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Sex & Relationships => Married Life => Topic started by: Awesomecakes on March 11, 2019, 06:42:55 pm

Title: NEED YOUR HELP. Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Awesomecakes on March 11, 2019, 06:42:55 pm
Hi sissies. Just wanted to get your thoughts. It's been more than a year since I found out about my husband's infidelity. I must admit, there are days that I still think about it but I try not to bring it up since it would only end up with an argument. But there are days that I feel like the pain's still here and he makes me feel I don't have the right to be hurt since it's part of the past.

To be fair with him, he was very eager to regain my trust. He chose us.  He asked for forgiveness. He promised that he'll do everything and anything to make our marriage work. But now, I can't help but think is it just because that I was pregnant when I found out about it and too weak to handle the situation? Why do I feel like what he did to win me back is not enough? But for him, he has done everything and it's just me who can't move on?

A part of me still wants to fix our marriage. But I feel so lost now and I don't know myself anymore. I don't know where to start. We're still living together, staying in one bed but I don't feel loved anymore. We've been sexless for months now. I can even count on my one hand the number of times we did it in the last year. I tried to bring it up but he said we're just too busy and tired. I just feel like he's totally lost his interest and he's no longer attracted to me.

No one knows about how I feel right now and what happened in the past even my family and closest friends. I decided to keep it to protect him and our family.  I feel so alone. :(

What should I do?
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: iceheaven31 on March 12, 2019, 10:31:10 am
Have you undergone marriage counselling? Minsan, hindi kayang kayong dalawa lang ang magresolba ng ganitong problema. Baka may mga bagay pa na hindi niyo maidentify that needs more fixing.

And also, take one day at a time. Probably a year is not yet enough. Do not rush yourself.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: nerddict on March 12, 2019, 10:50:02 am
^Hays. Hugs sis. Please do not be afraid mag-open up sa mga closest and trusted friends mo. It will help, trust me. Plus prayers. Kapit lang kay Lord. Learn to lift things to the Lord para yung burden na nararamdaman mo, gumaan kahit papaano.

I know people na kahit isang dekada na ang incident of fidelity, hindi pa din nakakalimutan yung nangyari. It takes time talaga. Everyday you need to make a choice. Pero isaalang-alang mo din ang sarili mo sa pagpili mo sis.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: NinaSarah on March 13, 2019, 07:26:47 pm
my story sa loob ng 22 years namin..
tinago ko lang lahat to the point nagkasakit ako. depression, panic attack, anxiety. cycle lang. mahuli.. babalik.. patawarin.. uulit ulit..
now pagod na rin ako.. i am now 45yo. planning to leave him na this year.

payo ko lang, if d na masaya, if wala ng tiwala, maghiwalay na lang..
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: lilu on March 14, 2019, 11:06:15 am
Hi sis, kailangan magpakatatag ka if you decide to stay. Masyadong long process ang pag recover after infidelity. Lalo na't hindi mo nakikitaan ng effort ang lalaki to make it up to you. Minsan nagsasama lang kayo for the sake of the kids, or minsan dependent ang wife because no work, no income to start, and lastly hindi nya alam kung saan sya pupulitin. Actually, Ive been there before pero may mga dahilan din ako kung bakit di ako umalis. Ang laki kasi ng i-ninvest kong panahon to build our family... sacrificing time, career etc.. Tapos hahayaan kong masira lang pinaghirapan kong mabuo? No, hindi ako sumuko.

Parang nagdaan sa butas ng karayom yung husband ko to gain my trust. Ilang years din yun. Napatawad ko din naman sya and he promised to fix things and patch it up. Nag adjust din ako sa mga pagkukulang ko, nag ayus-ayos ako. And alam mo sis sa sobrang over thinker ko, naiisip ko mga mangyayari once I choose to stay or leave. Madami nakong scenario na naisip pero mas maganda kung nag stay ako. Mas maganda din kumausap ng kaibigan. One or two will do just to keep you sane. Kailangan mo ng kausap sis. Kasi sila din yung magbibigay sayo ng consequences kung ginawa mo ito, ganyan... keep yourself busy or pamper youself din, at syempre magpakatatag ka.
 

Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: bwiset12 on March 16, 2019, 12:47:38 am
Saktong napa gt ako at maghahanap talaga ko ng ganitong topic.
Almost 6 years na din ang nakakalipas ng malagpasan ko ang isa sa malaking trial na nangyari sa buhay ko. Yun ay nung nangaliwa si partner. Pinatawad ko naman na sya. Maayos naman kami. Pero mahirap makalimot. LDR kami. LDR din kami nung nangyari yun at buntis ako sa bunso namin nung naganap yun.
After 1 year ng affair nagbalik loob. Tinanggap ko naman, yun lang naanakan nya yung kabit nya.
Siguro kaya din di ako maka get over, kasi nagkaron ng bunga. Hanggang ngayon parating naiisip ko pa din mga ginawa nya. Pero sinasarili ko na lang. Bihirang bihira ako mag open sa kanya kasi nga naman para sa kanya tapos naman na yun. Himala na lang siguro kung  makakalimutan ko pa yun. Grabe lang talaga ang epekto. Mahirap na din talagang magtiwala pa.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: shelly ohhh!! on March 22, 2019, 02:03:59 pm
Joining.. :) Hi mga Sis, ako super fresh pa. Kahapon ko lang nalaman na nagloloko na naman asawa ko. The girl confess me. Hindi lang ito yung unang beses na ginawa nya.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: mizizlim on March 29, 2019, 04:03:39 pm
joining. :(

it?s been 2 years for me. ok naman kami, still together. but there are times talaga na hindi maiwasan maisip pa din yung pangyayari na yun. sa totoo lang, i am still lost and sad. alam ko nararamdaman yun ni hubby. nagtatry naman sya pero i think nasa akin na din ang problema minsan. i feel din na nagsasawa na sya sa pagpapasensya sakin pero di talaga ako maka get over.

lagi ko na lang talaga ipinagdadasal na paggising ko sa umaga ok na ako.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: three8one on April 14, 2019, 03:40:34 pm
^ don't cry ma'am. be strong and courageous dapat, para harapin yan trials ninyo sa buhay. sabi mo nga nag sisikap naman si hubs mo.. don't despair, keep on praying until something good happen.  :)
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: gracita13 on April 16, 2019, 03:14:18 pm
Hi sis Awesomecakes! it's been almost 5years nung naranasan ko yan. Hindi madali,imagine halos 1year kameng hindi nag uusap kasi pag nag usap kame mauuwi lang sa away. Sa 1year namen na hindi nag uusap inayos ko yung relationship ko ke God and have a personal relationship with Jesus.Kung hindi ko naintindihan yung forgiveness na binigay saken ni God hindi ko kaya on my own patawarin ang husband ko, i fell out of love sa sobrang sakit cause ng infidelity and Praise God, He restored our marriage!
Sis, gusto ko lang i-share yung sinabe nung napanood ko about forgiveness.
" Forgiveness is not a one time, big time thing... Forgiveness is a choice and everytime you feel the pain, choose to forgive again, and again and again."

Receive God's forgiveness so you can forgive others, Sis. You cannot give what you don' t have.

I'll pray for you.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: preciousjulia on April 17, 2019, 01:58:34 pm
Ang hindi ko maintindihan sa mga lalaki na yan bakit sila nagagalit if may mga times na nagbabalik yung doubts natin sa kanila.
Sino ba gustong masira ang tiwala?
Sino ba ang gustong masaktan?
Pagkatapos nila mag sorry gusto nila ok na?
Yung iba nga sa kanila kung hindi pa nahuli hindi naman kusang titigil sa ginagawa..
Ang gusto lang naman natin minsan ay assurance lang ulit...
Kahit simpleng salita o yakap lang diba..hindi yung sasabayan pa tayo at mag gagalit galitan din.
Oo tinanggap at pinatawad ulit sila, pero hindi naman yun as easy as one to three,
Babalik at babalik ulit tayo minsan dun sa araw na nasaktan tayo at babalik yung mga tanong sa isip natin at dun natin sila higit na kailangan.
Yung husband ko nga sabi ko sa kanya kung hindi nya kayang tagalan yung drama ko tuwing naaalala ko yung ginawa nya, dalawa lang yun... Una, hindi nya dapat ginawa yun in the first place dahil alam nyang mali or second, just leave..and buti naman wala sa choice nya ang leave :D
At dahil nga nagawa nya yun he needs to make an effort na i-assured ako everytime I feel down and emotional tuwing naaalala ko yun..at dahil nakikita at feel ko naman effort at sincerity nya ginagawa ko naman din yung part ko as his wife and to make our marriage work also.
Mahirap gawin yun sa ating mga wife kung yung mga partner natin hindi naman binibigay yung assurance na kailangan natin.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: three8one on April 17, 2019, 03:31:33 pm
Yung husband ko nga sabi ko sa kanya kung hindi nya kayang tagalan yung drama ko tuwing naaalala ko yung ginawa nya, dalawa lang yun... Una, hindi nya dapat ginawa yun in the first place dahil alam nyang mali or second, just leave..and buti naman wala sa choice nya ang leave :D

pero dapat ma'am hindi rin nagbibigay ng option mga babae na "leave" sa mga lalake kung ayaw din ni babae talaga na umalis si husband/partner. minsan or madalas patola mga lalake o kaya yun lang yung hinihintay na que para gawin ng mga guys yun. baka sa huli mabaliktad na pangyayari, mga babae na may kasalanan, pag gumulo na ng husto ang sitwasyon. hehe!

