Author Topic: Can men get too attached to someone he is having casual sex with regularly?  (Read 97619 times)

Paulo

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I think I understand what you're trying to say, Masato. You feel good about sex. You feel comfortable about casual, uncommitted sex. You're fine with the rather loose set-up. Yeah, just like a GUY. .... You and I, we should Womanize together. ;)

Seriously now, ..... I guess, unlike most women, you don't stop to consider getting served the Raw End of the Deal, because like you said so yourself, you can justify your way out of having to feel guilty.

Sex, although usually an Activity filled with Emotions to the typical woman, is nothing more than a Physical Activity to You.

What should you do?

Nothing. We like you as you are. :)

.... But that isn't very helpful, right? ;) Oh okay.

Unless you are a young lady who uses sex to fit in. Or someone who allows to be used just to be accepted by the object of her affection, then you are probably one of those Open Minded women. Liberated and Open Minded Women who I don't know .... Probably do not see why they can lose out in anything that they do not take seriously.

I dare to say that women with such an attitude really do exist. The problem is, such attitude changes in time.

Usual stage lang yan in most cases. Parang when one is younger mas matapang, mas carefree, mas bold. It happens ha. In fact, Women who are in this stage are the ones who qualify as FUBUs.

To digress a bit ... Yung iba kasing lalaki when the concept of FUBU became popular, they forced women to be FUBUs para lang masabing may FUBU. :) Yung may semi-commitment sila, may casual relationship, or pinaaasa yung girl. A set-up that disqualifies the relationship from being a true-blue FUBU set-up.

A real FUBU is someone who just has sex for the convenience of it, and doesn't entertain nor look forward to any further relationship with his/her FUBU partner. Someone who can detach the emotions that usually come with a sexual relationship.

I guess you are one of them ..... Which should give you about a dozen or so Private Messages from the Pervert Members of this community. ;) But I guess you really are one.

Up until you come to realize that you don't want to put up with such an activity any longer, then I think that what you feel right now makes you a Liberated woman who believes that a Casual sex is surely a lot better than a "pretend-we're-committed-and-we-care-about-each-other" sex. :)

I hope explained it. :)

« Last Edit: April 19, 2010, 08:01:40 pm by Paulo »
Expecting the World to treat you fairly just because you are a good person is a lot like expecting a Bull not to Charge just because you're vegetarian.

masato

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wow, dats a mouthful! thanks for the advice. ;D

yup, sex is good. what girl doesn't want that, khit d nla aminin they want that? pass muna k sa womenize with u paolo. ::) but i guess my situation qualifies as a modified fubu, he was able to get my kiliti & that's when it all began. discreet liberated ako, just to avoid the notion of being a kaladkarin girl. innocent & virgin ang notion nla skin. i've set this wall for all guys attempting to make ligaw, taray to the max ako. but if they managed to break it, all rationale goes out the window & i give in na. even if he's all wrong for me, i stand by my decision to be with that person.

maybe i have feelings for this guy, but guess what - he's already married with kids! :o but that didn't stop me from starting this so-called relationship with him. ok, i'll admit it. i super like him! :D he's really sweet & maalaga during our rendevous (puro takas nga [textspeak!]), this is why i'm all confused with his actions. plus, he's a looker! at first he texts & calls & we go on dates to the movies really like a usual boyfriend, but then it got seldom & seldom. now our "dates" usually at our favorite food place then straight to a motel, then he makes hatid to our house na. he said he lost his celphone that's why madalang n [textspeak!] mgtext, but he calls my ofc landline just to make kamusta & always say that he really missed me na. i find it sincere pro ayoko umasa, but he keeps coming back. what do you make of this behavior, can anyone explain?  ???

i guess this qualifies as a "pretend-we're-committed-and-we-care-about-each-other" sex? hehe :P

masato

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i gave him my virginity, if that makes any sense... guess you come to that point in your life that you want a change, a guy comes to sweep you off ur feet (not the fairy tale but in a kinda convoluted way) but you liked it. & you don't wanna wake up.  ;D

Paulo

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"i've set this wall for all guys attempting to make ligaw, taray to the max ako. but if they managed to break it, all rationale goes out the window & i give in na. even if he's all wrong for me, i stand by my decision to be with that person. "

Hey. Maybe there's one word that could sum all of that up. How about .... Stubborn? :)

Kidding aside, women who are open minded bout sex are very often misjudged as Easy. Who? By women themselves. :) And Men who are hoping that the 'alleged nature' will benefit them.

On the guy's confusing behavior .....

Very few guys have the necessary courage to turn their backs on good uncommitted sex. I think avoiding it, or preventing it from ever happening in the first place is a lot easier than ending what has already been a constant activity. Now the less personal contacts there are especially after sex, the better for the guy, the lighter on his conscience (if he ever listens to his ;) ), and the better for the set-up. If the idea is to have sex and not an affair, then there is really no need for dates and those relationship-tweaking stuff. Stuff that could cloud the better judgment of either parties involved and make them see something which isn't even there at all.

Don't get me wrong, such err ... Mixed Signals, are necessary for starters. A married/committed guy just can't walk to a lady, amplify his good looks, and ask for a quickie. That only works for James Bond .... and it has nothing to do with him being Single ha. ;)

So those of us who aren't James Bond have to play around a bit, make the women feel comfortable, which usually comes with common mistakes like making the attempt seem like a casual shot at courting her sort of disguised as an innocent friendly gesture. But when you're having sex already, you little by little chop off elements of the Mixed Signals, actually also as a way to let the lady know just how limited the scope of this relationship is ....  Because again, unlike James Bond, we just can't leave and fly to another country in a moments' notice. ;) Darn, British Secret Agents surely have things better. :)

The last thing a philandering married guy wants is to have a full blown affair that could ruin his marriage. Unless of course the guy really wants a wife replacement, and/or is seeking romantic attention and not just plain sex. But if were the case then he probably would have spent, at least half your time together doing other, non-sex related stuff. Like a guy-saying goes: "There is a difference between Doing Something FOR You, and Doing Something TO You' ". :)


Quote
i gave him my virginity, if that makes any sense

Let me ask you, .... Does the above act prevent you from considering other men? Does the fact that he was the 'first guy' give him more than the necessary Bonus Points?


"i guess this qualifies as a "pretend-we're-committed-and-we-care-about-each-other" sex? "

I guess it could. You seem to consider it that way. And it seemed to have started that way. With the dates, the constant communication and the works. It seems to have taken the "Affair" route at first, but I guess it eventually shifted course to something more convenient and less committed. 

I mean, do you really buy the story that he lost his phone and never managed to get a replacement? A replacement worthy of texting and calling as much as his Lost Phone could?

Do you really believe he wants to dine with you, or just feels that it's but courtesy to "feed" you first before a tiring activity? ;)

Do you believe that when he calls you, he really is concerned about your welfare and not just a prelude, intro, sale pitch, to asking you out again?

Sure, that "miss you" part should be sincere. But the reason behind it may not be the kinda reason that works for you.

My point is, in as much as it seems like a "pretend-we-care-about-each-other" relationship, I think what the guy has in mind now is more of a FUBU set-up. Which explains why the interactions leading to, and after Sex are limited. That is the whole point of a FUBU Set-up. Which again is something I call a SET-UP and never a Relationship. An Activity that has a definite purpose and a well defined scope. There is no relationship that exists beyond the sexual set-up. The conversations are but small talks, which more or less are for courtesy purposes.

Expecting the World to treat you fairly just because you are a good person is a lot like expecting a Bull not to Charge just because you're vegetarian.

masato

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Amen! ;D Reality sucks doesn't it? :P This just confirms what I've been denying, because maybe I've afraid to face it. Romantic mode pa ako, don't wanna recognize the clear signals. Eh my primary line of work p nman is to investigate & verify stuff, can't even apply it to my personal life. Hehe ;D

About the virginity stuff. I decided that it was the right time to lose it to a guy i reaally like, not just some casual loser guy I met somewhere. A very rational decision I might say, I'm not getting any younger. 8)

Wonder how long will this last? So long as I'm unattached? Huhu :-[

Hope anyone that can relate to this will learn a thing or two, I definitely did. :P

ImAguy

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masato..very good decision of losing your virginity on the guy you love..even though you're unsure of what tomorrow may bring at least for now you know the taste of heaven here on earth..heheh..for us guys..virginity doesn't matter that much anymore..unlike 1,000 years ago..the taste of a hamburger doesn't change even if somebody has had a taste of it before you did..the bad thing is if two guys are eating on the same hamburger of a girl telling them both "its only for you" LOL

masato

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[textspeak!] [textspeak!]...  8)

sheh-la22

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> ako parang di naniniwala na ang isang guy na may asawa ay maiinlove sa iba, for me, gusto lang ng guy ma thrill kase nga attached na sya sa buhay,challenge since virgin ka pa at ego booster nila yon, naghahanap lang ng mapaglilibangan or para magkaron ng spice ang kanilang buhay, pag sa asawa pa din nya yan nauwi mahal nya pamilya nya at mga anak, naghahanap lang yan ng bago sa buhay.UNLESS HIWALAY NA SILA TALAGA NG ASAWA NYA

> perhaps nakatagpo sya ng 1 babae na maii take advantage nya

> nagprepretend lang sya na nagke care sayo pero iba talaga ang motive ng ganyang tao, FUBU lalo pa't naibigay mo na sarili mo.

> at kapag na inlove ka, kaw ang LOOSER

> but its not too late, pwede ka pa magsimula uli, huwag hayaan i ruin nya ang buhay mo, iwasan mo na sya or else habang buhay ka mahu hook sa kanya at di ka na makakawala, maraming guy dyan ang mas deserving para sayo :)

> gusto mo ba na magkikita lang kayo dahil sa sex? e di ba nakakababa naman ng pagkatao yung ganon.

> pwede rin na di pa sya tapos sa pagbubuhay binata.at kaw napili nya.kahit may anak na sya.masakit yon sa wife nya at anak.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2010, 10:26:31 am by sheh-la22 »

aquacharly

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Curiosity kills the cat, buti na lang hindi ako Meow!

MASATO -- where are you now?   What are you planning to do?
                 Or no plans, just let it play out until 1 of you tires of the other, or it becomes impractical to meet up?

Aside from the fantastic sex and positive strokes/words to put you in the mood... what are you getting out of this relationship?


masato

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I guess i've learned to accept this is just a set-up, & NOT a relationship as paulo pointed out. No expectations whatsoever, just like a guy. Ewan ko ba.

Btw, 'bout his wife, what do you guys think of these (accdg. to fubu):
1.) they sleep in separate rooms & beds;
2.) he lost interest in having sex with her after developing eclampsia after the birth of their 2nd child (how sad  :(). they only have sex at least once a month;
3.) he says he doesn't love her anymore & talks 'bout her like she's a stranger or a 3rd person; and
4.) he's afraid that his children may be taken away from him if his wife finds out that his playing around.

I know there are many loopholes in his statements, but i let him be because he makes me feel good. It's pathetic but I don't see this set up as ruining his marriage if its already is ruined in the 1st place right? As long as the status quo stays, guess this thing will go on unless some1 wants out.  :P

hornboy

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nice topic, subscribing.


my answer, POV, yes its possible.
to be or not to be . . .  that is the question

chengkii

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Hi Masato - looks like there's more emotion involved than you want to admit. IMO, if you truly believe that he is just a FUBU, you wouldn't even care about what his real life looks like.

