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Gia Recio, Contributor
 
August 04, 2010

How to Deal If Your Man Is a Mama's Boy

Does your sweetie still cry for Mommy? FN gives you advice on how to best deal with a man who depends too much on his mother. By Gia Recio
mamas_boys_movie.jpgLet’s face it: women like strong men. Much as many a fem libber would hate to admit it, the masterful type is destined to look better in a woman’s eyes than the type prone to dithering (i.e., torpe). A major factor of a man’s appeal is his strength, coupled with his self-confidence and his ability to make decisions for himself. Moreover, women appreciate a guy who respects them and treats them well.   

But there are some men who become overly dependent emotionally and perhaps even financially on the women who birthed them. If you could think back to that aptly named 2007 movie, Mama’s Boy, starring Diane Keaton and Jon Heder, you’ll remember one of the classic symptoms of this condition: he’s still living with mom and perfectly happy with it. Mom is also integrated into various parts of his life: his friendships, his relationships, his work and decision-making, and so forth. Moreover, he may put his mom on a pedestal and measure every other woman he meets along her lines. Entering into a relationship with him can be problematic since you’ll be forced to move in (either figuratively or literally) on another woman’s territory.

Being a mama’s boy is a large turn-off
for most women—after all, it’s immensely difficult to compete with the woman who gave your man his very life. Indications of this quality in a potential lover are usually go-signals for ladies to beat a hasty retreat.

However, if you love your sweetie too much to simply give up on your relationship, you may need these tips to help you cope with your complicated situation. Click on a tip below to learn more about it or simply scroll down and keep reading.
 

ACKNOWLEDGE THE SITUATION

There’s no point living in denial. If your lover can’t make decisions without first running to his mother for an opinion, if he tends to frequently compare your cooking or your proficiency at keeping house with hers, or if he always takes her side even during occasions when she subjects you to severe and unreasonable criticism, then all evidence points to the conclusion that he is, indeed, a bona fide mama’s boy.

You have to be aware that sticking with him won’t exactly make for an easy relationship, especially since you will constantly find yourself competing for his affections against someone who has literally known him since birth and is a more or less permanent influence in his life. Still, challenges aside, a patient, resilient, and determined woman will still be able to carve out a space in her mama’s boy’s life for herself, as long as she is smart in her approach and genuine in her affection.


MAKE HIS MOTHER YOUR FRIEND

Even though your first instinct may be to pit yourself on the opposing side, don’t think of his mom as someone to compete with. It’s to your benefit if you can turn her into an ally instead. But don’t expect to be BFFs overnight.

Talk to her when you call your man and whenever you and your man have a stay-at-home date. Take the time to ask her how she’s been since you last saw her. Really listen to what she has to say (especially when it comes to your guy, as you’ll never know when a tidbit of information may come in handy), and get to know her as a person. Say hi when you see her in the mall or around town, even when you’re not with your guy.  

Always remember to greet her on her birthday and on holidays like Mother’s Day, Christmas, and New Year. Offer to help out with the cooking and cleaning during visits as well. If possible, also take her out on a date so that you can spend “quality time” with each other and consequently give her a chance to get to know you better.  

But if she remains unmoved by your efforts to grow closer to her, don’t fret. Some mothers will be critical of their beloved son’s girlfriends, no matter what. If she’s inclined to look for wrongs in the women her son dates, just concentrate on giving her as little ammunition for criticism as possible.


(Photo from Mama’s Boy courtesy of Warner Bros.)




WATCH YOUR MOUTmamas_boys_sxc_hu.jpgH

Part of getting friendly with your man’s mom is to make sure you never badmouth her to your man, no matter how worked up you may get during an argument. Not only is he more than likely to tell his dear mama, but this is the easiest way to get him to show you the exit.  Neither should you criticize your man in the presence of his loving mother. This will only make her defensive and think you both unappreciative of her son and of his feelings.


TALK THINGS OVER WITH HIM

If you think your man is too dependent on his mother in terms of making decisions that will directly affect your relationship, sit down and tell him how you feel (without, of course, saying anything to attack his mother). Suffering in silence only makes the eventual explosion all the worse, and it may be that your guy simply isn’t conscious of the issue and is in need of a little enlightenment.

Try to work out a compromise. For instance, you may both agree that decisions about your relationship should be worked out between the two of you, without him keeping his mother handy for a second opinion, but decisions about things that affect more than just your relationship can be open to round table discussions.


STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

Do not change yourself in order to be more like his mother.
Knowing and maintaining your own unique personality is more important than trying to please other people, and, as with all copies, if you try to simply follow in her footsteps, he’ll be forced to compare you and will likely find you lacking. You want to get him to see you for yourself, not as a potential mini-Mom.


TREAT HIM GOOD

Although this is a given in any relationship, it should be noted that when involved with a mama’s boy, treating him well and making him feel special has a twofold benefit: it makes him appreciate what a great woman you are (and no matter how great a woman his mama is, this will help move him toward forgetting about comparisons and loving you for yourself), and it makes his mom appreciate how much you care for him and will continue to do so, even when she’s no longer around.


KNOW WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Getting into a relationship with a mama’s boy is a challenge, but if it proves insurmountable, you owe it to yourself to pack up your tent and quit the battlefield. If his attachment to his mother is so controlling as to make him seem like he cannot think for himself in whatever capacity, or if you feel wholly unappreciated because of his attitude, maybe it’s time to consider moving on to greener pastures. If he takes your relationship for granted, it may be a sign that trying to get mother or son to cut the apron strings is a lost cause. Know your worth: you deserve to be loved wholly and for yourself.


(Photo source: sxc.hu)
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