femalenetwork.com

Your boss is open and honest, kind and caring, cuddly and warm. She’s truly on your side. Every encounter you have with the woman is like a burst of sunshine.

Okay, let’s proceed to the real world.

She can be demanding, unpredictable, and tougher to placate than Courtney Love. Of course she’s human, and pressures from above probably make her job a bitch, but sometimes you think she actually enjoys toying with you.

Well, maybe you’re right. It’s no secret bosses play mind games—like making coworkers compete or staring at you blankly as you nervously blabber on. Sometimes it’s an intentional strategy to get you to work harder or prove your value. Other times it’s probably unconscious. In any case, mishandling these volleys from the top brass can sap your sanity and even cripple your career. Here, Cosmo leaks the motives behind your boss’s bewildering behavior and tells the right way to bat back even the wildest curveball. You’ll become the office MVP in no time.

Professional Puzzle 1: The Pregnant Pause
You’ve just pitched your boss a brilliant (if you do say so yourself) idea. When you’re done, she looks at you silently for what seems like an eternity. As you squirm you conclude, She thinks I’m an idiot.

Game Analysis: Before you punch the paranoid button, realize there’s a good possibility that your boss is simply considering what you’ve said. “Yes, I may sit silently if someone comes to me with an idea, but I’m often just thinking about what I heard,” says Chris, president of a technological marketing company. “Sometimes a boss needs time process.”

But if you suspect there’s more to her mum manner, you could be right. “A long pause is a way to assert power,” says Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D., author of The Gentle Art of Self-Defense and Work (Prentice Hall, 2000). “Or it could also be a mini-test, a way to see how you react under pressure.”

Your Best Move: Remain calm. Meet your boss’s challenge by showing that you’re able to stay poised when in a confusing situation. “I always have the urge to fill in conversation holes with meaningless blather,” confesses Jean, 29, a museum curator. “Then I saw a coworker do the same thing at a meeting when our boss gave her the silent treatment, and I realized how totally out of control it made her look.”

To keep from getting flustered during those painful speechless sessions, count in your head, One alligator, two alligator, three… If the pause lasts longer than an excruciating 10 seconds, she may be trying to get you to reveal more information before forming her opinion or giving an answer. Feed her one or two bits of additional detail that may help her out, suggests Elgin. Then ask a question that forces her to break the silence like, “Is there anything you’d like more details on?”

Professional Puzzle 2: The Assignment Duke-Out
Who’ll get that coveted account—you or your coworker? The boss says it’s up for grabs and it’s up to you and your colleague to fight each other for it.

Game Analysis: She’s probably hoping that you and your coworker, driven by primal competitiveness, will both bust serious ass. “It’s an attempt to motivate the troops,” says Rosemary T. Salmon, coauthor of Office Politics for the Utterly Confused (McGraw-Hill, 1998). “She wants to keep her employees hungry by dangling treats in front of them.”

Your Best Move: Step up to the plate and take your best swing. The tactics may be sneaky, but the motive is clear: Your boss wants to light a fire under your butt, according to Salmon. So prove you can deal with the competition and deliver your best work. In the end, whether you actually land the assignment doesn’t matter as much as showing that you’re able to turn up the juice when necessary.

Professional Puzzle 3: The Praise-Stingy Player
You’ve pulled off a major client coup, raking in serious bucks for the firm. At the very least, you expect a pat on the back. Instead, you get a slap on the face. “Good, but next time ask my permission before you send priority mail” is the only thing the boss says about your achievement.

Game Analysis: Sounds crazy, but the lack of feedback could actually be a compliment. “I’m often guilty of not giving enough praise, but it’s usually when I’m dealing with such a good employee that I simply assume she’ll always do a good job,” says Cynthia, president of an Internet-Consulting firm. But if you never get positive feedback, it could be that your boss is jealous and perhaps fearful of your accomplishments.

Your Best Move: Take the punches, then be proactive. Get your game-playing boss to cough up the compliments by arranging a meeting to discuss your performance.

Another Smart Office Move: Give a micro-manager boss detailed updates on your projects. “I had a boss who freaked about the smallest things even when I scored big,” says Michelle, 27, a party planner. “She calmed down once I started clueing her in more to what I was doing. I realized if she was in the loop, she didn’t feel so threatened when I suddenly landed an account.”

Professional Puzzle 4: The Mind-Reading Match
The boss hands you an assignment. Well, it’s sort of an assignment. You ask for clarification. She doesn’t explain it—then or ever. Two weeks later, you turn your report in. “Sorry, that’s not exactly what I’m looking for,” she says. Great. You’ve eliminated one possibility—only 255,000 to go.

Game Analysis: Your boss secretly may not know exactly what she wants, according to Bob Weinstein, author of I Hate My Boss (McGraw-Hill, 1998). She needs you to present as many ideas as it takes to narrow down the possibilities so she can form her concept. Perhaps your boss is giving you the chance to hit the jackpot…or enough rope to hang yourself. “Every so often my editor hands me some hazy story idea to work on,” says Anne, 28, a reporter. “I can tell it’s a test to see what I can deliver.”

Your Best Move: Give your directionless salve driver not just one option by three or four. “I always present my editor with a few angle choices before moving on an iffy assignment,” says Anne. If your boss still isn’t blown away by any of your proposals, get her to crystallize her thinking by asking leading questions: “What results would you ultimately like to see come out of this report?” or “Do you want the marketing department to be involved in this project?” Every time the boss picks an option, clarifies a point, or drops any clues whatsoever as to what you should do, put it in writing and fire it back to her in memo form. That paper trail will guarantee you’re both thinking alike—and you’ll be able to shine.