Girl Talk

News & Features => Women's Issues => Topic started by: i_v_y on December 17, 2012, 02:52:37 am

Title: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: i_v_y on December 17, 2012, 02:52:37 am
I was told by my best guy friend (who does not sexually desire me ( according from him)) that I  come on as a strong and opinionated woman and guys find it repulsive.

Have you ever been told by someone specially from the male species that you are a strong and opinionated woman?

How did/will you take it?
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: NeilRudecat on December 17, 2012, 05:17:30 am
A strong and opinionated woman is so sexually desirable to some guys...especially those whose level of intelligence can match such a woman. 
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: i_v_y on December 17, 2012, 06:33:05 am
that's true for some. it is really about the preference.

by basing from my experiences lately, these guys (foreigners) were probably expecting that i was otherwise. so nothing progressed.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: Priceless on December 17, 2012, 10:24:15 am
It really depends on what they mean by "strong and opinionated". A lot of foreigners have the generalizations that Asian/Filipina women are sweet,  quiet, demure, submissive, etc, as most Asian/Filipinas are.  However, there are some women who are quite aggressive and who try to be loud, aggressive, pushy, demanding to prove that they are "strong" and are not door mats. I think most men admire strong women who can think for themselves and have intelligent opinions, who share them at the appropriate time/situation. Women can be this without being show-offy about it - which I think most people, not just men or foreigners, find repulsive.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: Oblina on January 04, 2013, 07:14:28 am
agree with sis Priceless, strong and opinionated din minsan ang tawag sa mga loud na babae, coz they really exude strong personality, walang pakelam basta makapagdaldal at mag asal lalake to look cool.

now its a different story kung strong and opinionated ang tag sa mga babaeng matalino magsalita at may sense being the opinionated part, then independent, confident, resourceful and mature for the strong part. these are the qualities that men usually gets attracted to. i think guys who are put off by these qualities have shallow personalities.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: khriseeee on January 05, 2013, 07:05:05 pm
Men who are intimidated by strong women are insecure about themselves
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: douxmadchen on January 05, 2013, 09:16:43 pm
been told the same thing before but i didn't take them negatively. if some or most men don't like that then there must be some insecurities within them. only those who are man enough and truly love you and appreciate these strong traits should be worth your attention.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: freelancer_babe on January 06, 2013, 08:22:11 am
I've met guys who like strong opinionated women, and I've met guys who prefer the opposite.

I am more of a strong opinionated woman, and yet still get admirers. Tapos I work in a male-dominated profession pa where most of the time, women who are successfully "thrown" in such professions perform better or are able to do more accomplishments than the men . :P

But true, there are some guys na intimidated rin sa akin.

I guess it boils down to their personal preference. I think those guys who are after strong opinionated women loves the challenge of dealing with them. Siguro kasi iba na talaga ang panahon ngayon, where men already accept women as equals.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: aquacharly on January 06, 2013, 10:32:27 am
I have been described, told to my face & gossiped about as a strong woman with strong opinions.
I have never felt insulted.

But if I were to be described as opinionated -- yes, I may feel bad if the person saying it, IMO, had sufficient brains & human patience. 
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: agape on January 07, 2013, 12:00:01 pm
^why feel insulted?

Anyways, most guys are just scared of a challenge, meaning Baka Kasi if they choose such a woman, maging under Lang sila.

I think it is a personality, and not really a character. You can have good moral values and be professional pa rin naman even if you have strong opinions, some people just don't know how to handle it.

Maybe the guy who told it to your face, actually likes you, and gusto Nya mag mellow ka naman sa kanya, Baka Hindi siya makapanligaw Kasi. Lolz.

