in wala akong pake-elam na ngayon sa kanila, bahala sila sa buhay nila. noon kasi pinu-punta-puntahan pa namin mga kapatid ng father ko eh, after ng confession ng dad ko, I felt na pati sila ka-conive ng dad ko all along, tapos dedma lang sila. hay!!

IF, let's say for example, some members of your mother's side knew about the situation, would you also feel anger towards them?  Basically, would you feel anger towards people who knew about it but did not say anything about it to you?  As in deadma lang.

[bluish_mommy]

^I don't feel anger towards my dad's side, alam mo yung feeling na civil lang, if they come to me, ok lang, pero hindi excited or what. Hindi na ako magiliw sa kanila, unlike before. If some members of my mom's family knew about it, I would definitely feel the same way towards them.

[anna]

^Thanks for clarifying.

I wonder if it's a different tone if the "anak sa labas" were still a BABY.  Most of the time, you find out about the illegitimate child when the latter is already old.  (There is resistance or refusal to accept the person.)  What if you (the legal wife or legal children) were presented with a baby?  Would there be less resistance in accepting the illegitimate child (because sometimes babies have that melt-my-heart effect on us)?  Initially, there might be anger towards the husband/father but because of the baby, the family is able to look past the husband/father's mistakes.

Do any of you know wives who were able to accept the baby as their own despite the husband's infidelity?

[Girltalker2]

Do any of you know wives who were able to accept the baby as their own despite the husband's infidelity?

This only happens in movies.

For this to happen, the Wife should forgive and forget totally the infidelity. Especially if the baby was born or illicit relationship was ongoing during their marriage, mukhang never ata ito puede mangyari unless santo talaga si wifey.

Secondly, the Mistress should be willing to give up the baby. Which again, never happens. Because if she does, lalong mawawala yung Chance nya maagaw yung Guy.

Lastly, the Husband should be willing to let go of the Mistress and stay loyal to the Wife. Ito eh para tahimik sila mamuhay as a family.

Idk, parang impossible lang mangyari ito, in my opinion. Unless something happened like namatay Yung mistress or something. Which again usually doesn?t happen 🤣

[iamfoursixnine]

My husband had a child from another woman outside our marriage. Nagconfess sya dahil naguluhan sya sa nangyari and he doesnt want to end our marriage despite what happened. Tanggap ko naman un bata walang kasalanan un. Yung hindi ko lang matanggap e yung babae nagdedemand pa na gusto ny magpaka "asawa" at "ama" yung husband ko sa kanila. Ano sya sinuswerte hati kami?! So i let my husband choose. I am not yet ready to tell my kids about their half baby sister but in time when wounds are healed, baka sakali mangyari yun. Regarding beneficiary, sabi naman ng husband ko hindi sya pumirma sa birthcert ng bata kaya mahihirapan un babae magclaim ng kung anumang meron maiwan asawa ko.

[bluish_mommy]

^tsk tsk tsk I feel sorry for the baby and your kids, talagang ang mga bata ang nagsa-suffer sa mga ganitong situations.