femalenetwork.com

I liked her. My friends liked her. Dinner with the family was somewhere on the horizon. She was smart, funny, great-looking, and amazing in bed. Then, I got a wake-up call. Literally.

One Saturday, at 9 a.m., I was roused from my sleep by a knock at the front door. I’d been out late the night before with some coworkers, and my first though was Whoever this is has to die. I swung the door open. There, holding a grocery bag from a local trendy gourmet shop, stood bright-eyed Michelle.

The girl who, until that very moment, was perfect.

“Rise and shine,” she chirped with a smile, “I’m gonna make you breakfast!” An hour later, after I’d managed to conceal my annoyance-turned-bewilderment, we were eating banana pancakes topped with chocolate syrup at my kitchen table. I know that she meant well and all; I just couldn’t get past it. Why didn’t she call first? Was she checking up on me? Was she raised by wolves? Maybe her heart really was in the right place, but she should’ve known better.

Romantic gestures and tokens of appreciation are not lost on men. In fact, they count for a lot. We love knowing that the girl we’re mad for likes us back. And we love knowing that she thinks about us when we aren’t there. But we can get spooked for what may seem like the strangest reasons, and sweet gestures given at the wrong time can send us running in the opposite direction. Here’s the scoop on what lovey-dovey stuff works for us, what doesn’t, and when to do it.

Level 1: Puppy-Love Period
The most dangerous moment to lavish attention on a guy is when you first start dating. You may be so caught up in the thrill of a new relationship that you feel an overwhelming desire to indulge in truly sappy romantic behavior (like giving him a mug that says World’s Greatest Lover). The important thing to remember in the first few weeks with your new love: Romantic gestures from women fall in two categories: (1) She really likes me! (2) I’m dating Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

The truth is, a guy doesn’t expect or want much during this phase. Of course he’s praying for sex (and at this stage of the game, that is the most important gesture of all). But don’t send him love letters, cute cards, or cook him a big family dinner. The key is not to try too hard. You don’t want him to worry that you’ve put more thought and effort into this one gift than he has put into the entire relationship.

Birthday/holiday rule: If a gift-giving situation pops up during these early romantic stages, remember less is more. Your best bet is to give him a gift that can be consumed. If you know he likes a certain type of beer, buy him an entire case. If he’s a fitness freak, get him his favorite nutrition bars. Avoid trinket-itis that is buying precious little figurines/key chains/etc. You may want to give him the Beanie Baby that looks like his childhood dog. Don’t.

Level 2: Officially-an-Item Time
This is when you’re boyfriend and girlfriend but just barely. You are on each other’s speed dial, but you haven’t exchange apartment keys yet. The thing about romantic gestures at this point is that they should be all about the two of you as a couple. So inside jokes are good. If you went to Enchanted Kingdom together, get him the Wizard doll. If he’s had a rough day, go ahead and get sappy. Give him a coupon that says ‘This entitles you to one back rub’ or some other even more erotic gift. If you’re traveling, send him a postcard saying you are thinking about him. All of these gestures show that you really, really like him.

What not to do? Anything that expands your intimacy into a domain where you haven’t been invited. For example, whatever you do, don’t call his mom on the phone asking for recipes to his favorite dishes, even if you really want to cook him a special dinner (because he may not want you talking to his mom). If you’ve noticed he has a collection of frog stuff (frog magnets, frog mittens, frog playing cards), don’t go buying any more for him. It may be his inside joke with another friend, and it will seem like you are trying to get in on it. These may seem like little things, but to a guy, they can make him feel like you are upping the commitment ante, and it can unhinge him a bit.

Birthday/holiday rule:
This is tricky. You want to get him something nice but not too nice. For example: Organizer? Yes. The new improved PDA-phone? No. An expensive night out on the town? Yes. A tropical vacation for two planned for six months down the road? No. A sexy love letter where you spell out exactly how fabulous he is (both in and out of bed)? Yes. That letter embroidered on a pillow? No. (Always avoid anything that he feels he has to display in his apartment.) They key with all of these is that he has something he enjoys right now but that isn’t too heavily directed toward the future.

Level 3: Long-term Love
This is the final Jeopardy! Round. You’re a couple, big-time. If you aren’t living together, you definitely keep toothbrushes at both places. You’ve probably met the folks, and you may even be sending them presents at the holidays. At this stage of the game, he loves to be told that you still think he’s Your Man. So get personal and creative. Send him lusty e-mail luring him out of the office for a lunchtime quickie. Plan a weekend away, and then while on vacation, grant him three wishes and bring along a, um, Polaroid camera. Do things that remind him of all the phases of your relationship. Re-create your first date: food, clothes, everything. Give him a mix CD with every song you’ve ever danced to. Put together a photo album of the two of you in your absolutely happiest times.

Birthday/holiday rule: Get him (and his best friend) season tickets to go watch his favorite sports team. Buy a star in his name. Book him for a week at a basketball fantasy camp that is the same week as your family reunion (so he doesn’t have to go with you). And give him a dog even if you hate them. Because the best romantic gestures are the ones that remind him of why the two of you are so perfect together.

Lovey-dovey Deeds that Wowed Him
“The night before my birthday, I came home from work totally exhausted—with even more work to look forward to the next day…I opened my front door to find all my friends there with food and drinks, ready to celebrate! My girlfriend had set up a surprise party! It made me feel so special. That night made me realize that she really cared about me. We’ve been together for four years now.”
—Mark, 26, web page designer

“One day, I took my girlfriend along to check out a brood of Rottweiler puppies. I saw a pup I really wanted to get but I couldn’t afford it. The following week, I learned that I passed by board exams, so I drove over to my girlfriend’s house to celebrate. She surprised me with a gift: the Rottweiler puppy we saw together. It was the sweetest thing that any girl ever did for me.”
—Pat, 25, engineer

“Guys never get flowers. So imagine my surprise when my girlfriend gave me a dozen yellow roses on my birthday. Each bulb was as large as my fist. It gave me a weird thrill to realize that the girl was the one giving me flowers. I don’t think I stopped smiling that whole day.”
—Paul, 24, systems analyst

“She told me to keep two days free during the holiday season for our very own Christmas celebration where she took care of everything—she picked me up from work, then drove all the way up to Tagaytay where she had a reservation for a romantic dinner and a room booked at a cozy hotel. It was such a treat because for once, I didn’t have to plan anything and was romanced by a woman.”
—Martin, 30, investment banker

“I was so used to taking her out to lunch or dinner every weekend. One Sunday, she surprised me by driving me to the Ateneo grounds instead. She whipped out a picnic basket filled with cheese, bread, and wine from the car. Later, she brought out a kite and we played with it like kids. After that, my adrenalin was so high that I couldn’t wait to get her home to show my appreciation!”
—Allan, 32, artist