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My friend Ronna is in her late twenties. A woman of the new millennium, she is her own person: She is able to stand up and assert herself and she is not defined by her man or her job but by her entire self and every aspect of her personality. A financial analyst for a multinational investment bank, she is on top of her career but still manages to find time to pursue her favorite hobbies: diving and art-collecting. She’s had a couple of serious relationships but isn’t seeing anyone right now. Her life is near perfect. What’s her problem?

“That’s it.” Ronna laughs. “I’ve had sex, and now I’m not. That’s the problem. I miss it.”

Ronna’s problem is one issue not often addressed. No one talks about what to do when you’re not getting any. How to get in touch with our sexuality, yes. The anatomy of the female orgasm. Sexual techniques to drive him crazy in bed. Article upon article has been written covering the entire spectrum of love and lovemaking from how-to to how-not-to. So what does a young woman comfortable with her sexuality do during a dry spell? What does a woman with active drives and desires do when there is, at the moment, no way of fulfilling them?

The answer seems to be…suffer. And suffer in silence. After all, we live in a predominantly Catholic, extremely moralistic and conservative society. Sure, many young men and women are having sexual relations but every few will actually come out and say so. It’s understandable that in this society, women who have had sex but aren’t getting any of it, feel it’s best to shut up about it. No one wants to be called a slut.

This is the brunt the single woman has to bear. Ironically, the married woman is encouraged to talk about her sexual problems and try to solve them. There is no limit to the professional advice given to married women to help them resolve their sexual needs and their need to be intimate with their partner. Women of a certain age, who are undergoing the sweeping changes in their sex drive due to the onset of menopause, are also advised to keep their fires burning. The single woman, sadly, is left out in the cold. If you are single and have a non-existent sex life, well, tough it out, honey. Those are the breaks.

Sexuality is a legitimate aspect of the health and well-being of any human being, man…or woman. That society has traditionally recognized this reality only in the male of our species is testimony to how pervasive sexual prejudice still is. In short, if sexual needs and energies are part and parcel of our humanity, and these drives are indeed biological, there ought to be some recognition of the fact.

To Ronna and others like her who are probably suffering in silence, you are not alone. You shouldn’t feel abnormal or dirty or (dare I say it?) “slutty” for having these feelings. These feelings are normal and healthy, even for those women who have yet to have sex. The sexual urge is a biological one, part and parcel of what it is to be a normal human being. Do not deny that these feelings exist or repress them. Acknowledge them. Recognize that they are part of who you are. Never punish yourself or feel that you are sinful and will burn in hell for what you feel. Remember, though, that acknowledging them is not a license to engage in irresponsible behavior. As normal as these feelings are, you are still master of them. But the key question is what do you do about them? Well, here are some suggestions.

Alternative Physical Outlets
Priests in Catholic boys schools are very good at acknowledging the sexuality of young men. Mindful of this sensitive, provocative time in the male adolescent’s life, they recognize that their students are undergoing overwhelming changes in their sexuality and would hardly know what to do with themselves. They advice young men to find alternative outlets for their drives and urges. Unfortunately, women are given no such advice. Thus, most of us were left to our own devices. Yet priests have a point. Engaging in copious amounts of physical activity and exertion can dissipate certain urges. So if you’re feeling at odds, a strenuous workout at the gym can dissipate certain urges. Feeling like you want to climb a wall? Go ahead and do it for real. The exercise can do you no harm and working up a good sweat can raise the endorphin levels and cut the ragged edge of sexual tension.

Provocative Reading Material
Call it what you like. The trashy romance novel with the sexy parts. Erotica. Or just steamy reading. If you have sex on your brain, give in to it and slip into a fantasy world of fiction. Sure, it may be fantasy but it could get your juices flowing and fulfill that special urge.

Sex on Videotape
Not really the bookworm type? There’s lots available on videotape that may be right up your alley. So get out there and rent that sexy flick. Or better yet, why not purchase a classic so you can slip it right into your machine when you’re not in the mood.

Sex on the Internet
Be glad you’re living in the new millennium. The ultimate solution and there’s no safer sex. Change your nickname and get online for an anonymous chat in one of those plush, red carpeted, mirrored sexy chatrooms. Or so I imagine they’re plush, red carpeted, and mirrored. Of course, it would depend on who you chat with…but then again…you could find someone who is feeling right now…exactly the way you do. The advantage? He doesn’t even have to know your name.

The M-Word
Not marriage but (dare I say it again?) masturbation. As Woody Allen calls it, sex with someone you love. According to Beverly Whipple, sex researcher at Rutgers University, no matter what age a woman is, the activities most likely to bring her to orgasm are (in order from most to least likely): masturbation, genital stimulation by partner, oral sex, intercourse. As a matter of fact, masturbation is the key to unlocking the secrets of the Big O. In other words, to experience the delights of sex, you needn’t even have a partner. Do not fear. You will not grow hair on your palms. What’s more, you’ll learn a little bit more about the way you work “down there” and it may just prove satisfying once you get over the self-consciousness. Have a quickie with yourself and no one need to be the wiser for it.

Working the Flirt One Step Higher
Of course, some people miss the sexual tension inherent in an actual relationship. Says Karen, 26, “Flirting can sometimes give you a buzz…just the way making love can.” Gina, 27, likes to get a certain kissing stage and then make a slow retreat. She says: “You may get called a tease, but kissing gets me high…and I’m not about to have sex with just anyone, just because I want it.” What happens is she’s usually daring someone, and she’ll let things progress to kissing and then, she’ll very nicely call it a night. Every girl has her own way of doing things, and if flirting does it for you or kissing or whatever, great.

The Thing With the Fling
What exactly is wrong with casual sex? Men do it all the time, don’t they? They pick up women; they score one night stands with rarely a regard to safety. Apart from the consummate dangers of sexually transmitted diseases, what keeps many a girl from casual sex are her own issues with it. I have known women to engage in sex with no strings attached, sure. A few women can do it easily. Some, not so much. Yet, if this is the way you choose to deal with your dry spell, recognize that it’s not a choice that should be taken lightly, if only considering the dangers of pregnancy and disease.

Sometimes it helps to see it from another perspective. You are still a sexual being though you aren’t having sex. Often, acknowledging this to yourself is enough. Remember, like everything else, this too, will pass.