The fact that you push yourself to look sideways when his bad side comes out shows that you are only concentrating on his good side. You seem to try to control your emotions but at the same time, you find it difficult to let of him. Sometimes, we give power to the first person we surrendered ourselves to. In a way, we give them that power. And it ties us to them emotionally.

It's nice that he shares his personal life/situation with you. But if you really see him as pure FUBU, you couldn't care less. You wouldn't even think of his marriage or the possibility of ruining it or not ruining it in the first place since there is nothing to be ruined. IMHO lang ha. I am not trying to condemn you.

Anyway, just be careful. And make sure that you get your emotions under control all the time. First time mo din kasi to experience sex. So, usually, you think that if you enjoyed it, it's the best experience. Maybe, when you experience someone else, who knows how to please a girl, too, it can change.

Be safe.
For every action there is an equal reaction. :)

akthung

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possible naman...tao lang tayo...and sometimes people do the darnest things which can later turn out to be fruitful or bitter.
I'm a baby Arhat. An Arhat has a well developed intuition, advanced mental powers, highly refined emotions and a strong desire to contribute personally to the uplifting of humanity.

masato

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yeah, it's really tough but i try to keep this all in stride. although my fubu warned me @ the very start that it would be trouble to fall in love with him, he was the one who did it first! kya i was really confused, then he started to text me seldom na. then it picked up again recently. darn.  :P

flowerchild384

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yeah it's possible. i fell first even if i started the no-strings-attached setup. i was in it just for the sake of giving him the experience. i was his first time. tapos nasundan, naging regular. i never told him though until 3 months after the first time, when i was deeply attached na, nagkaaminan kami over the phone. syeeet haba ng hair ko.

pero hanggang dun lang. hindi pwede.

chengkii

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yeah it's possible. i fell first even if i started the no-strings-attached setup. i was in it just for the sake of giving him the experience. i was his first time. tapos nasundan, naging regular. i never told him though until 3 months after the first time, when i was deeply attached na, nagkaaminan kami over the phone. syeeet haba ng hair ko.

pero hanggang dun lang. hindi pwede.

Sad naman :(

yeah, it's really tough but i try to keep this all in stride. although my fubu warned me @ the very start that it would be trouble to fall in love with him, he was the one who did it first! kya i was really confused, then he started to text me seldom na. then it picked up again recently. darn.  :P

May warning naman pala. hehe. Can't blame him. Pero if it's getting bad...meaning, you are starting to develop feelings for him, ikaw lang masasaktan. So, your call pa rin naman.
For every action there is an equal reaction. :)

Chinito

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  • Forever is a lie..everything is a transitory
bottom line is.. everything is possible.
life is what we make it nga e.. so do things that make you happy and face the consequences.
there's no such thing as destiny and fate.. it is a big lie...

violetvixen17

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nope. they can detach their emotions from pleasure.. that's the sad truth

sheh-la22

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bakit di pwede MAINLOVE ang mag FUBU? asides from committed ang isa?

Chinito

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  • Forever is a lie..everything is a transitory
 ;D IMHO.. Love is the most complicated emotions you could handle.
you can't play with love but love can play or fool with you.
minsan may mga simpleng bagay na ginagawa or nagagawa natin unconsciously without knowing na nasa bingit na pala tayo. and then suddenly we fall. bakit? dahil we're simply humans. and human's are self serving. gagawin natin ang lahat para lumigaya tayo ; to pleasure ourselves,to comfort, to be satisfied. right?. and after that kahit alam natin na mali. just to conserve what we need and what we have, at dahil nag eenjoy tayo. GINAGAWA NATING TAMA ang alam nating MALI.. we try to convince ourselves and say so many lame excuses para di tayo masyado ma guilty.
pero alam natin deep inside na MALI nga in the first place pero ginawa natin.. but it's all natural. that makes us human. falling in love in a wrong place and a wrong time is not a LIE but it is the TRUTH.
so my answer is YES. it is possible!!  ;D
there's no such thing as destiny and fate.. it is a big lie...

 

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