just my 2 cents.  ;D
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: preciousjulia on April 17, 2019, 03:49:48 pm
^ For me lang ha..kung patola at mag leave sya it only proves na kaya nya ginawa na ibreak yung trust ko kasi hindi ako mahalaga sa kanya. Eh di tapos agad ang usapan, hindi yung sorry kunwari para lang wala ng pag awayan tapos pag naalala ni wife yung nangyari sya pa galit. Hindi ko naman sasabihin yun kung hindi ko mean. Tahimik akong tao pero once na nagsalita ako pinag-aralan ko muna yung sasabihin ko at actions ko. Natuwa lang ako kasi inako nya talaga yung responsibility na ayusin, pinaramdam nya sakin sincere sya to work things out between us ;)
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: three8one on April 17, 2019, 06:02:11 pm
^ okay ma'am. buti na lang mahalaga at love na love kayo ng husband mo.  :)

Salamat sa pag share ng opinion mo.  :)
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: naizlabonita on April 17, 2019, 11:30:05 pm
You can do it sis..its been 2 years mula nun nalaman ko yung sa partner ko and honestly wala na hehe..wala na kong pakiramdam nakalimutan ko na..well di ko nalimutan pero parang time will help you heal talaga.. basta wag nyo na pag usapan lalo kung pinili ninyong magsama pa din at iwork out ang things.. it works.. pero dun sa mga hinde na talaga kinaya e ganun talaga eh..nag give up na..anyways..sa part ko napaka laking tulong nung nagtry ako magdivert ng attention ko.. di ako pala make up nuon pero now natuto ako parang dun ako nag focus imbes na isipin ko yung mga problema ko sakanya nag make up make up ako hehe..ending may mga nagkagustu pa sakin so nagagalit partner ko..parang atleast nafeel nya din yung nafeel ko nuon hehe basta I suggest you find new things to do and wag isipin yung negative although di yan maiiwasan pero itry mo iminimize
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: preciousjulia on April 22, 2019, 10:09:58 am
^ okay ma'am. buti na lang mahalaga at love na love kayo ng husband mo.  :)

Salamat sa pag share ng opinion mo.  :)

This! For the longest time sobrang solid ng trust ko sa asawa ko kasi naman ang asikaso nya samin ng daughter ko at sa amin dalawa mas malambing sya sakin. Kaya ako in return sinusunod ko din mga gusto nya and umiiwas ako sa mga bagay na pwede magbigay ng doubt sa kanya. Well, i guess dadating talaga ang time na medyo maliligwak ang mga asawa natin (hindi ko nilalahat). Yung nangyari, mas naging strong ako kasi naisip ko kahit gano napaka-loving ng asawa ko dadating ang mga pagsubok..although flirt flirt lang compared sa ibang sissies dito na nagloko at binahay pa mga kabit but still may nadamage.

Like sis naizalabonita said, tama ka sis agree ako na malaking tulong din na mas i-improve natin yung sarili natin..so in the long run tayo mismo we will feel good about ourselves. And mababawasan yung mga doubts natin and mag-aattract tayo ng positivity :) I feel empowered knowing na kaya kong gawin and magdecide sa mga bagay on my own, unlike before na sunod lang ako kay hubby ;) and hubby respects that. :)
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Lady.Doloroso on April 23, 2019, 05:29:08 pm
Hi sis! If both of you are willing to work it out, I suggest magundergo kayo ng counseling. We did it sa CEFAM, sa loob ng Ateneo. Naalala ko pa sinabi sa amin nung counselor, kung siya daw mag analyze sa situation namin ng hubby ko, we will not make it. Pero nakadepende pa rin daw sa amin yun.

True enough, we made it. Hindi madali pero everything is worth it. Lalo na kung mahal niyo pa ang isa't isa at yung willingness ninyo na maayos kayo. Eto yung sinasabi dun sa vow natin nung mga kinasal tayo, for better or for worse. Hindi madali magpatawad or makalimot pero possible. Kelangan mo lang tulungan sarili mo at yung hubby mo din.

If nagpapakita yung husband mo na nagsisisi na talaga siya, give him a chance. If nandun yung effort, appreciate mo yun. Pareho kayong magtutulungan kung gusto nyo makalimot. Hindi lang naman ikaw ang need makalimot, yung husband mo din para mabalik ninyo yung dati niyong samahan.


Lalo na kung may mga anak kayo, isipin na lang natin yung mg anak natin. Yung sacrifice na ginagawa natin eh para sa ikakasaya at sa peace of mind ng mga anak natin na kumpleto ang family nila.

