Author Topic: Meeting the Parents! - For women dating foreigners!  (Read 4077 times)

themissingx

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Meeting the Parents! - For women dating foreigners!
« on: January 11, 2012, 09:55:43 am »
Hi guys,

I'm a gtalker from Australia, and yes..I've visited the "Dating Someone na Hindi Pinoy" post. However, I believe my paranoia is beyond the cultural differences between you and your partner and making it work because in a month's time, I will be meeting the parents! And I am freaking out.

Well, let me give you a brief description of our weird relationship and why I'm freaking out.

1. We are NOT yet official.
Ok, so... WHY ON EARTH DO YOU WANT TO BRING ME WITH YOU TO YOUR HOMETOWN? We've known each other for 7 months now, but we've always kept our relationship casual because both of us just got out of the relationship when we first met and were both very positive that we didn't want to get into another relationship yet. So it was nothing serious for the first few months until a month before he left (his job required him to go overseas for 3 months). Since he left, he's been ringing and texting every night, without exceptions, and things seem to have gotten more serious. He's been joking about bringing me back home (he originally lives in another state, so is his family, and he's only staying here for 2 years for his job), but I've always dismissed it praying he's not serious.

Until well, he officially, seriously asked me, to go with him when he gets back from overseas, for a weekend at his parent's in his hometown. I feel like I can't say NO either to his invitation because well,..that would be a little off. It might give him the impression that I'm not interested, etc.

Also, what am I gonna tell his parents? We're together? No, we're just friends? Yes, I am his girlfriend? But we're not even together.  :-\


2. Going too Fast?
 
I feel like we're going too fast. I understand his job requires him to jump from one state to another almost every year, and it could be very hard once he gets posted out the following year. But I just don't feel so ready meeting everyone yet? I don't know what this means for him, or if it does actually mean anything for him, but I feel like I don't know him that well yet to be staying over for the weekend, in his parents', meeting the neighborhood, his childhood friends and ex girlfriends. O_O Don't get me wrong though, we both like each other and would want to see where this is going...just, I'm still in shock.


3. WHAT IF THEY DONT END UP LIKING ME?

Well, race-wise, I don't think they care that I'm asian. I might feel a little weird, yes, coz I'm afraid I might feel out of place but they're not racists, so.. I'm not really worried in that department. Second, for an asian, well..im short and he's extremely tall like a pole. I could go on and on, but yeah.. It's not like I can do anything about it anyway. So I'll just suck it up. :P

Anyway, at least I have to be likeable.. Any do's and don'ts?

4. TIPS PLEASE?
Any gtalkers would like to give me some tips on meeting your boyfriend's parents/family? Especially those who are dating Aussie guys? Any pointers, experiences, warnings that you'd like to share? Would be GREATLY appreciated!!!

I have about a month to prepare, so please help me out!!! Do I need to bring something, like a gift? Lol.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'm in crisis and I need your help!
THANKS. Much love xxxxxxx
« Last Edit: January 11, 2012, 10:24:00 am by themissingx »
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Re: Meeting the Parents! - For women dating foreigners!
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2012, 10:57:44 am »
Hi missing x.

I was in your situation a few years back. Exactong-exacto except for:

1. My then bf (now hubby) and I were living away from our parents - as in different country pa
2. He (the hubby) is a foreigner (but not Aussie)
3. We were dating (as in bf/gf) but it was a complicated situation that not a lot of people knew about it, the parents knew that it was complicated;
4. It was my first time to meet them as his gf - this after he's introduced and brought home his former gfs, the last one he was with for a loooong time
5. It was my first time to be introduced to my bf's parents - all previous relationships were too "casual" to even warrant an introduction - kahit ako mismo ayaw ko.

I used to troll around and look for tips, suggestions, ideas on forums like this because I didn't know what to do.

Now to answer your sort-of questions/issues:

1. "You are not yet official"

So what? It's not like they expect you to marry him the moment you set foot in their house. Besides, what does "official" mean? Can't friends bring friends home to meet parents? I suggest that you go there as his "friend". I don't think his parents will be rude to ask you point blank kung ano ang status nyo. And even if you do, I think you can either dodge the question carefully - either get him to answer it, or if not, just tell them the truth, that you and him "go out" and "date". It's up for them to think whether you're their son's girlfriend or not. I suggest you wait for your bf to introduce you. And if you get introduced as "themissingx", then that's it - no need for further explanations. Foreigners are very straightforward - like most of us, they'll probably jump into conclusions - but they're not really intrusive or usyusero.

