Author Topic: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!  (Read 3968 times)

Girltalker2

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #20 on: December 14, 2019, 11:25:43 am »
Sis Fifi, your hubby is very unstable. Mahirap magkaron ng padre de pamilya Na lagi pinapairal ang nararamdaman nya, tapos lagi kayo mag aadjust ng Anak mo. Worst, mahirap manghula at mag figure out sa sinasabi/inaasta nya vs. ano Na talaga nararamdaman nya or anong gusto nya.

Tingin ko di pa sya mature to handle these types of arrangements.

In the first place, sya dapat nag iisip ng plan if he wants your family to be together. Hindi Yung kung anong gusto nya without any consideration to your kid?s welfare or your schedule.

When you decided to rent for a condo, sana pumili kayo ng location Na medyo malapit sa parents mo. Yes it will take some sacrifice sa inyong 2 commuting to work, pero araw araw mo naman masubaybayan ang bata and magkakasama kayo. Or if there?s a way na May relative ka or your hubby to come to your house daily to look after your son. Instead of hiring a Yaya, you just ?hire? a relative/ka kilala/kapitbahay Na free ang sched.
I Guess too late itong mga suggestion ko pero sana maayos nyo pa. Knowing your hubby, he will be back at na paka unstable nya. Right now, he is angry kaya ganyan ang takbo ng usapan nyo. Later, I think mag r reach out na naman iyan depende sa mood nya. Tingin ko Lang ha.


Shadow Angel

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #21 on: December 14, 2019, 01:54:11 pm »
Nasubaybayan ko dati story mo sis. This time I feel your husband mauulit lang talaga problema nyo dahil di naman nasolve ang mga  dati nyo issues. Naiintindihan ko asawa mo na may family sya pero para naman wala. Mahirap talaga pag ang mag asawa hindi magkasama sa iisang bahay. Hindi ba talaga kaya masolusyonan un problema na magkakahiwalay kayo. Try mo kaya magleave ng mga few months tapos tumira kayo sa condo nya para mabalance or makita mo if worth it ba talaga na magkaroon kayo ng third chance.

fifi_girl

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2019, 12:43:21 pm »
^naiintindihan ko din naman siya na hindi 100% yung oras na magkasama kami. But what choice do we have then? School year is about to start, we need to decide kung saan i-e-enroll yung anak namin, pero wala pa kami makuha na yaya.

Im just really heartbroken. Kase we really tried to make things work this time. Tinatanong ko na sa sarili ko kung ako ba talaga ang may problema o siya?

God knows i really tried this time. Pero ayun nga, para sa kanya kulang pa din. I tried mu best to individuate myself from my family. May mga events/gatherings na hindi kami sumasama ng anak ko dahil pupunta kami sa condo or lalabas din kami.

Maski anong sabihin niya, tinatanggap ko nalang. Kase ako mismo, hindi ko na kilala yung sarili ko. Everytime na sasabihin niya na ganito ako or ganun, im starting to believe that i am. Though alam ko sa sarili ko that im not entirely wrong.

fifi_girl

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2020, 01:25:26 pm »
Update:

I am trying to be civil to him because of our son. Last weekend was our son's birthday, so we decided to spend the weekend ng magkakasama to celebrate his birthday.

We argued again. But this time he hurt me. Physically. Sampal, sipa at suntok. He even pulled my hair and pushed me. I didn't fight back, because my son is sleeping in the same room, and i don't want him to wake up and see me like that.

The next day, he even blamed me na "dakdak ng dakdak" kaya siya nagkakaganun.

The very moment he is hitting me, ramdam na ramdam ko na ang t**** t**** ko na. Parang bigla akong nauntog or nagising. I don't want to beg to be respected and treated nicely.
Its like an instant realization for me that he will never change.

simang

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #24 on: February 17, 2020, 06:00:52 pm »
Oh no :( So sorry to hear that sis. Baka yan na talaga ang sign na kailangan mo.

I will say a prayer for you and your son tonight.
...all adventurous women do.

ficklemind

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2020, 06:25:03 pm »
Oh my God sis, I'm so sorry na umabot pa sa ganyan to finally realize and decide to end things with him.

fifi_girl

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2020, 06:31:48 pm »
I felt sorry for myself too. Kase tinanggap ko lahat ng pananakit niya sa akin without fighting back.

My dilemma is how can my son spend time with his father? I tried talking to my son na ihahatid ko nalang siya sa daddy niya so they can spend some time together. But my son does not want to go there ng hindi ako kasama. I?m also not comfortable na maiwan siya sa daddy niya ng sila lang, minsan kase madali mainis yun ex ko lalo na pag makulit na or nag t tantrums na yung bata.

lyrahs

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #27 on: February 18, 2020, 11:14:55 am »
So sorry to hear that sis :(

Wag mo munang isipin kung pano mag-spend ng time ang anak mo sa tatay nya na hindi ka kasama. Heal yourself first. Kung gusto makita ng ama ang anak nya, sya ang pumunta sa inyo.
Life's a beach....Enjoy!!!

ficklemind

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #28 on: February 18, 2020, 11:28:12 am »
^ agree, wag mo na isipin sa ngayon sis, hayaan mo siya gumawa ng paraan kung gusto niya makita ang bata.
Yung son mo ba ang laging naghahanap sa Tatay niya?

fifi_girl

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2020, 12:22:48 pm »
My son does not look for him all the time. But i know that he misses his dad.
Minsan bigla lang niya sasabihin sa akin na picturan ko siya o yung drawing niya, tapos send ko daw sa daddy niya.

