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News & Features => Women's Issues => Violence Against Women => Topic started by: scorpiowolf on September 06, 2007, 05:03:41 pm

Title: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on September 06, 2007, 05:03:41 pm
Hi! Im trying to sort things out with my marriage right now by separating from my husband. Although Im not closing any doors, I really dont know what will happen at this point. All I know is that I will not go back into that marriage if things dont CHANGE, and if he doesnt commit to making the changes.

First of all my husbad verbally abuses me. I dont want to go into the details of that abuse bec verbal abuse is something very difficult to understand unless you are a victim yourself. My best friend has known of the verbal abuse, but she had to witness my husband and me fighting one time for her to understand the kind of abusive hell i was telling her about! She cried for days in pity for me after she heard my husband rage on me, and for the first time she understood how abusive my husband was. She was crying to me and telling me to get out of the marriage for my own sake and my sons sake, bec I was being treated like an animal. (Sad reality is though that many people undermine verbal abuse bec its difficult to understand. One must experience/witness it to know it.)

2nd, physical abuse. I wouldnt say Im your typical battered wife, who has suffered many brusies and loosened teeth (Thank God!). But nevertheless, there have been times Id feel violated. Ive been dragged, pulled (while holding our baby), shoved, pinned down on different instances. I have been punched but only on one incident and he only punched me 2x that incident. I dunno, am I exaggerated about the physical abuse, or am i in denial about being abused? Point is the fights have escalated and Im worried now that hes officially "hit" me, its something that he will keep doing. I always thought doesnt matter how bad you get hurt, but a woman should never be physically hurt under any circumstance.

3rd, Infidelity. He has been infaithful repeatedly over the course of our short marriage. Once was even at a time when I had left him and he was begging me back and promising me the moon and stars. Little did i know, he was unfaithful that exact same time. He would beg me to go out with him, Id say no, then after I say no, hed go straight to the girls house.

I was no perfect wife by any means. U had many many shortcomings. But these are my reasons for wanting time apart, and considering if it should be a permanent separation. Its the most difficult thing in the world. But I need to stop the cycle. I deserve to be treated better, and my son deserves to grow up in a more peaceful environment.

Lastly, I decided to make this thread bec after i posted on another thread about the story of my most recent bout of abuse, someone emailed me asking for help and advice bec she was recently very battered and beat up by her husband. I tried to give her the best advice I could, but unfortunately she never replied and often I wonder how she is. I guess she just wanted to reach out, just like I myself feel the need to reach out when Im at my lowest of lows. Reaching out unloads a lot of my burden, and its very comforting sometimes when you hear of people who carries that same burden, even if the sharing and reaching out is all done in anonimity.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: gorgeous_mommie on September 06, 2007, 05:11:14 pm
i feel so sorry for you..sorry for us...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ebiko on September 12, 2007, 07:08:57 pm
good thing sis, you've got the courage to break away from that kind of battery ...

its time to draw the line!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: francescamari on September 14, 2007, 04:28:15 am
I don't think there is any justification for abuse. I feel bad that men actually do these things to hurt their wives and girlfriends just because they can't control their anger in any other way.

Anyway, I'm a 3rd year BS Psychology student from UP Diliman and my groupmates and I are working on a study about emotional abuse in romantic relationships (BF-GF and spousal) for our Field Methods final paper. We're actually looking for women ages 20-39 in BF-GF and spousal relationships for our interviews and FGDs. Would you happen to be interested to participate in either? Your confidentiality will be assured.

In case you're interested and you'd like to know more, please email me at chesca.sumilang AT yahoo DOT com :)

Hoping for your reply,
Chesca
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sheluvsmemon on September 19, 2007, 08:21:52 pm
scorpiowolf , im sorry to hear that sis, i hope you will find peace in any decision youre going to make...i will pray for you and your son sis....Take Care
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: gorgeous_mommie on September 20, 2007, 04:51:47 pm
oh my.. i feel bad for you talaga sis... sana nga powerfull na ang batas natin re battered wifes issues na yan.......
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Starlust on September 20, 2007, 05:01:59 pm
Sorry to hear about your situation.

I was a victim of extreme verbal and physical abuse by an ex-boyfriend.

It took me a while to get out of the horrible situation I was in but I'm ok now. It's true that it takes a long time for battered women to say with finality that they'll leave their abusive partners; but once you see the light - you'll never go back :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on September 20, 2007, 07:29:58 pm
^^ sis how did you do it? how did you finally move on?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on September 20, 2007, 11:56:40 pm
sis scorpiowolf, i have been in the same boat as you are now. obvious naman sa username ko, di ba? :D
i have been in those horrible moments...tinatanong ko nga sarili ko kung normal pa ako eh. hehe
i was a medical student, dropped out and got married at age 22. had 3 children and was a plain housewife for 12 years! i threw my ultimate dream for my husband. i thought it will be all worth it pero hindi pala...
siguro, you will agree with me... the most painful thing a woman could possibly bear is infidelity. mahirap dalhin. parang something's taken away from you.
but you know, God really had other plans for me that's why i can't complain. i still feel blessed! i just waited for His moves... and everything leaned towards a better direction. i am now working, the way I see myself and the world changed (before, parang ang bitter bitter ko, parang ang pangit pangit ko)... and with God's grace... little by little... my marriage is restored.
sis, i know you're in a very difficult situation right now. ako nga, 4 years na 'yong betrayal pero 'pag naaalala ko, naiiyak pa rin ako (kahit na nakita ko na 'yong girl sa friendster...ang pangit pala! hahaha sinayang ko luha ko, my dear! LOL) :D. pray and be strong for your kids.  :)
hay naku, give yourself a break. forgiving a person isn't about feelings... it is a decision to make. and if you're ready to forgive him, do it. well, trusting (or loving) him isn't included in the package. he has to do something extraordinary to win you back. love yourself. give yourself a time to think and to heal.
and lastly... nakita mo na ba 'yong other woman? for sure, mas maganda ka sa kanya... mas matalino... mas mabait... why? logic will dictate na kung maganda ang isang babae, sensible and kind... hindi siya papatol sa married man! hindi ba? no'ng single tayo, we can choose our man (well, hindi nga lang naging tama ang choice... LOL) pero, maraming manliligaw and having a married man as a lover was never an option (personally ha?)!
smile ka na... paganda ka ulit, sis... sabi nga ng friend ko: "Looking good is the greatest revenge."
if you need someone to talk to, just send me an email. i will be glad to give you my two cents.
God bless...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: cher.liman on September 21, 2007, 01:58:33 am
i feel for u sis scorpiowolf, i was a victim of verbal, physical and emotional abuse by my first bf too. i also understand how it feels when during those times all u want is a hug and reach out to someone, it makes a very huge diff.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Sui_Generis on September 21, 2007, 08:28:53 am
I'd been thinking if I should contribute in this thread or not, protecting a part of my past I dare not speak. But I guess I see no reason why I should pass up the opportunity to reach out to those who are in this situation today or not so long ago.

I know this will be a long one so pardon me.

I had quite a handful of boyfriends before I had my first same sex relationship. I never experienced any abuse of any sort with my previous boyfriends that's why when I had a lesbian partner, I thought it'll just be the same but turns out, I was in for a very, very unpleasant surprise.

She's not the butch/dyke type of lesbian. She dresses like a real femme and came from a reputable family from Cebu. She's an IT entrepreneur and a very educated one.

We were together for 7 months and I thank God I mustered the courage to get out of that relationship in no time.

Our first month was sheer bliss -- she'd cook for me, we'd go out a lot and had a great time until she revealed her true self the following month.

She's promiscuous, a liar, a cheater and physically and verbally abusive person.

She went to bed with different women while we were still together and that included having intercourse with her ex-girlfriend who cheated on her for a guy and the ex has a very loose reputation as well. I learned about all of these because I "hacked" her e-mail account when inconsistencies became apparent. I knew it was bad and unclassy of me but what's a girl got to do when the push turned to shove?

Apart from screwing her ex, one night stand were among her fave sexual activities - her chatmates, credit card agents, clients and prospects for her webhosting company -- she would all bed them so long as there was a willing participant.

The greatest revelation though to me came as a shocking one. Her little webhosting company, her condo rental etc were being financed by a Iranian-American guy who's as old as my grandfather and it turned out, they were not just business partners but they were romantically involved.

Talk about perversity!

And when I learned of her indiscretions and confronted her, she was so shocked but a smooth talker that she was and because I was lovefool and inexperienced, I forgave her and that's when my life became hell.

She's verbally abusive to the point that I totally lost my self-esteem and believed I was no good and nobody would ever love me. I let her demean me and my family and I just swallowed her insults. I let her mock my family just because we were not that financially endowed compared to her. I lost the person I used to be.

She didnt stop there though. Apart from her uncontrollable womanizing, she was so physically abusive. I would not want to go into details but let me tell you bruises, hematoma, scratches, bite marks and what-have-you were common during those days. But mind you, she knew where to strike. She wouldn't hit me at those areas which remained visible and concentrated on those that are usually covered. I would go to graduate school everyday as if I had come from an initiation rites and sitting in a chair was a Herculean task.

I was even more afraid of contracting disease because of her promiscuity. I come from a family of doctors and nurses and that would be embarrassing should I acquire any disease. Not to mention, outrightly unhygienic. When I refused all her sexual advances, she got furious and that started most of the beating.

I never told a soul what I was going through. I didnt want to burden anybody nor admit implicitly that taking her as a partner was a mistake.

December 2004, after 7 agonizing months, when I called it quits. I just woke up one morning and it dawned on me that she'd never change. That no matter how hard I try to make her feel that she was loved by me, the abuses wouldnt stop. That by staying longer, I was giving her enough reasons to hurt me in unimaginable ways.

Fast forward 2007. I can say I am happy and at peace now. I am with a lesbian lover who treats me right and accordingly. She knows of my past and had accepted me and taught me that nobody has the right to hurt me or any person for that matter. My family and friends helped me when I was searching for my old self. I am pursuing my dream in the legal profession and has been blessed to be loved by people around me.

Sometimes, smart women commit stupid mistakes. It's what they had learned and the act of preventing themselves to do the same mistakes that matters after coming out of the hell hole.

My ex still communicates with me (the nerve) and wants me back. From what I know, she's financially troubled and has never had any constant lover.

It's called karma, baby and it goes around...

 8)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: girlie11 on January 02, 2008, 05:21:13 pm
hi sis scorpiowolf, it's been 3 months. kamusta ka na?

sorry medyo late akong napunta sa thread na ito.. just that there has been very recent incident to a member of my family that was on this same situation. abusive husband. actually ang trato na nga nung lalake sa babae is parang alipin. tipong kahit may sakit yung wife, sya pa yung inuutusan bumili ng sigarilyo nya (hubby). he's never appreciative of the wife too, kung laitin sa harap ng barkada nya ganun-ganun na lang.. to think wala naman syang contribution sa family nila financially. this has been going on for quite sometime until may nangyari na nga na incident na napuno na yung wife. ayun nagpunta na sya sa womens desk to file RA9262 - Anti-violence against women act. On your situation, this would also apply. why not try it?

hope this helps.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: beautycraze2 on February 15, 2008, 01:45:05 am
psychological abuse was the most demeaning thing that my partner has done to me.he is very nice in all aspects, very responsible, does the household chores, sweet and caring but i can never forget the fact that during the times that we were cool off, he had sex with a prostitute by going to airforce1 flight 168 na brothel house in paranaque.and also with the friend of his barkada. he has committed those things in a week that we  were not together, when i found out about it, sobrang sorry siya, sising sisi daw siya.iyak siya ng iyak asking for another chance. it was very hard for me, pero considering our pinagsamahan, it was the only wrong thing that he did during our relationship.sobrang sakit pero i still gave him a chance, kasi i feel lost without him.kahit na im a very strong person in a lot of aspects, like striving for my own business, being the eldest, financially independent and all, pag dating sa relationship, sobrang hina ko, di ko nakaya na wala siya... when i gave him a second chance, ang naging problema ko naman is i caught him a lot of times, with lots of porns(dvds, stored in his laptop) and pix of women sa laptop nya na pinagpapantasyahan niya.i felt so sick about it. nandidiri talaga ako, and i cant believe im still with this person. iniisip ko nga, t**** ko naman, o ang laki siguro ng deficit ng pagkatao ko bakit di ko pa kayang iwan siya kahit diring diri ako sa mga ginagawa niya..and also prior to our relationship, he made kwento pa how he had orgy sessions with his barkada and dami na niyang naka sex more than 20 including ONS, tapos pina painom pa nila yung babae ng valium with alcohol para bagsak, semi rape nga.. pero with me, i did not experience any of it. we were friends and lovers at the same time and i cant believe that he has this other side about himself. i feel very abused.i pray that i can get out of this relationship someday
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: DrQuinn on February 19, 2008, 05:24:12 am
Have u tried t ocall the women's helpdesk??? It would be the best thing (i think) to do.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: tamarind26 on February 19, 2008, 06:02:21 am
I feel for all the battered women out there.Being a survivor of what-used-to-be a troubled marriage, I can say now that it's a matter of choice & strong faith.Lahat na yata nadaanan na namin ni hubby except nalang yung infidelity.Because of one incident that almost cost hubby his life, dun na niya na-realize na kailangan na niyang magbago.He did & it was God's divine intervention that made him change.

Ang pinakamahirap lang for me that time is forgiveness.Di pa ako nakarecover emotionally agad nun.It took years for me to heal.Dumating nalang one day na wala na yung pain na nararamdaman ko sa kanya & I felt na I've totally forgiven him na.

So painful to remember pero the experience made us both stronger & better persons now.Keep the faith mga sis.You are not alone in all your struggle.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: oracLe on February 20, 2008, 01:51:04 am
oh well, ako bata pa ko lagi na ko nagugulpi ng mga tito ko, lalo na nung nasa abroad mom ko...hanggang nung andito na sya ule kase tapat lang ng bahay namin yung bahay ng isa kong tito...hanggang sa nakalipat na kami dito sa QC, may times na andito sila...

pero di ko lang matanggap pati younger bro ko...mas bata sya pero ang laki nya hehe kumpara saken ang liit-liit ko. siguro natatawanan ko na lang kase ilang taon na rin, parang nasanay na lang ako :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Pattybee on February 20, 2008, 10:22:16 am
scorpiowolf, congratulations on being able to step out of that troubled marriage so you can clear your head and decide what's best for you and for your son. Good thing your husband agreed to this temporary separation. I've never been abused by a man (thank God) but I know others who've been and still are in your situation. I know it took a lot of courage for you to leave, even if you feel it's not on a permanent basis yet. The fact that you managed to convince yourself that it's time to think things over seriously.

I feel sorry for all the women I know who haven't been able to gather enough strength to leave their abusive husbands. I always pray for those I know who want to start fresh but can't because they don't know how.

I wish you all the best.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trizh on February 22, 2008, 07:18:14 pm
  -- wow.. wala akong masabe kundi wow.. tapang mo sis.. saludo ako sayo..  :) wish you all the best..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sugardrop on February 26, 2008, 07:39:31 am
wow---the word that immediately popped into my mind when i finished reading the posts here.

i admire you all and good luck. :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: delphinos2005 on March 01, 2008, 01:20:37 pm
i am an advocate of womens' rights, and reading your stories here makes me wanna cry...

it really takes a lot of strength to get out of an abusive relationship.... and for all those who had the courage to break away, i congratulate you...

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trizh on March 01, 2008, 04:17:00 pm
i am an advocate of womens' rights, and reading your stories here makes me wanna cry...

it really takes a lot of strength to get out of an abusive relationship.... and for all those who had the courage to break away, i congratulate you...



 -- hindi lang yan sis.. try to read other stories sa ibang thread.. =)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: cristeen on March 14, 2008, 12:35:38 am
Emotional and Verbal abuse are more damaging than physical abuse. Physical, the scars and bruises can be seen by people who love you, then they can support you, then they can comfort you. It would be very clear to you that the problem lies on the physical abuser.

Emotional and verbal on the other hand, it's not visible by others. You keep the scars alone. It damages your spirit. It kills your soul. You begin to think and you believe that the verbal lash out coming from your partner is true. Your self-esteem will evaporate. The psychological abuse is far more damaging to  a person. If you leave your partner (inevitable), you will need therapist not for the break-up but for the effects of abuse in your character. It will cause decades of pain as you try to deal with the parts of you that were reacting to abuse that had long since stopped.

If you are a victim or verbal and emotional abuse, either you do counselling or you leave.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: lesters_gal on March 14, 2008, 09:59:05 pm
sis be strong and dont forget to pray.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trizh on March 25, 2008, 07:50:40 am
  -- tama .. kailngan talaga ng kausap ng mga naabuse para hindi sila masyado mahirapan..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chinita_charm on March 26, 2008, 08:05:24 am
my MIL and SILs are physically abused by one person. Si MIL physically and verbally abused sha ng husband niya after 38 years of marriage. just recently narinig na lang shang umiiyak ng mga kapitbahay and sinapak na ng husband niya maga ang mukha at ang laki ng bukol. ang mga SILs ko naman they're sexually abused by their father. pag natutulog sila nagigising na lang daw silang may humihipo sa parts ng body nila at pinagtangkaan niya ang isang SIL ko. up to now magkakasama pa rin sila sa bahay. they chose to be quiet. dahil daw sa kahihiyan.

I feel sorry for them. So sorry dahil wala silang lakas ng loob na mag salita sa authority. Maingay ang bibig nila sa ibang bagay pero takot silang harapin ang dapat para sa sarili nila.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: abp on April 04, 2008, 12:41:14 am
I know it took a lot of courage for our dear sisters to share their stories. I am a physician and I did volunteer work for an organization that extends help to women in abusive relationships. They offer temporary shelter, counselling, legal and medical advice. Please feel free to PM me if you (or your friends) would want to get in touch with this organization.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: cher.liman on April 04, 2008, 01:01:32 am
Feeling ko I've been scarred for life, I've been dealing with depression on and off. Mahirap but there is hope, we can move on but it will take time.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chinita_charm on April 04, 2008, 01:07:31 am
^ why sis? anong nag bother sa'yo?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: cher.liman on April 04, 2008, 01:17:02 am
I was a victim of verbal, physical and emotional abuse at a young age. Teen pa lang ako nun but I'm in my 20's na feeling ko andun pa din kahit wala na. Andun yun takot, the feeling that I cant trust anybody basta magulo. :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Gloria_0113 on April 17, 2008, 11:20:01 am
We really need to pray for those who are currently experiencing verbal and physical abuse from their husbands. 

If there's any consolation, nothing in this world is forever everything will end.  I always believed in the law of nature --- KARMA. Darating rin ang oras nila. Always pray and stay brave.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sistah! on April 22, 2008, 04:55:55 pm
I was in an abusive relationship around 2004. It finally ended 2006. Now I have  different life. I have a job, im back in school, I am quite happy in many accounts but sometimes I still have flashes of those days and Im still scared. Im always afraid of meeting men who would hit me. Is this normal? Does this burden never go away?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: bmitch on April 22, 2008, 08:18:37 pm
^I do envy you dear. Buti ka pa nakakalas ka na. I'm in the thinking stage right now.

I was physically, verbally, emotionally abused since 2000. I still married him at 2002. Lived with him until 2004 pero umuwi na ko sa mga magulang ko nung dumating si Belle to minimize the abuse. Tuwing weekend na lang kami magkasama. And the worse right now, he stopped supporting Belle at 2. Now she's 4. And I think mas makakabuti kung mag-abroad na lang si hubby.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on April 23, 2008, 01:15:23 pm
^sis, please be strong for your daughter. let go of the hurt... rehearsing the hurt won't make you feel better.

since he stopped supporting your daughter, (was that financial support you're referring to?) and you only see him every weekend, you might as well end your agony and hope for a better life without him.

hope things will be better for you, sis...


Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Babebee on May 04, 2008, 10:52:55 pm
I'm looking for a group against verbal violence. Is there any? I need to talk to somebody, i need advice, i need help but i can't write well thats the problem. Mas masasabi ko mga daing and tanung ko sa phone. Please email me your number kung meron man gustong tumulong sa akin. Thank you
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: BohemianHotnezz on May 05, 2008, 11:54:09 am
for the past few days i've been browsing through ur posts about ur own traumatic experiences with ur abusive partners, ur advices, how u dealt with it, ur confusions, and unrelenting pain... i wanted to cry but for some reasons, i couldn't bring myself to, perhaps because i'm still in a denial stage.

i've been with "E" (my partner) for more than a year now. our relationship has been a roller coaster ride. i kept on telling myself that it's ok.it's normal. everybody's going through this kind of problem anyway so why should i dwell on it.

"E" is a touchy person. he enjoys holding me. cuddling with me. he tells me stories of his childhood. he loves to crack jokes and make me laugh. he always wants to make me laugh and sees to it that i take care of myself.. he envisions his future with me.
i just so love his bubbly face and his eyes that can promise you everything...and can be as cold as ice in winter morning when he's not in the mood and in rage.

the first time he hurt me was quite unacceptable, at least, to those who had witnessed it. he choked me in public, and left me crying my lungs out, leaving marks of his fingers on my neck.i was in total shock... then i forgave him thinking that probably he was right. that it was my fault, that i somehow provoked him.

Then there were more bruises in my arms. he would slap my face several times whenever he's angry and couldn't control it. it hurt so much...physically...emotionally. he would be mad about my crying, my being sensitive and call it "pagiinarte". he would get mad whenever he asked me a question and i couldn't answer immediately..then i would always tell him that i'm a woman--emotional by nature and that it's ok for us women to cry. he would curse on me, tell me a lot of hurtful words, insult and mock me. he would threaten to break up with me everytime we fight. but then i still thought, probably he's just like that. i just need to accept him for who he is, that he's by nature a temperemental person, that i shouldn't provoke him. probably, i
was just being too sensitive...almost always, i would beg him not to leave. 


That saturday afternoon was different, worse than the usual.  We had a fight over something. think it was about me getting "pikon" of his pang-aasar.  It was because i just got from my graveyard shift and so tired of having to walk under the blazing sun from our office to his place.  i bought him some food to munch on thinking he would appreciate it. Unfortunately, he did not.  It's just the way he is and i can bear with that.  he's not an appreciative kind of person.  It was probably his being inconsiderate that aggrevated the issue. he fired up. in rage once again.  he dragged me from his room to their living room. ignore my nervous breakdown, insisting that i was just faking it.

I wasn't crying at all just like what he wanted me to do. i was lying in his bed, tired and wanting to just sleep and be "gone" for a while. He was tryng to talk to me and i was not answering back. He was trying to make me stand up which, apparently, i couldn't do coz i hadn't eaten yet nor drank a single glass of water for almost 12 hours. All of a sudden, a freezin' cold water came pourin' on my head. a lot of it went inside my left ear.  he texted my mom that i was about to commit suicide. My mother
didn't have any inkling what was going on that time. they hardly know "E" ( as much as possible, i don't want them to be affected especially my daughter. i'm a single mom by the way. I want to put them under the impression that I am happy)...
I had a nervous breakdown, and i could no longer feel my upper body..  I begged him to bring me to a hospital. but he kept on slapping my face real hard. while he' was doing that, I suddenly came to a realization that it wasn't the physical abuse that
was so painful but the thought of wanting to be with him, spending the rest of my life with him, yet bearing with all of these beating just because i love him so much.....

walking away is easier said than done. i wish i already have the courage to finally do it...

now i'm crying again... :'(


Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on May 05, 2008, 03:39:08 pm
^ Hi BohemianHotnezz,

Here's my take ....

People find it hard to break away from an abusive partner because of several things. The first being, that they are in-love. People who'd look at the problem plainly will only see the monster but may not be able to understand that these monsters have a charming, very loving, alter egos. The one that's lovable, even dependable. And would you believe they're even taken as trustworthy? Then the battering comes into the picture. It's methodical with clockwork precision. It always is, otherwise it wouldn't be as effective. First the verbal abuse which causes emotional stress. Such stress forces into the victims' head an ugly picture. That they are worthless, they had this coming, and that they deserve to be called by whatever names their abusers decides to call them by. Then the emotional torture. That's where threats of leaving them, dumping them, feeding them to the wolves, comes in. This is around the time Fear, Humiliation, and Inferiority is played to the hilt. Then the physical abuse is turned on. The brutal nature of it blocks out any further rationalization. The pain inflicted acts as a solid form of judgement giving the victims a taste of what they once more "deserve". The pain they say is 10x as painful because of the emotional trauma the set-up provided. And it stops. But when it stops, it's not because the victims have proven themselves to be right all along, but rather because the abusers are simulating either a cease fire or worse a show of Mercy. Again to force the idea that is was the victim's fault to begin with, and to force yet another idea that the abusers have total control. The abusers then justify their actions. Why the "need" for such reactions. Charm the victims back into a false sense of security. Sometimes use sex to make them feel comfortable, and wait for another day for further abuse. Other times, sex is even used as the punishment. A means to make them feel more worthless.

Over a period of time, such abuse causes women to lose faith in themselves. Some even lose a sense of themselves. That's where low self esteem works for the abusers. Making their supposed Dependability, necessary for their victims. That's where victims develop various insecurities. Making them unable to think beyond their current relationship. They start believing that they indeed deserve to be abused. And to top it all, they find the outside world scarier than the current hell they are living in. A perfect trap.

Why am I sharing this with you? So you would understand? No. If what I wrote makes the grade, you'll probably find reasons to avoid thinking about it right around the time you decide to give him one more chance. Right around the time you start believing that he loves you back. Hey. You may even share it with him and give him a chance to sweet-talk you into justifying why he doesn't fit the profile. ;)  What you need Miss is to share your ordeal with someone. Someone who will pull you out of that mess. Someone who will have to decide for you, and you would allow to decide for you. Someone whose decision you will honor.

You don't deserve this. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated like that. But you're not in a position to decide for yourself. If you were, you would have be smart enough to have walked away from this. What you need is to find someone you can trust and allow them to decide for you. .... Of course I'm hoping "E" hasn't made you turn against your Friends and Family yet. If he has, then we're in trouble. ;)

I admire your strength, Miss. I think withstanding such abuse shows us how women are stronger than what men give them credit for. But you deserve better. They say that people choose the wrong things and in this case, the wrong relationship, not because it's the wrong choice. But because they mistook it to be Happiness.

Here's hoping you work your way out of there.

God bless.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: marief2rnurse on May 06, 2008, 01:48:28 am
San po ba dapat humingi ng help kung kinakatakutan namin ng 7 yr old ko ang dad nya, never kami married but til now nanggugulo pa rin.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: arlene1018 on May 06, 2008, 09:10:33 am
to babebee, u can text or call me at this number, 09266143145. try to text or call me evrynow and then coz there are times na nkakaoff phone ko. il wait for your text today. or u can give me ur number para i can text u now.......... tnx!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: BohemianHotnezz on May 09, 2008, 06:38:32 am
^to paulo

i guess ur [textspeak!]. i won't be able to do it by myself.

i badly need help...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on May 10, 2008, 02:00:49 am
Hi BohemianHotnezz,

I wish I could to tell you that now would be a good time to pack your bags, leave your abusive BF behind, and rely on family and friends to pull you through. But that sounds too easy, it's probably not going to work Yet.

So why don't we start with something basic. Draw the line and convince yourself that you're going to make a stand. Now would be good time for you to share your problems with at least one, good, trusted friend. You need that source of confidence. Someone to point you towards the right direction minus the pressure.

Pray din. ... Pray for Enlightenment ha, and don't pray that "E" changes. Guidance is a much easier request compared to Miracles. :)

Kidding aside, Prayers work wonders. Prayers brings forth amazing results. So Pray. Pray for strength, courage, and while at it asking for a brand new car wouldn't hurt. ;)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on May 21, 2008, 02:53:52 pm
PAOLO,  that was a perfectly realistic "take".   God bless you.

What really wounds the heart is that the person we love, and expect to protect and cherish us turns out to be -- the enemy,  and worst, "the enemy within". 

You know why women stay in abusive relationships?  Because of HOPE.

Yes, the abuser is such an expert at manipulating the abused's capacity to hope.
A string of abuse, then a period of peace/ceasefire.  Abused thinks:  "Oh he is so good and contrite when he does not have a tantrum.  Pagdadasal ko magbago.  I will try to be better, parang hindi na magagalit. bleh bleh bleh"  Such bullsh*t!
"HOPE KILLS!" is what I say. 

It is only you, the abused, who can stop the abusive script.  Kahit na your whole barangay and family + friends line up to get you out,  if you do not make the decision yourself for yourself -- babalikan at babalikan mo pa that trahedya.

I have been there and done that, done some and more than survived.
What can I tell our mga Sis caught in these sad relationships?

    1.  Pray      Pray and say:  "Thy will be done."
                     Do not strike a deal with God; do not ask for an outcome
                             (as in "gawin nyo pong mabait si X" or
                              "gawin nyo po akong viuda with a new car"   LOL)
     
    2.  Talk to someone COMPETENT (kasi hindi okay "the blind leading the blind"),
         NON-JUDGMENTAL (kasi puede pa ba yang "till death do us part" or "patience
         is a virtue" --   eh girl, pinapatay ka na nga -- physically or emotionally);  and
         OBJECTIVE (meaning, does not know you from Adam/Eve so hindi ka
          makaka hear ng mga ganito, for example:
                  "Ano?!  Ang charming ang bait ng husband mo, pano nag ka ganun?!
             or even:  Ano?!  Ang sarap sarap ng buhay mo,  at least you are
                            suffering in comfort!  (Narinig ko yan from my own mom,
                            hindi ko alam at that moment if I wanted to bang her head or
                            mine, honestly. )                   

Mga Sis, some of your posts here really felt heavy on my heart.
I hope you will not take it against me that I PM'd some of you (before this post na ayaw kong gawin kasi I have to go back to relive some of the past)  to please set an appointment with  ROSE YENKO  asap.  She is competent, objective, and non-judgmental. 
My advocacy is to help, in any way,  women in abusive relationships.

I believe God engineered I meet Rose shortly before the tsunami of my life hit in 2006.   Actually,  I knew the tsunami was coming -- but a husband is of of course a male that will always deny, deny, deny while putting me through abuse, abuse, abuse.  Rose made me see clearly what I was, where I was and what I let myself become. And she helped me sort out by myself, for myself what my options were -- and what I wanted for myself.  So when the tsunami hit -- I was not 1 of the beach bathers who drowned.  Instead, I was 1 of the elephants nakatakbo to higher ground for self preservation. 

Mga Sis,  my husband changed totally.  Miracle talaga!
He is now so patient and loving, everyday. 
He is no longer abusive, he is trustworthy na (sabi nya, sige).
Ang bagong script nya eh:  I have devoted and continue to devote my life to my family, at hindi ako ang sisira nito.  I will make you (ako yon ha!  ;D), and ikaw lang and the kids as even before pa, happy for the rest of our lives.
Ganon ka corny, mga Sis,  but he lives it every single day.

But I will still tell you --yes, pray but DO NOT HOPE for miracles.  If God gives you 1, fine -- He gives you what is in your best interest in the long run.  But do not wait and wait and wait for it.  God helps those who help themselves.  Waiting and waiting is not  helping yourself.

Sa mga Sis na hindi ko na PM -- if you are ready to get some relief -- to see yourself and where you are truthfully and clearly ---  if you want to make that 1st small step PAOLO hinted at --  go to Rose Yenko.  PM me and I will give you her contact numbers.  Tell her your new friend AquaCharly will pay for your 1st session (1 hour).  Mga Sis,  sometimes all we need is just 1 hour with a person like Rose.  So please go.

Anytime you should decide you want to go see Rose -- kahit na next year kung hindi ka pa ready now -- do not hesitate to namedrop me with Rose. 
In the meantime,  remember that it is only ourselves who should define ourselves.  Know yourself so that nobody will have the power over your peace of mind.   Nobody has the right to demean nor be cruel to you.     

Mga Sis,  an hour with Rose is a valuable gift you can give yourself,  believe me.

God bless us all, mga Sis. 
O sige, pati si PAOLO -- God bless Paolo.
(hwag ka mapikon ha, heavy na on the heart kasi the postings here.  :) 




,

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on May 22, 2008, 02:26:29 am
^
And THAT, is more than the usual Lip Service ....

You're a good person, Aquacharly. :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 24, 2008, 03:50:50 am
sis aquachalie:


I started this thread alast year. To make a long story short, Im still in the same mess. I fear I am slowly slipping into the cycle of an abusive relationship and it is only becoming WORSE.

My storu is as simple as how it was described by Paolo and our other sisses.

I just really need ouside and objective help right now. Im acting more and more stupid. Ive come to a point where ive noticed the more abusive the relationship is, the more dependent I am on  him. The more abusive my hisband gets, the more scared I am to leave bec I feel Ill never survive without him. OR that who would want me after being separated, worthless, and full of sad stories. That im a jinxed soul.

Please sis, the abuse is slowly eating me up. Part of my is crying to GET OUT now while I can. PArt of me wants to hate me for being weak and stupid for not breaking away and protecting myslef. Yet another part of me cant leave him bec I am simply too afraid of my unknown fate and heartache being separated from a seemingly good marriage. And the dumbest part of me simply longs for him when I do attempt to leave him. I'M getting to be sooooo STUPID already about this. I understand whats going on but its just sooooooo difficult to break away. I do love my husband and Im still hopeful. But oh my god, I know its sounds so very typical of an abused woman who cant think straight due to years of being manipulated.

Thats why I need help. PLease sis may I have the number of ROSE YENKO? Please PM me. I tried to PM you but couldnt. I will share more with everyone maybe when Im thinking more clearly. Its very emotional for me bec this is the 3rd time we are both trying to separate in the last 2 years.And I am so tired of bring stupid bec even If im not at fault Im  still the one trying to patch things up.

PLease sis I really need help. Thank God the last few fights were all severe verbal abuse (ie making me kneel in front of him to say sorry which i refused to do anyway) and only very slight physical abuse i.e. pushing... But a few months back was quite a serious physical abuse situation. As I had ,yself secretly checked in the ER the next day. I wasnt really injured but the bruises we quite bad as I fell on the floor several times. But I did that more as a precaution. Just in case I need a medico legal later at least I have a medical record with the hospital. Im trying to play it safe bec ill never know when Ill be needing that in any unfortunate event of an annulment, or (knock on wood) custody case. I just regret not going to the ER for all the times I got bruised. I feel so much safer that I have a public record of my bruises.

So anyway sis aquacharlie please PM my the number of Rose Yenko. THANKS!!!! and lets keep praying for each other. May God protect us all in our most vaulnerable moments; and may God give us the strenght and guidance to do what has to be done.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on May 24, 2008, 11:17:01 am
^ Dear, dear, Sis SCORPIOWOLF -- I PM'd you already before my posting.  Now I am so worried that my other PMs to the other Sis did not reach them. 

Will PM you again.  Please take care of yourself. 
Do not call yourself stupid -- kasi even if we are intelligent women, when we encounter such a heartbreaking set-up  -- na kung sino pa yung mahal natin and we take care of (who is supposed to protect and cherish us ) -- is the "enemy within"  pa! -- talagang it is hard to think!  Kasi mabait tayo so we give all kinds of excuses for the meanness.   But we should also stop the cruelty to us,  and not continue the script.

Sis,  it is not the abused who has issues.  It is the abuser who needs release, and turns on us.  Hwag natin akuhin ang hindi natin kasalanan.   He is what he is because of himself and his issues and past;  he did not become like that because of what you are -- please keep that in mind.

Do not please please please think that you are worthless, that nobody else will look at you in the future. Maling mali yan.  The abuser kasi does everything to make you think you are 1inch tall lang.  But that is not your reality.  Tandaan mo ito -- kahit na (which is never the case for women) wala kang ginawa but to stay at home and sleep the whole day --- you are entitled to 1/2 of everything he owns, kahit na ba sya lang ang nag work.  Kaya do not be afraid of the future. 

Kaya mga Sis,  habang hindi nyo pa linalayasan yang abuser nyo -- if you are legally married to him -- get xerox copies of TCTs, bank accounts, whatever valuable property.  Pati paycheck nya gets kayo ng xerox copy.  Seal in an envelope and have a trusted friend or family member keep it for you while you are still living with him.

Thank you for inspiring me further Sis.  I will try to get a complete what-to-do list for abused women.  What to do, where to go -- so we can post it here.  Marami na ganyan alam ko, but it appears nobody is posting it here for quick reference.  Hope one of the Sis is able to help us out on this,

Oo nga pala -- try to read the Family Code -- that was the advice given to me by a well-known lawyer (God bless her too!).

Take care Sis. Pray to God His Will be Done.  Ask for guidance and courage. 
I will also pray for you.  Sis,  call Rose asap.  If you have any problems getting to her office -- PM me asap.  Gawan natin ng paraan.  God bless! 

Please go to Rose asap.  I will call her to fit you in her schedule kaagad. 
Her office is in Makati on N Garcia St. (formerly Reposo).

Please check my PM to you again. 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 24, 2008, 01:18:25 pm
sis aquachaly: got your pm sis, thanks soooo much!! I just dont know why I still cant PM you. Sis, is she a psychiatrist or a social worker? I am just curious. Regardless, I will give it a call.

I am out of sorts because my husband ie expecting me to come home soon. If not today, tommorow. Its partly my fault bec I called him after we both left our home, and I was being my usual nice, apologetic self.

 Part of me want to fix things so I can get on with my life  but I know it will happen again. Especially bec this time around he doesnt even think that he did anything wrong to me. But in reality, what happened was that he went into a rage after having found out that I called thw wife of one of his friends who has also become a friend of mine. HE thinks she isnt a good influence, bec im so impressionable daw and that everytime I talk to her feeling ko na daw hes doing all these things (not abuse related) that he doesnt even do. After that hee went into verbal rage, calling me stupid, cheap, sluty, a liar, that he will leave me, that hes unhappy, that he hates me etc etc etc words like "babasakin ko tong hawak ko sa ulo mo" just to anger me.

I dunno ba talaga!!!! My family is so anti-separation and thats part of the reason why its really hard for me to leave. I dont want to disappoint them although My parents know that I was physically abused once, they told him never to do it again or ibalik nalang niya ako sa kanila. He hasnt hurt me in that way since that time, which is only a few months back, but it doesnt mean I dont have to suffer his rages which is just as humiliating.

Im already so humiliated in the building where we live. As in people have been talking bec they hear my husband screaming and cursing his head off with me. the verbal abuse is like non other bec he really has a way of making you feel like an animal. He has no respect whatsoever as he will reprimand me in public or in front of our friends. But when hes ok... when were ok... we appear solid, and even prople whi havent heard chismis abt our problems are envious of out seeminly ideal marriage and family life.

I have given up telling my mother-in-law bec she wont/ cant do a thing about it. The last time I told her about it I dont even think she bothered to really try to reprimand her son. She just says it in passing that "basta wag ka mananakit" BTW, Im  not sure if my MIL has ever been physically abused, but she is still definitely being verbally abused even at their ripe old age of retirement. I look at her and think id rather DIE that end up living her life. But I still seem stuck and cant get out.

My last question is that, is there ever really any hope for an abuser to change? I know chances are slim, but im just wondering. Bec the tragedy of it is that I do love my husband, for all his kind moments, for the times he was giving and generous... I used to tell myslef Ill slowly try to detach and wait till i fall out of love and see the abuse for jus the abuse... but i see that that doesnt work. Bec I feel im just slipping deeper into the cycle.

Anyway thanks sis again for all your advice. Now, I will definitely get our CTCs secretly photocopied. even the bank accounts, so I have a list of all the accounts and bank details.  Although I know mahirap habulin ang bank account bec money is can easily be moved around. Anyway thanks sooooooooo much!!! I was going to suggest that we all meet and get together. but I know thats now doable for us women in these relationships. I dunno how I would ever be able to hide it for my husband. Thanks and God Bless US.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on May 24, 2008, 03:12:53 pm

Quote
My last question is that, is there ever really any hope for an abuser to change? I know chances are slim, but im just wondering.



Yes. Even abusive men can change. Although the process of changing them is as difficult as correcting a full blown drug habit. ... Or I think it is. I'm no expert in that so I can only tell you how I see it. But here's the thing ..... Before an abused Spouse/GF/Partner will be in a position to help their abusers, they have to help themselves first. You can't be objective much more an effective help until you snap out of the "abuse shock" you endured. You've got to get back your bearings first. Or perhaps work on "completing yourself" once more. Recapture that Whole Self the abuse has stolen away from you. Only then, will you be in a position to correct your partner's abusive nature. Or for a more interesting twist, ... Only then will you be able to help others.

First things first, work on helping yourself. .... And would you believe that even that is for the best interest of whatever is left in your relationship? Yes, it is.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 24, 2008, 04:11:41 pm
^^ Paulo, what you said is very inspiring. I will really keep in mind what everyone here has advised me. Thank you, I dont know what to say. But, things seem much clearer when someone else gives you advice form a different perspective, with simple and practical steps. I know though that the journey will be difficult and everything is always easier said than done. But I realize that taking small concrete and practical actions, is better than continuing to be passive. I should do this while Ive only been married a few years, while I still have some guts left, and hopefulness left in me to turn to others for advice and help.

Maybe it might take years, months for everything to unfold; and I dont know at this point what to expect. But surely whatever steps I take in seeking help will certainly prepare me more than I am now, with whatever can/will happen.

Thanks so much for everything. I just hope I can keep this from my husband bec he will majorly flip again if he finds out. Im hoping to slowly prepare myslef emotionally, psychologically, and financially for whatever outcome... be in to finally separate, or otherwise.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on May 24, 2008, 11:29:47 pm
^sis, i really don't know if you'll find comfort in my story. i replied to your post last year...
i've been married for 15 years. i've gone through the "normal" course of abuse. meaning, i allowed myself to be abused... then, dream that someday, he'll change- ask for forgiveness, repent and love me more.
you would not believe it... but 3 days (yes, 3 days) after our wedding, i was slapped by my husband. that was the first hand that slapped me. i was never slapped by anyone in my entire life! reason? i want to eat something else (i was pregnant that time)... he got irritated when i don't want to eat the "kare-kare" his aunt cooked.  :D

we have the same predicament. my family wouldn't rubber stamp a separation.. especially with me... it was my punishment: i didn't finish my medical course and got married to a guy who's not even financially stable that time.

i suffered in silence. when things got worse, i told my friends. first, they listened to me. and later on, my stories irritated them. thank God, i have 2 friends who stood by me. as the saying goes, you will know who your true friends are when you're at your lowest.

i got everything---emotional, verbal, physical and psychological abuses. i remember, lagi nga ko naka-long sleeves before eh... hehe to hide the bruises... i was a plain housewife then with 3 kids to look after for --- no maid, no yaya. i'm financially incapacitated. i was so ashamed to ask for my mom's help.. fine, if she'll give me money... in short, parang wala na akong nakikitang light at the end of the tunnel! as in... the biggest blow i got from him: he had another girl!

you know, walang gabi na hindi ako umiiyak... tanong ako ng tanong sa mga tao kung pangit ba ako... kung mukha na ba akong matanda... i was so pathetic! siguro, kung wala akong anak, bumigay ako eh..  baka wala pa sa 1/4 'yang pain mo compared to me... i suffered for 13 YEARS!

i remember, a friend told me: 'yong first hit, victim daw talaga ako... but when i allowed him to hit me again after that, i became a volunteer. :D

GOD IS SOOO GOOD. Tama talaga... when you pray and when you lift everything to Him... He'll take charge. my marriage isn't close to perfection... but we can feel that God is doing something... slowly... but surely! we're blessed emotionally, spiritually, physically (people would tell both of us that we look better and younger now than before :D) and financially.

now, i can say that my husband is God's gift to me. yes, he gave me hurts and pains.. but those built my character. sometimes talaga, we have to go through a period of unhappiness eh... para when the time comes na we feel happy, we can savor every inch of it.

and for the record, GOD NEVER GIVES LOUSY GIFTS.

sis, pray... pray... pray... and ask God to take charge. you can't do it alone.

so, whether you stay or leave--- if you ask God's guidance, you will never go wrong.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 25, 2008, 02:11:51 am
^^ Thank you sis Betrayed. I thank God how there are people out there like you and aquacharly and paulo who are so kind, and inspiring, and compassionate.

I know, you wrote to me the first time I posted here. You sharing your story with me makes me feel that I am not alone. Sis, how did you make the turnaround in your marriage happen?

I would reallty like to know how I can steer this marriage in the right direction if possible and if God permits it. In my case we went through marriage counselling after our 2nd seoaration last year, Honestly it did a lot of good to our marrige. HE made a lot of new committments to me. Unfortunately, although the infidelity has not re-occured, the abuse was never solved by the counselling.

Also I have been very depressed lately bec my husband has been blowing up at me for very innocent things. I can truly see that he feels stifled and unhappy and has said he is no longer honoring the groundrules weve set for our marriage after counselling. i.e he promised to not go out with his friends anymore without welcoming me too, will answer all my calls, will never hide his phone. In all fairness to him he really has been adhering to those. But recently he changed his mind re the going out with friends issue. IAlthough I admit it was unhelthy and I told him I understood his need for space.

The thing is, I dont understand how me can be so mean and hurtful even if somehow our marriage is more God-centered. At least now we never miss sunday mass. And at one time shortly after our counselling he even asked that we pray together everyday. This if course died out... and I cant force the guy if he doesnt want to. But I dont understand is that evenduring these times we would sit together and pray, HE NEVER overcame his intense temper and rages.

I know though that God will help me. I just need to keep my faith strong and steadfast. I know also, that I MUST HELP MYSELF. Whatever that means. Im still trying to sort myself out. First thing on my list is to be more financially independent. Although Im still exploring my options with regard to that.

Never in my life did I ever imagine my married life would be like this. I had it so easily when I was growing up. i had the most loving parents. I was given every opportunity by being sent to the best schools, and exposed to travel at an early age. I was taught over and over again by my mom to look for a man who is kind, very much in-love with me, who is respectful, and compassionate.

MAybe I was blinded with love thats why I overlooked all the warning signs when were still just dating i.e. the shouting and cursing. But I had no idea he would be this cruel to his wife. Little did I know that I was marrying into a family with a history of extreme verbal abuse. I dunno, but perhaps he just expects me to keep taking and taking and taking it bec he grew up with his own mother doing exactly that till this very day.

Sis, I will pray for you and all the people here who have gone through so much; because I know the pain is a lifelong struggle to get past. Sis, please also do share how you were able to make the turnaround in your marriage. What do I do first aside from getting outside help? THANKS SO MUCH!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: lilac19 on May 25, 2008, 05:39:10 pm
Hello sisses...i don't always post comments here in GT...but when I saw this thread, I felt that I need to share my experience and maybe take some pieces of advise from some of you....here it goes...

My husband and I lived in for almost four years before we decided to get married last Feb 12 2005. Even before we got married, I was already physically and verbally abused...not to mention the emotional stress that comes afterward...but I was really not physically abused in a way, that I got bruises all over, but enough to give me pain for the entire day...I was thankful that the physical abuse did not last that long. It was actually the effect of steroids in the vitamins that he was taking before (i'd rather not mention it i guess...)Then the usual thing among relationships happened. He is seeing another girl...a girl from the same department store he also works in. I was totally left in the dark for the first 3 weeks of it. Then I guess, binagabag siya ng sarili niyang conscience...he confessed the said deed. I was too shocked to react. I just cried and cried, asking him what did I do wrong in our relationship to make him look for another girl. I was so hopeless that time kasi I don't have a job, I'm just a plain housewife doing what plain housewives would normally do. He cannot really explain why he did the deed in the first place. All that he could ever say was that, hindi siya ang naunang lumapit, yung girl daw. In short, after a "sorry" and apologies, I decided to give him a second chance which I think was quite fair at that time. And so it goes...life went on for both of us..he resigned from the job that he is also in with the girl just to make the girl stop bugging him. Then after a few months he had another job offer...and life went on smoothly for the both of us...yun ang akala ko...

October 2004, he resigned from his job...due to family problems...he was unsuccessful finding another job. January 2005, I decided to apply for a job, after three years of taking care of him and our son, he finally agreed with me to find a job instead. In a short span of one week, I was hired in one of the biggest call centers in the Philippines. After 6 months, I was confirmed for regularization...on the other hand, he was still unsuccessful on finding a job...that's when the emotional and verbal abuse really started. He was always very moody because I understand that he does not want to just be left at home and take care of our son. He would also accuse me that I have changed a lot...from what I look and what I wear. The thing is, I really went on a diet before I decided to apply for a job...because I look so "manang" for the past three years since I gave birth...kaya diet galore talaga ako...So ayun... after a few more accuses, sorry naman siya ng sorry...which I accepted naman...(nga pala kasal na kami nitong mga panahon na to ha...)So ayun...living happily ever after na naman kami...he's back to his old self again...Then dumating ako sa point ng buhay ko na,  hindi ko na feel lagi maki-pag "do" sa kanya... I don't know why...pero siguro it has something to do with the stress that I am undergoing right now...

In short, nawawalan nako talaga ng gana maki pag "do" sa kanya...It's not that I don't love him, pero sa nature ng work ko, at sa dami ng iniisip kong problema sa bahay, malayo na sa isip ko yung gusto nya...He does not have work pa din kasi e...kaya paulit ulit lang ang mga tantrums niya about the whole I'm-earning-money-thing...nakakasawa na...parang di niya naiisip na, sobrang stressed na ako sa mga nangyayari sa buhay namin...imagine nyo ha, gastos ko lahat sa bahay...kuryente, tubig, house rent, pag kailangan ng nanay ko ng pera, hindi ako lagi makatanggi...ang hirap...di naman sobrang laki ng paycheck ko...actually hindi na nga siya enough ngayon kasi mag-aaral na ang anak namin...so talagang hirap na hirap ako sa budgetting...tapos eto pa siya, ginagawang malaking issue ang pagtanggi ko sa pakikipag - "do" ko sa kanya...paulit ulit nalang, he keeps on accusing me that I have another guy here in the office...sawang sawa nako talaga! I never even thought of making patol to another guy kahit na ganun siya sa akin. I'ts so unfair talaga mga sis...gusto ko na siya hiwalayan sa totoo lang...hindi din ako takot na mawala siya sa akin...kaya ko na wala siya...kaya lang iniisip ko ang anak ko...ngayon pa na may isip na siya...ang hirap i-explain...

I just hope that he still has a bit of a conscience to understand me. It's not even my fault why I'm feeling this way towards the said "thing". Why do I need to be treated like this if I'm not in the mood to "do" it? I really feel so bad. Paulit ulit nalang kasi yung situation...pag umayaw ako makipag - "do" lalabas na may iba akong lalaki...so unfair diba??!!  :(  >:(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 25, 2008, 08:33:45 pm
hello everyone. Im here trying not to cry. If you had been reading my posts the last few days then ull know that I havent been going home to our place. Anyway, I just got back home an  hour ago. And my ever-so-"lovable" husband greeted me with a stern "saan ka pumunta kagabi."

He then cross examined me over and over again. called my mom's house , cross examined my maid. Called my friend and cross examined her too. I told him the truth about where I went and where I was at all the days I had left home. And once more... here we go again. He is angry. Angry bec I am raring to go out daw when we have problems. Hes angry bec last thurs when I went out with my girl-friend, one of her guy friends followed. And hes angry bec Supposedly I have manipulated him in making him pagbawal to go out daw when its ME daw who has a problem going out. So from now on (while cursing me) I have no right daw to make pakialam his wherabouts, his pgone, who hes with, whether may girls yung friends nya mag follow BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

IM SOOOOOOOO angry!!!! As I am writing this I am using all my will to stop myslef from barging into the room of my son where my husband and kid are happily playing. I want to barge in and say... HOW DARE YOU greet me like this!!! HOW dare you acuse me. YOU are the manipulative freak!!! U are turning this around to get YOUR way.

IN fairness to him he didnt really go out the whole time I wasnt home. But I cant help but feel that its has been masterfully orchestrated so he can once again use this on me. Or am I getting crazy na rin due to my miserable married life? My goodness, I went out twice!! Once with a friend to a grill where a male friend of hers followed. Another time my bestfriend and I just went and drank in our pregnant friend's house!!!!

This guys Im married to is some piece of work!!!! I guess this is what you call the emotional and psychological manipulation after the abuse.

Anyway, please pray for me. I will call Rose Yenko tom. I hope I can sneak off and meet her. Can u imagine what my husband will do/say should he find out?!?!

Thanks to everyone who have been so kind in sharing their stories. Sis lilac, I havent had a chance to read ur post bec I just logged in to vent quickly before my husband becomes curious at what I am typing away about, I have to log off. I will read ur story as soon as I get the chance.
 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on May 25, 2008, 10:06:06 pm
^naku sis... parang ako lalo... it never crossed my mind that i would end up a battered wife. my husband was sooo loving when he was still my boyfriend. akala ko talaga, hindi niya makakayang saktan ako eh.

since i was in a medical school... and surrounded by admirers (modesty aside... hehe), parang he made extra efforts for me not to doubt his love... kaya nga i gave up my ultimate dream for him. i thought, i'll be in good hands. LOL

it is only through God's grace that i'm feeling some comfort right now. siguro kasi, i'm working na rin eh that's why he knows very well that i can easily leave him if things would again go out of hand. mataas ang tolerance ko sa pain. ok nga lang sa akin 'yong verbal and physical abuse eh... ang hindi ko talaga ma-accept, no'ng nambabae pa!

so now, i told him that if those things happen again, i will leave him. dahil sa totoo lang, sino ba siya para saktan niya ako... hindi naman siya kamukha ni diether or ni piolo... hindi rin naman siya mayaman... hindi rin naman siya maporma... tapos, hindi pa siya magiging mabait??? tse! 13 years na nga ako na-hypnotized eh... enough! LOL

alam ninyo sis, siguro... the more we fear of losing someone or losing our family... the more we make things harder for ourselves. siguro, if we just pray,then, deadma na... 'yong tipong isipin natin na "i gave my best... if it wasn't enough... bahala ka na sa buhay mo!"... magiging lighter 'yong pakiramdam eh. it's time for us to LOVE OURSELVES. it isn't God's will that we get hurt. we have to draw the line. it will not happen overnight. but if we take one brave step, makakaya rin natin.

that's why i'm thanking my friends who made kulit for me to work and rediscover myself. baligtad na mundo... hahaha siya na ang laging nakabuntot sa akin... :D at funny, when we argue at lumalakas na boses niya, kumukuha na ako ng hanger... as in... i will fight back!  :D

kaya madalas... nagigising ako sa whispers niya... he'll embrace me and say: "sorry sa lahat ng mga nagawa ko sa 'yo..."

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on May 26, 2008, 12:58:35 am
Sis SCORPIOWOLF -- you ask how to lead a husband to change?

All I can tell you is the tide turned after I prayed to God:  "Thy will be done."  Before I would pray asking for specific outcomes (but never to make me a viuda with a new car -- LOL, I love Paolo's joke -- it always makes me  :))

Well, God gave me more than I could possibly think of asking for.  Everything as in everything unraveled.  He gave me the strength to get to the point where I could "burn my bridges".   When a husband realizes you mean to live without him, and that you intend to make a better life for yourself -- yan, Sis, will slap him into enlightenment.  But please, mga Sis -- do not trust in my experience/POV.  Iba iba ang mga tao after all.  Do not risk saying "goodbye" if you do not mean it or cannot do it.  (Kadalasan,  timing timing lang yan -- so wait for the right time. Prepare for it.)

My husband is now perfect in his dealings towards me,  he really got kicked into "enlightenment" --  that is a miracle. 
But mga Sis, please do not hope and wait for a miracle.  God will give you 1 if he thinks that is in your best interest in the long run.  But please do not wait and wait and wait. 

I am not telling you to give up on your husband now -- it is only you who can say when or if ever. 
Love is hard to end, yes.  And it is so hard to stop hoping, yes. 
But do not wait any longer when your mind tells you enough is enough already;
plus your heart is already so very tired.
Do what is in your best interest; and it is only you who can define that.

Go talk to Rose.  Talking to Rose does not automatically translate into your leaving your husband, not necessarily.   But perhaps, like me -- you will find the strength to gather yourself; and maybe, burn your bridges.  That will liberate you; and perhaps (hopefully -- that word again) slap your husband into enlightenment.   

Life is beautiful -- either way, whichever way the chips fall (married/separated, but definitely not abused)  -- because God meant us to have a beautiful life. 

God bless us all, mga Sis; and believe that He never abandons us; but remember too that God helps those who help themselves.  It is God who has the right to put us in hell/purgatory -- but a husband/partner has no right -- so we should not give him the power to make our lives a living hell.   
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on May 26, 2008, 02:06:40 am
In a short span of one week, I was hired in one of the biggest call centers in the Philippines. After 6 months, I was confirmed for regularization...on the other hand, he was still unsuccessful on finding a job...that's when the emotional and verbal abuse really started.

Men are proud creatures, Lilac 19. That's the way we are. We are expected to be the strong, protector and provider. And enjoy "King Status" and benefits that come along with it for our supposedly natural abilities. Now if by stroke of luck we don't turn out to be what we Naturally are "meant" to be, it unleashes an insecurity that is difficult to address. Not to mention a whole host of complications along with it. And THAT, explain why your husband behaves the way he does.

Being female, married, successful and the breadwinner of the family does have it's downside. Very few men would appreciate the gift, the way it's meant to be appreciated.

I'm not justifying your husband's actions ha. Nope. It's not your fault. In fact, you've been the solution pa nga. Still, to solve a problem, you first have to understand it thoroughly. Find out the root cause and work from there.

Your marital problem seems to center on two major things: First, your husband's lack of a productive endeavor, therefore the lack of any form of control. And 2nd, the Insecurity that eats him up because of the latter.  Although it doesn't necessarily follow that a successful man makes a loving husband. It is a fact that financially sound men are less crankier. And of course, less insecure.

Then there's the issue of "sex". I'm not going to use the argument that "it is your obligation". Such arguments have proven to drive women to feel like mere objects. Nope. Let's move beyond that. Though I'm going to remind you that Men are sexually needy creatures. And a sexually deprived man, develops a number of insecurities, the same way that an attention deprived housewife succumbs to depression. But instead of being depressed, a sexually  starved man will most likely be unreasonably aggressive, overly jealous, and irrational. Parang "Psycho, Jealous, Wife" ba, if you are aware of the type. Lalong lalo na since he doesn't have the necessary means to address his needs. Ayon, so he starts entertaining the idea that you're being "serviced" by somebody else. And that he isn't "good enough", among other things that would normally wind-down to him accusing you and blaming you for a whole host of faults.

What's the solution?

TALK. Talk about your problems. Talk about your expectations. Talk about your plans, and REASSURE him as if he were a ... 9 year old boy. ;)

Talking will also help you understand your husband's sexual needs. The same way that it should also make him see your reasons for being sexually incapable. ... I used "Incapable", for the lack of a better term lang ha. ;) I can't seem to come by the appropriate term eh. I was going to use "Reserved" but that could translate to Infidelity so "Incapable" it is. :)

I know that "Talking" seems like a very simple solution to such a complex problem but since your problem revolves around your husband's Insecurities, then communication is the only path towards a workable solution.

Here's hoping you work things out.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 26, 2008, 11:55:03 pm
Hi! I just want to tell everyone. That since last night I have been a walking zombie in my home. I dont talk to my husband unless he asks me something. I try to stay out of his was as much as possible. Hes out with his friends now and frankly... I dont care where he is or what he is doing. Id much rather enjoy the peace and quiet of my home without him and play with my kid.

I know Im just like this now bec Im still angry and hurting from the way he treated me yeasterday. Before I went to bed after posting here, he started cursing at me again and asking what my problem was. All because he he said I was irritating him and he doesnt like the tone of my voice. BLAH BLAH BLAH endless pagmumura, endless insults to my face again. I am trying to master the art of zoning it all out. In the end I gave in and said, "If my tone irritates you then it wont happen again." I am such a loser. I am so weak. but at the same time Im so tired from hearing his booming, insulting, degrading voice. I actually said that in self preservation to shut him up. It was actually more of an act of self-presevation as I just wanted to get the shouting over with before it escalated again into who knows what. All I wanted was some peace and quiet.

So now, here I am. I was able to get an appointment for counselling with Rose Yenko on Monday. Unfortunately she couldt make it earlier and this week would have been convenient as I have access to my mom's car and driver since shes out. Oh, well Ill find a way and God has his reasons.

All I can say, is Ill have my day. For now I just want to continue being numb. I want to stop caring. I want to detach. I want to stop having any feelings towards my husband. At this point I just want to walk away with no regrets, no pain, and no remorse. Its still quite a long shot from now. But I will work on it everyday.

Thanks for listening, especially to those who replied to my posts. God Bless Us!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: BohemianHotnezz on May 27, 2008, 10:37:48 am
^^to AQUACHARLY :)

upon reading your PM, i found myself well up with tears again..cuz you know,i just returned to work from my 2-day "sick leave" (you already know what i mean)..
he did it again last saturday... i attempted to end my life through pill overdose but for some reasons, it didn't hit me.

he talked about so many things including love,  acceptance, and temporary insanity. i had seen a little hope in him and an eagerness to make things right after telling him my fears and worries..i hope i was not being fooled by his assuring words.

i can't find words to thank you enough. i am crying because i thought nobody cares. then, there u are and the others...i'm crying because, my colleagues think that i'm living a perfect, happy life with "E".  I never cease to make them laugh almost everyday. they see me as a strong and jolly person. some even envy me for having almost everything..they simply know nothing about me..

good things happen to good people..to good people like you. thank you so much.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sonncza on May 27, 2008, 02:40:45 pm
i cant believe there are guys talaga na may tendency magging violent hanggang nakita kong maglit bf ko.. gusto ko na talagang iwan sya but i cant kasi kasalanan ko din naman bakit ganun reaction nya. im super selosa kasi din,..pero  ayaw kong isipin na kasalanan ko!

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on May 27, 2008, 11:17:02 pm
^^  Sis BOHEMIANHOTNEZZ      Please, please, please do not harm yourself. 
                                               Hwag mong akuhin what is not your emotional
       baggage,  character flaw and cruelty -- that is his burden and not your reality.

       The fact that you do not let on about your real situation -- is proof of your
        strength.  Kaya mo yan hanapan ng way-out, but not at your expense.

       Do not think you are alone, that nobody cares.  We women are bound by
       the universe -- a collective consciousness.   

       Please call Rose Yenko.  I have told her my new friend BohemianHotnezz may
       just call her 1 day to talk.  Please, please call as soon as possible.  There is
       nothing you cannot talk about with Rose. 

       Sis, I will pray for you; I am certain some of us here pray for us all. 
       
       1 day I am sure you will have the ultimate revenge over him --
                      living better than now.   God bless, Sis. Please take care of yourself.



Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 27, 2008, 11:48:38 pm
BohemianHotnezzzz sis! Please dont feel alone. I know the feeling. I feel so weak and alone and unwanted. Sis just pm or email me if you need to talk. Lets help each other out! We can support each other simply by knowing we are not alone in or pains, and hopefully others who have survived and have had happier endings like aquacharly inspire us.

Sis, have you tried going to the ER? sis thats what I did the last time. I went to the ER and had my bruises and wounds examined. Tell them that you want yourself examined bec it was a case of domestic violence, and that you want a confidential hospital record for your protection. Sis, its one of the best decisions I made. Bec I feel safer now every time my husband threatens to leave me. I know kasi that should we get separated or annulled, that just in case we have child custody problems... I at least have a medical record to back up my claims. I dunno what other purpose that may serve, or if its good evidence, but youll never know when you might need a medico legal.

God bless you sis. Please just message us or email me if you need someone to vent to. Youre not alone. Just keep praying sis. I will pray for you.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: arlene1018 on May 28, 2008, 10:30:30 pm
hi mga sis, nagblog nako dito before about my problem. Actually now after nung last blog ko, di na nya ko cnasaktan physically, Thank God! but the thing is when we fight over something, he always tells me na kasalanan ko everything! that kung di ako napreggy before na di pa cya ready eh di sana cya ganito. im super verbally abused! right now, im super depressed! i cant go out coz we dont have maid/yaya na [textspeak!] ko mapaiwanan ng baby namin. im stucked here in this damn house habang cya ayun almost everyday hes with hes friends! yesterday, i was so angry at him coz there was an event na kasama son namin then he told me na di nya kami samahan sa loob kung san [textspeak!] event, imagine anak naman nya [textspeak!] ssamahan nya, di naman ibang tao. At 1st ok lang sakin hinayaan ko na lang kaso nung andun na kami ng son ko sa loob i saw na halos lahat ng kids na andun kasama dad nila so i called my hubby and told him na if [textspeak!] pumasok cya kc [textspeak!] son lang namin ang walang dad. he insist na ayaw nya, at [textspeak!] na daw nya na di nya kami samahan! imagine anak nya nagawa nya tablahin! an sama sama talaga ng loob ko! ok  lang sakin [textspeak!] saktan nya ko ng saktan pro my God, anak nya un hindi ibang bata para tiisin nya ng ganun. until natapos na event, nagsasagutan na kami sa car, then sumabog na ko, sabi ko sa kanya na "lam mo [textspeak!] [textspeak!] kakilala na magasawa na [textspeak!] mga ginagawa mo sakin na masasakit gnagawa din ng husband nila sa wife nla." then he answered na " eh baka mahal nila [textspeak!] wife nla!" ang sakit mga sis, coz parang its a way of saying that he doesnt love me pala and after all ng pagtitiis ko sa pambubugbog nya sakin before until now [textspeak!] mga verbal abused na ginagawa nya sakin, i still continue to love him, serve him, tapos un pala di lang pala nya ko mahal! tinitiis ko lahat, [textspeak!] pagalis nya na anytime na gusto nya pumunta sa friends nya at kung umuwi cya madaling araw na, wala cya naririnig sakin. [textspeak!] pagsilbihan ko cya, gawin ko lahat para sa kanya, tapos di lang pala nya ko mahal! ang sakit! until now di ko cya kinakausap! im soooooooo fed up sa mga ginagawa nya sakin! he tried na makipagbati sakin kanina, di ko cya cnagot! di ko p kaya akipagusap sa kanya eh! i dont know kung ano sasabihin ko, kaya i chose to keep quiet. and im so in pain right now. then before he left may kinagalitan na nman cya sakin, minura ako ng P.I. di ko ko nalang pinansin!  i really dunno what to do, i cant go out, dahil [textspeak!] naman ako mapagiwanan ng son ko. feeling ko maloloka nako dito sa house! sobra sakit na nararamdaman ko!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on May 29, 2008, 03:13:46 pm
^
The absence of physical abuse is a big step na, Arlene. I mean, sure there's still abuse and I don't intend to disregard the pain you're suffering, but at least it's not as threatening anymore. What you are being exposed to now are his sentiments, his attitude, and time and time again you'll get a glimpse of how self-centered your husband is. But here's the thing, .... these are either Obstacles to hurdle or Big Large Yellow Signs that prompts you to head towards a different direction. They're not Warning Signs anymore ha. The Warning Signs came up miles and miles ago. :)

There are only two ways to fight and end the abuse. One of them is to Leave. The other One is to Fight for your Right to stay and KEEP your relationship too. But first things first, ... you've got to be Objective, Strong, Practical. Being "Verbally Dictated" into curling up in a corner is neither Objective, Strong nor Practical. You have to keep your mind set. You know yourself better. That's what counts. To a confident, calm and collected person,  all those baseless accusations won't hurt as much.

What's my point? Don't simply get Hurt. .... No, no, no. I'm not going to ask you to "Get Even" too. So, ... you can put down the golf club you are holding. We're not going to war. ... Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Seriously now. .... The abuse should fire you up for a Realization of what you can take. And more importantly, come to Realize too what your abuser truly is instead of the abuse defining what you are.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chinita_charm on June 01, 2008, 07:21:00 am
recently i found out that my hubby had an affair in a chat room or messenger. i even read a girl text messages.

here's the text. "hey. this is joy your gf from chat. i know your mad at me. luv u. mis u.

pwede ko bang sampahan ng kaso si hubby under REP. Act 9262?

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on June 02, 2008, 02:27:52 am
Hi! Just want to let everyone know that things are back to "normal" in my home. technically everything is in peace mode again husband has been in a "good" and considerate mood.

Thing is... Im going through this weird stage. I mean I know I love my husband a lot. I not only know I love him, but I still "feel" the emotions. However, I dunno if this is temporary but its like something in my has changed. My husband doesnt know this, but its like I keep currently obsessing about starting new businesses or looking for money making ideas. (im a housewife now). Anyway little does he know, im going through this quest for independence bec something deep down inside is nagging me to be PREPARED to leave him.

All I know is this kasi. I AM NOT WILLING to live the rest of my life as an abused wife. I know also now Im not capable of leaving my husband for the meantime. I am not financially and more importantly not emotionally prepared. All i know is if this cycle doesnt stop IM GOING TO GET OUT of this marriage sooner or later. I just have to prepare myself.

My question to those whove been in this situation is this: AM I just making excuses for not leaving my husband NOW? or am I really not just ready? Also its weird, but Ive also changed in a way that I no longer dream of doing things with my family ie house, travel, new baby. In short I no longer am making long term dreams involving my husband. I have even decided that I will not have another baby any more bec of our situation even if i really want another baby. In short, I dont daydream like I used to about growing old with my husband. Often times what I catch myself daydreaming about is being independent from my husband and travelling to diff places when my son is older. HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE? Is this part of my trying to emotionally detach myself? Or am I just fooling myself.



Anyway, Im seeing Rose Yenko tom. So, I keep praying that, that will go well. I really need help. I will try as much as possible to help myself. But I Leave it all up to God. I surrender my life to him. I just hope I read the signs right so that I may choose my path well.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on June 03, 2008, 01:36:00 am
Chinita Charm,

First you have to prove that his alleged affair abuses you physically, or into "traumatizing" you to the point that it affects you psychologically, or even holds you hostage financially therefore affecting you economically. Rep Act 9262 is Anti Violence Against Women and Their Children which doesn't only revolve around actual physical abuse of course, but the Act clearly defines it's scope as an Act designed to protect women and children from Abusive, Violent Acts that threatens their welfare or growth, than it simply is a "fidelity issue". If you can't connect the crime with the act then you should ahmm .... find something else to charge him with. :)

But I suggest you hold the charges for now, and talk it over first.


Scorpiowolf,

I have no first hand experience on physical/emotional abuse though a friend who helps abused women exposed me to a few cases of battered women and physically and emotionally abused children. Based solely on "typical human behavior" of an Abused/Battered Wife, I say Recovering from Abuse comes in several steps. Initially, you have to come to the realization that you aren't being treated fairly. Most women stay in an abusive relationship because of a number of reasons such as fear, dependence, low self esteem, and the ever famous Love. Once they snap out of the spell, they first establish a bit of hatred. Hatred coming from the realization that they never deserved what they've been getting.

The next thing that comes to mind would be a practical step to be free from their abusive partner. A step which they can only accomplish by being independent. Which brings forth the desire for financial independence. Money being a necessary element in attaining and more importantly "sustaining" freedom.

Then they start planning. Not really to end the marriage but more as a "Clear Cut Alternative Plan", fueled, ready, and waiting in the wings. That's where thoughts of time alone, independent and away from the family comes into the picture. Not because you are running away but rather because in most cases, we first have to internalize and picture the Plan before we can put it into Action.

Based on my theory and my theory alone, LOVE in this case isn't really Lost. It's just that now, you're considering your Right to what is Fair. Now, you begin to realize that there's such a thing as Loving yourself too.

Hope that helps.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Babebee on June 03, 2008, 07:53:07 am
Scorpiowolf, AquaCharly thank you sa email.
Arlene i'll call you...thank you sa reply.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on June 03, 2008, 04:54:11 pm
aquacharly: Hi I met Rose Yenko yesterday. I liked the vibe I got from her. I will definitely see her again. (I will save up for it hehe) I have to admit I still feel a bit lost after that meeting. But I feel that working with her will do me a lot of good. She did say many things to me that were eye openers for me.

I only spoke with her yesterday but since then, I feel very disconnected from my husband. Its like something inside me just feels like Im living with a stranger...my husband. Its like talking to Rose made me really feel like my husband is a "statistic." I dunno how successful Ill be at it but Im kinda feeling that im want to really begin separating myself emotionally from my husband. Then, next step is to broaden my world once more and lastlly is to have more financial independence.

Sis, did you go through this? Like after talking to Ms. Rose an others you begin to feel how serious your problem is and that it will never go away until... either you walk away, or husband gets help (which is a far cry for me unless i perhaps make its as a ultimatum, which is soooooo far from now since I cant walk away. I need to be able to really walk away for me to have bargaining leverage to get him to talk to someone).

Right now Im kinda depressed. i want to wake up one day and not have any bit of emotion for my husband. How did I ever end up with such a dysfunctional guy who came from such a dysfunctional freakn family. I want the power and freedom to walk away without any sadness, any longing, any pity, and hurt, moreso any tinge of love left for my husband. Far out, but sana. I still love the guy but I want to stop. Anyway its such a dysfunctional love bec I dont see my husband the same way any more...

 She recommended though that I see Anna Capunan also. She mentioned that you saw her too. However, I cant reach her. Ms. Yenko gave me Anna Capunans cell no. Would you  happen to have her landline? Thanks!!!! Thanks so much for giving me the inspiration to do "something" about my problems. This is a big step for me.

Paulo: thanks for responding to my earlier post. I really feel much better every time I read what you guys write in this thread. Everyone here is so supportive. Thanks again
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: siomai on June 03, 2008, 06:14:04 pm
hello. i havent read all the messages from this topic but i want to share my story.

my hubby (live-in partner, actually) used to have a very violent relationship. at first, it was him hurting me (i would end up just crying and helpless) until i learned to be violent myself when i decided i needed to defend myself.

i swear our fights could turn very ugly.. at some point my face got deformed sa sobrang pambubugbog and there were times i would get sick and high with fever at di makabangon sa sakit. on the other hand, hindi na rin mabilang ang times that i would bring out a knife and actually hurt him..

take note of the used to na part.. these days, we fight less and we only fight with our mouths..

i never thought this day would come that we would be this happy. frankly, hindi ko maremember na yung exact sequence of events kasi sa tagal na namin magkasama plus we would fall into a cycle kasi.. some of you would know na mawawala sya for some time and then andun na ulit.. sakitan ulit...

anyway, i think below are some of the reasons we turned our life around.

1. I fought back and he also got a taste of the pain - (I would not always recommend this though because it might not work for you baka mas mapasama lang lalo).. you have to be really strategic. In my case kasi theoretically, kaya ko sumalag, sumuntok at sumipa kasi nagmartial arts ako noong bata pa ako. Pero masakit pa din sya ha kasi iba talaga pag lalake.. I also used to fight physically with my older brother when I was younger..

2. All our families - his and mine plus our friends know about the violence . Before I got pregnant and when we were still dating my father wanted to file case against my bf pero I advised against kasi sabi ko mawawalan sya ng nag-iisang anak. My dad cried kasi I was the youngest and only girl and I had never received any spanking nung lumalaki ako.. My brothers were also really mad at my bf then... I was defiant sa dad ko.. I still continued with the relationship until I got pregnant..  When I gave birth, I told my bf's parents about his ways and they understood me kasi nga may pagkamainitin ulo talaga sya.. Our families (both sides) embraced our weaknesses and loved us without question.. The kindness that my family constantly show him and the support of his family sa akin plus our children give us strength that we can do it and keep the relationship.

3. we recognized that this was wrong -- violence will get us nowhere.. recognizing together that this is wrong and agreeing that this was not what we want.. we constantly remind ourself na hindi namin gustong balikan ang nakaraan. it is a struggle i tell you.. from almost every day and then every week na may away.. now we celebrate when we dont fight.. the fights now also are less intense..

4. we forgave each other and ourselves -- and try hard to forget the past.. admittedly, the forgetting part, medyo mahina ako.. kasi when stressed and depressed and being attacked, i resort to "reminding" him of how evil he was.. it's really not helping kapag ganun..

5. try to resolve the insecurities and find your self  most often when men hit their partners, it is because of insecurity. in my case, i was already working at nag-aaral pa lang sya and still unsure about his future.. when he found what things can make him happy at kung saan sya may future.. he was preoccupied with other positive things.. sa case ko naman.. i removed all the insecurity and self-pity na ako may kasalanan.. i try hard to find myself and give myself more respect..

6. for the abused -- admit your mistakes and learn from it as well.. okay, im sure marami magagalit sa inyo sa akin kasi you think the abused should not blame him/herself.. what i mean is, admit that it takes two to tango. Im sure by now you already know what ticks him off or what does not. Avoid mo na lang yung mga alam mong makakainit ng ulo ng partner mo. At the same time, let him know also what things irk you. 

7. pray very hard -- everyday, i would offer a prayer for him and for me..

i may have made it very simple lang pero alam ko mahirap sya.. ours is not a perfect relationship pa rin and we still have fights but we are with so much hope na hindi na kami babalik sa pangit na past namin.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on June 03, 2008, 09:28:41 pm
^^sis Im glad things worked out for you. may I ask how long it has been since the violence stopped? Thanks for sharing
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: arlene1018 on June 06, 2008, 08:15:45 pm
babebee: can u pm me na lang ur number, nawala kc [textspeak!] number ko eh. il call u. tnx!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on June 10, 2008, 10:00:04 am
Medyo OT to ha...

But after going into some counselling exactly a week ago, as ive mentioned earlier.... wala talaga ako kagana-gana with my husband. Wala ako gana even maki-sama properly with my in-laws. PArang Im not my usual self. Im just quiet not really making an effort to be nice or small talk anyone. Im nice enough to my husband but every morning getting up from my bed is a struggle. Usually when he gets up I get up and prepare whatever he wants to eat. Now, Im never in the mood to do things for my husband which I know he reallllllyyyy hates bec he complained abt that so many times already in the past--- about my housewife skills.

My husband i think is noticing the difference. I know the smarter thing to do is pretend nothing is out of the ordinary. But Im not plastic and really... I think I have a lot of repressed anger going on inside me right now which isso hard to cover.

I havent been feeling well too. I dunno if Im really down with something... although I did have a cold... or if its psychosomatic. Dunno if Im just getting depressed. I dont feel like anting much, I feel like throwing up. If I didnt know any better Id think I was having morning sickness.

What angers me so much about myself is my character flaws are overpowering me again. Instead of me working on the things that will empower me and go into "racket" mode,  Im just sulking around feeling sick. Im just acting like such a LAZY loser I hate it.

Whats worse in the end... husband ko pa magagalit sa akin bec Im being so lazy and being a walking zombie. In other words sya pa ang mag-threaten to leave me kasi di sya happy. Eh ako dito nga ang contemplating how to get out. I must be smarter at handling this.

Someone please talk some sense into me. Thanks
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: late_bloomer on June 10, 2008, 09:55:20 pm
hi sis, why don't you try to schedule something for the day?  Say some activity with your child? Para may something to look forward to ka.  Bonding nyo pa. 

have you seen a doctor?  baka kelangan mo ng medication? 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on June 10, 2008, 11:36:43 pm
^^
Hello Scorpiowolf.

Quote
"Whats worse in the end... husband ko pa magagalit sa akin bec Im being so lazy and being a walking zombie. In other words sya pa ang mag-threaten to leave me kasi di sya happy... "

Err ..... Mission Accomplished!?

He-he-he-he.

Hey. If it were me, a win is a win and I'll take it. :)

Seriously now, have you drawn your plan of action? I mean Empowering yourself doesn't happen overnight. So have you figured out how you will go about in attaining it? The reason I asked is if by chance you haven't drawn it yet then the recent Counselling may have given you the "idea" of what to do but unfortunately it can't specifically draw the path for you. Knowing what to do but not knowing how to do it pulls one into twice as much frustrations. Which is probably why you haven't been your usual self. Hatred, (un)fortunately drives us to work twice as much, but Frustrations, seeps into our being and zaps us of whatever energy we have left. The counselling could have shown you what you deserve, but perhaps it hasn't shown you yet how to move forward in escaping it. So you're currently in this state where you know you shouldn't be settling for what you have (which is frustrating), yet stuck because you don't know what to do (which makes it doubly frustrating).

I don't know Scorpiowolf. There are various explanations as to why you do what you are doing, and feel what you are feeling. But I think since you've already started sessions with a professional, my advise is you follow it up and follow it through.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sonncza on June 13, 2008, 04:08:06 pm
Medyo OT to ha...

But after going into some counselling exactly a week ago, as ive mentioned earlier.... wala talaga ako kagana-gana with my husband. Wala ako gana even maki-sama properly with my in-laws. PArang Im not my usual self. Im just quiet not really making an effort to be nice or small talk anyone. Im nice enough to my husband but every morning getting up from my bed is a struggle. Usually when he gets up I get up and prepare whatever he wants to eat. Now, Im never in the mood to do things for my husband which I know he reallllllyyyy hates bec he complained abt that so many times already in the past--- about my housewife skills.

My husband i think is noticing the difference. I know the smarter thing to do is pretend nothing is out of the ordinary. But Im not plastic and really... I think I have a lot of repressed anger going on inside me right now which isso hard to cover.

I havent been feeling well too. I dunno if Im really down with something... although I did have a cold... or if its psychosomatic. Dunno if Im just getting depressed. I dont feel like anting much, I feel like throwing up. If I didnt know any better Id think I was having morning sickness.

What angers me so much about myself is my character flaws are overpowering me again. Instead of me working on the things that will empower me and go into "racket" mode,  Im just sulking around feeling sick. Im just acting like such a LAZY loser I hate it.

Whats worse in the end... husband ko pa magagalit sa akin bec Im being so lazy and being a walking zombie. In other words sya pa ang mag-threaten to leave me kasi di sya happy. Eh ako dito nga ang contemplating how to get out. I must be smarter at handling this.

Someone please talk some sense into me. Thanks

sis ako din ganya sa bf ko, lagi nalang akong galit konting bagay lang, at pinapamukha kong lahat kasalanan nya, kahit minsan ako may kasalanan, to make me feel good lang about myself  and para i wont feel na im such a loser,, same here, when you say "flaws are overpowering me" ganun din feeling ko.. now im trying to be happy by going to the gym and having an OUTLET nalang, ewan ko if it'll work. sana i can improve in no time..
yesterday i went out with friends, which i dont normally do now, kasi nagtitipid ako, and by going out meaning eating out sa expensive resto. spluge lang muna, then a while ago i got a mani pedi at straithen hair ko, later ill go to the mall to buy clothes, sana this can also help to make me feel good about myself..NEW ME ang drama ko, coz ive decided to change na and take control of my life, i wont let my emotions/ frustraions get the best of me
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on June 14, 2008, 12:23:05 am
here's the latest drama of my life. My husband recently went by all my old phone bills dated during the months we were separated last year. To make a long story short, I had made phone calls to to different friends. both guys and girls. Hes darn pissed about me making all these calls especially calls made to guy friends bec bawal ako to maintain guy friends since we got togeher... especially to my old guy best friend. Anyway I had made several cal to my old guy best friend. Hes particularly mad at one call I made at 1130pm and 1 at 2 am. I know he thinks I had an affair or something bec. I know calls made at that time really look suspicious. However, the truth was my best friend was helping my find out info about the girl I had caught my husband with at that time. My best guy friend's girlfriend was the ofc mate of that girl my husband was hitting on.

Anyway, I didnt bother justifying it bec its just so useless. I just basically withdrew to another room in our house and I just stay out of his way as much as possible. I also try to sleep as many nights as I can in my parents house. I mean I know Im guilty in the sense that I lied to him about talking to guy friends. But, honeslty I didnt do anything. My GOD, I keep thinking howdare he have the nerve to torture me over this, when it was he I really caught during that time.

anyway it doesnt matter. At the present im not interested in explaining myself. All ill say is that my conscience is clear. I just want to keep staying away bec frankly im scared of what abuse he might do to me again. And honestly.... m sooooooooooo tired.

I even told my MIL and SIL everything!! Including the abuse, the calls I made, and the way my husband thinks im a cheater and a liar. They both told me one thing. That I shouldnt say sorry if i didnt do anything wrong, and that should nver allow him to ever hurt him again.

Also, today I saw a psychiatrist. I saw her bec I wanted the opinion of a medical doctor. Honestly Rose Yenko who is a psychologist was able to "move me" and inspire me more. But Im glad is saw the psychiatrist bec I was able to describe to her how the stress of my marriage PHYSICALLY affects me. My stress, the anxiety, and sometimes depression. And bec shes a doctor she was able to give me the anti-anxiety meds I had requested. I hope these meds will help me be calmer about things; and thus, be able to think things through more. She also suggested that I go for a trial separation at least in the meantime. One thing is these appointments dont run cheap and its tough to shell out the money. But Im squeezing my savings bec I feel I need this right now.

Lastly, I have been reading this book which I found in a used bookstore. its called "The Battered Woman" by Leonore E. Walker. Its an old bookbut its very informative. It opened my eyes to a lot of things. Its making me understand completely the cycles of abusive relationships. I will post exerpts soon. Hopefully it will help others the way it is helping me now.

God bless us all! And thanks again aquacharly for giving me Rose's number.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: late_bloomer on June 14, 2008, 09:02:09 pm
scorpiowolf, it's good that you are under medication muna.  for what you've been through, you are really a tough cookie I'd say.

As for your SIL and MIL, hindi ba nila pagsasabihan ang hubby mo?  May [textspeak!] ka pa ba?  Ano daw bang topak ang sumayad sa utak nya bakit sya ganun. 

As for the phone calls, naku sis, am really beginning to think that your hubby is crazy. sorry for that term. pero who in the right mind would have the time to dig up all those past bills, ang dami ata nyang oras?  wala ba syang trabaho or ibang ginagawa?  anyway, that's a rhetorical question, in any case, tama yan, hayaan mo nalang sya and get out of his way if at all possible, for now.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on June 15, 2008, 12:32:08 am
^^ hi sis! actually pinagsasabihan naman ata siya ng MIL ko but never yung directly or confrontational. My MIL texted me today that shes going to be there for me and that she spoke na daw to my husband. I dont know what she told him or what they talked about. But the last time I spoke with my MIL she said lang that he needs help.

actually my husband is employed and is making quite a comfortable living for us. And I dont want to be dischonest here, so Ill admit that I too have checked his phone bills many times in the past. That's how nahuli ko yung mga tinatawagan niya before. Anyway, quite frankly he's investigating me the way I investigated him before. Except that I spoke with the girl directly and talagang she told me nakikipagkilala yung husband ko sa kanya. Mine on the other hand, Is an old friend.

Actually it really doesnt matter right now. Bec the relationship is sooooo screwed up. His issue with me is that Im a lying cheater. My issue with him is that he's abusive. He has absolutely no idea why Im keeping away. He probably even thinks its bec Im guilty. but in reality I just dont want to deal with him right now. Im too tired! Im too emotinally drained. Im just going through my days one day at a time.

Thing is that no matter what he thinks Ive done or what I am; I am no longer happy. im sure siya rin di sya masaya. so maybe this is really going to be it for our marriage. I cant explain what I feel. bec in the past Id get anxiety and panic attacks and call him to say sorry and fix it para matapos na. Now, I think the meds are working to calm me down and so I have resisted making any contact with him at all! But i do still get anxious and depressed a little, but nothing like before.

Thing is Im going back home on monday. bec my son has school. hayyyyyyy I dunno what will happen na! In a way Im scared bec baka all his repressed anger will unleash on me. But in a way Im feel safer nakausap siya ng mom niya na wag ako saktan. At the same time baka lumamig na yung ulo.

Thanks for listening everyone!!!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on June 18, 2008, 05:29:31 pm
Mga Sis!  Am on the run, very hectic since I got back.  Am leaving again.

Somebody asked for LORNA KAPUNAN?  She is the high profile lawyer who is an ace with regards to Family Code concerns.

Atty Kapunan will tell you that even if natutulog ka lang sa bahay mo -- you are entitled to 50% of all conjugal properties -- kahit your husband was the only 1 who worked for these.  That is the law per the Family Code in place now.  (Eh naku mga Sis, kahit na SAHM eh works pa din in the house, ano bang natutulog lang?!  :))

I was a victim of emotional abuse noon (na papunta nang physical abuse -- but now we are very okay  -- more of a miracle from God than anything he or I did.  He is really a different man now.)  --naku walang maniniwala coz I come across in my daily business and personal lives as confident,  aggressive, focused, highly educated, etc. etc.  (Things are never always what they seem.)

Well, Atty Kapunan said to me --  "Who is (hubby's name)?  Who is he?" in a manner that -- Click!   nawala ang takot ko 
Click!  I gained the right perspective.  click!  Nauntog ako out of my emotional
abuse perspective (kasi hindi ba the abuser makes you feel 1inch tall).

Hahaha   when I confronted hubby I said:  And who are you? Do I know you?

Tuwa nya sa akin si Atty Lorna K  kasi I had a complete listing of properties (even the original and  xeros TCTs/CCTs with real estate ORs);  as well as a listing of all fund placements and other investments (original passbooks/documents in my safekeeping too).   Maabilidad daw ako na abused (LOL).   Coz info is the crucial factor when you have to get something from your husband, pag gusto mo na syang hiwalayan.  Dapat alam mo where the money & investments are, at least for the sake of your children and in the interest of getting child support.

She told me to read the Family Code.  That was our 1st and last consultation coz after that --  tumapang na ako and  nauntog out of my depression and emotional abuse.

Atty Lorna Kapunan's     office nos. are    631 6192   and    631 6171

ANNA Kapunan may be a daughter or sister -- ask for her nos. at the above office
nos. of Atty Lorna.   The office is somewhere in the Ortigas Center.

IF you can afford the services of Atty Lorna Kapunan or her law office ---  you are in very good hands.   (She did not charge me for that 1st consultation.)  Nevertheless,  ask pa din after your 1st consultation with her about her rates or if they can take you on pro bono.  Usually prestigious law offices accepthave pro bono/free cases.

She will never sell you out;  she will not give you false hopes.
Importante -- hindi takot kahit sino ang husband mo; hindi nya aatrasan yan.
That is what  my friends and relatives who have sought her help say of her. 
(Course, hindi ko say nagpunta ako for consultation. Kayo lang may alam nyan ha  ;)) 

For those who could not get hold of Rose Yenko -- please try again. 
She is back from Japan.  Text and leave her a number where she can get back to you.  Just tell her you are AquaCharly's new friend (so she charges me for your 1st session -- kahit ilang oras kelangan nyo for your 1st session, basta go kayo Sis -- ako bahala.)   PM me about your appointment so I can call her too.

You all take care.  God bless!  Oo, pati si Paolo, God bless Paolo.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on June 29, 2008, 04:14:08 pm
hello to all my friends on this thread.

Ive been away for some time bec of all the chaos thats been going on in my life, plus bec the internet at home got messed up.

Anwat for the last 2 weeks I had been going home to our house where my husband stays bec my son has school and its easier to get him to school from there. On the weekends Ive been staying over at my parents' house. When I back home, I stay in a separate room and my husband and I avoid and absoutely IGNORE each other. No talking no nothing. Anyway last week I decided to leave our house bec I felt like a doormat coming home without anyone to talk to and my husband basically gone all day till the wee hours of the morning doing god knows what.

Anyway... IM SOOOOOO SAD now. For the first time My husband and I spoke over the phone. And I asked him  if it was really over and he said yes. I mustered all my strength to sound nonchalant in that conversation. I really feel this is the end of my marriage bec for the first time we NEVER even discussed any problem or werent emotional at all. Not even a "you hurt me so much bec..." Our conversation was all business.

Anyway Ive been trying to prepare myself for this. I knew I wasnt in a good relationship. BUT OH MY GOD...I AM HURTING SOOOOOO MUCH. I feel like my life is over. I do miss my husband. I dont miss the fighting and the abusive behavior... but darn when our relationship was GOOD and he wasnt in one of his moods, our relationship was really GOOD! I know its a typical pattern of abusive men... but grabe i keep thinking about the good times and how my life is forever changed. That I will never be together with the love of my life... even if that love of my life turned out to be a disappointment.

I keep denying it to family and friends but here I can confess to everyone that I still am hoping. (arghhhh IM SO STUPID) but the "love" I still feel for him is making me hope that he will come back begging and WILLING to go to therapy and work it out. 

I love my husband so much it hurts. But i KNOW 100% this time I will not be the one to FIX things again. I want him to realize that he can and will really lose me. And that If ever he has love left for me, then he has to start shaping up. THAT at least is what I am hoping. Sadly right now seems like reality is not leading up to those hopes of mine. Looks like my husband doesnt care at all, and seems happy living a bachelor's life.  It is breaking my heart. I am so hurt that I look at the mirror and cant beleive this is happening to me!!!!!

aquacharly: your messages here have been truly inspiring. I hope u dont mind if we email each other. There are some questions i want to ask you sana on how you were able to turn your situation around. can u please pm me your email address? I would mean a lot to me! Thanks!!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on July 03, 2008, 02:28:45 pm
^sis, that's so sad... but all along, i thought you were praying for an abusive relationship to end?  :(

in a realtionship like that, you really have to choose whether to stay or leave, to be happy or be miserable...

allow yourself to be happy, sis. it's been a while. it is not a sin to love yourself first...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on July 03, 2008, 09:45:55 pm
Ako naman, I think in a way it's healthy to HOPE that a relationship-gone-bad can still be saved. Healthy, most especially for the wives. So as long as you are firm on your stand not to give in nor take any further abuse, I believe hanging onto that fleeting bit of hope is more like a Prelude to Acceptance. Think of it this way .... That HOPE your holding onto, is actually going to make breaking free much easier to bare. If you keep your sensibility intact, and your emotions in check, that tiny bit of Hope might just cushion your fall.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on July 08, 2008, 11:15:29 pm
mga sis, i really need to release this frustration, fear, anger and depression that i'm feeling now.  i've posted some of my experiences sa kabilang topics but i think i would much rather relate them here in detail....i need help!

i met this man when i was on the brink of separating from my husband.  he was nice and was a friend saming mag-asawa.  eventually, when we separated, he thought that we were having an affair which was not true.  so as the months passed, we became closer and we kinda fell for each other na din kasi nga nagtutulungan kami parati with our mixed up lives (he's separated din kasi), a business that we put up and a lot of other things that we did together. everything was well but after a few months, he became really unreasonable, jealous of my friends and employees (even suggesting that i slept with one of them), started cursing me, demanding that i let go of my friends, criticizing what i wore, and a lot of other things.  i tried to explain to him that i was only running my business and nothing more.  he didn't want to listen to me.  since i did have feelings for him na, dumating na sa point na napapabayaan ko na mga anak ko just to look for him.  there was also one time when he agreed to meet me and he just watched me cry, beg, and grovel just for him to believe me.  it started at 8pm and ended 6am the next day.  sobrang maga ng mata ko and i was so drained from crying but ang tigas niya...sinisigawan pa din niya ako at pinalalabas niyang sinaktan ko daw siya.  we came to an agreement after that and things were okay for a short time.

there was a time that we came from an opening of a friend's bar so we got to meet up with some old friends of mine.  one of them asked for my number and even insinuated that we do some monkey business.  i actually was flabergasted because he was a friend so i told my partner about it.  he was a common friend of me and my ex.  during that time, in the process pa lang ako ng annulment ko. what my partner wanted to do was call the guy and tell him off.  i didn't want to give him my phone for fear na baka gumawa lalo ng gulo yung guy and tell my ex stories that may not even be true.  so for not giving the phone to him, he took my wallet and keys, locked the door sa car ko and left me sa tapat ng squatters area and went home.  i was so scared because walang tint ang car ko and anyone could easily see me inside.  i kept on calling him but he just kept on yelling at me for not following what he wanted.  i begged him to come back kasi may kumakatok na sa salamin ng car and i was really freaking out.  he came back after an hour.  at hinatid niya pa sarili niya sa place niya using my car with me in it.  i forgave him for that.

he even fought with me a day after i gave birth to our baby.  sa hospital sinigawan niya ako and even became physical with me knowing na mahina pa katawan ko at baka mabinat ako....pero he didn't care...galit siya e.

there are so many stories of how he made me feel so worthless and degraded.  the latest incident was...he uses my car everyday while i'm at work.  siya naman pa-gas nun at least.  naiinis ako sa kanya because when i get out of work, i expect him to be there na because i'm already pooped and i want to go home.  i would text him an hour or two before what time ako lalabas para at least di na siya naghihintay ng matagal. pero the past few weeks, he's made me wait for more than an hour sa office ko.  my reason sa kanya kaya ako pissed off na nale-late siya is because he has my car the whole day na nga and yung time na dapat makuha ko na, ako pa naghihintay.  tama ba naman ako may-ari ako pa di makagamit sa car ko? 

here's the last straw...last saturday, my kids and i were supposed to leave for a reunion with my friends at serendra.  he called just when i was about to leave telling me he was coming over.  i told him that i was going out and where so he told me to just pick him up somewhere.  i told him that my daughter and i was just gonna buy something...he said unahin daw muna siya at naghihintay siya.  we still went and bought the item.  we were in and out of the store in 5 mins.  i didn't tell him about it na kasi magagalit pa siya and i was thinking it didn't take much time.  pag dating namin dun, nagdadabog na siya, sinigawan yaya ng anak ko, and drove my car like he wanted to ram it sa pader.  when we got there sa serendra, he wanted the baby to stay with him so my daughter and i went to meet my friends.  we ended at 12am na din.  nung sumakay na kami, he was still driving like a madman and brought us back to makati where he parked in front of a restaurant, took the keys again, and left us there at almost 1 in the morning.  i looked for him and found him about 45 minutes later eating at another restaurant.  sarap ng buhay niya, yung yaya ng anak ko gutom na gutom kasi di niya pinakain while they were locked inside the car.  i told him we were going home kasi kawawa naman yung mga bata, it was late na....di pa din.  when i blocked the door ng car, he pushed me away and stepped on my foot kasi siya pa din drive ng car.  aba, at hinatid na naman niya sarili niya sa place niya.  i didn't want to fight with him in front of my daughter and the yaya. 

ngayon i heard nagsumbong siya sa mga friends niya and relatives niya how bad i was and that i lied to him.  nasaktan daw siya.  most of his friends tell me how they don't like him and why i'm with him kasi ever since daw talagang masama na ugali niya.  i chose to stay because i was hopinh for a miracle and that he'd change.  apparently i was wrong.  now we're not talking but i have a lot of stuff with him and nabaon ako sa utang because of him.  i'm ready to let go na di na niya babayaran utang niya kasi walang konsensya e.  but there are things that i need to get back from him para tapos na.

my question lang is, is it really this hard to let go?  what makes it even harder is that we have a child together and the kid loves him....i can tell.  pano na to?  i feel so bad and i don't know what to do anymore.  di ko na kaya pero inaalala ko yung anak naming dalawa.  i already have two kids with my ex who were abandoned by their father, ayokong daanan to ng baby ko or if ever she was to go through this, pano ko ie-explain sa kanya bakit ayoko makita daddy niya?  ayokong manira, dad pa din niya yun.

any suggestions?...please help me....again.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on July 09, 2008, 03:01:36 pm
^sis, i posted this quote in another thread. but you can get a cue from it.

“When life blows a crater in your road to happiness, stop digging deeper, climb out, wipe yourself down, laugh and then choose a different road.”
~Jackie Mulgrew~


ang hirap ng situation mo, sis. i don't want to sound preachy, but sana... you waited for your previous marriage to be annulled first. at least, you will still have time to think things over... isa pa, do you know the reasons why your partner got separated from his wife? there are things na inherent na sa isang tao... eh baka kaya siya hiniwalayan ng wife niya... dahil hindi siya mabait. ;) sana rin hindi ka muna nagka-baby sa kanya... you know, it's good to start anew when things are right...

ang dami kong sana... hehe sorry...

reading your post, i may say that you know what your problem is and you know very well, too, how to deal with it. you're just scared to do it. sa kwento mo, your partner is not worth your time. forgive me... hindi kaya kulang na ang brain cells ng taong 'yon??? hehe are you scared na lalo siyang magiging evil if you'll leave him? haaay... i don't know, sis... aren't you supposed to get scared all the more kung magsasama na talaga kayo sa iisang bahay later on?

sinabi ko na nga ba... when my husband fooled around and i was contemplating of looking for a new love... errr... to get even.. :D, my friend told me na how sure daw ba that i'll be getting a better man this time??? yeah, right... ilan na nga lang ba ang matitinong lalaki on earth? :D

i just told myself... if ever he leaves me, it's time to party! at kung sino man ang kawawang girl na samahan niya, padadalhan ko ng "thank you" card. hehe seriously, sis, bilib ako sa 'yo... hindi ko kasi kaya 'yang ganyan... but you now, put that strength in good use. save your strength and courage to do what is right--- even if it means you'll be unhappy for a while. for your sake and your children's, leave him. he's not your husband, after all. hanggang maaga pa...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on July 09, 2008, 04:34:57 pm
Sis TRINITY -- what the f*ck!

Plain and simple emotional and physical abuser yang bf mo.
What did you not find in your ex-husband that you find in this man kaya you put up with all the cruelty and rudeness?

