Author Topic: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit  (Read 3713 times)

damselindistress24

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He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« on: July 13, 2015, 11:42:07 am »
Hi! Need some advice. Pls be patient na lang mejo mahaba.

I'm a single mom.  3 years na din kmeng wala ng daddy nia, kc before pa nia ko mabuntis, on the rocks na yung relationship namen. Masyado ko syang minahal, pero siguro di talaga ko enough para sa kanya. Nagkaron ako ng bf Dec 2012 and it lasted for 2 years, w/c happens to be my baby daddy's friend. Pinaalam ko naman sa kanya, then cnbe nia ok lang daw sa kanya. Nagpunta c ex sa dubai for work, yung communication sa una okay pa, pero later on nagging sobrang dalang na kc nagagalit yung bf ko. Pero lahat ng pagkukulang ng ex ko bngay at pinaramdam nia saken, then nitong Jan 2015, minessage ako ni baby daddy, saying na gusto nia mabuo kame as a family. At first di ko maramdaman kung ano dapat ko mafeel, kc may bf ako that time at di ko naman sya pwedeng iwan ng ganon ganon lang. Tapos nitong April sobrang dalas n namen magaway ng bf ko, nasasakal na ko s knya,parang ngging routine n lang lahat ng gngwa namen, at sa 2 years na yun di ko p din sya makitaan ng effort sa paghhnap ng work syempre big deal saken yun kasi may anak na ko, kaya i've decided to end it na. Then nitong June dumating yung daddy ng baby ko from dubai, nung nagkita ulit kme at first awkward, pero later on feeling ko bmbalik lahat ng feelings ko for him, akala ko nakamove on n ko s knya di pa pala. naramdaman ko na ngbago na sya, naging mature responsable, tuwang tuwa ako pag nakikita ko yung mag-ama ko na nageenjoy, masaya.. Sweet pa din sya saken,  pero ako mejo nagppigil ng feelings kc sinaktan na nia ko date ayoko na maulit yon.. Pag magkasama kame okay naman kame, inaaya nia ko magdate, pumupunta family nia dito sa bahay, inaaya nia ko magouting with his family etc. Pero nalalabuan ako sa lagay namen, di ko alam kung san ba patungo kc di naman sya open sa feelings nia, kaya i asked him kung ano ba to kc ngguluhan na ko, kung san patungo? kung gsto pa ba nia mabuo kame or hindi na.. then he said, naguguluhan din daw sya. Gusto pa daw nia ko, ako pa din naman daw kaso naghholdback daw sya. kasi up to now hindi daw niya matanggap na naging bf ko yung friend nia, at di nia alam kung ready na ba sya magcommit, at kung magging ready p b sya. Tinanong din ni niya ko pano daw pag mafall out of love akosa kanya, pano kung mawalan sya ng work, iiwan ko daw b sya? tulad ng gnawa ko sa ex ko, ang sabi ko, Hindi, kasi willing ako gawin lahat mabuo lang tayo, kasi masaya ko makita lang kayo ni baby, kasi ganon ko kayo kamahal. Then sabi ko okay atlis ngayon may idea na ko kung ano status naten. Ayun, Syempre nasaktan na naman ako, kc mahal ko pa sya, feeling ko nareject na naman ako. After nung usapan na yon, sweet pa din sya saken kaya nakiride na lang ako. Then one time, may naging usapan kame, parang ang gsto nia paratingin saken is, natural lang sa lalake na may sideline, pero at the end of the day may isang girl na bbalik balikan nila. I really dont get that.

Aalis na sya ngayong Wednesday bbalik na sya sa dubai 1-2 years pa bago kme uli magkita. Inaaya nia ko na magwork dun pero di ko alam kung kaya kong iwan c baby.
The problem is mahal na mahal ko p sya, hindi ko alam kung dapat intayin ko pa b sya na maging ready or mag give up na ko.

At what age ba normally nagiging ready for commitment ang guy? Possible pa kaya na pag naging ready sya magiging faithful na sya saken?

mysterioza_me

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2015, 02:18:00 pm »
Very very similar story natin sis. Wala sa age if kelan magma-mature ang guy, 32yrs old si ex and yet hindi siya naging fully committed sa akin despite na may anak kami. Nag-usap pa kami ng masinsinan before ko siya binalikan (Almost 5yrs kami hiwalay and no bf's during those time) pero tumino lang for a few months then went back to his old self na naman. Buti na lang hindi ako nagpa-pressure pakasal nun magkabalikan kami kaya walang problema after namin maghiwalay.


 Then one time, may naging usapan kame, parang ang gsto nia paratingin saken is, natural lang sa lalake na may sideline, pero at the end of the day may isang girl na bbalik balikan nila. I really dont get that.


