Going through heartbreak can be painful, but while some learn to let go, others keep on hanging on. Are you like the latter? Richard Smoley, author of The Deal: A Guide to Radical and Complete Forgiveness, tells the The Huffington Post why some people find it hard to move on.
You enjoy holding it over his head.
One thing that may be holding you back from forgiving that ex-boyfriend of yours is your sense of justice. You may feel that he deserves punishment and that he should suffer until he realizes his mistakes. According to Smoley, being entitled to fairness can make a person relish in the suffering of others and less likely to forgive the person who has done her wrong.
You've become way too guarded.
After experiencing heartbreak, chances are, you’ll start building a wall around you, so that you won’t get hurt again. But if you think you're protecting yourself, think again. Using your fear and anger as shields for months, sometimes even years, isn't going to help you. Instead, it will alienate you and make you more vulnerable. Don't become so wary of the people who connect with you that you shut them down before they can even try to be friends.
It's your way of punishing yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes. You’re human and it’s natural to take a wrong turn every now and then. But punishing yourself beyond the extent of your wrongdoings won’t do you any good. It’s normal to regret a few decisions you made in the past, but that’s how you’ll understand life’s important lessons–you just have to learn from it, forgive (yourself and the one who hurt you), and move on.