Girl Talk

Sex & Relationships => Married Life => Topic started by: shinies on March 27, 2018, 07:11:59 pm

Title: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: shinies on March 27, 2018, 07:11:59 pm
May mga ok sa in laws at nagsasabi na dapat mageffort na mahalin ang mga in laws.
Pero alam ko madami din naman di ok. Kailangan ba talaga na mahal mo in laws mo? Di ba ok naman din basta nirerespeto at inaalagaan sila?

Eto storya ko..
(Alam ko merong mga mas malala pa relasyon sa in laws nila.. Pasensya na wag niyo na lang siguro pansinin ito kung nakakainis at mababaw para sa inyo.)

Nung mag-BF/GF, ok kami ng pamilya ni BF. May mga business trip pa si BF noon na naiiwan magisa nanay niya at binibisita ko. As in nagbonding kami 2 lang ng nanay niya. Walang anak na babae kaya para bang ako yung daughter-they-never-had.
Sweet akong tao at tinuturuan ko din noon si BF na maging sweet sa magulang niya. Celebrate ng birthday, mother's day, father's day, etc. Natouch naman sila kasi hindi ganun anak nila at alam nilang ako nagtuturo.
Ok naman kami kahit magkaiba kami. Alam ko magkaiba culture/values ng pamilya ko sa kanila at nirerespeto ko naman yun. Ang turo din kasi sa akin ng magulang ko, iba iba ang family dynamics talaga ng mga tao.
Masasabi ko na noon, nahulog naman loob ko sa kanila.

Nagsimula problema nung nagsabi si BF na magpropose na siya sa akin. Imbis na matuwa, nagalit sila sa kanya.. Sabi paano naman daw sila? Naka-asa kasi yung mga magulang sa mga anak nila. Si BF pa lang may trabaho noon at nag-aapply pa lang kapatid niya.
Sinisi pa nila ako na aagawin daw yung pera na dapat sa kanila.. Sila yung tipo ng magulang ginagawang investment anak nila.
Simula nagkatrabaho si BF, tambay na lang sila sa bahay nag-iinternet. Binibigyan ng puhunan sa negosyo para magkasource of income sila, ayaw... Matanda na daw sila (pero mahilig lumabas labas kasama mga kaibigan o kamaganak).

Nung malapit na kasal, walang pamamanhikan. Ayaw nila. Magisa lang si BF na pormal na nagpaalam sa pamilya ko.
Sabi nila, di daw kasi nila gawain yun at hindi daw nila gusto makipagplastikan sa pamilya ko. Nasaktan kami ni BF dito at ang pamilya ko naman eh naramdaman walang respeto o konsiderasyon para sa kultura namin.
Sobra lungkot ng BF ko nito pakiramdam niya di siya mahal. Ako at ang pamilya ko na lang nagparamdam na mahal namin siya. Parang inako namin dahil ganun ugali ng pamilya niya.

Nung kasal na, nandun naman sila (muntik pang hindi umattend) pero may sariling mundo. Hindi man lang nakipagusap sa pamilya ko as in deadma level. Nagalala magulang ko at tinanong ako kung di ba ako minamaltrato nung mga in laws ko.

Kahit na masakit yung mga ginawa/sinabi nila, hindi ko naman tinigil mga ginagawa para sa kanila. Tuloy pa din ako sabihan si mister na kamustahin lagi pamilya niya. Ako din tagaorder ng mga regalo sa mga okasyon saka taga yaya na bumisita kami (minsan lang bisita kasi malayo bahay nila at madaling mapagod si mister sa pagdrive). Pag merong may sakit o emergency, punta agad sa kanila o bigay ng kailangan.

Wala silang problema sa amin. Dutiful daughter-in-law ako. Nagsasabi pa nga ng I love you nanay niya sa akin pero hindi ko sila mahal.. Nakakaguilty pero kailangan ko sagutin kahit na hindi totoo para sa akin.
Sinubukan ko pa na araw arawin makipagkamustahan sa kanila pero hanggang dun lang.
Lahat ng ginagawa ko, para kay mister talaga kasi gusto ko maganda relasyon at pakikitungo sa pamilya niya.

Kahit na ilang taon na din ang nakalipas, ang naiisip ko na dahilan bakit ganito ako eh kasi hindi naman sila nagsorry noon. Kaya wala din pagpapatawad dun sa mga ginawa at sinabi nila sa akin, kay mister, at sa pamilya ko kasi para sa kanila, walang mali sa ginawa nila..



Para sa mga nakakarelate, yung mga magkaiba values sa in laws o kaya may mga differences etc etc, did you learn to love your in laws? O keri lang basta civil kaya at ginagawa niyo duty niyo bilang daughter/son-in-law?
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: kvan on March 27, 2018, 10:57:50 pm
Personal opinion, you don't have to. You can be civil but you don't have to love them.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: khaleesiCersei on March 27, 2018, 11:29:29 pm
Never haha! Civil lang, respeto lang sa nakakatanda at lots of boundaries haha! Kasi kahit anong gawin ko hindi naman nila maaappreciate. May nalalaman pang hindi naman daw ako kadugo. Eh di wag haha im soo happy at hindi ko talaga sila kadugo noh! Pero civil naman kami, plastikan. Pero never kong kinamusta or nag effort. Nadala na ako. Tama na yung pag may okasyon na lang magkita kita hehe
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: keejac21 on March 28, 2018, 07:28:50 am
Me too, hindi ko sila magawang mahalin. Pero yung respect hindi naman mawawala.
Inuunawa ko din kahit 100% financially dependent sila sa amin. Pero minsan di ko maiwasan mag maldita... Yung pagod ka galling sa office at sinuong mo yung traffic pauwi, tapos nakita mo yung inlaws mo at bayaw mo, nakahilata sa sofa.

Iniisip ko na lang na hindi naman aabot sa 200 yrs old yung inlaws ko.  ;D
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: simang on March 28, 2018, 08:50:56 am
I don't think it's required to love your inlaws like you love your parents, but if you can, why not? Pero, respect, I think is necessary.

Buti na lang I don't have issues with my in laws. I can't say I love them like my parents but I really love and appreciate them.

Sabi nila when it comes to in-laws, kahit gaano sila kasalbahe sayo, wag na wag ka papatol. Kasi kahit ilang dekada ka pang nagtiis at sumubok makipag ayos, people will only remember the one time you snapped and they will remember you as the daughter in law na pumatol sa byenan.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: eimerej5 on March 28, 2018, 09:43:21 am
I am just civil with them just as they are with me. There was this thing that happened between me and my inlaws together with my sis in laws. And i can never forget about it because it happened the moment my father died. Ayaw nila ako umuwi ng pinas, they were thinking na kakadating ko lang sa usa then uuwi n ako kagad, gagastosn naman daw, etc! And together with that are many mean and hurtful words that i can never ever forget. Lalo na makapag death anniv ng dad ko, it all comes back and then now, dito sil nakasiksik sa bahay namin, nakikitira kasi pinaalis ng mga anak nila sa bahay nila... ayaw sila dun patirahin na..
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: hisana on March 28, 2018, 10:34:19 am
Sis, if you don't mind me asking, in what way ba magkaiba ang culture ninyo? Socioeconomic ba ito? Religious? Magkaiba lang talaga ang upbringing?

As to the topic, mahirap din naman pilitin mahalin if you don't really feel it.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore on March 28, 2018, 09:06:14 pm
Thank goodness naman na maski hinde ako obliged mahalin in laws ko eh I do because they are really good people. And the best part is they love back.  :)
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: lalee888 on March 28, 2018, 09:45:57 pm
^^i have same question as hisana sis.  But a quick reply to you -- as long as you respect your in-laws and treat them well, then you are fine. You can not force the feeling of love.. that's why they say good relationship with in-laws is draw of the luck.

The pop culture common reference is the wife and mom-in-law don't usually get along or have some awkward relationship. Yung okay ang relationship, LUCKY sila kasi that's more uncommon although marami rin naman okay ang relationships.

You sound like you are trying anyway, but my two cents -- don't keep a grudge, or a tally.. bumibigat sa heart mo and it will affect you more than it will affect them.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Shadow Angel on March 28, 2018, 09:52:44 pm
Swerte rin ako sa inlaws feel ko ang love nila sa akin.