Alam ko sobrang sakit niya, yung pride, yung feeling na gusto mong bumawi. Pero lahat ng yun di makakatulong. Kelangan mo rin magdecide, ano ba talaga ang gusto nyong mag asawa. If nagdecide kayo na tuloy, then unti unti kayo bumangon, TOGETHER. Wag yung, ikaw may kasalanan kaya dapat iplease mo ako or dapat ganto, dapat ganyan.

Napanood mo na ba sis ang The Love Affair nina Dawn Zulueta at Richard Gomez? Maganda yung movie na yun. Though si Dawn ang nagloko pero madami kang mapupulot na aral about family.

Pray, sis. God will lead you to healing.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: preciousjulia on April 24, 2019, 08:19:04 am
Hi sis! If both of you are willing to work it out, I suggest magundergo kayo ng counseling. We did it sa CEFAM, sa loob ng Ateneo. Naalala ko pa sinabi sa amin nung counselor, kung siya daw mag analyze sa situation namin ng hubby ko, we will not make it. Pero nakadepende pa rin daw sa amin yun.

True enough, we made it. Hindi madali pero everything is worth it. Lalo na kung mahal niyo pa ang isa't isa at yung willingness ninyo na maayos kayo. Eto yung sinasabi dun sa vow natin nung mga kinasal tayo, for better or for worse. Hindi madali magpatawad or makalimot pero possible. Kelangan mo lang tulungan sarili mo at yung hubby mo din.

If nagpapakita yung husband mo na nagsisisi na talaga siya, give him a chance. If nandun yung effort, appreciate mo yun. Pareho kayong magtutulungan kung gusto nyo makalimot. Hindi lang naman ikaw ang need makalimot, yung husband mo din para mabalik ninyo yung dati niyong samahan.



Lalo na kung may mga anak kayo, isipin na lang natin yung mg anak natin. Yung sacrifice na ginagawa natin eh para sa ikakasaya at sa peace of mind ng mga anak natin na kumpleto ang family nila.

Alam ko sobrang sakit niya, yung pride, yung feeling na gusto mong bumawi. Pero lahat ng yun di makakatulong. Kelangan mo rin magdecide, ano ba talaga ang gusto nyong mag asawa. If nagdecide kayo na tuloy, then unti unti kayo bumangon, TOGETHER. Wag yung, ikaw may kasalanan kaya dapat iplease mo ako or dapat ganto, dapat ganyan.


Pray, sis. God will lead you to healing.

^This! I like what you've said sis. Very helpful. Tumpak na tumpak. Eto din tina-try ko i-mind set sa sarili ko. Very well said sis :) Thanks!
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Lady.Doloroso on April 24, 2019, 02:36:07 pm
^This! I like what you've said sis. Very helpful. Tumpak na tumpak. Eto din tina-try ko i-mind set sa sarili ko. Very well said sis :) Thanks!


Thanks, Sis! Been there, done that. :)
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: ruelala86 on May 17, 2019, 09:46:45 am
Hi sissies. Sadly, I'm joining this thread to get more insights.
 
Everything is still fresh and ang dami dami ko ng binasa online to help me understand and recover. I'm glad I found GT and real women who share their experiences.

We are newly weds, together for 8 years before tying the knot and tomorrow is our 9th month. It?s been a week since he confessed pero ang hirap makuha sa kanya yun totoo. Last month Black Saturday, I received an FB message from a person na hindi ko kilala saying na may kabit ang asawa ko. Syempre di ako makapaniwala, sobrang tiwala ko sa kanya. Di ko alam ang gagawin ko. I tried to strategize pano ko mahuhuli. Sa lahat ng binasa ko ang sabi wag magpadala at maging emotional, gather proof. Pero di ko kinaya. He was out with friends, masama pakiramdam ko nun at tinawagan ko sya agad. At pauwi na raw sya. In short I confronted him that night and he denied it. Andaming nasabi. Inamin ko rin sya kanya na felt something was wrong and it crossed my mind few months back pa na he might be having an affair. Pero naniwala pa rin ako sa kanya na hindi totoo at may mga naninira lang sa kanya dun sa dati nyang company. He transferred to a new company kasi 2 weeks after we were married.

