About a week ago, Karla Bonifacio went viral for posting about her breakup with her boyfriend of almost eight years—and people had mixed reactions. While most had positive responses to the refreshing way she talked about how wonderful and beautiful her relationship was with her ex, some had negative feelings about her post, claiming she was “oversharing.”
As her post made its rounds online, FemaleNetwork.com reached out to Karla to discuss what it's like to deal with scrunity over how she handled her situation and other learnings from this experience.
By the looks of it, Karla is doing quite well post-breakup; she shares with FN that she’s been busy making new friends, cherishing old ones and has been spending more time with her family. “Actually, I’ve never felt happier! No joke," Karla says. "The breakup turned me into a different person. I used to think that I can never ever survive a breakup. I didn’t know there are a lot of things I am capable of doing. It feels amazing to stand on my own feet again. I can’t wait for what the future holds, I am excited for what’s to come.”
Read on for the full interview:
How are you handling the scrutiny of your breakup? What do you want to tell people accusing you of oversharing?
Honestly, I actually don’t think I “overshared” because if I did, then the reason for the breakup should be written on my farewell post. I didn’t add details to it; I just simply said my thank you and my goodbye to the person who was there for me for the past eight years.
I read every comment and we really can’t please everyone. To tell you honestly, attention is new to me. At first I got so affected, so I ignored them. But as days [went] by, I started defending myself.
The people who got inspired with my writings are far more important to me. Those people who appreciate what I do is the music, the rest is just noise. If you do not like what you are reading, then do yourself a favor, and just click the unfollow button. And if you aren’t following me, then stop visiting my profile.
What would you tell those who are being bullied for opening up about their feelings?
YOU DO WHAT YOU DO. You do not owe anyone an explanation. If you know what you’re doing doesn’t harm anyone, then why apologize? If you want to express your pain through [your] writings, through YouTube videos, through Facebook status updates and blogs, then go ahead! Do not be afraid.
If you know you aren’t stepping on someone else, then why stop?
We should never stop someone from doing what they love. We should in fact, encourage them. It actually feels amazing that the people I don’t know defended me online.
Where did you get your strength to overcome this obstacle?
I get my strength from God. I always pray at night before I go to sleep and after I wake up. I prayed to him to give me the courage to read every bad comment. But honestly, that’s not what I am focused on right now. I am more focused on the good comments I read.
I currently have 3,700 pending message requests and counting. All messages contain their heartaches, pain and longing. I actually get my strength from them because I think I have my purpose now.
My purpose is to help them cope with my writings and advice.
I know I am no professional, but this still means a lot to me that they get encouraged by my posts.
But to tell you honestly, this is such a burden for me. A burden in a way that I am the person they entrust their stories with. And I hurt for them. If only I could read everything and reply to all of them. I am willing to go through heartache if it means saving a lot of people in the process.
What words of encouragement would you share to anyone who's going through a breakup after a long-term relationship?
It’s hard at first. Heartbreak is never easy. But like what I said in my previous post, an end of a long-term relationship doesn’t mean the end of the world. I also used to think that I could never ever recover from a breakup. I used to think that I could never survive if Gio left my side. But look at where I am now? The girl who used to think she’ll die if ever she’s left actually became an inspiration to people also going through heartbreak.
I may have lost the love of my life, but I gained a lot of friends! Just lift it all to Him, make time for your family and friends. They are the ones who can pick up the pieces.
Cry. Cry a lot. Cry everyday if you wish. Never ever apologize for crying. It is not a sign of weakness.
Never ever avoid the places you used to go to together. Order the food you used to eat, go to the coffee shop where you talked about your future plans with him. Do not restrain yourself. Start creating memories on your own. Also, don’t avoid all the good memories you shared, for one day, you'll be immune. Looking at old pictures and videos actually help me. I’d like to feel the pain, I’d like to cry but I also make sure that after I cry, I’d raise my chin and go on with my life. Like what my followers say, “Feel the pain, until it hurts no more.”
The world has so much to offer! Do not be stuck in the past. If a long term relationship ended, keep in mind that God saved you from the wrong person.
There are really people who come into our lives to teach us a lesson; but never ever despise them because their role in your life was vital.
One day, you’ll thank them for they are the reason why you learned so much about life. This breakup actually didn’t break me; it opened up a lot of opportunities for me!