TS no need na ilove mo sila be civil na lang kasi kung di ko kasundo biyenan ko civil and show respect lang hanggang dun lang pwede natin magawa kasi mahirap ipilit kung hindi bukal sa loob mo.

Kaya big factor sa akin kung nag asawa ako ayaw ko kasama inlaws at ayaw ko sa bread winner ng family. Kasi alam ko kung hindi forever pang matagalan mo kahati ang family ng lalaking bread winner. Ex ko ganyan naging problema ko priority lagi ang family nya ako lagi 2nd lang. Promises or plan nya for us lagi nasisira dahil sa family nya nakaasa sa kanya. Kahit mga kapatid nya may asawa asa sa kanya. Buti nakawala ako natauhan ako na hindi ganun ang gusto ko buhay na lagi kasama family nya sa desisyon at financially kasama talaga sila sa budget.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: glamorosa_09 on March 29, 2018, 01:08:07 pm
Quote from: shinies
Kahit na ilang taon na din ang nakalipas, ang naiisip ko na dahilan bakit ganito ako eh kasi hindi naman sila nagsorry noon.

Kasi parang may societal standards/expectations and personal standards regarding in-laws. Parang collectivist societies like Filipinos (especially yung mga elederlies) dictate na you should love your in-laws the way you love your parents, at hindi lang isang tao ang pinakasalan mo kundi pati yung pamilya at angkan nya. At least that's what I'm hearing.

If you will take what society believes, eh baka nga you will fall short of the standards and you will analyze, bakit nga ba ako ganito, bakit nga hindi ako ganun. So I suggest follow your personal standards na lang. Be polite, respectful of them and their family traditions just like what you're doing. Tulad nang nasabi na, mahirap nga naman ipilit kung walang feelings of love like warmth, endearment, and affection kung wala talaga doon. You tried to cultivate those feelings, pero wala talaga.

Meron bang magja-judge sayo kung walang love?

Quote from: shinies
  Nagsasabi pa nga ng I love you nanay niya sa akin pero hindi ko sila mahal.. Nakakaguilty pero kailangan ko sagutin kahit na hindi totoo para sa akin.

Yung "guilty" word, saan nanggagaling yun?

Nakarelate ako dito, nag I love you sa FB message yung gay BIL at MIL ko. Yung BIL ko sabi ko lang "mwah!" tapos hindi na sya ulit nag-message saken, so ewan ko if it's because of that. So yung MIL ko, sinabi ko na lang I love you too, itatype ko lang naman sa keyboard eh... hehe...

Do we need to love our in-laws

Personal standards ko, hindi. Yung BIL at [textspeak!] ko, pwede pa ako magkaroon ng warm feelings and endearment, pero sa MIL ko, parang malabo. Basta respectful lang ako, attend sa family gatherings (kahit nga minsan ayaw ko), and in time mag-aalaga sa pagtanda nila. Kung magkaroon ng feelings of love, go lang... kung wala, wala talaga.

Mabait naman MIL ko generally, pero hindi sya yung tipong magiging close friend ko kahit di ko sya MIL. Kaya lang kami pinagtagpo ng tadhana at patuloy na pagsasamahin ng tadhana ay dahil sa husband at daughter ko.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: shinies on April 03, 2018, 05:22:28 pm
Salamat mga sis!
Ang natutunan ko eh sundin na lang personal standards. At ituloy lang na nandiyan respeto at pagaalaga sa kanila.

Never haha! Civil lang, respeto lang sa nakakatanda at lots of boundaries haha! Kasi kahit anong gawin ko hindi naman nila maaappreciate. May nalalaman pang hindi naman daw ako kadugo. Eh di wag haha im soo happy at hindi ko talaga sila kadugo noh! Pero civil naman kami, plastikan. Pero never kong kinamusta or nag effort. Nadala na ako. Tama na yung pag may okasyon na lang magkita kita hehe

Ganyan din kami pag may okasyon lang. Mabuti na rin ano lalo kung ganyan may nasasabi pa na kung ano ano..

Me too, hindi ko sila magawang mahalin. Pero yung respect hindi naman mawawala.
Inuunawa ko din kahit 100% financially dependent sila sa amin. Pero minsan di ko maiwasan mag maldita... Yung pagod ka galling sa office at sinuong mo yung traffic pauwi, tapos nakita mo yung inlaws mo at bayaw mo, nakahilata sa sofa.

Iniisip ko na lang na hindi naman aabot sa 200 yrs old yung inlaws ko.  ;D

Sarap ng buhay nila..

Gets kita kasi ganyan din sa amin na financially dependent tapos bukod sa sustento mahilig pa humirit ng kung ano ano gaya ng cellphone ???

Pero sila mismo nagsasabi na mawawala naman na daw sila..

I don't think it's required to love your inlaws like you love your parents, but if you can, why not? Pero, respect, I think is necessary.

Buti na lang I don't have issues with my in laws. I can't say I love them like my parents but I really love and appreciate them.

Sabi nila when it comes to in-laws, kahit gaano sila kasalbahe sayo, wag na wag ka papatol. Kasi kahit ilang dekada ka pang nagtiis at sumubok makipag ayos, people will only remember the one time you snapped and they will remember you as the daughter in law na pumatol sa byenan.

Swerte mo sis :)

Totoo yan.. Lakas ng control ko kahit kailan wala sila narinig sa akin. Kahit nagaway sila ni mister ako pa nagaayos para sa kanila..

I am just civil with them just as they are with me. There was this thing that happened between me and my inlaws together with my sis in laws. And i can never forget about it because it happened the moment my father died. Ayaw nila ako umuwi ng pinas, they were thinking na kakadating ko lang sa usa then uuwi n ako kagad, gagastosn naman daw, etc! And together with that are many mean and hurtful words that i can never ever forget. Lalo na makapag death anniv ng dad ko, it all comes back and then now, dito sil nakasiksik sa bahay namin, nakikitira kasi pinaalis ng mga anak nila sa bahay nila... ayaw sila dun patirahin na..

 :( sila ba magbabayad ng ticket?
Ang tindi din ano? Pag sila may kailangan ok lang pero pag ikaw na, waley support!

Sis, if you don't mind me asking, in what way ba magkaiba ang culture ninyo? Socioeconomic ba ito? Religious? Magkaiba lang talaga ang upbringing?

As to the topic, mahirap din naman pilitin mahalin if you don't really feel it.

Magkaiba ng upbringing.

Pareho naman ng relihiyon.

Sa pera, ginawa nilang retirement plan mga anak nila. Magulang ko naman, bumuo ng sarili nilang retirement plan. Pareho naman nagsimula sa wala mga magulang namin pero sila hindi nagipon talaga kasi alam na nandiyan mga anak nila.

Interaction, mahilig silang makipagkaibigan sa kung sino sino pero sa pamilya ko di nila magawa kahit kausapin man lang. Saka di nila nirespeto yung pamamanhikan na tradisyon.

Thank goodness naman na maski hinde ako obliged mahalin in laws ko eh I do because they are really good people. And the best part is they love back.  :)

Lucky you!

^^i have same question as hisana sis.  But a quick reply to you -- as long as you respect your in-laws and treat them well, then you are fine. You can not force the feeling of love.. that's why they say good relationship with in-laws is draw of the luck.

The pop culture common reference is the wife and mom-in-law don't usually get along or have some awkward relationship. Yung okay ang relationship, LUCKY sila kasi that's more uncommon although marami rin naman okay ang relationships.

You sound like you are trying anyway, but my two cents -- don't keep a grudge, or a tally.. bumibigat sa heart mo and it will affect you more than it will affect them.

Salamat!

Hindi ko naman sinasadya bilangin pero yan ang mga dahilan bakit hindi ko sila gusto. Wala naman sila pagsisikap kaya wala din pagbabago sa nararamdaman ko.

Pero oo, yung pagiging civil at pagaalaga sa kanila di naman nawawala. Nageeffort pa din ako gampanan ano ang dapat.

Swerte rin ako sa inlaws feel ko ang love nila sa akin.

TS no need na ilove mo sila be civil na lang kasi kung di ko kasundo biyenan ko civil and show respect lang hanggang dun lang pwede natin magawa kasi mahirap ipilit kung hindi bukal sa loob mo.