Weeks passed and hindi ako makampante. Hindi na namin napag usapan. Nagreresearch pa ako anong pwedeng gawin. I tried putting a tracking app sa phone nya. But sa hirap ng installation naubusan ako ng time at hindi nagstealth mode yung app. In short napansin nya may ginawa ako sa phone so nabuking ako. Hindi kame nakapag usap agad nun because of work. Until he opened up the topic on a Friday night. Again, mahabang usapan. Very emotional on my part  and until umamin sya there was someone  before we got married (unnamed person)  pero it was more of talking/ flirting and he defined it as emotional cheating. Syempre masakit kahit ano pa ang definition nun. The following day, I kept pushing and pushing, asking for more details na ayaw nyang ibigay. His point is tapos na yun, he was sorry, sobrang apologetic and he wanted to move on ayusin namin. Pero makulit ako until he admitted the truth. Totoo yung sinabi sa FB na may kabit  sya  pero tapos na raw, and again ayaw nyang magbigay ng details. He said he doesn?t want to hurt me more with the details, kasi it?s his fault, nagkamali sya, inaako nya, pero tapos na raw, he asked and begged for my forgiveness pero di ko pa mabigay. Ups and downs of emotions throughout that long weekend. Until I pieced things together sa mga nasabi nya. He met his Millennial Kabit sa dati nyang office, it started with tuksuhan, tapos gradually kwentuhan. From there nag-evolve, sya raw nangulit kay MK at sya ang nagpursue. May physical encounters and nagkaroon ng emotional attachment.  At yung sinasabi nyang matagal ng tapos, ay last month lang pala.

Ang sakit. The betrayal, the lost of trust. Ang sakit, because we lost so much these past 10 months as a couple and we could have started a family na sana. At ang dami kong realizations.
Trust your gut feel. Totoo ang women?s intuition I felt something was wrong early into our marriage kasi I didn?t get that newlywed feeling and andaming wala from him and us. I noticed little things din but I ignored it.

Humahanga ako sa mga wives na kayang hindi maging emotional. Nag-iisip muna, gather evidence etc. at kung dumating ang confrontation composed pa rin.

Dumating si MK just before we got married. Alam nya nag may GF at ikakasal na that time pero pumatol pa rin siya at tinuloy tuloy pa rin nila even after kameng ikinasal.

I kicked him out kasi di ko kayang tanggapin and nangyari kay MK. Sa sobrang galit ko sa kanila dalawa, nagpadala ako ng email kay MK & copied published email adds ng company nila. No sordid details but a life lesson for a Millennial Kabit. Para malaman nya that her actions have consequences. I cannot accept that she's a victim here because she knew from the start. It was consensual on her part, hindi sapilitan yun. Pumasok sya ng kusa sa ganong sitwasyon at dahil ba nagkabukingan na, VICTIM na rin sya?!

And that email was meant to hurt him and her, and in my anger, consequences be damned. Maybe in time, I might regret it, but in that moment narelease ko lahat ng anger ko sa kanilang dalawa and it helped.  Mas nakakausap ko na ng mahinanon ngaun ang asawa ko. Pero I know na may resistance sa part nya, kasi he got hurt and angry sa ginawa ko. Disappointed raw sya.

Now, I?m a mess of emotions, still left confused, angry and hurt. It?s a cycle na parang masisiraan na ako ng bait.  My husband and I are still communicating and he comes to the condo after work then uuwi sa nanay nya after. We talk a little bit but we don?t know what to do yet. We said so many things, and ang daming realizations about us individually and as a couple. We will try counselling, or at least mag seek muna ng advice how to start and decide from there. Kung kaya pang i-save, we are hoping for the best.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Lady.Doloroso on May 17, 2019, 12:50:54 pm
I feel you sis.
Wag mo pilitin ang sarili mo, kasi kahit anong gawin mo hindi talaga mawawala yan sa ngayon.
It?s a rollercoaster of emotions, iiyak ka, magiging ok, maalala mo, iiyak ka ulet.

I can relate to you sis, kasi months after we got married dun din nagkaroon ng fling husband ko eh.
We got married 2010, from then up to 2012 ang daming beses ko na siya nahuli.
Hindi siya emotional cheating, puro fling but the hurt is the same.
Lagi ko siya nahuhuli, nakakabaliw talaga. Lahat ng nararamdaman mo normal yan, ganyan talaga ang pinagdadaanan. Unexplainable ang feeling. Yung tipo bang gusto mo talaga sila gantihan.
Ginawa ko rin yan. Nahuli ko siya may kachat at naglalandian sila. I I forwarded yung conversation nila sa mga officemates nila, para mapahiya sila. And tama ka, at first masarap sa pakiramdam kasi gusto mo talaga makaganti eh.


Wala makakatulong sa inyong dalawa kung hindi kayo ring dalawa.
Yung husband mo dapat maintindihan ka niya sa pinagdadaanan mo.
Ikaw naman, if you feel gusto mo pa at may pag-asa pa kayo maayos, wag mo rin ialis yun sa sarili mo.
Be open for forgiveness. If he really deserves the 2nd chance, sana wag mo ipagkait yun because of pride.
Isa rin sa realizations ko, don?t hurt him because he hurt you. It won?t help kasi habang nasasaktan ka, sasaktan mo siya, lalo mo sinasaktan mo rin ang sarili mo.
Focus on the issue which hurt you and not on the things that will hurt your husband.
It will be a never ending hurt na ikaw lang lalo ang mahihirapan.