I would suggest though, that before you go, you sit down with your friend and ask about details about this trip. Like what activities are you doing during the trip, who are the people you'll likely meet, para na rin you know what to pack and bring (e.g. gifts). Then you can ask your friend, about your reservations about being introduced as a girlfriend (or at least creating the impression that you are) kung hindi naman clear.

2. "Going too fast"

It's just a trip. A weekend. You gotta ask what you're doing during the trip, who you're meeting so you're ready. If he says, it's just chilling out and driving around his neighborhood, then that sounds easy enough. Believe me, when I was in your situation, I was worried about these things too, but when I got there, there was hardly any time for us to be meeting anyone. If you're doing barbies and such, again, it's such a brief time that you'll forget their names, and they'll likely forget yours immediately anyway. You'll just be known as so and so's friend.

Again, unless he gets overtly touchy-feely, they'll just dismiss you as a "friend". Depende talaga how he introduces you and how he acts around you.

3. "What if they don't like me"

Ay, ito yung million dollar question ko before. The week leading to the trip, as in I was having long distance call marathons with my best girl buddies for them to boost my morale. Not to mention sleepless nights. I was afraid of the inevitable fact that I will be compared to the girls who have been introduced before.

I'll tell you what the best advice given to me: be yourself. Be the person that your friend likes being with. And trust your friend to have your back. Be polite, be helpful. Be on your toes - pay attention to what they're saying and be genuinely interested. Aussies are very nice, laid back people, but if they're from a small town in the middle of Alice Springs, you probably wouldn't want to start chatting away about the trips that you make, the new gadgets you have or that you're looking forward to a nice spa massage after your long drive.

And so what if you're short compared to him? You're not there for a modelling contest. And unless he uses your head as an arm rest, then get over your issues. I don't think itataboy ka nila just because you're vertically challenged. I would suggest though, that you dress nicely, smart, refrain from wearing trampy clothes or like you're going clubbing in the middle of the day. Ibagay mo sa background nila. And it doesn't mean na porket beach sya, you can wear your tangga and monokinis. Leave them at home, sweetie. Medyo demure and prim muna. If you must, your bikinis should not be playboy material.

4. Last minute tips:

- Get a nice (read: professional) pedicure. (As a sister, I always look at how neat my brothers' girlfriends are, especially kung panay sandals ang suot nila).
- As I said, dress appropriately. Fashionable pero classy. Do not dress like a manang though.
- Find out a little more about your "target audience". For example, I found out that my hosts (i.e. the bf's family) liked talking about news events, so I brushed up on the latest news before the trip. So kahit na hindi man ako ready makipag-debate sa kanila, at least I had an idea what they were talking about. And hindi ako mukhang boba or tulala dahil wala akong maintindihan sa sinasabi nila.
- Try to remember names of the important family members. Tsaka find something interesting to talk about (audience appropriate). Kasi there will be times siguro that you will be left alone with them.
- They might be interested about what you do for a living, your family, your dog, etc. If you have a wallet with pictures, that's a great ice breaker. Everyone likes looking at pictures.
- Ask your friend about sleeping arrangements. If he says you're sleeping in the same room, ask him kung ok lang ba sa parents nya and they wouldn't get offended.
- Help out sa house, such as preparing dinner, or setting the table. And make sure that you clean up after yourself be it sa bedroom, bathroom or pag kumakain kayo. Even though it might be "his" or "your" bedroom during your stay, make sure na maayos ang room pag masilip nila.
- Bring a present. Depende nga sa background nila. You probably should ask your friend what his family likes. Maybe a nice bottle of wine or port. Kung hindi naman umiinom, then offer to pay for dinner/take them out to dinner.

Yan, mukhang kumpleto na ang tips. PM me if you need more insights.