He means na antayin mo lang siya kasi babalikan ka din naman niya pagnagsawa na siya sa mga sideline niya. In layman's term, reserba ka.


 up to now hindi daw niya matanggap na naging bf ko yung friend nia, at di nia alam kung ready na ba sya magcommit, at kung magging ready p b sya.

Kalurks to sis, siya pwede magsideline, pero nung nagka-bf ka after ninyo maghiwalay ikinasasama ng loob niya?! Naku sis if magkakaayos kayo baka naman forever niya isumbat sa iyo yan. I dont think na willing magcommit ang tao na yan kasi siya mismo sinasabi na hindi niya sure if magiging ready pa siya magcommit. Kausapin mo mabuti dad ng baby mo and ask him if kung san ka ba nakalugar sa buhay niya. Kung magbabalikan kayo mas mainam na crystal clear ang usapan kesa naman nag-aantay ka ng wala naman assurance na may inaantay ka. Pero kung malabo pa din sagot ng daddy ng baby mo mas mainam na mag-move on ka na lang kesa humopia sa wala.
If a girl understands your b******t, stick through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her , it's obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obVious that you don't deserve her...

graezieylicious

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2015, 04:12:33 pm »
Hi sis! I want to help you not your situation. Anyway, why don't you just improve your life and your self...as well as your career life for your baby's future than waiting in vain for your ex or bf or whoever guy to marry you? Come on sister, you are better than that!

graezieylicious

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2015, 04:15:59 pm »
How old are you by the way sis? Are you really ready for a married life? You might have many setbacks in life but choosing the wrong guy to marry would be a disaster. A man will marry you if hes ready financially, he really loves you, he wants to settle down, he wants to have his own family and kids.
Just focus on the brighter side of life. You should be whole and complete with or without someone. Know your worth! Set your standards please.

hypergalactix13

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2015, 05:05:12 pm »
sorry sis to tell you this but based on your story, it seems like the father of your child is nowhere near thinking to settle down.

your kid is already like 3 or 4 years old, most probably. what stopped you from getting married that time? kasi, kung totoo yung sinasabi niyang "willing ako gawin lahat mabuo lang tayo, kasi masaya ko makita lang kayo ni baby, kasi ganon ko kayo kamahal" noon pa dapat kayo nagpakasal.

feeling ko kaya sya bumabalik is he's trying to "weigh" things. kanino ba sya mas masaya or satisfied? dun sa sinabi niya na "natural lang sa lalake ang may sideline" aba hindi natural yun. baka sa kanya, pero sa ibang guys hindi.

think about it sis.. of course in the end it will still be your decision. but IMO, better let him go. he's not worth your time and effort kahit pa sabihing may anak na kayo.




Girltalker2

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2015, 08:43:13 pm »

Tinanong din ni niya ko pano daw pag mafall out of love akosa kanya, pano kung mawalan sya ng work, iiwan ko daw b sya? tulad ng gnawa ko sa ex ko, ang sabi ko, Hindi, kasi willing ako gawin lahat mabuo lang tayo, kasi masaya ko makita lang kayo ni baby, kasi ganon ko kayo kamahal. Then sabi ko okay atlis ngayon may idea na ko kung ano status naten. Ayun, Syempre nasaktan na naman ako, kc mahal ko pa sya, feeling ko nareject na naman ako.


Ganyan na ba ang patakaran ngayon? Yung babae na ang kelangan mag prove gano nya kamahal yung guy? And the guy gets to ask hard questions?

Subukan lang nya tanungin iyan at sabihin ko talaga na iiwan ko sya kasi di naman sya karapat dapat talaga. Ang kapal ng mukha nya.


After nung usapan na yon, sweet pa din sya saken kaya nakiride na lang ako. Then one time, may naging usapan kame, parang ang gsto nia paratingin saken is, natural lang sa lalake na may sideline, pero at the end of the day may isang girl na bbalik balikan nila. I really dont get that.

Well puede mo sa kanya sabihin normal yun, tama sya, normal yun para sa mga hayop tulad nya.


Aalis na sya ngayong Wednesday bbalik na sya sa dubai 1-2 years pa bago kme uli magkita. Inaaya nia ko na magwork dun pero di ko alam kung kaya kong iwan c baby.
The problem is mahal na mahal ko p sya, hindi ko alam kung dapat intayin ko pa b sya na maging ready or mag give up na ko.


Ok lang sa kanya lumaki anak nyo nang walang parent around? Bakit daw nya Ikaw gusto sumunod, para may free sex sya pero walang commitment?

Huwag ka kasi pumayag sa pag lambing nya. He is just taking advantage of you. Kung mahal ka nya, he won't ask those silly questions or even raise an issue regarding your ex.




At what age ba normally nagiging ready for commitment ang guy? Possible pa kaya na pag naging ready sya magiging faithful na sya saken?

