It's been five years since I've been separated from my ex-husband, and I haven't had any romantic relationships with anyone since then. It hasn’t crossed my mind and after my bad marriage. I kind of lost my interest in men.
I have spent my five years with family, my two wonderful boys and friends. I spent my alone time with a book in hand, wrote poems, and watched movies or TV series.
I can say that I was happy, contented, and finally free from all the stress my unhappy marriage has given me. But last year, something inside me felt different. Suddenly, being around the people I love in the world wasn't enough. I wasn't contented with what I had.
I felt this sudden need to be with somebody. It's not sex I'm after, but maybe the feeling of being with somebody whom I can be intimate and passionate with. I needed a different kind of love–but I was afraid to fall again.
From the beginning, I knew I had trust issues, so I reached for someone familiar. I started talking to an ex-boyfriend but it didn't go well.
I started chatting with guys on different kinds of apps and yes, I met different kinds of men but no one got my interest. I tried again, and I met this Indian guy that seemed decent enough to talk to.
On our second week, we’ve shared enough about ourselves, and I felt something I never thought I would feel again. I was falling for this guy and I don't know why. He became a part of my daily habit. I wrote poems about him ,and my journal was filled with our everyday conversations–I even wrote him letters.
Then after a month and a half, we started talking less and less. He said he was just busy with work, but there we're days when I did not receive any message from him.
He was offline, and I didn't have any other way to contact him. I became unhappy again. I was like a desperate woman begging for his attention. It went on for a week, and I was really hurt.
Another week passed, and I told myself that I have to end it. I cried so hard on that day, so I promised myself not to ever cry again for the same reason. Without any expectation of him responding, I sent him my last letter.
I tried chatting with other people again because I figured that the only way to really forget about him is to talk to someone else. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to meet someone new and I did. It wasn't that easy. I reminded myself not to trust easily this time.
This guy I met is so much different. We've been only been talking for a month now, but we have shared a lothave had deep conversations. There were times when I thought he was going to be like the first one, but I was always wrong. He does things I never thought a man would do for me.
He makes time for me, and I can feel that he is sincere with his feelings for me. He has proven it many times. I finally found someone mature enough to talk about life.
Honestly, I don't know what he sees in me. He is what some call as a 'complete package,' so I think that he's out of my league. I knew that I was the type who falls easily, but I can't waste another minute of my life trying to hide what I feel.
I am on my way towards the 30th year of my life, and I am hopeful that I will have someone to love who loves me back, too.
We're both wishing and hoping to be with each other. Maybe that time will come, maybe it won't. But I do hope that the next time I write, it will be about how we met and became a real couple.
*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors.
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SCREENCAP: Dear John/Screen Gems (2010), GIFS: Giphy