The day we went to his dad for his birthday weekend, he was really excited to go.

My ex is not in good terms with my family. So visiting my place is not an option for him.

lyrahs

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #30 on: February 18, 2020, 03:17:16 pm »
Going to him to have a father and son meet up/bonding should also not be an option to you. If he is not in good terms with your family, then he should make a way if he reaaaalllly wants to see his son.

Pag gusto may paraan, pag ayaw maraming dahilan.
Life's a beach....Enjoy!!!

fifi_girl

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #31 on: April 02, 2020, 07:19:07 am »
One benefit of the lockdown is i was able to further organize my thoughts, dahil less stress na din. Though i am working from home, i have more time! naks!

First, I was able to make peace with myself that I did everything i could to make things work between us. No more ifs, buts and what ifs. I know i gave my 100% to make it happen. If in the end he doesn't see it, then it is no longer my problem. It takes two to tango, and in our case, i was the only one dancing.

Second, he thinks highly of himself for giving it another try. Its like what he gave me is a chance of a lifetime, and that "pinilit" lang daw niya, kase ayaw na niya talaga. For almost a year, i was emotionally tired. Not to mention financially-depleted, because I had to use some of my savings because of the expenses whenever we stay there for the weekends, or whenever we go out. I paid half of the rent and utilities.

Lastly, I did not deprive him of seeing my son. It was him who is not making an effort to see him. He knows that i am just one text or call away in case he wants to see my son. Maybe he does not want to see me? Its not my issue anymore.

I hate him for making me feel like i am and will never be enough for him. That he deserves someone better than me. Someone who can give him what he wants. Because apparently for him, wala daw akong kaya gawin para sa kanya. Yes, siguro may mali din ako, but God knows it wasn't my intention to hurt him or make him feel that way.

He is very good at turning things against me. He was able to justify why he left me ~3 years ago. That it was all my fault. What amazes me is that, he was the only one who saw or viewed things that way.

Girltalker2

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #32 on: April 12, 2020, 10:45:07 am »
Sis fifi
Sabi ko nanga ba there is something psychologically wrong with the father of your son. Medyo May off sa Pag iisip nya.

If I were you, you should have filed for a case against him. Sana May proof ka sa pambugbog nya. Terrible, really terrible.

Happy to hear na your mind is clear on this and please make sure you stick to your decision even 5-10 years from now. Kasi baka later on, suyuin ka or iyakan at yakapin ka, bibigay ka ulit. Hope you stand your grounds and next time he harms you, please make sure you file a police report. You shouldn?t allow anyone to treat you like that. Pinag Ingat ingatan ka ng parents mo para lang magpabugbog sa kanya? If your son knows all this, what would you like to teach him, tanggapin nalang ang pagbugbog ng ibang tao (or rather ng taong Na dapat pino-protektahan ka)?

Tsaka please, huwag mo Na isipin ang time ng Anak mo sa hudas nyang tatay. Gusto mo ba magaya ang Anak mo sa pambubugbog ng kapwa gaya ng tatay nya? Anyone who does that doesn?t even deserve to be called a father. Sanayin mo Na Anak mo to just treat your dad and your brother (if any) or Relatives as a father figure. Maraming Bata sa Mundo lumaki walang tatay but ended up being successful. So don?t make an excuse na kesyo walang time Anak mo sa dad nya kawawa naman. I don?t think so, he is even better off not knowing his useless father.

Take care sis and hope you and your son can move on well after this.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2020, 10:52:43 am by Girltalker2 »

fifi_girl

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #33 on: May 26, 2020, 01:15:31 pm »
Hello mga sissies!

Update lang sa thread na ito.

The father of my child firmly said that there are no more chances left for us. Ngayon ko lang din na-realize na kaya hindi din kami mag-work out is because he hasn't forgiven me after all these years. Yun unang instance na naghiwalay kami, sa akin nya sinisisi eventhough siya ang basta na lang umalis. He held on to that grudge and anger through the years, kaya din nung nagbalikan kami last year, hindi siya makapag compromise sa akin, yun pala ang reason. When we got back together, i can say that we were really happy. Until may nag-trigger na naman dun sa galit niya and it blew up. Hindi na siya naka-move on dun sa nangyari na yun. God knows i did everything i could to make things work. Maski nga alam ko na hindi lang ako ang may kasalanan, inaako ko na lang para matahimik siya.

I also found out that there might be someone else na. Though i do not have a direct confirmation, mas okay siguro na isipin ko nalang na may iba na para din makapag move on na ako. All he said is that "gusto niya ayusin yung buhay niya" and me being there isn't helping. He even said na "pasakit" lang daw ako sa kanya.

He even told me that one day makakapag usap kami ng maayos, ng hindi nagtatalo at nag aaway. That he is going to fix his life.

I just want to start my life again, but i really don't know how. I have no idea where to start.

fifi_girl

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Re: Current Situation - need your POV/Advice!
« Reply #34 on: May 26, 2020, 01:18:59 pm »
^^Sis Girltalker, ngayon ko lang nabasa yung reply mo hehe.
Well, yan na din yung noon ko pa naiisip. That there is really something off sa kanya.
Imagine, holding on to anger and grudge all these years. I think para sa kanya, ganun kalaki yung nagawa ko. Kase hindi nasunod ang gusto niya. Para sa kanya kase, importante na nasusunod ang gusto niya.

 


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