Wala nga sa age. May iba nga akala nila ready na sila at magpapakasal. Only to find out di pa pala sila ready at mambababae lang.


mysterioza_me

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2015, 09:21:07 pm »
Sis Girltalker2 ang puso mo baka malaglag. Pero totoo talaga lahat ng sinabi mo, nakakainit ng ulo ang ganyang lalake.

TS trust me pinagdaanan ko na yan. If I were you mag-move on ka na lang habang hindi ka pa masyadong nagi-invest ng time and effort sa kanya. He's not worth your time
If a girl understands your b******t, stick through your mistakes, smiles even when you've done nothing for her , it's obvious she's a keeper. But it's also obVious that you don't deserve her...

j.adore

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2015, 10:53:31 pm »
Yeah, wala sa age yan. My husband was 26 when we got married.

I agree that you should focus on your child and yourself. Do not depend on any man both emotionally and financially. Kung totoo yang mga pinagsasabi ng tatay ng anak mo, gagawa yan ng paraan para talaga mabuo pamilya niyo.

Don't fall into the trap, again.

dismembered

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2015, 03:52:24 pm »
Sis Girltalker2 is right!

Malaki din ang kapal ng mukha ng lalakeng yan!

Teka, matanong ko lang... me sustento ba ang baby mo mula sa lalakeng ito?
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simang

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2015, 09:07:31 am »
Feel ko sis hindi mo pa din alam what you really want for yourself. Sure iniisip mong mabuo ang family nyo, but thinking about it, para kasing you're grabbing lang every chance for love na available, kahit hindi yun yung ideal for you. Why not try to distance yourself to this person muna, analyze kung ano ba talagang gusto mong mangyare sa buhay mo, hindi yung papadala ka lang dahil sweet sya sayo. Try mo muna magfocus sa anak mo. Work on improving yourself. Yung mga taong iniwan ka na (your ex and the dad of your kid), hayaan mo na sila. When you're the right person, you will attract a right person.
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three8one

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2015, 03:24:25 pm »
based sa story mo ts.. kung totoo man yang feelings mo sa ex mo pwede mong bigyan ng ultimatum si guy. you can wait for him pero it doesn't mean na forever or kung kailan sya magiging ready. para naman maalarma si ex at magpursige sya o kaya magmadali kumilos kung talagang may plan sya para sa family nyo.

sa tingin ko good deal na yun for him tsaka for you, atleast no regrets ka pag dumating yung time na wala na talagang pag asa pala mabuo yung family nyo dahil nagbigay ka na ng chance at blessing naman kung sakaling may dumating na mr right para sa yo. eh sa kupad or hopeless na talaga ng ex mo siguro naman you can say enough na yung time/chance na binigay mo sa kanya and its time naman na isipin mo yung for you at sa future nyo ng baby mo.
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plumpolka

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #11 on: October 19, 2015, 01:47:24 pm »
move on. hindi naman ibig sabihin na pag buo ang pamilya masaya. madaming oras masasayang if you keep on waiting for the person na hindi rin naman talaga for you. and the fact na reserve ka lang, second choice, least priority, dapat hindi ka pumayag na ganon. if he wants to be in your life, hindi niyo na kailangan pa maghintayan kasi he will be in your life.
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books_mags

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2015, 05:51:45 pm »
dont fall into the trap.  having a complete family doesnt equate to being happy.
if he wants you, he will make things happen.  it will not be conditional.  anong klase yung makikipagbalikan tapos gusto may sideline.  you'll just end up hurting yourself.  confident yang ex mo ngayon kasi he is what his friend is not.  may trabaho siya and since you broke up with his friend, added points sa ego niya.

get rid of both of them and live your life away from them.  why be in a situation where you know you will be unhappy.

Shadow Angel

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2015, 07:53:01 pm »
Ang kapal nga ha magsabi natural lang sa guy na may sideline so tatanggapin mo na lang until magsawa sya magside line paano kung hindi magsawa. Tipikal mindset ng pinoy na nakakainis na okay lang maraming babae. Sana hindi ka padala sa kung ano lang meron kayo ngayon.

batangpasaway

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2015, 03:17:55 pm »
sis depende sa financial status ni guy tsaka emotional maturity nya ang pagcommit. saken lang kung ganyan ang lalake dapat dinidisiplina. kung mahal ka talaga nyan mag-eeffort yan sayo hindi yung hihiling sya ng mga bagay na sa kanya lang pabor. tsaka di ako nanininiwala na kelangan nila ng sideline when they're away just to satisfy their tawag ng laman. hello! may kamay naman for that. haha. pero seriously, nakakatakot ang sideline sideline nya kase panu kung mafall sya. edi kawawa ka sa pagaantay sa kanya. umaasa kang babalikan ka sabay di naman pala. sis. mahalin mo sarili mo at know your worth. improve yourself tsaka iprove mo sa kanya na kaya nyo ni baby ng wala sya gawin mo toh para sa sarili mo at kay baby. marerealize nya yung value mo. pansin ko sa guys mas nachachallenge sila kapag yung girl ay di naghahabol sa kanila...