It is so hard to let go of a husband,  even if he is the meanest person on earth --
wives keep hoping and taking the abuse --  but eventually, some let do let go and walk away.  Eh ikaw -- you walked away from your husband -- that was surely a catharsis,  and took a lot of courage and self examination to do -- coz you had 2 kids with him.  Why can't you do it this time?  Dapat mas claro na to you, after your annulment, what kind of a relationship is a dead-end

If you thought it best for your 2 older children to walk out on their father -- bakit hindi mo magawa ngayon?  Do you think such behavior of your bf does not negatively affect the psyche of all your 3 children?  What will they think of you if you keep on with this?  The day will come they will tell you to your face to leave such a mean man. 

You say ayaw mo the 3rd child to go through what the 2 older children went through.  Eto lang opinion ko Sis -- you mean you will sacrifice the older 2 children for the 3rd kid's interest?  Sa tingin mo --  your 3rd child, pag laki ng konti eh will be able to see the father as 2 separate entities?  1 is the mean and cruel 1 he is to you and your older children,  and 1 the person she loves to see?   Sa tingin mo,  his cruelty and rudeness will not reach or will not be shown to that 3rd child?  Sis, wake up please.

Nalubog ka na sa utang?  Whatever it is you have to get from him pa -- do it fast or else,  just leave it all. 

Or, like a friend of mine -- please do not get angry with me --  she did not want to leave her 2nd abusive husband coz her mother (some mothers talaga!) said:   "If you separate from him, this 2nd husband of yours, people will say ikaw talaga may diperensya." 

Good grief, Sis TRINITY -- gusto ko boink my friend's head.  Sabi ko -- you care pa what people think of you?  What do you think your children think of you?  And your child will grow up thinking an abusive man is a normal person to live with? 

Hay naku, Sis --  get out before he does you irreversible harm.

PM you re Rose Yenko baka she can help you.  God bless! 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on July 10, 2008, 01:07:19 pm
sis betrayed0403

thanks for the reality check...and i don't think it was preachy.  i probably needed to hear that from somebody.  tigas kasi ng ulo ko e.  ang hirap lang kasi, i don't have anyone to talk to anymore.  i lost my friends and i can't tell my relatives naman.  tried to keep everything to myself but di ko na kaya e.  i totally blame myself for getting too attached to this person...maybe the saying "misery loves company" is true in my case. :P

sis aquacharly

i gave up on my marriage because my husband was not a good provider and he physically and verbally abused my eldest.  it was actually my eldest who asked me to ask him to leave.  all of our expenses and assets hanggang sa baon ng mga anak ko for school came from my parents.  he did have work pero he never gave his earnings to me.  siya may hawak ng pera naming mag-asawa...magastos daw kasi ako.  all i had was a php500 weekly allowance from him and the rest di ko na alam kung asan.  anyway, that's water under bridge and i have moved on... pang nobela nga buhay ko hehe.

napakamalas ko talaga pag dating sa matters of the heart.

i don't know why di ko maiwan itong taong to.  probably because naaawa ako sa kanya dahil ang dami na niyang pinagdaanan sa buhay and ayoko na siyang makita na nasasaktan.  pag nakikita ko din kasi na kasama niya anak namin, nakikita ko na love din naman niya yung bata.  i don't know.  ang gulo sobra ng utak ko ngayon.  galit ako pero at the same time andun yung awa.

got your pm...thank you so much!!! greatly appreciated.  will be getting in touch with rose yenko later after work.  will update you....thanks again!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: reality on July 10, 2008, 08:02:15 pm
sis, as a daughter of someone who was also emotionally and physically abused, i can tell you it will definitely scar your kids too. the psychological abuse manifested itself among my siblings and i.

sis, escape before it's too late.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on July 11, 2008, 02:44:09 am
^Sis TRINITY8

Actually Sis,  nakakatakot that he can just abandon you sa squatters area at an ungodly hour.

Sis, why don't you keep duplicates of your car keys?
Kahit multiple duplicates -- tago mo sa bag mo, under the car mat -- so that when he goes off with your car keys -- hindi ka helpless/in danger.
(1 day, drive off and leave him behind.  If he throws a tantrum in the parking lot --  that will be something for you  to laugh about.  Just kidding!)

Hay naku, Sis -- do not take it against yourself -- na hindi ka makapag isip ng claro.  It happens to women who are in abusive relationships.  No matter how intelligent you are, how well educated, how exposed to the world, bleh bleh bleh -- basta ganyan ang nature of your problem -- it is hard to think, what more to think straight.

That is why it is important you are able to access competent, objective help.
Hindi puedeng you vent on just anyone,  at baka maging "the blind leading the blind", even if the intentions are good.

Give Rose a try.  She was a businesswoman, NGO leader, a woman of several advocacies, accomplished.   She has retired from all that, and is now focusing on what is closest to her heart:  empowering women, regardless of where they are coming from.  You can unburden yourself,  tell her everything and anything -- she is
non-judgmental.  You do not even have to give her a name except for Trinity8. 

What can I tell you?  Keep your distance, keep your cool.
Try to avoid the violence, the rages.
Most of all , shield your children from all his nonsense.

BUT as the astute Paolo says over and over again to all of us women here -- take that 1 small step.  That 1 small step may start a chain of changes in your life;  or may just give you more strength to bear it all -- whatever, your soul wants some action. 
1 small step will be enough, in the meantime. 

Take care of yourself, always, Sis.

Please go see Rose. 
 
God bless you.



Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on July 12, 2008, 12:56:26 am
to reality

i think it already started with my children and i hope that it 's not too late for me to reverse it.  i really want them to have a "normal" life pa din and not full of anger and disappointment.  trying to reverse what happened to us is very difficult but at least we are trying to take a few steps forward together....thanks for the concern.

sis aquacharly

di lang squatters area pinag-iwanan niya sakin.  you wouldn't believe the places that i've seen that would really freak you out.  he would actually come back for me after an hour or so, pag-uwi ko pa may pabaon pa akong pasa, black eye, at kung anuano pa.  na-ospital na nga ako dati kasi inaway niya ako tapos sa sobrang pagpaiyak niya sakin, i actually collapsed inside the car...feeling ko talaga puputok na puso at mga ugat ko sa sentido sa sobrang hirap na huminga sa kakaiyak, begging and explaining.   ngayon lang talaga ako nakakilala ng taong sobrang tigas ng puso...kahit mamamatay ka na sa harap niya, wala pa din siyang gagawin unless makita niyan mawalan ka na nga malay sa sobrang pagod.  kasi talagang di ako tinitigilan nun.  hanggat galit siya, paiiyakin talaga niya ako.  pag tumahimik ako,hihiritan pa din ako ng away. hay nako, kung ikukwento ko pa baka lalo lang kumulo dugo niyo.

i actually thought of bringing extra keys na nga e pero he checks everything in and out of the car and even my stuff.  he regularly screens my phone book for any new entries and if he doesn't like what he sees, he deletes them.  pero siya di ko mahawakan cellphone niya.  he destroyed my laptop worth 100,000 and he also did damage to my desktop pc worth 50,000.  i mean those amounts are irrelevant to me but what really ticked me off at that time was those things are used sa work ko and ang mahal pa naman magpa-ayos nun.   sabi niya that time, sisirain daw niya yun kasi masyado daw akong materialistic and di ko man lang iniisip yung nararamdaman niyang galit and he wanted my job to suffer...wala siyang pakialam talaga.

don't worry sis, i contacted rose this morning.  she replied that she had a long day today but will be texting me tomorrow.  i hope i can see her soon.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: reality on July 12, 2008, 03:01:38 pm
to reality

i think it already started with my children and i hope that it 's not too late for me to reverse it.  i really want them to have a "normal" life pa din and not full of anger and disappointment.  trying to reverse what happened to us is very difficult but at least we are trying to take a few steps forward together....thanks for the concern.


be strong. gain wisdom. have yourself a great life. good luck.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on July 13, 2008, 10:55:52 pm
sis trinity, just one brave step to get out and you will. sa story mo, wala ka naman nakukuha sa kanya eh... so, why would you waste your time on him?

you will get hurt only if you'll allow it. kaya mo siyang iwanan, sis. problem lang, how would he react kaya? parang nakakatakot siya eh... :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on July 14, 2008, 12:29:37 am
^
I was thinking about the same thing too. It's not going to be easy to leave that guy, ... and that's not because of his irresistible personality ha. :) He has a child with you. Like most hard-to-lose abusive husbands, he's bound to use your child to get to you. Most likely claim custody, if only to rattle you.

Then there's his violent, sadistic and torture-happy personality of his. Your stories of how he'd take your keys and leave you in strange, seemingly dangerous places is an act of domination. Holding onto your keys translates to being your only "hope" out of there. ... And tight spot he himself put you in. Which makes the act more sickening. What happens to a person whose savior is also his/her tormentor? And he does that supposedly to "punish" you for something he believes you did wrong. The problem there is he believes he is actually "teaching you a lesson". Sort of a firm, emotionless stand to help straighten you out. But in reality, it's just a sadistic response to his very own insecurities.

That "take your keys" incidents says a lot Trinity8. I don't think your real problem in not bringing a spare key with you, or in hiding one somewhere in your car is because he checks it. I could name places and stuff where a spare car key can easily be concealed in, but that won't help. I think you are afraid that if you use a spare key and manage to get away, you'll have to suffer his wrath. To him naman it's a test of how far into his control you happen to be. It doesn't take a genius to anticipate that since he has the habit of taking your car keys and leaving you in strange places, any time soon you'd be smart enough to come up with a counter plan. But everytime he comes back for you, and he finds you sitting there, crying, and relying on his good graces to save you, he knows he has you exactly where he wants you.

This guy, will not be easy to lose. At least that's the way I see it. I know guys with similar anger/sadistic issues, and the best way to get them to leave you alone is to fight back and gain control. You may want to prepare for that.

Meantime, I think it's high time to tell your relatives about it. Bring reinforcements back into your life, little by little, one relative/friend at a time. That can go hand-in-hand with Aquacharly's advise on professionals to help you see things clearly. Eventually, you may also need the support of someone in your BF's side of the family to control him. Preferably someone he listens to or is scared of. You'll need the support of all the people you can rely on to counter this one.

Gee, this post of mine should frighten you more than enlighten you ;). I'm sorry. I just call it the way I see it.

I wish you luck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on July 14, 2008, 08:25:55 pm
^ Sis TRINITY8 -- after reading the additional info you gave on this bf of yours, plus the added dimension from Paolo --  you are in 1 extremely scary situation.

Parang may sayad, ano Sis?  What a real terror he is.  For your sake, I hope he doesn't go over the border soon --  he is the type to bring everybody down with him.

Yes, given that he gets a lot of  benefits from you, and you are constantly frightened and under his thumb --he will not let go of you just like that.   

I just cannot see how things can get better, before getting even worse for you and the children.  The only easy way out I can see is if you and his child can go abroad, out of his reach -- for at least a year.  Coz once he senses you are starting to stand up to him and to abandon ship  -- he will use the child to continue his control over you.  I do not mean to scare you, but  we have read in the papers stories of  husbands/bfs  spiriting the child away and keeping the child out of the mother's reach.  Now, that will be real anguish.

Consult a lawyer, Sis Trinity.  Start quietly building a case so that you will never be deprived of your child.  Likewise,  start building the legal basis for later on le gally keeping him away from you and your child.   

Take care, and God bless.


Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on July 16, 2008, 02:24:04 am
to paulo

i believe that you really hit the nail on the head when i read your opinion on this.  i am actually scared to death that he will do something to me when I finally come to my senses and leave him.  i tried doing it once and he really made things really hard for me.    he would go to the extreme of making up stories to the people around me just to show them that he is right and i am wrong.  even if i know i did nothing wrong and these are supposedly the people on my side, ako pa din ang lalabas na masama.  i could act as if i did not care but it comes to the point that it affects not only me but my kids na din.

if i did have spare keys and go home, di niya ako titigilan.  he would call the landline, celphone, and use any form of communication even if it means badgering me until the next day, or the next, and so on and so forth.  he's done it before.

the last time i fought back, i got a black eye and a rib cage muscle injury.  i want to leave the country with my kids but i don't have the financial capability to do so and i can't leave my parents...which is another story.

sis aquacharly

i sometimes think that i am in the situation because i chose to be in it therefore, i have to take it.  yes, it is a scary situation and i am so afraid, angry, depressed, and confused.

para ngang may sayad.

i know he will not take steps legally to take the child away...this i am definitely sure of.  another long story.

saw rose today...i'm going back to have my issues resolved.  i felt so relieved to talk to someone.  apparently, we have a lot of issues to fix.  i need a major overhaul.  hehe...i thank you so much!!!!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on July 16, 2008, 10:43:28 am
Dear, dear, dear Sis TRINITY8 --  so glad you felt some relief.  There is always light at the end of the tunnel.  And,  it is never too late to have a beautiful life.

Take care of yourself, always Sis.  Some of us here are praying for you and the rest.

God bless.   :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: superpam on July 20, 2008, 02:31:17 pm
after reading the stories here, i keep wondering is it that hard to leave an abusive relationship? i myself have not been in this kind of situation first hand but i've seen my mom at her worst when she was still with my dad, and the things my dad did to her? unbelievable, as a result my mom became a very bitter woman, her temper is like a ticking bomb waiting to explode, she became a different person as a result of what she went thru with my dad... to all the women out there think about your children, think about the person you're becoming, think about the relationship being lost, is it worth it?

at this day and age we should be able to live without a man, we should be able to provide for ourselves, we should be able to raise our children on our own, and if you think your children will be at a loss for not having a father growing up, i say its far more better than having a father that beats their mother... like what sis aquacharly said the kids will think, an abusive realtionship is ok, which is not.

and if this ever happens to me, i hope i have the courage to leave and say no to an abusive relationship, and i'll sue his ass in court! ;D
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: fastlove on July 21, 2008, 02:34:00 am
I'm sure  alam mo na gagawin mo ..  apply mo nalang. agad.. pero for  example ,  meron mangyari sa mga  anak mo at kagagawan  lalaki mo.  kelan gagawa ng action...
malas na tao.. yan..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on July 24, 2008, 10:36:16 am
apparently, the relief that i felt last week was shortlived.  i have been avoiding my partner and not communicating with him but he constantly badgers me with phone calls and messages.  i had my line cut already but he still gets through one way or another.  i am scared that one of these days i'll see him outside or near my place and just beat the crap out of me for doing those things.  last night, he told me to call him up but since i was working, there was no time.  i've been working two jobs and i was very tired.  to top it all off, i haven't eaten a decent meal in two days kaya hilong hilo na ako.  he knows my schedule but he still thinks that i'm just doing this to "sleep" with somebody else para di na kami magkita.  i'm working like a horse and i still get this from him.  binabaan ko ng phone and didn't answer his messages but the things he said hurt so much.  i just cried it out but i'm still so depressed and majorly stressed. 

i tried asking help from his relative before but nothing happened.  pinalabas pa ng relative na ako ang may kasalanan kaya ako nabugbog.  kahit lumapit pako sa ibang relatives niya, wala ding mangyayari kasi wala naman siyang kinakatakutan sa mga yun e.  para ngang he owns the world.

my family will not help me either.  long story.....

i can't sleep anymore, i can't eat, my work's getting affected na....can't think straight.  ayoko na ata.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on July 24, 2008, 01:26:55 pm
Let me get this straight, ... His relatives Tolerate his abusive nature? Or is it just that they don't believe he can be that abusive?

First off, ... on his accusations that you are "sleeping around": That is a serious thing because he could use that very idea as a reason to hurt you. Avoiding an abusive partner is one thing, but avoiding him because you're cheating is yet another thing. Be it that it is acceptable or not, a lot of spousal abuse cases fires off from cases of jealousy, and accusations of infidelity.... and I heard, a handful of the complainants are even men. :)

Kidding aside, have you considered filing a case against him? More of a preventive measure. Say that he threatened you, and use past physical assaults to boost your claim. If you are really determined to cut all ties with the guy then you might as well make sure he keeps a safe distance away.

There is no such thing as a guy who owns the world. :) Really. Your fear of him is simply an illusion he himself made you see. Not that you don't have any reason at all to fear for your safety. But don't let that fear ruin your life.

Go to the women's desk of the nearest police station. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to your priest.

More importantly .... Eat, get enough Rest, and Collect yourself. You can't win a fight if you're going to start destroying yourself from within.

Hope that helps.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on July 24, 2008, 02:52:52 pm
i really don't know why ako pa ang lumabas na masama when i told that relative what happened before.  he thinks that i deserved it because ang tigas daw ng ulo ko kasi dapat daw di ako lumalaban.  the relatives know na dating sakit ng ulo siya ng mom niya and that he was really a pain but now kasi, he's trying to show them that he's changed.  magaling kasi siya magsalita and very convincing. 

the cheating part, di ko na lang pinapansin because it's simply not true although most of the time, this is what makes him really flare up.  it's a figment of his imagination.  he even called my officemate, whose wife just gave birth...all because he said mas malaki daw opportunity for me and the guy to do "something" kasi kapapanganak lang daw ng wife niya....how sick can that be?   and he did this kasi nagtext lang yung guy to ask about what was happening in the office during his absence.

i do want to file a case against him but i'm also scared because he's kinda influential and baka mas lalo lang lumala ang situation. 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: reality on July 24, 2008, 04:43:19 pm
first, do take care of yourself. it's your self-destructive tendencies that you need to learn to control. so far it has controlled you.

second, is this guy above the law? then arm yourself with the law. don't go down without a fight.

go to the police. get a fierce lady lawyer. get as much support as you can.

maybe it's time to reconcile with your family. a normal, loving family is a bastion of strength and can protect you in ways you cannot imagine. blood is thicker than water.

don't make yourself an easy victim. surround yourself with people who can protect you. do you have a brother?

who are the people closest to you?

i hope you have not isolated yourself. you'll make it easy for other people to believe negative things said about you. socialize, speak up, be heard. that's the only way you can dispell all those attacks against your reputation. reputation is golden, you need to protect it for yourself & for your children.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on July 24, 2008, 05:08:16 pm
Sis TRINITY8 -- get a hold of yourself.  Go back to Rose, and get her to refer you to a dependable lawyer (one who is not scared going up against prominent people).  Also,  sit down longer with Rose so you can plan out with her a workable action plan to get you out of that grip of fear that is wearing you out.

Sis,  hindi ka ba talaga maka overseas for awhile? 

In the meantime,  do not hand over your child to that man.  Baka matulad ka kay Plinky Recto. 

If you can't go overseas,  and you feel your safety is compromised -- why don't you move your family to a condo unit with good security?

Sis, you are burning yourself on both ends -- tension for your safety on 1 end; and overwork on the other.  You cannot possibly go on for long without breaking down -- which you must avoid at all cost.

Give yourself a break.  Go where you will feel safe.  Give yourself some real relief (ngek, kakamadali ko with a previous post I typed in relieve -- if I were dead, I would have turned in my grave.  OC nga. :D  Just want to make you smile, Trinity8).

Kidding aside, please please please go back to Rose and formulate an action plan for you to do in the short term.  Take care, Sis.  God bless.   

God bless!

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on July 25, 2008, 07:50:28 am
Just want to share these articles I came across which has somehow helped me cope in leaving my abusive marriage:

Ask yourSelf this question: "Is this the way I want to spend my life?" Is it?

Assuming the two of you stay together, maybe get married, have children... Things don't get better, they get worse. Abuse worsens over time. The good in-between parts get shorter and the bad parts get longer. That's just the way it goes.

Wishful thinking is in my experience the most destructive process a person in an abusive relationship can engage in. Yet, most abused people survive via wishing and hoping that things will be better in the future. They won't. Many individuals hurt themselves unnecessarily by wishing/ hoping things will change. Learn from them. Otherwise, you'll just be back here some years from now, certainly more scarred than you already are.

By the way, this is not love even though it may  feel like love to you. This is the emotional rollercoaster of abuse. Remember, this is your life. You decide what you do and do not do. You pay the consequences, or reap the rewards. If you choose to drive the highway at 175 mph, regardless of much you may love the feeling,  you are the one who is endangering your life. Your choice. And, the relationship you are in is a choice.[/size][/size]
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on July 25, 2008, 08:05:44 am
Leaving my abusive husband was the most painful and difficult thing i have even experienced. Its been 2 months but there is not a day that goes by that I dont think of him, miss him, want him, and wish that things were different. Im ashamed to admit it but sometimes I still catch myself hoping for a miracle. I noticed though that minimizing my contact with him helps make me stronger. Every time I have contact with him, I slide back down the depression and emotional attachment scale. Ive realized its bec of the verbal abuse that made me feel so helpless and worthless all these years is also the reason why its doubly hard to get over this kind of relationship, as opposed to a more normal one. Also, its the dependency to my husband that he instilled in our marriage with his controlling ways, makes me feel all the more lost now, and yearning for him now that he isnt around.

Leaving your abuser is like a drug addict quitting cold turkey. You go through extreme withdrawals, yearning for the "good times" with your abuser. Remember it was those good times anyway that made you stay and remain hopeful throughout those years. I noticed the best way is for me to remember the bad times.

Here's a site that has been very helpful to me: www.drirene.com

also here are some tips on HOW TO SURVIVE LEAVING YOUR ABUSER

1. It is OK to have sad times. You miss the parts of your relationship that were good. It's OK to grieve. But never, ever forget the bad!

2.Sit down right now and write a comprehensive list of all the times that he intimidated you, abused you verbally, emotionally, or physically. Don't forget the passive aggressive stuff (like helping another woman with her coat at a party, but not helping you; being late; not following through; not answering, so you have to "chase" him for an answer; etc.)

3. Take the "Badness" list above, extrapolate and project into the future. Make things worse. Much worse. Abuse does get worse, you know. What might your life be like during the bad times down the road? How does he handle marriage and the inevitable disagreements? Your job? Money? Kids? What does a selfish, immature parent look like when in a bad mood? How might he treat your future children? And how would he rationalize his misbehavior to himself? Keep these lists with you and read it them time you feel down.

4. Separate how much you miss of what: How much percent do you miss the whole person he is as opposed to how much percent do you miss being in a relationship: having a life together; making future plans; daily chats; evenings & weekends, etc? Do you miss  him - or miss being in a relationship?

5. Are you depressed? You may need treatment!

6. Remind yourSelf that this too shall pass.

7. Do not begin dating immediately. Don't escape your pain; use it to grow.

8. Stick to your guns, get your ducks in a row, and know that in 6 months, you'll be glad you did. Keep busy! Use this time for self-improvement. Become more and more of the woman you want to be; become your very best.

9. Read up on becoming more of your own person so that you don't simply plop into the lap of the next male animal that is interested. The next guy's got to deserve you!

10. Remember: each day you get through, the stronger you become.

most importantly: KEEP PRAYING!

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on July 25, 2008, 12:59:23 pm
^wow! congrats, sis. i know that it takes a lot of courage and strength to leave your husband. we tend to be masochists sometimes because we love a person. there's no denying that you still love him... let's just pray that things will turn out well.

God bless.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on July 25, 2008, 03:54:41 pm
^Thanks sis! I really am trying so hard to do the right and smart thing. And as sis aquacharly also mentioned here... we should all just pray and ask for God's will to happen.

In the end, I know God has a good plan for me and others like me. I just pray everyday that I may be enlightened so that I may choose my path wisely. I know that true happiness can only happen if you choose the right path... the right path being, whatever it is that God has in store for me.

Its really tough, but the good news is it does get a bit easier as the days roll by. Not to say that Im not sad, and sometimes I still have very depressing days. I still am not fully recovered as I still cannot function in the full capacity that I had before this all happened. But it does get a bit easier each day.

I see also that I tend to think more clearly and assess the situation for what it is by minimizing my contact with my husband. I think the key really is to maintain your distance as much as possible after leaving your abuser. Thats the only way you can break the cycle. Its also the only way to detach and see thing from a better perspective.

Afterwhich, maybe... maybe a miracle may still happen. Or maybe... it just wont be the miracle I was hoping for, which is that my husband will change. Maybe the miracle in my life is this: That I got out of an abusive relationship and saved myself.

Also, I may have lost a husband... but in the process I regained myself back. I may have lost that love, but I found a greater love... which is to love myself.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on July 25, 2008, 06:20:46 pm
^
The thing I like about reading through opinions and browsing through the board is that you get to learn new terms everyday. Today Scorpiowolf, you've introduced to me a brand new term .... "Male Animal". Yup. Sounds like a good Handle/Nick to use too. :)

Kidding aside, it's good to know what you've made that big, brave, step towards the right direction. It's bound to hurt. Of course. But it's bound to get better too. That's what's important.

And don't forget .... "If God puts you to it, He'll get you through it".

Good luck. Do good. ... Keep away from "Male Animals". ;)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on July 27, 2008, 05:40:39 am
^ Hahahaha thanks Paulo!!! I know, huh? Male Animals... we all love em and hate em!!

But seriously now, this thread has been almost like a journal for me. I back read and see my post last year when I started this thread, and I do see the progress I have made, albeit slow as it is. That makes me feel even more hopeful of the future and that things really do get better slowly but surely.

One thing that is helping me through this also, is that a friend of mine just relvealed that she has been abused for the last 10 years. No one had an idea. I was shocked to hear that her husband has even pointed his gun to her head. And it made me cry and touched me so deeply when she said that, its my speaking up and confiding my abuse problems with her, that gave her the strength to talk abt her abuse with family members and trusted people. Its made her feel that "hey, it isnt so bad to talk about your abuse to people you trust to ask fro advice and help." That really touched me. Its as if I felt like, wow, sharing my pain really helped someone. It makes me feel and know my pain hasnt all been in vain.

Anyway, I guess this is why this board has helped me so much to get through this. Bec there are people out there who will understand your pain and uplift you. Thanks to everyone, esp you Paulo. lotsa inspiring posts from you here. I hope this board continues to really support others.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on July 28, 2008, 09:31:56 am
Sis scorpiowolf, I really admire what you've done and I hope one day I can be as strong as you.  I thank you for the advice and support too.

Been totally spaced out lately, so stressed and depressed.  I haven't been speaking to my partner and I must admit I have this urge to call so I can just hear his voice but something inside tells me not to do it anymore....don't worry I haven't but it's really eating me up inside.  Family's not helping either.  They actually complicate the gravity of my situation.  Because of my situation (being annulled and everything), they think it is right for them to condemn me and treat me like I don't have any right to live in this world.  Sometimes it's good but most of the time it's bad.  My mom wanted to give my baby to the DSWD for heaven's sake.  Relatives won't help either.  They just tell me I should just take what my mom hurls at me even if it hurts because she is old na naman daw and it's just a phase.

I can't leave the country without my children.  I can't go out of town or anywhere for that matter....I'm flat broke.  The salary I get from my job, which is not much, goes to paying my debts.  Would like to go back to Rose but my schedule won't permit me to do so.  I have to save up so I can break free na.  I did try living away from my parents for more than a year but even if malayo na kami ng mga anak ko, i was still controlled.  The people closest to me have already judged me and don't want to talk to me.  I have no one...that's why dito na lang ako nagbubuhos ng sama ng loob ko.  Somehow, I get a great deal of relief when I read your posts.    I am trying to be strong for my kids na lang....that's what I live for nowadays but all the burdens I have far overweigh the good things.  I hope that I can keep up. 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on July 30, 2008, 10:48:32 am
Sis trinity thanks so much!! To be honest I still feel so weak and helpless most of the time. But im trying my best to be strong. And each day that passes since Ive separated and minimized all contact with my husband... the farther I step away from that relationship, the more I see clearly that the abuse really had NOTHING to do with me. Although my husband blamed me for anything and everything, it was all just part of the mental manipulation for him to control me into becoming a victim.

Sis, aside from Rose, ive seen 2 other therapist in my search for answers. They all say the same, that it is almost impossible to rehabilitate an abuser. Especially for my husband who shows no remorse and admission and responsibility for his abusive behavior.

Also sis, look up and read. It helps me so much in my healing process to research and get to understand what went on in my marriage. I have discovered with the help of therapist that my husband has a narcissistic personality disorder. Sis look it up. Might just be the same with you.

You can do it sis! We all can. Its going to be a very very bumpy road and you will fall down and relapse every now and then. But sis, I promise you, just get passed the first 6 weeks with minimal contact and youll be surprised at how much stronger youll feel.

Sis if u need to talk, just pm me your number and Ill call you! you said you need to vent and get things off your chest. Just let me know sis!!! God Bless
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ggb on July 31, 2008, 09:36:20 am
You may need to learn a few self-defense.

I suggest learning Krav Maga. Its a martial arts design for combat. Its not competitive, like karate or kick-boxing, nor it is traditional.

This is actual new in the Philippines but it the official martial arts of Israel Defense Force.

If you watched The Bourne Ultimatum, the scene in the train station, is Krav Maga.

You can check the website of Krav Maga Philippines from this Link:
http://www.kravmaga.ph/

You can learn more about this martial arts from WikiPedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krav_Maga

This is a straight forward self-defense no Kata or Form.

Here is a sample from YouTube:

Krav Maga (Female Defense):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxExB6_O9co

Krav Maga (Figth Quest ):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xUjrZ3zXKU&feature=related

They will also have demonstration in The Fort (Global City).
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on August 09, 2008, 12:45:33 pm
Sis TRINITY8 -- if you should choose to back to  Rose -- just go,  ako bahala sa yo.  But she is basically a psychologist/counsellor who is focused on women empowerment.  She will never prescribe meds, nor go the medical route. 

Once Rose  referred me to a psychiatrist -- a psychiatrist is a counselor who is a doctor and can prescribe medications (coz I reached the point once where my anger was such that I said I was scared I might do something drastic -- as in kill someone?   or order the killing, which was easier and within my means.  No kidding.  Umabot ako sa ganyang situation, after I snapped out of the abuse.  No, it wasn't my husband I had intentions on.  LOL_.)   

But Sis TRINITY8  I did not go back to the psychiatrist coz the meds were making me a zombie,  ganoon effect sa kin.  Eh I was travelling in the US for awhile,  kasi to distance myself from the target of my murderous thoughts.  Eh baka ako naman masagasaan, so I stopped the meds.  Hiyang hiyang din yan.  Some say the meds help them sleep and rest their minds.  So see whatever is more to your needs.

As for the debts,  talk to your creditors to have some restructuring done.  Parang hindi ka masyado gipit. 

Just take it a day at a time. 
It helps to focus on your priorities for the day -- parang you can make your mind snap out of your misery &/or fear. 

If you find yourself acting as if you are in limbo -- as in you can't get off your butt to attend to the things you should -- you may be in depression, and need temporary medical help.  Please just go and get help;  call Sis  SCORPIOWOLF for referrals. 

And remember, whatever you may have been or may have been forced to be like due to your family's definition of you --- it is never too late to re-invent yourself.  Stop letting them define you.  Just keep your peace, and do what you think is best for you. 

God bless.

(I am so happy Sis SCORPIOWOLF is on her way to where she eventually wants to be.   It is always so hard to take the 1st step. )



Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on August 11, 2008, 10:12:53 pm
sis scorpiowolf, couldn't pm you...i think it's because i'm a newbie?  i still do need to talk to someone.  i did take your advice about doing the list and my goodness!!! ang haba ng mga bad sa good.  can't deny the fact that things were really that bad...and to think di pa ako tapos sa list na yun.  i felt so bad...i just cried while adding to the bad things that happened to me.

sis aquacharly.kakahiya naman sayo but i really do appreciate it!  maybe one of these days, i might set up something with Rose.

the problem with my debts is that even if i did make arrangements, i am still not capable of paying any kind of amount, however small, to fix it.  it was not supposed to be my debt in the first place.  my partner dug this hole for me.  i've already received so many demand letters and countless times, i've tried to fix it and tried to tell my partner to help me but nothing happened.  since i am financially capable, wala ding nangyayari.  every time i decide to make payments, naapektuhan naman mga anak ko...wala na kaming kakainin.  i'm literally what you call mas mahirap pa sa daga.  i'm also not in a habit of borrowing money from others, baka lalo lang ako mabaon.

things have gotten really worse and i'm sinking really deep into my depression...i admit i've been taking medication to calm me down and put me to sleep, a desperate act on my part to just have a small amount of time to withdraw from everything.  pero after that, back to reality na naman ako.

i was raised to follow my family whether i like it or not.  i've tried countless times to re-invent myself but because they are old school, things aren't so easy to accomplish.  they still think that i don't work even if i leave the house everyday and pore over the computer the whole night.  it stresses me out that they tell me i'm good for nothing and that i'm a bad influence to my children....a lot more have been said. 

although on the bright side, my partner and i haven't been talking for almost a month now.  i tried to call him once but he didn't answer my call.  siya pa may ganang magalit sakin.  it hurts and i'm so sad that things have to be this way.

i have no more strength to show my kids, it's like i'm so wasted and i don't have the energy to keep up this charade that i'm ok.  but i guess this is my role in life?  i am happy that they are doing well and sometimes show me that i'm so far doing a good job for them but deep inside i feel so guilty that i can't do more....... :'( :'(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on August 12, 2008, 01:22:28 am
^
Taking it one day at a time is also taking it one problem at a time.

First, you have to pick yourself up and fight the abuse.

The 2nd step is break free from the abusive relationship.

3rd, you have to collect yourself. Rebuild your life. Regain the confidence you've lost.

You probably are somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd step.

Until you're done with the 3rd step, you won't be in a position to tackle the rest of the problems life has assigned you. Which unfortunately includes debt payments and financial restructuring.

Such problems require a more objective, methodical, practical, and less distracted approach. You aren't capable of doing that yet. Certainly not now that you are battling depression. Like I mentioned earlier in the thread, that's where close friends, relatives and love ones come in.

As for your Part ... Clear your head muna, take it one day at a time, one problem at a time, and "just like a baby who's starting to walk for the first time, you too shall make it to the sofa" ... and that bit was from something I read from way back. You know what? It works. :) I'm sure in time, you'll get to make it work your own way too.



Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: venetian on August 14, 2008, 10:38:09 am
Hey everyone, Im a newbie here, but I have been reading girltalk for the longest, especially re this topic. Never had the chance to register or post but i think I need a place to vent, or people to listen and I know you guys will be kind enough to listen, or read for that matter.
I feel the same pain being on the receiving end of an abusive relationship.  But the insights of Paulo and aquacharly are uplifting, objective and very sensible. Its good to have a place where we people can empathize and the support one needs esp in times of real crisis.
Like most everyone else in here, Im in a very abusive relationship-emotional,verbal and physical.  i  have been married 7 years, no kids yet, desperately wanting one though. My husband and I had a whirlwind romance, very passionate at the start but very chaotic when we get into fights.  It started as verbal abuse, blaming me for how miserable he feels, accusing me of flirting with other men, or even downright having an affair, i never had any.  Things got worse after we got married, then the physical abuse started.  I had pics and video of my bruises, thinking someday, i'll be able to use it against him.  most of the time he would hit me on the head, just so I dont have to show bruises to the public. One time I went to work with a bruised lip and I jsut made up stories to my coworkers. 
It has been years and years of fighting. And as was mentioned, there were good times in between the episodes of abuse.  Like most would write in here, I probably provoked him to abuse me physically. But reading thru, i think to myself how low my self esteem has gotten.  Modesty aside, I think I have evrything to be proud of, I have a good job, financially doing well here overseas, I can wing it even without his financial support. I have always been an honor student, but thinking about it, I feel I am the stupidest of all to stick in this marriage. I mean, I probably dont have anything to lose, we dont have any kids yet.  i would think to myself, that God hasn't given me a child yet because He's leading me to another path. But OMG, He knows how much I want one. But that;s another topic.

It's very different here, I have prevented myself from calling the police whenever he would hurt me, because he'll go to jail in an instant. I have threatened him though many times i'll call on the police.

No one knows my situation, I kept it from my sisters/brothers,my parents are both dead.  I kept it from my friends, thay all think i lead a charmed life, but it's otherwise.  I would always retreat and curl up in my room and spend time crying. I attempted suicide 2x by taking pills but didnt go to the hospital for fear of questioning, just slept thru it, but I was very afraid it could have taken me for dead.  I tried doing psych therapy here, they gave me meds for depression but I didnt take it. and I just didnt continue.  My doc says Im at high risk for clinical depression given my background of loss of my parents.  Thats probably why I couldn't let go. There's so much fear of saying goodbye, of doing it, even if it's extremely painful to stay.

How do I start letting go, how do I leave? Im still very confused if I'll stay and pray for things to get better, like for some-it turned out to be better, or do I just turn around and leave?

I had read today over the net regarding an experiment, they put a rat in a round bucket of water, with high walls in complete darkness and they measured how long it tried to live. It only lived for 3 minutes. Then they put another rat in a bucket but let a sliver of light through, and the rat lived through 36 hours trying to swim.

I feel like i'm the rat without any light and I think it maybe just easier to give up.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on August 18, 2008, 02:28:43 am
^VENICE,  there is light, always, wherever you are now -- even if it is a hard, cold phase in your life.

Just please look for it. 
Find it in prayers.  Find it in the strength that is in you -- that strength that,  inspite of your "living with the enemy",  enabled you to nurture a career and keep up the facade of a normal marriage.

IF it is LOVE that makes you endure it all -- then, bear in mind that a good woman knows when to work harder at it and when to leave.  It is you and nobody else who decides when to stop hoping; when to leave, even while still loving.  But pray, pray everyday for Divine Guidance and Protection. 

Now, dear, do not think you are stupid for enduring it all.   Believe me, you are not the 1st intelligent, educated woman to be led down a garden path of lies; nor will you be the last.  LOVE, unfortunately,  has the power to suspend common sense and self-love.

Moreover,  do not punish yourself for your sad marriage.   No spouse is 100% faultless; but you should not claim 100% of the blame.  That is what you do when you attempt to end your life;  taking blame for what is due your husband.  Be fair to yourself.  Actually,  give credit where credit is due -- meaning,  if only you could tell him:  "you go ahead, finish yourself off;  I may  follow you after you're gone".

Now, VENICE, IF  it is FEAR that is keeping you glued to your "marriage" -- then you can start on an Exit Game Plan sooner.    You are financially independent -- that is half of  the game plan already.  "FLIGHT OR FIGHT'  is the instinctive response to FEAR.   Dear,  it is not "flight, fight or FREEZE"  ("freezing" should just be a momentary option).    Actually, you have thought it out already and appear to prefer "FIGHT" (hence the documentation of injuries); but you have suspended implementation.    Now, please do not wait too long. 

Next time he hits you -- go the whole hog,  regardless of his spending a mini vacation behind bars.  This is not the time to let PITY dictate on you.  VENICE,  take note that if no competent intervention occurs, generally  --  a physical abuser will not stop the violence until  the abused is killed or the abused kills the abuser in self defense.   That is what records of the courts and police convey.   So do not let PITY or  a prolonged "freeze" bring you to the point of no-choice.   

VENICE, is it possible that what is keeping you back is FEAR OF LOSS OF FACE?  Now, do not your family/the general public define you; coz they will never fully know what you endure.   Dear, a failed marriage of an abused is not a mark of personal failure, nor indicative of a less-strong character.   It is just a mixture of bad luck and events, leave it at that.   

Now, VENICE -- let your Survival Instinct reign freely.  Yes, use it to keep you away from more plans to do yourself in.  Use it to make you realize that medical intervention can bring you only so far.  The buck stops with you -- it is you who must decide to stop your downward spiral into greater depression. 

IF you do not gather yourself now -- you may lose your career and the financial independence it brings you.  IF you should handicap yourself to debilitating depression,  dear -- it is just like you did see the light at the end of the tunnel but you decided to turn your back on it, or shut your eyes. 

So get hold of yourself.  Decide,  think out an Exit Game Plan, and make that 1st small step away from "Freeze".   

As for wishing for a child -- the timing is not right;  and grossly unfair to a child.  A child is meant to be a product of love;  entitled to a peaceful, loving home (preferably with 2 not just 1 loving parents).   So ask God for a child when you have re-settled into a happier life.

A child will not make your husband's nasty and violent nature disappear.  (Of course, we should not discount a miracle happens).  Generally,  my impression has been that children of abusers become probable abuse victims too.  VENICE, your heart will break loudly when your husband extends his abuse to your child.  Spare yourself another big heartache.   Ask God for the blessing of a child when you are in a happier place.   

So, please focus:  The Best Revenge lies in living a better/happier life.  Wouldn't you feel liberated when you can tell your abuser:  "I can do better, I can live happy."   

We, your friends here,  will pray you will soon make that 1st small concrete pro-active step that will get you nearer your hoped for change in your husband,  or exit + revenge.  It is always your choice.

God bless, VENICE.






Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on August 19, 2008, 02:47:46 pm
^sis venice, you're in a way more blessed compared to abused wives out here who have children... at least, walang batang natra-trauma...

when you're in a relationship, expect to get hurt. given 'yon... but you also must learn how to draw the line. i don't think God created us to be miserable.  while He does tell us to submit to our husbands... He also commanded husbands to love their wives.

letting go may be very difficult... but if you're going to lose a part of yourself on that marriage, you have to get out at all cost.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on August 19, 2008, 10:49:26 pm
^^^
The rat didn't die because the took the light away, Venice. It didn't die because it lost hope. Light signifies hope it that experiment, right? It probably served as Hope too for the rat. But when they took the light away, it actually got disoriented. The rat isn't physically equipped to keep swimming, so being in that position without any direction, no light, nothing to see, instinct took over and it probably panicked to the point of drowning. That doesn't happen to a real live person because his reason equips him to logically assess the odds and compliment it with a counter reaction.

Let's take on another experiment. Something that involves an animal with more brain power and more human-like instinct. Monkeys.

In this experiment they placed 5 monkeys in a cage, that had a banana attached on top of a pole. When a monkey tries to get the banana it triggers a cold shower that sprays all the monkeys. After a few runs at the banana the monkeys stops the attempt. What they do now is replace 2 of the monkeys with brand new ones. The two new ones of course, immediately goes to grab the banana. The other 3 (original monkeys) stop the attempt to the point of beating up the 2 new monkeys.

They turn off the cold shower, replace the 3 original monkeys one by one, with 3 new ones, and what happens? Everytime a new monkey joins them and makes a run at the banana, the other monkeys gang up on him and beat him. Why? Not because of the cold shower anymore because these new monkeys haven't experienced that yet. They just beat the monkey that goes for the banana simply because .... that's just the way it is done around here. And that, my friend, is how Company Policy works. ;) Ha-ha-ha-ha.

But seriously now, my point is, if you look carefully at the traits that makes an abuse victim you'd notice that a lot of them are accomplished, promising, intelligent, and competitive women. Easily, the best at what they do. Which in turn makes them PROUD women, ... or at least that's how the world sees them. And such Pride is what got them to stick to the abuse.

They think of the ideal, and unconsciously associate themselves with that. Unconsciously, as go-getters, they associate themselves with "perfection" too. Or at least are so passionate about it, that just like the new set of Monkeys, refuses to give-up the relationship because apparently, that's how to live one's life perfectly, .... or at least that's what everyone doesThat's what everyone expect you to do. Successful people have successful relationships. That's how everyone sees it.

There's a chance that your fear doesn't center on saying goodbye or being alone. It could be that your number one fear is Fear of Failure. That even to the point of being abused, you refuse to give up and would rather slug it out hoping that a spotless record is still attainable.

So how do you start letting go?

First, You have let go of your marriage. Not that it's not workable anymore ha. But because you can't fix it while you are nothing more than the relationship's victim.

Secondly, let go of your Pride. You can prove that once you have enough courage to share your ordeal with people closest to you. Believe it or not, the way out of this slump is total acceptance, humility, acceptance of failure, coupled with the will to give what you deserve justice, then eventually the desire to move past the abuse. ... Or that's what I heard. If it were me, I'd simply say "Call the cops on him". ;)

If you're going to give-up on something, Venice. I suggest you give up on him. You give up on your Relationship. But never, ever, give up on yourself.

Here's hoping that helps.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on August 24, 2008, 07:36:23 am
322Hi everyone!! Just thought Id update everyone here on this thread who have been soooooo supportive and understanding such as aquacharly, Paulo and the rest of you.

Well, THANK GOD Im doing a LOT better these days. Been going to my therapy sessions although honestly Im gettig lazy to show up and would rather save the money hehe What Ive been working on with the therapist is not anymore the abuse so to speak. What we're working on is self empowerment, namely helping me get back on my feet re personal, financial, and career goals and options.

2nd, I'm off my meds! YAY!!!! I weaned off the anti-depressants. At first I was scared about doing that bec I had an inkling the reason why Ive been feeling so much stronger and emotionally numb towards my soon to be ex-husband, is bec I was under the meds. However, LO and BEHOLD it wasn't the meds. Ive been feeling quite normal even after quitting the meds for more than a week now.

3rd, Im actually having FUN going out with my friends. Although I dont do it quite as often as I did back when I was in revenge/anger mode. But for the first time in a long time, Im feeling young again, free, and attractive hehe I would never have thought that I would still be actually "marketable' hehe but no worries... I have absoluely no intention of remotely even entertaining the thought of opening myself up to other men. Im not even into makng new male friends. Im just liking the ego trip once in a while after years of being told by my husband when on a rage, how ugly and hateful I am.

4th, UPDATE on EX-H. OMG he has been stalking me when I do go out. I know of at least 4x that he would really watch me from afar or wait in the car outside the bar to check on who would drive me home. He admitted this to me. Also, what do you know? EX-H started flipping out after I called his bluff on wanting an anulment. He freaked out when he found out I had already contacted my lawyer and was prepared waaayyyyyy before im. Now IM THE ONE whos pushing or the anulment. Hes the one who made pakiusap to postpone bec hes still hopinh daw we could fix things yada yada yada. (For all I know hes just making drama and buying time so we dont have to separate assets yet bec he has investment plans for them. I know abt this but K lang with me. Im not out to ruin his chances financially anyway) Now, he called earlier his week asking me to give US another try. To give it a chance. We eve met up and he was a very sorry and tearful ex=H kept asking what went wrong, etc etc etc. also my GOSH youll be surprised how hes been at his BEST behaviour. When he callsme hes his charming, loving, sweet, and witty self again just like when we were still single. Thing is, IM not moved by it right now. I dont care how nice he is and how sad and lonely he is. I dont care bec. UNLES he even realizes that HE HAS A PROBLEM (which he still wont acknowledge) and seeks long term help... nothing as in NOTHING will change in him even if hes the saddest, most lovingly remorseful person. But heck, Im not going to hold my breath and wait for him to relaize that. It might never even happen. But in the meantime I refuse to get sucked back into the cycle by taking his emotional spiels to heart too seriously.

I just feel bad that even HE doesnt realize the gravity of his verbal abuse. He even tearfully asked me why I thought of him as a physically abusive guy when he never naman daw slapped me etc etc. As if the shoving, pushing to the floor, pinning down wasnt physically abusive. (Although this only happened about 2-3x a year but still). The only time whe we talked in person I became tearful again was when I said "Don't worry. Im still hurting but for what its worth I want to tell you that in my heart I forgive you." And I really meant that

Lastly Im utterly surprised that despite of how crazy I was over this guy before. Now that hes here fervently asking for a chance. I totally do not feel the desire to fix things any more. Mch to my exs surprise of course. I was ssooooo afaid Id run back to him any chance I get, or an little show of emotion from him. But now,it actually SCARES me that I DONT feel anything except pity. I PRAY AND HOPE THIS IS NOT JUST A PHASE and that its for real.

Thing is. I guess it had to take almost 3 months of minimal contact to realy break my "addiction" to him. It was the hardest thing to do. I still remember how painful it was... days and days I couldnt even eat or get ut of bed (NOW MY GOSH Im gaining the weight back so quickly!!! Im back to my pre-separation weight and eating normally)Now, I still think about him everyday. But its not like I even miss him at all.

So, to eeryone out there. Please don lose hope. Life can still be so beautiful for all of us. Its goin to be tough and I still have soooo many challenges and struggles I need to endure. But it gets better everyday. I still would not trade having a happy intact family for this new freedom that I have. BUT I also would never want to go back to a relationship that killed my spirit day in and day out. I wouldnt say Im happier now, as I was happiest during the good tims with my ex-H and our son. But now I am sooooo much more at peace with myselfand everyone else. At least now, I call the shots for myself. I dont feel stifled in such a way that I live my life "walking on eggshells"

Thanks to everyone. for all your prayers and support.

Sis trinity i PMed you. Just call me

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on August 24, 2008, 06:13:28 pm
Congratulations on your new found freedom, Scorpiowolf.

The good thing about recovering through a well laid, professional assisted program, is you don't get to replace weakness with hatred. The fact that you've forgiven your husband for what he has done, but are strong enough to stand independently, shows you that you're on the right track.

I agree. You should avoid romantic relationships for the mean time. Definitely while you're still in the recovery stage. The last thing you need is to be dragged back. Not that the next "male-animal" ;) you meet will be as domineering. It's just that it's safest, wisest, and well, more considerate to yourself, your family (even your husband is still family, right?) and to others as well, to fly by your recovery all by yourself.

Sabi nga ni Aquacharly, "Wife Should be Beautiful" .... Or maybe that was "LIFE" and not "Wife"? Whatever. Good luck! :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on August 25, 2008, 04:25:53 am
^ I agree Paulo. The therapy has really helped. Actually looking back, the turning point was when I realized I really has a problem and that not all his promises nor hope in the world will change my husband. This was when I saw Rose Yenko. Thanks to aquacharly.

Whew... have a long way to go still in my recovery. But at the same time Im proud of the progress Ive made.

Hahahaha you really like that "male animal" term huh? I cut and paste that lang from a website hehe

Im actually very lucky also in the sense that my family has been soooooo supportive. Also, that my husband is a very good dad. He really sees my son often and supports my son. In a way that takes a load off me in the sense that my separating with my husband did NOT deprive my son of quality time with his dad. Bec my son still needs a father and Im happy my husband is doing his part.

Thanks again Paulo
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on August 31, 2008, 10:48:23 pm
PAOLO --- ooops,  yes you are right, it's   LIFE SHOULD BE BEAUTIFUL

SCORPIOWOLF -- congratulations!  Your bounce-back serves as an inspiration to all here.   Let us pray that the others likewise take that 1st Step that Paolo rightly pointed out is the prerequisite to it all.   My dear, I am so happy and proud of you!   :)

But keep on praying that you will continue to have the strength to overcome your doubts and any spots of depression/regret.  Keep it up.

God bless, all here. 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on September 02, 2008, 05:47:49 am
Argggghhhhh!!!

So my ex hubby has been in his utmost best behavior. I can see through it though. Hes sad, lonely, and maybe going through a stage.

