Author Topic: Mom has issues with my engagement  (Read 2313 times)

px17

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Mom has issues with my engagement
« on: January 22, 2020, 12:45:54 am »
My boyfriend of 14 years proposed to me last December. It was a very intimate proposal. Kami lang dalawa while having a dinner Sa restaurant. He's close to my family naman since high school sweethearts kami.

After saying yes. Second question ko is "alam nila mama?" Kasi around that week nabanggit ni mama sakin na "naghahanap na si kuya (nang ring) mukhang malapit na mag proposed" pero sabi ni boyfriend ?hindi? so unang kong reaction ?weh?? Kasi my mom is very conservative talaga.  So being very close to my mom sabi ko kay fianc? tara uwi na tayo sa amin, ibalita natin.

When we got home and told them the good news. My mom and dad is speechless. Gets ko naman.

Nung kami nalang ni boyfriend. Sabi ko mukhang nagtatampo. He felt bad din naman. So the day after inaya namin mag dinner. My mom is teary eyed kasi sign of respect daw na magpapa-alam muna. My bf, apologized. Kinakabahan lang daw kasi siya.

This evening lang while my mom and I are having a convo, napunta ulit sa topic na mag papa alam. May sama pa rin siya ng loob. What can we do? Medyo nagtatanim ng sama ng loob mom ko. Ako naman nagulat lang na hindi nagpaalam si bf kasi knowing my parents traditional sila. Bothered lang talaga ako na my mom is not happy. I mean todo push na siya sa amin na mag pakasal pero now na nandito na. Ang hirap!
« Last Edit: January 22, 2020, 07:58:01 am by px17 »
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glamorosa_09

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Re: Mom has issues with my engagement
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2020, 01:35:09 am »
Mag one month na since your fiance proposed, hindi pa rin nakakamove on mommy mo.

It's good that you're close to your mom. Pero strictly conservative and traditional lang talaga yung pinanggagalingan niya? Hindi naman siya yung tipo ng magulang na gustong meron importanteng role at "say" sa buhay ng adult child nya? Or yung super involved na parent?

Kasi after 14 years of relationship, dapat nagdidiwang na kayo eh, nalulunod sa happiness. Kaya lang hindi mo malubos yung kasiyahan mo dahil worried ka about your mom.

Anyway, what's done is done. You and your fiance didn't mean to hurt your mom. It was an honest mistake, given your traditional and conservative background. You're not responsible anymore for what your mom feels. Nagsorry naman na kayo, your fiance already explained kinabahan sya. Nagdinner kayo.  She knows you've realized it already.  Wag na sana ulit ulitin sayo pagkukulang niyo. Learn not to be guilty, you are not at fault. She is an adult too, she's responsible for working out her personal issues and not depend it on you. You've done your part already. Part ng mom mo i-work on sarili nya. Kung ayaw ng mommy mo i work on sarili nya on this matter, problem nya na yun, hehe.

Be merry, be happy. Pakasaya kayo, enjoy planning the wedding. Update your mom na lang every now and then sa wedding plans niyo. Let go of the guilt.


simang

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Re: Mom has issues with my engagement
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2020, 03:20:55 am »
Maybe ask your mom what can you do to make her feel better about the engagement? Depende sa mom mo, baka magwork.

And agree ako kay sis glamorosa, isama mo sya sa wedding planning (if you prefer) so she doesn't feel left out.
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px17

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Re: Mom has issues with my engagement
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2020, 07:56:49 am »
Thanks sis. Actually yung mom ni fiance, was happy. I told her about my mom's reaction. Sabi niya "ay bakit naman magtatampo. Ang tagal niyo na, anak."

hmm. Good question sis ah. I think bukod sa pagiging traditional involved nga msyado mom ko sa akin. There where times na nag aaway kami kasi feeling ko gusto niya akong kontrolin na parang high school pa rin ako.

I tried involving her. I was super excited about the wedding and showed her dresses and gowns that I liked. Sabi ba naman sakin "kala ko ba bahay muna bibilhin niyo?" kaya sabi ko "May ibang ipon naman kami for wedding eh". I don't know if I'm sensitive or what pero nainis ako sakanya sa sagot niya sakin. 

Mag one month na since your fiance proposed, hindi pa rin nakakamove on mommy mo.

It's good that you're close to your mom. Pero strictly conservative and traditional lang talaga yung pinanggagalingan niya? Hindi naman siya yung tipo ng magulang na gustong meron importanteng role at "say" sa buhay ng adult child nya? Or yung super involved na parent?

Kasi after 14 years of relationship, dapat nagdidiwang na kayo eh, nalulunod sa happiness. Kaya lang hindi mo malubos yung kasiyahan mo dahil worried ka about your mom.

Anyway, what's done is done. You and your fiance didn't mean to hurt your mom. It was an honest mistake, given your traditional and conservative background. You're not responsible anymore for what your mom feels. Nagsorry naman na kayo, your fiance already explained kinabahan sya. Nagdinner kayo.  She knows you've realized it already.  Wag na sana ulit ulitin sayo pagkukulang niyo. Learn not to be guilty, you are not at fault. She is an adult too, she's responsible for working out her personal issues and not depend it on you. You've done your part already. Part ng mom mo i-work on sarili nya. Kung ayaw ng mommy mo i work on sarili nya on this matter, problem nya na yun, hehe.

Be merry, be happy. Pakasaya kayo, enjoy planning the wedding. Update your mom na lang every now and then sa wedding plans niyo. Let go of the guilt.
Learn to Love yourself First! :)

glamorosa_09

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Re: Mom has issues with my engagement
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2020, 11:57:23 am »
Quote from: px17
hmm. Good question sis ah. I think bukod sa pagiging traditional involved nga msyado mom ko sa akin. There where times na nag aaway kami kasi feeling ko gusto niya akong kontrolin na parang high school pa rin ako.

I'm sure you love your mom so much. For children na very close to their mom, maganda sa pakiramdam na they are generous of their approval sa mga decisions ng adult children. But in reality, adult children (especially those married and with kids of their own) will make decisions that don't sit well with parents. But it is what it is, ang mag-aadjust dyan sila.

Nowadays, the superinvolved moms are called helicopter moms. And usually hindi yan magtatapos pag natapos ang singlehood mo. I can see naman na hindi ka nagpapa-control sa mom mo since nagreresist ka. Pag nagpacontrol ka, it will implicate  your future relationship with husband-to-be. Since mag-aasawa ka na, your first priority will be your husband. Pero continue loving and honoring your mom pa rin, kahit na hindi na sya ang malaking part ng mundo mo.

Baka lang yung struggle ng mom mo of wanting to control you on your transition stage, nagsisimula pa lang ngayong wedding.

 

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