jtansanco

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2015, 01:02:17 pm »
Hmmmmm... I guess other posters have already given their valuable insights. Your post suggests that you're only thinking based on the present situation. I think you should have a talk with him regarding your future plans for each other. Ask him of his 5 year plan and compare it to yours. Then, see if you two can work it out. He works in U.A.E. but you're based in the Philippines. How will that work? Try to figure it out in the long run.
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commish

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #16 on: December 08, 2015, 02:58:03 am »
iba karakas ng daddy ng baby mo ah, napakapogi! natural lang sa lalaki mag sideline pero di nya matanggap na tropa nya naging bf mo? hahaha

hes just sweet because alam nya na hindi ka pa preoccupied or wala ka pa sa priorities mo. alam nyang kakapit ka pa rin sa kanya, mahal mo pa rin sya to the extent na nagpaalam pa sya sa iyo na magaliwa. di ba the nerve?

i dont believe na nagmature na sya, more of naging opportunistic pa nga eh. lakas gumamit ng leverage, gamitin ba naman daw yung anak para makascore pa. if naging responsable na yan, pagdating pa lang nyan nagsorry na yan at sa kanya mismo manggagaling ang mga salitang "gusto ko mabuo tayo as one family" hindi sa iyo.

real men knows their own vertical and has his own direction. if a real man does create a plan kasama parati ang special someone, hindi pedeng hindi or solo lang para sa kanya ang plano nya kasi meron syang sense ng responsibility and obligation. if you feel lost and mislead most likely you are being mislead on purpose, no rocket science there. red flag na yan to filter out his words and find out his real purpose (if you still have time and energy to accommodate bullsh*t).

by the way about sa age na ready magcommit. walang age, you need to factor in a lot of things like yung financial stability etc and to note yung disisyon to commit or settle down hindi lang purely disisyon ng lalaki malaking influence din kung anong nakikita at nararamdaman namin sa partner namin. so as you see its not as simple as A, B, C's there are several dynamics involved.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2015, 03:03:16 am by commish »
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amethyst028

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #17 on: December 08, 2015, 09:49:05 am »
wala yan sa age. i know of guys na 40yrs. old na single pa din at hindi pa ready mag commit. pati maturity wala rin yan sa age.

don't talk him out of a commitment. it is something he will freely give to you if he wants to. kahit ano gawin mo pag ayaw niya ayaw niya. at pag hindi ikaw ang the one for him it will not happen. mas gusto mo bang ipag pilitan at makuha mo ang gusto mo. ikasal kayo magkaron ka ng complete family then years down the road hindi pala siya talaga ready. napilitan lang. tapos magpapa annulment kayo (sobrang mahal) then issue sa mga pag hahatian na properties if any, then yung anak niyo. too complicated if you get married and it didn't work.

chillax lang sis. what is meant to be will find its way kahit nasa magkabilang dulo pa kayo ng mundo. live your life, do your thing. don't stress yourself too much. this is not something you can control. and don't even try to get your way kasi baka mamaya makuha mo nga gusto mo tapos pagsi-sihan mo sa bandang huli.

naturelle

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2015, 01:27:47 pm »
^ Thank you sis, this is exactly what I'm going through right now, sobrang comforting and enlightening ng words mo :)

khaleesiCersei

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #19 on: December 08, 2015, 02:38:35 pm »
Sis imo, yun baby daddy mo is just not that into you. Wala sa age yan at hindi dahil may baby na kayo eh papakasalan ka niya. Ayaw niya mag commit syo kasi hindi siguro ikaw ang nakikita niya makasama habang buhay.. baka magulat ka na lang sis in a year or two mabalitaan mo na lang na ikakasal na siya sa iba. Save yourself sis, lagyan mo na ng boundary ang relationship nyo. Hangang co-parenting na lang.  Sweet sweetan lang siya syo kasi readily available ka at alam niya yun. Pabayaan mo na siya sis, you deserve someone better than that. Hindi naman porket tatay siya ng anak mo eh wala ka ng choice at pagtyatyagaan mo na lang yun pagtrato niya syo. Save yourself sis, baka imbis na happy ending makuha mo sa baby daddy mo eh impyernong buhay pala.

googoo

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Re: He's 27 and yet not ready to commit
« Reply #20 on: December 18, 2015, 07:18:16 pm »
You should not wait for a guy to love, marry and support you.  Why don't you uplift yourself and work so you can better your life and that of your kid?

 


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