Kaya big factor sa akin kung nag asawa ako ayaw ko kasama inlaws at ayaw ko sa bread winner ng family. Kasi alam ko kung hindi forever pang matagalan mo kahati ang family ng lalaking bread winner. Ex ko ganyan naging problema ko priority lagi ang family nya ako lagi 2nd lang. Promises or plan nya for us lagi nasisira dahil sa family nya nakaasa sa kanya. Kahit mga kapatid nya may asawa asa sa kanya. Buti nakawala ako natauhan ako na hindi ganun ang gusto ko buhay na lagi kasama family nya sa desisyon at financially kasama talaga sila sa budget.

Salamat sis!

Buti na lang ok din ang partner mo ngayon :)

Priority naman ako ni mister at may limit ang pagtulong niya sa magulang niya kaya ok. Pero tama yang sinasabi mo.. Madami din ako kilala na ganyan problema lagi pangalawa lang sila kahit kasal na.

Kasi parang may societal standards/expectations and personal standards regarding in-laws. Parang collectivist societies like Filipinos (especially yung mga elederlies) dictate na you should love your in-laws the way you love your parents, at hindi lang isang tao ang pinakasalan mo kundi pati yung pamilya at angkan nya. At least that's what I'm hearing.

If you will take what society believes, eh baka nga you will fall short of the standards and you will analyze, bakit nga ba ako ganito, bakit nga hindi ako ganun. So I suggest follow your personal standards na lang. Be polite, respectful of them and their family traditions just like what you're doing. Tulad nang nasabi na, mahirap nga naman ipilit kung walang feelings of love like warmth, endearment, and affection kung wala talaga doon. You tried to cultivate those feelings, pero wala talaga.

Meron bang magja-judge sayo kung walang love?

Yung "guilty" word, saan nanggagaling yun?

Nakarelate ako dito, nag I love you sa FB message yung gay BIL at MIL ko. Yung BIL ko sabi ko lang "mwah!" tapos hindi na sya ulit nag-message saken, so ewan ko if it's because of that. So yung MIL ko, sinabi ko na lang I love you too, itatype ko lang naman sa keyboard eh... hehe...

Do we need to love our in-laws

Personal standards ko, hindi. Yung BIL at [textspeak!] ko, pwede pa ako magkaroon ng warm feelings and endearment, pero sa MIL ko, parang malabo. Basta respectful lang ako, attend sa family gatherings (kahit nga minsan ayaw ko), and in time mag-aalaga sa pagtanda nila. Kung magkaroon ng feelings of love, go lang... kung wala, wala talaga.

Mabait naman MIL ko generally, pero hindi sya yung tipong magiging close friend ko kahit di ko sya MIL. Kaya lang kami pinagtagpo ng tadhana at patuloy na pagsasamahin ng tadhana ay dahil sa husband at daughter ko.

Oo yun na nga.. Na magulang mo din sila at dapat mahalin mo din sila dahil yan ay desisyon mo nung pinakasalan anak nila..
Siguro napapaisip lang ako kasi sinubukan ko sila mahalin pero wala.. At kung dapat ba eh ituloy ko lang ng ituloy na subukan

Wala naman magjudge at hindi naman din hinihingi ni mister.
Yung guilt siguro kasi kita yung pagmamahal ko sa magulang ko tapos sa in laws ko waley.

Hehe oo madali lang naman nga itype ang "I love you too" ;D Di lang ako sanay na hindi siya totoo para sa akin.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: ohcmon on April 04, 2018, 02:18:28 pm
Getting married next year and I don't think it will get to the point na mamahalin ko ang in laws ko.

Kakaiba ang values nila, at hindi ko maiwasan i-compare sila sa parents ko na sobrang loving at generous.

Nakakainggit lang minsan 'yung mga sobrang babait ang in-laws.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: kvan on April 04, 2018, 10:51:49 pm
I guess, it's a blessing na rin to be getting along with your in-laws. I get along very well with my ex's family even though we are now divorcing. I still get invited to their family gathering. My son sleeps over at my bro-in-law. He camps with them in the summer. My bro-in-law changes my tires every winter and summer and I get to store them in their garage. Parang family ko na rin talaga. My ex sometimes say ako pa daw yung kinakampihan...lol! Ah well, alam kasi ng family nya na matino ako. Yun lang yon!
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: xsugar on April 05, 2018, 10:51:31 am
Me too, hindi ko sila magawang mahalin. Pero yung respect hindi naman mawawala.
Inuunawa ko din kahit 100% financially dependent sila sa amin. Pero minsan di ko maiwasan mag maldita... Yung pagod ka galling sa office at sinuong mo yung traffic pauwi, tapos nakita mo yung inlaws mo at bayaw mo, nakahilata sa sofa.

Iniisip ko na lang na hindi naman aabot sa 200 yrs old yung inlaws ko.  ;D

Super relate! Though ok kami ng in laws ko, my respect for them is there kahit minsan hindi worth it specially sa father-in-law and brother-in-law ko..pero love? i don't think i can consider it love ;D

Been wanting to move out sa house ng in laws ko pero ayaw pa ni hubby, reason is my mother-in-law which i totally understand dahil kawawa sya pag wala kami ni hubby.  Oh well, konting tiis pa. We both work and our income are enough for both of us and our growing family but i don't care about their house if sino magmamana be it my hubby or brother-in-law or hati. Basta sabi ko sa hubby ko, as soon as we have enough reason to move out, we will kasi ayokong habang buhay magpakain or bumuhay sa taong mas malakas pa smen pero soooobrang tamad. As in pwede pa syang maghanap ng work pero ayaw nya. Mas malaki room nya kesa smen na nagbabayad ng bills sa bahay and the list goes on..hays!
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: crzysxycl on April 05, 2018, 12:18:39 pm
Kakaiba ang values nila, at hindi ko maiwasan i-compare sila sa parents ko na sobrang loving at generous.

Nakakainggit lang minsan 'yung mga sobrang babait ang in-laws.

I feel you. Nakakainggit nga talaga pag nakakarinig ako ng mga kwentong parang "kapamilya" talaga sila kung ituring ng in-laws nila. Bubukod naman ata kayo sis?

Sis shinies, halos same reaction ng in-laws mo at in-laws ko nung sinabi ni hubby na magpapakasal na kami. Hindi sila masaya, daming sinabi lalo na nung ate nya na manager pero mali mali naman mag english. :P Even si father-in-law, feeling ko sinulsulan lang ng mga ate nya kasi ang gusto ata nya hindi mag asawa si hubby. Naka-asa din kasi sila kay hubby noon. Sa kanila kami dati nakatira, nakatiis ako ng 3 yrs doon pero dahil sa stress kaya feeling ko hindi kami nag conceive. Hindi ko na pahahabaan ang kwento pero nabuko ko si MIL na sinisiraan ako sa kamag anak nila, I heard them na nag uusap. Nag iiyak ako that morning, sama ng loob ko kasi I felt powerless. Alam ko naman na ganon sila, pati mga SIL ko pero iba pala pag narinig mo mismo. So kinausap ko ang mga SIL ko, ayaw ni MIL humarap kasi guilty sya at sinabi ko bubukod na kami. Sabi ng SIL ko sa akin noon na kaaalis lang namin sa kanila, madalas umiyak si MIL. Pero ano magagawa ko, baka naman mauna pa ko matigok sa kanya pag hindi pa ako umalis, unfair naman sa magulang ko 'yon. Mag 4 yrs na kaming nakabukod, daming magandang nangyari since then, hindi ko na iisa-isahin din pero the best is yung nagka baby na kami. Less stress na kasi kaya nabuo ang baby. Ngayon, civil naman kami ng in-laws ko, though hindi nawawala kasi yung pagka inggitera nila at taklesa, dedma nalang ako or minsan babanat din ako ng pang bara sa kanila para manahimik. Like one time dumalaw sila sa amin, they have this habit of asking us kung saan kami pupunta or nagpunta so I told SIL1 na galing kaming pedia. Aba ang sagot bakit hindi raw dun sa pedia nila dinala anak ko. Sinagot ko nga "Ay hindi teh, kasi may health card si baby eh" tapos sumagot yung SIL2 na "oo nga bakit ka ba nakikialam" kaya natahimik si SIL1 haha. Minsan kasi pag alam na hindi ka papalag, kakaya-kayanin ka. Ok din yung sagot sagutin ko sila minsan, masarap sa pakiramdam haha.

