Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional

[trizh]

i am an advocate of womens' rights, and reading your stories here makes me wanna cry...

it really takes a lot of strength to get out of an abusive relationship.... and for all those who had the courage to break away, i congratulate you...

 -- hindi lang yan sis.. try to read other stories sa ibang thread.. =)

[cristeen]

Emotional and Verbal abuse are more damaging than physical abuse. Physical, the scars and bruises can be seen by people who love you, then they can support you, then they can comfort you. It would be very clear to you that the problem lies on the physical abuser.

Emotional and verbal on the other hand, it's not visible by others. You keep the scars alone. It damages your spirit. It kills your soul. You begin to think and you believe that the verbal lash out coming from your partner is true. Your self-esteem will evaporate. The psychological abuse is far more damaging to  a person. If you leave your partner (inevitable), you will need therapist not for the break-up but for the effects of abuse in your character. It will cause decades of pain as you try to deal with the parts of you that were reacting to abuse that had long since stopped.

If you are a victim or verbal and emotional abuse, either you do counselling or you leave.

[lesters_gal]

sis be strong and dont forget to pray.

[trizh]

  -- tama .. kailngan talaga ng kausap ng mga naabuse para hindi sila masyado mahirapan..

[chinita_charm]

my MIL and SILs are physically abused by one person. Si MIL physically and verbally abused sha ng husband niya after 38 years of marriage. just recently narinig na lang shang umiiyak ng mga kapitbahay and sinapak na ng husband niya maga ang mukha at ang laki ng bukol. ang mga SILs ko naman they're sexually abused by their father. pag natutulog sila nagigising na lang daw silang may humihipo sa parts ng body nila at pinagtangkaan niya ang isang SIL ko. up to now magkakasama pa rin sila sa bahay. they chose to be quiet. dahil daw sa kahihiyan.

I feel sorry for them. So sorry dahil wala silang lakas ng loob na mag salita sa authority. Maingay ang bibig nila sa ibang bagay pero takot silang harapin ang dapat para sa sarili nila.

[abp]

I know it took a lot of courage for our dear sisters to share their stories. I am a physician and I did volunteer work for an organization that extends help to women in abusive relationships. They offer temporary shelter, counselling, legal and medical advice. Please feel free to PM me if you (or your friends) would want to get in touch with this organization.

[cher.liman]

Feeling ko I've been scarred for life, I've been dealing with depression on and off. Mahirap but there is hope, we can move on but it will take time.

[chinita_charm]

^ why sis? anong nag bother sa'yo?

[cher.liman]

I was a victim of verbal, physical and emotional abuse at a young age. Teen pa lang ako nun but I'm in my 20's na feeling ko andun pa din kahit wala na. Andun yun takot, the feeling that I cant trust anybody basta magulo.

[Gloria_0113]

We really need to pray for those who are currently experiencing verbal and physical abuse from their husbands. 

If there's any consolation, nothing in this world is forever everything will end.  I always believed in the law of nature --- KARMA. Darating rin ang oras nila. Always pray and stay brave.

[sistah!]

I was in an abusive relationship around 2004. It finally ended 2006. Now I have  different life. I have a job, im back in school, I am quite happy in many accounts but sometimes I still have flashes of those days and Im still scared. Im always afraid of meeting men who would hit me. Is this normal? Does this burden never go away?

[bmitch]

^I do envy you dear. Buti ka pa nakakalas ka na. I'm in the thinking stage right now.

I was physically, verbally, emotionally abused since 2000. I still married him at 2002. Lived with him until 2004 pero umuwi na ko sa mga magulang ko nung dumating si Belle to minimize the abuse. Tuwing weekend na lang kami magkasama. And the worse right now, he stopped supporting Belle at 2. Now she's 4. And I think mas makakabuti kung mag-abroad na lang si hubby.

[betrayed0403]

^sis, please be strong for your daughter. let go of the hurt... rehearsing the hurt won't make you feel better.

since he stopped supporting your daughter, (was that financial support you're referring to?) and you only see him every weekend, you might as well end your agony and hope for a better life without him.

hope things will be better for you, sis...