Pray.. Kung hindi na talaga kaya, pray to God and He will take over.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Awesomecakes on September 26, 2019, 02:34:55 pm
Thank you everyone for your messages. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, the same nightmare happened again but with a another 'other woman'. Just found about it a couple of months ago and I've been trying to keep it to myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I have lost my trust not only with him but to everyone else cause I feel like I'll be judged because of my decisions. :(
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: J.warner on September 27, 2019, 05:45:32 am
^ hi Awesomecakes,
Mahirap nga yan if kasal kayo & may anak pa. Its really up to you if kaya mo pa sya tolerate. Usually mga ganyang lalake, uulit at uulit.
Aside from emotional and mental trauma (trust issues), you also have to worry of sex related diseases like std he might get from having different women.
Ako personally I can not tolerate that. Better maghiwalay, but you have to be honest with your family and his kung bakit. Tell the truth and move on. At the end of the day, your peace of mind is all that matters.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: missclary on October 07, 2019, 01:20:58 pm
It?s been a year but I?m still recovering. Alam nyo when your heart starts thumping fast kapag may madiscover ka na naman na something na baka nagcheat na naman asawa mo. Emotional cheating, kahit wala namang nangyari sa kanila (according to him) pero gusto nya sana. Sobrang sakit.

Recently I discovered na nagpunta pala sila ng officemates nya sa isang night club sa Q Ave. And you know the ones na may massage parlors/spa on the side, last year.  Now I don?t know if nagpamassage din sya or just went there to watch and have fun, but i know my husband, talo sya pag peer pressure. Napipilitan, and first time kasi, so I know andun yung urge na maexperience. From what I read, he was thankful na nagawa daw nila yun magkakaibigan. Ang sakit di ba. Tinago nya sakin for a year. I think impromptu bachelor?s party nila yun for a friend. He could?ve asked me if pwede sya, I would?ve said yes. Ok lang to watch but no touching sana. Pero hindi eh, he kept it from me. And now nagseset na naman sila ng friends nya to go back there at magsama pa ng iba para ?mabinyagan? na yung iba.  What does that even mean in guy language? Hay. Now I can?t tell him pa kasi I?m observing pa. I?m a stay at home mom, we have 1 toddler with special needs.

And so now I?m shattered again, I thought I was ok na pero unti unti na naman nya akong sinisira without knowing. Ubos na self confidence ko. At di ko na kilala sarili ko everytime I interact with him pretending there?s nothing wrong.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: TomHansen on October 07, 2019, 10:17:15 pm
^ wag mo nang hintayin may gawin siya, kausapin mo na agad para alam niyang di ok sa iyo mga ganyang gawain - mas masakit para sa iyo kung hihintayin mo pang gawin niya kalokohan niya.. Pati yung "ok lang magwatch basta no touch" tigilan mo yan kasi diyan nagsisimula yan, kung di mo pagbabawalan ngayon saan pa ba mapupunta yan kung hindi sa pagtataksil(if hindi pa).

Tandaan mo sis na kung ano man ang mga ginawa/ginagawa niyang kabulastugan siya yun, hindi ikaw ang may mali, hindi ikaw ang nagsasala, hindi ikaw ang may pagkukulang kaya sana hindi ikaw ang mawalan ng self confidence. The more pa nga ngayon na dapat magtiwala ka sa sarili mo dahil who knows anong mangyayari sa marriage niyo kung di magbago asawa mo.. Aja aja fighting! :)
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: missclary on October 08, 2019, 11:05:55 pm
Thank you sis sa advice. Tama ka nga sis mas ok siguro kung sabihin ko sa kanya na alam ko yung ginawa nya. For sure magagalit din yun at sasabihin na bakit nagbabasa ako ng mga chats nya haha hay nako. Pero may kasalanan din sya dahil bakit nya tinago sakin, di man lang nabanggit halos isang taon na nakalipas pala, alam naman nyang wala na kong tiwala sa kanya.