Pag iniinis ka ng in-laws mo, inisin mo rin. Ang in-laws ko ayaw ng mas angat ako sa kanila. Bagong damit, sapatos, relo, gadgets even hairstyle ko pinupuna nila yan pati gamit ng baby ko from bottles, toys ultimo diaper at pinapanood sa youtube. Pupunahin pero gagayahin. I make sure na pag aalis kami kasama sila saka ko isusuot or dadalhin new stuff ko or ni baby, not to show off (not my thing really) but para inisin sila.. sarap eh! ;D
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Veevee on April 05, 2018, 03:02:50 pm
Yes, I agree with most of the comments here. You don't really have to love them, you just have to respect them, or at least be civil.

In my case though, I avoid them - as much as I can.

I was once super close with my husband's mom when we were still bf/gf. My mom, whom I love dearly, works abroad so it really felt good at that time to have a second mom that you can talk to, although she usually talks to me about her youngest daughter. Medyo matigas kase ulo nung bunso. One time, we were having dinner at a restaurant when the mom and daughter started arguing. Of course, I never get myself involve whenever instances like that happens. The daughter immediately left us all after dinner and I tried consoling her as she was almost teary-eyed.

My exact words were: "Hayaan nyo na po."
And out of nowhere, the mom said to me: "Hindi! Hindi! Ganyan ka kase wala nanay mo dito!"

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. It's as if there's something wrong with me! Hello?! Kayo po ang may problema ng anak nyo so ano pong kinalaman ko pati ng nanay ko sa problema nyo?

From then on, I started to distance myself from them particularly the mom. I was deeply hurt because even if we were only bf/gf back then, I was doing my best to win their love and approval. I try to make myself always available for them. But after that incident, I hardly go to their house, I no longer go out with them or join them for out of town trips. I knew, it was tough on my bf but my pride couldn't take it. The mom learned about the reason why I was aloof to her, and that started our cold war. The bf has long moved out of their house so avoiding her doesn't seem like a problem at all.

Now that we are married, and I now live abroad, the distance and the time zone is a good excuse. We're not friends on any social media so if I ever have to greet her on her birthday, Mother's day, etc. I send my greetings through my husband. Although we are in speaking terms now, I just don't like having long conversations with her anymore. She once told my mom that she wants us to be close again - but I really think we're good this way. The less interaction we have, the less problem.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: simang on April 05, 2018, 05:40:17 pm
Quote
I guess, it's a blessing na rin to be getting along with your in-laws.

This I realized after reading so many stories about in laws here sa GT. Sobrang laking blessing pala talaga, makes life less complicated.

I appreciate also that our family dynamics is almost identical to my husband's. For the most part, we grew up with the same values. Kaya hindi rin ako hirap even sa SILs and BIL ko. Syempre iba pa rin yung relationship ko with my parents and siblings pero yung core values talaga ng family namin halos same na same. Minsan pa nga feeling ko nagpapagalingan kami ng husband ko, yung tipong "wala ka sa nanay ko" level haha. Kasi feeling namin both, lumaki kami sa ideal na pamilya.

Quote
And out of nowhere, the mom said to me: "Hindi! Hindi! Ganyan ka kase wala nanay mo dito!"

Naloka ako dito sis. Kahit ako sabihan ng ganito maooffend rin ako.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Shadow Angel on April 05, 2018, 08:15:25 pm
@cryzsxycl hindi ko maimagine may patalbugan issue with SIL. Wala ako SIL, BIL lang. Kung ex ko nakatuluyan ko for sure stress ang aabutin ko sa mga in-laws ko. Lalo asa silang lahat kay ex dati. Stress din aabutin ko kung palagi ako makikipag inisan sa kanila.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Veevee on April 06, 2018, 07:19:23 am
Naloka ako dito sis. Kahit ako sabihan ng ganito maooffend rin ako.

Yun exactly ang nafeel ko sis. My husband was my first bf. So they were the only family I was ever introduced to as a gf. I love my bf so much, I was really putting extra effort on trying to be real close to his family because I know that would make him happy. Kaso when I was told na "Ganyan ka kase wala nanay mo", ang pakiramdam ko, after all these years (5 years) ng pakikisama ko sayo, eto pa ang sasabihin mo sa akin, na parang may mali akong pinakita sayo, na may kulang sa akin, na may mali sa pagpapapalaki sakin. 

So when the youngest (only) daughter got pregnant by her bf who eventually left her, I knew it was a slap on her face. Mind you, I've nothing against single moms. Ayaw ko lang how I was judged based on my mom's absence. Physically absent lang siya, but we're extremely close and I love her to bits. Kaya swerte yung husband ko, wala siya problem sa mother ko.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: crzysxycl on April 06, 2018, 07:52:55 am
@cryzsxycl hindi ko maimagine may patalbugan issue with SIL. Wala ako SIL, BIL lang. Kung ex ko nakatuluyan ko for sure stress ang aabutin ko sa mga in-laws ko. Lalo asa silang lahat kay ex dati. Stress din aabutin ko kung palagi ako makikipag inisan sa kanila.

Swerte mo sis BIL lang meron ka. Marami bang sister ang ex mo? Mga SIL ko lang naman mahilig mag kumpara ng sarili nila sa iba. Mana kay MIL kasi, gusto sila lagi yung bida. Sila yung mabait, maganda (ugh! lol!), role model. Nasanay na rin naman ako, sinasakyan ko nalang sila.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: otra_vez on April 06, 2018, 07:56:56 am
No, you don't need to love your in laws but like what everyone said, you just need to respect them. I've gone through lows with my in laws, particularly my MIL and SIL. I live with my MIL and I hate to say it but living together changes everything. It was all roses when we would just visit each other but ika nga, there can only be one queen in a house. So talagang minsan feeling ko nakakalbo na ko sa buwisit pero kelangang magpasensya. And overall, she is still really a nice woman. But that just goes to show how a relationship with in laws will always be fraught with complications, regardless of how smooth and perfect it was in the beginning. That's all I can advise- don't live with your in laws.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Veevee on April 06, 2018, 09:30:44 am
Mga SIL ko lang naman mahilig mag kumpara ng sarili nila sa iba. Mana kay MIL kasi, gusto sila lagi yung bida. Sila yung mabait, maganda (ugh! lol!), role model. Nasanay na rin naman ako, sinasakyan ko nalang sila.

OMG! Can relate hahaha. Akala mo mga hindi tumatapak sa lupa eh, tipong sa exclusive subdivision nakatira. Tapos si SIL, ang daming pasabog sa social media. Akala mo naman influencer.

Pero yun lang, hindi ko sila sinasakyan.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: adrianne1 on April 06, 2018, 10:22:33 am
One doesnt necessarily have to love them, but one has to always be kind and respectful to one's in-laws.

It won't hurt to be nice to them. Remember, a mother in law is a very powerful ally.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: khaleesiCersei on April 06, 2018, 03:21:23 pm
Merong pack mentality ang mga inlaws. Mga walang sariling pag iisip. Wala din sa lugar ang pride, feeling aping api kapag hindi sila ang bida tapos feeling din na kala mo kung sino at sila ang magaling lol! Hobby nila mag chismis at mainggit kaya kahit sila sila nagkakagulo.

Lahat na lang nilagyan ng issue kahit mga walang kakwenta kwentang bagay. Di ko masakyan ang ganon kaya i gave up a long time ago
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: crzysxycl on April 06, 2018, 06:00:19 pm
^haha! sa social media talaga.. parang SIL ko rin, ginagawa nga nyang diary ang FB. kulang nalang pag naliligo sya ipost din nya. sya nalang lagi laman ng news feed ko, bihira nga ko mag fb pero lagi syang may post kada mag check ako.

^^hala parang in-laws ko rin, sila sila minsan nag aaway-away, puro kababawan.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Shadow Angel on April 06, 2018, 07:22:00 pm
^2 un sister ni ex.

