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It hardly matters whether or not you agree with Bill and Monica that oral sex does not constitute sexual relations.

What does matter is that oral sex is an element—some say a very important element—in the wonderful mix of sexual options open to you and your man. Of course, you probably know that already. Or at least, I hope you do.

Oral sex. Fellatio is what you do for him. Cunnilingus is what he does for you. But let’s talk more about the former. There are other crass terms for the act—most of them reserved for the pages of pornographic material, so I won’t even mention them. I will mention however that according to a Redbook survey in the U.S., fellatio is the act most requested by men of prostitutes. Although no such surveys are done here, or at least none to my knowledge, I think it would be fairly safe to extrapolate. If that is, in fact, so. Why do you think it’s so? Isn’t everybody, pretty much, doing it?

In this particular, conservative Catholic, sexually repressed but still, sexually-active-on-the-sly country, views and opinions about oral sex are hard to come by—no pun intended. Ask a woman above the age of 21 with a regular boyfriend about whether or not they dance the dance of the tongue on tool and you will rarely get a straight answer. Oh sure, jokes are made, mostly by crass men but try and ask your average winsome Pinay to talk oral sex and you may as well be talking to a wall. It is, admittedly, a difficult and private subject.

Only in giggly whispers, behind closed doors, and mostly under the dark of night, you may get a few girls to exchange confidences. Or at the very least, in the safe anonymity of the Internet.

Oral Sex Before Sexual Intercourse
The general trend it seems is towards making oral sex one of the concessions a young unmarried woman makes for her boyfriend before agreeing to give up her virginity. Which is, after all, the funny thing. Most young Pinays do agree with Bill and Monica. Even though they must engage in oral sex, they are still under the firm conviction that they are virgins; physically, their hymens are very much intact.

I myself was an “Everything-But-The-Girl” virgin for two years before I decided that enough was enough, and the hypocrisy was getting ridiculous. So I was not surprised at the accounts of young women who gave oral sex as sexual intercourse. Take the case of a good friend of mine, Isa, now married with three kids of her own. She says she “maintained” her virginity and confesses, “Were it no for oral sex, I wouldn’t have had the face to wear my white wedding gown.”

Antsy and Angsty About Oral Sex
Still, though many admit to practicing oral sex, a surprising number still admit to feeling uncomfortable with the whole idea of it. “It makes me feel dirty.” Or “decent girls don’t do it.” Even more common is the feeling of uncertainty that the act is being “done right.” Here are a few comments that came up:

“Sometimes, I have a wild impulse to laugh while I’m doing it, because I just don’t know what I’m doing.”
“He begs me for it, but I don’t enjoy it.”
“I make sure he washes up before I do it, and I don’t swallow. Is that wrong?”

From a certain perspective, it’s easy to understand why some women are uneasy about performing oral sex, just because it’s an act that virtually nobody talks about. You can be pretty sure grandmothers didn’t pass any basic techniques down through the generations along with the secret family recipes. Yet, it is a reality, and as one bachelor we asked puts it: Filipinos do it. While no one has the right to force a girl to perform oral sex, perhaps the idea is that no one should have to. Every girl should give herself the option of discovering the pleasure of this facet of sexual relations, and it’s legitimate place in her sexual repertoire. For the record, just as many women…real Filipino women at that, say they can’t do without it. Here’s what they have to say:

“Oral sex is a great way of turning your man on. Which is really why I enjoy it. Every guy wants it and they’re grateful when they get it. What’s wrong with that?”
“Once you relax and let go of all your preconceived notions, it’s no big deal to do. I mean, if you start being really conscious about petting…or sexual intercourse…it’ll make you freeze up. Oral sex is no different.”
“It’s an acquired taste but once you acquire it, you can’t get enough of it.”
“It’s very very useful. Sometimes, you don’t feel like doing anything else. Giving him oral sex is a good compromise.”

Brush Up on the Basics
Don’t be sparing with your affection. Kiss, fondle, massage, and do whatever feels good to you.

Keep your lips over your teeth; remember, even the tiniest nick will hurt.

Take your time. What’s the hurry? Pay equal undivided attention to all regions and parts with your lips and tongue.

Use your hands as well as your mouth. Use any part of your body that feels right…even your breasts may come in handy.

Don’t get ceremonious about it…just work it into the program naturally. Nothing can jar a guy more than an awkward, “Uh, can you wash first?”

Learn to breathe through your nose alone, and you’ll stifle the gag reflex. The last thing you want to do is start retching in the middle of the whole thing. Practice with a banana…or do like Madonna did in Truth or Dare, use a Coke bottle.

If you aren’t going to swallow (some women do, and some women don’t—it’s totally up to you), don’t make a big fuss about running to the bathroom to spit it out. Any spitting should be done discreetly. Keep in mind, too, that most men don’t like coming to orgasm in “open air.”

Passed the Oral Exam
“Basically, he asked me to do it, but he was really embarrassed and shy about it. I didn’t know the first thing about it…but I did it because I had very very strong feelings for him, and I wanted to give him pleasure. He told me what to do…and then afterwards, he told me I was a pro. He was just being sweet, but it meant a lot to me.”
—Peachy, 28

“We were fooling around in his room, then he went downstairs to the kitchen and returned with some Hershey’s chocolate syrup. You can guess the rest. It was a pretty good way to initiate me…I love chocolate.”
—Candy, 25

“We didn’t have time to do anything else, and besides there really was no room in the car. So he begged me to do it. It was such a turn-on. When a guy you really care about begs you for something, it’s pretty hard not to comply.”
—Ronna, 27

“I over extended my trip abroad because I was having so much fun with my cousins. When I got back, my boyfriend was really pissed, I even missed our 1st anniversary. His anger turned me on and to make up for what I did, I went down on my knees and found myself unbuckling his belt.”
—Sally, 22

“It was our company outing and I was really flattered that all the girls were staring at him in his trunks. I also realized how gorgeous his body is and how big the bulge is. I invited him to a secluded place, big rocks, tall trees, and claimed what was mine.”
—Beth, 24

“My boyfriend was glued to a basketball game on TV. Since I was tired of being ignored, I knelt down in front of him and made my best attempt to get his undivided attention. It worked!”
—Karen, 21