Ano ba ang magandang opening? Pagdating kasi sa confrontation nauubusan ako ng words, naiiyak na lang talaga ako. Dinidismiss nya lang lagi kasi, na ang shallow lang raw kesyo hindi naman talaga sya nagcheat etc. Btw, this is his fourth time na may ginawa na nakasakit sakin. Yung una is sinabihan nya yung officemate friend nya sa work chat nila na ang sexy nya, second is he was thinking of asking his friend ( i know the girl blockmate namin nung college) na nagkkwento Kay hubby ng mga sexcapades nya, if the girl wants to have sex with him. siguro nadala sya sa mga kwento ni girl. But di nya natuloy tanungin si girl dahil parang kinonsensya sya ng guy friend nya. Third is going to the bar with his friends during the time na akala ko nasa work sya (night shift sya) to drink and then ending up sharing their table with girls and flirting. He got drunk and spent the night at his friend?s house. Which i saw na it?s true naman. Though not sure kung baka may nangyari pang iba that night. Nalaman ko lang to when the next day he was on a chat conversation  with the girl na nakasama nila that night, like the getting to know you convo then binlock na nya the same day. Siguro para di ko makita kaso nakita ko eh. And then this going to a night club naman. Honestly parang di ko na kilala asawa ko, haha. Parang may ibang side sya na di ko alam. At para akong ewan na kapag confrontation na iyak na lang ng iyak. I need to be sronger kaya thank you at may ganitong forum for women like me na confused at need ng advice.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: TomHansen on October 09, 2019, 07:01:29 pm
^ ganun naman mga lokong lalaki ibabalik pa sayo yung galit para lang mapagtakpan or maiba yung issue. Wag mong isipin na magagalit siya dahil binasa mo chat niya, kasalanan niya di niya nilockscreen hehe, at maliit na bagay lang yun compare sa mga ginawa niya.. And it doesn't matter if para sa kanya hindi cheating mga ginagawa niya dahil ikaw ang asawa at ikaw ang naaapektuhan - if para sa iyo cheating ginagawa niya cheating yun.. Kung ako tatanungin cheating mga yun ang magsasabi lang ng hindi is yung mga cheaters din na gumagawa nun.. :D

Hmm sa tingin ko diretsuhin mo na agad siya sa feelings mo sa mga ginawa niya para bago ka pa umiyak nailabas mo na pinakaimportante mong sasabihin.. Kapag nagdahilan na naman siya na di cheating yun or shallow lang sabihin mo "NO!!", na di na pwede BS reasons niya. Hindi mo kailangang ipaliwanag sa kanya na cheating ginawa niya because for you it is at kailangan niyang tigilan pagiging unfaithful niya. Ipaintindi mo rin sa kanya na every time nagccheat siya sa iyo nagccheat din siya sa anak niyo.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Ann_2128 on December 10, 2019, 05:15:23 pm
I just recently discovered that my husband did it again - paying for sex (gustong gusto nya yung mga estudyanteng binubugaw) . Two years ago he was involved in the same activity for almost 1 year - di sya tumigil kahit alam nyang alam ko na. kahit ilang beses ko na syang nahuli.. Its a cycle..mahuhuli..hihingi ng tawad..titigil.. then babalik ulit sa dati. Everytime na nahuhuli ko sya parang napaka among tupa.. Lahat ng pngako ginagawa.. Minsan naiisip ko.. manhid na yata ako sa mga ginagawa nya.. pero nandun pa rin ang sakit. sabi nya, wala naman daw involve na feelings yun..kasi kami naman daw ng mga anak nya ang mahal nya at ayaw nya kaming mawala. Nakakasawa na rin minsan.. kung di lang mga anak ko..matagal ko na syang iniwan. Ngayon, nagmamakaawa na naman sya ng bigyan ko na naman sya ng another chance at talagang di na daw nya uulitin... Hanggan kelan ba dapat tayong magpatawad?
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Lady.Doloroso on December 11, 2019, 02:31:19 pm
I just recently discovered that my husband did it again - paying for sex (gustong gusto nya yung mga estudyanteng binubugaw) . Two years ago he was involved in the same activity for almost 1 year - di sya tumigil kahit alam nyang alam ko na. kahit ilang beses ko na syang nahuli.. Its a cycle..mahuhuli..hihingi ng tawad..titigil.. then babalik ulit sa dati. Everytime na nahuhuli ko sya parang napaka among tupa.. Lahat ng pngako ginagawa.. Minsan naiisip ko.. manhid na yata ako sa mga ginagawa nya.. pero nandun pa rin ang sakit. sabi nya, wala naman daw involve na feelings yun..kasi kami naman daw ng mga anak nya ang mahal nya at ayaw nya kaming mawala. Nakakasawa na rin minsan.. kung di lang mga anak ko..matagal ko na syang iniwan. Ngayon, nagmamakaawa na naman sya ng bigyan ko na naman sya ng another chance at talagang di na daw nya uulitin... Hanggan kelan ba dapat tayong magpatawad?

