Tired of friends' dramas: what to do?

[oshiawase]

I love my friends. But some of my friends are having their own personal problems for the past year. One is suffering from depression/anxiety, one cannot move on from a guy who she "thinks" likes her but she "thinks" is too coy to confess to her (even though there is a possibility that he does not like her at all), one is undergoing bankruptcy, one with family problems. I love these friends and they were there when I, too, had problems (though I never had a problem that lasted for a year, unlike them). I have been listening to them for the past year and been giving them my piece of advice of they ask for it but their problems are still there and been ongoing for almost a year now. It's like every time we talk, it will be about their problem and I cannot even tell them my own "problems".

Would it be rude if I tune-out of their lives for a bit? How do I do that?

They only talk to me to rant and all and not really to ask how I am etc. I am just getting tired of it all. But I still want to be friends with them.

What do I do?

Thanks!

[yn061515]

^ IMO a true friend won't get tired and won't give up on their "friend" during trying times.
Bilog ang mundo, you can never really be sure na you'll never have a problem which would last for a year in the future. Don't you wanna have people to lean on for as long as you need them no matter how nakakasawa and nakakapagod and napaka selfish? try to think of it.

[khaleesiCersei]

Well for me whenever i get tired of a friend's ranting, i just change the subject to lighten up the mood kasi minsan nakaka drain naman talaga negative vibes. Hindi ko naman siya iniinterupt, pag tapos na siya magsalita, i change the topic. Ako din kasi yung tipong i can be brutally honest to my friends so minsan i say half jokingly na ano ba yan, umay serye na naman ba lol! Or manood na lang tayo sine kesa mag iiyak ka dyan hehe.

My advice is, you do not have to absorb their vibes or problems nor give them advice kasi most people do not take them anyway hehe. Just listen na lang tapos mag kwento ka ng something else or plan an activity for you guys to unwind. Di naman kelangan expensive kahit coffee lang, malling or movie.

[iamklarisse]

Do you see them daily? Do you have other set of friends aside from them?

Expand your territory. Don't just abandon them since a true friend will always be there no matter what, BUT, allow yourself to unwind and go out with other set of more "nourishing" friends who can "fill up your love tank"

[oshiawase]

^ IMO a true friend won't get tired and won't give up on their "friend" during trying times.
Bilog ang mundo, you can never really be sure na you'll never have a problem which would last for a year in the future. Don't you wanna have people to lean on for as long as you need them no matter how nakakasawa and nakakapagod and napaka selfish? try to think of it.

I agree that I will need them to listen to me in the future and I also want them in my life actually. But I do not agree that a true friend does not get tired. Tao lang tayo e, napapagod. That's why I wanted to tune out for A BIT to get to my center again and attend to my own needs naman even if they are currently self-absorbed.

Thanks for your input.

[oshiawase]

Well for me whenever i get tired of a friend's ranting, i just change the subject to lighten up the mood kasi minsan nakaka drain naman talaga negative vibes. Hindi ko naman siya iniinterupt, pag tapos na siya magsalita, i change the topic. Ako din kasi yung tipong i can be brutally honest to my friends so minsan i say half jokingly na ano ba yan, umay serye na naman ba lol! Or manood na lang tayo sine kesa mag iiyak ka dyan hehe.

My advice is, you do not have to absorb their vibes or problems nor give them advice kasi most people do not take them anyway hehe. Just listen na lang tapos mag kwento ka ng something else or plan an activity for you guys to unwind. Di naman kelangan expensive kahit coffee lang, malling or movie.

Thank you! I will try this! I will try to be more frank next time. Really good advice! Thanks!

[oshiawase]

Do you see them daily? Do you have other set of friends aside from them?

Expand your territory. Don't just abandon them since a true friend will always be there no matter what, BUT, allow yourself to unwind and go out with other set of more "nourishing" friends who can "fill up your love tank"

Woah. Never thought of this before. Yes, I do have another sets of friends but it just so happens I am closer to these "nega vibes" friends because well, I end up as the one who always listens to them.

I am introvert so it is a bit of a challenge to make new friends but kinda exciting too. You have any tips?

[lovemeagain30]

sa case ko ang family members ko ang ma drama sa buhay,, whenever they overload me with these stuffs i tend to shut them off in my life for a while. yep you're read it right!  shut them down for a while and keep myself busy with other areas of my life. it  keeps my sanity intact than to listen to mess up stories.  whenever i'm ready, i go back and check them again. for a while, keep yourself busy and find other set of friends when you can. 

[kvan]

From personal experience, if their problems are already affecting you and your well-being then you don't have to put up with it. And it does not necessarily mean that you are a bad friend. It just doesn't make sense that you carry their burden. In the long run kasi lahat kayo miserable. That's not good.

I had a very toxic friend. After about a decade of putting up with her, I just decided I don't need to put up with it. I expanded my set of friends. Ngayon, meron na akong good friend na hindi nakakabobo.

[iamklarisse]

I am introvert so it is a bit of a challenge to make new friends but kinda exciting too. You have any tips?

Introvert din ako sis Start with the people around you. If close ka sa family mo, then, schedule weekly dates with them. If close kayo ng officemates, then, go and hang out once in a while. Try to keep yourself busy by hanging out with potential mentors as well. Initiate to have "coffee dates" with successful people who have already reached your dreams. Dun pa lang, ubos na oras mo Kaya mo yan! Go sis!

[DeathToMondays]

You can attend to your needs and still be a good friend. But are they being good friends to you if they constantly turn you into their emotional dumping ground?

Some people may have major issues that take years to resolve. After a year of venting, your friends may be self-absorbed and are already using you as a convenient buffer for their inaction.

Limit your interaction with them. Listen, then politely excuse yourself with something else to do. Or suggest an activity / topic that you would enjoy instead. Expand your circles and focus on stuff that you makes you happy.

Remind your friends you're there for them, but don't let them take your company for granted. You can't be a good friend to others if you're not a good friend to yourself first.   

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

Amen for bilog ang mundo, if ikaw ang nagkaproblema at sabihin ni friend na nakakapgod ka paulit ulit ka, how would you feel? But to be honest I do have friends din na ganyan, and to be honest once again ganyan din ako minsan. Minsan nakakapagod talaga marami ka na ngang problema sumasabay pa sila. I suggest habaan mo pa pisi mo, pag hindi na kaya mag invisible ka na lang sa fb at deadmahin text or calls nila, or tell them busy ka. Pero pag kaya mo na uling umalalay balik ka na lang, magrecharge ka lang, ika nga.