Author Topic: Sister-in-law cheated on my brother. What to do?  (Read 2923 times)


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Sister-in-law cheated on my brother. What to do?
« on: July 06, 2017, 10:09:17 pm »
I joined Girltalk because of this. But it was only now that I had mustered the courage to write down my feelings about my sister in law.

It has been almost 3 years since I heard the most dreadful news about my SIL - she cheated on my brother and got pregnant by a foreigner abroad. Mismong kapatid ko ang nagsabi sa akin, and made me promise to never tell our parents about it. The reason is - because my mom and dad, tend to overreact at baka magiskandalo and malaman ng mga anak nila. They have 4 children, 2 of which are teenagers (both are academically performing) and 2 boys, 12 and 8.

To give you a background - My sister left for New Zealand I think 9 years ago under the Student Visa Program. She was a nurse here in the Philippines. Almost 600 k ang nagastos, all of which was shouldered by my Dad.

The first year, my brother and SIL were ok. Constant FB communication, Skype and all. But then as few years went by, gradually, I noticed something strange about my brother. He became a little bit reclusive. Sometimes "tulala" and not what he used to be. Whenever I ask him about my SIL, short phrases lang lagi ang sagot. Then my SIL deactivated her FB account. But still "occasionally" calls my brother. Then came those vivid dreams- I often dreamt about her having an affair with another faceless man. Pinagwalang bahala ko. Never bothered to tell it to my brother.

My sister never went home for 5 years. Then on her 6th year - she went home but only took a vacation for 6 days. Her reason was she just got admitted to a new hospital and don't have enough credits to take a long leave. She went home dahil graduation ng anak nila sa elementary noon. But father was suspicious, as he always say, bakit naman napakaikli ng bakasyon niya? Not knowing she did not have the time because may anak na nga siyang iba and siguro walang mapagiiwanan ng ganung katagal sa NZ.

She only visited us, just for a night then went home straight sa kanila. At that time suspicious na ako. Then like they always say - walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag. She left her laptop and consequently my brother saw her new FB (this was a new FB na hindi kami nakaadd and under a different name), and learned that she already have a baby with an expat. Super sweet ang mga messages and all. And to add to our horror, that man is legally married in his home country and a gold digger as it turned out yung SIL ko pa ang halos sumosuporta sa kanya even his family financially.

Ang sakit. Sobra. Nakita ko yung silent na pain sa mukha ng kuya ko. I felt betrayed. Umiyak ako. Una sa lahat, super close ko yung SIL ko. Tuwing may tampuhan sila ng brother ko, kinakampihan ko pa siya. I was the one who helped her processed her papers. And helped her sa pagrenew ng mga requirements niya para makapagwork siya full time sa NZ. She even promised me na kapag ok na siya sa NZ she'll help me come there. All of us. Ang masakit pa, that 5 long years, hindi man lang siya nagpadala ng kahit ano sa amin except sa kakarampot na allowance ng mga bata. Lagi ngang nagtataka ang mama namin, bakit ganun, dapat medyo nakakabawi na daw siya financially dapat doon pero halos parang isang kahig isang tuka lang ang pinapadala niya sa mga bata. As in napakaliit. Yun pala iba na ang sinosoportahan niya. Ibang tao na ang nakikinabang sa pera niya. My mom and dad, hindi sila nakekealam and never nilang siningil yung 600k na pinangabroad niya, pero they would like naman to see na ok yung mga bata. The reason nga na pinayagan siyang magabroad at tinulungan nila is because they want my brother and her to have a better future together with their children. Turned out, baliktad ang nangyari. Naging daan pa pala yung pagabroad niya para magtaksil siya sa kapatid ko.

To cut the story short, my brother confronted her through a call. Inamin niya and super high and mighty pa siya na wala na talaga sila. And problema ngayon is hindi masabi sabi ng kapatid ko na may asawa na siya doon for the reason mentioned above. They are now separated but for the sake of the children, my brother never mentioned about her betrayal.

Now my parents still are hoping na kukunin sila sa NZ. And I, gustong gusto ko nang sabihin sa kanila na hindi na mangyayari yun however I am bound by a promise to my brother.  Silently, I know that he is suffering but I could see naman that he is moving on na. Everytime I see her FB, a gamut of emotions - sadness and rage ang nafefeel ko. Gustong kong sumigaw at gusto ko siyang imessage that she is a whore and all, but of course nananaig pa rin ang civility ko (hindi talaga ako ganun na nagcoconfront).

I am sad and still could not move on, even after 3 years. I could not forgive her for what she had done no matter how many times I try to convince myself to let go and move on. Sabi ng bf ko maybe because there are still unresolved issues about us hiding the truth from our parents. If you were in my shoes, would you tell your parents about your brother's secret? What will I do, should I confront my SIL or just stay silent?

Advance thank you for your responses.


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Re: Sister-in-law cheated on my brother. What to do?
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2017, 10:51:32 pm »
Proof that long distance relationship does not work. Dapat merong plano kung gaano katagal, hindi pwedeng permanent. Kasi, what's the point of a relationship if you're not be together. Out of sight, out of mind. The feelings will die afterwards. It's just unfortunate that they are married.

Anyway, you should tell your brother that you need to tell your parents. Kasi they will eventually know. What's the point of hiding it? Aasa lang sila sa wala. The best thing to really do is move on. That's the hardest part but what's your choice really? I am sorry to hear this happened to your family. I wish your brother all the best.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" ---Matthew 6:34


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Re: Sister-in-law cheated on my brother. What to do?
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2017, 08:42:52 am »

Your Brother needs to be strong. Sabi mo nga 3 years na. And I think the children also need to know. Rather than malaman pa nila sa iba.

If I'm in your Brother's shoes, I will first talk to my kids. I will assure them how much they are loved by everyone. Kaso some hiccups in life happen and this is one of them. Their Mother will not be coming home. She may visit but she won't be coming home na. Read up on how to communicate to kids (depending on age) regarding parents separation.

Secondly, I will file an annulment. And if possible, full custody of the kids. Arrange all my docs to have my kids or parents or siblings ang beneficiary. The risk here kasi if something happens to your Brother, Baka makuha pa ng sil mo. Worse, if ever this happens, she might just take all the kids with her.

Lastly, I will tell the parents. In a subtle way - na wala na kami ng asawa ko.

If I'm in your shoes naman, I will talk to my Brother and tell him if he is strong na ba to do all of the above. If not, he has to learn to accept reality and be strong for the kids. Sya nalang ang maaasahan ng mga Bata so he has to be strong.
Then offer your help to him, and you can also be there to support him once he tells the truth to your parents.


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Re: Sister-in-law cheated on my brother. What to do?
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2018, 05:20:21 pm »
May I know what your brother is doing here in the Philippines?  How was their relationship prior to working abroad?
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