How do you know a relationship is turning out to be really bad for you?
We recently got to chat with someone who has been in an on-again-off-again relationship for the past five years. All their friends have been advising them to finally go their separate ways, yet they still insist on getting back together—only to eventually hurt each other. Neither of them is happy with the relationship, yet both are too scared to let the other go, for fear they may never find another suitable partner. When the guy cheated on her, she swallowed everything and continued to go out and sleep with him, even after they have decided to breakup.
You wonder, how could these people allow themselves to stay in such an unhealthy relationship? The answer could be as simple as: they do not know the relationship is actually bad for them. So to clue you in, here are a few tell-tale signs you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Go Ask Alice, the health question and answer online resource produced by Columbia University, lists some of the characteristics of an unhealthy relationship as follows:
- Either of you makes the other feel bad about himself
- One is manipulating the other
- One or both of you do not make time for the other
- One controls the other’s money or other resources
Inspirational writer Heather J. Tait writes that an unhealthy relationship often causes us stress and is detrimental to our well-being, leaving us down and exhausted. “Common symptoms of unhealthy relationships include sickness, stress, and a negative outlook of ourselves and the world around us. People who are accustomed to unhealthy relationships often stay cornered in situations like this because they do not recognize that there is another way of living,” writes Tait.
This shows us that the first step toward having a better relationship is recognizing you are in a bad one. Follow your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, then something must be wrong. Now that you know the signs to watch out for, assess yourself and start talking to your partner about it so you can make the necessary adjustments while you still can. If it’s too late, you must know that there really is no other way but out. Do not waste your precious time on a relationship that would eventually make a turn for the worse—and consequently bring out the worst in you.
What other signs of an unhealthy relationship do you know? Share it with us.
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7 Comments
Add Commentloveleah
I came from a hellish relationship for 7 years..He was my first serious boyfriend and the first guy I had sex with. I saw signs of infidelity during our first few months, but I just let is slip away, so it became a habit for him to be with other girls while I stick with him..He was starting to control my social life that time, I was not allowed to go out with friends,while he can go anywhere with whoever, still I was being a doormat, and I hated myself that time,finally I decided to stop when an opportunity to go overseas came, and I left him,and now I'm back and he wants me back, but looking back, it was the worst and most stupid 7 years, too much time wasted. I now have someone who loves me the way I want to be loved..but well, we sometimes have to learn the hard way..peace sisters!
August 16, 2008 at 2:10 amcarried_away
wow, that was intense, loveleah... it's re*ssuring (and inspiring) to know you're finally in a way better situation. good for you!
August 16, 2008 at 4:09 pmvimags21
@ loveleah, good to hear that you're with someone who loves you the way you want. hope you are happy always. God bless! =D
August 26, 2008 at 1:42 pmSHAYNEKATHLEEN
my bf is a military. i caught him cheating on me several times already but still forgive him. he dominates our relationship, whatever he asked i cant help to say no! this my first serious relationship. can u give me advice... anyway, i really loved your this site, its very awesome and helpful.
September 29, 2008 at 2:18 amarahneil
My first Boyfriend was a man of all anger! The relationship last for 3 wasted years maybe because it is a long distance relationship. I’m in the City and his in the province we always get quarrel in small pathetic reason such as, I go to bars with friends, he cant contact my cp, and if my reply has late for 15 min he will start to brag me. After a while I finally get tired I broke up with him… That bastard told me “I can easily replace you b*tch” and after 2days he instantly replace me. –After making me “sakal” for 3years! After a year I had a man at this time a very understand and kindhearted man. I got pregnant and he left for abroad… it was a year ago, we are fine, we always talk on phone and text, even regular schedule of chatting (he always check on what I eat today, what I wear in the office and if I already change what I feel for him). Until last month I get tired of this and all those questions got so annoying, being not trust by the man you love. Recently I meet a man that I really wanted to, who can make me smile, I can laugh loud in front of him, and I can wear what ever I wanted to. He was so sweet and caring but I’m afraid to engage in a relationship again. We are exclusive but every time he ask me if we can move into a serious relationship I feel so guilty denying the offer.
October 3, 2008 at 5:08 pmqt_chick17
i just broke up with my ex two weeks ago. we started out in high school, we were seniors then. he's also my first bf and guy i had sex with. we had a wonderful two- year relationship, or so i thought; he was suddenly super jealous of every guy i had talked with, he even gets mad when i'm with my friends; on the other hand, he would always act so busy.i would go into denial by saying to myself that he is just worried because he loves me so much.he broke up with me for a reason i could not understand. i felt devastated, especially after i found out he had someone else months after we broke up. one year p*ssed and he suddenly reappeared and asked me for another chance. because i was still blinded by him, i agreed. we lasted for half a year. those six months made it worse. he would again say he's busy, only i caught him having gimmick without informing me, yet, i 've forgiven him easily. i was this close to being his booty call- only we were still a couple. then he suddenly said that he needs to chill off. again, i felt devastated, but not until i discovered he was fooling around with his ex-girlfriend, even before we had a cool off. right then and there i said to myself i've had enough. i broke up with him and i knew he was right that he doesn't care anymore. at least i'm glad that i wasn't crying badly like i did before.
October 27, 2008 at 1:20 pmsobrasaganda
ive been in a very difficult situation before and i thank God that he was the one who broke it up with me.i cant get out because he threatens me and always tried to make a scene whenever there is something that he didnt like of whatever things that makes him angry at me.i am so afraid that i just closed my eyes and prayed that God do something about this kind of situatin where im in.it took almost 2 yrs before he finally decided to let go of me i didnt ask him why i just kept my silence and thank God for being there wirth and saving my life. aleluia
October 28, 2008 at 7:52 pm