Medyo sad nga ako kasi si MIL ko may sakit kahit na medyo maliit un chances we still hoping na makarecover sya. Si MIL pa naman pinaka masaya at excited ng malaman preggy ako dati lalo na girl si LO ko. Anak nga tawag sa akin ni MIL kasi wala naman silang anak na babae. Dami pa naman nilang plans with my LO. Napakasweet pa nila nagbibigay pa minsan ng cards or flowers pa deliver pa. Umiyak nga ako nun malaman ko may sakit sya. Pasensya na nashare ko lang.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: exquisitegem on April 06, 2018, 09:04:34 pm
Makikisali din sa discussion. :)
In the abovementioned cases na super atribida ang mga inlaws, I think it's just okay to put them in their right place. Hindi naman maganda na kinakayan-kayanan ka lang nila. But yung respect, dapat andun pa rin. Kasi family pa rin naman sila. Yun nga lang, may limitation din. Kaya I agree na leave and cleave talaga. Iwas conflict pag ganun.

In my case, I can say we have a good relationship with my inlaws. Not the type na parang yung sa family ko, iba pa rin yun. Pero hindi naman ako nastress sa mga inlaws ko. Maybe because panay professionals naman yung siblings ni hubby. With his parents naman, very okay din. Mom nya, hindi lang katulad ng mom ko na malambing and ma-i love you. Tahimik kasi mom nya. Pero I can feel her concern naman like yung pagdadala nya ng food pag dumadalaw siya. Ganun. Yung Father in Law ko, yun yung mas malambing. Super excited na magkaapo. hehe Nagpopost sa fb na excited na daw for his first Apo, shineshare nya yung post ko. :)

But still, I cannot imagine living under the same roof with them. Kaya good thing nakabukod kami ni hubby. It's always better that way.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: lalee888 on April 06, 2018, 09:47:04 pm
I have a question. My in-laws and i have a great relationship, so far. Wala ako masabi, super caring and super giving pa sila sa amin and respectful of space. My husband's mom pa ang nagsabi na hindi siguro okay if we all live together someday, kasi she had/has issues with her own mother-in-law (my husband's lola sa dad side nya). Ang sa akin naman, we will live separately of course but if/when the time comes na any of our families will need care/help, i'd never hesitate to take them in. That applies to any of husband's family, and my own immediate family too. Pareho naman kami ng stance ng husband ko about this so we are okay.

But now naman, my husband's grandmother is in the hospital and we think she will be needing care/help from now on. I told hubby dun muna kame umuwi sa parents nya para makatulong and help husband's dad too. His dad needs minimal help around the house, not much, but SOME help din as his dad has some weakness from a stroke, plus his dad will also be undergoing prostate surgery next week. As a pre-cursor to the surgery, his dad has been having to go to check-ups almost 1 to 2 times a week.

To me, no big deal to help around for a little bit, the little things like we'd make dinner, clear up the kitchen, tidy around the house, and take his dad to the hospital. I also told husband he should invite his dad for morning coffee everyday, at the coffee shop near their house -- it motivates his dad to walk, which i think is important since walang exercise lately ang dad nya. But somehow the general advice from people  around me (colleagues) who don't know the full picture is to NEVER live with your in-laws kasi it creates conflict..

Temporary lang ito for us. But i wanted to ask the community, what should i watch out for? what should i be careful with? For now, i told hubby dun muna kame for two weeks (until MIL returns from her trip). Di ko talaga maintindihan why some people think it's a big deal eh for me, his dad is alone at home, his grandma is sick -- sino maghelp?

any advice mga sis?



Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: exquisitegem on April 06, 2018, 10:39:36 pm
^ I don't see anything wrong if it's temporary sis. Especially if we're able to help, they will gladly appreciate it. Tska family naman sila, so it's nice to have someone who extends a hand. I don't know the family dynamics kaya mahirap din sabihin what are the things to watch out for. In my case kasi, I know may pagkamaselan sa food sina MIL. Ayaw nila ng matatabang pagkain. So if I cook, I ensure na hindi fatty yung sineserve ko, kundi nutritious. Alam ko ayaw din nila ng maingay masyado especially pag gabi na kasi natutulog sila sa province around 9PM. So patay na ang tv sa sala pag ganun. Sa room na kami nanonood.
Mga ganung bagay. If by nature, pakialamera sila, siguro you have to be open din haha pero sabi mo nga very respectful naman sila sa space.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: lalee888 on April 06, 2018, 10:53:43 pm
^thanks sis... di ko naisip yan pero oo nga, that's what i should watch out for, family dynamics. si husband naman ang mag-cook and taga chop/clean/help lang nya ako.. buti na lang...

I didn't consider how we might be interfering in their household. I'll definitely keep an eye out for this. I'm not affectionate to them, and they are not very warm but they always chat with me... they are by nature not able to show affection which i respect since i'm also like that unless it's my partner.. i just hope it won't be awkward!
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: TysLolakins on April 07, 2018, 12:09:21 am
@lalee,  if the willingness to help  is coming from the heart,  just do so and ignore the side commentaries.  we are the same as you guys, hubs and i will do everything in our capacity to help our parents and siblings from both sides.  and not that i'm keeping tally, i'm only mentioning the instances here to show how we've handled it in the past.
for me kasi,  i wanna help because i want to alleviate/improve the situation of the person needing help,  i won't even think  how helping them may inconvenienced me.  that's the  thing for me, when i help anybody, i do so wholeheartedly.
i've experienced having both sets of our parents living with us, of course not at the same time and in two separate instances.  we lived in my parents house when we first started our little family,  not much of an issue as this is typical of Pinoy families di ba.  eventually we bought our first house and my inlaws from the Phils came to live with us when my son was born,  they just retired from work then.  it was good for all of us, we have a live-in babysitter and they get to live and experience life here in the states.  my inlaws were very dear people to me,  father in law was a doctor and MIL was a teacher.  see i have nothing to complain about, i have a perfect setup,  a doctor in the house to keep the kids healthy and safe  and a teacher to stimulate learning.  since our house was close to my parents',  my dad was always around visiting with my inlaws, basically entertaining them to lessen their homesickness.  and my dad was the one picking up the kids from school and providing after school care/food.  omg,  how did i get so lucky di ba,  a doctor, a teacher and a chauffer/cook, LOL.


fast forward 20+ years later.  my parents were now living in the Phil enjoying their retirement years.  then dad got really sick and taken to the hospital only to find out that he had very late-stage cancer.   hubs and i flew home right away to take them back here in the states.  they lived with us again and during this time, he was undergoing treatment.  living with somebody with CA could be very trying,  but not once was there any complaints from anyone since we all knew what he's going thru.  he eventually succumbed to it after 9 months from detection.  then my mom who had been battling diabetes/renal failure had to start peritoneal dialysis.  she's still living with us so now we have to deal with this latest development.  and she passed on only 6 months after my dad.  i have 2 sisters but neither one offered to take them in because they knew it will not be easy.  did i resent it?  maybe just a tiny bit,  but i understand too that they're most comfortable living at my house,  they've said so.  my parents were also the most comfortable with my husband of all the inlaws.  i let them do/cook/eat whatever they want,  i did not nitpick with them, because i let them into my house with no conditions nor reservations.  that's the best help i can give them at that time.  i've heard stories from other people when inlaws are taken in but later on the owners of the house are complaining about how messy they get,  the odors of the food they cook, not contributing to the expenses, etc. 
then just last year, it was MIL who got hospitalized.  again hubs and i flew back home to take care of her.  she was in the hospital for 2 weeks and we stayed with her the whole time,  we actually commandeered the adjacent hospital room so we can be with her all hours. (yes you can do that sa Pinas,  why would they care,  everything there is paid with cash unlike here where insurance coverage is required).  and she didn't last long,  the third week we attended to her wake and funeral arrangements.   and since we had funds,  we offered to pay for all the expenses.  the abuloy fund was pretty substantial but we just let my BIL's family who lived with her to keep it, they need it more.


again,  this is only to show that if we want to help, we can and we should.  why would it matter what other people think anyway,  more so that this is only temporary as you indicated.  you know they need help, you want to help,  so why not just give it as long as it's also ok with them that you will be staying .   some people put a lot of value to their privacy so just be mindful of that.  that long drawn-out narrative about us and our parent/in-laws is to show that i only like to address the bigger issue,  small annoyances from each other being on the same household, for me are just too petty and trivial.   
anyway, not sure how much of this grumbling can help with your problem but good-luck,  i know you'll do the right thing.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: lalee888 on April 07, 2018, 03:40:25 am
Hi Sis @TysLolakins, I'm not sure if you guys are our alter-egos, or our #goals as we sound very very alike, only difference is my hubs and I are in a different phase in our lives. We are in the early married life journey, while you guys have lived through most of it and that's exactly how hubs and I want to be to our loved ones..