I had an officemate, who looked strong and aggressive, nagging sila Nung guy, but during the relationship, na-turn off is guy Kasi parang front Lang pala Ni girl yun, she is so weak and insecure daw so later Umayaw na si guy.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: Doink! on January 18, 2013, 12:10:23 pm
It depends, I feel that Kung may solid sense of self naman yung guy mas maa-appreciate nya nga a woman who is strong & who can speak for herself. Confidence can be the biggest turn-on for some guys. I bang usapan naman yung some women who spews nonsense just to call attention to oneself (papansin ba?) or someone who appears to be holier than thou nakaka turn-off ngayon. Minsan naman [textspeak!] bloated din naman the man's ego, they still what to feel that they are the stronger specie. Bottomline, I guess nasa pagdadala Lang yon. A woman's strength should appear effortless & never flaunting http://
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: jamberryknots on January 18, 2013, 12:33:45 pm
i have been described as such by both genders and it was never an issue for me
sila siguro nagkaka-issue but personally, i love the way i am haha
some people may take it negatively kasi nga ang perception is to be submissive and rarely do women express their own opinion
for me as long as you are not disrespectful of others at may sense naman ang sinasabi ok ang tawagin ka na strong and opinionated
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: bluegintonic on January 24, 2013, 03:51:32 pm
On the contrary dear! Men like women who have their own opinions and are not empty-headed (yung tamang pang-display lang).Siguro it all depends na lang on the timing ng pag-voice out mo ng opinions.Moderation is the key.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: Irtwisted on February 05, 2013, 10:52:58 pm
Have you asked your friend what's so repulsive about strong and opinionated women? I find it worrying and at the same time offensive that holding opinions is considered by some men as repulsive. That's a pretty strong word. Either way, you don't need to change yourself to associate with these type of people.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: googoo on February 12, 2013, 02:38:16 am
As was my experience, it worked to my advantage to control myself during the first few dates with my now, fiance.  I did not have to prove anything when it comes to my worth, nor did I feel the need to voice every opinion that came to mind. 

It was too late when my fiance learned about my true character  :)  I am a strong willed, highly opinionated, aggressive businesswoman.  It might have helped that I have a great smile and body to boot, just kidding!   Seriously, it would be best to keep some things to ourselves to have peace and harmony, that's what girl friends are for.  Call them if you need to talk.

Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: ayka on February 17, 2013, 08:56:46 pm
i don't think there's anything wrong with being opinionated, as long as you do it in the right place and at the right time.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: heaven_charm on April 03, 2013, 03:00:52 pm
madali lang naman i-balance yan sis. you can look strong and opinionated but sweet as a gf. im a strong and opinionated woman pero my bf prefers it kesa naman sa girl na lageng problema ang dala. and dont forget to smile always kasi it makes you look strong yet approachable padin :)
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: aquacharly on April 03, 2013, 10:37:25 pm
I have been described, told to my face & gossiped about as a strong woman with strong opinions.
I have never felt insulted.

But if I were to be described as opinionated -- yes, I may feel bad if the person saying it, IMO, had sufficient brains & human patience. 

^why feel insulted?

AGAPE -- 
kasi, for me "having strong opinions" is ok.  It connotes well thought-through personal views.
As  in, I try not to be babaw with my personal views. I think, assess, and try to base these on facts or on factual inferences/projections (hahaha) -- 
BUT in the face of better inferences/projections or facts, I adjust/modify/upgrade/dump my opinions.  :D
 
Versus -- 

 Being "opinionated", which  is not ok, IMO.   
It smacks of close-mindedness coz pagka alam ko, the definition of  "OPINIONATED" is:   "Holding stubbornly and often unreasonably to one's own opinions".
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: mooncake and leaves on April 24, 2013, 11:42:23 pm
i hate to be negative pero baka what your friend is trying to suggest is, you come across as abrasive and stubborn and by guys, he could have really been just talking about himself. people do that when they want to complain about someone but couldn't be straight with the person. i could be wrong, of course. how did he say it ba? and what led to that statement?

but to answer your question, no, i don't think anyone has said that about me. engs ako irl eh hehe.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: hellobeautiful on June 04, 2014, 08:33:47 pm
it's good to be strong and opinionated; means you have convictions that you stand for. it's better to find someone who likes you for who you are, strong opinions and everything, rather than you trying to change just to please someone else. hindi rin yun magiging masaya in the long run :)
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: xtine on October 12, 2014, 06:34:40 pm
A psychologist and some friends have told me I have a strong personality.  I am very opinionated but if I sense that the person I am talking to is a bit emotional, i will just keep my opinions to myself to avoid any drama or conflict.

I am also not shy to talk to bosses and to strangers, I think I have developed it by working with lots of nationalities.  I am frank but not rude.  I am open to ideas and cultures because i now understand that my filipino culture is not the culture practised by the rest of the world.  So if there are some disagreements like for instance in religion, then I just listen and get interested instead of pushing for what I believe.

Now that I have developed this personality, I am not often swayed by opinions.  Sometimes, if people are trying to insult me i just shrug it off because basically, I know who I am and I know that I want.  I have also dated filipino guys and it seems my personality does not match with theirs. 

I get off when a guy will tell me "mayaman ka siguro" or "naks! big time".  Those are just the comments that I find too off because basically, when I am telling stories, I am just telling stories.  I am not putting myself in the pedestal.  However, when I talk to non-filipinos, they get fascinated and they even contribute their own stories without making you feel that they are competing with you.  It's like a simple sharing of stories, a worthwhile conversation. 

I just think that its actually a filipino mentality to be emotional, needs to be lambingin always and to sugar coat something that you want to say, else they will say you're rude. 

My close friends right now are few close filipinos and some non filipinos.  I used to work with filipinos before but I have make sure that i sugar coat what I want to say, else they get offended and if I want to ask favor, I need to make lambing, else I will come off as demanding.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: Samsy on December 09, 2014, 06:12:02 am
I find it odd that some men use "strong and opinionated" to refer to a woman as if it is an off putting trait. If a man takes on the same set of characteristics, people would say he's in control and a boss. People would think he's cool. So I say own it! Forget that naysayers. We are not here for the pleasure of men. Speak your mind. This world needs more women speaking their minds.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: mamichula on April 29, 2015, 06:42:13 pm
YOu just gotta find someone who will find you being strong and opinionated attractive. Some guys appreciate women like that.

Never really wanted to get married since I'm like that and I thought I'd never find a man who'll like headstrong women like me. Pero my husband thought its a complete turn on and he liked the fact that I will kick him out of the house the moment he messes up. Haha thrill seeker ata sya!

He says all the women he's dated in the past are doormats, oo lang nang oo wala daw sariling desisyon. IN short deads na deads sa kanya so kahit anung sabihin nya agree lang nang agree. In the long run nakaka bore daw yun kasama.

When we started dating he found me exciting LOL and in his words "Astig" sometimes lang now that we're married he says ganun daw pala ang strong women kahit asawa mo na strong pa din forever and ever LOL

But I guess he's happy that I keep him on his toes.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: cupcakejane on May 23, 2017, 10:50:43 pm
I'm exactly like this and yes, it did scare my husband away.  Now I question myself somehow if things would have been different had I toned down my personality a bit and what not.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: kvan on May 23, 2017, 11:11:10 pm
I am one of those girls na diretso magsalita. Hindi talaga natural asa akin ang magpa-sweet, nauumay ako...lol! Pero, guys nowadays like it especially dito sa Canada. Yung mga bagets yun ang gusto...lol!
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: hisana on May 24, 2017, 09:35:00 am
Nothing wrong with being a strong opinionated woman, but also I agree na siguraduhin lang na may sense naman ang sinasabi at tama ang ginagawa. Meron kasi iba, they excuse their brash behavior as being confident, pero sa totoo lang, they're already offensive and disrespectful to others. This is just plain being self-centered and nothing to be admired about.
Title: Re: Coming on as a strong and opinionated woman
Post by: DeathToMondays on June 23, 2017, 11:41:50 pm
There is a time, place, and manner for speaking one's mind and for being silent, but silence in times of injustice often does more harm than good, especially if only to keep the peace. Being opinionated shouldn't be equated with being combative and contrarian; there are plenty of women who can deliver powerful ideas graciously, respectably, yet efficiently.

That said, weak and egotistical men are easily threatened by women with strong personalities, so much that the mere act of a woman standing up for herself is offensive to them; the same goes for women who are brainwashed by the patriarchy about old-fashioned gender roles.