Just remember, tao din yang mga yan. They may have blonde hair and green eyes, and speak in a funny accent, but at the end of the day, you probably sound funny to them too. Patas lang ang labanan. ;)

themissingx

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Re: Meeting the Parents! - For women dating foreigners!
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2012, 11:21:00 am »
Thank you sis! I've been checking my post every 5 minutes to check if there's a response. As a matter of fact, I'm in the process of going over my wardrobe to look for clothes to wear for that weekend, HAHAHA. I know I'm 1 month too early but like said, I am freaking out.

I guess why I'm freaking out is because, obviously, we're not "just friends". We're in that gray area, more than friends less than official lovers. He's asked me recently if he can court me and of course I said yes. And then days after, here he goes asking me to go back with him to his fam a month from now.

From what I can picture, I will be spending a lot of time with him and his family during our entire stay there. His hometown is not a huge one, 2 hours away from Sydney proper, so I wouldn't say they are yknow, city people, nor would I say extremely secluded from civilization. :P

1. We're not yet together

I guess I'll just leave it to him, to answer that if they ever ask? I was planning to say 'just dating' but I've been thinking if I go "no no we're not together", it might seem like I don't want to be with him? like an insult? haha. I'm just really awkward, especially when caught off guard which is why I'm being paranoid as early as now.

2. Going too fast

It's not really just a trip, because the main purpose of the trip is to see his parents. He's very family-oriented and he loves spending time with his family. He always gets posted to different states but he always sees to it that he visits them regularly. He's currently away and was not able to celebrate Christmas and New Year with them and it's this February, when he can finally see them.. I guess I somehow feel like I'm sort of intruding, like I shouldn't be there.

3. They won't like me.

Thanks for the advice sis! I guess tama ka, I love doing my own nails pero fine, for this occasion, I'll get it done professionally. Haha. :) He's had an asian ex girlfriend so I guess that makes me a bit more confident that they wouldn't care if I'm asian or that I'm a midget next to him. I'm also stressing about what to wear!! Hehe.

Also, knowing his lifestyle, I know we might go for a night out that weekend, and the chances that I would come across and meet his recent ex-gf is 10000000%. Take note, the ex-gf has been hunting him since they broke up coz she wants to be back with him. So yea.. Quite anxious about that too.


4. Tips

Sleeping arrangements! Correct ka jan, we've been intimate na before but this doesn't mean we have to sleep next to each other when I visit, nahihiya ako sa parents. If it's just us in the house why not, pero with the family under the same roof, I feel like meh. At the same time, I don't feel like I will have control over the situation anyway, I can only wish that they'd give me my own bed and room. Lol. >.<

Taking them out to dinner is not an option coz I'm broke! Haha. I actually originally politely declined his invitation because I told him I cant afford to travel at the moment, but he insisted. He said he's gonna shoulder my plane tickets, etc. Being the egotistic girl that I am, this arrangement is still debatable. Either I save up extra money for this, or I'll owe him this favor but make sure I pay him back.


OT: Thank you for sharing your own experience. How did it go by the way??? What did you learn from your experience?
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Re: Meeting the Parents! - For women dating foreigners!
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2012, 01:08:41 pm »
Well, as I said, I doubt kung they will want your definitive answers kung ano ang status nyo. It's very likely they will already assume that you are together, that you are doing the naughty. Up to him nalang how you will be introduced. Ikaw naman, wag nang mag-react kung ano ang sasabihin, unless completely offensive (which I doubt) such as sabihing, na pick up ka lang kung saan saan etc. 

Because you are spending time with his family, get more info from him about them, be interested, para naman hindi ka nga magmukhang nabitbit lang. Para tipong pwede mong sabihin, "He has told me lots about you" which is very flattering for them. Tapos banggit banggitin mo din na you know how important his family is to him, na he always talks about them, etc etc. And that you are so glad to finally meet them (to attach a face to a name!).

Don't worry about the ex. Eh ano kung makita mo sya or makita ka nya? Ang importante, ikaw ang kasama nya ngayon. Make sure super fabulous ka, as in magdamit as if hindi ka broke. Look expensive. Keep the accessories to a minimum and make sure they're classy. Don't ever wear or bring fakes dahil kung kapwa asian yan, malamang pipintasan ultimo amoy ng sabon na ginamit mo panlaba. Basta don't look trampy, look very classy, look like you have a million dollars in your pocket and you're not afraid to use it ;) Pero wag magyabang please, and wag pretentious.

