Last June, Kris Aquino announced on entertainment show The Buzz that her marriage with basketball player James Yap was over but refused to speak about the reasons why. James countered with a statement of his own claiming that he will “fight to keep my family intact.”
Last Sunday, The Buzz released part two of host Boy Abunda’s recent interview with Kris, in which she finally breaks her silence and talks about why her six-year marriage with James didn’t work, Spot.PH reports. “[The] truth is, and James knows this also, we stopped loving each other a long time ago,” she is quoted as saying on PEP.ph.
In a further statement, Kris admits that the last straw on the camel’s back was an incident last April 26. “May nasabi siya sa anak ko (He said something to my son) which I will forever keep between the two of us. May nasabi siya sa galit namin sa isa't isa siguro nung panahon na yun, na nasaktan talaga ako (he said that probably because we were so angry at each other at the time, and I was really hurt.) At yun ang nagpatunay sa akin na (and that was what proved to me that) this is not the man for me and this is not the man I want to stay with…”
In her interview with Boy, Kris cites a myriad of reasons for their breakup: common problems that couples encounter in their relationships. Individually, these factors don’t necessarily spell a doomed relationship but having a combination of these make it very hard to make things work between you and your man.
Could your relationship be suffering through the same problems Kris and James’s did? Click on a problem below to find out more about it or simply read on.
- You have very little in common
- Your personalities are very dissimilar
- You both have jobs that require tremendous focus/attention
- There are trust issues between the two of you
- You have trouble communicating to each other
YOU HAVE VERY LITTLE IN COMMON
She’s from showbiz; he’s a basketball player. She’s used to living in a fast-paced, intrigue-filled world; he’s not. If you and your partner have no common interests, it’s harder to keep the flame going. If you don't put sufficient effort into finding things you both enjoy, eventually, you will find yourself having nothing to talk about or being unable to understand why your partner takes time away from you to do something you consider completely boring.
A significant age gap (Kris and James have an 11-year difference) can also be a factor. On PEP.ph, Kris herself admits, “I didn't take into consideration the difference in upbringing, education, likes and dislikes, because I was in love. So, now na pinagdaanan na naming lahat yun, get ko na. (Now that we’ve been through it already, I understand.)” Coming from different generations with different backgrounds, the two had problems reconciling their two opposing ways of thinking.
YOUR PERSONALITIES ARE VERY DISSIMILAR
They say opposites attract—but they can also go to war. Kris and James are a study in contrast: Kris’ career in show business has made her extroverted and decisive, unafraid to air her feelings and even the intimate details of her life to the public, whereas James, with his more reserved personality, would rather keep quiet.
“Masyado kaming maraming mga pagkakaiba sa personalidad na umabot na sa point na (There were so many differences in our personality that we got to a point where) James wants to be James, I want to be Kris,” Kris is quoted as saying on PEP.ph. Conflicts arise when a relationship is not equal, so both parties should learn to adapt to each other’s personality and consider each other’s feelings if they are going to have any measure of success in a relationship.
YOU BOTH HAVE JOBS THAT REQUIRE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF FOCUS/ATTENTION
Besides taking on multiple TV shows and endorsements as a celebrity, Kris has also worked hard campaigning for her brother, incumbent president Noynoy Aquino, last election period. Meanwhile, James is an active professional basketball player in the Derby Ace Llamados.
With conflicting and constantly busy schedules, it's no wonder spending time with each other became a hardship for them. But in order to keep growing as a couple, learning about each other, and enjoying each other's company, spending time with your partner is a must.
THERE ARE TRUST ISSUES BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU
Commitment and trust are important components of a successful marriage. Being loyal to your partner is one of the biggest ways of showing that you value your relationship. Instances of infidelity can wreak havoc on your marriage because it ruins the trust that your partner has placed in you. In Kris’s case, she claims that they never resolved James’s alleged relationship with Belo clinic employee Hope Centeno three years ago.
“So in my mind and to present to everybody...gagawin ko na, pipilitin ko na wala na yun, napatawad ko na...nakalimutan ko na, pinaniniwalaan ko siya (I’ll do it, I’ll force myself to think of it as nothing, I forgave him…I forgot about it, I believe him).The truth is, any woman who's in a relationship—whether boyfriend, girlfriend, whether kinasal kayo—once may infidelity, ang hirap lagpasan nun (once there's infidelity, it's hard to get past that),” she is quoted as saying on PEP.ph.
YOU HAVE TROUBLE COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER
According to this article on ReviveYourLife.com, communication doesn’t involve just speaking your mind—it involves “making a statement and being heard” and “different levels of emotion, understanding and importance.” So make sure that you do it right and listen carefully to what your partner has to say too. Kris and James, for example, have both used the press to give messages to each other, forgetting that in order to fully understand each other’s predicament, they should have talked to each other directly instead.
(Photos courtesy of PEP.ph)