femalenetwork.com

You were up until 2 a.m., agonizing with your boyfriend over whether or not to break up with him over rumored sightings by friends and you need to put up a happy face for your 8:30 a.m. presentation. The beloved dog you’ve had since you were 14 dies on day two of your new job, and you can’t seem to hold back the tears. Life traumas happen and somehow you’re still supposed to function professionally at work. “All of us are human; however talented, capable, and smart we are, things happen that are simple beyond our control,” says Ellen Bravo, co-director of the 9to5 National Association of Working Women, a resource and advocacy organization for women in business, based in Milwaukee. “But even if you work for a sympathetic company, they need to know that the responsibilities they’ve hired you for are what your mind is on while you’re on their clock.”

Depending on what’s going down in your private life, there are ways to compartmentalize your emotions. General work rules when your life’s falling apart include using a few days of vacation time to rally your resources; seeking out extra support from friends, family, or a therapist; paring down your social obligations until the crisis has passed; and paying more—not less—attention to your mental and physical health. You’re not worth anything to anyone if you stress yourself out of commission. But as every personal disaster is different, here are specific tips on how to survive.

PERSONAL CRISIS 1: You’re going through a big-time breakup
You and he call it quits, but neither of you is ready to go gracefully. When you’re not fighting on the telephone at work, you’re puffy-eyed, preoccupied, and tired.

How to deal: Look at your job as a vacation from life. “When Carlos and I broke up, I was grateful I had to work,” says Diana, a physical therapist. “I just dove in and put the breakup in the back of my head.”

Screen your calls. Let voice mail pick up. Then return the calls that aren’t from him.

Do people-oriented tasks. Solitary jobs like filing give you too much freedom to think. “When my husband moved out, I scheduled lots of client meetings,” says Jenny, a sales manager. “It helped me to interact with people who didn’t know me—there was no way it was going to get personal. Even though I felt pathetic, functioning in a professional way helped me pretend I was capable and strong, which made me feel better.

PERSONAL CRISIS 2: Someone you’re close to becomes sick or disabled.
Between worrying, decoding medical mumbo jumbo, and being strong in the face of fear, it can be hard to get excited about deadlines or sales reports.

How to deal: Spare your boss the details. “Be forthcoming but don’t tell him more than he’s interested in knowing,” advises Ann, an editor-in-chief for a lifestyle magazine, whose mother had a stroke last year. Your boss needs to know what’s up so he doesn’t think you’re slacking off, but using him as a confidante may make him feel guilty to make demands, which could lead to seeing you as a liability.

Reassure him. “Tell your boss when you’ll be back full speed, and say something like, ‘While I am here, my work will not be compromised,’” says Bravo.

Take an emergency leave. Check with personnel if this applies to your company. If it’s a spouse, child, or parent who’s sick enough to require at least three days of your attention (a doctor needs to write a note), you can go on emergency leave.

PERSONAL CRISIS 3: You’re unexpectedly pregnant
An out-of-the-blue pregnancy brings up such large issues as readiness for parenthood and can strain your relationship with the man who is responsible.

How to deal: Do mindless work. Leave important projects for another time. “I was really into organizing my data,” says Cecile, 27, a researcher at the stock exchange. “It was the only kind of energy I could muster. I used my brain, but it didn’t require too much thought. It got me through.”

Go easy on yourself. Give yourself a break if you’re not superproductive. “Give yourself a long weekend to think things through, preferably with a friend who’s totally supportive,” suggests Santa Fe, New Mexico psychologist Elizabeth Stirling.

PERSONAL CRISIS 4: Someone close to you dies
Even if its expected, the loss of someone you care about can be so all-consuming that work can seem unimportant.

How to deal: Call the benefits department. “Bereavement leave is a company policy and so it’s different at different companies,” says Bravo. Some offer a few days off, where at others, the time off, if any, is at the discretion of your supervisor.

Allow time for your emotions. If you need to, talk with your boss about the possibility of adjusting your schedule or taking some time off in coming weeks.

Let a friend at work spread the word. That way, coworkers will show their support or give you the space you need.

PERSONAL CRISIS 5: You take on too many outside commitments
You’re training for a marathon, organizing your friend’s bridal shower, and volunteering at a hospital—and the stress of it all makes you hyperventilate.

How to deal: Remember to breathe. “I definitely take on too much,” sighs Julie, a secretary at a cosmetics company. Her solution? Julie started spending her lunch hours at an aerobics class in a nearby gym. “Getting in touch with my body helps me concentrate at work. Everything feels more manageable now.”

Scale back. “Decide if there’s something that can be done by someone else or something that doesn’t really have to get done,” says Bravo. “One of the things I say to myself is ‘If there were a crisis right now, how would I reorder my life?’ Then I do just that to prevent a crisis.”

Find other ways to give. If you can’t give time, give money or give the name of someone who can volunteer in your place.