About sleeping arrangements, you ask him politely kung ano ba ang acceptable or at least expectations ng parents nya. Kasi baka naman ultra conservative yung parents nya and they expect you to be wearing a chastity belt with matching long hair abot hanggang tuhod. The rule is, makibagay ka.

Kung wala kang money to bring them out to dinner or something, just buy a nice bottle of wine. Meron naman siguro less than $50 (there's one from Yering Station that was quite nice, super affordable). Basta bring something for your hosts, kahit cake man lang or a box of chocolates. Ask him what they like to eat (baka kasi naman diabetic or may allergies).

On your last question - my first visit was super successful. His parents and siblings super loooove me. And the best thing I learned from that experience was, not to be intimidated dahil "iba" sila. Useless yung anxiety ko dati (being asian, insecurities sa exes nya, mas well travelled sila, i felt na rich sila at poor ako) kasi he made me feel secure in everything. And I found out na mas well travelled ako, mas flexible ako kesa sa kanila in terms of food, lifestyle, etc, and mas maganda ang pamumuhay ko. At naipakita ko din sa kanila na stereotype lang yung image ng filipinas with foreigners na gold diggers, wanting a better life, etc etc. I don't need a man or a foreigner to make my life great!

little_princess

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Re: Meeting the Parents! - For women dating foreigners!
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2012, 01:51:07 pm »
hey themissingx! i was in you situation a few months back when i first met my future in laws when they can for a visit here in manila. my then boyfriend (now fiance), who is british and australian wanted me to meet his parents and see how his lifestyle in manila is.

i was so anxious because like you, i had that nagging question if they will like me or approve of our relationship. i have spoken to them over skype, the phone and emailed them lots but it is still different if you are actually socializing with them. i wasn't really scared about being [textspeak!]-chi living in the philippines because them being here would be so easy for me to show them that i am not the stereotypical filipina after a foreigner.  we had a nice and relazing week with them, cooked dinner, brought them to makati and intramuros, made them try halo halo, went to a bar (they are that cool) and just hung out with each other. they even had a chance to meet my family and my parents treated them in a nice chinese restaurant.

they are really lovely people and according to my fiance, they loved me! they are affectionate people, give me hugs and kisses all the time. and i'm looking forward to going to his hometown to see how it is in his.

now for your questions,

1. we're not together yet
is there a possibility that in a month's time, things will be clearer between the two of you? if not, then most foreigners i know don't really ask in your face questions like that and they will just assume or they would know their kid well to know what it means. based on your posts, this guy seems to value what his family will think and is prolly introducing you to get a feel how you will be around them and also get what their say is.

2. going too fast
well, kind of but then just treat it as meeting any tito or tita if that would make you feel better. also, try to fish from him how many girls has he brought home to meet the family and take it from there. and if you are worried about long distance relationships, then take baby steps and see where it goes AFTER meeting the family.

3. they wont like me
just be yourself but also remember that these are parents and kahit anong lahi niyan, they would want to be respected as well. if they end up not liking you, we really can't please everyone and they will see through you if you are trying hard.

4. tips
no hanky panky that weekend, you wouldn't want them walking on you two doing something. if you can have separate rooms, that would be better
dress appropriately and nothing too revealing. with my future in laws, i would wear shorts and slip flops around them but then it is pretty warm here and i made sure i am covered up
if you are broke, why don't you offer to cook then dinner? me and my fiance made 2 meals for my future in laws and they appreciated this more than the fancy restaurants
try to get to know them from your guy. be pro-active and ask questions. know their passions, the topics to be avoided, and what their hobbies are
be pleasant and courteous always, them seeing you frowning or throwing a tantrum won't do you any good
learn to adjust and be open to experience new things with them
and have fun! :)

Sweetbaby1976

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Re: Meeting the Parents! - For women dating foreigners!
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2022, 08:42:19 pm »
Hi guys maybe my comment late but wish add that there many sites on the internet that you can use but from my last experience where I was meet my partnerI used some sites europe-dating.eu and luckyusalover.com, wish you luck.  :D :D :D :D :D


 

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