[Babebee]

I'm looking for a group against verbal violence. Is there any? I need to talk to somebody, i need advice, i need help but i can't write well thats the problem. Mas masasabi ko mga daing and tanung ko sa phone. Please email me your number kung meron man gustong tumulong sa akin. Thank you

[BohemianHotnezz]

for the past few days i've been browsing through ur posts about ur own traumatic experiences with ur abusive partners, ur advices, how u dealt with it, ur confusions, and unrelenting pain... i wanted to cry but for some reasons, i couldn't bring myself to, perhaps because i'm still in a denial stage.

i've been with "E" (my partner) for more than a year now. our relationship has been a roller coaster ride. i kept on telling myself that it's ok.it's normal. everybody's going through this kind of problem anyway so why should i dwell on it.

"E" is a touchy person. he enjoys holding me. cuddling with me. he tells me stories of his childhood. he loves to crack jokes and make me laugh. he always wants to make me laugh and sees to it that i take care of myself.. he envisions his future with me.
i just so love his bubbly face and his eyes that can promise you everything...and can be as cold as ice in winter morning when he's not in the mood and in rage.

the first time he hurt me was quite unacceptable, at least, to those who had witnessed it. he choked me in public, and left me crying my lungs out, leaving marks of his fingers on my neck.i was in total shock... then i forgave him thinking that probably he was right. that it was my fault, that i somehow provoked him.

Then there were more bruises in my arms. he would slap my face several times whenever he's angry and couldn't control it. it hurt so much...physically...emotionally. he would be mad about my crying, my being sensitive and call it "pagiinarte". he would get mad whenever he asked me a question and i couldn't answer immediately..then i would always tell him that i'm a woman--emotional by nature and that it's ok for us women to cry. he would curse on me, tell me a lot of hurtful words, insult and mock me. he would threaten to break up with me everytime we fight. but then i still thought, probably he's just like that. i just need to accept him for who he is, that he's by nature a temperemental person, that i shouldn't provoke him. probably, i
was just being too sensitive...almost always, i would beg him not to leave. 


That saturday afternoon was different, worse than the usual.  We had a fight over something. think it was about me getting "pikon" of his pang-aasar.  It was because i just got from my graveyard shift and so tired of having to walk under the blazing sun from our office to his place.  i bought him some food to munch on thinking he would appreciate it. Unfortunately, he did not.  It's just the way he is and i can bear with that.  he's not an appreciative kind of person.  It was probably his being inconsiderate that aggrevated the issue. he fired up. in rage once again.  he dragged me from his room to their living room. ignore my nervous breakdown, insisting that i was just faking it.

I wasn't crying at all just like what he wanted me to do. i was lying in his bed, tired and wanting to just sleep and be "gone" for a while. He was tryng to talk to me and i was not answering back. He was trying to make me stand up which, apparently, i couldn't do coz i hadn't eaten yet nor drank a single glass of water for almost 12 hours. All of a sudden, a freezin' cold water came pourin' on my head. a lot of it went inside my left ear.  he texted my mom that i was about to commit suicide. My mother
didn't have any inkling what was going on that time. they hardly know "E" ( as much as possible, i don't want them to be affected especially my daughter. i'm a single mom by the way. I want to put them under the impression that I am happy)...
I had a nervous breakdown, and i could no longer feel my upper body..  I begged him to bring me to a hospital. but he kept on slapping my face real hard. while he' was doing that, I suddenly came to a realization that it wasn't the physical abuse that
was so painful but the thought of wanting to be with him, spending the rest of my life with him, yet bearing with all of these beating just because i love him so much.....

walking away is easier said than done. i wish i already have the courage to finally do it...

now i'm crying again...

[Paulo]

^ Hi BohemianHotnezz,

Here's my take ....