Kapag paulet ulet na, hindi mo na madistinguish kung pinapatawad mo pa nga ba siya or nagiging routine na lang sayo yung pangyayari. Kasi kahit anong pagmamahal mo sa isang tao, kapag paulit ulit na, magsasawa at mapapagod ka rin eh. Aside kasi sa panloloko or trust issues, mas masakit yung mas ginagawa ka pang t*nga. Yung inaabuso ka na, kasi alam nila na mapapatawad mo sila. Siguro ako, pag dumating sa point na ganyan, hindi na ako magsasalita. May sense pa ba? Matatanda na tayo, alam na natin ang tama at mali. Pinili mo na naman yung mali, ano pang explanation ang kelangan dun.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Girltalker2 on December 14, 2019, 11:29:53 am
^^ sorry sis to hear your situation

Nakakainis mga lalaking paulit ulit. I don?t know what to say but I can sympathise. Sana Maging maayos lahat sa inyo. I remember praying hard when I was in that situation.

Pray lang sis and surrender everything to Him. Maging kayo or not, just pray to God, Hindi ka nya papabayaan.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Shadow Angel on December 14, 2019, 01:47:39 pm
^^dahil hindi ko kaya ang sobrang stress hindi ko kaya magbigay ng second chance sa cheating. Life is too short sis para mastress ka for a long term. Alam ko madaling sabihin pero ang solution lang talaga dyan iwan mo na.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: simang on December 14, 2019, 03:43:08 pm
He that deceives me once, its his fault; but if twice, its my fault.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: glamorosa_09 on December 15, 2019, 08:01:24 pm
Quote from: Anne_2128
kahit ilang beses ko na syang nahuli.. Its a cycle..mahuhuli..hihingi ng tawad..titigil.. then babalik ulit sa dati.

Probably your instinct of self-preservation, wherein you protect yourself from harm, is no longer intact. Maybe it's no longer working before you get married (since childhood?), or nag wear and tear.

If you don't self-preserved, you can't put up healthy boundaries, and when you don't have boundaries, people -- in this case your husband -- will keep on violating you over and over again.

What I can suggest before you trust him again is to require him to be checked by a professional, baka may sex addiction. If he doesn't do anything about it, ikaw na bahala, because he's not gonna change. It's your choice naman whether to stay or leave.
Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Awesomecakes on January 15, 2020, 07:14:12 pm
Thanks everyone for your messages.
Please don't judge me if I chose to stay with my husband. Although I'll be honest, I don't know if I can still trust him again. What I know is - I want my family intact but I how can I do that if I'm too broken. I am still having nightmares. It's been years from the first time he cheated and half a year since he did it for the second time. I can see he's doing he's best to fix everything but I just feel like may kulang. Is it right ba to expect more from him to fix my insecurities? Like words of affirmation? or sex? I feel like hindi na siya attracted sakin lke the way he;s attracted to his ex. Ewan ko I'm just paranoid siguro.

I want to consult a doctor and maybe start from there. I tried going to CEFAM but it didn't work for me. I felt like I'm being forced to fix our marriage without fixing my self first. Or maybe it's just me who has a problem. I don't know. I'm so lost.

We're okay right now. Doing our own thing and usual routine as a family. We go out together, attend family gatherings, attend to our son's needs but I feel like may kulang parin.

Title: Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
Post by: Lady.Doloroso on January 16, 2020, 11:25:01 am
Thanks everyone for your messages.
Please don't judge me if I chose to stay with my husband. Although I'll be honest, I don't know if I can still trust him again. What I know is - I want my family intact but I how can I do that if I'm too broken. I am still having nightmares. It's been years from the first time he cheated and half a year since he did it for the second time. I can see he's doing he's best to fix everything but I just feel like may kulang. Is it right ba to expect more from him to fix my insecurities? Like words of affirmation? or sex? I feel like hindi na siya attracted sakin lke the way he;s attracted to his ex. Ewan ko I'm just paranoid siguro.

I want to consult a doctor and maybe start from there. I tried going to CEFAM but it didn't work for me. I felt like I'm being forced to fix our marriage without fixing my self first. Or maybe it's just me who has a problem. I don't know. I'm so lost.

We're okay right now. Doing our own thing and usual routine as a family. We go out together, attend family gatherings, attend to our son's needs but I feel like may kulang parin.

Naiintindihan kita if you chose to stay. Nung time ko nga, wala pa kaming anak pero nandun din yung gustong gusto mo ipaglaban yung kasal kahit ramdam ko sa asawa k na ok lang kung tuluyan na akong humiwalay, but I didn't give up.

It takes time to be fully healed, pareho kayo magtutulungan. In my case, pinakita talaga sa akin ng asawa ko na wala na at nagbago na siya. Then, sa part ko naman kahit anong hirap binalik ko unti unti yung trust ko sa kanya, and I didn't look back. It's easier said than done but proven na workable.

That was 6 years ago at di pa naman umuulit. Kaya sana yung husband mo eh maging totoo na sayo para tuloy tuloy na rin paggaling mo.