But i am slowly getting sucked back into it! He is his old self in treating me like a queen. Its as if hes courting me again, begging me to go on a date with him, being a softy and emotional thing by saying: "youre all i have. Youre my best friend. I need you." He been wanting to fix things thats why I am sure hes putting his best foot forward. Hes using all the lines and tactics he knows have gotten through me in the past. HEs using his "best friend" approach and is slowly trying to chip my wall down.

Thing is. HEs EVEN GOING TO MY THERAPIST on wed!! As in he said he wants to go through therapy to sort his issues and if he really has NPD (Narcissistic Personaluty Disorder).

I dunno! I dont want to be stupid about it. I know he wont change, He maybe even baiting me right now by PRETENDING he wants to go to therapy so that he can fix things with me. 

I dunno, at this point I dont want to think about it, But I am getting sucked back into it. I used to not even think about him so much in a day anymore, and now Im starting to think abt him and miss him again. Arrggghhh IM SO DOOMED. I have to stay away. Although I am trying my very best to exercise my self control. I even Had a good long talk with him telling him that we cant be "friends" the way he wants to be. And that he cant keep texting me random, chatty things.

Arghhh I dunno! I guess time will just tell if hes really serious about getting help and wanting to change... not for me.... but for himself. In the mean time. I dont know what to do!!! He keeps saying lang something to the effect that if I really love him, and if he really has an NPD problem, then why am I walking away daw? If I reakky loved him, then shouldnt I stick around daw to help him through the recovery in wanting to be a better man?

I know the smart thing is to avoud him like the plague. But darn, I have soooooo much fun with him. That one "date" I agreed to go to was like the best days. Exactly how things were when we were madly in love.

But I know, i know, its not real. HE HAS A PROB. and things wont change. I guess I just have to keep reminding myself.

PLease help me! do i keep the door open for him and try to be friends with him and see if hes going to therapy for real? OR should I stay away bec in the end, if he really wants to sort himself out he will get therapy for himself even if Im not in contact with him. That way Ill see whether hes doing the therapy for show or if hes serious in realizing he needs help.

OR maybe well just be like this for the rest of out lives. Be friends, see each other occasionally, be there for each other. After all, we were always better friends, and lovers, then we were husband and wife. Maybe we are better off this way, when we have the best of each other, but just better off not living under one roof.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: late_bloomer on September 02, 2008, 03:50:22 pm
^I think you should just prioritize yourself first. 

Take things slowly, then baka possible pa nga na magchange sya.  Wala naman siguro masama if you maintain your friendship d b?  For the sake of your son.  Pero to move in back again?  Hindi na siguro muna. Give yourself some time to heal, and not go back sa situation mo before.  Maybe in a few years time, baka gusto mo i-consider ulit, but the problem is how you can tell, say in 5 years time, kung nagbago na nga sya o hindi?  :( 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: venetian on September 07, 2008, 12:01:19 pm
Hi everyone, maraming salamat aquacharly, paulo and betrayed sa mga encouraging words, you're all right i shouldn't give up on myself. Thanks for the support.

Sis scorpiowoulf, I guess this is one of the really really decision you'll face, to let him back in your life as a partner or to stay as friends. At least you have made big progress, acknowledging there's something wrong in being the receiving end of the abuse, grieving about it then moving forward and seeking help.  Di ba in psych, there's 5 stages of coping with loss-denial, anger, bargaining, depression then acceptance.  I think Im still in the denial ,anger and depression phase.  I dare not say my problems to anyone for fear of failure. I am in big denial, it's eating me alive.  I am angry to my partner and to myself, why cant we just be at peace and be without issues.  But relationships dont work that way, I guess.

Sis, I am happy for you that you had somehow found yourself again, although not completely yet. It's a journey, a very long one for that matter, I think.  I envy you, your strength, your courage.  I wish I have the same audacity to do what you have done. I know youre being hopeful, like most of us would want to be. Whatever decision you make though, know in your heart that you're a strong person and can face all that the world throws at you. Good luck.

aquacharly, do you think rose yenko can do telephone sessions? I am willing to wire her the payments. I just dont know where to start.  Definitely not thru counselling here -did that and it failed. Please email me and let me know her number, if you dont mind.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: jaanaei on September 08, 2008, 01:26:36 am
its been almost 2 years since i left my ex bf who has emotionally,verbally and physically abused me but coz of the extreme pain, i just cant move on. when i left him,after a year, nakipagkita sha uli,just to inform me of the sexual relations he had w his 15 year old daughter..and na natupad na pangarap nya..he also had a 15 yr old gf from CSA(san agustin)..i havent fully healed yet,but still knausap ko sha.i still loved the guy. i deleted all contact info abt him,then months later..i received a text message fr him,and he told me his tita died.i wasnt particularly close to that family member,but out of respect,i sent abuloy(cash)and he wanted to get it fr me personally.i agreed. he told me to go to Gapo for the wake.I was on the way na,when he again bragged about his 15 y/o gf..na the kid was there..na i should not tell anyone na yun ang gf nya..na the kid was "nagpaganda"pa coz she knew i was arriving..i freaked out.i left the bus right there and then,even if i was laden w pasalubongs for the family. i dunno why he had to tell me those things pa,and when he knew i wasnt going,he said natatakot lang daw ako makita yun"baby" gf nya..and alot more of his usual hurtful words.i may still love him,but i love myself too. he'd just be using me as a front,so he could continue his despicable ways. i want to move on..but the words..keep coming back.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on September 08, 2008, 12:11:17 pm
^again sis? he had a sexual encounter with his 15 year old daughter? did i get it right? i think you have to let go of him na... imagine him raping your own daughter later on! scary!!!!

letting go is difficult... pero kung ganyang klaseng tao naman... i think he'll make the job for you easier... get back to your senses, sis!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on September 08, 2008, 12:26:02 pm
he'd just be using me as a front,so he could continue his despicable ways. i want to move on..but the words..keep coming back.

Is this guy more of a Pervert than say ..... someone who is just barbaric? .... I never thought I'd see the day when Barbaric would seem more tolerable. ;)

There's a pretty good chance he's just being his perverted self and "gets off" making you squirm.

Just ignore the sicko. The less airtime you give him the better for you. :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on September 08, 2008, 12:28:02 pm
^^^
On second thought .... Do your civic duty and report the sick pervert to the authorities. At the very least, he needs to be admitted to a mental institution. :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: late_bloomer on September 08, 2008, 01:20:06 pm
^ yan nga ang ma-s-suggest ko.  isumbong sa pulis.  He is sick.  Mga taong ganyan hindi pinapansin at kelangan isumbong s proper authorities - if not the police, it should be the mental hospital.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on September 08, 2008, 01:45:20 pm
May mga tao yata talagang prone sa sexual abuse... isa na yata ako dun. Imagine my 14 year old cousin whose 10 years younger than me minamanyak ako while I was asleep! He's still a minor kaso mas malaki talaga siya sa akin at mukha kasi akong bata... hindi ko tuloy alam kung paano ako magrereact... :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on September 09, 2008, 01:05:14 am
The kid's 14. He was most likely curious. Most boys his age are as curious as they are horny. Unfortunately, he is as brave and daring as he is horny too. Now brave, daring, and Horny is not a good combination. :) I think since he crossed the line with you, you're in the best position to call his attention and perhaps give him the necessary guidance.

He needs to be told off. He needs to understand that there are limits to what he can exercise when in such a state. Just like all the other boys his age, he needs to be taught how to handle his urges appropriately. Imagine if he has the guts to have his way with a tita who is 10 years his senior. How would he handle girls his age or maybe even younger? If you want to prevent that, then now is the perfect time to make a difference.

Quote
May mga tao yata talagang prone sa sexual abuse... isa na yata ako dun.

Although that statement of yours does have a sensible basis to it, I think it's unfair to accept that some people are abused or prone to abuse because they look like the "type". I mean, what's the type? Innocent? Timid looking? Easy to manhandle? The thing is, I think the abusers are the ones that need to be tagged with a "type" and not their victims.

.... Then again, if you can change the way you look, or Send Signals, then all the better.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on September 09, 2008, 07:04:37 am
The kid's 14. He was most likely curious. Most boys his age are as curious as they are horny. Unfortunately, he is as brave and daring as he is horny too. Now brave, daring, and Horny is not a good combination. :) I think since he crossed the line with you, you're in the best position to call his attention and perhaps give him the necessary guidance.

He needs to be told off. He needs to understand that there are limits to what he can exercise when in such a state. Just like all the other boys his age, he needs to be taught how to handle his urges appropriately. Imagine if he has the guts to have his way with a tita who is 10 years his senior. How would he handle girls his age or maybe even younger? If you want to prevent that, then now is the perfect time to make a difference.

Although that statement of yours does have a sensible basis to it, I think it's unfair to accept that some people are abused or prone to abuse because they look like the "type". I mean, what's the type? Innocent? Timid looking? Easy to manhandle? The thing is, I think the abusers are the ones that need to be tagged with a "type" and not their victims.

.... Then again, if you can change the way you look, or Send Signals, then all the better.


Paulo, I am super boyish and most of the time mistaken as a tomboy because of the way I dress and how I act. I'm not the feminine type. I can't stop myself from thinking this way because this cousin of mine is not the only guy in the family who attempted sexual advancements. My father, 2 uncles and an older cousin did, too when I was still in elementary and high school. Imagine that?! Good thing I was not raped or no major physical damage was done to me. But these memories haunt me in my dreams and waking hours. Funny thing was it haunted me when I was in college already when I was already aware of what sexual abuse or harassment mean. The damage was inside. Hay...

And as for my 14 year old cousin, I don't know how to deal with it. He was my closest cousin before this happened. He was even my favorite cousin! Irritating. I used to be a daddy's girl before all these happened :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on September 10, 2008, 07:03:08 pm
I think you should tell your cousin that what he's doing is not appropriate.  Maybe, as Paolo said, being 14, he might be curious.  There are a lot of reasons that we can think of why he did that but then again, it's still not right.  As the older one, I think you should guide him and tell him about these things.  Baka tumanda siya thinking that it's ok do such things.

Anyway, sis scorpiowolf, i've been meaning to text you but haven't gotten around to doing so as i've been so swamped at work.  been trying to keep busy and so far it's been working.  sometimes though i have the occasional sad moments but i'm surviving....surprisingly.  but do expect a text message from me one of these days....hehe.  about your situation, it's easy to be drawn back to the same situation with the same person all because sometime in your life, things were really great.  but i think we deserve a break from all of these things...to kind of take stock of what we have, what we missed, and what the possibilities are....right?

i tried getting in touch with my partner and we saw each other last weekend.  i thought everything was going to be fine and i would see a change but that was it, just wishful thinking.  he's still the same and he thinks that it's a big thing that i was able to see him.  our daughter though, missed him as she was so clingy to him while we were out....hay nako.  and yes i do admit, i was the one who asked to see him because i wanted him to see our daughter. 

i just want to thank aquacharly, scorpiowolf, and paolo for the words of wisdom and support.  i've been coming out of that dark hole that i've put myself into and somehow i've regained some lost ground.  it's a long way out of the hole but there's that glimmer of light at the end that seems to be getting nearer.  i hope i can be strong enough to reach it and eventually move on. :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on September 11, 2008, 03:13:55 pm
trinity8, oo nga eh. alam ko dapat pagsabihan siya. pero paano? sa text? harap-harapan? hindi ko alam...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on September 14, 2008, 04:11:13 pm
i think it would be better na harapan na lang kayo mag-usap para at least he knows that you mean what you're saying.  does anyone in your family know about this?  you may want to ask them to help you out as to how you can go about talking to him.  at his age kasi it's kinda hard to think of the right approach. 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on September 16, 2008, 08:16:02 am
^ Sa kapatid kong lalaki siguro? Ewan ko... I'm so broken because of this. Hindi ko matanggap... :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on September 16, 2008, 10:27:59 pm
It would be better for an older, adult male to be the one to talk to your nephew, but you can raise the "lecture" just the same because he did make a pass at you. And I'm sorry to have to cite this Diwata, but with what you shared, it seems that your male relatives are Breeding Molesters instead of Teaching Kids what is right and curbing what is wrong. I could be wrong though, but if I were you, since you yourself have experienced the raw end of such evil practice, wouldn't this be a chance for you to make a difference?

Do you know why the weaker, more evil sexual offenders prey on their own relatives? Because 1) they're a few notches more cowardly than the normal coward happens to be. :) 2) Because they can bank on the victims' reaction to deny that they've been violated by the very people they love and supposedly loves them back.

Yung sinasabi mong mahirap tanggapin is exactly why the violation goes on.

Perhaps there's nothing more you can do for your older uncles and cousins (but send them to jail? Or an institution to correct their evil habits?) but that 14 year old boy still has the chance to grow up the way a young man ought to. His would-be GFs, Wife, and even would-be Daughters will surely benefit from it.

Teenage boys will talk about sex. They'll experiment. They're all sexually curious. They'll think of sex as nothing more than an act. .... At some point in their lives they will keep on thinking of it as nothing more than an act. But what we're trying to prevent is for them to use such line of thinking into an aggressive act of dominance, treachery and the violation of another individual's rights. Sex may be sex. But sex should not be evil. Sexual urges are dictates of our animal side but that doesn't mean we should act like animals. This early is his life he should understand that it is wrong and there's that thing called "the other person's right". If this kid reaches adulthood with such false sense of what he has the right to do when he gets a boner, he could be a full pledged sexual offender.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on September 17, 2008, 08:14:28 am
Paulo, I am not offended that you said that because I feel the same way for them. In fact, I think my brother is gay because something was done to him by my uncles. I don't know... instinct lang... Pag-iisipan ko pang mabuti kung papaano ko sasabihin sa cousin kong minor. Nagkakaroon na ako ng hate feelings sa kanya...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: primadona12 on September 28, 2008, 10:40:22 am
HI SIS diwata any update?
its been more or less a fortnight.
i pray you get to tell off your cousin
with whats happened to you you dont need another cross to bear
confronting him will liberate you.
(just a bit but it'll still be liberating)
that somehow you were able to stand up for yourself sis.
youll be doing yourself and the kid a huge favor
for your male relative i pray for them.

and for sis scorpiowolf
your situation is really a catch22
damned if you go back damned if you dont
my advise youve gone so far why go back?
based on my experience when men want you back they will promise you heaven and earth but once your there all promises eventually go out the window.
so take your time. if he loves you he will have therapy and help.
let him go through that first and get him "healed" as much as possible first.


blessings to all the tough and brave women here
kudos to you all :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on September 28, 2008, 11:19:22 am
^ I haven't done anything yet. Eversince it happened, I've moved out of their house. I'm living in a boarding house now. It's been 2 weeks since I last visited my cousins. I still don't know how to tell him... We're not a serious family. If something happens, we just stay silent. We don't talk about it. I just want to kill the kid.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: qt_chick17 on October 02, 2008, 01:33:37 am
same sitch here.. a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship..but then i just can't get out of it...so what should i do?i wanted to reach out too.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: late_bloomer on October 04, 2008, 02:12:02 am
^^ sis diwata... sorry ha, pero anong klase ba yan. it runs in the family?!!? how are the women in your family? submissive? not happy? wala lang, na curious tuloy ako. parang kahit sinong guy within your family e may tendency mangmanyak ng kamag anak?

better avoid them nanga.  your mom? ano sabi nya?


^ qt_chick17 - if confused, you may want to consult someone you trust na in authority to give you a sound advise. hindi friend ha. maybe an aunt or tita, if you cannot share it with your mom?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on October 04, 2008, 07:49:00 am
^ Iyon na nga rin iniisip ko eh. Kaya nga kapag nagkaanak ako ilalayo ko sa kanila as in. Ang saklap noh? :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: emmaneyrich on October 06, 2008, 05:52:50 pm
nakaka-relate ako sa story mo...as of now nararanasan ko ngayon yan...gusto kong umalis na sa relationship na ito, di ko lang alam kung pano...buti ka pa nakaalis ka na, I envy you...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on October 08, 2008, 02:22:52 pm
^ I was able to get out of this kind of relationship. You can too! And better make it your top priority.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ggb on October 09, 2008, 10:54:09 am
Is this Women Support Group an organization?

Maybe we could give you guys some demo about Krav Maga.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on October 15, 2008, 03:25:40 pm
just wanted to say hi to everyone here and give everyone a quick update. Things are giid with me. Im friendsw with my husband now, as in good friends and plan to even travel this dec with our kid... but NO... im not living with him\. NOR do i want to.

Were friends but there are boundaries he cant cross. First of all he cant dictate, what I do, who i see or what i do with my time. Precisely bec he has to learn that he cant control me and I am not his property.

2nd... i will never go back to living in the same hse with him unless he gets proper therapy and commits to many months of treatment.

anyway I just want to say thanks to everyone who helped me through the darkest days. I mean things arent perfect now. Far from it actually... but i feel a lot stronger. Im actually working on being independent and focusing on career objectives.

ANyway, this setup with my husband is temporary. Eventually he will have to choose whether he wants to stay married or we totally separate. I know the setup is a bit too CONVENIENT for him. But for now i dont mind since he is absolutely smittened FOR NOW lang yan I know it. but the min he slips up and throws a temper tantrum or becomes complacent again... IM OUTTA there!!!! and he knows it. so for now he busy taking me out on dinner dates, planning trips etc etc etc

Im just enjoying it... but i know only too well its part of the cycle and will go back to the abusive pattern unless he gets help. Thats why NO way am I agreeing to move back home. And also i am not giving him the satisfaction of controlling my every move and action this time. He knows there are boundaries he cant cross.

Anyway thanks again to everyone!!!! please pm any one who might want to talk. Its the least i can do since there are ppl here who have really helped me.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on October 15, 2008, 03:38:03 pm
Is this Women Support Group an organization?

Maybe we could give you guys some demo about Krav Maga.

im sorry i dont mean to sound too curt or anything. But no, this is an organization. Thats why this topic was started bec there is a lack of support group organizations out there. So women may come here and share in utmost anonymity and confidentiality.

AS for your offer to demo Krav Maga, be it free or otherwise... sorry if i may come accross as being rude... but honestly learning self defense or any martial art will hardly make a difference in empowering an abused woman. In fact it can ever make things more precarious for her.

Fine if its going to be a distraction or a new hobby for the woman of she wishes to take it... but otherwise I HOPE no one here will be encouraged, advised, or misguided that taking some form of self defense will protect you from your abuser. It may even be DANGEROUS to have a false sense of power through this means.

PLs the BEST thing is to seek professional guidance with an experienced therapist that handles similar cases. Its your best and only weapon next to your prayers. Your therapist will help you and guide you in taking concrete steps that will protect your total well-being:physically, emptionally, psychologically.

so ggb... be careful of what you are implying to the women here. anyway i see yourve been posting away in the other topics about your beloved krav maga and encouraging ppl to try it out for all these reasons u can conjure. anyway post your comments elsewhere... bec this thread is NOT the appropriate thread for such posts. Post it somewhere else.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ashley_afiah on October 22, 2008, 11:53:05 am
  lahat din ng klase ng abuse eh nangyari na sakin physical,verbal,emotional..yung physical sanay na ako eh 2 araw lang ang sakit ng katawan niyan pag black-eye 2weeks ang paggaling hehe sounds funny pero totoo yun masakit kase ang emotional at verbal matagalan ang sakit nun lalo na kung parang hayop o daig pa sa hayop ang tintrato sayo diba mahirap yun..mhirap tlaga sana magkaroon na ako ng lakas ng loob to end this marriage.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ggb on October 22, 2008, 02:39:37 pm
im sorry i dont mean to sound too curt or anything. But no, this is an organization. Thats why this topic was started bec there is a lack of support group organizations out there. So women may come here and share in utmost anonymity and confidentiality.

AS for your offer to demo Krav Maga, be it free or otherwise... sorry if i may come accross as being rude... but honestly learning self defense or any martial art will hardly make a difference in empowering an abused woman. In fact it can ever make things more precarious for her.

Fine if its going to be a distraction or a new hobby for the woman of she wishes to take it... but otherwise I HOPE no one here will be encouraged, advised, or misguided that taking some form of self defense will protect you from your abuser. It may even be DANGEROUS to have a false sense of power through this means.

PLs the BEST thing is to seek professional guidance with an experienced therapist that handles similar cases. Its your best and only weapon next to your prayers. Your therapist will help you and guide you in taking concrete steps that will protect your total well-being:physically, emptionally, psychologically.

so ggb... be careful of what you are implying to the women here. anyway i see yourve been posting away in the other topics about your beloved krav maga and encouraging ppl to try it out for all these reasons u can conjure. anyway post your comments elsewhere... bec this thread is NOT the appropriate thread for such posts. Post it somewhere else.



I'm sorry if this offended anyone. Besides this is not a sport or martial arts. Its a combat system that was design, specifically for women, to protect against any abuse, harassment and violence against oneself. It was then used in military because the tactics used even before you harassed in any other way. This was featured in TV shows, like Unang Hirit and Umaga Kay Ganda, that was used effectly even against peeping tom.

I know I have been promoting this a lot in other threads but because of the design of this combat system which was used in the 1950s when Jewish communities were abused by Nazi at that time of war.

If you search further about this system you and see the videos you will understand that this is no sport, no rule because life depends on it.

As an example. The movie of J. Lo "Enough" and abuse wife where she went to train in Krav Maga to be trained both emotionally and physically against here abusive husband.

This is why the military force in Israel use this because of the physiological training to make soldiers use aggression against any situation.

This is why Krav Maga was not labeled as a marital arts but a combat system. Martial artist are aware and would not dare go against a Krav Maga practitioner because it takes no rules, no mercy when life depends on it.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ggb on October 22, 2008, 02:43:35 pm
I'm not saying that you don't seek professional help from experts. Sometimes you need to be prepared psychologically and physically.

Again I'm sorry to promoting Krav Maga in this thread or any other thread.

This is just new in the Philippines and the hope to save people from their aggressors. This is also for women, specifically abused women, so that they can save themselves to any situation they are in either its physical or emotional.

I guess I would have to stop posting about it. I hope you people take a look at this before you judge to see for yourself what it really is.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on October 22, 2008, 03:24:41 pm
^^^
Mas masakit naman talaga yung emotional abuse because it sticks to the victim. Para kasing the Abusers have this natural talent at coming up with words that makes their Victims question themselves. And as the abuse goes on, the victims themselves settle into believing they are indeed what their abusers accuse them of being.

So if a lady is a accused ... or rather, sentenced as no-good-wh*re, she can't help but feel guilty for being such be it that she really knows she isn't one.

Eventually it gets worse and worse and they become too dependent and too helpless to fight the abuse. Ika nga, a cruel way of brain washing that is fueled by trust.

Take a look at your case Ashley Afiah, you're choosing Physical Beatings over Verbal and Emotional Torture. Be it that one is worse than the other, you deserve none of them and you surely shouldn't settle to any one of them.

I do hope you find the strength to fight for what you deserve.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: prettynanay on November 07, 2008, 12:45:42 pm
Hi! Im trying to sort things out with my marriage right now by separating from my husband. Although Im not closing any doors, I really dont know what will happen at this point. All I know is that I will not go back into that marriage if things dont CHANGE, and if he doesnt commit to making the changes.

First of all my husbad verbally abuses me. I dont want to go into the details of that abuse bec verbal abuse is something very difficult to understand unless you are a victim yourself. My best friend has known of the verbal abuse, but she had to witness my husband and me fighting one time for her to understand the kind of abusive hell i was telling her about! She cried for days in pity for me after she heard my husband rage on me, and for the first time she understood how abusive my husband was. She was crying to me and telling me to get out of the marriage for my own sake and my sons sake, bec I was being treated like an animal. (Sad reality is though that many people undermine verbal abuse bec its difficult to understand. One must experience/witness it to know it.)

2nd, physical abuse. I wouldnt say Im your typical battered wife, who has suffered many brusies and loosened teeth (Thank God!). But nevertheless, there have been times Id feel violated. Ive been dragged, pulled (while holding our baby), shoved, pinned down on different instances. I have been punched but only on one incident and he only punched me 2x that incident. I dunno, am I exaggerated about the physical abuse, or am i in denial about being abused? Point is the fights have escalated and Im worried now that hes officially "hit" me, its something that he will keep doing. I always thought doesnt matter how bad you get hurt, but a woman should never be physically hurt under any circumstance.

3rd, Infidelity. He has been infaithful repeatedly over the course of our short marriage. Once was even at a time when I had left him and he was begging me back and promising me the moon and stars. Little did i know, he was unfaithful that exact same time. He would beg me to go out with him, Id say no, then after I say no, hed go straight to the girls house.

I was no perfect wife by any means. U had many many shortcomings. But these are my reasons for wanting time apart, and considering if it should be a permanent separation. Its the most difficult thing in the world. But I need to stop the cycle. I deserve to be treated better, and my son deserves to grow up in a more peaceful environment.

Lastly, I decided to make this thread bec after i posted on another thread about the story of my most recent bout of abuse, someone emailed me asking for help and advice bec she was recently very battered and beat up by her husband. I tried to give her the best advice I could, but unfortunately she never replied and often I wonder how she is. I guess she just wanted to reach out, just like I myself feel the need to reach out when Im at my lowest of lows. Reaching out unloads a lot of my burden, and its very comforting sometimes when you hear of people who carries that same burden, even if the sharing and reaching out is all done in anonimity.


Lakasan mo ang loob mo at mahalin mo ang sarili mo, kasi pag yun na ang nawala sa yo you end up loosing everything.Take care basta isipin mo lang we all care for you...para sa ating mga babae, di dapat tayo manghina.for our love ones and for our children
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on November 10, 2008, 12:52:30 am
hi y'all. it's been a long time.  i just wanted everyone to know especially aquacharly, paulo and scorpiowolf that i've moved on.  i buried myself in my work so much and at the same time, did major soul searching.  i'm doing way better than before.  i got a dose of reality when something happened to my baby...because of fighting between me and her dad.  don't worry, she's ok.  that's where i got to see what life would be with this man...okay na ako na lang saktan niya but not our daughter.  he has been trying to woo us and show us that he's changed because he saw that he hurt his kid because of his temper.  he told me she's all that he's got...i don't know if i will believe him or not but at this point, i don't think i want this kind of person in our lives.  i've learned to live without him and i'm at peace now.  i have alot to sort out with my life but it's a start.  thanks again. 

 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on November 10, 2008, 03:24:46 pm
^
Sometimes life gives us that timely "shock" to get us back to our senses. Perhaps it was a way for you to realize that you deserve better treatment.

Doing the right thing is never easy. But if you happen to be at peace, despite all the other problems, then chances are you're on the right track.

Good luck to you and your kids.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on November 13, 2008, 09:56:33 pm
hi y'all. it's been a long time.  i just wanted everyone to know especially aquacharly, paulo and scorpiowolf that i've moved on.  i buried myself in my work so much and at the same time, did major soul searching.  i'm doing way better than before.  i got a dose of reality when something happened to my baby...because of fighting between me and her dad.  don't worry, she's ok.  that's where i got to see what life would be with this man...okay na ako na lang saktan niya but not our daughter.  he has been trying to woo us and show us that he's changed because he saw that he hurt his kid because of his temper.  he told me she's all that he's got...i don't know if i will believe him or not but at this point, i don't think i want this kind of person in our lives.  i've learned to live without him and i'm at peace now.  i have alot to sort out with my life but it's a start.  thanks again. 

 

Fortuitous, though unfortunate for your kid,  that that 1 disaster gave you courage to take hold of your life.  Be vigilant, and just keep on working at it.  Eventually, you and your kids will feel safe and secure again.   I am so happy for you, TRINITY8, that you are now on your way to a better (for sure) life.  See, anything is possible ---  just give it time and thought.  You are an inspiration to the others here now.  Nothing is impossible, really.

To all the wonderful people here,  sorry for not responding or being "out" these past 2 months.  My husband had a medical crisis early September.  (We thought we were gonna lose him/get him back "broken".)   I couldn't concentrate much so decided to stay away lest I post inappropriate/unrealistic advice.   It is only now that I more or less am confident that he is on the way to recovery. (I thank God, at least 2x/day.). 

SCORPIOWOLF --  Thank you for keeping everyone posted on the progress of your relationship with your estranged husband.  It clearly shows that a woman always has options, and realistically, will sometimes  think of going back (well, we women just deeply love).  At the same time, in the face of temptation and our great hope and optimism,  a woman can still step back and stick to what is in her best interest.  Congratulations!

I agree with you,  your husband has to go into significant counseling and behavior modification (for his own good, more than anything), before he should hope to see you regularly.    Take care of yourself, do not let your guard down.  Abusers are creative and manipulative.

I also agree with you -- things will not be as simple as J Lo had it; and it is dangerous to be leading women into a false sense of strength -- that a few blows will solve it all.  No, if you do not kill him in the process -- rest assured he will beat you to it -- he will surely kill you.  Self-defense,  yes.  But to goad him and then to expect to come out of it triumphant -- beware, be very very very very careful.  Best to not pursue the "matirang buhay ang matibay sa atin" scenario -- may just lead to tacky tabloid headlines.

ASHLEY and DIWATA, please make time to see Rose Yenko.  PM you details. 

God bless!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on November 17, 2008, 08:51:06 am
OH GOD! I dont know what to do! I thought I was ok. I thought I couldt get possibly more hurt than all that I have ever been through.

but my narcissistic (Clinically diagnosed) es husband couldnt just let me be!!!!


Heres the story/ Broke it off about 3 weeks ago bec he wasnt changing. He was still controlling. Calls me today 2 days after my birthday... to tell me that he has STD. and HES BLAMING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My GOD, when does the abuse stop?! Me of all people... he has to look to me and blame ME, his wife. When hes been screwing around with dirt!!

To make it worse... He says he likes someone. And that he stopped calling her bec its unfair to her daw what hes going thorugh with me. MY GOD. AS IF he is shielding her from his complicated life with me. When I was the one who said, enough and go away. It isnt going to work. AND AKKKKOOOOO pa now.

MY GOD!! and then right before I go back into my house. He hugs me and tells me "please pray. I always pray to this day we get back together. PLease pray we get back together."

WTF?!?!?!?!?!!? First u accuse me of giving u STD then you tell me u found someone u really like already, and now u want me to pray we get back?!?!?!?!!? ALSO, he kept saying over and over again that hes still so attracted to me. And he was crying and saying all he wanted was for me to be happy.

OH MY GOD I will go out of my mind. IT HURTS SOOOOOOO MUCH! For the person I GAVE MY LIFE TO, to accuse me?!!? When I will swear on my own kid's life that I had never been with any one since the day he ecame my bf. SUPER sakit. sobra na talaga. Mamamtay ako. Mamatay ako physically sa sakit na makukuha ko sa kanya.

And my gosh, when will the abuse stop. I was moving on and doing ok. I was ignoring his calls for 1 week after I called everyting off. Then have een silent and at peace for the past 3 weeks. HE always knows where to stab me where it hurts. WOW di ko na kaya to
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: aquacharly on November 17, 2008, 07:45:04 pm
Keep your cool, he is just more imbalanced and mean. 
Probably triggered by your determination to lead an even-keeled life, which he senses.
Do not let him upset your world; or even if you are upset -- do not show him he can still affect you so much.

Gather your strength.  Take care. God bless



Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on November 18, 2008, 09:33:41 am
^^
Keep in mind that the reason why you are in this rot in the first place is because you married a crazy in-an-abusive-way guy, who is inconsiderate, and basically has issues. .... Among other things like being lucky with the opposite sex :). But let's not get into that since he didn't seem so lucky the last time he fooled around anyway. :)

All of the above mentioned things, and probably more, is basically the reason why you two are apart. And until you totally heal, and are strong enough to gain back the independent-you, you will only risk losing all that you've worked for if you keep communicating with him.

Looking back at your Post dated Oct 15th, it seems it was too early for you to expose yourself to the very person who dealt you the very blow you were currently recovering from.

You want to know when the abuse will end?

When you stop caring about what he does and start caring more about yourself and your recovery. Again, you will only be in a position to help him, save your family and maybe even save your marriage, ... once you've recovered from your very own issues. Issue brought forward by the abuse you've suffered.

I could be wrong. But I think in this scenario, you can only save one person at a time. I suggest you start with yourself.


Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: budweiser on November 18, 2008, 08:33:34 pm
seek a counselor sis..
i suggest kailangan niyo ng family therapy,,
it includes na din iyong marriage counselling..

eto kasi iyong nangyayari sa early marriage eh, sometimes
ang long courtship napupunta sa shorter engagements..
and in the end,, sasabihin mong di ko pala siya ganun kakilala..

all these,, with the help na din sa marriage counselor
ma ga guide kayo, at mabibigyan kayo ng tamang desisyon
tungkol dito..

regarding naman dun sa abusive mong husband..
eto iyong batas ...

 REPUBLIC ACT NO. 9262

AN ACT DEFINING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND THEIR CHILDREN, PROVIDING FOR PROTECTIVE MEASURES FOR VICTIMS, PRESCRIBING PENALTIES THEREFORE, AND FOR OTHER PURPOSES

 As used in this Act,  "Violence against women and their children" refers to any act or a series of acts committed by any person against a woman who is his wife, former wife, or against a woman with whom the person has or had a sexual or dating relationship, or with whom he has a common child, or against her child whether legitimate or illegitimate, within or without the family abode, which result in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, psychological harm or suffering, or economic abuse including threats of such acts, battery, assault, coercion, harrasment or arbitrary deprivation of liberty. It includes, but is not limited to, the following acts:

physical violence
economic violence

ill post na lang others sis..
if you want to know more just pm me..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on November 20, 2008, 12:18:21 am
hay nako sis.  we used to be in the same boat.  being blamed for something that is their fault and then trying to woo me back with "flowery" words that he knows would just melt your heart.  at first, it really hurt.  of course, your defense mechanism for such statements will automatically go on because you know you've done nothing wrong and then you hear these things.  our abusive partners always blame others for whatever wrong things or mistakes they have made, in this case, tayo yun.  kaya kahit tumahimik tayo, meron at merong masasabi yan because they know kaya nila tayong paikutin.  i don't mean to sound bitter about these people but they really do these things.

sabi ko dati kaya ko yan, i can take it pero minsan sobrang sakit na talaga e.  it reached a point where i did try to kill myself just for him to believe me...didn't work, he didn't care.  i just learned to let go.  when he was in "that mood" i would just keep quiet and tell myself not to let it get to me.  alam ko namang di totoo sinasabi niya.  besides, kahit ikwento niya pa sa ibang tao kung gano ako kasama, the fact that we were still together just made him look like a**.  reklamo ng reklamo pero ako pa din kasama niya parati.  i just convinced myself how kawawa this person is for doing such things.

try to look past the nasty statements and start concentrating on yourself more.  you don't deserve to be treated this way.  try to start a hobby or something, it may help you.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: queenkiss on November 24, 2008, 02:44:52 pm
Hi mga SIS! Ako din nakaranas na ng Physical at Emotional Abuse from my husband.Recently lang to... meron lang ako nagawang mali at iyun ay ang mkapagwithdraw ng sobrang 500 lang naman sa savings namin. kung ano ano na ang sinabi nya sakin. no need to elaborate kung ano ang mga pinagsasabi nya sakin. kasi ako wala sakin ang pera, kung meron ako ubos ubos biyaya sakin. lahat ng kelangan nila ng anak ko binibigay ko. kahit nga wala na ko basta sila meron ok lang. di ko sinasabi na sana ganun sya sakin pero sana kung meron akong maliit na pagkakamali tulad nun sana wag na nyang gawin na big deal. because wala na naman talagang big deal diba? it's only 500 Pesos. lagi nya kong tinatakot na humanda daw ako pag uwi. lagi nya kong minumura, masyado nya kong di-nidegrade na di naman dapat. Feeling ko tuloy wala ba kong nagawang tama sa kanya? Boba daw ako, t****... siguro nga t**** ko talaga kasi pumatol ako sa isang undergrad ng highschool. while me i finished my college, have a stable job. i even sacrificed pa nga my work for him. company policy kasi yun na di pwede kaming magkasama sa ibang company, pero since na nakatapos naman ako ako na ang umalis sa ofis namin kasi madali naman ako makakahanap ng work. like now meron na ulit akong job. pag nag aaway kami lagi syang nanakit. may times pa nga na pinalalayas nya ko sa haus nmin.at ang pinakamabigat nagkaroon pa sya ng mistress na officemate nya. I am not a perfect wife but im trying to be good. Minsan di ko na matiis gusto ko na umuwi sa family ko. pero how naman? nahihiya ako sa family kodahil alam ko na di na ko pbabablikin pa sa kanya once na umuwi na ko. kaya hangga't maari i still want to work it out pa.  Minsan di ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Please enlighten me me naman...

thanks mga sis!!!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on November 25, 2008, 01:46:21 am
Hello Queenkiss,

Have you tried opening the subject to your husband? Have you tried citing that although he may have a reason(s) to get mad, calling his wife names isn't only ill effective in solving the problem but more importantly Hurts you?

Money, Other Women, are just two of the many stuff married people fight about. Especially Money Matters. It usually causes heated arguments and is a popular reason to break-up. So since such conflicts are difficult to avoid, what we can do is find ways and means to manage the conflict.

I say, talk about it. Tell him how much it hurts and how it isn't even necessary. Tell him that you can fight in a less "Degrading" way naman eh. No need for name calling and the insults. Demand for it if at all you get a chance to. If he just has anger management issues and isn't Abusive (yet), he may just hear you out. Malay mo?

Try that first. Good luck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity94 on November 25, 2008, 11:24:14 pm
points to ponder:

1. walang matinong lalaki ang nambubugbog ng asawa... at walang matinong babae ang nagpapabugbog sa kanyang asawa...

2. masakit sa mga anak na nakikitang nag-aaway ang kanilang mga magulan, pero mas malalim ang sugat sa mga bata pag nakita nilang hindi marunong lumaban ang kanilang ina...

do you know that mothers have the most impact in the behavior of their kids?...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on November 26, 2008, 08:53:16 am
well... from my last post.

Ex-husband is really crazy! Called me to tell me and admit that he made the STD issue up. He said daw that he did feel symptoms and go to the doctor 2 Mondays ago.

DUH, He called me on the Sunday night before that to announce that he has STD which he got DAW from me (wc is impossible he since weve had no contact for 5 weeks then) bec he went to a doctor 2 weeks prior to that who administered a test which he will supposedly get on Monday the next day. Turns out he was LYING!!! He hasnt even been to the doctor YET. And had no idea if he was even positive for STD (which im sure he has anyway). Bwisitttttttt all he wanted to do was to make me gulo!!! 

Arggggghhhhhhhh he really is CRAZY!!!!!!!!! Imagine making up stories just to make me suffer. I mean Im sure he did get an STD scare. But the least he couldve done was do all the tests and checkup before blaming me. Kapal! It just shows whatkind of person he is.

Ako pa ang sinisi. Why doesnt he blame his dirty one night stands. Besides its IMPOSSIBLE he got it from me bec nga at that point I havent even had contact with him for more than a month. The STD he mentioned had an incubation period of only 2-5 and up to 14 days for symptoms to appear.

I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on November 26, 2008, 04:24:55 pm
^
Manipulation is one of the tactics abusers are known for. It doesn't matter if it is the truth or not. So as long as they can find something worth hurting/scaring/degrading you with, they'll use it and keep using it to break you down. It's an emotional attack. Imagine, you very well know that you weren't the one who gave him the alleged disease, but the simple fact that he pointed the finger at you does three things :

1) It questions your fidelity
2) It questions your character
3) It gauges how much hold he still has on you

Your husband is Manipulative. That's not late-breaking news anymore. :) And just like a determined, horny lover who'd settle for text-sex when he can't physically have real sex with his girl, your husband would settle for Emotional Abuse since he can't give you the Physical Beatings anymore.

Get over the hatred and start concentrating on your progress.

Good luck Scorpiowolf.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: marianne1413 on November 26, 2008, 11:37:32 pm
Hi, matagal na ako dito sa gt, pero ngayon ko lang nabasa itong topic on VAW (Violence Against Women)...

Why a sudden interest? I had become a victim too... from: not yet a husband, but a boyfriend (pwedeng iconsider na live-in partner because he stayed at my place for 3 months), just recently, a month ago lang nangyari....
and everything that happened is still painful for me... Though the bruises are no longer visible, i am still bleeding til now emotionally and I know that psychologically it affects me too. It was the second time actually that he hurt me... the first 1 I tried to forget and forgive him after naming magkabati muli. I never thought it will happen again because we've been very much inlove and romantically into each other until we had a small fight a month ago. Lumala pa nung nakipaghiwalay ako na hindi nya matanggap, then he accused me of seeing/contacting my ex-bf, that i am not loyal to him and to our relationship. Then at that night, he hurt me physically, verbally insulted me and my family, and a lot more... akala ko nga mapapatay nya ako that night, nung makalabas ako, tumawag ako ng guard sa labas para palabasin sya... hindi pa siya lumabas agad kahit na nakikita nya akong nahihirapan na sa sakit at gusto ko nang mawala sya sa paningin ko. After an hour pa bago siya totally lumabas ng unit ko... The guard asked me kung gusto ko raw sya ipabarangay at that time, because they saw my bruises, but im in a confused state at that time, gusto ko lang na umalis sya at magkulong na lang ako sa room ko because my whole body was at pain... at masakit lahat ng mga binitawan nyang mga salita sa akin...

after 3 days pa lang ako nakalabas after that incident, and my friends advised me to report the case sa police station. Then I had my bruises checked by a doctor for a cert. medico legal and filed a case against him...

Masakit ang lahat ng nangyari, i still cry heavily at night thinking about it all. Ang masakit pa sa lahat ay mahal ko pa rin siya sa kabila ng lahat ng ginawa nya sa akin. Although i promised to myself na hindi na ako makikipagbalikan pa sa kanya, anuman ang mangyari... kahit na mahal ko parin sya...

Tapos ang bagal pala ng usad ng kaso kapag nagfile ka ng case. sabi ng pulis, i need to wait 2-4 months bago makatanggap kami pareho ng subpoena... Ang tagal... It's like they're prolonging more my agonies... I cant move on waiting for that long... Hindi rin pala ganun kadali ang pagsampa ng demanda... I cant move on with my life now because of this. lagi ko na lang iniisip ang nangyari, at kung ano pa ang maaaring mangyari... I have a lot of worries... To the point that when i reflected and prayed, i was given the sign to just forget him and forgive him... I dont know what to do know, IM at lost...

Nakapagfile na ako ng case against him... to redeem myself sa ginawa nya sa akin...
kaso ang tagal ng proseso... i cant move on...
sa tagal... unti-unti nawawala na ang galit ko sa kanya...
baka kapag nagkaharap kami uli sa korte after how many months, i've totally forgiven him...

May sense pa bang ituloy ko ang laban na ito kung mangyari man yun?

I really dont know what to do...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: diwata on November 27, 2008, 03:48:42 am
Marianne1413 ~ I do not know how it works but file a Temporary Restraining Order yata ang tawag doon, iyong the person is forbidden to get near you ng within 50 meters away ata para hindi na siya makalapit ng walang hassle sayo.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on November 27, 2008, 10:55:57 am
Wow Paulo! You hit the nail on it head big time. Absolutely correct!!!!

Thanks for that. Actually, very true that he just wanted to hurt me after bruising his ego again, by dumping him. And off all things to accuse me, he knows that this will hurt the most.

You, as well as aquacharly and the other sisses are really a great help to me.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on November 27, 2008, 12:14:12 pm
sis trinity: youre right in saying that we shouldnt take the statements of our abuser so seriously. Easier said than dine though and I still get shocked at how nasty his words are and how degraded he still makes me feel.

However, now I know better. I get hurt yes, but after I KNOW deep down that hes simply saying things to hurt me deliberately. Unlike before where id take everything sooooo seriously. And whats worse is that I would blame myself for his unjust behavior.

Thanks sis! Glad to hear you are doing much better now. Sarap ng feeling when you see how far youve come. In my case I had a relapse, but im working double time now to get back on track emotinally
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: marianne1413 on November 27, 2008, 02:36:38 pm
Marianne1413 ~ I do not know how it works but file a Temporary Restraining Order yata ang tawag doon, iyong the person is forbidden to get near you ng within 50 meters away ata para hindi na siya makalapit ng walang hassle sayo.

The police at the Women's Desk also mentioned that to me. Kaso nga lang, kapag nasa judge na raw or piskal ang kaso, saka lang pwedeng magrequest nun... feeling ko nga wala pa sa kanila e... That's why I have to wait for months... Good thing, hindi naman na sya nanggugulo... Except for some text weeks ago saying sorry to me and that he misses me etc etc... Of course hindi ko pinapansin na... Though i admit, with my current feeling to him na andito pa rin, natetempt ako na sagutin mga text at calls nya... PinagbabawAlan lang ako ng mga friends ko... :-[
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sistah! on November 28, 2008, 12:56:25 pm
^ sis marianne1413, your story is quite similar to my ordeal. i had a boyfriend who was very abusive. he started by calling me names, dragging me around and just pushing me around. as the relationship progressed, his violent tendencies did too. he started punching, slapping, kicking. at one point, he pushed me down the stairs and tried to strangle me. but i kept coming back to him. i kept blaming myself for the fights, my friends and my family were constantly in tears begging me to leave him. grabe talaga. the first few months after the breakup were tough because i got lonely and sad. tapos he kept harassing me. tawag ng tawag, nakatayo sa gitna ng gabi sa labas ng bahay namin, hinaharang kotse ko bigla sa kalye at sinasabihan ako na papatayin nya ako.

pina-blotter ko sya at well, medyo tinakot ko din. matagal kasi makakuha ng TRO so kinuntsaba ko na lang mga kilala ko na lawyers na tumawag sa bahay nila at sinabihan na may TRO na ako laban sa kanya. marami pa akong pinarating sa nanay nya at pagkatapos nun, medyo nabawasan na ang ginagawa nya hanggang sa may naging girlfriend na syang iba at tinigilan na nya ako. balita ko binubugbog nya rin yung girlfriend nya ngayon.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: trinity8 on November 28, 2008, 11:14:58 pm
I just read this over the internet and wanted to share it with the others who are in relationships that seem so hopeless.  It gave me strength, I hope it does the same thing for you too. 

The Two Faces Of Love
by Pauline Hamblin
Love has two faces
This I surely know
Which one I see today
I don't rightly know.

At times it is so beautiful,
Makes me feel complete.
Other times it can be vicious,
I often times get beat

Wouldn't it be wonderful
If love would never go
To that dark and dangerous place,
A place I do dread so.

Settle for the happy times,
They are far and few.
I must wake up and leave this man
While alive, and still in view.


Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: marianne1413 on December 02, 2008, 05:06:12 am
Update sa case ko... 1 month na since i gave my statement sa Women's desk ng PNP, hindi pa pala nailakad when I followed it up... Grabe, I've been worried for almost a month, expecting na anytime ay darating na ang subpoena ko at maghaharap na din kami ng ex kami sa wakas, sa korte, after that painful incident. TApos malaman-laman ko na hindi pa pala umuusad ang kaso. Kung hindi ko pa kinumusta yung pulis na may hawak ng kaso ko, hindi ko malalaman na nasa kanila pa pala yung file ko at hindi pa naieendorse sa Fiscal at provincial prosecutor...

Grabe, gusto ko nang makalimot, magmoveon at matapos na itong emotional and psychological stress na dulot ng mga nangyaring ito sa akin... Kaso hindi ako makamove on na ganito... tumatagal ang usad ng kaso, mas tumatagal ang paghihirap ng loob ko :'(... Gusto ko na sana ipatigil na lang ang kaso, but my family and friends keeps on telling me to continue with my fight to regain back my dignity and self worth na nawala because of what my ex did to me...

Ang hirap pala ng ganito... I can't decide well whether to move on and stop the case... or continue fighting for my right and dignity in a legal way...

I need some advise mga sisters... :-\
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sistah! on December 02, 2008, 12:40:58 pm
^i say pursue it pa rin but don't bank on the law being quick to act on it. basta was mo i-pull out yung kaso mo. make sure that you write everything down para pagdating ng subpoena at kailangan kayo magharap, alam mo lahat ng details.

in the meantime, try to move on na rin by involving yourself with friends, activities, and dont forget to pray. alam mo sis, ako nga dati akala ko talaga wala na akong pag-asa maging happy pero ive been blessed with a better life than i ever expected. kaya mo yan. :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sweety_paige on December 25, 2008, 12:30:12 am
What should be the first thing to be done ba pag hubby hurt you physically?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on December 26, 2008, 04:21:26 pm
^
Protect yourself and when the smoke clears, talk to him about it and Demand that it doesn't happen again. State clearly that you're not going to put up with it again. Don't allow him to be comfortable with the "violent solution" he exhibited nor should you settle for a passive stand at accepting the beatings.

Addressing the problem early could save your relationship. It is therefore necessary for the two of you to discuss the problem and reflect on how and why it came to that point (that it became violent). That will help you avoid such a scenario or at the very least, give you a glimpse of what sets him off.

Such a discussion MAY also give him a clearer view of what he has done and what he is capable of doing when in rage/mad/hurt/angry. If at all he plans to avoid being a violent husband to his wife, discussing counter measures to prevent an ordinary husband and wife misunderstanding or heated argument from turning into a Slug-Fest is necessary.

Enlisting the help of a Pro should also be better. Of course that will have to come later. Usually, couples are better off initially discussing it between the two of them. Guys with Temper/Anger Issues more often turn more defensively aggressive when it's a 3rd party that calls their attention. A 3rd party Pro is best introduced when either 1) Nothing gets into the thick head of the wife-beater :) Or ...... 2) You are already working on a solution and already need a more methodical approach at preventing the violence from happening again, or it's aftermath from haunting your relationship.

Hope that helps. Good luck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sweety_paige on December 29, 2008, 10:41:07 am
^Yup it helps, thanks
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: pinkchilli on January 01, 2009, 04:40:12 pm
mga sis first thing first GET A LAWYER, better yet get a matandang dalaga na lawyer. yung mga feminist na manhater.

my friend tried yung diretso sa PNP agad after ng fight nila ng hubby nya, naku aabutan talaga ng 48 years yung kaso if complaint lang ginawa mo dun.

Buti nalang may isang pulis dun who advised us to get medico legal sa mga hospital they'll check yung mga bruises na na acquire mo from the bugbog then picture picture tapos find a lawyer.

Ang mga pulis ang sarap paguntugin when the lawyer arrives lahat sila natataranta na kanya kanyang hugas kamay agad, kung di pa dumating the atty ha. isang araw lang nasa fiscal na case within a week 1st hearing agad.

yun nga lang it's magastos pero you can ask din na ipacharge sa hubby the expenses noh and damages done.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on February 01, 2009, 06:41:18 pm
Hi everyone! I just want to update people here who have been there, listened, and gave support when I needed it the most.