People find it hard to break away from an abusive partner because of several things. The first being, that they are in-love. People who'd look at the problem plainly will only see the monster but may not be able to understand that these monsters have a charming, very loving, alter egos. The one that's lovable, even dependable. And would you believe they're even taken as trustworthy? Then the battering comes into the picture. It's methodical with clockwork precision. It always is, otherwise it wouldn't be as effective. First the verbal abuse which causes emotional stress. Such stress forces into the victims' head an ugly picture. That they are worthless, they had this coming, and that they deserve to be called by whatever names their abusers decides to call them by. Then the emotional torture. That's where threats of leaving them, dumping them, feeding them to the wolves, comes in. This is around the time Fear, Humiliation, and Inferiority is played to the hilt. Then the physical abuse is turned on. The brutal nature of it blocks out any further rationalization. The pain inflicted acts as a solid form of judgement giving the victims a taste of what they once more "deserve". The pain they say is 10x as painful because of the emotional trauma the set-up provided. And it stops. But when it stops, it's not because the victims have proven themselves to be right all along, but rather because the abusers are simulating either a cease fire or worse a show of Mercy. Again to force the idea that is was the victim's fault to begin with, and to force yet another idea that the abusers have total control. The abusers then justify their actions. Why the "need" for such reactions. Charm the victims back into a false sense of security. Sometimes use sex to make them feel comfortable, and wait for another day for further abuse. Other times, sex is even used as the punishment. A means to make them feel more worthless.

Over a period of time, such abuse causes women to lose faith in themselves. Some even lose a sense of themselves. That's where low self esteem works for the abusers. Making their supposed Dependability, necessary for their victims. That's where victims develop various insecurities. Making them unable to think beyond their current relationship. They start believing that they indeed deserve to be abused. And to top it all, they find the outside world scarier than the current hell they are living in. A perfect trap.

Why am I sharing this with you? So you would understand? No. If what I wrote makes the grade, you'll probably find reasons to avoid thinking about it right around the time you decide to give him one more chance. Right around the time you start believing that he loves you back. Hey. You may even share it with him and give him a chance to sweet-talk you into justifying why he doesn't fit the profile.   What you need Miss is to share your ordeal with someone. Someone who will pull you out of that mess. Someone who will have to decide for you, and you would allow to decide for you. Someone whose decision you will honor.

You don't deserve this. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated like that. But you're not in a position to decide for yourself. If you were, you would have be smart enough to have walked away from this. What you need is to find someone you can trust and allow them to decide for you. .... Of course I'm hoping "E" hasn't made you turn against your Friends and Family yet. If he has, then we're in trouble.

I admire your strength, Miss. I think withstanding such abuse shows us how women are stronger than what men give them credit for. But you deserve better. They say that people choose the wrong things and in this case, the wrong relationship, not because it's the wrong choice. But because they mistook it to be Happiness.

Here's hoping you work your way out of there.

God bless.

[marief2rnurse]

San po ba dapat humingi ng help kung kinakatakutan namin ng 7 yr old ko ang dad nya, never kami married but til now nanggugulo pa rin.

[arlene1018]

to babebee, u can text or call me at this number, 09266143145. try to text or call me evrynow and then coz there are times na nkakaoff phone ko. il wait for your text today. or u can give me ur number para i can text u now.......... tnx!

[BohemianHotnezz]

^to paulo

i guess ur [textspeak!]. i won't be able to do it by myself.

i badly need help...

[Paulo]

Hi BohemianHotnezz,

I wish I could to tell you that now would be a good time to pack your bags, leave your abusive BF behind, and rely on family and friends to pull you through. But that sounds too easy, it's probably not going to work Yet.

So why don't we start with something basic. Draw the line and convince yourself that you're going to make a stand. Now would be good time for you to share your problems with at least one, good, trusted friend. You need that source of confidence. Someone to point you towards the right direction minus the pressure.

Pray din. ... Pray for Enlightenment ha, and don't pray that "E" changes. Guidance is a much easier request compared to Miracles.

Kidding aside, Prayers work wonders. Prayers brings forth amazing results. So Pray. Pray for strength, courage, and while at it asking for a brand new car wouldn't hurt.