You know how people say that you can’t help who you fall in love with, even when you heart is already taken? I can attest to that because it happened to me. I was in a four-year relationship with my girlfriend Jesse when I met Crystal. She was one of my colleagues at my first job. Initially, there was really no attraction. We were simply co-workers that hung out and became friends. Never once did I think that we would be anything more. 

Being new at the job and with the corporate life, I found myself facing some major challenges. I couldn’t talk to Jesse about my issues because she was on the night shift, and our mismatched schedules prevented us from spending time together. So I decided to keep my problems to myself. But it was really hard to hold everything in and there came a point when I couldn’t take it anymore. By some twist of fate, I learned that Crystal was also going through the same thing. It was a relief to find out that I wasn’t alone. I finally had someone to talk to who could also relate to what I was going through. 

Because of that common ground, my friendship with Crystal grew deeper. I found myself hanging out with her more often, and we even started having dinners alone. We’d tell each other about how our day went and we’d dish out advice for each other’s problems. We were together almost all of the time. This went on for about a year until I realized that I might actually have feelings for her. Crystal wasn’t just a friend anymore–she was becoming something more for me. 

Of course, with that realization, I also faced the uncomfortable fact that I was being unfair to Jesse. She was still my girlfriend after all, but I was already falling in love with someone else. My emotions were so conflicted at that time, and I was unsure of what to do. 

One night changed everything. Crystal and I were having our usual talk over dinner when it started raining really hard. I convinced her to spend the night at my place because it was closer to where we were and it was getting pretty late. After arriving safely home, we just continued talking and enjoying each other’s company. While I was lying in bed next to her, I suddenly felt the urge to kiss her. I didn’t know what came over me that time, but I followed my emotions. I was surprised when she kissed me back. Time seemed to stop and I was caught in that moment. And when I let go, I realized how happy I was with Crystal by my side. And what’s more–she felt the same way, too. 

The happiness didn’t last long, however, because it dawned on me that I was still committed to Jesse. I felt horrible, not just for myself but also for these two girls. It was unfair to Jesse because up until then, she still thought that she was the love of my life. It was also unfair to Crystal because she might think that she’s just a proxy for Jesse. So I decided to set things right and to fix the mess I made. 

I chose to be with Crystal and broke up with Jesse after a week. Crystal and I became an official couple soon after. Sadly, this happy ending didn’t last long, because I found myself going through the same cycle again. I met someone new and pretty soon, I drifted away from Crystal and our relationship crumbled. 

You might say that I have commitment issues or that I’m too spontaneous. I give in to my feelings  and decide quickly, and I have little patience. And yes, I did cause a lot of heartaches. But I also learned a lot of lessons. This entire ordeal taught me that we really have to think very carefully about every decision we make in our lives, especially when it comes to love. We have to be aware of the consequences of our decisions because it will eventually affect us. Most importantly, anyone who's in a relationship shouldn't just easily give up. Try everything to fix it, to save it. Communication is the key, so find a way to talk. Don't look for an excuse not to. 

If I were given a chance to go back and relive that moment, I would fix my relationship with Jesse instead of choosing the temporary bliss I found with Crystal. But on the flipside, I don’t have any regrets about what happened because I learned a great deal about life and love. And I wouldn’t have had these life-changing realizations if I didn’t go through that situation. In the end, things still turned out for the better and that’s what ultimately matters. 

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PHOTO: Pixabay

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