I just want to say that WHEW! Life is good for me now. I have been enjoying going out with my friends. Spending time with my son and taking him out too. And yes, I have been dating hehe

I noticed that I my progress was fast tracked when one day shortly before Christmas, I saw a picture of my husband with a girl on facebook. Yes, I dd get hurt and I did cry a bit. But after that, for the FIRST time... I prayed to God to take away all my anger and biitterness towards my ex.

And just like that... Its sounds ssssoooooo cliche but it felt like all theis weight was literally being pulled out of my chest. From then on, everything has been going uphill for me.

Now, I try not to see my ex like the bastard he was to me. I sincerely wish the best for him and hope he is happy. We both avoid talking to each other unless absolutely necessary. I try to be fair and respectful in dealing with him and I never give him a hard time if he wants to see his son.

What also helped is that I forced myself to LET GO of a LOT of the issues  I had. RE: separation of property in upcoming annulment and thatg hes been stashing our cash away or hiding them in investments, and moving around our property. I told myself... di bale na. Sa kanya na yung pera basta magkaroon lang ako something to start my life again with. The rest is his. I don't want to be "madamot" and worry myself about fighting for every single peso I am entitled to. It just makes me miserable, and ruins my vibe.

Also, I LET GO also of reacting or getting affected by his affairs. After all it is none of my business, just as mine is to him. The true test of it was that I was out and I bumped into him and his current fling/gf. They were in a group. I simply left the place with my group. I FELT so good that I didnt even feel anything. Plus I was sorta on a date that night hehe and was more preoccupied on the guy and his friends, than about my ex-husband and that girl of his. Another time, my husband saw me out on another date. I simply and quietly, left the place with my date after seeing my ex and all his friends by the bar. I am so thankful that so far hes not giving me problems about my dating, or stalking me like he used to. I guess hes happy now with his life (and maybe stalking someone else? hahaha) and I just feel good about it.

I feel more alive than I have been in a looooong time. I am satisfied with my husband being a good dad to my son still. I love being a mom still. I am enjoying making new friends. I am no way going to get into a relationship, but yes I do enjoy entertaining suitors again.  I was so happy just last week I told my friend that for the FIRST TIME I feel completely happy, and confident in separating with my husband. I felt that all the pain I had to endure in freeing myself from that abusive relationship was really WORTH IT. I have many more struggles to overcome and a lot or things to straighten out in my life. I know I can do it though. If I survived leaving an abusive relationship, (after all the stalking, stress, drama) I think Ill have the guile to survive anything! =)

GIRLS listen up. LIFE is really too good and too short to live in misery and fear.   

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: virgogirl98 on February 04, 2009, 04:09:00 pm
my husband is a compulsive gambler! sa abroad sya nagwowork at walang pinapadalang pera sa akin! last year for 5 months di sya nagpadala ng pera kaya ako nagpakahirap umutang ng pambayad sa monthly amort. ng bahay namin na 20k a month. kasi inasahan ko yung pangako nya na may iuuwi syang pera pero nung umuwi naman 5k pesos lang ang dalang pera! 10 months sya nagwork sa abroad tas 5k lang ang uwing pera? napaamin ko na kaya ganon kasi naubos sa kakasugal! ubod pa ng sinungaling! pagkatapos ko naghirap na sumagot lahat ng pangangailangan nya bago umalis tas eto ngayon 2 months ng di nagpapadala at wala man lang text o tawag! delayed na naman kami sa pambayad sa bahay at wala na akong pera. pati yung needs ng baby namin pinanghihiram ko a lang din. sobra na ginagawa nya sa akin, panay pangako tas di naman natutupad. 2 years ago nga sinanla nya ang wedding ring at relo nya para lang mkapansugal pero pinagbigyan ko pa rin sya kahit na ako ang tumubos ng wedding ring at relo nya dahil inasahan ko ang pangako nya na di na mauulit. pero ngayon sawang sawa na ako parang di ko na kaya talaga ang ginagawa nya sa kin!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ihadelaluna on February 04, 2009, 05:35:08 pm
Hi, matagal na ako dito sa gt, pero ngayon ko lang nabasa itong topic on VAW (Violence Against Women)...

Why a sudden interest? I had become a victim too... from: not yet a husband, but a boyfriend (pwedeng iconsider na live-in partner because he stayed at my place for 3 months), just recently, a month ago lang nangyari....
and everything that happened is still painful for me... Though the bruises are no longer visible, i am still bleeding til now emotionally and I know that psychologically it affects me too. It was the second time actually that he hurt me... the first 1 I tried to forget and forgive him after naming magkabati muli. I never thought it will happen again because we've been very much inlove and romantically into each other until we had a small fight a month ago. Lumala pa nung nakipaghiwalay ako na hindi nya matanggap, then he accused me of seeing/contacting my ex-bf, that i am not loyal to him and to our relationship. Then at that night, he hurt me physically, verbally insulted me and my family, and a lot more... akala ko nga mapapatay nya ako that night, nung makalabas ako, tumawag ako ng guard sa labas para palabasin sya... hindi pa siya lumabas agad kahit na nakikita nya akong nahihirapan na sa sakit at gusto ko nang mawala sya sa paningin ko. After an hour pa bago siya totally lumabas ng unit ko... The guard asked me kung gusto ko raw sya ipabarangay at that time, because they saw my bruises, but im in a confused state at that time, gusto ko lang na umalis sya at magkulong na lang ako sa room ko because my whole body was at pain... at masakit lahat ng mga binitawan nyang mga salita sa akin...

after 3 days pa lang ako nakalabas after that incident, and my friends advised me to report the case sa police station. Then I had my bruises checked by a doctor for a cert. medico legal and filed a case against him...

Masakit ang lahat ng nangyari, i still cry heavily at night thinking about it all. Ang masakit pa sa lahat ay mahal ko pa rin siya sa kabila ng lahat ng ginawa nya sa akin. Although i promised to myself na hindi na ako makikipagbalikan pa sa kanya, anuman ang mangyari... kahit na mahal ko parin sya...

Tapos ang bagal pala ng usad ng kaso kapag nagfile ka ng case. sabi ng pulis, i need to wait 2-4 months bago makatanggap kami pareho ng subpoena... Ang tagal... It's like they're prolonging more my agonies... I cant move on waiting for that long... Hindi rin pala ganun kadali ang pagsampa ng demanda... I cant move on with my life now because of this. lagi ko na lang iniisip ang nangyari, at kung ano pa ang maaaring mangyari... I have a lot of worries... To the point that when i reflected and prayed, i was given the sign to just forget him and forgive him... I dont know what to do know, IM at lost...

Nakapagfile na ako ng case against him... to redeem myself sa ginawa nya sa akin...
kaso ang tagal ng proseso... i cant move on...
sa tagal... unti-unti nawawala na ang galit ko sa kanya...
baka kapag nagkaharap kami uli sa korte after how many months, i've totally forgiven him...

May sense pa bang ituloy ko ang laban na ito kung mangyari man yun?

I really dont know what to do...

the first thing you shouldve done is move out, get a TRO then filed the case the thing is ang caso hindi magmove yan pag kulang ang supporting evidence mo, what you need to get is a female lawyer and hindi namansa nagmamata ko pero usually hindi kaya ng mga probono lawyers ang mga tulad nito I suggest you go by step by step and take some other necessary actionslike trying to gather info kung sino ba talaga yung ex mo and check if he has contacts, alam mo na corruption mahirap kalaban, if you like more support please click on my weblinker,. thank you
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sangreal24 on February 19, 2009, 06:02:11 am
hmmm i really dont know where to post this, but this thread is best that i could find. I used to have a typical family, im the eldest and i have 2 siblins, my dad used to work in a stable company, my mom at home or sometimes doing business and we the children went to good school. It started when my dad got sick because of his longterm smoking and drinking. he has anxiety attacks, sleepless nights etc.
he started to have mood swings which we can easily handle, oftentimes he's fine staying at home or going to thr province for vacation. one time, he started to be dillusional, he said that he feels like someone is watching him, the entire house were arranged and even RENOVATED because of his dillusions, the family thinks that its just an andropause stage for my dad, but then it got worst, i cant talk to him and get a serious answer, sometimes he will not talk for a day, the worst is that he is always thinking negatively about my mom, having an affair, he went with my mom anywhere even inside the bathroom, he wont allow phonecalls, one night he hurt himself with a knife...that was an eye opener for me, hindi na to biro, hindi totoo na toh, and hangang ngayon, its really unacceptable, our family is fine, why does those have to happen, last weekend around 2am to pee to the kitchen's comfort room, my dad followed her, and to her surprise, he accused her of meeting her 'other guy' there and will be having sex, so my dad strangled her near the faucer, stripped her panty and wash her genetal, shouting "ang dumi dumi mo, malandi!" i wasnt there and its only my youngest brother who told me the entire story, he was scared, there were in laguna and im here in mandaluyong, working, i dont know what to do, where to go, if we leave, my dad will surely come to my mom's relative, it will result to a bigger problem, i am checking mom, but she just keep saying she's ok and we just have to understand our father, i really dont what to do
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ihadelaluna on February 19, 2009, 09:19:52 pm
my friend's husband started telling her that he has a new gf and is in love with her and then he told his eldest kid too, the woman is in pain and the kid only goes sending me messages to cry on what is inside her, I listen and give her advices till one day he told his wife that if she goes to his work place and create war with the girl friend he said she is not going to get any support and he will leave his family he even told that to his mother in law and his brothers and sisters and even his mother and father too. this family has 6 kids( 5 girls 1 boy) and the woman is worried for she feels helpless, I dont know much about law, but this is why I am posting this here, the girlfriend of the guy is my neighbor and I feel so helpless knowing that my friend will no longer be happy emotionally and mentally, what I wanna know is is there anything that she can do and what are her rights? she never tells her family anything about this till the guy decided to tell his family about it. she is scared very scared.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: reality on February 20, 2009, 11:30:46 am
Ano ba namang ama yan! Inuna ang kerida kaysa sa mga anak! @#$%!

Now that I've put that out of the way,

I think she should take time to collect the pieces of evidence that she will need to win her case when she decides to sue.

That's just to get the ball rolling. Right now, she has to pull herself together and do what she needs to do for her children.


Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ihadelaluna on February 20, 2009, 03:02:31 pm
sis reality, this man has 6 kids and the panganay is in the midst of gustong magwala syndrome I was the only one keeping her sanity as to his wife, kanina nagtext sa mom ko asking for some peice of advice as that her hubby dawtold her to tell her that she wont get support as soon as he moves out of the house and is fighting with his panganay saying that wala syang karapatan magalit dun sa kabit nya, yung kabit kanina I saw them right next door nagsusumbing dun sa guy kesyo gabi gabi daw pinaguusapan sya ng mga kasamahan ni lalaki sa work with me and my best friend sa corridor ng office building namin, and you are right walang kwentang ama talaga considering kinukwento pa nya sa anak nya ang mga kawalanghiyaan nya.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: kutingpie on February 20, 2009, 03:11:20 pm
sis Ihadelaluna, i think puwedeng kasuhan yung husband niya although ang tanong is if your friend is ready for that roller-coaster ride.

sis sangreal24, maybe your dad is suffering from alzheimer's. try to research about that.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: reality on February 20, 2009, 03:37:07 pm
sis ihadeluna, they have all the right to be outraged but they also have to keep their heads clear so they can device a tactic. Scheming and underhanded, I know. But this is the only way for them to get what is rightfully theirs. I can't say enough expletives regarding the father. Mas mahal niya mistress niya kaysa sa mga anak niya? Anak ng tokwa siya!

Maybe you can call up the family and provide guidance. They should do their homework first. PM sis aquacharly, I think she knows a lady lawyer who specializes in this kind of situation. Consult a lawyer so they know what their rights are. Pero always in secret para ma-checkmate nila ng maayos yung lalaking yun.

Hay... sana nag-lawyer ako. Malilintikan yan sakin.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ihadelaluna on February 20, 2009, 04:13:46 pm
a while ago dumaan sa harap ng opis ko yung guy...ang sama ng tingin sa amin ng mama ko.....gusto pa aata akong idamay....lech!!! yung anak nag text sa kin she said her father almost hit himfor telling him to stop hurting them....what I need to know is what are the grounds that she can put up to place this guy in hot water....malay ko sa law... I mastered philo.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ihadelaluna on February 27, 2009, 07:18:37 pm
just the  day before yesterday the guy I was telling about here just jumped my mom and pointed a finger on her accusing her of teaching his wife things, lumaban na daw yung asawa nya sa kanya, he even said "Pagmagkahiwalay kami ng pamilya ko lahat kasalanan mo!!! Pati mga tao sa Tondo Galit sa kin!!! mabait akong kaibigan, masama akong Kaaway, magiingat ka, may mangyayari sa yo!!!!

my mother is 68, and he is 40 with 6 kids and a wife and a kabit na feeling nya iiwan na nya yung pamilya nya for the sake of the kabit, he even gave her a house in bulacan, the house that he is building for his wife and family is now going to be owned by the cashier of this restaurant na kabit ng taong to, kawawa naman yung family nya, but I have to think of my family too, he jumped on my mother unprepared somehow I have to defend my family, I had him blottered and will be filing a case on grave threat against him and will request for a temporary restriction order by court, the thing is he is not from where I am, he only works here what do I do?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on March 02, 2009, 03:32:39 pm
^
Where did you file the case?

If you filed it at the Police Station in your area, they may have to coordinate with the local Barangay and they in turn should send someone over to his known address, which in this case is his place of work (I'm assuming you told them where he works). They will surely invite him to shed light on the charges you filed. They then should check his records for his registered home and work addresses.

The Police will also ask for witnesses as to the grave threat charges against him.

Now after reading through your past posts on this particular thread, I think it would be in your best interest to keep mum bout your personal "views" on the guy's marital problems and his philandering ways. The way it looks on print, it seems you have more reasons to hate the guy simply because he is unfaithful, than he does to hate you or your mother. ;)

Good luck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: shybutterfly on March 03, 2009, 01:44:18 am
is there someone here who can help me... i was being abused and hinahayaan ko lang yun.. which is really painful for me.. i need a courage to let go.. i need some help.. serious help
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ihadelaluna on March 03, 2009, 03:19:11 pm
^
Where did you file the case?

If you filed it at the Police Station in your area, they may have to coordinate with the local Barangay and they in turn should send someone over to his known address, which in this case is his place of work (I'm assuming you told them where he works). They will surely invite him to shed light on the charges you filed. They then should check his records for his registered home and work addresses.

The Police will also ask for witnesses as to the grave threat charges against him.

Now after reading through your past posts on this particular thread, I think it would be in your best interest to keep mum bout your personal "views" on the guy's marital problems and his philandering ways. The way it looks on print, it seems you have more reasons to hate the guy simply because he is unfaithful, than he does to hate you or your mother. ;)

Good luck!

told mom to give chance and she did, she isnt angry with hiom its really the other way around the thing is I was th e one keeping the wife ina  leash from making eskandalo, ayoko ng gulo rito, and my office is a public thing people can go here anytime and people of authority so I might as well keep out from the fire, as for him I dont think I need to tell the wife on who is doing her wrong as he is the one who told his own kids who the the person he is seeing at the moment, we had went to the cops and the barangay, so dont worry about anything tapos na ang gulong to for now, perokung makawala yung misis good luck na lang sa kanila.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on March 10, 2009, 01:47:47 am
is there someone here who can help me... i was being abused and hinahayaan ko lang yun.. which is really painful for me.. i need a courage to let go.. i need some help.. serious help

sweetie... i feel so sorry for what you are going through right now.

First things first. Please, please tell someone you can trust about the abuse you are going through right now. A close friend or better yet a relative. You need someone closeby that u can call 24hrs/day or run to just in case things get out of hand. 2nd... every time aviolent incident occurs... and you are not ready to make pa blotter yet. PLease have a doctor in the ER examine ur bruises so that the hospital will have a record. Later on, you can use those records for a medico legal. Lastly, take pictures of ur bruises. They may not be admissible in court, but every little thing counts.

Also, start saving up bit by bit. You will never know what you might need it for.

God Bless You!!1
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on March 10, 2009, 01:55:52 am
its been Nine months since I got separated. My ex was trying to get back with be late last year, which I wrote about in this thread.

Now he is once more trying to win me back. UGHHHHH so far I have learned my lesson and I am staying AWAY! The last time ended bitterly and I was so hurt.

I am just happy now that I feel stronger and can think more clearly. I feel like I have finally gotten my old self back. Whew!!!! After seeing 4 therapists... taking anti-depressants for 2 months. I feel like I have finally began to slowly take control of everything. Although I have to be extra careful not to let that abusive-ex manipulate things again into getting me back in the picture. Sometimes it takes so much self control to just tell him to go away. In a way I do feel bad for him. I just hope I can resist

Also, I am seeing a new guy. Nothing serious. Its an old old friend. I really dont want a commitment at this point. Also, he has a lot of traits I do not like.  But for now, its all good. It makes me have a little fu and feel alive again after feeling "dead" so long
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chiqmom on March 10, 2009, 02:01:22 am
^good for you.

i was once emotionally and physically abused but i dont regret that experience, it taught me how to love myself more :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on March 10, 2009, 01:03:46 pm
^ go, girl! :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ihadelaluna on March 18, 2009, 07:05:23 pm
I was abused when I was younger, then I learned how to channel what has happened to me to show people that if I made it better so can you, that being weak is not the answer towards everything and prayers alone with out actions wont help you either.

NA SA DIYOS ANG AWA NA SA TAO ANG GAWA.

true enough he is stuill paying for his debts.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: zizternegozhante on March 20, 2009, 10:21:42 pm
i am also a battered girlfriend... im the one who earns a living for the both of us... his father threw him out of their house last november... feb 25, we had a fight and when i was out and working he moved out the house and he went to his sister's dorm.. the following day i called him to drop the keys but he refused so i went all the way to valenzuela (im from ayala)... when i was there, he beat me up... until now i havn't heard anything from him...

it's pains me a lot because im two months pregnant...  :'(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: dabidoo on March 20, 2009, 10:39:07 pm
^ Oh my! dont ever allow yourself to be treated that way.. tell a reliable friend or a relative asap.. next.. call the police, have your bruises documented and seek counselling.. and its better if you stop all communication with him.. just stay away because just like what Oprah said "if he beat you once, he will beat you again." Thats 100% sure, based on experience. hell never stop sis, and the beating will just get worse so act now..

you have the right to be safe esp now that your pregnant.. keep your child safe.

and pls dont ever, ever think about marrying this guy.. now nga na you're still not married, he can actually do that to you.. how much more if married na..

pray and godbless
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: zizternegozhante on March 20, 2009, 11:26:42 pm
^ Oh my! dont ever allow yourself to be treated that way.. tell a reliable friend or a relative asap.. next.. call the police, have your bruises documented and seek counselling.. and its better if you stop all communication with him.. just stay away because just like what Oprah said "if he beat you once, he will beat you again." Thats 100% sure, based on experience. hell never stop sis, and the beating will just get worse so act now..

you have the right to be safe esp now that your pregnant.. keep your child safe.

and pls dont ever, ever think about marrying this guy.. now nga na you're still not married, he can actually do that to you.. how much more if married na..

pray and godbless


thanks!  :)
that wasn't the first time though... yung una nangyari sa bahay nila... yung incident na yan sis, pinagtulungan pa nila ako ng ate niya.. isinumbong pa ako sa parents nila na nanggugulo daw ako...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: kutingpie on March 21, 2009, 12:50:51 pm
it's pains me a lot because im two months pregnant...  :'(

how's your baby sis?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on March 22, 2009, 03:09:42 pm
^^
Zizternegozhante:
 
Since you were the one who went to their place to ask for your keys back then perhaps they can really argue that you went there and started the incident. I guess it would have been better had you opted to change your locks instead. Unless of course you really wanted to see the guy again. If that was the idea, then they have more reasons to complain that you started the incident.

Does he know you're pregnant? If he does and you say you haven't heard from him again then perhaps you can take that as a sign that he is avoiding you. Maybe avoiding the responsibility that comes with your pregnancy.

I agree with Dabidoo. The best thing to do now is to keep a safe distance away from the guy. If you really need to talk to him, then better make sure he is okay to talk.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Xine on March 22, 2009, 10:38:41 pm
I guessed I am also abused hehe by many people, by most of people na nakakakilala sa akin kaya eto sanity at stake :)

But the thing is hindi pwedeng lagi na lang ako ang weak dito. Unfortunately markado lahat ng nangyari sa akin even how my treats me (para nga kaming armando solis at beatrice pengson dahil nung una tawag nya sa akin panget) kaya ayun, I just can't accept people giving you so much insecurities na akala mo eh mga perpektong santo sila. Nakakababa ng self-esteem but this time, I won't make it happen not even a single thing, or if mangyari, I'll get even with it ahaha ^_^ sanity at stake ayan baliw na :) kakapagod magpay forward now it's pay back time ahehe (walang matinong masabi :))
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: zizternegozhante on March 23, 2009, 10:56:26 pm
^^
Zizternegozhante:
 
Since you were the one who went to their place to ask for your keys back then perhaps they can really argue that you went there and started the incident. I guess it would have been better had you opted to change your locks instead. Unless of course you really wanted to see the guy again. If that was the idea, then they have more reasons to complain that you started the incident.

Does he know you're pregnant? If he does and you say you haven't heard from him again then perhaps you can take that as a sign that he is avoiding you. Maybe avoiding the responsibility that comes with your pregnancy.

I agree with Dabidoo. The best thing to do now is to keep a safe distance away from the guy. If you really need to talk to him, then better make sure he is okay to talk.


the apartment was locked.. how would i get in? i dont want to break the locks just to get my things... before i went to his sister's place, i called him and asked him if he can come and hand me the keys... said he cant because he doesnt have any money left for the fare... i told him, "okay, then i'll be the one to get my keys"... 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: zizternegozhante on March 23, 2009, 10:57:20 pm
how's your baby sis?

my baby's fine sis...  :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ganda ko on March 24, 2009, 02:19:46 pm
Makikisali po: I think kasama rin yata ako dito. Emotionally & Verbally abused. He cant hurt me kasi that's the best way to leave him. He knows me kapag sinaktan nya. I fight back. Then ill go to police. Kaya ang ginagawa nya kino-control nya life ko. Pati yung maliliit na bagay. Dahil siguro financially dependent ako sa kanya. Lahat ng gagawin ko dapat aprubado nya.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on March 25, 2009, 09:50:41 pm
^^^
Oh. So he locked your apartment and took the keys with him. There were only one set of keys to your apartment? And were you able to get those keys back?

I guess he really wanted to give you a tough time.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: zizternegozhante on March 25, 2009, 10:03:03 pm
^^^
Oh. So he locked your apartment and took the keys with him. There were only one set of keys to your apartment? And were you able to get those keys back?

I guess he really wanted to give you a tough time.

nasa kanya lahat ng keys.. kung meron mang extra, nasa loob ng apartment... nakuha ko na.. after he beat me up...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ganda ko on March 25, 2009, 11:16:33 pm
OMG, naku sis wag ka nang bumalik dun. Baka saktan ka pa ulit.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: cati on March 25, 2009, 11:36:51 pm
^^grabe sis.....layuan mo na yan, ala na syang respeto sa yo...I hope you're okay talaga...you deserve someone better, love yourself sis and have your dignity back...goodluck and Godbless
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: girlracer41 on March 30, 2009, 01:17:30 pm
abused din ako.. physically, mentally, emotionally, lahat na yata ng pang-aabuso naranasan ko sa asawa ko. ilang beses na rin namin na-try to work things out, pero wala talaga. thanks to my GT friends na tumulong sakin nung panahong down na down ako.. ngayon masakit pa rin, pero medyo nakakayanan ko na, kesa naman andito nga sya, eh sinasaktan naman nya kaming dalawa ng baby ko.

ang lesson na natutunan ko:
kung hindi ako kayang respetuhin ng partner ko, ako nalang rerespeto sa sarili ko.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chiqmom on March 30, 2009, 01:23:20 pm
^you go girl, dito lang kami ;)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sweety_paige on April 02, 2009, 10:29:11 am
What is the best way to do if you are emotionally and verbally abused by your partner and you just can't leave him because of the kids?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: proudmama on April 02, 2009, 10:34:43 am
^^ sis tama yan. you don't need that kind of man in your life. Hope you're doing good now. God bless :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: quennna on April 02, 2009, 11:36:35 am
mukhang makakarelate SIL ko dito ha.. :((
dont know what to do with my brother..
he has this tendency to hit his wife when mad.. :(

their last major fight, my SIL went to the barangay and women's desk to file a complaint.. good thing lang, my brother realized the value of his family.. pero .. after a few months again.. yan na naman sya.. he cant really control his anger.. :( (ops parang ako yan ha.. :D)

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chloefrancynn on April 21, 2009, 10:10:47 pm
I have been verbally abused by my husband for a long time. Nobody knows. Well,I'm not sure if my 7 year old daughter knows...She has witnessed countless outbursts and has heard her dad call me "b****" over the tiniest things. What do I do when this happens?I keep quiet. I shut up,keep everything I want to say bottled up inside because I JUST WANT THE ARGUMENT to end. I HATE IT WHEN HE SHOUTS AT ME INFRONT OF OUR DAUGHTER. I just want him to stop so I just shut my mouth.

I want to tell someone but I don't want him to be labeled by my friends and family. Plus, to him, it will always be MY fault. I have changed myself for him. I have become a robot for him, jumping at his every whim and always thinking of HIS reactions to things that he might not agree to.

He left again tonight. He was demanding me to fix his dinner. I told him to wait for a while because I was doing something with the computer. He suddenly reprimanded me for being so IRRESPONSIBLE. I said he has no right to call me that. He said he DOES have that right. He said I'm an irresponsible mom and wife to him. I quit my job 2 years ago because I wanted to focus on my daughter and also because he was on my case every single day of my "work life"-- accusing me,controlling me,nagging me.

I know that I am a nice person. I've changed for him. I am a good wife and mother. What should I do? To separate from him would be so embarrassing...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chloefrancynn on April 21, 2009, 10:24:35 pm
Here are SOME of the worst things he has said to me. (In the past 3 mos.lang yan ah) Verbal abuse to,right?

"b****!" -- countless times.
"Irresponsible mom and wife"
"Kahit ano pa gawin mo,balewala sakin.Paplano-plano ka pa dyan."- he was talking about a surprise party that I was upposed to give him on may 3 which he accidentally found out bec.he read his kuya's celfone. He didn't know that I know na he knows na pala.

"Wala kang kwenta!" -Right infront of my 7 year old daughter

"Kung mawala ka,mas masaya pa ako."

"Hindi ka nag-iisip...Ulol...Maghiwalay na tayo!"

all these are only about mababaw arguments...

I HAVE NEVER EVER SAID A SINGLE BAD THING TO HIM...EVER. YEAH,I KNOW. HARD TO BELIEVE, RIGHT?  :'( Ayoko kasi may maisusumbat sya sakin ever.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on April 22, 2009, 02:41:02 pm
^
Chloefrancynn, I think there are times when fighting back or in this case answering back, if only to demand to be respected becomes necessary. The problem with a lot of verbally abusive men is they have the tendency to get into the "zone" and make it a habit of some sorts. Yakking away isn't exactly a guy trait so men who find themselves nagging more than necessarily do not have the built-in break system thus they tend to over-do it. I mean, I can understand that every couple will have to fight every now and then. But arguing and fighting need not be totally destructive. When it's set to destroy a relationship rather than tweak it for certain timely improvements or to settle disputes, then it becomes alarming.

You should now take it upon yourself to defend yourself and if by defending yourself you have to be more aggressive, then so be it.

I think you should find the time, preferably when your husband is in a calm mood, to put up-front your list of stands. Demands, like perhaps that you are not going to put up with his verbal abuses any longer. That he may have the right to call your attention on the stuff he believes you did not do well, but he can't go over-board and inject degrading remarks in them or you'll have to fight back. That you two can argue but never in a destructive way.

Masama man pakinggan pero if you two really can't come to terms, puwede namang mag hiwalay. Hindi naman necessary to insult you, degrade you, give you insecurities, because no matter how bad a person/wife you happen to be there is always a more humane way you go about addressing his problem with you. If it's a choice between sticking to a loveless, respect-less marriage and separation, I'd take separation any day. Sticking together "for better or for worse" doesn't mean killing each other slowly. ;)

Now I could be wrong and this could cause your marriage to go downhill further but ..... since this is free advice, hey, that's okay. ;)

Kidding aside, there could be repercussions in the same way that it could also provide solutions. But rather than sit there and accept the abuse until you lose yourself, lose your mind, or end up leaving him anyway, perhaps an aggressive but controlled way of demanding for respect holds the least risk to ruin your marriage. Think of it as an armed kinda uprising and the only way to be taken seriously is by making a determined stand.

Sabi nga ni Girlracer41 a few replies above, ... "kung hindi ako kayang respetuhin ng partner ko, ako nalang rerespeto sa sarili ko". I think we owe it to ourselves to demand the Respect that is due to us. Not exactly abuse it too, but never put up with anything short of it.

Sometimes in saving something dear to you, you have to be ready to fight to the point of risking it all if only to secure it.

Of course this is just my take on the matter. Keep in mind that it can work against you.

Good luck Chloefrancynn!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on April 27, 2009, 09:54:02 pm
Chloefrancynn: I really really feel for you!!!! Sis, I was living that life... all I can say sis is that sometimes its OK to talk about it!!!! For your own sanity. Sis, if you feel uncomfortable abt talking abt it with family and friends please see a counselor or such. It really helped me in the past. Of course, the poeple here in GT like Paulo and Aquacharly and others helped a great deal too.

As for me, Id like to think Im doing ok. Ive been separated for almost a year... although there have been some relapses. My husband has been trying to get back with me... and when he found out I was dating someone na talaga it kinda affected him a lot. He really was begging etc etc...

Hes begged before... but the difference now is he said he was willing to have go through ALL the counseling and therapy needed to change. He admits he has a problem. He says that he will give himself one year of us going trough this before we move back in together.

The sad part is this... After I had agreed to give him a chance... YOU will never guess what happened. TURNS out, I have so much resentment and anger in ME. Turns out, in the short time that he was trying his best, I was the one sort of abusing him. I would be the one throwing temper tantrums. I would be the one calling him "t****" and "stupid." In fact I think I push his buttons on purpose.

I think Im like this now bec part of me want to make him feel the agony I went through... part of me became in "fight" or survival mode after being separated. Part of me wants to test his patience.

So now, he told me he couldnt take it na daw. That Im so arrogant, disrespectful even to his family daw. That I dont care whether we fix things or not daw. So wag nalang daw kami mag try... DUH the only thing I said was "OK, good. At least I know what a weakling you are. It only took you a week to give up. So Better like this, I cant be with someone like you."

At the end of it all... Ive realized the effects of the abuse ran so deep. There was a time I would do ANY THING just for my husband to do HALF of the effort he is doing now. But, to me  now... I simply am too angry and proud. Sad to say, I think "nagiba" na talaga ang tingin ko sa kanya. I do not trust him nor do I believe his words and promises. I merely give him the chance bec I dont want to have a "what if" in my life.

Most of the time... even when hes being very nice and sweet and pampering me with gifts... deep down inside me I feel like I hate him for simply being HIM. I hate his weaknesses and flaws and his narcissistic traits. I think he is weak for wanting to get back with me only bec he cant stand the fact that I was OK and moving on and starting to see other guys.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chloefrancynn on April 28, 2009, 01:54:47 pm
Paulo and Scorpiowolf...

Thanks,thanks so much for all the advice. I totally appreciate everything you've said. I've been dealing with this for a long time and nobody knows about it. I think my husband will never change. He was brought up that way--that it will always be the girl/wife's fault. His dad has children with other women so I guess that is how he was brought up- to think that it's the wife's fault that the husband seeks other women or engages in other activities like drinking,gambling,etc. They usually say "May diperensya yung babae..." It's the wife's fault if the husband leaves. It's the wife's fault if the marriage breaks up. Now we're back to being ok, but he still says that everything that happened last week was because of my actions. That I was the one who was being crazy. That it's my doing that I deserved all those hurtful things he said.
I'm scared to separate from him because of the impact it will have on my daughter's life. She's only 7. Right now, I'm thinking that if I sacrifice my dignity and suffer in silence during his outbursts, I'll save my daughter by giving her a complete family...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: purrple on April 29, 2009, 05:18:10 pm
Hi mga sisses, I'm new here...

May I ask if there are any female support group that we can get in touch to?  We have an officemate, battered housewife and pati yung children.  We want to help her in any way that we can.  She attempted suicide before, and we are scared that it might happen again.

Any probono lawyers handling cases like this?

I would really appreciate all the information.

Thanks mga sisses!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: kutingpie on April 29, 2009, 07:05:47 pm
^sis, try Gabriela.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on May 03, 2009, 12:18:17 am
sis chloe, i suggest that if you really want to get out of that abusive relationship, do it now.
i have been married for 16 years... my husband abused me physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. like you, i was so scared to get out-- having 3 kids and with no source of income then. my life revolved around my family-- i can't even spend time with my friends.
i was raised well-- was blessed with a comfortable life since birth. it was an everyday struggle to accept that i made a very wrong choice in life for choosing the man i married and had to live with that poor choice only God knows until when.
it's harder to get out when your kids are already at their "teens" -- when they can already express themselves well.. when they can already beg for a family that is complete. a mom would always give the last drop of her sweat, blood and tears for her children-- if you know what i mean. if they would ask for that, it's difficult to say no. even if it would mean putting your happiness aside.
God created you --- you are SPECIAL. always remember that. always remind yourself that you are better than what other people think about you.
sa totoo lang, panget asawa mo, di ba? hehe tingin ko, mga lalaking nananakit, panget saka bobo... takot silang tanggapin sa sarili nila 'yon kaya inaaway ang mga taong naka-aangat sa kanila! :D
smile ka na, sis :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chloefrancynn on May 03, 2009, 11:57:09 am
sis betrayed 0403, thanks. You know, that actually makes sense,right? Why should I wait till my daughter can actually do something if we separate? What if layasan nya pa ko if we separate when she's already in her teens...she might even do crazy things that crazy teens do. Haaayy...I'm so confused! He's just so controlling! He always says to me when I want something" Bakit,mabait ka ba?" like I've been such a bad wife! I'm gonna go crazy already! His reason for being verbally abusive is "hinihintay ko pa daw kasi sya mapuno and magalit". But I don't! That's the weird thing about it. I just shut up and keep quiet,para lang matapos na. He expects me to comfort him and make lambing...but how can I do that when he's throwing insults at me? I think he needs help,too. Reason din nya lagi is that I know naman daw na high blood sya,gagalitin ko pa sya. Hello?! Wala naman ako ginagawang masama then ang bilis bilis nya sobra magalit. Kung ma-traffic nga lang kami,magagalit na sakin kasi bakit daw dun kami dumaan,bakit ganun time kami nag-travel,everything is my fault!
Like the other day, I asked if it's ok if he fetches our daughter from the mall cause we were at Glorietta together and she wanted to go home already even though we just got there. I knew he'd be coming from work and was wondering if maybe he pass by and fetch her. He called me on the cellphone but I couldn't hear him that much. I spoke on the phone a little loudly so he could hear me,just in case. He accused me "Bakit ganyan ang tono mo sakin? Ikaw na nga nakikiusap! Bibigyan mo na nga ako ng responsibilidad! Bahala ka sa buhay mo dyan! Hindi ko sya susunduin!" Turns out,it was so traffic and he got so mad because I was asking him for a favor during rush hour. Kasalanan ko bang traffic? I explained to him that I was just talking louder baka kasi he couldn't hear me. He wouldn't listen. So he kept on saying more "crazy" stuff. So weird kasi I didn't even do anything and he was throwing insults at me!
Sis,are you still with your hubby now? Are you seeking professional help?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: betrayed0403 on May 04, 2009, 10:27:27 am
^yes, sis. i'm still with him. things changed when i got a job-- and a "life". i insisted of having a social life being 'deprived' of it for 12 years! hehe
you know, if you're with friends... you will know who you were and who you are. ;)
same here, akala ko no'n talagang wala akong kwenta eh. akala ko pangit and bobo ako. that's why it became quite hard for me to accept compliments. akala ko, bola lang ng iba... hehe
my kids are all teens. kaya sabi ko sa 'yo... harder to let go. happiness is an everyday decision. you shouldn't expect another person to make you happy. if you won't do it-- no one will do it for you.
have a life, sis! be happy :) want to talk? just PM me..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on May 06, 2009, 07:09:27 pm
^^
In as much as I commend you Chloefrancynn for being brave and determined, I have to agree with Betrayed0403. .... Nope. Not on that "Your husband is surely Ugly" part ;) but on that bit where she said that if you plan to leave your husband, the earlier you do it the better for you.

Would you believe that kids are better off with separated parents than parents who are together and fight a lot? The first one may develop certain insecurities, or needs for a perfect solid family, but ones who children who grow up with battered moms or push-over dads, suffer from far worse psychological issues. I know someone who's 12 yr old daughter blames herself for her parents constant fighting. Apparently she over-hears the parents fight. Oftentimes the dad blames her mom for stuff she failed to do for the kids like secure the school-bus service that day, talked to the teachers, get this and that. The mother naman is so vocal in telling the dad that if it weren't for her and her younger brother, she would have left him years ago. Well, that's one good example of how simply sticking together for the sake of "sticking together" does more damage than good.

Don't get me wrong, I still admire you for your courage. Very few women are as strong. And even fewer men are as determined. Fighting for your right to keep your family intact shows how selfless you are. But if you really want a "Family", then you've got to do more than just roll with the punches. You can't allow your husband to bully you into losing yourself, your place as the Mother of the family, and your self esteem.


Good luck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 22, 2009, 05:11:04 am
^^ sis Chloe... haven't been able to log in. I only got a chance to update myself now about your plight. All I can say is..."OMG long lost twin ata ng asawa ko yung asawa mo!" As in... very similar. I remember before my son and I were at a bookstore. My son who was a toddler threw a MAJOR tantrum after a few min of us arriving. So I was very upset and frantic, I called my husband and was asking him to come and pick us up already. Of course my tone was very stern, bec I was dealing with my son who was sprawled on the floor and freaking out at that very same time. OMG pag sundo sa akin, galit na galit. T*r*ntado daw ako at wag na wag na mauulit ang paggamit ko ng tono na ganun sa kanya. Di daw sya driver or utusan ko. O di ba??? sobrang similar yung kwento natin?!

hayyyyyy well let us put it this way. I am not going to sugar coat anything here. Ill admit several personal truths about leaving my abusive husband:

1. It was so difficult, to the point I thought I could die with the the pain. It was like quitting cold turkey from a drug that you know is bad for you and will kill you eventually, but you dont know why you just feel so freaking lost and unsafe without the crazy drug.

2. Expect it to be one of the toughest things you will have to face. Expect your life to be shattered. I was a plain housewife with a 2 year old boy in tow. Expect to feel lost, depressed, all of the pain. EXPECT THE WORST BUT KNOW THAT ALL PASSES IN DUE TIME. Tomorrow is always another day. So take everything one day at a time.

3. I do miss having a "family" till this very day. I do still miss him. I do still get jealous. Do I still love him? I know I do... but not blindly in the same way. Does he love me? Only he can tell, but surely he cant seem to quit wanting to get back with me but always falls short of his promises. BOTTOM LINE: Do not ever use the excuse "EH kasi mahal kom kaya di ko maiwanan" or "mahal niya lang ako kaya ako nasasaktan" In the end...LOVE DOES NOT MATTER IN THIS SITUATION. LOVE WILL NOT PROTECT YOU FROM HIS HARM.

BUT... on the brighter side of things

1. I have realized that I may be separated and come from a broken family but I am more "whole" as a person. It took time but I now feel like my old self again.

2. I feel so much stronger. In a strange way I feel proud of what I have overcome. I am not proud that I was abused and I do not say this to people. But deep down I am proud that I survived the worst part; and thankful that I got out.

3. PEACEFUL daily living! I do not live like I am "walking on eggshells." How good my day will turn out no longer depends on what the mood of my husband is. No more worrying that every single move, change in my tone, etc. etc. can send my husband into a rage. whew!

4. LAstly, I am rediscovering all the things I loved and missed about being single. More than anything I love that I only have to worry about myself and my son. I do what I want to, when I want to. Life is full of 2nd chances. Ill just have to wait and see what beautiful things life has in store for me =)

so there sis... it is going to be tough. And there is a long and winding road to recovery. I know I have a very long way to go. I have so many issues I need to deal with. For instance I have to stop giving my husband a chance! hehe but seriously,I would go through every bit of pain all over again.

Good luck!!!! Pray, pray that He will guide you to the path He wants for you. =)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Stellar27 on May 22, 2009, 05:44:16 am
pa-backread muna...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chloefrancynn on May 22, 2009, 09:06:05 pm
Sis Scorpiowolf, thanks so much for that. I especially loved the part "PEACEFUL daily living! I do not live like I am "walking on eggshells." How good my day will turn out no longer depends on what the mood of my husband is. No more worrying that every single move, change in my tone, etc. etc. can send my husband into a rage." I'm still hoping he'd somehow change :'( But I think and I know he'll never change...I just don't know until when I can keep up with him.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 23, 2009, 02:52:10 am
^ Sis Ill pray for you =) Hang in there!!! Do what you feel is right for you and your family, whether that means staying in the marriage or not. Each person is unique and each situation too. I hope the best for you. I hope your story ends well... Till now I envy sis Aquacharly whos husband made a complete turnaround. Miracles do happen sis! Hope it happens for you

. I still hope also for a miracle. Some days I want to believe my husband will really change thats why I do find myself trying to give him a chance... Some days though, I think the miracle maybe God gave me, is that I got out. Im still trying to figure that part out. In the meantime, Im just trying to live my life doing what I feel is right. And for me, right now that means really remaining separated.

In the end kasi only you will know what is right for you =) But your family and friends will be there to back you up regardless of what you decide.

Goodluck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 23, 2009, 02:55:18 am
Someone pm-ed me about Rose Yenko's contact details! Sorry to post it here but I just can't send a pm now. I dunno... maybe I have been inactive for a long time kasi. So here goes

LRI Plaza on N.Garcia St. (formerly Reposo)
       across Alliance Francaise

       0917 b512 3763
       898  3826

She's a clinical psychologist. I only visited her once, but it was a turning point in my life! I do plan on visiting her again soon.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: xthine on May 23, 2009, 08:25:41 am
^Sis, I was the one who PMed you. I'm sorry but what was that 6512? Thank you so much for the info, I will be getting in touch with her soon.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 25, 2009, 05:49:05 pm
^ sis sorry!! I just cut and paste that from what Aquacharly pm-ed my last year pa. Call the landline sis Im sure tama yan.

Nawala ko na kasi in my phone directory yung numbers nya+
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 25, 2009, 05:59:44 pm
^ I got na the cel number of Dr. Rose Yenko

here 0917-512-3763. I called her office earlier. I made an appointment. I havent seen her in exactly 1 year =) And so much has happened already. But I wanna talk to her re some of my issues post separation. Im looking forward to it.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: xthine on May 26, 2009, 12:14:03 pm
Thank you sis :) I called her yesterday and I'm meeting her tomorrow to discuss my family member's case.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: virgogirl98 on June 04, 2009, 05:27:44 am
mga sis kanino ba ako pwede humingi ng tulong about sa husband ko na bigla na lang nag-disappear! i mean wala na kami natatanggap na financial support from him since Feb. 09 ni text o tawag wala! iniwan din nya ako mag-isa na harapin lahat ng pagkakautang namin, sa bahay sa credit cards at bank loans. di rin ako matulungan ng agency nya dahil ang magagawa lang daw nila is iparating sa seaman ang concern ko na gusto ko syang makausap pero kung ayaw daw talaga ng seaman wala na sila magagawa. di ko alam bat sya nagkaganun, although ginawa na rin nya sa akin to last year, 5 months sya di nagpadala tas umuwi ng walang perang dala! punung-puno na ako sa kanya, sabi ko sa kanya bago sya umalis last oct. na wag na nya ulitin ang ginawa nya dahil ako ang hirap na hirap. pero eto na naman. gusto ko magkaharap-harap kami na may kasamang abogado or something na mangangako sya na susuportahan nya kami ng anak nya financially. yun bang mao-obliga syang magpadala sa amin. kasi sa totoo lang ang natatanggap ko lang alottment galing sa kanya, pinakamalaki na ang 1k. eh ano naman mangyayari dun? tipping kasi sya kaya sa kanya lahat napupunta ang sweldo nya.

hope someone could help me, nahihirapan na kasi ako.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: azumiii on June 07, 2009, 03:02:51 pm
how about pag case naman po ng violent na woman affecting innocent women? may advocates po ba tayo sa ganitong situations?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ishko on June 26, 2009, 02:59:39 pm
sis virgogirl, pwede ka magfile for support sa husband mo.. court na ang magsasabi kung magkano at tuwing kelan ipapadala ng husband mo ang sustento.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: dyan_sk8 on July 02, 2009, 08:53:33 am
during my college day.. i was new in the school and i have a boyfriend by next 2 months there..
i was expect he so nice.. but i failed
1st day talagang lasing na lasing ako sabi niya ihahatid niya ako sa bahay, i dont know where we go nasa taxi kasi kami.. then by the morning sa ibang bahay na ako.. nawala pa 2 phones ko at ni hindi ko alam saan sumpalok kami.. fast foward ang story..
i was a member of the organization nun tapos he also join that because of me not by the group he is so very seloso.. he try to threw my books in school while im studying, talagang tinawag pa kami ng isang teacher nun.
tapos may time din na talagang tinabi niya ako sa isang corner malapit sa school at sinisigawan at pinapa hiya sa maraming tao. malapit pa nga akong suntokin. tapos the time na ayaw ko na sa kanya as in ayaw ko na talagang hinanap niya ako at ang kaibigan ko naman talagang traidor yun at tinoro kung nasaan ako.. yun sa isang bar talagang sinasabunotan niya ako! (maraming tao) pauwi na kami at talagang sinakay niya ako sa taxi, ang driver naman kakainis kasi pera ang gusto nasisigawan na ako sa taxi.. dinala niya ako sa isang cheap na motel yata yun.. tinatago niya mga cellphone ko, sinasampal, kaya yun talagang sinisigaw ko "tulongan niyo ako" "tumawag kayo ng pulis" at saka parang may bell malapit sa door parang room boy ang tumatok.. tapos yun sumigaw ulit ng "tumawag kayo ng pulis"

for god sake dumating ang pulis mabuti nalang walang media pero na blaster siya at talangang pinakulong ko..

kaya mga sis always be alert
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: allura on July 23, 2009, 09:40:51 am
mga sissies na hindi pa nagaasawa, para malaman ninyo kung ano ang ikakalabas ng iyong bf balang araw bilang asawa ay tingnan niyo magulang niya.

Role model natin kasi ang ating magulang.  halimbawa: kapag ang pamamaraan ng pagayos ng problema nila ay marahas tulad ng pambubugbog, pagmumura, nambabato ng gamit, nagsisira ng gamit etc asahan ninyo paglaki niya gagayahin nila yon dahil yan ang nakitang nilang pamamaraan sa paglutas ng problema. Kung nagtatampuhan lang at may konting itinataas ang boses asahan mo na yan din ang gagawin nila at kung pagrarason at pinaguusapan ang pamamaraan then yan din makikita mong igagamit nila sa iyo kung paano inaayos ang problema. 

In short, nasa upbringing nila. importante yan na tinatanung ninyo sa mga bf ninyo habang maaga pa para may idea ka kung ano ang ikinalalabasan nila.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: _PopCorn_ on July 27, 2009, 10:31:44 am
Hello everyone. Need your input please. I'm not sure if tama yun thread where i'm posting this pero wala kase "Harassment" thread and I can't start a new topic since bumalik ako sa pagiging newbie (haven't posted for quite a while).

I'm not sure if I was abused but I definitely felt harassed. Here's the story:

I'm renting an apartment in a subdivision here in Manila. One early morning (around 5:30am) as I was in a hurry walking palabas ng subdivision to go to work, someone (man's voice) was calling "miss!". At first, I ignored it since I don't know who can possibly need anything from me sa lugar na yun. Except sa landlady ko, wala akong kilala dun. Then a female voice called out "miss" ren. So dalawa na sila so napalingon na ako sino tinatawag nila. Turns out ako pala. So I stopped and waited for them (isang mama in his 60's i think, kasama apo niya at yaya ng apo niya) na makalapit. Tapos he asked if ako daw nakatira dun at tinuro niya apartment ko. I said yes, then he asked if binalik ko na daw yung form. I remembered one afternoon I got this printed paper inserted sa ilalim ng gate namen reminding the residents of the subdivision na ibalik ang form (i don't what specifically was written on the form they want returned as I did not get it but I guess something about the security of the subdivision and its residents). I said nicely that "ay hinde po, hinde ko nakuha" baka yung kasama ko sa bahay me alam. Me sinabi pa sha na parang nag aantay pa daw ng last minute para i submit (hinde ko na mashado inintindi sinasabi niya kase nga nagmamadali ako). But what I noticed was the way he was talking to me, like I was stupid or something. Me kalakasan pa boses niya. But I let it go. Nagmamadali kase ako since I don't wanna be late for work. Ayun I saw a cab sa may gate, so I said sasabihin ko sa kasama ko sa bahay and I went ahead na. End of first incident.

Second incident: just this morning around the same time as the first incident

I was kinda tensed na baka ma late for work (again). Andun na ako sa labas ng subdivision sa may kanto, sa hi-way na mismo waiting for a cab. Then came from round the corner yung mama na naman na yun. He saw me so he said "ikaw yung dun nakatira kila <my_landlady's_surname> di ba?". Eto na naman yung tone ng boses niya na parang pinapagalitan ako at parang stupid ako. I said yes, ako nga. Sabi niya hinde niyo pa ren binabalik yung form. I replied nicely that I asked my housemate about it and she told me na wala naman shang nakuha. Sagot ng matanda ng pasigaw "imposible! nag door to door kame para dun!". So I didn't know what to say na kase parang na-shock ako na ang matandang tu baket ako sinisigawan. At the same time I was on the look-out for a cab to take me to work. So I thought I'll just let it go, bahala sha. Pero parang nag step back sha ulet and then told me, "Hinde ako janitor dito, I am the president of this subdivision!". Eh di na-shock ako ulet, isip ko "ano problema nito, inaano ko ba sha?". So I replied, "I know". I didn't say anything further na kase I was torn between bewilderment and being pissed na. At saka naiisip ko matanda sha wag ng patulan. At that same time I saw cab na so I hailed it. Then suddenly talagang galet na galet na sha.. sabi "Ang bastos mo ah! Bastos ka!". In my mind I was like what?? Ako??! What did I say? Nagalet ata sha lalo sa "I know". Nainsulto ba sha? What I meant by "I know" naman was that alam kong hinde sha janitor. Sa isip ko it never even crossed my mind na janitor sha kase walang janitor na mangsisita at mangsisermon. So to end it kase the cab's waiting and out of respect kase matanda sha, I replied "I am sorry sir I didn't mean to offend you. But I have to go now as I'm late for work". I was holding the passenger door of the cab this time kase baka layasan ako sa tagal ko sumakay. Lumapit pa lalo yung mama.. he stood right in front of my face and said "Where do you work? Magkano sinisweldo mo babayaran kita!!!". His breath was blowing on my face (buti hinde bad breath) na. I was torn between staying there to argue with him or leave for work. But I figured ano mahihita ko pakikipag away sa matanda, I don't wanna be late for work so I'd better leave pronto. So again I said "I'm sorry but I really have to go". Sagot niya "Bastos ka! I can have you evicted dito! Bastos ka!". He was like a lunatic shouting at me there. By that time hinayaan ko na sha at sumakay na ako. Sabi ng taxi driver "sino yun daddy mo?". Bloopers. Napailing na lang ako kase pati ibang tao naisip na kamag anak ko sha the way he shouted at me on the street. Kase nga naman sino me right at magkakarun ng guts sigaw sigawan ka sa kalye di ba kundi kamag anak mo? And I'm a full grown woman.

I felt harassed. I can't believe what happened. I prided myself on being courteous sa matatanda kase that's how I'm raised so imposibleng binastos ko sha. Me dalawang tao dun sa kanto na naghihintay ren ng masasakyan. Pinahiya niya ako. I don't know what he wanted from me, kung gusto niya tumayo ako dun at kausapin sha ng matagal? For me to stroke his ego? Apologize for whatever it is that made him mad? Well, I did apologize naman pero wala lang, he went on with his verbal abuse.

Now my dilemma is should I go to the barangay hall to report him for harassment? Unahan ko na sha? Kase iniisip ko pag uwi ko baka ipa-summon niya ako sa office ng subdivision (as him being the President *roll eyes*).

In addition, does he have the right to have me evicted sa apartment ko? Iniisip ko hinde. Kase isip ko ang landlady ko lang me karapatan palayasin ako. Subject pa yun sa rental law na kesyo dapat expire ang lease ko, 3-months advance notice, etc. Kaya lang hinde ko alam if the subdivision itself have the right to sort of nullify un lease ko and have me evicted.

Help naman for those na me alam sa mga ganito. In case we have to see each other again sa barangay or wherever, I want to know my rights. Ayokong basta ganun ganunin niya lang ako. Napaisip tuloy ako "president lang ng subd ganian na umasta. no wonder yung ibang nasa posisyon grabe ang ere". Hay.

Sensha haba ng post ko. MODs if I posted this on the wrong topic/board, please move it na lang. Thanks!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: kyuting13 on July 27, 2009, 03:06:17 pm
Sis _PopCorn_, Can I just PSYCHO!!! Paano siya naging president ng subdivision kung ganyan siya? Wala man lang trace of professionalism or GMRC. For your own protection and since you felt harassed, first approach your land lady. Tell her, baka may incident sila nung president at napagbuntungan ka. In any case, report mo pa rin sa baranggay, para kung may gawin siya ulit ireport mo ulit. No one has the right to talk to you that way, especially di naman provoked.

But you have to report it soon, kasi magiging question ang time. Kesyo bakit late mo na ni-report. Personally, I will not stand the treatment if ako ang sinigawan nya. Pwede naman maging mapagpatawad, but you also have to teach people.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: _PopCorn_ on July 28, 2009, 09:48:02 am
OMG tell me about it sis kyuting13! Talagang psycho ang dating. I wouldn't have been surprised if nag-froth yung mouth niya sa galet kase parang lunatic talaga! Yesterday after posting i was thinking of contacting my cousin na who's a lawyer but i decided against it. Not yet at least. Ayoko pa kase malaman samen na me ganung eksena. As of now, ayoko mag worry parents ko especially magalet.
 
So what I did nag research na lang ako re harassment and rental law para the next time we meet, I'll make sure he'll be aware that I know my rights and what he did is unacceptable. Yesterday kase more than anything i was SO shocked talaga by his crudeness and lack of manners. I couldn't believe talaga what's happening kase wala akong ka malay-malay dun nakatayo worrying about not being late for work pero eto ang lalakeng eto na bigla na lang harassed me, ranting like mad talaga! Yesterday I was determined to file a complaint and I was contemplating whether I should go to the barangay or derecho ako sa presinto ng police.
 
When I got home andun yung kasama ko sa bahay and after telling her what happened, she also advised me to talk to the landlady first. So we did. I asked about the infamous form and then told her what happened. Turns out talagang mayabang at bastos ang lalakeng yun. Madami nakaaway sa subdivision pati priest sa church. At me kaso ren sha ng corruption. Tinataasan fees (forgot para saan) ng mga residents tapos binubulsa lang ata. Then inangkin yung park na government and donations funded, nilagyan ng arko nakalagay surname nila. Stuff like that. Now knowing all that, I can't help but wonder baket sha pa ren ang presidente dun. Wala atang ibang interesado sa position. With that, sabi ng landlady ko wag ko daw pagpapansinin yun kase if ever gumawa daw steps yun to have me evicted sila daw ang magkikita. Minsan ren pala nagkakairingan silang dalawa. For now since ganun pala talaga kasama ugali nun at hinde yung ako lang napaginitan niya, I opted not to report muna. But the next time he do that to me again, talagang irireport ko na sha. Lalo ngayon I know talagang kalat ang pagiging walang modo niya doon.

Moral lesson saken, sh*t happens anytime anywhere. Kaya dapat lageng ready ka to uncurl your claws and bare your fangs if needed. Next time that happens dapat hinde ako madala sa gulat and not wonder if what's happening is for real. Kase talagang me mga taong gag*. And when his breath is blowing on your face na, real yun.   >:(   
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: kyuting13 on July 28, 2009, 02:20:56 pm
Sis _PopCorn_, Talagang information is the best defense. Di ka na niya kayang abusuhin kung alam mo yung rights mo. Well in the first place wala naman talaga siyang right na sigawan ka.

Hindi siguro siya napapalitan kasi walang may gustong maging presidente or walang bumubuto or kamag-anak nya ang majority ng nasa subdivision nyo haha :) That was just to make things light.

Anyway, oo, dapat wag ka papadala sa gulat. But its better di mo siya sinagot kasi you will be going down to his level. May experience nga ako sa LRT yung nagbebenta ng ticket sinigawan ako. So pumasok ako sa turnstile tapos sabi ko mag-antay ka mamaya. Pagdating ko sa office, gumawa ako ng 2 page letter sa management ng LRT at nireklamo ko siya. Pasensya na lang siya kasi kung mainit man ulo nya sa ibang dahilan, wag nyang ipasa sa akin. So my complaint was based on customer service. That same day tinawagan ako at nakipag-appointment sila. Pinagharap kami after 2 days, tapos parang ayaw nya pa magsorry. Pinahingi sya ng sorry nung admin officer. Minsan ako din nasisindak, pagnaunahan ako di na ako makasigaw pabalik. Pero pagnahimasmasan ako dun ako maghahanap ng ways to make things right (ayan hindi get even, kailangan productive pa rin ang purpose). Kasi for me the best way to get even is to make them realize ano yung maling nagawa nila at hindi yung papatulan mo sila.

Well hope that you dont have encouters with him again. :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on July 28, 2009, 06:49:17 pm
Popcorn,

Take the time to look at the form he was talking about and complete it. It should also point you to the direction of the neighborhood group he belongs to. Now go to that group yourself. Hindi lang naman siguro siya ang myembro noon. Kung siya lang, Apo niya, at Yaya ng Apo niya ang myembro noon, huwag na lang. ;) Ask for a sit down with the guy both to explain your side and to cite him for being rude to you.

Tama rin lang naman yung ginawa mo. Respecto rin sa matanda that you didn't answer back. Kung educadong tao ang naka-witness noon, they'd say na may pinagaralan ka at hindi ka basta basta sumasagot sa matanda.

May direction naman yung inquiries niya at may dahilan naman siya. What you will be pointing out lang is his inappropriate behavior. With a lot of emphasis sa power tripping tendency niya. Mas maganda pa nga pag diniresto mo sa neighborhood group ninyo para hindi ka bastos at siya naman ay naireklamo din sa pagiging grumpy niya.

Now be firm in stating your complaint against him. If for whatsoever reason you aren't satisfied, dun mo idiretso complaint sa barangay. Minor lang naman yon at paghaharapin din lang kayo pero at least patas, and you have the chance to air your side without being Intimidated into keeping mum.

Hindi ka naman niya puwede sipain. Sabi niya lang yon. Grumpy old man lang. Again, disregard mo lang comments niya but file a complaint to prevent the same thing from happening again.

 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: haiku on August 08, 2009, 12:05:50 am
I've been backreading this thread since I've found myself in a similar predicament, basically leaving an abusive relationship/ending my spirit-sapping marriage. Just would like to say thank you to all the women who have shared and taken us through their relationships, from beginning to current state, because you have given me strength to go on and hope that things will turn out well with God's help. Would also like to specially thank paulo and aquacharly for their insights which have pretty much struck at my core and brought me to certain realizations. (And I thought GT was just for beauty tips ):)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: virgogirl98 on August 12, 2009, 09:15:13 am
i just went at women & children's protection desk and a woman police officer helped me with filing a case against my husband. wala kasi ako nakukuhang financial support galing sa kanya. ang ifa-file ko is ra9262, i just need to copy the requirements like marriage contract, birth cert of our child, info sheet from poea, sinumpaang salaysay and investigation data form. yung sinumpaang salaysay and investigation form sa kanya galing. they will also assist me on filing it sa court.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: makro0920 on August 14, 2009, 03:17:25 pm
HIMs.  Virgogirl,

Puwede mo siyan kasuhan if you like para mapilitan mag-support sa inyo


mga sis kanino ba ako pwede humingi ng tulong about sa husband ko na bigla na lang nag-disappear! i mean wala na kami natatanggap na financial support from him since Feb. 09 ni text o tawag wala! iniwan din nya ako mag-isa na harapin lahat ng pagkakautang namin, sa bahay sa credit cards at bank loans. di rin ako matulungan ng agency nya dahil ang magagawa lang daw nila is iparating sa seaman ang concern ko na gusto ko syang makausap pero kung ayaw daw talaga ng seaman wala na sila magagawa. di ko alam bat sya nagkaganun, although ginawa na rin nya sa akin to last year, 5 months sya di nagpadala tas umuwi ng walang perang dala! punung-puno na ako sa kanya, sabi ko sa kanya bago sya umalis last oct. na wag na nya ulitin ang ginawa nya dahil ako ang hirap na hirap. pero eto na naman. gusto ko magkaharap-harap kami na may kasamang abogado or something na mangangako sya na susuportahan nya kami ng anak nya financially. yun bang mao-obliga syang magpadala sa amin. kasi sa totoo lang ang natatanggap ko lang alottment galing sa kanya, pinakamalaki na ang 1k. eh ano naman mangyayari dun? tipping kasi sya kaya sa kanya lahat napupunta ang sweldo nya.

hope someone could help me, nahihirapan na kasi ako.
[/quote]
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Paulo on September 17, 2009, 04:25:44 pm
^
Hello TheEmpress. Unfortunately, I'm not one, I just did a few things for such groups way, way back and only because the one who invited me had long lean legs that go on forever. ;) But I do know a few groups that can help you.

Still, from what I gathered on board I think Aquacharly refers someone who seems to have been effective in helping the other members here. I'm guessing she wouldn't mind a message from you.

Try it. .... And let me know if they have sexy, long legged pros there too. ;)

Good luck.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: theEmpress on September 25, 2009, 03:21:39 pm
paulo,

negative on the long legs... didn't think such cravings of yours would be resulting to a lot of help for people like us.

appreciate the humor though, in my circumstance it's a daunting feat to even muster a smile. it's a wonder how the stabbing pain can shrivel the spirit until nothing is left but a broken soul.

and yet life moves on... leaving people like us behind to brave the harshness on our own.

thank you for the momentary respite.  :)

Title: FATIMA UNIVERSITY: SERIAL RAPIST ON THE LOOSE
Post by: jcruz on October 10, 2009, 08:53:39 pm
I can't find the "Start a New Topic" button, so I'll just post this here...

To all those who know nursing students in Fatima University Valenzuela, please read on...A text message has been circulating today within the Fatima community which says:

"Reported on DZBB:
A graduating nursing student named RICHARD CAPISTRANO was reportedly accused of raping his co-students at OLFU Val. This student was still at large and attending review classes til now. Parents of the victim has reported the incident to the OLFu admin and DZBB radio last Friday night. Please pass. Thanks."

I know one of the victims personally and I sympathize with her and her family. The cases have been filed in court (2 counts of rape and unjust vexation) complete with evidence, medico-legal and all. Unfortunately, due to shock and confusion, the victims reported the crime weeks after and thus, the suspect was not arrested on the spot. Richard (he is better known as RC) stills roams freely in the campus and manages to laugh when he sees his victims. This rapist will be part of the graduating batch tom.

The court case will take a long time to be resolved that is why the victims and their families have appealed to the school admin to take some action. Otherwise, they will let a rapist graduate and this rapist will soon have access to see and touch his patients' bodies. This thought makes me cringe.

Unfortunately, the OLFU admin has taken the easier road and ignored the issue. According to the student handbook, violations such as bringing of liquor, joining fraternities or being publicly charged with a crime are penalized with suspension/explusion.
The victims' families have therefore taken it upon themselves to air their concerns over the radio. If Fatima University cannot protect its students, then the students better protect themselves.

Even if this guy has graduated, he will still be attending review classes in school. Female students should beware of making friends with RC Capistrano. And by the way, he doesn't just rape to relieve his urges. He shows signs of being psycho-sadist. When the two victims were able to share their ordeal, the rapist apparently had a ritual or pattern. He would hurt/hurl his victims, straddle and force his penis in the victim's mouth, then her vagina and afterwards, he would turn the light switch on and off and call out the victim's name.

Creepy.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: carmilina on October 12, 2009, 03:20:47 am
could I file a case against my bf..since he got me pregnant but I was so depress..my babay is kinda induces to get out of my womb...

so depress, hndi nya panangutan and he even told me..nakabuntis sya iba..is that a good reason para ndi nya ako panagutan??


my parents are so angry at him...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ebiko on October 12, 2009, 09:39:02 am
 

my babay is kinda induces to get out of my womb...


he got you pregnant? and the solution is -- abortion?

ilang taon ka na sis? baka ikaw ang kasuhan niyan sis, abortion is against the law, mas malaki ang pananagutan mo niyan.

take the responsibility sis, ginawa ninyo yan, maging responsible ka sa actions mo/ninyo, buhay na yung naka-salalay diyan -- kung ayaw panagutan ng ama, huwag mong ipilit, dahil baka mas lalong mahirapan ka pagdating ng araw, besides, he's not worthy to be called a father.

as for your parents -- sila ang tanging karamay mo sa ngayon, of course, galit talaga ang mga iyan sa nangyari sa yo.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: carmilina on October 12, 2009, 04:06:41 pm

he got you pregnant? and the solution is -- abortion?

ilang taon ka na sis? baka ikaw ang kasuhan niyan sis, abortion is against the law, mas malaki ang pananagutan mo niyan.

take the responsibility sis, ginawa ninyo yan, maging responsible ka sa actions mo/ninyo, buhay na yung naka-salalay diyan -- kung ayaw panagutan ng ama, huwag mong ipilit, dahil baka mas lalong mahirapan ka pagdating ng araw, besides, he's not worthy to be called a father.

as for your parents -- sila ang tanging karamay mo sa ngayon, of course, galit talaga ang mga iyan sa nangyari sa yo.


----wala na yun baby,,,sobrang depresss ko nakunan me..pero pinaalam ko sa knya  na buhay pa yun baby..

demonyo kasi yun bf ko eh.,,,ndi tao....
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ebiko on October 12, 2009, 05:23:12 pm

----wala na yun baby,,,sobrang depresss ko nakunan me..pero pinaalam ko sa knya  na buhay pa yun baby..

demonyo kasi yun bf ko eh.,,,ndi tao....

sweet revenge? hindi kaya mas masakit sa yo yun? mas mabigat din sa dibdib yan sis ...

as for the baby -- maybe, he/she wasn't really meant to be born in this world, para hindi niya maranasan ang hirap. do pray for the little angel.

sis, let go. be thankful at hindi kayo nagkatuluyan, e di sana may asawa kang demonyo ngayon.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chiqmom on October 12, 2009, 05:33:09 pm
my babay is kinda induces to get out of my womb...


----wala na yun baby,,,sobrang depresss ko nakunan me

sorry ha but i cant understand your posts. nakunan ka ba or induced abortion?  ???

sis, based from experience to ha but we cant always blame others sa mga ngayayari sa buhay natin. so what if ayaw nya panagutan? millions of women all over the world share the same problem like you, i am one of them. kung ayaw nya panagutan e d wag, walang kaso kaso but you can always seek the court to ask the man na sustentohan kayo. yun lang.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: carmilina on October 17, 2009, 01:08:27 pm
sweet revenge? hindi kaya mas masakit sa yo yun? mas mabigat din sa dibdib yan sis ...

as for the baby -- maybe, he/she wasn't really meant to be born in this world, para hindi niya maranasan ang hirap. do pray for the little angel.

sis, let go. be thankful at hindi kayo nagkatuluyan, e di sana may asawa kang demonyo ngayon.

====sobrang sakit tapos alam sa office naimn buhay pa yun baby..kasi medyo malaki pa yun tyn ako..

binilin ng mom ko..wag ikalat sa knila n [textspeak!] na yun baby..sinunod ko [textspeak!] yun payo nya,..

-sobrang sakit yun mga nangyayri sa akin ..hanggan ngyn..torture..mentally,emotionallly,psychologically..

--minsan physically dati dun sa bf ko...pero ndi namn grabeh..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: carmilina on October 17, 2009, 01:13:39 pm
sorry ha but i cant understand your posts. nakunan ka ba or induced abortion?  ???

sis, based from experience to ha but we cant always blame others sa mga ngayayari sa buhay natin. so what if ayaw nya panagutan? millions of women all over the world share the same problem like you, i am one of them. kung ayaw nya panagutan e d wag, walang kaso kaso but you can always seek the court to ask the man na sustentohan kayo. yun lang.

------nakunan sis...

---salamt sa payo, nkakahindik [textspeak!] minsan narinig ko mismo sa knya..

"palakihin mo yan, ndi yan bibigyan ng pangalan,ndi ko yan pananagutan"...

"oo naglaro [textspeak!] tyo, pinaglaruan [textspeak!] kita"..

(habang tina type ko yun mga words na sinabi nya kinikilabutan pa rin ako at naiiyak :'( :'( :'( :'()
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: nixen on November 20, 2009, 01:26:12 pm
hi to all

parang teleserye...reality show..- as in lahat ng story here inabangan ko't binasa..

u guys are all wonderful! naaliw ako ke aquacharly. so true lahat, same with paulo - one unique man alone here sharing his views and best advices, tapos si scorpion naman super honest sa bawat eksena ng laban nya at mga hindi napapaglabanan sa pag move on nya (so like me)

i know na madame tulad ko - silent viewers here..pero learning a lot.

it really hurts very rampant mga ganitong cases ng abuses especially sa mga relasyon.

our life is a gift from GOD, ingatan natin.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: loversmoon23 on December 03, 2009, 11:04:38 pm
Hi guys!

Just want to asks if you have any suggestion on where to go for a counselling or retreat?   I would like to help a friend with the same situation.  Hope you can give me contact details.  thank you!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: czariwich on December 05, 2009, 04:04:12 pm
will anyone here suggest a counselor to whom I can seek help?  i am an ofw and i believe i am a victim of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse.  i badly need help now coz it feels too difficult to let others, my friends, to truly understand my situation. thanks so much
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: bluberry322 on December 22, 2009, 10:28:11 am

   hello scorpiowolf,
   how are you now? hope you are okay..
i do have a relationship like yours and its really, really hard. in my case that i cant turn to my parents, siblings nor friends. You see, they are very much against my husband in the first place. But i do love him!
   Things started when he met this girl who's used to clinging to married men. To think that this girl only worked for us for an event for 3 days. pero grabe ang dting nya sa husband ko. Gusto n nyang maghiwalay kami despite of our 3 children.
   We are still together though every now and then, naaalala ko yun and im praying na makalimutan ko na yun and di n nya ulitin.
   hoping to hear from you.

mel
jm_blumoon@yahoo.com
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: irisheye on February 10, 2010, 02:03:20 pm
Mga sis, sa tingin niyo ba may chance pang magbago yung lalaki na minsan na kayong nasaktan physically? I want to give chance kasi sa BF ko. I know this kind of persons need counselling or to go under some therapy (???) Does anyone knows here where he should go for counselling or what kind or therapy he needs? I want to help him and he is willing to seek help just to save our relationship. Thanks..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: makro0920 on February 25, 2010, 10:51:39 am
Ms. Irish Eye

Hi sis, no they won't change, pls. mahalin mo sarili mo bago ka magsisi.  I know how much you love him. but please stop the relationship now. I am married for 11 years and tinitiis ko ito for eleven years, want to break free no guts.  Parang minsan gusto kong maglaho sa mundo with my kids to have a new life.  So please lang makaipaghiwalay ka na while its still early
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Styla on March 04, 2010, 10:39:00 pm
This thread has been very helpful to me ... this is also the reason why I opened an account here.  I have learned a lot sa lahat ng nag-share, especially kay 'AquaCharly'. 
Ngayon ko lang na-realize na my dad has verbally and emotionally abused us (mom and bro) and si mom naman napaka-controlling kapag wala dad ko, he's abroad kasi before.
They are separated now, things are better pero I want mom to attend a support group.  Parang nabuhay kasi kami sa 'suppression' rather than accepting what happened. 
Saan or sino kaya ang pwede lapitan sa ganito?  TIA 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: haiku on March 07, 2010, 01:01:20 am
Mga sis, please check in wikipedia the topic "psychological manipulation" para maging aware sa mga "tactics" na ginagamit nila to be able to continue to control and abuse you.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Ncolette on March 22, 2010, 12:57:32 am
Grabe. I was really crying while reading this..... parang I've found myself in the arms of my lola again tulad nung bata ako.

I didnt know I was being abused until I've read this. I am into a relationship right now and we have a baby girl.

I knew it all along inside of me na may mali sa amin pero hindi ko mapin-point. Basta lang I knew it was there, nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko makita. Ito pala yun. Grabe I had that feeling for like 4 years now. I have no idea I am being verbally and emotionally being abused. Wala talaga. Kaya pala kahit ilang beses nya na ako niyayang mag pakasal. Dumating na sa point na ayos na lahat pero umayaw ako kasi somehow I just felt in my heart na may mali somewhere. May mali at hindi ko lang mapangalanan.

Thank so much for ALL THE BRAVE WOMEN out there. Thanks for the Enlightenment. I'll have myself all together muna now that I know where to start. I found the last piece missing on the puzzle now.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: jcarla on March 31, 2010, 05:03:10 pm
hi miss my alam ka retreats para sa mga victims ng psychological violence and emotional abuse :'( thanks :) :
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: jcarla on March 31, 2010, 05:11:40 pm
my ex boyfriend.. nag file ako ng against him sa isang volunteer agency na my VAW :) 3 months [textspeak!] kmi pero magkakilala kami ng 6 mos ..he is my first boyfriend kaya sobra depression naranasan ko.ginamit nya [textspeak!] ako. DECEPTION lahat.. nakilala ko sya na di pala yun ang real name nya, di pala dun sya ngwowork at worst ay may anak na pala sya pero di cla married ng mother ng anak nya...nung una akala ko totoo lahat [textspeak!] super sweet nya na tlaga feel ko na gustong gusto nya ako... bigla na [textspeak!] sya nwala.. i keep on calling him sa phone.. pero pinagmumura nya lang ako.. tenxt nya ako ng sobra sasakit at bastos na salita na nakakawala ng respeto sa sarili. and then one day.. bigla na lang sya nagtext na ipapatay daw nya ko.. sinundan nya ko one time papasok sa work.. binabantaan nya ko,, [textspeak!] may takot sya na baka isumbong ko sya sa family nya.. pero wala naman ako ginagawa. pero ngyon tumigil na sya di na sya nagttxt.. girls tama ba ginagawa ko, tama lang ba maramdaman ko ang galit at gumanti para makulong sya...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: corcor on April 13, 2010, 01:06:02 pm
Under NO circumstances should ANY form of abuse be tolerated! You can go to these orgs for help:

Read up on the:
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN & CHILDREN Republic Act No. 9262
otherwise known as the “Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004”

Agency : Ateneo Wellness Center
Address : Alingal Hall, Ateneo de Manila, Quezon City
Tel. # : 426-60-01 loc. 4022,4023
Services : Psychological testing, therapy & counseling for Kids (4yr- up)
and Adult by appointment
Schedule : Monday - Friday (8:00-5:00 PM)
Contact : Lerma Rasco, Secretary Dr. Ma. Emma Conception-Liwag Exec. Director
Terms : Depends on level; P400-800 per session

Agency : Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM)
Address : Loyola House of Studies, Ateneo, Quezon City
Tel. # : 426-42-89 to 98 fax : 426-4285 Service : face-to-face counseling by appointment
Schedule : Monday to Friday 8:00 - 6:00 PM Saturday 8:00 - 5:00 PM
Contact : Mrs. Socorro P. Mirabueno -Exec. Director
Terms : By donation

Agency : Women's Action Helpline
Tel. # : 430-4207 / 430-4205
Schedule : Monday - Friday ( 9:00- 5:00 PM)
Services : Women's issues

Agency : Crisis Line
Tel. # : 893-76-03
Schedule : (Monday-Friday 9:00am-4:00pm)
Services : General counseling /referrals

Agency : Cristo Rey c/o ATENEO
Contact : Fr. Ted Gonzales
Tel. No. : 426-42-86
Services : Support group for male sex addicts

Agency : Crusade Against Violence
Tel No. : 810-54-97 to 98 / 810-55-01 / 810-5842

Agency : Helpline
Tel # : 5255845
Service : Child Abuse, Violence Against Women Counseling

Agency : Incest Survivor's Support Group
Tel. # : 924-95-74

Agency : Kalakasan
Contact : Anna Leah Sarabia, Executive Director
Tel. # : 433-28-03 / 921-22-22
Schedule : Mondays - Fridays (8:00 - 6:00 PM)
Services : Medical & legal referral, shelter for battered women

Agency: University of the Philippines-Philippine General Hospital (UP-PGH) Women's Desk
Address: Emergency Room Complex, Taft Avenue, Manila 1000
Contact Person: Ms. Bernadette R. Albino
Medical Social Worker
Telephone Numbers: 524-2990 / 521-8450 local 3072
Services: Case Management of Survivors of violence, Medical Management, Supporting services and referrals, Training on gender sensitivity and violence against women, Development of institutional guidelines and protocol, Curriculum deveopment, Paralegal counseling, Psychosocal interventions: (1) Individual and group therapy, (2) Crisis counseling, (3) Stress management, (4) Advocacy, (5) Research, (6) Supervision.
E-Mail Address: womens_desk@yahoo.com
Agency : Women’s Action Helpline
Telephone : 430-4207
Schedule : Monday-Friday 9:00-5:00 PM
Services : Abuse of women in intimate relationship

Agency : Women’s Crisis Center
Address : 7th / f East Ave. Medical Center East Ave. Diliman Hills, Quezon City
Tel. # : 924-9315
Hotlines: 922-5235, 926-7744
Schedule : Mondays - Fridays 8:00 - 6:00 PM
Services: Face to face Counseling, Telephone Counseling
Temporary Shelter for victims, Medico Legal Assistance, Legal Assistance, Survivors support group
Type of Client: Women Only
Referral Requirement: Referral Letter
Case study with all necessary documents attached to it.

Agency : Women's Legal Bureau
Address : 11 Matimtiman St., Teacher’s Village, UP Diliman, Q.C.
Tel. # : 921-38-93 / 921-80-53
Fax # : 921-43-89
Contact : Atty. Evalyn Ursua ( Exec. Director)

Agency :Center for the Prevention & Treatment of Child Sexual Abuse ( CPTCSA)
Address: 122-C Matahimik St., UP Village Q.C.
Tel. #: 434-75-28 to 36 , 414-47-61
Schedule: Open from Monday to Friday 8:00 am to 5:00 pm
Services : Individual Therapy
Group Therapy on Child Sexual Abuse
Consultation fee: P130.00 (Case to case
basis)
Age of Client : 18 yr. old and below
(Male and Female)
Sessions are scheduled upon appointment

Agency : Bantay Bata Foundation, Inc.
Address: ABS CBN Compound, Mother Ignacia cor Sct. Albano. Q.C.
Hotline: Bantay Bata 163
Schedule: open 24 hrs a day
Services : Phone Counseling, Face to face Counseling, Child Abuse, Medical Assistance to any ailments, Temporary shelter (For rescued children only), Family Counseling, Group & Individual Therapy
Age of Client: 12 yr. Old and below (Male and Female)

Agency: AMANG RODRIGUEZ MEDICAL CENTER
Address: Sumulong Highway, Sto. Niño, Marikina City
Tel No: 941-3441, 942-0097
Servces: Medical Assistance, Counseling, Referral
Referral Requirements: Referral letter (in case of inter-agency case referral) to be addressed to the Medical Director thru the Medical Social Service Head)

Agency: AMRSP – WOMEN AND GENDER COMMISSION
Address: 1348 Quinto cor Ma.Clara Sts., Sampaloc, Manila
Tel No: 712-9084, 742-7826
Education (information and seminars), Campaigns on Status of women, Research (specifically abuses/violation Within the catholic church), Resource Center, Shelter for Survivors (a day or two or Prayers/reflections), Pastoral care

Agency: BUKAL, INC.
Address: 55 K-7th Street West Kamias, Quezon City
Tel No: 433-6235, 0919-4251841
E-mail Address: bukal_qc@yahoo.com

Agency: CRIBS PHILIPPINES, INC.
Address: 30 Major Dizon Street Industrial, Valley Complex, Marikina City
Tel No: 681-5921, 681-8087
Services: Treatment, Healing and recovery (psychosocial & adjunctive therapies) for both children and families, Education and legal assistance, medical, dental, Group home living program, Aftercare (post residential care) services
Requirements: Birth certificate, legal documents, general medical exam, psychiatric screening, referral letter and case study report

Agency: COMMISSION ON HUMAN RIGHTS (CHR)
Address: UP Complex Commonwealth, Avenue, Diliman, Q.C.
Tel No.: 928-6098
Services: Provides legal assistance to women victims of violence

Agency: D2KA- District 2 Kababaihan Laban sa Karahasan
Address: Blk. 13 Unit 9 Row House Pilot Area, Bgy. Commonwealth
Quezon City
Tel No: 430-9009, 953-7118
Services: Counseling, Referral, Temporary Shelter, Combat-VAW module, Stress management training, Care for caregivers training

Agency: Department of Interior and Local Government – NCR
Address: 265 LMP Building Ermin Garcia, Street Cubao, Quezon City
Tel No: 912 –8962, 912-8965, 912-8967
Services: Gender and development program where VAW is one of the concerns and issues for the whole region

Agency: Euphrasian Crisis Center
Address: Good Shepherd Convent 1043, Aurora Boulevard Cubao,
Quezon City
Tel No: 913-6433, 913-6437
Services: Temporary shelter Counseling center
Requirements: Case study and guardian

Agency: Family and Community Healing Center (FCHC)
Address: C.P. Garcia Avenue cor. C.V., Francisco St., Baranggay U.P.
Campus Diliman, Quezon City
Tel No.: 426-9779
Services: One-on-one counseling with follow-up home visit for women and men and children, Information distribution on VAW awareness

Agency: KANLUNGAN CENTER FOUNDATION
Address: 77-K 10th cor J-J Streets Kamias, Quezon City
Tel No: 928-2384,433-0953
E-mail Address: kcfi@philonline.com.ph
Services: Feminist Counseling, Education, Support Group, Temporary Shelter, Welfare Assistance, Legal Assistance
Requirements: Letter, Simple phone call and case study (if available)

Agency: LINGAP Foundation
Address: 105 P. Aquino Avenue Barangay Longos, Malabon City
Tel No: 288-5120, 285-6494
E-mail Address: lfi97@info.com.ph
Services: Psychosocial intervention, Counseling, Referral, Information education and training
Requirements: Case Study and Referral Letter

Agency: PNP – Women’s Crisis and Child Protection Center
Address: PNP-WCCPC Camp Crame, Quezon City
Tel No: 723-0401 loc 3697, 415-4908 loc 3699
E-mail Address: wccpc_2001@yahoo.com
Services: Conducts appropriate police investigation of all cases involving violence against women and children, Provides highest standards of medico-legal, psychological/psychiatric counseling services to victims of VAWC, Maintains strengthens coordination and other agencies concerned and protection of women and children, Files VAWC cases with the clouts and does tracking and follow-ups

Agency: Quezon City – Social Services Development (QC-SSDD)
Address: Quezon City Hall Molave, Compound, Diliman Quezon City
Tel No: 927-1588, 924-1412, 924-1440
Services: Counseling, Temporary shelter, Referral, After care/Monitoring
Referral Requirements: Case Summary

Agency: Red Cross Welcome Center for Women
Address: Philippine National Red Cross, Bonifacio Drive, Port Area Manila
Tel No: 5278384 loc 126
Services: Temporary Shelter, Home life management, Medical services, Guidance and Counseling, Livelihood skills training, Referral
Referral Requirements: Case study report, referral letter, laboratory, examination results on urinalysis, CBC Hepatitis B and Ultrasound

Agency: SALIGAN
Address: GroundFloor Hoffner Building, Ateneo de Manila University
Quezon City
Tel No: 426-6124
E-mail Address: saligan@saligan.org
Services: Direct legal service, Litigation assistance, consultations, preparations of pleadings, court appearances, Publication – VAW manual and other publications, Education-paralegal training on VAW, Police advocacy
Referral Requirements: Partners referral – referral endorsement primarily VAW related cases

Agency: The HAVEN – National Center for Women
Address: Northgate Avenue, Filinvest, Corporate City, Alabang
Munitinlupa City
Tel No: 807-1586
Services: Residential care, Medical services, Maternal and child care, Self-enhancement and skills development, Livelihood skills development, Legal services, Counseling, Case work/group work, Others: transportation, non-formal education
Referral Requirements: Social case study, Report, Medical abstract records and referral letter

Agency : In Touch Foundation
Address : 48 A McKinley Road, Forbes Park, Makati City
Tel. # : 893-18-93 or 893-76-06
Services : Face-to-face counseling by appointment
Schedule : Monday - Friday ( 9:00 - 5:00 PM)
Terms : P1,500.00 per session/hour

Agency : Natasha Goulbourn Foundation
Address : Suite 209, LRI Design Plaza, 210 nicanor Garcia Street, Makati
Tel. # : 897-2217
Services : free seminar on depression
Schedule : Monday to Friday ( 8:00 - 5:00 PM)
Contact : Ms. Frances Lim
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: evilwoman on April 13, 2010, 05:32:28 pm
mga sis question po, kapag ba bago pa lang kayong kasal at ang feeling mo din is walking on eggshells ka (kapag kasi either nabagalan sya sa kilos mo, or di mo agad nasagot tanong nya, or pagod sya, or may ikinagalit sya sa opisina, or nainis sa traffic, or masakit ang ulo more likely masisinghalan ka). is that considered as verbal/emotional abuse or adjustment phase lang ng marriage?
as in cautious ka parati sa actions mo dahil iwas ka na maginit ang ulo nya but still, may bagong incident na dadating na ikakagalit nya so back to square one ka.
di ko kasi madistinguish kasi madami ako nababasa dito na aso't pusa noong bagong kasal pa lang at ganito din generally sa kinalakihan ko so i don't know kung normal ba sa mag-asawa ito or what.
lately kasi ang bigat-bigat na sa kalooban kapag napapagsalitaan nya ko and something inside me tells me na i don't deserve this kind of treatment..  :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: luckypal on April 14, 2010, 03:35:20 pm
I felt so sad reading all the posts on this thread. I can't believe that so many women are suffering in silence out there!

My question is, once you get out of the abusive relationship, how can you make sure that the next person you end us with isn't like your ex? Sometimes it's hard to tell a person's character kasi eh. You just might end up in the same situation again but with another person :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: corcor on April 14, 2010, 06:04:12 pm
Let go of old baggage, heal emotional wounds, focus first on self-improvement & empowerment, if not you will continue to face experiences of re-living the very things you fear about love. Yes these wounds are painful, but there is no need to keep re-living the same abandonment, abuse, and disappointments. Whatever is unresolved from the past will continue to present itself until you have transcended and healed it. Take note of the issues and patterns that you've encountered in your relationships.

Work on making yourself whole first and don't look for ‘that perfect someone’ to "complete" you, if you are not complete you won’t attract and maintain a relationship that fills in our insecurities. In fact you will attract a relationship that forces you you to face your fears & insecurities. Relationships act as mirrors that reveal things about yourself in order for you to work on your issues.

The only way we can maintain a healthy relationship is to know and hold our self-worth, self-love and self-respect and not need that void filled by another person. Learn to be happy even when you're single. Stand up to your partner and tell them what you will not take, you will only be abused if you allow it to happen.

Love and work on yourself first then you will attract the right partner that treats you with love, respect and honor. Do what makes YOU happy. :)  We all make mistakes, learn from them, let go of the past and move on to living life to the fullest :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: fegloria1954 on April 15, 2010, 10:38:04 am
I felt so sad reading all the posts on this thread. I can't believe that so many women are suffering in silence out there!

My question is, once you get out of the abusive relationship, how can you make sure that the next person you end us with isn't like your ex? Sometimes it's hard to tell a person's character kasi eh. You just might end up in the same situation again but with another person :(

luckypal, more often than not it usually is like jumping out of the frying pan into the burning fire...................
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: luckypal on April 16, 2010, 10:50:49 am
^ yeah, I think it's hard to shake off some bad habits. I think we should work on using our BETTER judgment and learn how to discern the good men from the bad boys.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: boogieston on April 21, 2010, 04:58:18 pm
yung past labandera namin, binubog siya ng asawa niya pag hindi siya nakakapagbigay ng money na pang-inom nung husband niya (walang trabaho yung husband). We finally convinced her to leave her husband, and na-report na sa barangay yung husband niya. She's happier than ever today. ;)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: messe.besse on April 28, 2010, 10:38:58 am
to our sisses--

my mom just came home from abroad, and told us that our sister there has been mentally, emotionally, and maybe physically abused by her husband.

when they were in another state living separately from our aunts, my mom would visit them to take care of her newborn daughter..they were okay then but i think the guy has another woman (hence the pleasing mentality of my sister?).

they had a nice opportunity to own a partnership in a company so they moved to another state and eventually moved back to their original state because the guy just don't want the job (now he's jobless with my sister being the breadwinner; she also got the highest paid ever since and was able to land a green card for them).


mom witnessed these scenarios:

1) whenever my sister would not give him the immediate attention, the guy would count 5.4.3...and she would be in panic mode to give him the attention he wants

again when she was bedridden with her 2ndth (slipped on her 7th month), the guy would call her to come and should be there at his side in 21...20...(counting)

2) one time, wee hours in the morning, the guy would grab a guitar, play it and sing

3) my mom finally asked the guy if he's really like that, and the guy answered back that what you see is what u get.

my sister then fought with my mom after that on not to meddle with their affairs, because she's happy.


anyways, my question po, hope its alright....na, how do you help someone who doesn't recognize there is a problem
she could be pleasing the guy because he is probably seeing another woman (and that he would not leave her); or staying because she doesn't want to break her family and have her 2 children grow up without a father?  tia.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: gnrn_026 on April 29, 2010, 09:57:02 am
to our sisses--

my mom just came home from abroad, and told us that our sister there has been mentally, emotionally, and maybe physically abused by her husband.

when they were in another state living separately from our aunts, my mom would visit them to take care of her newborn daughter..they were okay then but i think the guy has another woman (hence the pleasing mentality of my sister?).

they had a nice opportunity to own a partnership in a company so they moved to another state and eventually moved back to their original state because the guy just don't want the job (now he's jobless with my sister being the breadwinner; she also got the highest paid ever since and was able to land a green card for them).


mom witnessed these scenarios:

1) whenever my sister would not give him the immediate attention, the guy would count 5.4.3...and she would be in panic mode to give him the attention he wants

again when she was bedridden with her 2ndth (slipped on her 7th month), the guy would call her to come and should be there at his side in 21...20...(counting)

2) one time, wee hours in the morning, the guy would grab a guitar, play it and sing

3) my mom finally asked the guy if he's really like that, and the guy answered back that what you see is what u get.

my sister then fought with my mom after that on not to meddle with their affairs, because she's happy.


anyways, my question po, hope its alright....na, how do you help someone who doesn't recognize there is a problem
she could be pleasing the guy because he is probably seeing another woman (and that he would not leave her); or staying because she doesn't want to break her family and have her 2 children grow up without a father?  tia.


grabe yan.. d kaya my mental disorder yung guy? ang bait ng aunt mo at natitiis nya.. mahal nya tlaga siguro un guy.. dadating din [siguro yun araw na marerealize ng aunt mo na ayaw na nya and pagod na sha.. as of now, baka nagbubulagbulagan pa sha..
and kaya siguro sha nagsstay eh, both reasons she's pleasing the guy bec he's seeing another woman and she dont want to break her family.. db.. for me ha, mhrap nman tulungan ang taong ayaw magpatulong..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 05, 2010, 01:46:10 am
Hi! Grabe super tagal na since I posted here. So weird though, I started this thread 2 yrs ago. And now when I backread at all my previous posts, gosh it seems like another person was talking back then!!

All I can say is that... WOW, Ive come a long way from that time. Now, I am happy and adjusted to my new life. I feel like i am a totally different person when i backread. I suppose time does do miracles and wonders in healing us.

Hang in there to people going through a tough time. I do not regret ever leaving my husband, and I am reminded of that when I visit this thread.

Thank God, I have so many blessings that have come my way the past 2 years. My child is growing up well. I had already filed for my annulment. Made many friends in the past year. Also, me being the typical housewife back then is slowly learning and working on being financially independent. I am so lucky I have the support of my family and God has seemed to give me many opportunities to save up even if my ex has stopped supporting mu child. Most importantly, I dont take crap now from anyone, even other people i date hehe.

I still believe that families belong together and that marriage is utterly sacred. However, if you come to a point that you a losing yourself already and you feel like you are going to "die" from all the unhappiness and pain... then maybe you should re-think the situation. Hwever, get proper advice. It came to a point, for me that even a priest told me in a confession that God does not intend for me to be unhappy and that If my ex wont change, then I should consider getting a church annulment lest my child suffer more.

Good luck to everyone!!!! I wish everyone all the peace, happiness, and success
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on May 05, 2010, 01:59:52 am

   hello scorpiowolf,
   how are you now? hope you are okay..
i do have a relationship like yours and its really, really hard. in my case that i cant turn to my parents, siblings nor friends. You see, they are very much against my husband in the first place. But i do love him!
   Things started when he met this girl who's used to clinging to married men. To think that this girl only worked for us for an event for 3 days. pero grabe ang dting nya sa husband ko. Gusto n nyang maghiwalay kami despite of our 3 children.
   We are still together though every now and then, naaalala ko yun and im praying na makalimutan ko na yun and di n nya ulitin.
   hoping to hear from you.

mel
jm_blumoon@yahoo.com
\

So sorry I just read your message!! I hardly log in any more. i feel bad for what you are going through. I truly hope that the womanizing of your husband was an isolated case.

On my end kasi, I could have easily forgiven any indiscretion on ex's part. He really did try to straighten up. In fact, he never had a girl the last yr of the marriage (except when were separated, then he goes on a spree). However, i simply could not take his character/temperament and I know you simply cannot change a person's character. You can always change the lifestyle but your personality is your personality.

There are many retreats you can attend and counseling services that might help. My ex and I attended several. You can check in Ateneo CEFAM (its the most affordable one althoug I personally did not like their style) Or you can ask spiritual communities that give marriage encounters for troubled marriages such as a Marriage Encounter/Family Encounter. I heard Retrouvaille does wonders. I dont have the contact no. but you can google it. Also try the other counselors that have been recommended here. More than anything, better to EXHAUST all possibilities of working it out by getting good, unbiased guidance and advice. If it doesn't work out in the end, at least you know you did everything possible to save your marriage.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sonncza on May 14, 2010, 11:28:59 pm
im glad tapos na kame sa stage ng bf ko na away ng away, nakakapagod talaga!!!! hehe, sana maget over nyo din tong stage na ganto,
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scrapbookjunkie on May 15, 2010, 06:42:21 pm
pa join lang. i turned 30 this year and since then i've been feeling confused- sad and siguro minsan depressed. siguro it's the thought of being single,
 or baka naburn out na sa work (being working freelance since 2006), am thinking of going back to corporate ulit (inisip ko baka kelangan ko lang change of pace, in constant presence with other people-i work at home kasi). plus some not so good memories have started to crop up to the point na nagiging insomniac na ako. i used to be not this and i so badly want to get out of this funk.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: emsydemsy on May 20, 2010, 11:13:32 am
to our sisses--

my mom just came home from abroad, and told us that our sister there has been mentally, emotionally, and maybe physically abused by her husband.

when they were in another state living separately from our aunts, my mom would visit them to take care of her newborn daughter..they were okay then but i think the guy has another woman (hence the pleasing mentality of my sister?).

they had a nice opportunity to own a partnership in a company so they moved to another state and eventually moved back to their original state because the guy just don't want the job (now he's jobless with my sister being the breadwinner; she also got the highest paid ever since and was able to land a green card for them).


mom witnessed these scenarios:

1) whenever my sister would not give him the immediate attention, the guy would count 5.4.3...and she would be in panic mode to give him the attention he wants

again when she was bedridden with her 2ndth (slipped on her 7th month), the guy would call her to come and should be there at his side in 21...20...(counting)

2) one time, wee hours in the morning, the guy would grab a guitar, play it and sing

3) my mom finally asked the guy if he's really like that, and the guy answered back that what you see is what u get.

my sister then fought with my mom after that on not to meddle with their affairs, because she's happy.


anyways, my question po, hope its alright....na, how do you help someone who doesn't recognize there is a problem
she could be pleasing the guy because he is probably seeing another woman (and that he would not leave her); or staying because she doesn't want to break her family and have her 2 children grow up without a father?  tia.

mahirap kung ayaw nya i-face yung reality that what the husband is doing is hurting her mentally/physically. but time will change things...mahirap man sabihin pero one day gigising na lang sa katotohanan yung sis mo and sya na mismo aalis.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: kneekee on May 30, 2010, 12:51:32 am
I thought ending the relationship with my ex-bf/ father of my kids would stop all those physical, emotional and verbal abuse. But it was just what I thought. He still continued doing all those to me. What can I do with it?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: _katelicious_ on June 04, 2010, 05:06:56 pm
^ If you have evidence to that effect, why don't you file a case against him?  Acceptance fee is 40k to 80k, depending on the caliber of the lawyer that you will get.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: mooncake and leaves on June 17, 2010, 12:58:14 pm
is it possible to contact a mental/psych facility and have them pick up someone? the person used to abuse drugs but now, he's an alcoholic who goes violent with or without alcohol. he has threatened to hurt his own mom, kill his siblings and his relatives and destroy property, set stuff on fire. this has been going on for years and the emotional/psychological damage is just getting worse.

tia.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: MyPolaris on September 17, 2010, 04:24:54 pm
Hi mga sis,

I just dont know who to talk to.
My husband, (separated but not legally) verbally abused me. Can't go into details pero.. siya yung tipong.. do this and do that..
Kahit galing akong work paguwi ko, pag nagkwento siya I need to answer him lively. If magpapatawa siya I need to laugh as in tawa talga kundi magagalit siya. Tapos maliit lang kasi salary ko nun. Pero lahat ng grocery namin, pang alis, pang gift, etc half half kami. Kung wala ako pera ililista niya and ppirmahan ko everytime na mbayaran ko siya. Pag dating sa pera mejo madamot siya. So lumaki ng lumaki utang ko. Minsan ayaw ko ng gumastos pero hindi pede kasi dapat bilhan yung family niya ng ganito.. tapos pag christmas dapat lahat ng relatives na nasa province papadalhan niya ng gift pero sa family ko isang gift lang sa buong family. Sa family niya dapat isa isa talga. So lumaki utang ko sakanya. And marami pang weird na ugali. Love na love niya family niya.. tipong late nako nasa door nako, sasabihin sakin, "Nagkiss ka na ba saknilang lahat?" "Balik ka dun paalam ka sakanilang lahat. :'(
So I decided to leave him after 1 and half year. I find him super weird na kasi and pag gising ko one day parang ayaw ko na. Para akong t a n g a kasi.
The problem is.. hinaharass niya and may grave threat pa. Sabi niya may nakaline up na siyang plan for me and my family. As in hirap na hirap ako.
Dahil sa mga threats niya and harassment nagfile ako ng annulment. Sobrang nagalit siya. Kaya pinapunta ako sa ibang bansa ng parents ko. Last week pinabarangay niya ako. SO today pinatatwag ako. Daddy ko pumunta. Meron siyang dalang abugado which parang akala niya stupid daddy ko. Sabi daw nung abugado kay daddy kahit magasawa pera ay pera kung may utang kailangan bayaran if hindi pedeng kasuhan. Sa mga ganun okay lang pero kasi lahat ng friends ko kinokontact niya tapos kinukwneto niya na super bait daw siyang asawa at hindi niya alam kung bakit ako nakipagseparate... tapos tatawag siya samga ka aquaintance ni daddy sa work. Tapos sinsabi na walang permit. Or manloloko daw tatay ko. And alam niyo its been 7 months na ganito. Gusto ko bumalik jan pero I can't kasi one time nakita niya ako ayun nakahwak sa braso ko ayaw bitawan tapos sabi niya kahit mag cr daw ako suunod siya. Buti nalang nakatakas ako i was with my friend kasi pinagisahan namin siya. Basta long story kung ikkwento ko pa.
 