I got a lot out of your story, thanks very much for sharing (and this is the power of having sisterhoods from all ages and walks of life -- we eliminate the trap of group-thinking and allow for diverse learning). I can totally relate, particularly since now i know you are also US-based and we probably share similar contexts. I also see things the way you do -- we want to help because we want to, regardless of the actions of other actors around us (siblings refusing to help). We have not faced that situation yet, but that's just our overall perspective now.

You pointed out inconveniences and that's what I'm now concerned with. Our situation is reverse -- we will be going to my in-laws' home and stay there for 2 weeks. It will be my husband, my F-I-L and I every night, and then my B-I-L will be coming and going to help out as well. Since we are the ones going to them, even with all good intentions, we (well, mostly me) might cause trouble unknowingly... i actually just told my husband now to check with his dad if he will be comfortable having me around too.. i don't consider it a bad thing, but I also understand human sensitivities... i worry my F-I-L might feel...minimized (lack of a better term) or dehumanized in a way, when it's visible to others (like me) that he needs help..

I actually pointed this out to my husband. My husband was raising his voice and reminding his dad to exercise and to not make a mess in the house when we visited last weekend. He did this in my presence.. I told my husband that while he means well, he should not talk to his dad in that way in my presence because it might make his dad feel small, even if the truth is, my husband really just cared about his dad, and the dynamic at home between his dad and grandma (referring to the mess part).

Am i being too sensitive, or paranoid? Maybe because we are still newly-weds and I don't want to ruin our beautiful relationship? I do not want to meddle in their family affairs, but I definitely care. When i voice out my opinion/advice on what I think we should do, I told my husband to KEEP IT to himself only and not to share to the rest of his side of the family... that whatever direction they decide to take, we will support them (even if I think a different direction is best).. one example is they want to put their grandma in care home as a result of this stroke.. i told my husband, i would prefer not to, that since there is so much space in the house and a separate wing, we can just hire a nurse/care aide... i just believe that loneliness accelerates human demise and would rather see his grandma monitored by family, instead of in a care home. But that's just me. So i told my husband, that's my stand but whatever the family decides, we will support. Things like that.

Sigh the delicate balance of respect and non-blood relationship!
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: gil12 on April 07, 2018, 06:20:51 pm
That's all I can advise- don't live with your in laws.
I agree, do not live with your in laws. Kahit gano pa kaayos relationship niyo when you live with them mag-iiba talaga. Siguro na rin dahil sa personal space. We've been living with my in laws for four years na rin, my son is getting bigger/older na and we still share one room. Going back to the topic, no you don't have to love them but respect syempre. Ako talaga iwas makipagkwentuhan o sobrang maging close sa MIL ko, why? Iwas issue, iwas away. As much as possible, I try to keep my distance. Siguro a part of me intentional na lumalayo sa kanila dahil sila pumipilit samin tumira sa bahay nila kasi matanda na sila. As bad as it sounds pero makakaalis lang yata kami dito pag nawala na in laws ko.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: bleep on May 07, 2018, 12:10:55 am
Tama sabi nila respect na lang talaga. As much as possible nagpapakita naman ako ng respeto sa parents ng husband ko. Yung mom nya hindi kami okay ngayon di na kami  gaano naguusap kasi nagka incident na nakakainis pero na let go ko na yun pangyayari na yun di ko na lang kinakausap binabati ko lang sya pag may okasyon.


Yung dad naman ni husband mabait naman sya cool nga yun kaso pag nagstart na sya magsalita about samin ni husband dun nako naiinis. Parang pinapalabas nya na napaka taas ng standards namin kaya wala kami mararating. Di na lang ako kumikibo. Hanggat maaari I try to distance my self from them ayoko lang magkaroon ng issue or ano.

At the end of the day magulang sila ng asawa natin so wala tayo choice kundi magpakita ng mabuti sa kanila.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: SkinnyLatte on May 29, 2018, 04:35:57 am
I don't think we need to love our in-laws being respectful and civil towards them is enough. Pero syempre, up to you if you have a really good standing relationship with your in-laws. :)
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: littlekinselle on June 04, 2018, 04:51:09 pm
nope i don't love them MIL and SIL , pero may respeto naman ako.. despite na mga ginawa nila saken..
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: naizlabonita on June 12, 2018, 07:56:36 pm
agree ako sa iba..siguru mas okay kung respect nalang kahit hinde love hehe.

I respect my in-laws na hilaw..hahahaha not married kasi ako lol.

Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: D4thAngel on June 13, 2018, 08:20:48 am
For me, no need to love but accept. May nga in-laws na mahirap i-respect and not deserving respect at all. At the end of the day, sila pa din ang family ni spouse mo, na tatakbuhan mo or tatakbuhan ka in case of emergency. Kung tatanda ang parents, pwedeng kupkupin ni spouse. Kung may BIL or SIL na nagpakarelax relax sa buhay at tumandang bumb, baka hindi matitiis ni spouse. Its more of love for our better half that we need to accept his family.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: stylus on July 03, 2018, 10:51:33 pm
I agree that we do not need to love them instantly but we can always start with "respect". In my case siguro at first medyo distant ako lalo kay MIL. My mom already passed away and may moments pa rin ako na mommy ko lang yung gusto ko makasama makausap, kaya medyo off yung feeling pag nandyan sya na hindi ko naman totoong mommy.

In time, natutunan ko lang to be myself lalo pag kasama mga in laws. That way i guess mas nakilala nila ako. At nakikita nila kami ng husband ko kung pano kami araw araw. And i can feel na naappreciate naman nila ako. Kaya ngayon mas close kami at mas comfortable sa isat isa.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: lalee888 on July 09, 2018, 10:59:14 pm
Really following this topic since it will always be relevant and important to married folks who have in-laws. Also following the other thread about moving-in with in-laws..

My husband's parents are the reserved and calm type of people. Especially my MIL. I'm actually beginning to love them, not just respect them, and i look forward to our visits to their home (but also look forward to my personal time away from everyone). Of course this doesn't mean life will be perfect.. friction is always present in any relationship, no matter how "perfect" it may seem. My husband asked me if I'd be willing to move-in with my in-laws at any point, if we decide to move/relocate and they plan to relocate too... sabi ko No... because as most of you have put it, isa lang ang queen of the house and i don't want to tarnish the nice relationship we currently have.. kaso may circumstances we may not avoid it... like if we relocate nga. Yes we can make it temporary, but now I'm wrought with worry and fear of what could go wrong!!

Any of you experienced living with in-laws temporarily? how did that go? please share?!
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: keejac21 on July 10, 2018, 08:34:28 am
^It's so hard. I actually don't know paano I-share yung current situation namin sa bahay. Halos sa amin nakatira yung both in-laws ko plus yung kapatid at pamangkin ni husband. I say "halos" kasi kinuhanan sila ni husband ng condo unit na di naman kalayuan sa amin. So ganyan, inayos nila, bumili ng gamit etc etc.. So ang nangyari, si MIL mukhang ayaw naman lumipat doon dahil wala siyang sariling kwarto. Pag araw, nandiyan sila sa bahay, kumakain, nanonood ng TV, nag-uutos sa mga helpers.. Then sa gabi, uuwi sila sa condo pero kinabukasan pupunta ulit diyan.. and ganon ulit yung mangyayari. Si MIL sa bahay pa din nakatira. Siya yung excuse na pupunta diyan yung rest of the family.

So stressful mga sis.. Nag-away na kami ni husband pero ramdam na ramdam ko kung gaano niya ka suportado yung pamilya niya over us (me and our son). Unawain ko daw. Nahihirapan akong unawain at pagpasensiyahan sila.



Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: kvan on July 10, 2018, 10:19:38 pm
^The problem with mama's boy mentality of our culture.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: cupcakejane on July 13, 2018, 06:31:50 pm
Respect for me should be enough, we are not always on the same level with them to automatically expect love
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: super bratinella on August 12, 2018, 02:36:17 am
I have no issues with my in laws I love them and love me back, we stay this way kasi hindi kami magkasama sa iisang bahay, otherwise that would be a different story.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: otra_vez on August 15, 2018, 06:44:36 am

Any of you experienced living with in-laws temporarily? how did that go? please share?!

Ok, I'll share hehe.

We lived temporarily with my husband's sister. At the time, my MIL was also living with her. It's a big house and she has her little kids and an ex who hangs around once in awhile. We were truly grateful for his sister's generosity. Honestly, if it's your house, as long as it's your house, you call the shots so you shouldn't worry too much. Anyway, we planned to stay there for about 8 months, at least until we had our bearings and we felt financially comfortable renting our own place. We ended up staying only about 4 months, at the end of which, in the middle of the night, the sister wanted to kick us all out, including her very own mother.

So the temporary arrangement became a permanent one for us. Now we live with my MIL. And like I mentioned, she's a wonderful woman. I believe I love her. But we clash once in awhile. We don't fight but we don't agree about everything so sometimes may tension. Common issues that arise in these situations would be financial. Like who takes care of which bills and like for us, our electric bill is thru the roof because my MIL wants A/C 24/7. Pero ayaw naman magcontribute to pay. And she's a hoarder, she shops like crazy (hindi sya masaya pag hindi nagsusuka yung ref) and magkaiba kami ng cleaning styles. And she always wants to babysit for her daughter. Ako ayoko. I like peace and quiet. If I wanted chaos, I would have had kids of my own.

All I can advise probably is to have patience. Whether we like it or not, we are bound to their families. And families help each other out, to the best of their ability. Pero yun nga, kung bahay mo naman, you shouldn't worry too much. Kasi ikaw ang boss. Like in my SIL's case-- she was a b*tch but she was the boss of her house. Galit pa din ako sa kanya when I think of the s**t she put us through but you know, I keep it inside lol.

Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Bridgette* on August 15, 2018, 08:48:25 am
My sister has been living in our (parent's) house since she got married last 2009. Both my sibs have their own families already. My brother is based abroad. Since ayokong manahin yung bahay, this year it has been decided na si Ate ang magmamana non so I think they had ditched the plans na of getting a place of their own.

Sa 11 years na yun, yung asawa ng Ate ko and my mom they oftentimes clash. Based on my observation, yung asawa ng Ate ko may pagka bastos rin kasi. They are casual naman pag kumpleto kami sa bahay and then my mom nakikita ko nagmamalasakit naman sya. Since asawa yon ng kapatid ko, at mahal ng mom ko si Ate, no choice sya but to also love my sister's husband.

In all honesty ayoko sa asawa ni Ate sa nakita kong ugali nya. Nung baby pa lang pamangkin ko lagi syang late umuuwi wala man lang katuwang ang nanay ko. Sis kasi is working on shifts. Pati simpleng paglilinis sa house, paggamit sa cr, even minsan sinasagot nya nanay ko! Of course he gets reprimanded several times dahil Amazona ang nanay ko which serves him right. Ngayon okay naman na, kahit pano. He knew his place. Pero wala pa rin sya silbi sa bahay.


Now, from an observer's point of view, I think if you will be living with your inlaws, you need to be patient, respectful and mahalaga na makisama ka. Iba iba yung reasons why married couples end up living on an extended family type setup pero if circumstances doesn't allow you to love your inlaws, atleast be civil and professional diba. After all sabi nga nila pag nagpakasal ka, hindi lang yung dyowa mo yung papakasalan mo, pati pamilya nya - absolutely everything about him or her right.

But as for me, if the time will come that I will marry, I want to love my inlaws. Just so because isn't that wonderful? : )
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: ana mimi on October 11, 2018, 12:17:22 am
If your in-laws like you and love you, bigger the chances of us loving them back. E pano naman if they don't like you? Kagaya ng sa situation ko, ayaw saken ng parents niya kase may 2 kids na ako from a previous relationship diba?

Pinakikisamahan ko nalang din as respect pero ayoko talagang nagpupunta sa bahay ng inlaws ko as much as possible. Tutal ayaw naman din nila saken, e di hindi na rin ako madalas magpapakita. I'll be civil nalang and try my best na makihalubilo.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: symphonyann on October 15, 2018, 04:57:32 pm
definitely love should be number 1. :) in any relationship. there are different ways to express our love for our in-laws though. that's one thing to learn in the process (of marriage) as a sign of honoring these people who raised our men
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: pinkarrow on January 25, 2019, 07:41:56 am
Hello Sissies,

Question for those who doesn't have kids yet. Do you go home every month to your inlaws? Kami kasi ni hubby umuuwi every month sa province sa Pampanga to visit MIL and hubby's niece. Minsan nakakatamad umuwi hehe pero hindi ko naman masabi sa asawa ko kasi once a month nalang nga tapos ayaw ko pa. Naisip ko kasi pwede naman meet sila somewhere like trinoma. Just curious lang kung ganon din sa ibang magasawa
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: Shadow Angel on January 25, 2019, 09:30:20 am
Kami since nagkasama every month talaga ang visit since wala pang anak until magka anak. 3hrs driving kaya lagi kami sleep over kasi kakapagod if balikan. Gusto ko naman ang kasi mababait mga inlaws ko and gusto ko rin na malapit hubby ko sa family nya.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: ohcmon on January 25, 2019, 12:58:18 pm
^^ Ayoko rin umuwi sa parents ni hubby kasi iba talaga ugali lol pero wala akong choice kasi nahihiya ako sa kanya. Kapag nag-aya ako sa parents ko anytime, payag siya, siya pa nga nag-aaya dun minsan kaya parang diyahe to not return the favor.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: simang on January 25, 2019, 01:33:58 pm
^^^pwede mo naman siguro open up sa husband mo yung suggestion na yan, na meet half way na lang kayo. Though depende rin sa dynamics nyo kasi, baka mamaya gusto ng inlaws mo dun kayo sa pampanga para maipagluto kayo or something.

Sa case namin, mas madalas kaming umuwi sa side ko since mas malapit (~2hrs away). Sa in laws ko kasi, 5 hr drive. So ang uwi namin dun usually 3x a year lang -- fiesta, bday ni MIL, tapos new year. Sa side ko hindi naman monthly pero usually pag may bdays umuuwi kami. Minsan naman meet kami halfway sa Alabang if gusto lang magdinner.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: thebratinella on January 28, 2019, 05:28:12 pm
@pink arrow. Medyo nakakarelate ko in some way though may anak na kami and in-laws ko are in Cavite but before gusto ni mil na pag long weekends/holidays umuwi sa Bulacan. May iilang pinsan and tito/tita kasi si hubby dun pero magkakaibang houses na kasi halos lahat may own families. Niyayaya niya kami kasi pagdrive siya ng husband ko. Nandun din kasi high school friends niya and madalas may mga lakad sila. Sa totoo lang nakakapagod lalo na if busy ka sa work from Monday to Friday and parang gusto mo na lang humilata sa kama pag off. Dati nag-aargue kami ng husband ko kapag nagbeg off ko to go. Now hindi na kami masyado nakakauwi dun. Nadala na kasi na ilang beses kami stuck sa NLEX or EDSA kapag uwian ng Semana Santa or Halloween. Since siya lang marunong magdrive, pagod na pagod siya. Wala din naman kasi kaming ginagawa sa Bulacan pag umuuwi kami. Nanonood lang kami ng tv, tambay sa living room. Ang dadatnan mo 2 pinsan, 2 tita, 1 tito. Si mil umaalis para meet mga friends. Ibang relatives wala kasi may mga sariling lakad at pamilya na. Buti ngayon naintindihan na ng husband ko na di naman need umuuwi dun tuwing walang pasok. Si mil na lang umuuwi alone if gusto niya gumala with her friends. Grabe dati arguments namin about it. Hindi kasi siya marunong humindi dati sa mama niya. Sabi ko nga if gusto naman nila tayo makasama, ang lapit lang ng bahay nila. Why not? Pero yung sasama tayo sa Bulacan sa mama mo hindi naman need lagi kasi what if may gusto din tayong gawin or puntahan pag holiday.

