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“@-}-}—U R A Q-T-PIE,” an 18-year-old Italian based in New York tells me and I feel both elated and awkward.

“:),” I type in the appropriate and only emotion I can think of. “U 2!”

“Wanna cyber :)?” A new window pops on my screen and I am heady with awe and confusion that I disconnect myself from the chat room.

When I was 18, this wouldn’t have happened unless I was pretending I was on the phone saying insufferably mushy sweet nothings to an imaginary boyfriend named Pietro. Now, with the explosion of instant messaging and text messaging in the Philippines, this scenario has become typical and continues to attract Filipinos from all over. Yes, more love affairs are blooming online.

Online Love
While the phone pal phenomenon of the 1980s is something we avoid altogether deriding those who used to engage in them, its distant cousins, Internet chat and text messaging, are huge successes and are largely responsible for creating virtual communities; you have friends from all over the world. What’s more, people you actually know have text/cyber-boyfriends and text/cyber-girlfriends—and some are having sex online!

Unbelievable as it may seem to some, many people take these things seriously. Once, a teenage girl asked people in the chat room I was visiting if “cybering” (having online sex) with a guy she just met (online, of course) could be considered cheating on her boyfriend. There was a frenzied response. One wrote, “You’re stupid!” and all of us in the same chat room muttered a prayer of thanks. “I can never take seriously any woman who falls in love with me online,” says Jake, a 22-year-old computer programmer who flirts left and right when online.

The Lure of Anonymity
Silly as it may seem, chat still remains a popular activity despite the possibility that all of it may not be real—the people, the conversations, the heady feelings of remorse and joy. However, according to Camille Sweeney, editor of the Millennium Issue of New York Times, chat is popular precisely because of its anonymity—“the thrill of the online self: its malleability, its plasticity, the fact that it can be made up entirely of your own imagination.”

This is akin to putting your best foot forward when you’re seeing somebody new and they accept you without prejudging you. “There is no fear of physical rejection,” is the way Egay, a 25-year-old musician, puts it. You can be your brilliant self! Add to this the similar brilliance of the guy at the other line and the fact that you can break up any time without pain or bloodshed and you’ve hit the jackpot romance in a kind of love in a free-for-all funhouse like in the ‘70’s, only better because there are no risks of overdose or pregnancy or danger of contracting disease.

So, is virtual love the trend for romance in the next millennium?

Well, hopefully not. A relationship based on a virtual self who can edit his/her revelations and who changes identity on a whim are never ideal conditions for a serious relationship. While a virtual self may be appealing in that people can create the identities they would rather have than the ones they actually possess, in the long run, people who take it to the next level can find themselves in bed with people they hardly know.

Egay briefly met Millie, a woman who was vacationing in Manila. She went back to the States after a few weeks. They kept in touch through email, several times a day, for all of one week before Egay swore he “fell in love” with her. So he dropped everything here in Manila—his job, his family, his friends—just to be with Millie. Fighting off protests from their parents and relatives, they decided to live together—a giant step which even the sturdiest of couples approach with hesitation. All was well for about two months until Millie decided she needed space. They broke up.

Egay still believes that “the Internet is a great way to meet people. It’s better today because you get to meet people without having to leave home. Also, you can always revise and review whatever you say, unlike in ordinary conversations…but any relationship has to go through the litmus test of reality.”

Perhaps this is why “eyeball parties” (parties where virtual friends meet to see each other face to face) are fast becoming popular here, with some being organized by Internet providers themselves. We all want REAL boyfriends. The thrill is equivalent to watching Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in “You’ve Got Mail”. However, reality is cruel and chances are your man is not Tom. Worlds crumble when you meet and realize that your cyber-boyfriend is actually the 13-year-old who lives in the apartment next to yours.

The Me Syndrome
Thank goodness virtual relationships allow you to break up with the person cleanly, without seeing the other person break down in front of you. This is yet another reason why these kinds of relationships are attractive: people are able to cut ties anytime. Heartless as this may sound, it fulfills a wish to make a clean break without the heartache.

Because of these very loose connections, these communities which the Internet creates often succeed in creating anti-socials, people very much like vampires who refuse to go out and would rather spend heavily on chat. Though it gives an opportunity to make friend easily, not unlike social butterflies fluttering from one chat room to another or going from one eyeball party to the next, on the other hand, it also makes chat addicts shut out reality.

With chat, cutting off ties is easy. There is no obligation to be involved. Sometimes, our human capacity to sustain connections weaken and we immediately ask: “Are you going to please me?”

Little wonder that the New York Times has labeled the past millennium as the Me Millennium. The Internet chat phenomenon has done its share in reinforcing this idea where the possibilities of immortality and glorifying one’s self are endless. No one will reprimand you.

Individuality also has been our loud and constant battle cry during the past decade. Coloring our hair orange is not weird—it’s a form of expression. Men are now encouraged to get in touch with their softer side while women have discovered their powers and place in the sun.

But because of too much push for what makes Me, the Individual, happy, individualism has swung past the idea of self, all the way to selfish, says Andrew J. Cherlin, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University. This applies to both men and women. It’s not just a matter of who comes first when having sex, but more importantly, on things we are willing to compromise if not give up, in order to salvage a relationship.

Tricia, 25, realized this analyzing her experience with her ex, Joseph. He was addicted to computer games and comics, and would rather die than give these up. However, he also wanted this own place. “My ex was really happy about moving out of his parents’ place and moving in with three of his closest buddies. However, my ex has the nasty habit of spending more than he can afford and there were times I had to pay for his share of the rent. The apartment was in Makati! Of course, he would have to pay me—I was spending my savings! But it was a vicious cycle of disappointment and borrowing and panic until I realized I didn’t want to marry this guy. How on earth was he going to support our family when he couldn’t handle his own expenses?”

Real vs. Virtual
As time passes, our idea of how to meet and carry on a relationship with someone will—and does—change. Never would our grandparents have imagined we could love someone we haven’t even met, or worse, have sex without actual intercourse. But good or bad, it’s best to keep in mind that all these changes are superficial. We will look for the good old values in a relationship to determine if the individual is the one for us. Traits like trust, fidelity, security, and actual communication never really go out of style. Reality, while a painful test for online relationships to go through, is necessary. So that in this millennium, and maybe even the next, love—the best kind that is—involves real (as opposed to virtual) interaction. So if either of you is too selfish and self-centered or you haven’t met anywhere else except on an iMac monitor, it can’t be true love.