Mga sis ano ba pede kong gawin I can't hide from him forever. Ayaw ko na kasi namin ng family ko ng gulo so hindi kami nagdedemnada. or ipabarangay siya kasi baka lalo magalit at kung anong gawin.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: evilwoman on September 23, 2010, 04:17:55 pm
^ sis file a restraining order.. iba-ibang level yan e pero pwede ispecify na bawal ka lapitan/tawagan pati family mo. pwedeng umabot sa permanent status ang restraining order. once na di sya tumupad, yari sya.. tsaka mukhang pasok sa violence against women yang ginagawa nya.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chengkii on September 23, 2010, 08:51:53 pm
Tama si sis EVILWOMAN, file a Restraining Order. Harassment iyan. Diba you filed for Legal Separation na naman. So, pwede mo di i-establish doon na psychologically challenged siya.

Iyun ginagawa niya sa dad mo, pwede ng dad mo i file ng slander iyun...at the same time, hingi na din ang dad mo ng TRO para hindi na siya makalapit.

Good luck, sis.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: evilwoman on September 24, 2010, 08:30:48 am
tsaka based sa kwento mo sis MyPolaris, mukha namang mas malakas ang peso power nyo kesa sa lalaking yan. wag kayong papasindak. puro hangin lang yan. dala ka ng pepper spray paguwi mo dito sa pinas.  ;D
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: MyPolaris on September 27, 2010, 05:32:46 pm
thank you sis EVILMAN and sis Chengkii.

Sana nga mga sis. I know hindi naman niya kami ipapatay or isasaktan. But I know gusto niya mag suffer kami.

Grabe alam niyo yun, I never thought na kaya niyang gawin sakin ito.

Update ko lang kayo: Nagbigay letter daddy ko written by our atty, na there's nothing true sa complain niya. Ayun, sabi ni ex, ipapakulong daw niya ako for sure. Dadalhin daw niya sa high court. Hindi ko lam kung matatawa ako or maiinis ako.
Kasi si ex he tried, suhulan yung barangay para maglabas daw ng order na pabalikin ako ng pinas.
Mi god.. as in mga sis?? Okay lang siya, sa barangay..?? sinuhulan pa niya?? may order na pabalikin ako..??

Nananahimik siya now, but i dont know kung ano pa gagawin niya. Inaayos na daw nila ng abugado nyia eh. Maghanda daw kami ng abugado na magaling. Kita nalang daw kami sa court.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: chengkii on September 27, 2010, 07:37:14 pm
Kaya ba ninyo ipa-document iyun statement na naglagay sa barangay? Pati bgy captain sasabit doon. Kung ma prove naman na di totoo, sira na din angf credibility niya agad.
Sis, huwag ka paapekto as much as possible. Mas kailangan mo ipakita sa parents mo ngayon na malakas ka. They will draw strength from u din.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: oracLe on October 08, 2010, 10:46:47 am
I have an ex who physically hurts her sister. 18 na yong sister nya...meron ba ako yung magreklamo for his sister? Kasi helpless sakanila yong sister nya e. Btw, alien sila dito, my ex and her sister. What can I do for her?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: joyceinheels on December 28, 2010, 12:04:21 am
Hi, you may report all violence inflicted against women to Women and Child Protection Desks (Women's Desks) found in ALL police stations in the country.

Now, if you don't want to go through this, it will be best if you walk out of the relationship while you still can. Love yourself; be good to your self. A man who is abusive will NEVER change.

As for those who are still dating, my advice is for you to observe how he treats the women in his family -- including the maids. This will tell you how he's going to treat you as a partner.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Angela_Gayle on January 05, 2011, 06:13:32 pm
pwede ba magsumbong sa women's desk kapag nakakatanggap ako ng harassing texts and calls from my ex-husband? ano ang pwede isampang kaso dun?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ladymarmalade on January 24, 2011, 11:57:39 pm
My mom suffered under an abusive husband- unfortunately my father. Verbal, emotional, financial & physical. My siblings and I had our share of verbal abuse as well pero iba pa rin pag nakikita at naririnig mong ginagawang abuso ng tatay mo sa nanay mo. Sobrang dami ng emotions, puro negative it gets really overwhelming and most of the time hahanap ka talaga ng ibang channel para maka-escape, para lang hindi mo maisip yung abuse. I swear everytime it happens, my heart pounds, actually konting taas lang ng boses ng tatay ko kumakabog na dibdib ko kasi i dread yung mga susunod na mangyayari. Kahit asa 20's na ako kapag ayan na naman iyong abuse, it still scares me a lot so imagine what it's like to children. Aside sa fear, I felt anger, hatred, frustrations, outrage, bitterness.  Just recently, hinambalos balos nya yung nanay ko dahil pinagbintangan nyang nagnakaw kuno ng money sa kanya. The images, after it happened, just kept playing in my head. Kahit asa work ako in the middle of work bigla na lang syang magrreplay. Parang scene lang sa movie na pinapanuod ko. For 1 whole week ganun.

Yung commercial sa QTV 11 about violence and abuse sa women actually ang nagmulat sa mga mata ko. Iyong commercial na may 2 guy sa cr tpos yun isang guy sinisiraan yung wife niya, nagulat ako don kasi kun yun nga pwede ng matawag na abuse what more pa iyong ginagawa ng asawa ng nanay ko sa kanya. After that, nag research ako sa net about abuse, lo and behold my mother is a battered wife. And 95% of decription of traits/characteristics of an abusive husband makikita mo sa tatay ko. Why did it took us so long to admit it? Because deep inside we were wishing it wasn't what it really seems to be or maybe because it's an everyday thing for us, akala namin iyon ang normal.

Right now he left us for his kabit, i dont care. I prefer it that way cos he can never again hurt us.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: stunning_anne on January 31, 2011, 07:49:12 am
ask ko lang paano kapag yung ex mo he is verbally abusing and sinisiraan ang puri at dangal mo, ano ang pwedeng legal action dun mga sis? grabe kasi paninira ng ex ko.. pati sa facebook.. i have proofs and evidences para makadiin sa kanya.. please help..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: jeitee on February 21, 2011, 02:47:57 pm
i'm emotionally abused by my EX-bf who kept seeing me  because we have a child... kesyo ang lakas ko daw manlalake! at kung anoano pa! i kept up with him for 13 yrs (mga 18yrs sana pero my feelings changed 5 yrs ago).. he's a drug user eversince i met him... i frequent rehab and prison... mahabang pagtitiis at katangahan unti i got pregnant 8yrs ago... hindi pa rin siya nag-mature.. until last night na meron siyang mga binitiwang salita na sumabog talaga dibdib ko... i hit him! yes, because i can't take all the emotional trauma na he's giving me all these years... hindi man nya ako sinasaktan physically pero grabe naman yong mga salita nya at mga binibintang sa akin na hindi ko alam kung san nanggagaling... namamaga ngayon ang kamay ko dahil sa pagkakasuntok ko sa kanya... and planning na ipa-blotter ko siya.. sa barangay ba o pulis? baka kasi gumanti siya sa akin sa ibang bagay, mabuti ng naipa-blotter ko na siya...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: klm_0217 on March 27, 2011, 04:12:29 am
i am hoping na lahat tayo na nakakadanas ng ganitong klaseng abuse ay makawala na sa bangungot na eto...helpful na may ganitong klaseng forum kase in a way para tayong asa group therapy. I myself was a victim. I had a bf whom i was with for 7 yrs... at sa loob ng 7yrs na yun pakiramdam ko nakita ko na ang impyerno.... lahat ng sakit nagawa na nya.. lahat ng kwento niyo dito kwento ko din. verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, financial, infidelity.. ironically my ex bf is a nurse...providing tender loving care to patients..pati sa relative ng patients na ngiging gf nya eventually while kami minamahal nya din. nung dumating yung time na nagreklamo ako at pumunta sa women's desk, for some reasons hindi ko itinuloy ang kaso,u see never ako lumaban sa 7taon na nakakulong ako sa relasyong yun....probably because wala nalang akong maramdaman kundi takot..  hindi ko pinaalam sa magulang ko,kahit sa mga kaibigan ko... nakain na ang pagiisip ko sa paniniwalang lahat ng sinasabi nya tama. I was like a walking dead, he would f**ck my mind na pati ang pagtulog ng mahimbing hindi ko gnagawa, dahil natatakot ako na gigicing na wala na sa sarili... hindi nya ako gnagamitan ng kamay pag nananakit,puro paa...kinukulong nya ako sa bodega ng cr namin kapag nagagalit sya sa akin,dun ako hihiga kasama ang malalaking daga at gagamba, na walang ilaw..at lalabas lang kapag pinalabas na nya..sinusundot ang mata, pinapalo ng kung anu2x sa ulo,infact my head is not round,marami syang uka..anjang dinuduraan sa muka...it was traumatic...and disturbing... when i finally got the courage na lumabas para magreklamo, nag pa medico legal ako mismo sa hospital kung saan sya nagwo work, sa tindi ng galit ko gusto ko syang pahiyaan, sa ganun bagay man lang makaganti ako.. only to realize na mas pinanigan pa sya ng mga staffs doon. he's highly manipulative,very intelligent. hindi ko alam paano nya nakuhang papaniwalain pati staff ng hospital na sya ang biktima..kunsabagay magaling sya makisama at masipag kaya maganda ang feedback sa kanya ng coworkers nya. what they dont know is maraming pilantropong pumapatay. ng ma desperado na ako at pakiramdam ko nagkamali ako sa paglantad ng sarili, inisip ko na i record ko ang conversations namin each time.but then i was told na ako pa ang makakasuhan ng wire tapping.... nakakahiya man bangitin, i feel so hopeless at wala ako mahingan ng tulong noon, nagsubok ako magpakamatay,baka kako yun nlng ang tanging solusyon..no words can describe the pain that i went thru at that time, i have no support, he's the victim in the eyes of other people while continously banging my head in the wall...sabi ko gusto ko na matapos ang sakit, but here i am.. buhay na buhay. I guess God has a purpose why im still here... its been a year now... nakawala ako eventually.. napagod, natakot, minahal ko na nga siguro ang pangalawa kong buhay...pero i chose to remain silent nlang.hidi ko na nabigyan kahit konting dangal ang sarili ko.. until now im still having nightmares, still have those sleepless nights.. mag isa pa rin ako till now trying to pick up the pieces together...gayunpaman, hindi ako nawawalan ng pag asa na someday ang lahat ng eto papalitan ni GOD ng masasayang alaala...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sweetsncakes on March 27, 2011, 05:18:28 pm
These threads gave me courage with my present relationship, been in a relationship for 9 years with one baby , my partner did had a relationship with a girl and even caught them on act on our shop well , i did forgive him cause i think its for the baby not to end up separated and be a broken family but it did not end there, he lied and lied and even caught him again and again .. until i knew that they were having cruel fights with each other and they ended up splitting up with each other .. presently he comes home regurlarly compared before. but ganoon po ba talaga parang pagnakikita ko siya all the things and words that he says parang for me no time for me lto lend him an ear parang kasi lahat lies.. ?

but im now concentrating on my craft well and i just gave my self a time limit if hindi mawala yung doubt ill quit and start a new life even without him .
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: rose_24 on May 06, 2011, 01:24:04 pm
Hi sissesss!!!
Just wanna ask and share my situation...
Kasi after we got married po eh hindi na maging maganda ang mga nangyari sa pagsasama namin. After we got married, we lived in my parents house at dun ko nakita ang tunay nyang ugali... 3 years kaming maging magboyfriend before we end up marrying nakita ko naman na yung mga ugali nya in 3 years na mas lumala nung kasal na kami, akala ko naman kasi eh magiging ok kami pagkasal na kami pro nagkamali ako. Napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na lust lang pala ang gusto nya sakin... Ilang months lang kaming nagsama after the wedding and I decided na makipaghiwalay sa kanya dahil nga kung pano nya ako tratuhin at ang pamilya ko... Lagi syang wala sa bahay namin kahit na wala naman syang pasok sa school, maagang maaga sya aalis samin tapos ganing gabi na kung umuwi at minsan pa eh magtitext nalang bigla ang mga magulang nya sa akin na dun muna daw matulog sa kanila ang anak nila, madalas nya akong pinipilit na may mangyari samin, minsan pa my suhol na chocolate at kapag hindi ko tinanggap at hindi pa rin ako pumayag eh binato nya sakin yung chocolate, mahigpit ang hawak nya sakin na nasasaktan na ako, may isang incident pa na pinuntahan nya ako sa house namin at lola ko [textspeak!] at anak ko ang kasama nung araw na yun at sinubukan nya akong halayin, tinulak nya ako sa kama at tatanggalan na ng damit at sa sobrang galit ko dahil pa sa ginawa nyang yun eh at sa panlalaban ko eh natadyakan ko sya at napatumba sa lakas ng pagkakatadyak ko sa knya.

Yung ginawa nya po ba sakin yun eh isa na sa pwedeng ground para makapagfile po ako ng annullment? Pro wala po akong witness na ginawa nya po sakin yun... Pls need some advice mga sis...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: cosmochick on May 08, 2011, 07:35:48 pm
I've read this thread from start to finish because I once was a victim of physical abuse by my ex husband. The first time my ex hit me, napatawad ko pa. And I did all I can to act as if nothing happened. The second time, all my respect for him was gone. I became quiet and I was not myself. The only thing thats keeping me going is my baby. But just like some of you here, I was walking on eggshells the entire time. After two and half years, I finally got the courage to leave. Siniraan din nya ako to my friends, to my family. Saying I was addicted to shabu, that I went to bars every night, eh hello! 9pm pa lang tulog nako with my baby beside me. and etc.. etc.. pinalabas nya talaga na ako ang may deperensya and sad to say, some of my so called friends actually believed it. And I did not bother explaining. What for?

What I did, I went to a place where no one knew me and started anew.It was hard at first and looking back from where I am now, i would have never imagined I would come this far.

Annuled na ako last 2008. And I've never been happier. God is good. We all deserve to be happy. Life is short. You just have to love yourself first and everything else will follow.

To all the sisters here who mustered enough courage to stop the abuse, hats off to you. and to the rest who are still coping, here's to hoping you shall soon find the peace and happiness we all deserve.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ayancruz on June 06, 2011, 09:36:31 am
hello to all the respectable females here. :) i am arieane cruz, a 4thyr nursing student from university of santo tomas and we are working on a thesis regarding batteredwives/partners. I humbly ask for your help if you could be willing to be one of our key informants. I guarantee you that the brief interview would be confidential and no videotaping will take place. we will just have to use a tape recorder for us to analyze ur narratives. my team badly needs ur help and we would be very grateful if you speak up. please do message me soon and i'll give my contatc number. Please, please help us. Let us all unbutter the batter, let us all step on the light! thank you so much! girlpower! :*
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sunnymel on June 10, 2011, 09:28:37 pm
   I hope ok mrmi pa ding nagbabasa ng thread na ito Its so nice to have someone to share to. Good for you sisses na nakakahiwalay sa mga partners nila. Basically, I think nagagawa nyo to break into that person kasi meron kyong matakbuhang family or meron kyong work. Its sad to think that others are still "there". Are ther 'halfway' homes for abused women? Ive heard of The Haven by Congressional Spouses of rge Phils pero di ko mkita s web ang address..
   God Bless everyone!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: pinkk on June 25, 2011, 07:11:32 am
Save
http://famli.blogspot.com/p/free-government-help-for-ra-9262-cases.html
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: amy farrah fowler on July 02, 2011, 05:20:46 pm
i've never been abused in any way, but i know several women who are.  nakakaiyak talaga ang mga stories nila.  and i admire women who speak up and are strong enough to do something to stop the abuse. 

dapat talaga palaban tayo, mga sisses.  wag tayo paapi.  remember that we're entitled to all the respect there is in a relationship. 

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: carrieso on July 21, 2011, 09:41:11 pm
yes I know your situation , Please talk to GOD through prayer... always and allow him to be director of your Movie life......
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on September 01, 2011, 10:06:00 am
Hi everyone

how's it going na with your situations? wala na naguupdate dito

Hope nagiging okay na mga buhay natin :) kasi no news is good news ???   :-\
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: mimigarcia on October 13, 2011, 09:21:20 pm
oopss! i belong.. :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on October 14, 2011, 07:11:56 am
^ care to share what happened?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: jpsv72 on October 17, 2011, 04:15:47 pm
hi, I read this thread about being abused, so do i, abused for a couple of times, but my husbands keep on denying it, to the point na kaya daw sya nagkaganoon because of me. Married for almost 15 years, called, wh*re, $lut, PI, masamang asawa, gag*, sinungaling, traitor, what else that would describe me as a bad wife. He even posted it in the FB how bad wife I was.
Ano bang magagawa ko, I already resigned from work, at malapit ng umuwi, and the last na kinatatakutan ko, I don't have the finances to work and stay in the Philippines, kasi ang usapan namin i will send money and support the kids then he will save his salary for our savings. That's how manipulative he was na pinaniwalaan ko sya.
What can we learn from each other, we have to be brave for the sake of our kids? I am but with regards to finances, that would be my main problem. I am afraid  to go home dahil dun, I don't know what kind of life waiting for me. I don't know if I will have the chance to land a job in the Philippines.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Hurting_angel on October 18, 2011, 11:31:07 am
Thank you all for posting your stories of strength and courage.. There are days I think I prefer to be a physically battered wife than to be emotionally and psychologically battered. Because scars and bruises can be documented while the other two needs to be determined by a psychologist or counselor pa. I am 45 years old, with 3 kids and I've resigned myself to a life wherein I've accepted that I married someone who's really bad. To describe him - he's greedy, he's self centered and egotistically narcissistic. Nothing matters to him except himself, vain and very arrogant. Years of emotional and psychological abuse has caught on and now - my eldest daughter has become depressed and suicidal, begging me to file for legal separation or annulment just to get their father out of the house and out of their lives.

Its hard for me to write the details of how it has reached this point but I know my daughters are in dire need of counselling so am I, but we all agree it shouldn't be "religious" in nature. I'm sorry and no offense meant to Christians in this thread - but their father professes to be a Christian to our faces then neglects the children when it comes to parental relationships. He provides, thats it. But to be called a "father" he is not.

According to him he does not need to apologize to us for whatever sins we say he has done to us, because according to him, God has already forgiven him. Yet he struts around like a peacock flaunting things. A clear example is the simple phone load. He buys himself a laptop, a new car, two cellphones, new shoes, etc... even just came from Palawan with his family [father siblings and niece] WITHOUT even taking any of his children with him then comes home showing off his "pasalubongs" of which NONE is meant for any of his children. Load? They ask him for pasaload, he shares P20.00 with a "sumbat" attached to it. He calls all his kids |"expenses"... unwanted expenses to their faces.

Hope that clarifies why I prefer a non-sectarian or non-religiously inclined support group to help me and my children weather this storm.

I have no means to support them which is why like I said - I've resigned myself to the fact that I need to live with him under the same roof for the sake of the children. Other than that, he has his own life, actually even posted the photos of his current GF in his FB account until the kids got wind of it and he took it down. The rumored GF is like 2 months older than his eldest daughter. [yuck] and works as a GRO in some bar in Pasay City.

I turn a blind eye to all his shenanigans for the sake of the kids but when my daughter begged me, drunk and in tears, begging me to file for annulment or legal separation, I knew the lines have been crossed and drawn already. They've had enough already of him and they want him out of their lives.

Please, I need help. A support group that can help my children and myself weather this that won't eat up too much of my measly salary. You see, he won't pay for this and he has cut all access I may have to "his" money. But he has the nerve to tell me, demand for half of whatever I earn in front of the kids.

Any information would help. Thanks so much.

Hurnting_angel
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on October 18, 2011, 01:14:31 pm
^omg..that really is something..

i don't know of any counseling..i wish i could help..

nakakawa yung mga kids mo, and for him to say those things in front of them..more so you, as the wife, to be in that situation..

maybe if you guys just move out of there and start your own life?maybe your kids will help you earn the money to get by..

i don't know what else to say at this point, i'm just kinda shocked and still absorbing your situation..

take care and concentrate on your children and be with them 100%..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: mimigarcia on October 18, 2011, 01:51:56 pm
^^That is too much!  >:( :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: luckypal on October 22, 2011, 02:42:29 pm
it's really hard to be in an abusive relationship and even harder to get out.  ayoko na mag-asawa from all the stories i have heard and also the experiences that i have been through.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: corcor on October 24, 2011, 07:12:59 am
Reposting this information:

Girls, under NO circumstances should ANY form of abuse be tolerated! Empower yourselves. You can go to these orgs for help:

Read up on the:
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN & CHILDREN Republic Act No. 9262
otherwise known as the “Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004”

Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD):
Crisis Intervention Unit (CIU) Rehabilitation Unit
Tel. No.: (02) 734-8635/ 488-3199

Department of Social Welfare and Development
The Social Protection Bureau
Batasan Complex, Constitution Hills
Quezon City
Tel: 63-2-9318101 to 07; 9322573
E-mail:itd@miss.dswd.gov.ph
Web site:www.dswd.gov.ph

Philippine National Police (PNP): Women and Children’s Concern Division (WCCD)
PNP-WCCPC Camp Crame, Quezon City
Tel. No.: (02) 723-0401 loc. 3480/ loc 3697/ 415-4908 loc 3699
Call or text 117 (PATROL 117)
E-mail Address: wccpc_2001@yahoo.com
Services: Conducts appropriate police investigation of all cases involving violence against women and children, Provides highest standards of medico-legal, psychological/psychiatric counseling services to victims of VAWC, Maintains strengthens coordination and other agencies concerned and protection of women and children, Files VAWC cases with the clouts and does tracking and follow-ups

National Bureau of Investigation (NBI):
Violence Against Women and Children’s Desk (VAWCD)
Tel. Nos.: (02) 523-8231 loc. 3403

Department of Interior and Local Government – NCR
Address: 265 LMP Building Ermin Garcia, Street Cubao, Quezon City
Tel No: 912 –8962, 912-8965, 912-8967
Services: Gender and development program where VAW is one of the concerns and issues for the whole region

Women’s Crisis Center: Women and Children Crisis Care & Protection Unit –
East Avenue Medical Center (WCCCPU-EAMC)
Address : 7th / f East Ave. Medical Center East Ave. Diliman Hills, Quezon City
Tel. Nos.: (02) 926-7744; 922-5235; 924-9315
Schedule : Mondays - Fridays 8:00 - 6:00 PM
Services: Face to face Counseling, Telephone Counseling
Temporary Shelter for victims, Medico Legal Assistance, Legal Assistance, Survivors support group
Type of Client: Women Only
Referral Requirement: Referral Letter
Case study with all necessary documents attached to it.


National Commission on the Role of Filipino Women (NCRFW)
1145 J.P. Laurel St., San Miguel Manila
1005 Philippines,
Telephone: +632.7354767
Fax Number: +632.7364449
Email: edo@ncrfw.gov.ph

AMRSP – WOMEN AND GENDER COMMISSION
Address: 1348 Quinto cor Ma.Clara Sts., Sampaloc, Manila
Tel No: 712-9084, 742-7826
Education (information and seminars), Campaigns on Status of women, Research (specifically abuses/violation Within the catholic church), Resource Center, Shelter for Survivors (a day or two or Prayers/reflections), Pastoral care


Red Cross Welcome Center for Women
Address: Philippine National Red Cross, Bonifacio Drive, Port Area Manila
Tel No: 5278384 loc 126
Services: Temporary Shelter, Home life management, Medical services, Guidance and Counseling, Livelihood skills training, Referral
Referral Requirements: Case study report, referral letter, laboratory, examination results on urinalysis, CBC Hepatitis B and Ultrasound


University of the Philippines-Philippine General Hospital (UP-PGH) Women's Desk
Address: Emergency Room Complex, Taft Avenue, Manila 1000
Contact Person: Ms. Bernadette R. Albino
Medical Social Worker
Telephone Numbers: 524-2990 / 521-8450 local 3072/loc. 3816
Services: Case Management of Survivors of violence, Medical Management, Supporting services and referrals, Training on gender sensitivity and violence against women, Development of institutional guidelines and protocol, Curriculum deveopment, Paralegal counseling, Psychosocal interventions: (1) Individual and group therapy, (2) Crisis counseling, (3) Stress management, (4) Advocacy, (5) Research, (6) Supervision.
E-Mail Address: womens_desk@yahoo.com

The HAVEN – National Center for Women
Address: Northgate Avenue, Filinvest, Corporate City, Alabang
Munitinlupa City
Tel No: 807-1586
Services: Residential care, Medical services, Maternal and child care, Self-enhancement and skills development, Livelihood skills development, Legal services, Counseling, Case work/group work, Others: transportation, non-formal education
Referral Requirements: Social case study, Report, Medical abstract records and referral letter

Family and Community Healing Center (FCHC)
Address: C.P. Garcia Avenue cor. C.V., Francisco St., Baranggay U.P.
Campus Diliman, Quezon City
Tel No.: 426-9779
Services: One-on-one counseling with follow-up home visit for women and men and children, Information distribution on VAW awareness

Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM)
Address : Loyola House of Studies, Ateneo, Quezon City
Tel. # : 426-42-89 to 98 fax : 426-4285 Service : face-to-face counseling by appointment
Schedule : Monday to Friday 8:00 - 6:00 PM Saturday 8:00 - 5:00 PM
Contact : Mrs. Socorro P. Mirabueno -Exec. Director
Terms : By donation

Ateneo Wellness Center
Address : Alingal Hall, Ateneo de Manila, Quezon City
Tel. # : 426-60-01 loc. 4022,4023
Services : Psychological testing, therapy & counseling for Kids (4yr- up)
and Adult by appointment
Schedule : Monday - Friday (8:00-5:00 PM)
Contact : Lerma Rasco, Secretary Dr. Ma. Emma Conception-Liwag Exec. Director
Terms : Depends on level; P400-800 per session

Women’s Action Helpline
Telephone : 430-4207
Schedule : Monday-Friday 9:00-5:00 PM
Services : Abuse of women in intimate relationships

Crisis Line
Tel. # : 893-76-03
Schedule : (Monday-Friday 9:00am-4:00pm)
Services : General counseling /referrals

Crusade Against Violence
Tel No. : 810-54-97 to 98 / 810-55-01 / 810-5842

Helpline
Tel # : 5255845
Service : Child Abuse, Violence Against Women Counseling

In Touch Foundation
Address : 48 A McKinley Road, Forbes Park, Makati City
Tel. # : 893-18-93 or 893-76-06
Services : Face-to-face counseling by appointment
Schedule : Monday - Friday ( 9:00 - 5:00 PM)
Terms : P1,500.00 per session/hour

Natasha Goulbourn Foundation
Address : Suite 209, LRI Design Plaza, 210 nicanor Garcia Street, Makati
Tel. # : 897-2217
Schedule : Monday to Friday ( 8:00 - 5:00 PM)
Contact : Ms. Frances Lim

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

COMMISSION ON HUMAN RIGHTS (CHR)
Address: UP Complex Commonwealth, Avenue, Diliman, Q.C.
Tel No.: 928-6098
Services: Provides legal assistance to women victims of violence

DOJ Public Attorney’s Office Women's Desk
Tel. Nos.: (02) 929-9010; 929-9436 to 37

Gabriela
Address : 35 Scout Delgado, Roxas District, Q.C.
Tel. # : 371 2302/374 3451/374 3452
Fax # : 374 4423

Center for Women’s Resources
127-B Scout Fuentebella St.,
Brgy. Sacred Heart,Quezon City 1103 Philippines
(Near Sacred Heart Church at Sct. Ybardolaza St.)
Admin: +632 411-2796
Telefax: +632 926-1956
Email:cwrgrl@gmail.com; info@cwrweb.com


Agency : Women's Legal Bureau
Address : 11 Matimtiman St., Teacher’s Village, UP Diliman, Q.C.
Tel. # : 921-38-93 / 921-80-53
Fax # : 921-43-89
Contact : Atty. Evalyn Ursua ( Exec. Director)

Harnessing Self-Reliant Initiatives and Knowledge (HASIK) &
Women's Legal Bureau
9 Don Rafael Street, Don Enrique Heights
Commonwealth Avenue,
Barangay Holy Spirit
1127 Quezon City
Tel: 63-2-9314335
Fax: 63-2-9326026
Email:hasik@surfshop.net.phandhasik@klink.com.ph
Contact Person: Rebecca Demetillo-Abraham
Marie Christine N. Bantug

Agency : Kalakasan
Contact : Anna Leah Sarabia, Executive Director
Tel. # : 433-28-03 / 921-22-22
Schedule : Mondays - Fridays (8:00 - 6:00 PM)
Services : Medical & legal referral, shelter for battered women

Agency: SALIGAN
Address: GroundFloor Hoffner Building, Ateneo de Manila University
Quezon City
Tel No: 426-6124
E-mail Address: saligan@saligan.org
Services: Direct legal service, Litigation assistance, consultations, preparations of pleadings, court appearances, Publication – VAW manual and other publications, Education-paralegal training on VAW, Police advocacy
Referral Requirements: Partners referral – referral endorsement primarily VAW related cases

Department of Justice Action Center (DOJAC)
Ground Floor, Multi-Purpose Building,
Padre Faura Street, Ermita, Manila
Telephone no: 523-84-81
Email Address: dojac@doj.gov.ph
* The DOJAC acts on complaints, requests for assistance and legal queries of walk-in clients of the DOJ. For legal assistance please visit the Department of Justice Action Center (DOJAC) or visit any Regional/Provincial/City Prosecution Offices in your town or city.

*You can also ask for free legal help from the PAO (Public Attorneys Office) or from the IBP (Integrated Bar of the Philippines) chapter in your town or city. The IBP chapter offices are usually located in the Hall of Justice of cities. You can also try to get free legal help from the OLA (office of Legal Aid) of the UP College of Law in Diliman, Quezon City.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on January 02, 2012, 08:27:56 am
^Sis I know it's hard. but there will come a time when "enough is enough"
i had that, in just 1yr of experiencing this. I had to report it na to my mom. and damn it was hard.
 I should have a long time ago, even before we got married, baka hindi pa kami pinakasal ng mama ko.
sayang talaga.

you have to wake up na sis. 14yrs is too long. ang dami mo nang naaksayang panahon sa kanya. wag mo ng dagdagan pa..  :'( you and your kid(s) will be better off and at peace w/o him..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: amberdeler on January 14, 2012, 02:59:03 pm
mga sis.... ask for help sana...
i have a friend who's based in Korea with
tapos in relationship sya with a Sri Lankan..
she's also a victim of violence..
recently lang sya nag confide sa akin..
walang nakakaalam sa family nya dito sa Pinas na
ganun ang ginagawa sa kanya..
sobrang seloso daw nitong guy..
at nakakabuo ng story para ma i set ang idea na
may lalaki sya.. tingin ko mentally disturbed ang guy na to...
natatakot ako for my friend...
hindi nya alam kung san pwedeng humingi ng tulong..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: siomai on January 31, 2012, 10:40:31 am
at this momment nakipaghwalay n hisband ko sakin,sobrang sakit mga sis diko kaya na makita sia family nmin na sira so that i decided to say goobye na too evrybody sguro hindi ako kasing tpang ng iba to face this kind of problem,weak ako,honestly khit gno pa nrnasan ko hrap sa asawa ko mnahal ko sya but still sguro [textspeak!] n sya pagmmhal skn na npksakit pakinggan,kiling my self is the only thing naiisp kong solusyon dhil hndi ko alam kung pano sisimulan ang lhat.thank u sister for listening my story tjis is the last time na mag share ako ng problema ko,im loser and i cant face the reality.thank you to all of u.
OMG kylakirst! how are you? I hope hindi ka nawalan ng pag-asa. talk to your family. they will understand you. talk to your friends. hindi ka nag-iisa. talk to people. talk to someone. talk to a priest. talk to a tita. a friend a family member basta talk to anyone. dont keep your emotions and thoughts all to yourself. dinaanan na rin ng maraming tao yan. i myself have been abused but i am in a much better place now because i chose to be. my prayers are with you. keep safe
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: xhyrel_01 on May 26, 2012, 10:40:39 pm
 :'( mga sis may live in partner ako for almost 6yrs.. until now binubugbug pa niya ako, sa madaming tao minumura niya ako, nag wawala siya kahit sa labas ng bahay. ako ang nahihiya sa mga tao.. nag babasag siya ng gamit, nag mumura as in mura hindi ko na makain.. mahilig siya manuntok,manapok manipa.manampal.. dumadating na sa time na nahihimatay n ako sa sakit.. anyway may unang asawa siya at 2 anak. mga help kasi napuno na ako. hindi ko alam kung kanino mag sasabi. hindi ko na din alam panu ikwneto ng buo. help mga sis
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Princess_Chill on June 17, 2012, 04:59:20 am
Hi mga sis

I admit before nakatikim ako ng sampal and sakal sa asawa ko ( live in partner) kasi dati pag umiinom siya parang nagiging ibang tao siya. lumalaban ako noon and noong hindi na siya lasing i talked to him heart to heart and told him na pag naulit niya akong pagbuhatan ng kamay na hindi rason na lasing kasi siya kaya nya nagawa iyon iiwan namin siya ng anak namin...at i consider niya na wala na siyang pamilya.

after that i thank God na smooth na relationship namin nagbago siya at hindi na kami masyado nag aaway as in seldom nalang...

@xhyrel

sis kung hindi mo na kaya tama na...ang mga babae kasi mapag matiiis pero you need to set a limit for yourself..makakahanap ka eventually ng taong magmamahal sa iyo ng may respeto. Mahirap talaga mahiwalay kaso you need to respect yourself para i respeto ka din ng partner mo...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: rhapzdee on June 29, 2012, 12:19:02 am
i am currently being abused by my ex boyfriend.he just left my home.pina blotter ko na siya still he cam back and was able to get inside the house.again sinira niya mga gamit ko pati mga damit ko sandals lahat lahat. i dont know what to do umiiyak lang ako ngayon.nagsisigaw na ako pero walang tumulong. i live in a place na malayong malayo sa pamilya ko.wala akong relatives dito.just me. what should i do?go to the police again tomorrow?hindi ko na alam.gusto ko tumahimik na buhay ko.nahihirapan na ako.please advise me on what to do.natatakot na akong lumabas ng bahay
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on June 29, 2012, 02:47:08 pm
i am currently being abused by my ex boyfriend.he just left my home.pina blotter ko na siya still he cam back and was able to get inside the house.again sinira niya mga gamit ko pati mga damit ko sandals lahat lahat. i dont know what to do umiiyak lang ako ngayon.nagsisigaw na ako pero walang tumulong. i live in a place na malayong malayo sa pamilya ko.wala akong relatives dito.just me. what should i do?go to the police again tomorrow?hindi ko na alam.gusto ko tumahimik na buhay ko.nahihirapan na ako.please advise me on what to do.natatakot na akong lumabas ng bahay

girl I think the first thing to do is lumipat ka na, find a place where you can move or better yet go home to your parents. kung takot ka lumabas, tell your parents your problem tapos magpasundo ka sa lalakeng family member mo para may escort ka.you can't handle this alone anymore so you need help from your family
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: rhapzdee on July 01, 2012, 02:20:11 pm
thanks po sa advice.i've already spoken to the representative from women's desk and i need to file a case against him.it's hard living in fear.my parents are also coming over from cagayan de oro to support me on this. thanks po  :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: design21 on August 16, 2012, 01:32:57 pm
my cousin opened up for the first time she said and to me pa. she almost died the last time she was beaten up kaya hiniwalayan na niya. no one in her family knew kasi nasa states na sila. i felt helpless not knowing she have been suffering for the past 3 years. what do i do. I am currently on bedrest i couldnt even go out of the house because im pregnant and i do have a very complicated pregnancy. i dont know what to say. because i am one spoiled wife:( i was never hit by anyone  ni hindi ako napalo ng parents ko before. my husband treats me like a queen so hindi ko,alam but of all people sa akin siya nagsabi now i feel helpless.

how can i advice if hindi ko naman naranasan ni minsan ang masaktan?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Dacian on September 15, 2012, 01:17:23 am
ganito rin prob ng sister ko and nephew ko.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Dacian on September 20, 2012, 04:32:22 am
just last week, i found out that my nephew was molested by his own father.  and the problem is ayaw ng wife (my sis) isumbong sa police.  instead, pinaalis na lang ng bahay.  ayaw nya daw ng iskandalo.  pano naman ang justice for my nephew?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on September 26, 2012, 12:37:46 pm
^ holy cr@p!  >:( makakarma din father ng nephew mo..kawawa naman siya :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Dacian on September 26, 2012, 07:03:59 pm
@momentum
sana nga makarma talaga!  ginagawa daw yun kapag nasa banyo kapag pinapaliguan nephew ko.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: latte on September 26, 2012, 07:45:45 pm
:'( mga sis may live in partner ako for almost 6yrs.. until now binubugbug pa niya ako, sa madaming tao minumura niya ako, nag wawala siya kahit sa labas ng bahay. ako ang nahihiya sa mga tao.. nag babasag siya ng gamit, nag mumura as in mura hindi ko na makain.. mahilig siya manuntok,manapok manipa.manampal.. dumadating na sa time na nahihimatay n ako sa sakit.. anyway may unang asawa siya at 2 anak. mga help kasi napuno na ako. hindi ko alam kung kanino mag sasabi. hindi ko na din alam panu ikwneto ng buo. help mga sis

Love yourself and MOVE OUT FROM HIM. Mahirap sa umpisa pero sigurado ako kakayanin mo.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: flatfooted on January 04, 2013, 01:31:42 pm
hi, is this topic still active?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: latte on January 05, 2013, 02:06:57 am
As long as di pa yata locked meaning active pa.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Amina777 on January 21, 2013, 05:04:05 pm
Yah, I think you decided the right way because you have your sweat kid, and you just said that you want to grow him/ her in more peaceful circumstance. I'm sure that your kid was so scared as well.
I always feel that why these kinds of sadness wouldn't disappear.
As I studied psychology, people who abuse someone had experienced of been abused.
I dunno but maybe he also is a victim..well, this is my personal guess but these cycle is just generating a tragedy.
I just pray that you and the people who all experienced abusing will spend a life very peacefully. Not just for human but all living things.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sexycovergirl on January 26, 2013, 10:58:26 pm
I am not a battered wife. But I am emotionally stressed dahil sa husband ko (live in partner)

We are just about to be married this year. Planning still going on.

I dont know if you would think my situation as petty. Ako kasi, I think medyo malaking problema na siya.

We both know that my daughter is not his child. But his family doesnt know it. So they are treating my daughter like their own blood. Their family is bonded pero secluded. I mean, hindi ako welcome sa family nila and kahit sino pang maging asawa ng mga kapatid or pinsan nila, hindi pa rin yun part ng family nila. Marami sila laging sinasabi sakin. Pero, ayun they are treating my daighter nicely.

Batugan yung partner ko. Something na lumalala as time goes on. Since August last year, wala na siyang work. Ayaw niya magsrtive na maghanap ng work. pag hinanapan ko siya, siya pang galit. PEro wala siyang ginagawa sa bahay kundi maglaro sa mga gadgets niya.

Naisip ko na siyang iwan. Sabi ng friends ko, wala na daw akong makikitang kagaya niya na sobrang mahal yung anak ko. Kaso, yun nga, batugan.

Triny ko na siyang iwan, pero ang gusto niyang mangyari, hahatian ko siya sa mga upcoming loan payment sakin (nagpapaloan kasi ako). Which i dont think is fair kasi hindi naman siya tumulong dun. Plus, all I wanted to bring with me (aside from my daughter) is my laptop and our TV. Pero sabi niya, I need to pay him 10k para makuha ko yung laptop kasi iniinsist niya na nagbigay siya for it.

Hindi rin ako makakuha ng suporta sa pamily niya para mapagsabihan yung partner ko kasi tingin nila kasalanan ko kasi daw masyado daw akong selosa. THe hell, e gusto ko nga siyang umalis ng bahay araw araw e.

Im sorry. Possibleng wrong thread tong pinasukan ko. Nonetheless, I still feel emotionally abused dahil sa baggage na lagi kong iniisip.

Can you suggest po of any steps na pwede kong gawin para makuha ko yung mga assets ko fairly?

TIA
Title: Abused Women: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: prettyjlo on May 15, 2013, 11:13:45 am
Maconsider bang verbal abuser mr ko kasi kapag nagagalit sya sinasabihan nya ko bobo t**** ga** at mababaw?
Lagi nya rin ako sinasabihan na lumayas na ko. Stay in housewife ako at seaman sya.
Magkaiba kami ng spiritual beliefs, at sinasabihan nyang hindi totoo sa akin at demonyo ako. Verbal abusing din ba yun?
9 years na kami married this end of May with 3 children ages 8,6 and 3. sabi ko sa sarili ko after 10 years pag ganito pa rin sya baka hiwalayan ko na.
Very good provider at responsible naman sya. Okay din naman trato nya sa mga anak namin. Hindi rin sya babaero ever since dahil takot sya sakit at may pagkaconservative talaga sya.
The only problem is impatient sya lalo na sa kin at lagi sya nagsasalita ng harsh words towards me. 
Ako ba may problem? nagbabasa ako ng mga article about verbal abuser at nababasa ko minsan iniisip ng victim its her fault. Sa kin lang naman kasi sya ganun at pag nakita nio pa itsura ng mr ko, parang di nya kaya gawin yun mga ginagawa at sinasabi sa kin. Maamo talaga ang face nya.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: sundaysat on June 08, 2013, 04:38:49 pm


Hi to all...masasabi na na verbally, emotional and financially iaabuso ako ng asawa ko...for 22 years naming mag-asawa 2 taon lang nya kami nabigyan ng matinong buhay.  Drug dependent sya, at lulong pa sa sugal. Pareho kaming may-trabaho pero ang pera nya ay kanya lang at nakukuha pa nyang humingi sa kakarampot na kinikita ko at tuwing tumatanggi ako ay kung [textspeak!]-anong masasakit na salita at pananakot ang sinasabi nito.  Sobrang takot na takot na ako sa ngayon, may mga gabing hindi na ako makatulog kaya gusto ko ng hiwalayan, pero binabantaan nya ako na pag umalis ako ng bahay ay papatayin nya mga kapatid at pamangkin ko...at isa pang inaalala ko graduating na ang bunso ko ngayong taon sa college pag nagtago ako sa kanya ay paano ko mapapatapos ito sa pag-aaral kung mawawalan ako ng trabaho...tulungan nyo po ako, good advice at sobrang kailangan ko ngayon, at kung paano ko tuluyang iiwanan ang asawa kong sobra na ang ginagawa sa amin.  Ano po ang dpat kong gawin at sino ang pwede kong lapitan upang matapos na ang pang-aabuso ng asawa ko....

pwde po ninyong akong i-email:  belleski_c@yahoo.com, sundaysat@yahoo.com
umaasa po ako na kung sino mang ang makabasa ng liham ko matulungan ako sa aking problema.

Belle
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Purple_Power on June 23, 2013, 06:40:51 pm
prettyjlo I want to take the credit that your husband is not babaero because he is afraid magkasakit in which sana karamihan nga ng mga lalake ganyan ang mentality lalo na yung mga offenders and abusers hindi yung dahil nasasarapan sila sa kung ano ang bawal. 

But being verbal abuser is not still tolerable at big deal pa rin yan because it can affect your self esteem as a person. Kahit na you are at fault hindi pa rin reason para mura murahin ka ng asawa mo. Ewan ko lang kung anong article ang nabasa mo pero ito ang masasabi ko yung fault ng wife is case to case basis naman yan. Pero ang masasabi kong fault ng wife rito is yung tinotolerate ang asawa na mag abuse sa inyo hanggang sa it is being late para bigyan ito ng action. The problem here is ikaw ang pinagbabalingan ng init ng ulo niya lalo na pagdating sa ibang tao. My question is why don't you fight back? Hindi naman porket seaman siya at housewife ka or hindi porket siya lang ang provider sa inyo in terms of finances ay reason na yun para maging harsh siya. Kayo na nga lang magtutulungan tapos ganyan pa treatment niya sayo. Huwag mo nang paabutin ang 10 years bago mo hiwalayan kahit pa bata mga anak mo. The earlier the better para matauhan agad lalo na kapag naging totoo yung sinabi niya sayo na lumayas ka. Kapag lumayas ka na sa kanya HUWAG NA HUWAG mo na siyang babalikan dahil instant lang yung pagbabago niya tapos babalik lang yan sa normal. Ang masama kasi ay nawiwitness ng mga anak mo kung paano kang tinatrato ng hindi maayos.

sundaysat First of all bakit pinaabot mo pa ng less than 2 decades ang pangyayari na ito? you mention pa pala that he is drug dependent eh di sana you send him to the rehab. Hindi makapagtataka nga na may pagbabanta na siyang ginagawa at pwede niya itong totohanin. If I were you huwag mo siyang layasan kundi legal advise ka na so here's the website http://pcw.gov.ph/law/republic-act-9710 Go to Charity institution as well that can help you with this problem. Delikado yan dapat ireport mo na siya.
 
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: soLaris on July 02, 2013, 11:00:00 am
Hi Fellow GTalkers,

Gusto ko sana malaman kung paano nyo nalusutan iyung mga abusive partners nyo? gusto ko na din kasi kumawala sa 6yrs na
verbally abusive bf at may pagkapsycho..:( minura nya ako ng p.i ka tapos pinamukha nya sa akin na
wala siya pakialam kung umuwi ako ng umaga, or gabing gabi na. wala nga syang trabaho, alcoholic at
magastos pa sya. oo nasisigawan ko sya kahit nasa mall, pero abusado na sobra. ang sweldo ko sa kanya
lang napupunta most of the time. wala na din akong savings. lagi siya nagyayaya magmall at makipagkita tapos
iinom sa isang pub joint. habang umiinom, hihintayin ko sya matapos saka kami uuwi. my parents does not
know anything about this. i told this to  my friend. i've asked helped from his parents para iwasto nila anak nila
pero ang anak nila ang mapagmalaki pa. palamunin na nga sya pa itong may ganang magalit.
may mga banta pa sya na sasaksakin nya ako pag hindi ako tumigil ng kakaeskandalo sa mall at kakasigaw
kesehodang may umawat daw papatayin  daw nya. gusto ko na umalis at kumawala. sobra sobra na ito mga sis.
i've talked to my bestfriend about this as well. kahit sya he's fearing for my life. may times pag gusto nya
makipagkita pupunta sya dito sa opisina at hihintayin nya ako. he threathens pa na papatayin nya kung sino man
ang umawat sa kanya.

help... :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Purple_Power on July 05, 2013, 11:12:38 pm
^Sis my point here is bakit hindi mo siya maiwan dahil ba sa threat? Why don't you tell your parents regarding this matter? Do the search in google or any search engines kung saan pwedeng magconsult regarding sa threat. That is serious case sis. May mga times na yung banta nagiging totoo sa sobrang galit nila. I am also afraid for you kapag naging asawa mo yan. To tell you some other incident may nabalitaan na ako na pinatay nitong bf si gf. I don't know kung ano naging story pero actually na feature ito sa SOCO. Classmate ito ng pinsan ko yung killer and she told me tahimik lang raw itong lalake, maraming nagsasabi na mabait yung lalake pero hindi nila akalain na papatay pala siya. So if I were you DO WAYS to stay away from him. Ask help from authorities.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: iamshiela on July 06, 2013, 06:43:09 am
Mga sis as far as I know is merong mga women's desk on every policestation. You can always ask help to them.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: naer1234 on July 24, 2013, 03:15:05 am
As i've read this thread from start to the last page.. medyo nakarelate ako. Ang tanong ko lang. What do you do ba everytime na masasaktan kayo physically or verbally? I hope hindi kayo nananahimik lang. Kasi dapat nagsasalita din kayo. That's what i do. Pag sobrang puno na dibdib ko sa sakit from the emotional battering, ako naman nagdadadakdak. Wala na ako paki kung lalo siya magalit. Nasabi na nya lahat ng masasakit, may mas ilalala pa ba yun? Mailabas ko man lang lahat ng hinananakit ko. Infairness naman to my husband, parang hindi siya aware sa ginagawa niya sakin o sa epekto ng sinsabi niyang negative things. So after ko ipoint out lahat ng nakasakit sakin. It seems nakikinig naman pala siya. Hindi na nauulit. Siguro kahit gaano pa kasama husband mo partner mo bf mo o live in partner mo, if there is willingness to change on his part. Pede pa mag work out. Especially kung mahal ka pa. Talk heart to heart with your partner. Hindi din naman nila malalaman kung ano ang mali kung hindi mo ipapa alam. At first tahimik lang din ako. Kaso napansin ko pag nanahimik ka tingin niya siya ang tama. So lalong lumalala ugali. Dinakdakan ko nga. E di natauhan siya.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Gabrielle Andre on August 11, 2013, 01:28:46 am
Hello sisters...

For the emotionally, psychologically and verbally abused, here are some Facebook group pages
you can like...

I was in denial for a year na abusive pala yung relationship ko...i thought something was wrong with me..
na if only I would be a better partner, kung magiging mas understanding ako... our relationship would get better
Accidentally, I found a page on FB...and it led me to many other pages that helped me understand my partner and
my situation better...

Hindi ko alam kung aware kayo sa Narcissistic Personality Disorder...pero mostly daw, emotionally abusive men,
ganon daw.
Sa nababasa ko din, halos lahat ng victims. pare pareho ang kwento as in!


https://www.facebook.com/www.comhelpstopabuseonwomen?ref=stream&hc_location=stream

https://www.facebook.com/LeavesOfALiar?ref=br_tf

https://www.facebook.com/ManBustersSurvivingASociopath

https://www.facebook.com/pages/After-Narcissistic-Abuse-There-is-Light-Life-Love/114835348601442

https://www.facebook.com/Narcology

https://www.facebook.com/NPDRecovery

https://www.facebook.com/SurvivingTheNarcissistRelationship

https://www.facebook.com/TheNarcissistAUsersGuide

I'm still in an abusive relationship... im still trying to get out. And mahirap pala pag naging addicted ka sa love ninyo,
when you become a codependent...


Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Sugarrush on August 16, 2013, 06:59:48 pm
Hello guys, I posted my story sa Family issues regarding my partner. I can relate sa  mga stories niyo. Hope we can help each other. 

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Girltalker2 on August 16, 2013, 10:01:40 pm

Can the law truly help women like us?  Sobra akong na f frustrate sa bansa nating inutil. Ikaw nanga niloko, tapos wala ka pa napala, just move on daw. Maryosep, ginugol mo ang buong buhay mo, niplan mo ang life ahead, tapos niloko ka lang ng lalaking pinakasalan mo. Then what? 

Ni hindi sila puede makulong?  pati ang mistress?  Sa stress at abuse na inabot mo, dahil gusto lang nila mag enjoy together? 

What kind of a law does our country have in protecting women?  Mag h hire ka ng lawyer, katakot takot na gastos.  Annulment, ganyan din. Ano baaa.... Sawang sawa nako being in our country. Peste.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: thamei on August 18, 2013, 12:58:51 pm
^there's ra9262 that protects women (of all sorts) and children. Since its a criminal case, the public prosecutor will be your lawyer.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Blair_w on November 08, 2013, 02:07:27 pm
@Girltalker2: There is RA 9262 just what sis thamei said. Along with this, meron din mga NGO's who are catering to these kinds of problems. May mga volunteer lawyers din sila who can provide you with legal services pro bono. Just look around for these NGOs in your area. Malakas itong law na ito at may ngipin. Infact, meron akong nakilala, napakulong nya husband nay for repeated abuses na ginawa sa kanya. laban lang sis:D
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: iluvescadasport on November 09, 2013, 08:40:21 pm
I need help. I wana know if I'm being OA or psycho na ako or i'm being harassed. Honesty is very much appreciated.
pardon if mahaba story. gusto ko detailed para you guys will have a clearer idea.

ito kasi situation ko:
we started renovating our store nung october or september. so parang 1 big store tapos dinivide into 2. so nung september,
nasa old store pa kami. yun tapat na store namin magrenovate din, pero hindi pa sila nagstart. so parang gumawa sila ng barricade
by the use of steel (not sure yun proper term dito) tpaos meron door. tapos meron guy na naka-bantay doon. yun door na yun, hindi
directly naka-tapat sa old store namin. yun distance ng store namin sa store nila is yun parang sa taft. kasi sa taft kami mismo.
so imagine store namin nasa isang side, tapos yun store nila nandun sa kabilang side, so sa tapat namin.
at times napapansin ko lagi nakatingin sa akin. but naisip im being delusional, baka nakatingin lang sa store namin. or baka im
picking my nose kaya tinitignan niya ako and pinagtatawan. or baka pinagtatawan nya ako kasi i used to wave a lot (kasi meron cctv
sa store, so i wave doon sa cctv where my brother is watching me from our house). so pinabayaan ko lang. hindi ko rin masyado
pinapansin siya kasi i used to play a lot of ipad sa store, puro sermon na nga abot ko sa dad ko.

then nung october, sa new store na kami. binawasan ko na ipad ko kasi ayaw ko na masermonan ng dad ko.so most of the time
i look outside kasi wala naman ibang matignan. then napansin ko na he kept on looking at the store's direction, specifically my
direction. but hindi ko pa rin sure kasi siyempre baka tinitignan lang nya dad ko who is nasa tabi ko lang. but i recorded the
whole time na nakatingin siya sa direction namin, and feel ko sa akin naka-direct yun eyes nya. i noticed it for the whole october,
pero pinabayaan ko lang kasi syempre unang reason bakit siya tumitingin is of course store namin yun nasa harap nya.
pero i started feeling uncomfortable na.

then today, talagang nagburst yun bubble ng uncomfortableness ko. morning pa lang, when he kept on staring at my
direction, sobrang uncomfortable na talaga. na gusto ko na umuwi ng house para hindi siya makita.
the whole day nasa store ako, i feel uncomfortable and naiiyak talaga ako but hindi ako makaiyak kasi nandun parents ko.
i told my dad na hindi ba suspicious kasi he kept on looking at our store and kahit na last month na nasa old store kami, store pa
rin namin yun nakikita niya. sabi ng dad ko, in a rude voice pa (kaya super mas naging masama loob ko) "Alangan naman
magkulong siya sa loob ng store looking at nothing. siyempre lalabas din yan para meron air". so yun, kala ko delusional ako.
pinabayaan ko. after 1 hr, i had to check yun mga binili ng customer so nasa medyo harap ako ng store na left side from
my original position. sa new position ko, hindi ako makikita nung guy sa tapat unless sinadya pa niya magmove ng
position. but i saw him moving to a position para tignan ko. that time talaga gusto ko magbreak down. mga 10am yun  e,
so from that time until 530pm super naiiyak ako. my mom said baka akala ko lang ako tinitignan. so wala din ako masabi, kasi
it's a reasonable point.

hindi ko matanong mga tauhan ko kasi guys sila lahat. hardware kasi kami, so 4 guys na tauhan and then my dad and then ako.
ako lang girl dun. im 28.

paguwi ko, nagtreadmill ako kasi i want to get rid of the thoughts nga. the whole time hindi parin ako mapa-kali.

then when i took a bath, doon na ako umiyak. bigla na lang ako umiyak, hindi ko alam bakit. e buti na lang naliligo ako dun,
ang excuse ko sa parents ko napasukan ako ng shampoo sa mata kaya medyo reddish. i need other women's opinion if im being delusional or what. kasi feel ko as a woman, malalaman naman natin
if iba na yun tingin sa atin ng lalaki. but the problem is ako lang nakakapansin so hindi ko alam if
tama ba nafefeel ko or what.

it happens mon-sat, kapag open store. hindi ko alam if sunday ganun din na nasa labas ng store yun guy watching our
store din or not, kasi wala naman ako sa store ng sunday.

and would you know of any lawyer that deals with that stuff? parang i wanna hire someone kasi na magoobserve lang
to verify if im being delusional or not.

any help would be appreciated. tnx!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Purple_Power on November 17, 2013, 03:09:55 pm
^Sis hindi ko lang kasi maimagine kung paano yung pagkatitig sayo eh! I am thinking otherwise if that guy just like you pero meron kasi na iba parang may pagka obsess na yung tingin na sa sobrang kagustuhan niya parang may delikadong gagawin. Na-capture mo na ba kung paano siya makatingin? Sana may spy camera ka for you to review and ask others opinion.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Joanne_ on November 21, 2013, 01:12:01 pm
I need help.
I think I'm at the verge of committing something I don't want to do to my self.
 :'(

I have been meaning to write something here, if only to get things off my chest.
But I have been stopping myself.

Now's the time.

I grew up in a house full of people swearing at me, doors slamming at my face.
Given what the environment was like when I was growing up, I am the type of person that swears A LOT in a regular conversation, but NEVER does, when I am mad.
Because i believe that it'll be pure hatred, if I say those words when I am mad.

I have been living with my partner for 4 years now, have been blessed with a wonderful son who's a year old now.
Times of bliss sure are at the early stage of each relationships, cause we have had ours.

Don't get me wrong, he's a very patient guy. He sees to my needs when we still have no kid, and still tends to our needs now. I know all relationships have its ups and down, wouldn't even be a relationship if it doesn't.

But when he gets mad, verbal abuse comes out.
He would swear at me, and sometimes calls me names.
I felt belittled every time he does that, or slams the door shut at me.
And it just hurts so much that someone you love so dear would do things to you - things you have been wishing you won't get to experience again with the man you chose to be with.

The physical abuse started at the 2nd year of our relationship, give or take.
It started with slaps, tearing - literally - my hair off my scalp, crumpling my ears like he's crumpling papers in his hands, escalated to him choking me.

All these, and I am still with him.
Oh I have been wanting and wishing and praying and crying to get away from this hellhole - yes I see it as a hellhole now.
I was ready to move in with my parents again, it was my ticket out of here, when he talked to my parents and told them why we fought.
And my parents thought I was just getting bitchy, my dad went here, I got a slap on the face.

Never had I told them how physically abusive he can be, save for that one time my dad was here.
But he wanted me and my partner to give it another try.

That night, we fought.
I got beat up.
I told him not hurt our son, he said "I won't hurt (my son's name), I will only hurt you."
Something in me just gave up.
I was nodding, giving him the permission to continue choking me.
I didn't even fight anymore, my will just gave up.
In my mind - at that moment - I was peacefully telling him I love him, and that I forgive him and that I won't hold him responsible for my soon-to-be death.
I was at peace with the thought of him ending everything for me.
That was when he stopped and started taking me into his arms, apologizing.
We had a talk, he wanted to start a fresh.
I didn't want to, but knowing I have nowhere to go to, I agreed.
Yes, I used him. In a sense that I chose to stay to have a roof over my head - until I get myself a work again.

Nov 6, everything just dramatically escalated.
We fought, he hit me with his knee on my private area, gave a good slit on my mouth for a lil punch, hit the side of my head with my son's bottle, clammed me on the floor, arm-choked me.
Elbowed me on the forehead.
And boy was I fighting.
I was fighting so much I didn't even feel the blood surging from my split opened left brow.

When I finally came to sense that I was bleeding, he was already hugging me.

I went to his aunt's place, his sister treated me, and I went back to our place like nothing happened.

Am I so delusional to WISH that every time me and my partner fight, I wish we could just fight normally and not hurt each other?

It's been more than two weeks now, no apologies, no talks, no nothing from him.
1st day after the fight, he brought me no food.
2nd day and days after, I only eat once a day, because that's just what he brings me.

He hasn't slept here in our room, since that day.
He sleeps in another room.
I haven't cried since the day it happened.
But today, I just had to break down, and I have been crying since morning.
He washed his and our son's clothes and leaves mine.
I pity myself so much right this moment, that I know he might not want me here anymore, but I don't have the means to leave nor have the will to do so.
Every time I think of crashing at a friend's place, I feel so weak thinking I'd be leaving my son.
No money. No place to stay.
And no son to be with?

I fell asleep beside my son.
And I woke up with him sitting beside me, looking at, I don't know me or my son, but that was the first time we were that close since two weeks ago.

I'm so confused.
I know I'm letting my pride get the best of me but I really want to leave.
I want him to realize that it's not ok to hurt me and be fine with it afterwards.

And that I don't like hurting him.
I don't like hitting him back.
I feel like I kill myself whenever I hit him back, but I have to show him he can't keep doing that.

I don't know who I have become anymore.
My friends are telling me I have changed.
I used to not tolerate any kind of s*** a guy throws at me.
I used to not swear when I am mad but now all I do is swear at whomever I am mad at.
I used to just take the beatings and not hit back, but now I feel the need to do so, if only to wake him up that he's hurting me.

And it's either I get killed here, or I kill my self if I get the money to buy drugs to OD.

But then again, maybe it's me.
Maybe I really am to blame and I deserve to be physically abused to remind me of it.

I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know who I have become.


And I am so sorry for making this so long.
I needed a way to release all these.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Joanne_ on November 21, 2013, 06:06:51 pm
I would really love to share this to everyone.
Sa ngayon hindi ko pa kaya, pero malapit na yung time na magagawa ko to...

It’s a promise that honors self-respect and encourages healthy relationships. If you follow these simple points, you will find permanent freedom from toxic bonds:

1. I will never beg or plead for someone else again. Any man or man who brings me to that level is not worth my heart.
2. I will never tolerate criticisms about my body, age, weight, job, or any other insecurities I might have. Good partners won’t put me down, they’ll raise me up.
3. I will take a step back from my relationship once every month to make sure that I am being respected and loved, not flattered and love-bombed.
4. I will always ask myself the question: “Would I ever treat someone else like this?” If the answer is no, then I don’t deserve to be treated like that either.
5. I will trust my gut. If I get a bad feeling, I won’t try to push it away and make excuses. I will trust myself.
6. I understand that it is better to be single than in a toxic relationship.
7. I will not be spoken to in a condescending or sarcastic way. Loving partners will not patronize me.
8. I will not allow my partner to call me jealous, crazy, or any other form of projection.
9. My relationships will be mutual and equal at all times. Love is not about control and power.
10. If I ever feel unsure about any of these steps, I will seek out help from a friend, support forum, or therapist. I will not act on impulsive decisions.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: shakeshake on November 21, 2013, 09:10:18 pm
buti naman merong mga ganitong support group. hindi pala ako nagiisa :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Joanne_ on November 21, 2013, 09:42:15 pm
I know it took a lot of courage for our dear sisters to share their stories. I am a physician and I did volunteer work for an organization that extends help to women in abusive relationships. They offer temporary shelter, counselling, legal and medical advice. Please feel free to PM me if you (or your friends) would want to get in touch with this organization.

This person's reply have been posted so long, but I hope to God you're still around.
Sadly, I can't send any personal massages, I don't know why, but please, if you read this, lemme know :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: maiandra on November 23, 2013, 02:55:51 am
sis Joanne_, nakakatakot yung nangyari sayo. I'm not an expert pero it sure would be best to do something drastic na, like report it to Women's helpdesk or the police. Don't waste a minute to go back to your parents house, it's not safe to stay with him na. Just do that first step. Sobra na yung violence nya sayo, as in gusto ko na nya halos patayin. If you need support, andito lang kami sa GT every step of the way.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: gurlzat03 on February 10, 2014, 11:57:30 am
Up ko lang 'tong thread na 'to mga sis..

Had encountered violence for the past few days with my husband..Comparing my story to the previous one shared, I would say that mine was a little bit mild pa pero violence is still a violence..

For now, I just let God guide upon me and my 8 months old baby girl.. I just need to plan the things that I need to do.. Pero as of the moment, all I want is to leave that house together with my baby..

Sisses, let's continue praying for all the women who's in this same situation..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: maiandra on February 12, 2014, 02:24:44 am
Why sis, what did he do to you? 8 months ols pa lang baby mo, kaya na nya gawin yun sayo...
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: babyboo.0326 on February 12, 2014, 04:31:20 am
meron palang ganitong thread.. i think it's nice to open this up again.

gurlzat03, kahit ano pa ang excuse niya sa mga nagawa niya sayo and sa anak niyo, if you accept it once, uulit-ulitin lang niya yan. i hope you take care of your child and your safety first.

share ko lang, i have been in an abusive relationship din before. yung dad nung bunso ko, which is my partner for almost 5 years, while i was working and he was the one staying at home, became verbally abusive and later on, physical. he would tell me na mukha akong bruha, and pag nagalit siya ang nakainom, he would curse and swear at me. hanggang sa umabot na sa physical where he would wake me up in the middle of the night when he comes home drunk, hit me with a pillow and swear, "g*** ka ah!" staring at me na parang sasaksakin niya ako. there's this one time na lumayo na ako sa kanya but he threw his plate at me, tinamaan ako sa chin. nung pumasok ako ng room, sumunod siya, he attempted to punch me in the face, nakailag lang ako.

after that kinausap ko siya, sabi ko bakit niya yun nagagawa sa akin, nagagawa lang daw niya yun pag galit siya. so i was thinking, "e pano tuwing galit ka nalang yan ang excuse mo to hit and curse me?"

slowly my love for him died. until one day he said he wanted to leave our house and stay muna sa kanila. that paved the way for me to realize na yun talaga ang gusto ko at yun na ang chance ko. pero when i didn't contact him anymore, he contacted me and when i told him na ayaw ko na, he went to my office, and waited for me outside. kinailangan ko pang humingin ng tulong sa guard namin para lang makalabas ako ng office namin na hindi niya ako nakikita kasi i know once he gets a hold on me, sasaktan niya ulit ako.

all those times, hindi alam ng friends and family ko yun. until nung day na nag-decide na ako na ayaw ko na talaga, saka lang ako nag-open sa kanila. oh, and pag nagagalit pala siya sa anak namin, who was then 2 years old pa lang, papaluin niya yun ng slippers niya, na sa sobrang lakas maririnig ko kahit nasa labas ako ng room namin.

sisters, we just have to learn to be firm and love ourselves more. kahit pa siguro legally married kami nung ex ko, if he were like that, hindi ako magdadalawang-isip ulit na hiwalayan siya.

i remembered pa, when he went back to our house to get his clothes, pinapasok siya ng sister ko kasi wala naman ako dun. tapos when i came home, nakita ko yung picture ko, nakadikit sa mirror ko sa dresser, tapos may message siyang sinulat sa likod - "walanghiya ka! mamamatay ka rin PI ka!"
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: LeallianFaye on August 15, 2014, 08:03:11 pm
Up ko lang mga sis.


victim din ako ng verbal abuse although hindi galing sa partner ko more on sa mga aunts and uncle ko coming from both sides of the family. Ever since nung bata pa ako nakakatanggap na ko ng verbal abuse sa eldest aunt ko sa father side, Nakalimutan ko na almost lahat pero recently lang bumalik yung aunt ko and nagmemessage sa facebook ang dami niyang sinasabi halos lahat masasakit at talagang mapapaiyak ka at kung mahina ang loob mo talagang hindi mo kakayanin mga sinasabi niya. Best way is to avoid talaga ang mga taong ganyan, iwasan na magkaroon ng communication sa kanila.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: mimigarcia on November 03, 2014, 09:04:24 am
Mga sis pahelp naman ako hirap na hirap na ko sa asawa ko
hindi kami kasal gusto ko na siya hiwalayan kaso tinatakot
niya ako huhuhu. napaka dimonyo niya lalo na pag nalalasing
sana mamatay na siya!!! huhuhu!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: PINKAHOLIC on December 16, 2014, 04:26:21 pm
I am not abused, my mom is. Gusto ko sya lumaban pero sadyang martyr sya since then.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Girltalker2 on December 17, 2014, 12:43:26 am
^ sis, for abused people like your mom, feeling ko need lang nila talaga ng as much support. Try talking to her as often as possible, kahit hindi tungkol sa abuse, Basta kasama lang sya.

To be honest, when I was in that situation, I just wished for a hero (a friend, relative) to support me and do things for me - like look for a lawyer to defend me, to fight for my rights. Pero eventually na realize ko, bibihira ang tao na mag step in at mag himasok sa buhay mo ng ganyan and I eventually learned to fight back for myself.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ellababy on May 23, 2015, 11:47:17 am
Good day sisses, i need an advice...
3 years na kaming kasal ni hubby ok naman kami nung umpisa, until nung 6 months pregnant ako nabarkada sya sa isang addict at naging ganun na din sya. 8 months preggy ako nung nawalan sya ng work dahil na din sa hindi sya pumapasok dahil gumagamit sya, dun na nag start yung pananakit nya sakin kasi kahit wala syang work tuloy pa din sa bisyo at ang ginagasta nya yung pera ko na nakalaan sa panganganak ko. kahit 1 week pa lang nung nanganak (cs) ako sinasaktan pa din nya ko pag inaaway ko sya dahil sa bisyo nya. nabaon ko din ako sa utang dahil sa kanya. pero nung lumipat kami ng house malapit sa parents nya nung 3 mos na baby namin nagbago naman sya pero wala pa din work sya nag aalaga sa baby namin. nitong march lang nag balik na naman yung bisyo nya dahil nagkaron ulet sya ng friend na adik pati yung pananakit nya sakin bumalik mas matindi ngayon dahil suntok sa ulo na yung ginawa sakin. gusto kong maghiwalay kami kaso ayaw nya, binabantaan nya ko na papatayin ako pag nagsumbong sa pulis at hindi ko daw mapapakinabangan ang 1 year old baby ko. natatakot ako mga sis, gusto ko sya ipakulong pero pano kung makalaya sya at patayin kami?? anak ko na lang mahalaga sakin. :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on May 23, 2015, 01:24:38 pm
^ I was also abused before and I was able to get away

Eto gawin mo sis. You have to plan your escape. You and your baby cannot live there anymore. So first things first, kausapin mo muna parents mo if you can stay with them for the time being muna and tell them this issue sa asawa mo. Plan it as a family how you will get out of that situation. Pasama ka na sa lalakeng family member mo, if you have an older brother or your father, to go to the barangay and report everything, ipa-blotter mo na asawa mo. Then when ready ka na to get out of the house, dumaan ka muna sa baranggay, get a protection order, then sasamahan ka nila to go home and get your kid and things, there and then ipapapirma na sa kanya ang protection order. Yung temporary protection order is good for 15 days... 15 days na hindi siya pwede makalapit sa inyo ng anak mo, hindi siya pwede magcontact or kausapin ka.. Dahil pag ginawa niya yun, instant kulong yun.. Papadampot siya. So do not be afraid. After those 15 days, puwedeng puwede mo iparenew ito into a Permanent Protection Order. Yan, pangmatagalan na yan na hindi niya kayo puwede gambalain ng anak mo. Walang bayad yan as far as I know. And please don't go back to him anymore.. HIndi na siya ever magbabago. Sisirain niya lang buhay ninyong mag-ina. I'm sure you wouldn't want that.

Even if wala kang kasamang family member na sasama sayo and ang baranggay people to get your kid and stuff, okay lang.. Coz anjan ang mga taga baranggay.. They are more than enough to keep you away from harm... Anyway bago ka naman makakapasok sa bahay ninyo eh papalabasin muna asawa mo at ihohold siya somewhere until you are done

Huwag ka matakot sis. Kayang kaya mo yan. Tiklop yang asawa mo once makakita ng baranggay officials . Huwag ka na mahiya ano sasabihin ng mga kapitbahay mo. The only thing important is to get your kid and your necessities and get away from him ASAP. Kaya mo ng gawin to within this month.

God is on your side. Pray for strength and courage. Take care sis and update us. Life will be so much better kapag naka alis ka na sa kanya :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ellababy on May 23, 2015, 01:36:17 pm
^sis momentum, salamat po sa advice pero naisip ko pa lang yan naisip nya na din. ang sabi nya pag sinumbong nya ko sa pulis siguraduhin ko lang daw na hindi na sya makakalaya kasi pag pag nakalaya daw sya papatayin nya kami. nakatira po kami ngayon katabi lang house ng parents ko pero hindi ako makapag sumbong kasi idadamay sila. :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on May 23, 2015, 03:31:39 pm
^sis ganyan naman sila, tatakutin ka nila para wala ka ng gagawin. But hanggang salita lang yan sila, kapag may officials/taga baranggay na tiklop yan. Ilang years na ba ganyan set-up? Believe me kapag ginawa mo yang inadvice ko, magugulat yan kasi hindi niya alam na kaya mo pala

If fear lang papairalin mo, walang mangyayari sayo. You will be stuck with him forever. Gusto mo ba na umabot pa sa level na pati anak ninyo eh sasaktan narin niya? Im sure not. So tama na and don't let it reach that level

Yung pag laya mo sa kanya naka depende lahat yan sa simpleng disisyon mo to make it happen. Hindi niya kakayaning saktan pamilya mo lalo nat kung may tulong ng baranggay. Maging matapang ka na! Buhay mo at anak mo ang nakasalalay dito. Kung di ka pa gumawa ng paraan now pagsisisihan mo yan. Ikaw lang ang iblablame dahil wala kang ginawa.

Hindi siya Diyos na kelangan katakutan. And like what I said, after the temporary protection order is the permanent protection order. Since nagdrudrugs narin siya you should report and file a case narin

Oh and you should get a medico legal when he beats you up., agad agad. Coz that is evidence. Take pics too. Tell your parents now! Stop covering his true ugali sa parents mo. Please lang. If you dont want to do this for yourself, do it for your kid.

P.S -- pls dont get yourself pregnant again! Dont add more complication. Make sure you use contraceptives. Actually you should not have sex with him anymore imo
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: glamorosa_09 on May 23, 2015, 04:59:34 pm
Sis ellababy,

Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo sis. May influence kasi ng drugs ang asawa mo, hindi mo malaman kung anong mga tumatakbo sa isip niya.

Sabi mo naman pag hindi sya nag-aadik, maayos naman syang tao. Pero nung bumalik ulit sya sa paggamit, bumalik ulit yung pananakit nya at pananakot sayo.

Hindi kasi ito yung typical na abusive mentality dahil may involved na drugs. And kung high sya, hindi malayong mag wild sya. Baka it's rehab that he needs?

Alam ba ng mga magulang nya yung nangyayari sa inyo?

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ellababy on May 25, 2015, 10:05:45 pm
Ang hirap mga sis, kasi hindi naman ako natatakot para sa sarili ko kundi para sa anak ko na baka madamay. pero naisip ko nga din na baka nga nananakot lang.

nag tetext ako sa nanay at ate nya pero ang text lang sakin "ano bang magandang gawin dyan?". sabi ko sabihan nyo, kausapin nyo baka makinig sa kanila pero hindi naman ginawa ni hindi na nagreply sakin. kaya binura ko na mga numbers nila dahil wala namang silbi. nag save na ko ng numbers ng police and barangay kung sakaling saktan ako ulit. one month ago yung huling pananakit nya  :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ellababy on May 30, 2015, 11:54:11 pm
Share ko lang.... sa wakas nagawa ko ding magsabi sa family ko, tinulungan nila akong magpa blotter sa women's desk, nakakuha na din kami ni baby ng protection order. Ang nagpaalis sa asawa ko yung women's desk officer mismo, una ayaw pang tanggapin gusto daw akong makausap pero matigas talaga yung officer. Sa ngayon safe kami ni baby, nasa house kami ng sister ko dahil baka bumalik dun sa house namin yung asawa ko. Thank you sis momentum sa advice. :) Ask ko lang sana kung after ng barangay protection order anong next step mo sis?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on May 31, 2015, 08:18:32 pm
^im so happy for you sis napakalaking step yan na ginawa mo and believe me makikita mo yung difference ng buhay mo ng wala siya

Sis yung next step is either file a permanent protection order once nag expire na yung temporary protection order. While naka temporary kayo sis, pag-isipan mo na, and ask narin advice sa family mo, kung ano na talaga gusto mo maging status ninyong mag-asawa? Do you want to separate for good na ba? Actually sis hindi na magbabago asawa mo so I think it is really best na maghiwalay kayo, kasi magbibisyo pa siya eh so doble na dapat mag-iingat ka.

You can also ask advice sa women's desk, kung ano steps para kasuhan asawa mo or file an annulment pero mahal ito. Sabi ko sayo sis eh hindi makakapalag yang asawa mo once may officials.. Tinatakot ka lang talaga ng g@g0 na yun para di ka magka lakas loob magsumbong sa baranggay at family mo. Kita mo, tiklop siya diba?

Sis ipa blotter mo narin asawa mo sa baranggay ninyo. Sayang at hindi ka nakapag medico legal last time sinaktan ka niya para may evidence ka to use once decided ka na magpa annul. But that's okay. Once mag report ka na ng pang aabuso niya sayo that can be evidence parin that can last long.. Sabi nga eh kahit the abuse happened years ago pero now ka lang nagreport eh valid parin yun.. Pero syempre mas ok parin kapag recent at may medico legal. Sis dont forget ipa-xerox yung blotter report na gagawin ng baranggay for you. Evidence mo yan. Make copies.

Use this time to think about what you want to happen sis and work on it. Para sakin huli mo na siguro isipin ang annulment. What's important now is to keep yourself and your child safe and away from him. So work on first the blotter, the permanent protection order, maybe scout a different job narin since baka alam ni husband san ka nagwowork and you'll never know what he can do so eliminate that added risk. I hope he doesn't know rin where you live now. Tapos report mo narin siya sa pulis about his substance use at abuse. Pwde nila siya kasuhan at padalhan mg warrant of arrest. If you don't have the money for a lawyer pwde ka iassign nila ng PAO, yung libreng lawyer. Filing a case will take time. Alam mo naman dito sa pinas matagal bago ka makakuha ng justice lalo kapag wala kang pera.. You have to make sure too sis na determined ka to do it till the end kasi baka mamaya sumuko ka sa bandang gitna.

Hope you are feeling so much better now sis. Im so happy for you, really. Take care sis and update us lagi. God bless :)
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ellababy on May 31, 2015, 10:52:59 pm
Ibang iba talaga pakiramdam ngayon lalo na at nasasabi ko na lahat ng nasasaloob ko sis. Pero medyo nalilito pa din nga ako kasi mabait talaga sya nuon, kundi lang dahil sa drugs. Yung huling pag uusap namin nung humingi sya ng tawad ang sabi ko lang magpa rehab sya, magtrabaho sya,ayusin nya buhay nya baka sakaling mapatawad ko sya. Pero sa ngayon hindi matindi pa ang takot at galit ko sa kanya. Alam kong masakit mawalay sa anak pero pagdusahan nya ginawa nya.

Pano po ba mag apply ng permanent protection order? Nag apply ka ba nito sis?
Naisip ko kasi baka dumating yung time na magbagong buhay sya at gustong sumuporta sa anak tapos may ppo na kami?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on June 01, 2015, 04:30:15 am
Sis paki tanong nalang yung sa women's desk paano yung process sa permanent protection order. Ang alam ko is pede naman i-lift ito kapag ayaw mo na.. Alam ko rin is pede mo rin irenew yung temporary kung ayaw mo muna ng permanent

Sis, you should only go back to him kapag nagbago na siya.. Meaning kung may stable job na, hindi na nagdrudrugs etc. im telling you sis it will take time.. And it will be hard kung andun ka sa kanya kasi mag yoyoyo pa yan - one day ok, one day hindi.. Mapapagod ka lang. So better be at a safe distance nalang while inaayos niya sarili niya. Plus sis, you dont really know if he wants to change after all, after all of this. So this is a good time rin for him to assess himself ano ba talaga gusto niya gawin sa buhay niya.. If he wants na bumalik kayo ng anak mo sa buhay niya then he knows that he has to work on himself first kundi hindi mangyayari na babalik ka mg hindi siya magbabago at gagawin ka nanaman niyang punching bag.

Work on yourself din sis during this time. Im sure nawala yung self confidence at esteem mo kasi yan ang typical na nasisira kapag in an abused relationship.. Learn to love yourself again and be stronger this time and build this strenghth na from now on you won't allow anyone to treat you like sh!t again.. You wont allow that to happen to you again

Huwag mo na muna iisipin yang scenario na kapag nagbago siya ano gagawin mo coz believe me sis it will take a long time especially kung may drugs involved. Tignan mo ako, wala pang one year kami magkasama pero nilayasan ko dahil sa abuse and it has been 5yrs na since that happened and wala parin ako nakitang drastic changes..kaya hindi ako bumalik.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: ellababy on June 01, 2015, 03:58:24 pm
Yun nga sis, willing akong patawarin sya and pwede na din nya ma visit yung anak namin kung talagang nagbago na talaga sya. Pero yung balikan sya? parang ayoko na, babalik pa ba ko kung nakalaya na ko? para sa bata na lang siguro.

Sa ngayon, hindi na sya tumatawag or nagtetext pero kinakabahan pa din akong baka bigla na lang sumulpot dito sa house or sa office. Ask ko lang sis, si hubby mo ba after nung umalis kayo kinulit ka pa or hindi na? nag apply ka din ba ng permanent?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on June 01, 2015, 05:01:17 pm
^sumunod siya sa temporary protection order na bawal makipagusap at makipagkita .. Pero after nagexpire yun, nagstart na uli siya magparamdam.. Pero hindi parin siya nagbago..
Even if dito ako nakatira sa mama ko, nagawa parin niya manggulo, saktan ako at abangan ako sa labas. Basta on and off ganun siya kaya never na talaga ako bumalik o pumayag to live with him again. Actually dapat magfifile narin ako ng permanent protection order pero usually naman after niyang manggulo and we end up in the baranggay, hindi na siya nagpaparamdam pa..
Actually ang yabang niya sa harap ng mga pulis na saying na hindi na siya magkokontak at sa isang point pa nga eh sinira niya pa sim nya sa harap naminh lahat.. As if naman na hahabulin ko siya or kukulitin sa text. Siya naman lagi ang nagmamake ng way na makausap ako para makipag balikan or whatever

Yah sis sa bata nalang. Im telling you sis wag mo na pahabain pa kalbaryo mo..na on off kayo kagaya ng ngyari sakin kasi wala eh, hirap magbago yung mga ganung tao..
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: unagurl on June 05, 2015, 02:48:26 pm
Please help.

We are together for 6 years now. Not married but with 3 kids. Wala pa kaming anak lagi siya lumalayas. Gano kaliit ang problema he cannot handle it, lalayas (hindi [textspeak!] may dalang damit, yung literal na kumakaripas ng takbo kahit wala siyang brief o tsinelas), mananakit, magwawala, verbally abusive. Afterwards, very remorseful na. Malambing. Babawi ng panandalian.

May instances bigla nya ako tatakbuhan in public. Or pag nasa bahay. I developed traumas. I am always worried laging takot. Di nya kaya maghandle ng problems, may ba na walang problema? At kung magkaproblema man dapat [textspeak!] problema "gusto" nya or else, wala kagulo na naman.

Nabuntis ako at sa 3x na pagbubuntis, every pregnancy lumalayas siya. Nagkakasakitan kami. Verbally and emotional abusive. Ganun rin pagkaanak. Apektado health ng kids ko dahil sobrang depressed ako while pregnant.

Little did i know i developed severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder.

6 years paulit ulit. Di ako makalaban kasi he has a special way of making you look as the villain. Sa huli nacoconvince ako na ako may kasalanan. Na galit siya, nangiiwan, nananakit dahil ako may fault. When he is okay he encourages me to excel and soar pero pano if his actions is baliktad?

Everytime na magaaway kami parati akong takot, imbes na mafeel ko kaya namin harapin ang problema, hindi. Matatakot ako na baka lumayas siya o sakalin niya ako. Lagi nya sinasabi napipilitan nalang siya at naaawa. Ayaw na niya. Magdemandahan na. Pero pag okay na siya, binabawi nya lahat. Unti unti na nya ako naprogram na pag may nagawa siyang mali at kasalanan, patawarin ko nalang. Magmove on. Wag na isipin. Di ako pede magalit, malungkot. Bawal ang trauma. Manakit man o lumayas o magsalita ng masasakit o manakot, dapat mapagpatawad ako at ako magaadjust.

Sinosolo ko lahat. Wala nakakaalam nito kundi kami. Sasabog na ako. Gusto ko na magpa mental hospital. Gusto ko magtago sa shelter. Gusto ko na pakamatay. Im so confused. Lagi ko sinasabi sakanya, pagpahingahin naman [textspeak!] isip ko. Dko na kaya pero ayan na naman away na naman. Siya [textspeak!] magwawala. While i am left in the corner absorbing everything and fighting my emotions.

Nakakailang psychiatrists na rin kami. Pati mga kids apektado na. Takot na rin na baka lumayas siya lagi kabado. Nakikita kami nagkakasakitan at nagaaway. Nagiging normal na sa paningin nila.

Narealize ko sobrang lugi ko, bat pa ako magtitiis eh siya okay lang sakanya maghiwalay kami o magka gulo twing galit siya? Ano laban ko sa taong di pinaninindigan pamilya niya? I have no job and ive lost my friends and family dahil sa anim na taon na chaos na ito. Wala na ako malapitan. Natatakot ako mabaliw ng tuluyan at may magawang masama. Ambaba ng self esteem ko. Walang kumpyansa at lakas. Gusto ko na makatakas sa ganto ng walang eskandalo. :-(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on June 05, 2015, 02:59:09 pm
^ go to the women's desk in the baranggay sis..they can help you..just like how they helped me and the other sis dito. basahin mo mga stories dito makikita mo na nakawala sila..you can do it too. please do it for your children's sake pati narin sa katinuan mo. unti unti kang bumangon..reach out for help sa family mo..and once nakaalis ka na sa kanya, find a job na para kaya mo ng buhayin mag-isa kids ninyo..pero mag-heal ka muna..wala ng mas damaging pa kesa sa emotional at verbal abuse..alam ko yan, kahit ngayon I still feel traumatized.

basta do the first step sis gaya ng inadvice ko sa isang sis dito at sa ginawa ko rin nuon. find a way para makatakas ka sa bahay at go to the baranggay and ask for help. while you are there, contact your family na and ask kung puwedeng magstay muna kayo duon sa kanila kasama kids mo..they will surely understand and take you in..family is family..

this is the first step that you really have to do..you need to get your kids and yourself away from him. file for temporary protection order. para hindi kayo malapitan for 15 days. pwede irenew after that. this is the time also where you can think clearly..and plan the next chapter of your life na wala na siya sa buhay ninyo

God luck sis and update us..take care..huwag mo na patagalin pa....
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: maiandra on June 06, 2015, 04:49:44 am
sis wag ka manghinayang sa 6 yrs na pnagsamahan nyo. Panghinayangan mo yung mawawala sayo pag nagstay ka: Yung sanity mo, value, better opportunities, maybe a partner who will treat you better at papakasalan ka. Walang ppuntahan ang relationship niyo kundi cycle of abuse at depression. huwag mo na hintayin na pati kids mo ay saktan niya.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: snowkeis on July 24, 2015, 05:39:24 pm
hi po mga sis.. bago lang po ako dito.. need ko po ng advice nyo.. nagka-bf po ako for 2yrs, nghiwalay kami nung nalaman ko na may live in partner sya.. mahigit 6months na po kaming break pero until now po inaaway pa ko nung live in partner nya.. dumating na sa point na gumawa po sya ng account sa facebook, inadd [textspeak!] ibang kakilala ko, at sinisiraan ako sa mga posts nya.. ano po pwede kong gawin na action?

Paranoid sya sis. Stalker mo na sya ngayon. Block mo lang ng i-block sis mananawa din yan. Nangyari na yan sakin. Hindi ko pinapatulan dahil alam naman ng mga kaibigan ko, ng pamilya ko ang totoo. Sa ginagawa nya, nagmumukha sya katawa-tawa.

Pwede mo rin sis kausapin sya sa facebook na lang no need na harapin pa. Ask ano ba talaga gusto nya at tigilan ka na nya. after nya ma -seen block. Block lang ng block sis.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: gentai_chan on October 08, 2015, 04:05:36 pm
hi sisses i'm subscribing to this thread. I was relieved somehow that there are a lot of women suffering from these men who do not have the balls to become a man. I left my husband (not married yet pala) alongg with my youngest child and my sister who's a teen. Anyway same story din I've been a victim of verbal/emotional and physical abuse. Minumura niya ko palagi pag nag aaway, sinasabihan ng t*nga, b*bo, pangit, pok p*k, walang kwentang ina. Hindi sy nagpapatalo and mataas tingin nya sa sarili nya which is ironic since ako yung may regular income samin and he has his own business na hindi nman ganun kalakas and may nakukuha sya sa pensyon ng mga magulang nya. He also threatens me pag nag aaway kami na papatayin nya ko at sobrang baba na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko. Just like most of the mothers, as much as possible I would stay for the sake of my kids dahil lumaki ako withou my parents on my side pero as I researched and read the stories similar with mine, I finally decided that this has to stop and that it's time for me
to regain my self respect and worth. Ayoko ding lumaki ang mga anak ko na may nakikitang demonyo. We're in the process of moving and I know this wouldn't be easy at first but I know God is with us, always.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on October 08, 2015, 05:23:18 pm
^ sad na may nadagdagan nanaman dito sa thread but happy that you have decided to leave him. Stay strong sis for the kids. If you need someone to talk to you can pm me as I went through the same. God bless and take care of yourself. Life will get better once you leave him
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Purple_Power on October 09, 2015, 11:00:46 pm
^^Advantage rin na hindi kayo kasal kaya magiging madali lang rin for you na balang araw may tamang lalake at mabuting tao na magmamahal sayo. Just have strong faith lang. Your decision is right to leave with abusive man. With the threat of papatayin ka niya, please take it seriously kasi may iba na napanood ko sa news ginawa talagang katotohanan. If you can inquire the police regarding this matter then do so dahil iniwan mo na siya, pwede mo na siyang pa blotter. It is not really healthy to live with someone that is totally abusive kahit pa nga verbally eh!

Now I am hoping na you should leave him completely at never nang makikipagkita sa  inyo. Dapat lang na yung kid is with you
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: gm_icon7885 on October 19, 2015, 02:11:28 am
I never dreamed I'd be posting in this thread but it happened.

I've been married for a little over 2 years and have known my husband for five. He's a nice guy, no vices, magalang, maalaga, matalino, kaya nga nahulog loob ko sa kanya. However, about a year into our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, he and his family found out his dad had been unfaithful to his mom and has a child outside of the family. It devastated him and ever since then, I noticed his temper began to go out of control.

Still, mahal ko siya, I stood by him and married him. All in all, our marriage is a happy one, except for the big fights. We rarely have major fights but when we do, he becomes emotionally and psychologically abusive. He doesn't threaten me, but he would threaten to kill himself or harm himself and would often hurt himself in front of me. He would curse, though not directly at me, and would shout.

Then one time, he grabbed my wrists and squeezed so hard, it bruised. One time, I was being hysterical, I admit, and he slapped me. All those, I forgave, and he promised he wouldn't do it again. But only last night, we had one of our biggest fights. He grabbed my shoulders and when I tried to get away, he pinned me down and shook me, screaming at me. I tried to tell him na masakit na yung pagkahawak niya, pero he wouldn't stop. I managed to get away but he pulled me back and threw me on the bed, and if I hadn't grabbed hold, my head would've hit the wall. He still continued screaming obscenities after that and he only stopped when I screamed and cried na pinagbuhatan niya ako ng kamay.

I know this is probably not as grave as those experienced by others, but I just never really thought my sweet, loving husband would be capable of this. Right now, I've never seen him so sorry in my life. He tried to cook for me kanina, cleaned the house for me, even wrote me a love letter but I just screamed at him na he's not even trying. Why? Because this is what he does every time to make up for things. The same damn thing but what happened last night was just too much for me.

I myself have psychological issues. I have depression brought from abuse I experienced in my childhood. I am psychologically frail, and he knows that. So now, I don't know what to do. I want to forgive him pero takot na ako na maulit uli. Parang every encounter is escalating and I'm afraid he would turn out like his dad, who has recently begun to get physically abusive with his wife during fights about his extramarital affair.

Girls, i don't know what to do. I love my husband so much. He wasn't like this until he found out about his dad's affair. Girls, I need advice. Ending the marriage is out of the question. I've told him to seek help for his temper, and he always said he would especially after a fight, pero wala pa ring nangyayari. What do I do? Am I making too much out of this? Please help! :(
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: momentum on October 19, 2015, 08:03:08 am
^ hi sis im so sorry for what you are going through. I think the best solution is to seek professional, non-judgmental help..individually and as a couple. I am not sure who to recommend that would be fit sa situation ninyo..maybe other sissies could help you with recos.

hang in there. try to be as cool as possible to avoid outbursts of anger.
maybe while you are still finding a good counselor, if you see that his anger is escalating maybe one of you could leave the house for a moment to take a walk to cool down. because as long as you two are together in one roof, it will happen over and over again. but it is really best if you seek professional help na before it escalates further. take care sis and God bless!
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Purple_Power on October 20, 2015, 07:04:42 am
^^momentum is right your husband needs professional advise, ako ang sasabihin ko Psychologist talaga kasi serious case na ang nangyayari sa husband mo. Maybe your husband became devastated about your Dad. Feeling ko all the years ang inakala niya he had perfect and best family which is he became his pride tapos hindi niya matanggap yung feeling na hindi pala totoo yung perfect or best marriage ng parents niya. So yung galit niya ikaw ang pinagbabalingan niya kasi ikaw yung nasa tabi niya which is I find it dangerous already. Kapag ganyan that is not healthy anymore. I strongly advise na do it ASAP bago pa maging worst ang situation niyo. Don't expect him to do his own action, sabi mo nga wala pa rin nangyayari so meaning ikaw na talaga ang gagawa ng paraan at kikilos lahat about your husband.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: bipolarbear on January 19, 2016, 12:03:34 pm
what if ikaw yung abusive especially pag tinopak? i know it is not right and i am actually looking for help,, psychiatrist maybe?
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: scorpiowolf on December 23, 2016, 04:06:28 am
So I was surfing online and came upon GT and realized I had once started this thread and posted here 9 years ago!!! I had almost forgotten how I once wrote here, venting about my problems being an abused wife back then. I remember receiving such good advice and encouraging words here that I feel it is my turn to pay it forward.

So here I am 9 years from when I wrote the 1st post on this thread.  All I can say is THANK GOD, he saved me and gave me the strength to leave my abusive husband! Allow me to share a quick update of how much my life has changed in the past decade:

1. I have been annulled both in the civil courts and in the Catholic Church

2. I recently re-married someone kind, compassionate, intelligent, and successful. He patiently waited for years until I fixed my annulment. He was single before we got married, but it didn't matter to him that I was previously married and with a child.

3.  My child is still the best thing that has ever happened to me! I love my new husband but nothing will ever compare to the way I love my child.

4. My ex-husband does not give any child support whatsoever. I am so grateful that my family has helped me all throughout. They helped me get back on my feet from being a penniless housewife. I thank God for blessing me with a business that enables me to provide for the needs of my child.

4. My abusive ex-husband became a drug addict about 3 years ago. He has been in rehab for almost a year. It is his second time in rehab since in 2013.

5. When I got engaged to my 2nd husband my ex-MIL (mom of 1st abusive husband) called to tell me that her son still loves me and to give her son a chance even if he was in a drug rehab that time. I told her very nicely that I really tried my best and that even before he ever took drugs, he was already abusive.

6. My ex-MIL told me that during the height of my ex-husband drug addiction that he became very violent even towards his own parents. On one occasion, his own mother called the police because they could not take his violent behavior anymore.

7. My abusive ex-husband has been diagnosed as being Bi-Polar by his own psychiatrist consultant for drug treatment plan.

8. I am very happy with my life now and I am so thankful to God for all that he has done for me and my whole family. I am thankful to God for giving me a very loving husband who is the opposite of my ex in all ways.

9. LASTLY: LEAVING MY ABUSIVE EX-HUSBAND WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE IN MY LIFE!!!!!

Leaving him was the toughest thing I ever had to do. My self-esteem and confidence was at an all time low. I was emotionally scarred by being in an abusive relationship. I was a plain housewife with no income. My child was only a baby back then. I was still in-love with my abuser and that made very painful to leave. But, I knew he would never change, and that I had to save myself and leave him for the sake of my child.

When I did decide to finally leave for good, there were times I thought I would just stop breathing and just die from all the heartache. I had a classic case of Stockholm Syndrome and would sometimes doubt my decision. We even got back together on and off for a whole year after I left.  BUT I SWEAR that once i finally really did walk away, I had so many more blessings. I thought I could never love again, but I actually found someone who has shown me what REAL love and happiness and security feels like. I now have a NORMAL marriage without all the screaming and drama, and that makes me very very happy.

To other abused women out there, please don't ever stay with an abusive man just for the sake of your children. I promise you that your kids will GROW UP BETTER in a broken home, rather than grow up in a DYSFUNCTIONAL home with an abusive environment. You must save yourself and leave that toxic enviroment FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS.

Lastly, when you feel you do not have the courage and wisdom to leave your abuser, just PRAY PRAY PRAY! Surrender everything to God. Ask him to guide you and show you the way. Always remember to have faith and trust that God has bigger plans for you, and that you will find peace and happiness when you follow the path He has set before you.

Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Purple_Power on January 04, 2017, 07:31:44 pm
^I am so happy for you na sana naman marami pang mga babae ang makinig, maniwala at gawin ang sinasabi mo. Minsan kapag nag aadvise at nakakabasa ako tungkol rito ako rin ang nasasaktan siempre babae rin ako at minsan naman hindi ko pa rin maintindihan sa iba na ayaw pang iwan na mas iniintindi pa yung kinakasama nila kesa sa bata. Andun na ako umaasa na nagbabago pero sinasabi ko talaga na pag lumaki yan maaapektuhan yung bata mismo at baka makasama pa sa paglaki niya. Mas maigi pang explain na lang sa kanya ang pagiging broken home kesa sa sama sama pero araw araw naman masama ang environment.

Your abusive ex-husband must be thankful pa rin na nasa rehab lang siya or else alam mo naman ang admin ngayon, kapag nasa labas yan at nadiscover siyang addict, wala na siya sa mundo. Your decision is really RIGHT as your ex husband doesn't deserve a second chance. Kapag matindi ang bipolar niya he has possibility to be suicidal, nakarinig na rin ako ng ganyang disorder tapos nagsuicide.

Priority talaga ang bata rito, kung ako nga nilayo ko ang anak ko sa Lola ni hubby because of the toxic environment too, which is naintindihan naman ni hubby and even my MIL too.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Purple_Power on February 17, 2017, 07:44:24 pm
^Tanong ko lang, I understand you love him that much pero would you still imagine yourself na magtagal sa ganyang marriage? Kakayanin mo bang magtiis buong buhay mo? Kung ako ito mga options ko.

I value my self worth kaya hindi ako magtatagal sa kanya
Mahal ko siya pero dahil may mga hindi tolerable na attitude niya I would fight him back, makikipag sagutan at mag aaral ako ng self defense kapag nanakit siya.
I will report him to the authority.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: prickyslime on July 12, 2017, 12:55:30 pm
Is this thread still active? I belong in this thread and would like to share and seek advice
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: braveheart10 on May 21, 2019, 01:19:25 pm
Hi! Ask ko lang po kung pwedeng mag file ng protection order yung sister ko dahil nagsesend ng kung ano anong mga pangmumura at text yung lalakeng nakabuntis sa kanya? di sila kasal, hiwalay na sila at nasa amin yung sister at yung pamangkin ko. magkaibang barangay kami nakatira tapos sabi sa barangay namin sinabi na hindi nila jurisdiction yung location ng lalake. hinaharas niya yung sister ko pati tinatakot na idadamay kami. hindi na kasi sinasagot ng kapatid ko yung messages ng lalake na nanghihingi ng pictures ng anak nila pati gusto daw silang ipasyal dahil nga puro pangmumura sa kanya yung lalake pag humihingi siya ng suporta, paiba iba yung mood ng lalake hihingi ng tawad tas biglang mang haharas na naman. ayaw na payagan ng nanay ko na makalapit sa kapatid ko at pamangkin dahil masamang tao nga yung lalake. sinabi namin na makikita nya lang ang bata kung dadaan kami sa legal na paraan pero ayaw nya at kung ano anong text at messages pa din ang sinesend. nagpopost din sa facebook nya ng mga paninira sa amin na parang kami pa ang may kasalanan sa kanya.  napa blotter na namin sya pero ayaw tumigil. nagpunta na din kaming women's desk kaso naantala yung pag aasikaso nung election dahil na assign na yung police officer dun sa case.  pa advice naman po. thank you.
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Joynepunan11 on November 14, 2019, 10:27:56 am
Hi po . May ask po ako pede ko ba kasuhan yung babae ng kinakasama ko kahit di kami kasal ng kinakasama ko? Di naman ako sinaktan ng babae physically pero grabe naging impact sakin ng ginawa nila. Di nako maka kain at makatulog ng maayos lagi kong iniisip ginawa nila sakin sinaktan ko na din sarili ko inuntog ko ulo ko sa pader nilaslas ko yung kamay ko kase sobrang sakit ng ginawa nila sakin. Sinasaktan nila ko emotionally at mentally. Di nako makakilos ng maayos sa bahay kase lagi ko ginagawa ang umiyak lang ayaw ko man isipin di mawala sa isip ko pangloloko nila ano dapat kong gawin ng magkaroon naman ng kaluwagan sa nararamdaman ko
Title: Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
Post by: Girltalker2 on June 15, 2020, 08:29:09 am
Seeking for lawyer referrals for advise on this kind of relationship. Pa pm nalang. Thanks 😊