Okay na yung once a month if malayo yung bahay ng in-laws para naman may time kayo ng husband mo to do the things you want or travel kapag walang work. Kami before weekly nagdinner sa house ng in-laws since 1 hr away lang naman. Ngayon hindi na kasi not in good terms kami ng husband ko with his father.  :( Niyayaya na lang namin ng lunch or dinner sa mall si mil and sil.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: o9kristin on January 31, 2019, 01:19:56 pm
No.. But like most commenters here say, you need to respect them.

As how I see it, problems arise when the in-laws see the spouse as ?karibal? to their son. I believe na wala sa bait yan kasi kahit gano sila ka bait, when they see you as karibal, wala na nagkaka-conflict na. My husband was also the breadwinner of the family. As in halos sya ang nag-angat sa family nila sa kahirapan. But when we got married, wala silang masamang sinabi because they never see me as karibal sa anak nila but an addition to the family. Hindi din sila nakikialam sa decisions namin mag-asawa. They make suggestions from time to time but never impose.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: super bratinella on July 11, 2019, 06:03:30 am
At first my in laws are not really favorable na ako mapangasawa ng anak nila kasi medyo hindi  ako magandang influence sa anak nila who has been a good boy.

Nung kinasal kami hindi rin sila convinced that I can manage household efficiently.

As the years go by I just proved them wrong.

I never answer them back, before me and my husband got married my papa give me piece of advise I will never forget. Sabi ng papa ko "Sagutin mo na kami magulang mo, maiintindihan ka namin, pero huwag na huwag ang magiging byenan mo."

So I never answer them back no matter what! Nilalambing ko na lang sila.

Fast forward, I see to it that I date my mom and dad in law and me exclusive without my husband. Bond and update lang on what's happening with my life ask for their advices.  Just quality time with them.

They are happy then I am happy..
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: barbramae on July 23, 2019, 01:56:16 pm
No. Civil lang.

In my case, jusko, anak nga nila di nila kayang mahalin ng maayos tapos mamahalin ko pa sila. Masyado naman yata silang sinuswerte.  ::)

Pupunta nalang sa church wedding naman, kami na nga gagatos lahat. aattend lang sila, hindi pa magawa.  >:(
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: PurpleBubbleGum on January 31, 2020, 12:22:25 pm
Hehe I tried loving my in laws. Been living with them starting 6 months before the wedding and now almost 1.5 years na kaming nakatira sa kanila and hubby and I are now married.

I thought talaga mabait si MIL. Pero iba pala talaga pag kasama mo na sa bahay, lumalabas tunay na kulay. She acts like the queen of the house (well dapat naman kasi sya ang may ari ng bahay). Pero thing is, para narin kaming umupa because we pay all the bills. Pati food at bigas kami. And malakas pa un mangutang pero walang bayaran.

May time na ang bait nya sakin pero may mga times na maldita sya. Maski anong bilhin ko para sa kanila, out of love and pakikisama, lagi syang may pintas. Kesyo dapat ganito ang bilhin. Mali ito. Mali yan. Wala na akong ginawang tama. Ang nakakatawa ako ang laging nanlilibre sa lahat kasi wala naman silang pera. Feeling mayaman pero wala namang pera. Kung makapintas pa, kala mo kung sino. Buti nga binilhan pa sila diba. She's very insensitive and she treats my husband like a 1 year old. Ayaw nyang pagbuhatin at paghugasin ng plato. Ultimo brief ng asawa ko sya parin naglalaba kasi daw nasanay na sya. Take note, in a few years, 40 y/o na ang asawa ko!

Also, aside from criticizing me everyday, she forces me to adopt to their culture and lifestyle. Eh kaso iba ako. Tulad sa pagkain, andaming bawal sakin. Pero for a few months last year, pinakisamahan ko at kumakain ako kasi baka magtampo. Ayun resulta is lalong lumala ang sakit ko. Lahat ng ideas ko lagi syang nakakontra. At makomento in a tactless and insensitive way.

Isa pa, mahilig makipagcompete. Pag may bago akong damit or gamit, inggit sya. Tulad nung bday ko binilhan ako ng asawa ko ng sapatos, sya din nagpabili ng mamahalin sapatos. Maski wala ng pera asawa ko. Ending, ako pa din ang nagbayad kasi nga kapos ang asawa ko. Pero ni hani ho, walang thank you si MIL.

Kahit ganon, wala kang choice kundi magsmile at makisama pa din. Pero mapupuno ka rin pala. I decided na iwan ang asawa ko maski 6 months palang kami kasal kasi di ko na kaya. Galit na galit na ako sa MIL ko. It's not healthy to live with her at alam kong dadating [textspeak!] time, masasagot ko sya at masasabihan ng masakit. I told my husband lilipat na ako ng bahay at iiwan ko na sya. Ayun, nagalit ang asawa ko and I told him everything. Lahat ng naipon kong sama ng loob sa nanay nya. He understood na never kami magkakasundo.

Dont get me wrong mga sis, maski "maldita" nanay nya sakin, never ko un sinagot kahit asar na asar na ako. Respeto pa din. But the longer I stay in their house, chances are in the near future, magkakabanggaan kami.

So in 3 months, lilipat na kami ng asawa ko. Freedom! Excited na ako. Ayoko na talaga dito! Hahaha!
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: glamorosa_09 on January 31, 2020, 06:15:19 pm
Quote from: PurpleBubbleGum
So in 3 months, lilipat na kami ng asawa ko. Freedom! Excited na ako. Ayoko na talaga dito! Hahaha!

Wow! Congrats! Ang haba ng pisi mo... Bait mo pa nga eh.

Okay yan, hindi mo pinapili husband mo. Tipong, "aalis na ko, bahala ka na kung sasama ka o hindi." May tampuhan, yes, but in the end, ikaw pinili.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: charmed30 on February 06, 2020, 08:14:30 am
my MIL and I were never really close. Never got the chance since I am already based overseas during the time that hubby and I met and got married. We occasionally see each other when we go back to PH for vacay. My husband's relationship with her is not really okay due to unresolved issues and resentments. If I'm honest, I always try to stay away from her. I don't like her, her decisions and choices, and most of all, how she's a deadbeat grandparent to my kids. I am in the point in my life to unload these kind of negative people regardless if they're family or friends.
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: swtgrl_bee on February 06, 2020, 11:15:21 am
Hmmmm, we need to respect them. :)
Title: Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
Post by: PurpleBubbleGum on February 08, 2020, 01:25:21 pm
Wow! Congrats! Ang haba ng pisi mo... Bait mo pa nga eh.

Okay yan, hindi mo pinapili husband mo. Tipong, "aalis na ko, bahala ka na kung sasama ka o hindi." May tampuhan, yes, but in the end, ikaw pinili.


Haha yes! Actually dumating sa point na ayoko na umuwi at magpakita sa kanilang lahat. I was so angry. Yung naipong galit at inis sa loob ng mahigit isang taon. Di ako yung tipong madaling magalit pero iba talaga pag bottled up yung emotions mo and you cannot express yourself. Di ka makapag unload. That's what happens when you live with your in-laws. Di ka pwedeng magalit, Di ka pwedeng humindi at umangal. I felt like a robot. That was not me at all.

I told my husband all of that and thank God he understood. Kasi di ko sya panghihinayangan kung di nya ako kayang panindigan sa parents nya. I'm glad my husband has "balls" to stand up and fight for me. Di naman sobrang evil ng MIL ko. In fact, nung nagpaalam na kami na aalis... bigla syang bumait sakin. As in. Pero ewan ko ba, I just smile at her and that's it. Nawalan na kasi talaga ako ng gana sa kanya. Di na ako nakikipagkwentuhan sa kanya like before. Di ko na sya halos kausapin. Di narin ako nagdadala ng pasalubong whatsoever. In short, wala na akong paki and i'm not even trying to win her approval anymore. I just dont care.

 I am just waiting for the day na makaalis na kami dito para matuto narin kami kasi feeling ko di kami aasenso pag kasama sila. Mahirap makitira sa biyenan totoo talaga yun. I tried to love them pero siguro mas okay parin talaga na may distance kami sa isa't isa. Yung bihira ko sila makita.

Siguro okay na yung civil kami, may respeto pa din. Pero yung love, siguro mas matututunan ko if di na kami magkasama sa bahay haha! Loving from a distance 'ika nga.