Get weekly updates via email!
tip of the day WED 23 APR 14
Research has shown that drinking an ice slushie before exercise can extend runner's endurance--by around 10 minutes, on average.
  • Good House Keeping
    Find your bliss this summer! GH's guide to a calmer, luckier, and happier you. On stands now for only P120.
    Good Housekeeping
  • Real Living
    Real Living’s April 2014 issue is a thing of beauty, literally! The magazine’s Beautiful Homes issue features 43 pages which will inspire you to rethink your own space.
    Real Living
  • Women's Health
    Everything you need to score your hottest, sexiest summer EVER is in the Women’s Health March issue!
    Women's Health
 
April 04, 2011

Monster-in-Law: 6 Mother-in-Law Problem Scenarios and How to Deal

Is mother-in-law terrorizing your marriage? FN offers suggestions on how to get along with your hubby's mom.
monster_in_law_new_line_cinema.jpgYou may be married to the man of your dreams, but there's definitely a catch, and it's a big one--your mother-in-law. Remember the movie Monster-in-Law, starring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda? Yes, you can definitely relate, and then some!

But wonderful as it may be to imagine strangling your mother-in-law--or MIL, as many of us call her--you have to know this isn't a viable solution to your marital MILady. Check out the problems we've listed below. Any of them sound familiar? We share comments from women who have been there, done that, and we offer tips on how to deal with each of these possible scenarios.


Monster-in-Law Scenario #1. You hear she's criticized you behind your back.

Confront her about the issue she commented on, not about her criticism of you. If it's relevant, you may want to ask for her advice.

Trish heard from a relative that her mom-in-law was criticizing her practices as a mother. "She told a family friend that she didn't blame me because uso daw yan sa mga moms ngayon (it's common with mothers these days), but she didn't think I was disciplining my daughter correctly," says the 34-year-old mother. "So the next time we saw each other, I mentioned [the incident she had commented on], and asked her if she encountered anything similar with my husband when he was a child and what she did about it. I don't know if I'll ever use the advice she gave me, but I think it's important to her that I asked."


Monster-in-Law Scenario #2. She undermines your authority.


CC shares that one of the rules she set for her kids was that they were only allowed to drink soft drinks during parties or on weekends and holidays. "But since we lived in a compound, they could go next door to lola's house and drink Coke any time they wanted to," she says. "I finally had to get mad at my mother-in-law for encouraging them to break the rule [my husband and I] set."

You need to establish the rules early on, and make sure everyone is aware of them. Especially when kids are involved, let relatives and friends know that it's not okay to bypass household rules just because they don't belong to the household themselves. Just explain that your discipline philosophy has you invested in making sure your child is raised to realized there's no "palusot," and it's not fair to the child if the grownup acts as a BI.


Monster-in-Law Scenario #3. She meddles with your marriage.

"Nakikialam siya sa lahat ng away namin (she gets involved in our arguments)," Trish recounts, mentioning an incident in which her mother-in-law actually butted in on an argument between herself and her husband.

Gently, subtly, but firmly remind her that this is first and foremost an issue between you and your husband. You may want to put it this way the next time she offers unsolicited advice: "Thank you for your concern and your advice. Actually, we are still trying to clear the matter up with each other to make sure this isn't some kind of miscommunication before we decide on what to do." This is a more diplomatic way of saying, "If we want your advice, we'll ask for it."


Monster-in-Law Scenario #4. She is openly--and frequently--critical.

Trish recounts an incident in which her mother-in-law made some nasty implications to her after she'd argued with her husband. "She said something like, maybe he was working late all the time because he didn't want to go home."

Don't fight fire with fire and answer back. For one thing, it will put you in a more unattractive light because Filipinos are raised not to talk back to their elders. Another thing is, turning your encounters into catfights won't help things and will only force your husband into the awkward role of mediator. In this case, the best defense is, well, a good defense. When she criticizes you, ask her to explain her observations and, yes, ask her for suggestions on how you can improve things. That doesn't mean you need to follow them to the letter--just hear her side of things. Then explain why you do the things you do, and if her comments have merit, consider following her advice.


Monster-in-Law Scenario #5. Her attitude toward you is cold and uninviting.


"When [my husband and I] were still going out," says Yvette, "I would sometimes see his mom at church or in the mall. Kung kasama si [husband], we'd all say hi, make beso, etc. Kung wala, minsan dedma unless nahahalata siya (If my husband wasn't present, we'd ignore each other unless other people notice her)."

Coldness on your mother-in-law's part is not in anyway unusual, especially if you're just in the beginning stages of your MIL-DIL relationship. Sometimes, all it takes is for her to get used to the fact that she's no longer the most important woman in your man's life--and for her to get used to you as a person. Make polite overtures and invite her to be part of your lives, but don't toady to her. You don't want her to think she can dominate you, but you do want her to see you as a likeable equal worthy of her respect and affection.


Monster-in-Law Scenario #6. She over-mothers your husband.

CC says, "Even after we married, she would still come to our house and do my husband's laundry! It was only across the driveway [in our compound], but still, di ba?"

Your hubby doesn't have to be a mama's boy for Mom to have an overwhelming presence in your lives. The truth is, she may just have trouble letting go. She has spent at least a couple of decades taking care of your man, so it may just be habit for her. Don't try to push her aside or fight over him--instead, offer to do the stuff for him that she's used to doing herself. And take advantage of her expertise when it comes to learning about your guys likes and dislikes. She'll appreciate the effort you make and will eventually come to the conclusion that she's leaving him in capable hands.


Read these articles for more relationship tips:



(Photo from Monster-In-Law courtesy of New Line Cinema)
Join us on Facebook
Follow us on Twitter
COMMENTS
Name :
Email :
Website :
Comment :
Security Image
 
 
NOTE: FemaleNetwork.com is a CLEAN ZONE. Editors reserve the right to delete obscene comments.
Filter comments by:
  • Be the first one to comment...
Filter comments by:
 
 
ADVERTISEMENT
follow us
LATEST Articles
MOST READ Articles
A Real-Life Version of
Musicians crooning the Disney song urge couples to pucker up.  Apr 23, 2014 
5 Surprising Facts about Masturbation
There's more to it than the sex toys. No, really.  Apr 23, 2014 
Here's Why You Should Seriously Think Long and Hard before Moving In with Your Partner
It's guaranteed quality time, but it comes with a price.  Apr 11, 2014 
An Epic
Just imagine how much this cost the couple!  Apr 10, 2014 
5 Questions You Might Have about Birth Control, Answered!
Don't keep yourself in the dark.   Apr 09, 2014 
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT