Trigger warning: depression.

There’s no denying the pain that comes after a breakup, especially if your relationship is under the public eye. In an interview for Toni Gonzaga's YouTube channel, vlogger Jelai Andres reflects on the lessons that she has learned from her failed marriage with Ex-Battalion rapper Jon Gutierrez.

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Kailangan mahal mo rin yung sarili mo. Bago ka magbigay ng magbigay, mag-iwan ka sa sarili mo. Wag mong papabayaang makawawa ka,” says Jelai, who opened up about her ex-husband’s alleged infidelity over the course of their relationship.

Jelai and Jon, previously known as #Jolai, first became internet sensations in 2015, the same year they met and started their romantic relationship.

However, just one year into their romance, Jelai called it quits through a lengthy Facebook post, claiming that the rapper had cheated on her.

Getting cheated on, she says, ripped her into pieces. Jelai says of the experience: “Para kang namatay. Lumaki ako na pure, na naniniwala ka na may kabutihan ‘tong taong ‘to, na baka nagkamali lang siya. Magbibigay ako ng chance.”

They eventually got back together in 2017, with Jelai penning an Instagram post, wearing her heart on her sleeve. “He’s not perfect, but neither am I. He makes me laugh; he makes me cry. I love him with all my heart. I have the perfect imperfect man,” her caption states.

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The two tied the knot in 2018, after a full year of traveling and enjoying their whirlwind romance together.

It turns out, however, that Jon continued with this affairs with other women. “Paulit-ulit na nangyari, which is hindi naman nalaman ng ibang tao, ‘onti lang yung nalaman niyo. Dalawa lang ata,” she shares. “Pero meron. Ang dami kong paghihirap na pinagdadaanan kasi pilit kong binubuo yung sarili ko. Bubuuin ko rin siya while ako naman pala yung nawawasak.”

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The emotional abuse led her to experience depression. “Umiiyak ako tas dire-diretso na lang naninigas ako, tas nagsasara yung throat ko. Di ako makahinga,” she recounts, adding that she was rushed to the hospital countless times due to her panic attacks.

Was her faith in fixing their relationship worth the negative toll on her emotional and physical well-being? She sighs. “Clean lagi yung love na binibigay ko. Pero ang hirap yung love na binibigay mo, pain yung kapalit, na dapat di mo nararamdaman.”

When asked on why she continuously fought for her husband despite the hardships, Jelai explains, “Naniwala ako sa kanya. Naniwala ako kasi love mo eh. Kinasal kami. Feeling ko nung time na yun kailangan ko ipaglaban. Ginawa ko lahat hanggang nasagad na.”

Their breakup in March 2021 was her last straw, and by June the same year, she formally filed a concubinage complaint against her husband. In an interview, she said, "Sobra na po kasi… Eto na, kailangang kong ipagtanggol ang pagkatao ko."

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It’s safe to safe that she hasn’t looked back since, and seems as though she’s perfectly fine with her single status: “Ngayon ko lang naramdaman na wala akong iniisip. Hindi yung matutulog ka ng gabi, iiyak ka. Mas okay na yung mag-isa na lang ako pero di ako umiiyak.”

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Jelai also reveals that she has already moved on from the pain brought by her failed relationship with Jon. “Bigla na lang akong gumising na parang, 'Ay, bat di ako galit? 'Ayoko nang gumanti, hindi na ako galit. Bigla na lang,” she says. “Ang ginawa ko ay minahal ko yung sarili ko.”

Ang lungkot ko 'pag Christmas, pero ngayon, sumasayaw ako sa Christmas songs, excited ako,” she continues effusively. “So napansin ko, nag-iba na talaga ako, bumalik na ‘ko.

Just when is enough really enough when it comes to fighting for a loved one? Jelai further advises, “Kapag hindi na tama yung nararamdaman mo, 'pag alam mong sobra na. Meron naman kasing worth it ipaglaban eh, pero 'pag ginawa mo na, wala pa din, paulit-ulit na lang nangyayari sayo, hindi na.”

This story originally appeared on Cosmo.ph.
* Minor edits have been made by the Female Network editors.

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